Something new for 2025
Over the last few years, I have written little posts/essays about going through my separation and divorce, about the grief and loss, about learning to understand what I went through in my marriage, about deconstructing the beliefs that kept me in that marriage for so long.
These posts have been sitting quietly in my drafts folder because they are really not quite right for this blog.
I mean, I have definitely published some marriage/divorce-related posts here, but the ones in my draft folder felt too off-topic to publish.
Writing them was really helpful to me; it's been a way of processing things and figuring things out, honestly.
But I know that there are other women out there who have stories similar to mine; women who followed all the rules, did all the "right" things, tried like heck to be an excellent wife, and still ended up with a marriage that was slowly eating them alive.
And I know there are many women like me who stayed for decades, trying desperately to make things ok, to figure out the puzzle, to finally unlock the key to a decent marriage.
As I've walked this road, it has been astoundingly helpful to read other women's stories. So, I'm guessing that some of these writings might be helpful to women like me.
These posts also might be helpful to those of you who want to understand and help women walking this path.
And since they will touch on topics of grief and loss and rebuilding, they might help those of you who have faced non-divorce-related types of loss.
I will be writing from my former-wife perspective, so I am unsure if these posts will be helpful to you if you are a man; consider yourself forewarned.
I want these posts to be available to the people that will be helped by them, but since they will be pretty personal, I also don't want to just publish them to the whole internet, where every gossip-hungry person can mosey on by and read them.
For that reason, I decided to put these posts behind a small paywall. I'm not doing this in some sort of effort to get rich; I'm doing it so that if someone wants to access this part of me, they have to be at least a little bit invested.
I'm setting this up through Patreon, but the posts will live over at my Kristen Prompted URL.
I have never done something like this before; it'll maybe be a little glitchy at first, so if you decide to sign up right away, please be patient as I work out all the kinks.
I just know that if I wait to make absolutely certain all the glitches are worked out, I'm never gonna get this started.
What you'll pay and what you'll get
The Patreon is set at $9.97/month. And what I'm promising right now is at least one post per week, though there may be more if I have time/inclination. I'm sure there will be comment interaction over there too, and I will do my best to be active in the comments, so if you are walking this road, you might find some community and support there.
To set your expectations properly:
- These posts will be in no particular order.
- They're not gonna be organized by topic or by a timeline.
- I'm not a divorce/grief expert; I'm just a regular person, writing through the process.
In "You Could Make This Place Beautiful", the author writes about feeling unsure if her words are going to help anyone, and feeling like she ought to be more of an expert. And then she says she decided to trust that just telling her story would be enough.
So that's what I'm doing; putting it out there and trusting it'll land where it needs to.
And if you decide what you are getting over there is not worth what you are paying, you can unsubscribe at any time. No hard feelings from me! I just want these words to get to people that will be helped by them.
Even if it's just a handful of people!
How to sign up
If you hop over to Kristen Prompted, you should be able to complete the sign-up right from there (there will be a button asking you to sign up with Patreon.)
And then you should be able to read the Patreon-locked posts. Once you're signed into the Patreon account, those posts should automatically unlock for you!
I am positive we will run into some hiccups along the way; leave a comment here if something's not working, and I will do my best to fix it!
Edit: We are indeed having hiccups! I think I have a caching issue that I need my hosting company to help me with. But it's New Year's Day so I don't think they can fix it until tomorrow.
Never fear, though; the posts are coming and so is a fix, and I'll keep you all updated. It's fine to sign up whenever you want; you won't miss anything. 🙂
Got questions? Leave 'em here!
P.S. All the past posts on Kristen Prompted will still be unlocked; it's just the new ones that will be behind the paywall. 🙂
Kristen, based on your kind, compassionate and empathetic writings here at The Frugal Girl, I have no doubt that your posts will be a gift to many who are in a difficult situation. Your generosity of time and spirit is amazing. Best wishes to you for all of life's best in 2025! You deserve nothing less.
Best wishes for this new year, to all!
I fully understand your approach Kristen - the wall will filter out impulse driven "rogue" responses. I greatly appreciate how you balance the privacy of your family life with the publicity of the web. No doubt your essays will be thoughtful and supportive.
I think it is a great idea for those that may need insight and thoughts from you about this subject. You have a lot of wisdom about what you went through and that undoubtedly will help others. Best to you and Happy New Year!
I am so excited for you! I'm signing up to read right now 🙂
I have thought forever that you should be in a position to help those in need of support as they navigate separation or divorce. You’ve gained the wisdom painfully but never let it make you unkind or reckless. You’ve considered your greater family at every step. This means that you will not have the regrets that rash talk in the moment leaves behind. But, of course, you’re a little busy!
Well, you found a way to help those in need. No surprise that you figured it out. And, will make time for others, again. Man, what a wonderful nurse you are and will be.
Knowing how you write, I expect this will be helpful to many. Maybe it will even become a published book some day. This takes courage, both because of the personal nature of the topic and because you are telling a bunch of frugalistas that it will cost money. I commend you on how much thought and care you put into this, the planning and the writing.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, what you said, exactly.
Hi! I’m a long time reader who has never commented, but simply want to say that I’m so glad you’re doing a Patreon. I’ve always wanted to support your work more directly given how much I enjoy reading your blog and how much I learn and take away from your thoughtful writing. I’m so happy to be able to do that now! Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to all! In 2025, may you have your best year yet. And, may we all be together here, in this most special place, for a very long time.
Thanks, Kristen, for all you do for us.
@ErikaJS, and everyone,
May 2025 be the year all your dreams come true. Happy New Year!!!!
I'm so happy to get to support your work this way, Kristen! Just FYI that I followed the instructions but am not able to "unlock via patreon" although I did register/pay in Patreon. Zero hurry or worries, just wanted you to be aware. Best!!
The same is true for me.
having the same challenge...
Ok, so, you are logged into Patreon, but you still cannot see the post?
Followup question: did you get a popup that said:
Kristen, prompted would like to...
•View your email address
•View Patreon identity info, including full name, account status, and connected social accounts
I made a test account, and that's what happens for me when I click "refresh".
@Kristen, Yes, I am logged into Patreon and it says I am a paid subscriber. When I click on the post, a pop up says "View your email address
•View Patreon identity info, including full name, account status, and connected social accounts". When I click allow, it takes me back to Kristen Prompted but still won't allow me to see the post.
No worries!
That's exactly what happened to me when I made a test account.
I think it's a caching issue on my host's side of things. I sent them an email but of course it is New Year's Day and this is not exactly an emergency. lol So I'm sure it will get sorted out tomorrow.
Thank you for helping me with your feedback so I know what's wrong!
Although I have been single all my life, I hear you! I, too, "did all the right things," and "tried like heck" to fulfill the expectations my family, my community and society in general had for me. They say if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. I planned to go to college, find a soul mate, marry a year or two out of college and have kids maybe five years later, after I'd launched a career. Which I could quit, if necessary, to be a FT mom. The only things I accomplished was college and career. I stayed far too long in that first career position, mostly bc my parents drilled it in to me that I "owed" them for adopting me and that I "must" stay in their city to care for them and the grandparents in their old ages. I even bought a house on their side of town so that I could be at theirs and Grandma's beck and call. What happened?: They retired and decided to move out to the country; Grandma moved in with her other kid out of town; and I was stuck in a not-so-terrific neighborhood. One that was declining. I never had a relationship and when the job ended and they all died, I was stuck. All my friends moved off to greener pastures and I never or seldom heard from them again. I pulled up stakes and moved across the country for almost a decade; that didn't work out so I came back. I thought my old friends and business connections would help me get established, but all of them had retired, died, moved away, or looked at me blankly when I asked for help. So for the past 20 years, I am back in my hometown but I might as well be on a desert island. It is a very lonely time for me; I tried making friends at church -- three different churches, actually, over the years -- and this December, at the latest church, I got left behind when everyone else had their Christmas party. I can't drive at night and they "forgot" to come get me for the party at X's place out in the country where Uber doesn't go. I haven't gone to church since then: why observe Christmas with those people when you didn't get to have one with them? I still work at two PT jobs bc those jobs and church often is the only time I have social interaction. Even though it is very superficial interaction. Sorry to have rambled, and to have been so negative, but there are so many of us hurting out there. IMO, living "happily ever after" is a big sick joke.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I'm sending you hugs. Thank you for sharing.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I'm so sorry that your adoptive parents saddled you with that load of guilt and obligation--from which all the rest of your tsuris (to borrow a Yiddish word) seems to have followed. I hope that 2025 will bring better things for you. And please don't keep trying new things, especially since the old ones don't seem to have worked so well.
@A. Marie, "please don't keep trying new things" should, of course, have been "please don't stop trying." As usual, I notice an error the minute I hit the submit button.
@Fru-gal Lisa, hugs to you. I'm so sorry this has been your story and that people have not cared well for you at churches. May you find joy today and may you connect deeply with others this year.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Dear Lisa, My heart is in your corner, for today and for all those wrongs you’ve endured. You are an absolute trouper and I am sure that you have touched many along the way. May 2025 bring you pleasant surprises.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I am sorry you are experiencing such sadness.
Jesus was perfect and didn’t do anything bad and was treated badly and even put to death. He said those who followed him would be hated and persecuted too. As far as “fellow believers” doing some of the hating and mistreatment, one of Jesus closest friends took money to deliver him to his enemies to be killed. One thing Jesus did even though he was perfect was he prayed all the time. When everyone else lets us down God says “I will never leave you, and I will never abandon you.”
@Fru-gal Lisa, It hurts my heart to hear what you have gone through. I wish I knew the words that could act as a balm on your pain, but I am not that talented a writer. I hope that the road is less lonely for you in the coming year, and that you feel the welcoming arms of this group.
Aww, Lisa, I am so sorry the community was not there for you. I don't know how it is in other community settings, but it does seem that the church world has a very big blind spot when it comes to singles, whether they are divorced or never married or widowed. Sending you love.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Where do you live? Maybe you could make a connection with one or more of the blog readers.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I'm sad to hear that your fellow church folks are not very caring. This has been my experience as well, people claim to be Christians but seem to have trouble with actually putting their so-called beliefs into action. I hope you will find the strength and courage to look elsewhere for happiness and support. There are lots of secular activities that might help you find some real caring friends: senior centers (I think you only need to be 50 to access most), volunteering at parks, ushering at theatres or entertainment/recreational venues (matinees, if you can't drive at night) can be rewarding, helping at homeless shelters or food banks. I'm really sorry you're so down, but how about making a bet with yourself to make this your best year yet? Based on the comments you make here, you sound smart and engaging with lots to offer, you just need to find your tribe! I'm gonna send you loads of positive vibes every time I see a comment from you this year! Good Luck, you got this!
@Fru-gal Lisa, wow, I can really relate to parts of your story, as I've lived them myself. I have a crazy suggestion, but please hear me out. I know nothing of your finances, but I hope this is feasible. When I was in my forties, I took my parents to tour a Senior Resort Community. I fell in love with it. I figured I wouldn't be able to afford it when I retired, so I bought a house on the spot and and kept it as a rental. That was twenty+ years ago. One of the things I most adored is that people are always moving in from somewhere else and looking to make new friends. There are also over 80 clubs supporting a huge variety of interests. There's even an auditorium that doubles as a place of worship several times a week, and a great library. I loved being considered a "youngster" when I came to visit. It also taught me how something that was so simple for me was a big deal to an elderly person, which let to a huge appreciation for what I have and am still able to do. This property is in a Sun City Development. They are scattered all over the country at a variety of price points. Sun City West near Phoenix is surprisingly affordable. Another well-known one is "The Villages" in Florida.
My parents ended up buying in a smaller Del Webb/Pulte/Sun City-type community. They made great friends there and had a fantastic final decade of their lives.
It's not too late to make a fresh start.
@Fru-gal Lisa, I am saddened to read this and sorry that you have been treated in a way that you would not treat someone else. Everything you share in your comments to posts here and on The Non-Consumer Advocate shows your positive qualities. You are a treasured online friend!
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Thank you for sharing your story with us, though it makes me sad to think you have endured all of this. As an adoptive parent, I'm appalled that your parents felt you "owed them" - yes, I know, it was a different time, and the adoption landscape was also very different then, but that does not excuse their behavior - and then *moved out of the country* after making their expectations clear that *you* were expected to care for them and your grandmother. (Insert HUGE eye roll). I'm also frustrated for you that your friends and business associates did not step up - since when do retired folks have nothing to offer, and even friends who live out of town might have suggestions, contacts, etc? Sheesh. I'm sorry. Don't get me started about your church acquaintances.
I truly hope 2025 holds better things for you. I always look forward to your posts here, and please know you are a treasured part of the Commentariat.
@A. Marie,
That's exactly it - don't ever stop trying new things. You never know where you might find people you click with.
@A. Marie,
I knew what you meant. And I learned a new word. Blessings to you this new year!
@kaitlin, Thank you very much.
@Tiana,
Thank you. Seems I'm in good company, aren't I? Thank you for caring.
@ErikaJS, You're so sweet to say this. Gracias!
@Lindsey, This group helps sustain me, and thank you for caring.
@Kristen,
Thank you.
I believe you're right about the church world. When I was in my 20's, I belonged to a singles group at a big church. One week, they asked us to talk to the teen group. We agreed. The next Sunday, we were trotted into the teenagers' classroom and treated as if we were from the circus freak show. Very disturbing experience.
As for the community, I later read in a business/professional self-improvement type book that there is usually a sea change after only a couple of years; after that, you can't count on others being where they were. I was gone much longer than that. Wish I'd had this information before I made the move back home.
@Dicey, and Bobi,
Thank you for those suggestions, and for your support and caring. I think there is a Sun City within 150 or so miles of me, and I will look into it someday. Thanks for the positive vibes!
@MB in MN, Thank you; you are also treasured as an online friend both here and NCA.
@Liz B., Thank you. You all make me feel lots better.
@Fru-gal Lisa, oh honey what a rotten hand you were dealt. Perhaps 2025 is the year of the lessons learned of life. Bad karma to your folks for the "you owe them" - cripes, that should be a question asked of potential adoptive parents so they can be disqualified.
No idea where you live but perhaps some volunteer work would provide social interaction (I am sooo not a religious person). President Jimmy Carter heard a sermon where one particular part stuck in his head - "if you were arrested for being a christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?". I those at your latest church would be found not guilty.
@Selena, @Fru-gal Lisa- I *think* those at your latest church would be found not guilty. I am a person who needs an edit option lol
@Fru-gal Lisa, if by "someday", you mean you're not old enough, check around. I'm pretty sure that Del Webb built so many units in Sun City they had to lower the age of entry to 45, because they couldn't sell them all. A quick Google search says the minimum age is back up to 55 there, but there could be other exceptions.
This is a great new challenge! Excellent. Keep us posted on the progress of the adventure. I have committed to working on something along the same lines in this New Year. I say with some modesty that I was a really, really good teacher. I was born to it and it became an avocation. The curriculum I developed was very child centric and successful. I want it to help students and teachers in the future. the best way to get it out there is through the Teacher's Pay Teachers platform. There are pros and cons but I am going to give it a go. I will report back.
@Mary Ann, Let us know your name/store on TPT. I'm always looking for child-centered resources.
@Lisa K,
Will do.
No questions, I just think it’s great that you have chosen to share this with those who are searching for people who have experienced similar events
I would love to read these as my daughter is currently going through a separation and possible divorce with a 3 year old daughter involved. It is really taking a toll on her and she is questioning everything. Thank you for your willingness to help others.
As an IT person, I have to admit I am more than a bit disappointed in your hosting company if they truly do not provide 24 x 7 x 365 support. Good luck with this venture and I truly understand why behind a paywall.
I'm sliding a bit off topic but....
Speaking of divorce and finances, I do hope your lawyer a) went after a QDRO settlement and b) at least mentioned to you re: collecting social security based on your previous spouse's account. If not the QDRO, perhaps a bar complaints, and if not mention of social security, please visit social security's website/call them.
Thank you! I have been following you for probably 15 years, since I was about 23 years old 🙂 I'm 38 years old now and I've really enjoyed following your family's journey and your experience. You inspire me with your generosity, love, and kind spirit. During that time, I've also gotten married, had a child, developed a career, gotten divorced, and I'm honestly doing better than ever before. I appreciate you sharing so much of your time. You are doing a good thing. Thank you again, Ginessa
What a great, thoughtful and cathartic idea!