Saying, "Thank you" to your money
I was on my library's website recently, looking for a book someone recommended. I ended up having to request an inter-library loan, which I'm still waiting on, but in the sidebar, a different book called "Happy Money" showed up as a recommendation.
I was like, "Hmm, well, that's a good pairing of two things I care about!" and I put it on hold.
It's written by a Japanese author by the name of Ken Honda, and as I read it, I wondered if it was a translation, because the language felt a little stiff. I googled and sure enough, it was originally published in Japanese.
I remember feeling a similar way when I read "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo.
I'll bet if you read either of those books in Japanese, they flow much better. Unfortunately, I do not know Japanese, and I will not ever in this lifetime; I'm just over here struggling to get some basic Spanish down so I can talk to my patients. Ha.
So, the Japanese-to-English translation will have to do for me.
Speaking of Marie Kondo...
In the book that launched her to American fame, Marie Kondo suggested talking to your items as you declutter, telling them things like, "Thank you for your service to me." or, "Thank you for teaching me that hot pink blazers are not for me."
(Hehe.)
And even though I've been living in the Western world my entire life, where we make a harder distinction between animate and inanimate objects, I do see the value of this.
For me, it's less about talking to the object and more about finding a sense of appreciation for the object and what it has done for me. That can make it easier to let an item go without guilt.
For instance, if I bought something that turned out to be very wrong for me, it's helpful to recognize that this purchase taught me something, like that hot pink blazers are not for me. I can appreciate the lesson, and I can let the blazer go.
(I have not, in fact, bought a hot pink blazer. I already know that's not the vibe for my neutral-preferring self. 😉 )
Saying, "Thank you." when you have to spend money
Honda suggests that when money leaves you (aka, you have to spend it!), you can be "grateful for how the money served you, or grateful for what it is bringing you now."
(p. 47 in my hardcover library version)
I love this idea, especially for those of us who have a hard time spending money.
Basically, it's a way of focusing on the benefits your money is buying for you, and that's particularly useful for purchases that aren't super fun.
When you spend money on a concert ticket or a long-sought-after pair of shoes, it's easy to see what the money is bringing you! This is less obvious when you are paying a plumber.
A few ways this can play out for me:
When I pay my rent, I can think, "I'm buying a lovely, peaceful place for Zoe and me to live this month."
When I buy new tires, I can think, "I'm buying a safe, slip-free driving experience."
When I pay my accountant, I can think, "I'm buying myself freedom from having to deal with all the complicated tax situations that come with owning an S-corp."
When I pay my dentist bill, I can think, "I'm buying the ability to continue chewing my food!"
When I fill my gas tank, I can think, "I'm buying the ability to drive where I need/want to go."
I love this way of reframing these purchases; it makes them feel happier and less stressful. Which is the whole point of a book titled "Happy Money". 😉
I actually know someone who has a hot pink blazer!
I love this! I also really like Marie Kondo's suggestion of thanking items. I'm not the tidiest person but it really helps me declutter. It's also a good way of avoiding sunk cost fallacy and holding onto something which you no longer want for the sake of it.
I really like the concept of being thoughtful with our money. I don't spend money on fashion or designer goods, but I like spending it on experiences. I feel a little resentful when I spend it on things I don't want to or on 'boring' things (such as rent or the dentist!) but I'm grateful to have somewhere to live and to be able to take care of my teeth (and eyes at the optician). I'm going to have to read the book for the rest!
Yes, exactly about sunk cost fallacy. It's a brilliant way to free yourself and let the item go.
The important thing is to take the lesson with you!
We're currently facing $8,000 in hospital and ambulance bills. I'm grateful for the paramedics, doctors, and nurses (and all of the hospital staff, really) who took care of my husband. He's still not at 100%, but he's home and much better. I'm grateful for the money we spend on my husband's employers insurance plan, because without it, the bill would be closer to $70,000. We don't have $70K to hand, but we will be able to take care of the $8K when it all comes due. This is a real stretch for me. I dislike the insurance company and their extortionate plan, but I am grateful for the per-person out-of-pocket maximum.
I'm grateful for the $1,800 car maintenance bill I just paid. It's keeping our 2018 Honda minivan safe from a timing belt failure, which would be so much of a bigger deal!
I'm also so grateful that my husband is such an ant compared to my grasshopper self. We have more fun because of me, but we're much more financially stable because of him! We're good for each other.
Never Pay the First Bill by Marshall Allen is an excellent resource to assist in making sure your healthcare bills are accurate and fair. It was recommended by our healthcare sharing ministry.
One of the best things I learned recently is that healthcare charges cannot impact your credit score for 12 months from service so you have plenty of time to make sure things are correct and fair, even if they report you to a collection agency. Paying quickly out of fear can cost us more in the long run.
Start with an itemized bill….
The book is available in print, kindle and audible.
@Rachel, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that Rachel.
@Rachel, no fun, at all! I hope the reason for the hospital and insurance bills has resolved favorably.
This could help me feel better about the $12000+ estimate I just got for upgrading our electrical system. Our money will be buying us (some) freedom from worry about a house fire (still some worry due to the inevitability of mice in this old house with its fieldstone foundation) and better functioning lights and outlets. It’s what money is for, I guess, and I’m grateful to have enough to do this now, whereas in years past it would have been much more difficult.
@JaeFi,
Maybe buy yourself a hungry, ornery barn cat who likes to snack on mice. From the animal shelter, perhaps?
@JaeFi, Hiring an exterminator may be worth your money. We live in an old house (build 1890), and we have an exterminator come in once a month to maintain the, well, maintain the lack of mice and other critters. It's a worthwhile investment.
@Daisy, I am envious that your exterminator has worked so well for you! I’ve tried several over the 30 years I’ve lived in the house, with little to no success. At this point I consistently use snap traps, which I like to believe are at least keeping down the population.
@Anon, @Anon, We have a cat! She is our 4th cat in this house, and like all but one of her predecessors, she is not a mouse hunter (bugs yes, mice no.)
I pay close to $800 a month for my three medicare health insurance plans. It's an investment in my health. And I remind myself that just one test like a PET or MRI, can cost thousands of dollars out of pocket without this insurance and I've had to have them periodically. And some procedures are more than what I would pay in a year for my health insurance from Medicare.
I just pray I can keep paying as it is a very high percentage of my total income.
@Irena, we were just looking into Medicare plans and went with costly plans because they will pay the most, so our OOP (out of pocket) will be less. My husband feels this is the best way not to tap into our retirement money. And it will help save money in the long run if we need to go into full-time care.
@Maureen, I'm with you as far as your last sentence. But that sentence makes me a little uneasy, because Medicare as currently configured--and this part of it is not likely to change any time soon--does **not** cover full-time/long-term care. (A time-limited stay in rehab after a hospitalization is the only exception.) That's why DH and I hung doggedly on to our long-term care insurance (which is no longer practical for most people) for as long as we did. And I repeat what I've often said before: The medical care and elder care systems in the USA are a disgrace.
@A. Marie, your last sentence is spot on!
@Maureen, the most costly will catch up with you as you age. My folks had Plan F (no longer available) - the premiums were *not* cheap. Dad switched do a MA plan but due to pre-ex health issue, cannot get an indemnity plan as my spouse does. However, the OOP for medical is far, far less than his supplement. Rx coverage is also better as it does cover a generic (finally available in US) of one of his Rx. He puts most of what he's not paying in premiums into savings.
I like this, especially when the big, ugly amounts are due. Reframing is so important in so many situations, but hard to remember when the stress is on. Thank you!
I don't talk to my money, but I do talk to the things it purchases. I know that might sound crazy. Every day that I leave for work, I say "goodbye, house", or "thanks for the coffee, coffee pot". Its a cycle: work, money, house, work, and so forth, creating my life. Each thing feeding the next. Even these little gratitudes are boosters for me. (:
Aww, I love that. I already know that when I leave this house one day, I will want to say, "Thank you." to it, through tears.
@Gina from The Cannary Family, I always thank and say goodbye to places I've lived in or stayed!
@Kristen, My house is my security & comfort in all these storms. She feels like a person to me. I hope to never permanently leave here aware that I am leaving
I had a run of appliances needing to be replaced recently - washing machine, refrigerator, and microwave all failed irreparably within about six weeks - and I tried to cultivate a mindset of “what a luxury to be able to replace these things without major financial stress” instead of “what a bummer to have to spend so much money on this.”
I genuinely enjoy purchasing services and experiences that benefit my hyper local economy - paying one kid’s bar mitzvah tutor or the other’s piano teacher, getting a haircut, or splurging on a coffee at an independent cafe or takeout from our favorite locally-owned restaurants all feel like investments in my community as well as purchases.
@Katie,
I love this. I too like to support the local economy including my yoga studio, hair stylist, restaurants, and candy shops.
I was a little stressed that my property taxes and health insurance have gone up so this post was timely. It's helpful to reframe especially since I have no control over these two particular costs.
My DH is great at this naturally and helps me with it. Whenever we have a large purchase that I may feel grumpy that I have to take the money out of savings to pay for, he always has the positive "Thank God we aren't in debt and have a stove for hot meals" or "I'm so grateful you manage our money well enough that emergencies aren't financial burdens also" or (most recently when we had to buy tires) "The car is paid off and with new tires, now we won't need another large purchase for safe vehicles for a very long time".
My vehicle had issues a few months ago and I was thankful that although it wasn't a cheap repair, it was much cheaper than purchasing a new vehicle. We've had my vehicle for 11 years so any money I put into it, I feel thankful that the jeep still is safe, reliable, and I have gotten a bargain at this point.
I'm going to need to remember to be thankful for heat when my propane tank is filled later this month though. That $600-$700 bill always hurts haha.
Awww, I love that he is a voice of good cheer and gratefulness; what a blessing. 🙂
We got hit with an unexpected tax bill recently (Turbo Tax and Schwab did not play nicely during an auto upload in 2023, and some transactions were dropped. I foolishly did not reconcile. The IRS sent me a letter, which led to a super lot of fun, and also, a lot of money.) That said, I'm thankful that we have the money to pay for it, thankful that I paid for the extra audit protection to deal with it all, and thankful that we make enough money to pay taxes. Wow, that one was pretty hard for me. 🙂
On the flip side, even though DS18's college is very expensive, I'm truly grateful for him to have this opportunity, and for us to have money that allows him to blossom and learn as he prepared for his own future.
We have been saving in a high yield account and I wanted to have a certain amount saved in that account for the big purchases that will need to be made after I retire. Unfortunately, due to some expenses, it won't be as high as I would like by the time I retire, but that's OK. There will be more money than I have ever imagined us having in savings. And I will have to remember when I take money out, that it is for pleasant things, like tires to drive safely and visit my daughter and her family. Or to pay my taxes so I won't go to jail. LOL
I’m thankful that the plumber was available in the busy season when I pay his new bill.
What a good reminder to find the positive in situations if we can. I’ve been doing this with household chores which I have always disliked although I like having a clean house. Hmm, glad the book is available as an ebook from my library as intended not to read physical books anymore. I’m off to contemplate why I won’t spend money for a cleaning service when I can afford it!
Yes - I had to purchase a generator and the propane set up to power it, but I don't have to fear losing food and being miserable in power outages, so thank you to that money that bought it!
And I am going to spend money on a year's worth of contacts later today at my annual eye appointment, but it means I can see without glasses that fog up, make my nose sweat, sometimes bother my ears and most importantly, don't allow me to have peripheral vision. I hate not having peripheral vision. Thank you to that money, too!
I can relate to this post through the recent felling of my beloved but dying maple tree: I reasoned that I'd a lot rather pay $3900 to fell the tree than have it fall on the house and/or outbuildings during the next big windstorm. And this type of reframing is a good idea for a lot of other expenses.
Yes! Your $3900 was buying you safety and peace of mind.
Here is kind of a different take on money. When my last parent died, my Mom, I felt guilty that I had my share of her money since she had died. When my brother died who was not married so he left his money to his sisters I really felt guilty. Again because he died. I know both people wanted their money to go to us but still,,,
Fast forward I used my parents' money to send my children to college. But I told them we have this money because of my parents and my Dad in particular loved loved education and on his death bed made me promise I would send my children to college. So that really worked out.
Fast forward to my brother's money. I have spent some of his money on charities. Every time I give money I tell them his name, to honor him.
@karen, thank you, this is beautiful. I love the idea that our loved ones' hard work can continue to serve others even after they have passed on.
@karen, I love that you donate in memory of people you loved.
I love this idea! I have been practicing reframing thoughts more positively lately, and this fits right in.
i organize the money in my wallet from low bills to high bills and keep like with like. i think the $5 bills want to be kept together as do the other denominations. in my youth i worked hard to not live paycheck to paycheck. i invested early and when my company offered a 401k i took advantage of it. when i retired from my job 5 years earlier than the usual 65, i asked for a lump sum instead of a pension. the company said they didn't do
that. but a month later they gave me an offer and i took it. kristen thanks for another eye-opening post today. am so glad you have a satisfying, peaceful life. you so deserve it.
With my student loans, when I mailed checks (remember those?) I used to decorate the loan coupon and the envelope with "thank you" and "nearly there" cheerleading phrases for myself . It made me more motivated to pay it off sooner, and I tried to double the payments every month. At the end I mailed the whole unused loan coupon book, all decorated with glitter saying PAID OFF! Yipeee!
@Millicent, I love this! I had a mandala that I colored every month when I sent a payment. It felt so good to color in the last bits the day everything was paid off.
@FJB, That sounds like a great idea too! You had a living design that showed your loan progress-- AND you created an art piece at the end. Double win.
This is a very helpful meditation for me. I am in the process of letting go of some items that were gifted to me from someone who has since died. I know the gift gifting process gave him a lot of joy so I am trying to focus on that intention rather than feeling bad about giving the items to an antique shop.
Nearly forgot. I also write "ER = 100 times thank you (on the check memo field) That stands for Earnings Received, times 100! So, whatever I pay out, I receive 100s times BACK in value. It was a trick I learned in a money seminar. At the moment, my gardener is the only one who still ONLY takes checks, but that little memo field really seems to work. I FEEL as if I get 10o times the value of what I pay out--
I am the person who owns a hot pink blazer! I have only worn it twice but each time I look at it in my closet it brings me joy to think of the two times I wore it. (Not defending or justifying, just smiling because I am the one)
My coworkers and I had a similar talk about taxes yesterday. None of us like paying taxes but we all like street lights, the library, schools, the fire department, parks with walking trails.... the list goes on.
I understand completely! Many years ago when money was in very short supply we spent $5000 to have a French drain and sump pump put in our basement. Rain seaped into the entire front of the house any time we had rain for more than one day. We still look back on the nightmare experience of using 4 wet vacs and blowing fuses to try to get the many inches of water out of the basement! That was the BEST $5000 we ever spent! Every time we have a heavy rain we are so grateful that we could scrounge up the money!
Love this! Such a practical way to weave gratitude into daily life. Thanks for sharing.
After thinking about this a bit, I realize I have to categorize my spending into two camps: the Needs and the Wants. I am thankful I make/receive more money than "I need," which lately, ends up being spent on aesthetics. I was thrifting before it became such a tik-tok trend. I keep realizing that I need to rein in, as my family is not going to be happy disposing of my "sets" of dishes, tea wares, green glass, and linens (tablecloths, dresser scarves, crochet work) when I'm gone. BUT, in all fairness, many of the dish items and linens were purchased to use with our church tea parties and wedding receptions. And still will be and will be distributed to those uses after my passing, Lord willing. The recent "want" has been green glass ware for one of my windows and I almost have it finished. It does look beautiful. I put two shelves in the middle of the top and middle of the bottom of the windows, giving me four shelves to set vintage Anchor Hocking glass ware in the emerald green color. I love it.
The latest "Need" I've had to wrap my head around was the $230.00 spent to put my beloved Molly to sleep. 1) I am glad a Vet was available when needed. 2) I'm glad they are close to where I live as opposed to the emergency services ninety miles away as suggested by the other two vets. 3) As emotional as it was, I am glad the task is over. Those things said, I find it deplorable to extort people in this time of need. I grew up on a farm, I've had other animals put to sleep. No, I did not want it done the "old" way. but using an anesthesia and then the euthanasia drug does not require an IV. Nor do I need a "body" bag. (I had her wrapped in her blanket and a disposable waterproof pad.) A plaster paw print is a nice thought for those who want and need it. I have her paw prints on my heart. Her love was invaluable. But it shouldn't require that amount of cost. Okay, off my soapbox. And thanks for listening.
@Chrissy,
I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Molly. I can say it cost significantly more when we had one of our cats to sleep (Punkins, my sweet buddy), but we did have him cremated, so maybe that's why.
I will make a point of looking for that book and, if you haven't read it, try The Richest Man In Babylon. It was written in the early 1900s and there's a story behind that however, there is a later released version that, I believe, was 2024, that is a much easier read than the more stilted, original release.
And, I will definitely look at the fact that I had to put out over a $1,000 last week for a cap on my very back upper molar as, at least I can continue to eat, as opposed to, I paid my Dentist's car payment this month.
Blessings to all.
@Debra, your last sentence made me chuckle. My dentist collects antique cars, and I always kid him as I settle into the chair, "OK, which car am I paying for this time?" Fortunately, he's a very good sport about it. (In fact, he has said that during the team meeting the staff has at the start of every work day, everyone grins when he says, "A. Marie's coming in at [whatever time]." Quite a compliment.)
@Debra,
I feel your (dental) pain! I had to have a crown put on the farthest back tooth on my lower jaw. What a nightmare! It cost $800+, I forget the exact amount, but then I had to pay extra for the laughing gas. (I thought it was included, because I've told them every single time that, YES, I want the gas....I'm an extremely anxious dental patient who has a strong gag reflex.) My DH just paid $1300+ for dental work - long story full of miscommunication - which included a bone graft, in case he decides to go for a tooth implant. Same, we paid our dentist's mortgage that month.
@Debra, Myself and two children were in orthodontic care at the same time. My orthodontist (very nice person) built a new home during that time and I always felt my name should have gone over a bathroom at the least.
@Debra, I'm pretty sure I put our veterinarian's daughter through college with our first dog who had numerous ongoing physical and psychological issues.
My dryer died after 18 months, appliances are so disposable. The repair person said it was a known issue for the heater wire in the dryer to burn out. I am glad it did not catch fire. So I spent more than I wanted for a new one by hey it's only a dryer, we can afford it.
Our local appliance dealer where we got the dryer from is lending me a dryer until the new dryer arrives which may be after Christmas. It may have been my sobbing that I have been without a dryer for 3 weeks... Such great local customer service!!
Oh and I can hear my fridge breathing it last breaths...cuz when one goes another does the same.
Your post today reminds me of an old joke: "I know that money talks. Mine says Goodbye!"
OK, that's the exact opposite of what you're talking about.
A lot of people say "Money is the root of all evil." Actually, the Bible verse says "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil."
But money is neither bad nor good. Money is neutral. It is what you DO with your money that makes it good or evil. Putting a roof over your family's heads and food on the table is good. Giving to your church, a responsible charity, or to the less fortunate is good. Paying for your children's education and everyone's health care is good. Making sure you have reliable transportation is good. So is supplying the needs of you and your family....although a lot of folks confuse "needs" with "wants." Buying harmful things like cigarettes or illegal drugs is bad. Spending most of your household income on a hobby while neglecting your children's needs IMHO is bad. And there are a lot of gray areas, of course. I think books are good (mostly, depends on the subject), and video games, not so much. I think alcoholic beverages are mostly bad. Others may disagree.
Instead of thanking my money, I thank God that I have enough of what I need. Whether it be money or material goods or the necessities of life.
But thank you for your post. It highlights the fact that we need to be more grateful and we need to be good stewards of whatever money or materials we have. And it provokes some serious reflection on all our parts.
When I get a bill for a medical co-pay I am thankful for how much my insurance reduced the amount I have to pay. That recent ambulance ride would have put a serious dent in our savings that have to last us the rest of our lives since we are both retired with no pension plans other than Social Security.
I see your point...and Ken Honda tends to write in this very simplistic manner... but frankly, it seems a bit silly.
Instead of thanking the money itself (which is a THING), why not thank the person or personage that you got it from? As Christians, we're very aware of who is the original source: God. And I do thank Him regularly for our bills paid and warm house.
Just thinking out loud here.
@Cindy Brick, Amen, sister! Amen!
I love this. Instead of getting the gas bill and being down by how expensive it is I can reframe to thank you for keeping my daughter and I warm in winter.
Thanking items is what gets me through dishes sometimes. If I think about the food I was able to prepare with them and make an effort to take care of them, it makes dishes much more meaningful. I think it's a wonderful idea with money or purchases if one is reluctant to spend or resentful. If one tends to rationalize unnecessary purchases, could it get out of hand? I don't know, though. I think part of the reason consumerism is heavy in the states is because we focus on things as signals rather than appreciating the things and their utility. Maybe making a practice of thanking items (or money) both when we have them and when we are letting them go?
The well over $20k in tree removal over 15 years that's saved our house and lives from trees falling on the building. And the kids loved watching the cranes–especially the REALLY HUGE one–when they were necessary.
I actually bought a hot pink shirt last winter when I was so tired of dreary weather and wanted to add some color. And this winter, I am thinking, "This is not for me, nor do I want to store it for a day when I think it will be for me." So into the donation pile it has gone! And I am hoping it will make someone else SO HAPPY.
I've been trying to think that way about the shiny, new, very expensive boiler we got to put in this fall. I'm so glad it was replaced before it got super cold, and thankful for the heat.
Not only chewing your food but potentially doing your heart a great service. Dental issues don't just affect your teeth/mouth/chewing.
All money is meant to be spent - just a matter of time on what and when is the unknown. Like it or not, tis math time. Is it worth fixing an item (I'm not talking about socks) or is is time to replace? When it comes to appliances, sure you may be able to fix your existing item *but* a new item is likely more energy/climate efficient (washer, dryer, frig, freezer, dishwasher come to mind). I'd likely opt to fix my washer/dry and dishwasher but *not* my frig. Life of a large appliance is a retirement budget line item as are furnace, A/C, hot water heater. I see far too many homes in my rural area that go without any maintenance - leaving your child(ren) a poorly maintained home is not a good deal.
The one thing that stuck from reading Marie Kondo is asking if an item brings me joy, and if not, to get rid of it (donate/throw/sell). It's not just about being happy when you see/use the item. It's also about how it makes you feel. I have gotten rid of SO many items that brought with them feelings of guilt this way (guilty for having made a mad, impulsive purchase [leopard-print t-shirt, I'm looking at you], guilty for not having lost the weight I need to fit into it, guilty for not having the space to store great-aunt Eda's wine-rack....). When you get rid of the item, you get rid of the guilt and it's SO FREEING!
Yes. Love this, and how timely as I am getting new tires today!
I guess, in the scheme of lemons/lemonade, I've always been so happy to pay my rent and then my mortgage because it meant I had succeeded in having my own home, under my own control, for another 30 days.
Honestly, it's more than just happy. It's a mix of relief, happiness and pride all mixed in with some sort of anxiety relief.
While not as strong of a feeling, I get this every time I'm able to buy myself something I truly need, or for an experience that also reminds me that I'm in control now.
Working on the anxiety of buying random things.
A coworker who lived in Japan helped me connect the dots on Marie Kondo's thanking of inanimate objects as part of the religious practices of Shintoism in Japanese culture, where it is believed that all objects including inanimate objects of a spirit or energy. There are a few articles on the topic if you search Marie Kondo, Shinto, etc. I thought it was interesting at the least.
Saying goodbye and thank you to our things that we pass on or need to spend money on
makes us more grateful. Grateful we have the ability to earn money and grateful we live in a country where items we choose are abundant. I love both of these ideas. Even if we don't have loads of money what we do have should make us thankful for it when so many have nothing.
Those items in my closet that I consistently avoid wearing (or other items I avoid using) - I've started to appreciate that I'm figuring out that they aren't working for me! So much easier to let them go!
I JUST did this with some plates this morning. When they'd come up high enough in the stack that they should have been next used, I'd actually put them on the bottom of the stack so I could use the "better" plates below!
How crazy is this? So putting them in the giveaway box was a HUGE relief!
I did this with some shirts I've held onto for YEARS (without wearing!) a couple of months ago. Slowly but surely...!
I love Marie Kondo!
I think I'd like this book too.
I recently had a colonoscopy and my medical aid (what we call it in South Africa) pays for the procedure entirely if done in the surgeon's rooms, but there is a co-payment if done in hospital.
I was grumpy about the co-pay at first but then I remembered that at least I DO have savings for exactly a time such as this. Because I do want to be in a hospital for procedures in case anything goes wrong 🙂