Q&A | Duolingo, Mother's Day, nursing specialties, and fried eggs
Lots of variety in today's questions! Let's hop right in. 🙂
Which language are you learning in Duolingo, and why?
-multiple readers
I'm learning Spanish, using the free Duolingo app.
I have never become fluent in a language besides English, so I decided to try learning Spanish. I don't know how far I will get, especially when nursing school starts, but my main "why" is that I thought it could be helpful to be a nurse who knows some Spanish.
The odds of me getting a patient who speaks Russian or Portuguese or Norwegian is pretty low, but the odds of seeing a Spanish-speaking patient are high!
So I figured that even if I could get some basic stuff down, it might make me a better nurse.
I am doing just one or two quick little lessons every day, so I'm hoping I will be able to keep the habit up every when nursing school starts. We shall see.
Hey Kristen, how about a post about Mother’s Day sometime? Every year–I mean every year–it’s been about either my own mother or my former mother-in-law. And I’m about to be 58. This was always my choice, because when younger I figured my time would come, and now with my mother in a nursing home, a trip out to a restaurant with her kids is a very big deal, and I still do the whole flowers/gifts thing which gets to be super expensive. But sometimes I wonder: when is it my turn to be pampered and feted? How do other readers deal with it?
-Rose
I always think this is a funny thing about Mother's Day...that in the time of life when you are both a daughter/daughter-in-law AND a mother, you are sort of expected to be both a giver and a receiver on the same day.
(And the same is true of Father's Day for dads!)
I don't know what the right answer is for each situation, but I do think that going into Mother's Day flexibly, without demands and expectations, is probably the shortest path to peace for everyone.
If moms make their kids feel the weight of expectation, then the kids end up doing things out of guilt and fear, and that's no good for anyone involved! It's no fun to run around trying to make a day special when you just doing it to avoid maternal wrath/disapproval.
Also: I think that it's healthier to give more weight to the big picture than to one particular day, and this is true for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and so on.
After all, what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.
So, if your kids regularly show you love throughout the year, it's not that big of a deal if Mother's Day turns out to be something less than magical.
And if YOU show your mom love regularly throughout the year, then you can give yourself grace if you are not able to make Mother's Day a magical occasion for her.
Anyway, I can tell you what I did this year, but I'm not trying to prescribe this to anyone else.
I hung out with my girls on Mother's Day (that's when we went long-boarding!)
Next week, my sister/sisters-in-law and I are taking my mom out for dinner (it was the soonest date that worked for everyone).
And on Mother's Day, I sent an email note to my mother-in-law to wish her a happy Mother's Day and to tell her things I see/have seen her doing well.
Where is the I cry but I get things done shirt from?
-Angela
It's from a site called Self Care is For Everyone...here's a link to the shirt I have.
I like this one with a cat...it says, "It's ok to ask for help."
I have a sticker with this "What if it all works out?" design, but here it is in t-shirt form.
And this one says, "It costs $0.00 to be a kind human being."
That's two of my favorite things in one: kindness and frugality. 😉
Yay, congrats!!! You will be a fantastic nurse!
Do you have any idea with which clientele you would like to work?-Isa
Aww, thank you. (and thank you to everyone else for their votes of confidence!)
I currently think that I'd like to work in some area of nursing that has to do with babies and children, with labor and delivery being my top choice.
One of the first things that made me think I could be good at nursing was the experience of being with my ex's sister during her labor and delivery; I was there when we found out my niece no longer had a heartbeat, and I stayed to help my sister-in-law through her labor and to take pictures of my niece when she was born.
It was such a sad experience, of course, but it made me think that perhaps I was built to do this kind of work.
There was nothing that could possibly fix my sister-in-law's heartbreak over her baby being stillborn, but what I could do was offer comfort and practical support during the labor and delivery, and I also could give the gift of pictures.
Those two things are some of the only tangible ways to minister to a grieving heart in such a situation, and nurses do both of those things for parents of stillborn children. It feels like important work to me.
And of course, when labor and delivery go well, then that is a very happy kind of nursing!
(Some years after the stillbirth of my niece, my sister-in-law delivered a healthy baby girl and I got to be there for that too. Click here to see more of that story.)
I'm also possibly interested in post-partum care or the NICU. And I might think about working in pediatrics in a hospital too; I like kids and kids usually like me, so it might be a good fit.
BUT.
In my nursing program, we start doing clinical rotations in the very first semester, which means that I will get to experience a variety of nursing types.
So who knows? Perhaps I will discover something that I really love and I will change my mind about my top choice!
Kristen–So often I see your beautiful food pictures featuring a fried-looking egg atop whatever. It looks SO good to me. What I want to know is do you cook the egg separately first? How DO you prepare it, if not?
-Gail
Yup! I cook the egg separately, and usually, it's the last thing I do.
I've been doing sunny-side-up eggs of late, and I don't think my method is anything super special.
I heat some kind of fat (usually bacon grease or butter), drop two eggs in, sprinkle them with salt and pepper, and cook them pretty slowly, until the white turns opaque and the yolk is still fairly soft.
Fried eggs are my go-to way of adding protein to whatever random things I'm using up from my fridge/pantry.
__________________
Annnnd that's the end of today's question list!
Both my own mother and my mother-in-law (with whom I lived when I had small children) were very good about stepping aside and allowing the day to be for me, as, I guess, the active duty mom. 🙂 I don't live with or see either of them on Mother's Day now, and Mother's Day is pretty low-key in our house. I usually get about two hours to myself to watch a movie, which is about all I want to do anyway. It means way more to me that my husband and children are willing to step in and help me when I'm sick or exhausted than that they cook or something on a random day of the year.
@kristin @ going country, I don't think it's random, though. For me, it's like celebrating Christmas on January 3rd. Why bother? Christmas was 10 days ago. Most people are more flexible than I am, though, I get that.
@Rose, Yes, I understand that feeling. However, I was more referring to the point that the actual day of Mother's Day being a day to celebrate me as a mom is not as important as the fact that they love me and want to do things for me on all the other days. It's not that I want to do the special brunch or flowers or whatever on any other day, it's just that being a mom is a 365 thing, and I want all the days to be days when they feel free to express their appreciation of what I do and am to them.
"If moms make their kids feel the weight of expectation, then the kids end up doing things out of guilt and fear"
Mine don't. Ha! I kind of wish they did, sometimes, but they're tough. We did have a nice day this year, though, just the three of us. My daughter made breakfast and my son brought me a lovely bouquet.
Son: "I don't know what you did to deserve such a nice bouqet, frankly." (I don't know where they get the snarkiness from)
Me: "I pushed your giant body [over 11 pounds] out of mine."
Son: "TOO SOON."
@Rose - Ha! Love your senses of humor.
I assume the question was from you? I feel the same way about how I always make sure to do something my MIL for Mother's Day (my own mom passed away a couple years ago) and while it's not a huge deal it would be nice to have the day feel more specific to me.
Good morning! I think that it's a brilliant idea for you to learn Spanish. If there is a way through Duolingo to incorporate medical terminology, it will be super helpful to you as a nurse. Wish I had done it. You may be surprised, BTW, by the wide variety of languages that you encounter in your nursing career--providing medical care has a way of making you cross paths with people who you wouldn't otherwise encounter. Regardless of what area you choose to practice in, you will be a natural. Sometimes the job you end up with depends more on what openings are available when, what shifts you are willing to work, and so on, so I applaud your open-mindedness to possible future work settings.
I smiled at the question about Mother's Day. Our wedding anniversary is in late April, my birthday falls less than a week before Mother's Day, so by the time Mother's Day arrives, my husband is tapped out (and my kids are, too). When my mom was alive, it was definitely about her, and yes, that can be frustrating when you are weighed down with child care as well as caring for elderly parents. I found early on that I needed to re-set my expectations and came to a similar conclusion as Kristen's--it's more about the big picture of showing mutual respect than it is the celebration of a day. Easier said than done sometimes. 😉
@Kris, a beautiful post, start to finish. Thank you. And open-mindedness and an open heart will take you everywhere you need or want to go.
@JDinNM, thank you for your kind comment!
I have a niece who heads labor and delivery in a small town hospital and a niece who heads NICU in a city hospital. They both love their jobs and must be good at it as they are both pretty young to have so much responsibility. The one in NICU says she can’t believe she gets paid to cuddle babies and the other niece has wild birth stories to tell. They both had to learn to handle the sadness and celebrate the joy. When you hear on the news that the US is experiencing an Opioid Epidemic that includes pregnant women.
Hello,
Love this blog and love to read all the time. I am getting a little annoyed though that we haven't heard anything or seen any pictures of your son, or am I being insensitive and something bad happened that I don't know about. I will totally be quiet if that is the case.
Marinell Crippen
very loyal fan
@Marinell Crippen, no need to be annoyed. Kristen very graciously addressed this awhile back in a heartfelt post. We completely respect her privacy and the privacy of her eldest. She's not obligated to share any more than she's comfortable sharing. 🙂
@Marinell Crippen, I kind of have wondering if there was any updates on Kristens son.
If i remember correctly they were astranged. wonder if time has healed some.
@Marinell Crippen, Are you here to harass her again?
I’d like to step in gently and say (from my personal experience) when a parent does not mention a child, there is usually a sensitive reason. In my own case, when people raise the topic, it makes me sad.
@Kathy L, I never know what to say when people ask me how many brothers and sisters I have. Do I erase the dead one and avoid embarassing people or do I mention him and have to be told "I'm so sorry" etc. IDK. I lean to the latter.
Marinell, what is confusing to me is that you have asked this question so many times, and apparently you never come back to read the responses because I have responded to you repeatedly. I don't know if you just leave a comment and then never return to read the comments on that post again?
Here is the post where I shared about this, and I am sorry to say that there is no further update. https://www.thefrugalgirl.com/qa-kids-marriage-and-money/
@Kristen, you are very gracious to keep answering her. I for one would be totally on board with this being the last time!
@Ally,
Me too. Perhaps someone like this enjoys all the responses and backlash, so maybe silence would be a better thing to do?
@Marinell Crippen, goodness gracious. Yes, you are being insensitive. And yes, you should totally be quiet.
@Kristen, Hugs to you!
@Ally, what you said. And, IMHO, Kristen would be completely justified in blocking her.
@Marinell Crippen, I think any loyal reader is very annoyed by your comment. This is Kristen’s blog and can share whatever, or not, that she wants. Maybe it’s time you move along. You are being highly insensitive and selfish. Please, I hope and pray you read the comments that people have left you and the very gracious comment Kristen left you. She is being too kind. Stop asking. Period.
@Marinell Crippen, I am more than a little annoyed at your repeated inquiries and discussion of YOUR feelings about this.We are privileged to share any parts of Kris’s life that she cares to share and o more. I wonder if you are personally dealing with a situation that is painful to you.no matter, you do need to back off, on this blog.Thank you. I imagine sooner or later Kristin will have to just block you — you are not adding anything at all to the conversation in this beautiful bog!!
I love that you are learning Spanish to help potential patients. My FIL is reverting back to Spanish as he ages and memory declines. Spanish-speaking medical personnel have been lifesavers.
My mom’s love language was cards, so a heartfelt card meant more to her than any expensive present would have. The last moment I remember her being aware, less than a 24hours before she died, I showed her homemade (grand)mother’s day cards from my kids. I also read my Mother’s Day card to her that night. This is the first time I’ve made that connection, but I guess it was fitting.
Sorry to go dark, there! As a mom, I let my husband know early on, that I did not want a breakfast out (so much work with little ones!) or expensive gifts. What I really want is some sort of gesture that I’m appreciated, plus a family outing in nature. I pick the outing location. Just to slow down and be together without distractions is the best gift. I also truly love all those homemade cards from when my kids were little.
@JenRR, That wasn't dark! It was lovely. And loving.
Mother's Day is just another Sunday! It's not a particularly great day for going out to eat because places are so busy, and I can't figure out when our expectations got so high! Instead of commandeering the whole family, why not schedule a simple lunch or picnic on an ordinary day, just you and your family and your mom or mother-in-law. Turn Thursday into an early Mother's Day, for instance, and plan a little special something. That would free you to enjoy the day with your own family, And don't wait for your husband or children to celebrate you on that day, instead celebrate yourself as the mom you are! I had a husband who was terrible at celebrating anything, and we lived overseas, so I learned to celebrate myself (which we should all be doing anyway!). PS My tradition was to bore my children with stories about the days they were born, each child separately, because that's how I became a mom! They loved it when they were little, and they laugh now that they're grown!
@Jean, I'm glad you feel that way but it's not how I feel.
I'm trying to learn Spanish on Duolingo too. What frustrates me is when I spent a week in Guatemala (where not everyone speaks Spanish, but most do) on two separate occasions, I felt I did better in communicating after a week there than I did in months of practicing on Duo. I think I would do best in immersion learning, but I can't get that in this end of the state.
Mother's Day: I don't have tons of experience with being a mom while having mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, etc. My mother-in-law died when I was 28, my only living grandmother died when I was 29 and my own mother died when I was 42, when my kids were 16 and 13. She and I had lived 700 miles apart since I was 21, so I normally called her, sent her a card and/or gift, and possibly sent special pictures of the kids. I almost never saw her in person on Mother's Day once I was an adult and moved to Florida. My parents usually visited my siblings and me for several weeks in the summer, and DH and I didn't have the extra money or time off to drive to my parents' very much back then.
I sometimes think about my kids, both of them mothers, and their having to deal with being moms while honoring their own mother (and mother-in-law, in one daughter's case). How is the day special for them? I try to be open to any plans they have made for Mother's Day and try to be as easy-going as I can that day, and I'll remind them that they need to take it easy on that day, too. My married daughter is helped by her very thoughtful husband, luckily.
I get what Rose is saying. It's not a problem for me because I am the oldest mother in my family, but it's become my daughters' situations. Rose, I don't think it's selfish or demanding to say, whoa, I'm a mom too. It's a lot of planning and effort to create a great Mother's Day for someone in a nursing home (just getting them out for a meal, oh my gosh!) even for someone you love dearly and are glad to do it. How old does Rose have to be before others take some of the work off of her so she can relax and enjoy Mother's Day herself ?
@JD, Apparently older than I am. Sigh. It's all extremely complicated, of course. My BIL, who is the only one strong enough to lift Mom, currently refuses to help and my sister is all "Well, he's done enough for our family" and I said, "But it's $350 otherwise to transport her" and my sister was like, "Well, if you're so concerned about your money" and the red mist rose in front of my eyes. Etc. Mom isn't heavy, but being paralyzed makes everything really difficult, even with me and my brother and my son trying to transport her.
And no one ever thanks me. Dunno why, but they don't. I'm totally over it but I don't know how much longer my mother has left. I guess I just don't know why no one realized how hard I've struggled over the past six months with death of BFF, hospitalization, and Mom's cancer and told me to put my feet up. I'm superwoman, obviously.
@JD, This might or might not help a little with learning a second language. I just discovered bi-lingual books, where English is on one side of each page and the second language (Spanish, e.g.) is on the facing side. This way you can see, sentence for sentence how it would be said while reading a novel (or non-fiction) you might also enjoy.
My first career was as a translator, working for a European government. Unless you can find a chat group in the language you are learning, it’s hard to become conversant. Our library has weekly chat groups in 3 languages so you could also look around for that option.
@Erika JS, And for anyone who wants to "Learn French, Live French, Love French", there's the Federation of Alliances Francaises USA that has chapters in every state (except Alaska, Wyoming, and North and South Dakota) and Puerto Rico. Most chapters have French classes for adults and children, with a focus on speaking conversational French.
@Rose,
Ugh, that sounds really hard. My extended family (mom and 3 sisters) have a "really strange dynamic", to quote my oldest sister....and I can totally relate that none of them ever thinks of how I've struggled over the years - with depression and anxiety, being an older mom (yes, absolutely my choice, but still challenging), being a mom to a special needs child, having a husband who works hard but has had a period of extended unemployment followed by underemployment that we're still catching up from years later, physical issues.....they just want to hear about the unicorns and rainbows. I am thankful that said husband tells me often how much he appreciates my hard work (I tell him the same thing, too). My son gave me a red soapstone heart as a Mother's Day gift - he gave me a white soapstone heart for my birthday last year - and told me he intends to give me a heart every year for Mother's Day. He's not a very emotional child, but very thoughtful, so this means a lot to me.
@Erika JS,
Thanks, Erika!
@Rose, I've experienced the "red mist" from clueless/unhelpful siblings and I feel for you. I try to thank the caregivers of my patients for all of the difficult, self-sacrificing things they do (it took being a caregiver, myself, to realize the enormity of the job) because it's often a thankless job, and caregivers are expected to drop everything time and time again to meet their loved one's needs. You have a lot of big things going on in your world and I'm sorry about that. Thanks for sharing your struggles.
I was very jealous of my neighbor's Facebook post when she, her daughter and granddaughter were off to a B&B in Castle for Mother's Day. They had a full day of wine tasting and spa treatments while, as usual, I cook for my kids and families stopping over and still try to make Mother's Day special for my 93 year old Mother in Law (exhausting). Well, she fell down the stairs shortly after arrival, broke her hip, had to be transferred to another hospital for surgery, was finally released to a care facility for two weeks and now is home with home health care physical therapy. So maybe I will chill on the Mother's Day expectations!
I just had this conversation about Mother’s Day with a friend a couple days ago. I agree that you need to revise expectations. You shouldn’t be beholden to your own mother or mother-in-law to give them some experience that they demand. If you are, there’s probably something wrong in that relationship that should be remedied before it damages you any more.
And as for what you expect from your own adult children, I one hundred percent agree that your day-to-day relationship with them is more important than one day a year. Don’t dial into those Hallmark holidays.
For years, I’ve treated my birthday as a day I get to pick and do a fun activity (it’s over the winter holidays so everyone is usually home). As a young mom, I would visit a museum and buy a membership so that we could then enjoy for the rest of the year at our leisure. But we’ve hiked, visited snowy amusement parks for light displays, arboretums…Often, my (now college age) kids join. Sometimes they couldn’t. Didn’t stop me. I think Mother’s Day is the same.
You’re going to be a great nurse no matter where you land, Kristen. Thanks for continuing to share your journey.
@Liane, I agree fully with your assessment about Hallmark holidays. For example, I told my husband years ago that he gets a pass on Valentine's Day; those days feel forced and phony to me.
@Central Calif. Artist, I feel the same way about the Hallmark holidays. We do celebrate them but very simply with low expectations.
When my mother & MIL were alive the day was mostly dedicated to them. They have both been gone several years & both daughters are moms. I really don't care whether I am given any gifts, normally the girls get me something though. My idea of a perfect Mom's Day is to not be responsible for anything including cooking. Let me do what I want for a day, this works for birthday also.
Excellent idea learning at least some Spanish. Many time I wish I could do more that pick out a few words.
Kristen. Please google my friend TOULA SARATSIS think you will find her work amazing.
She is also a Spanish teacher.
I use Duolingo for French. I've used it as a supplement to classes, and I've found it helpful. (I live in a French-speaking country, and I'm at a higher intermediate level, but not advanced.) I also started doing some Spanish, just a few lessons like you. I'm hoping that little by little I can pick up a bit and then add to it as I have time. I recently learned from a professor that Babbel is a better program than Duo, but I haven't tried it.
When I saw Mother’s Day in the title I thought oh, it must be that time again. I usually only realize it’s a holiday if I go to a store and it’s closed. Then I think oh ya it must be Christmas.
@Tiana, If only everyone did this! Think how much manufactured pressure and how many dashed expectations would disappear! Whatever could we do with all the time and energy we would have?
@JDinNM, And to think of the joy and happiness that would not exist! In fact, why even have holidays at all? Think of how much time and money would be saved!
@Rose, How much joy and happiness are you deriving from the holidays?
@JDinNM, Used to be quite a lot, actually. That's why I'm sad and upset when things are crappy. I don't sneer at them as "Hallmark" holidays, as if Hallmark invented Valentine's Day, et al.
I have had a hard time the past few years, with spending Thanksgiving in the hospital with Covid, my best friend dying on Christmas Eve, and so on. And my mother is sick with cancer. Should I just give up on things? To be honest, these crummy events have made me even more determined to try to find joy in things like holidays, weddings, family celebrations like my son's confirmation, etc. I just bought the most gorgeous unused 1930s wedding card for my niece's upcoming nuptials. Will she appreciate it? Maybe, possibly not, but even more, I'm loving picking it out for her. I'll stuff it with more cash than I can afford and enjoy every second.
I'm sure this sounds terrible but I hate Mother's Day. It has so much baggage attached to it for me. My mother and I have a complicated relationship. There were so many years I would just cry in front of the mother's day cards because I refused to pick out one that was a lie. Our relationship is better now but some broken parts of me related to that will never heal and I will always have fear (and a realistic expectation) that things could go back at any moment. Making things more complicated is the memory of the hurt that 8 years of infertility brought to Mother's Day. Even though now I have 3 kids and have been a mother for 18 years it brings it all back. I think it would be better if such a day didn't exist.
@KimN, Sending you healing thoughts!
Mother's and Father's Day are not without complications. I feel for my friends who could not have a child, and I am sorry for those who, like you, have painful parenting relationships.
I’m not really all that big on the “Hallmark holidays” so Mother’s Day doesn’t really matter to me. I loved getting the handmade stuff when my boys were little for sure though. My mom has lived out of state for the last 19 years so it’s usually a phone call to her and flower delivery. My mother in law on the other hand lives close and makes everything about her so that has been difficult in years past. Even when my kids were little she expected the day to be just about her. Just this Mother’s Day I told both my boys when they marry and have kids they need to celebrate their wives - at 55 I’ve had my turn.
When I first became a mom, both of my husband's grandmother's were living. One grandma expected that everyone go to brunch at a big wedding venue. My MIL graciously said that the grandma outing could count as her Mother's Day recognition. Now both grandmas have passed on, and so we only have my mom, mom-in-law, and me to honor in some way. My husband takes the girls to a greenhouse to pick out a hanging basket for each of our moms, and something for me. We spend the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend visiting both of our moms with the kids. Mother's Day itself, we go to church, as is our normal Sunday gig, and then do something as a family. This year, we dug up some very weedy areas (in the only full sun spot in our yard) to fill with flowers and vegetable plants. It was really lovely.
In years past, before we came to this system that makes everyone feel appreciated, and Mother's Day was spent honoring my grandmothers-in-law, I reminded myself that Mother's Day was created to remember our aged mothers, not mothers still in the thick of raising their children. Some day I'll be an aged mother (God willing), and I will hope that my adult children will remember and honor me on that day.
I am curious if anyone, as child or adult, ever participated in the "Make breakfast and serve it to Mom in bed" tradition? I have seen it in entertainment/comics/TV, etc., but don't know of it in real life.
My son is on the autism spectrum and HATES holidays. I think that when he was young, the combinations of those days being out of routine, then dealing with lots of emotions around him that he didn't understand or feel himself, and strange relatives, and church-stuff, was just too much for him, and he never changed his mind. That he walked to the store and bought, addressed, and gave me a card by himself this year means a lot to me. It isn't the kind of Mother's Day I once might have imagined, yet it does make us stop and think about who we are as a family, and that has become the purpose of most holidays for us.
@Heidi Louise, My niece insists on serving breakfast in bed to her mom every Mother's Day, and has done so for at least five years. Unfortunately, her mom actually really dislikes eating in bed, but doesn't have the heart to tell her daughter now. 🙂 I also have zero interest in eating anywhere near my pillow, but my family knows that already.
@kristin @ going country, I'm also not sure I would be too crazy about it. (It kind of would break the Happy Mood to say, "Wait! I have to go to the bathroom before I come back and eat!"). I would be happier at a table.
Hi Heidi Louis, it’s very common in British families for the mum’s of younger kids to get breakfast in bed and homemade cards or crafts on Mother’s Day, in fact that’s usually all mums get here! Dad’s are expected to supervise the breakfast making. In our house my kids are early risers so Mother’s Day starts early; as the kids are usually very keen to give you what they made for you. Cards/gifts are usually made in school as the art project for that week. Shop bought cards & gifts tend to only be bought by adult children.
Later in the day is grandma time. Our tradition comes from servants being given a specific Sunday off in March to go home to their mothers with gifts of food, as this is the time of year when traditionally food is in short supply in the UK (hungry gap between harvests). So the general idea is for adult children to give their mum lunch!
@Effie, Thank you for the background of the servant tradition!
In the U.S., cards and other items made in school are common as well.
@Heidi Louise, when my son was in second grade, the teachers had the kids put together a brown bag breakfast to give to their moms for breakfast in bed. I dislike eating in bed (crumbs!!!) but consuming the granola bar and juice box while propped up on pillows, with my little boy continuously walking in front of the door peering in at me, is a sweet and funny memory. I would never have hurt his feelings by not acting completely thrilled with the experience. Much like wearing some of the odd handmade jewelry (in public) that my kids made me in other years. 🙂
@Effie, If anyone cares, "Mothering Sunday" is a wonderful book. It's fiction, though.
@Kris, Thank you, Kris-- That is a charming story!
Mother's Day is a tricky one for me. In general, I'm not a demanding person. Gifts are not my love language. But mother's day means something to me because right now it is so closely tied to my identity. My very first mother's day, I woke up at 5 am (with a four month old) and started making a brunch for my mother-in-law - she was happy to make it all about her. I wasn't really recognized and that hurt. Afterwards, I let my husband know and did my best to let it go. Then my kids started making things for me at school and at home just for me and that's been nice. I know that they love me.
This year did not go so smoothly. It was 11:00 and no one had wished me a Happy Mothers Day and it was bothering me so I asked them if anyone was going to wish me a happy mothers day. They were planning on giving me a card and a gift they had made for me after we got back from visiting some friends that afternoon but I just wanted to be recognized. I didn't want to guilt them - no one wins with that. But I also know that it's important for my own well-being to be able to communicate what I want sometimes. AND more importantly, I want to do whatever I can to make sure that my kids are thoughtful and appreciative and aren't afraid to show their gratitude to those they love. I ended up telling them that it made me feel bad and I asked them to wish me a happy mother's day in the morning next year. I still don't feel great about it but it turns out this one is important to me.
I usually make sure we visit my folks on Mothers Day and Fathers Day. They're not demanding people either - really all they want is for the baby birds to fly home to their nest so it's the least we can do. I usually take them a little something, even if it's just a treat or a plant/flowers. My in-laws live a little further away so we always make sure we send a card (signed by everyone) and a gift and call in the morning. There's a little more pressure there - both due to having to plan ahead and due to personalities.
@CrunchyCake, Gifts are my love language. I can't help it. I don't think that makes me a demanding person--in fact, I am well known among friends and family for being a great gift giver. I love giving and receiving gifts. Unfortunately, there's a trope now about it being about materialism, which it is not, so it's hard even to admit that gifts are important to me. It stings a bit that no one makes a big deal out of my birthday, etc--I no longer have a husband, my parents are out of the equation, my sister decided that only my niece deserves gifts, etc. So I buy my own nice gifts and the hell with everyone else, ha!
@Rose, it is a good thing that we all are somewhat anonymous here or you would get buried in gifts from this community on your birthday!! But then we'd find a way to turn it into a Frugal Fest. . . 😎
@Rose, I know that "experiences over stuff" is popular right now, but stuff also can bring back good memories over and over. When I am sad I may not think of a trip we took, but when I am sad and see the totally useless but beautiful larger-then-life fused orange and yellow glass chicken sitting on the window sill in my kitchen (so when the sun hits, the room is filled with color from the glass) I am reminded of how much someone loved me and really knew me to find something so perfect for my taste. I like experiences but I like gifts, too, and I refuse to feel ashamed of my emotions. I am sorry your family is not responsive to that desire in you because you deserve better.
Thanks, pals. One of my most treasured objects is a small terracotta pot painted by my son in Pre-K, with crepe paper roses he made and some now-ancient moss, as a Mother's Day gift. It's delightful.
@Rose, I also have gifts as my love language. I love giving a great gift to my loved ones. And I love getting gifts from my husband or children. My daughter’s favorite thing to do is bring me my favorite candy from the grocery store, which my husband limits to once a month. Makes me feel love and appreciated that they see something and think of me just because. 🙂
Just out of curiosity, I asked Google “is there a grandparents day?” Yikes. Sunday, September 10 of this (2023) year. “Grandparents Day is celebrated on the first Sunday in September after Labor Day and is it is the perfect opportunity to spend time with the grandparents we love so much!” It’s a national holiday established by Congress and signed by President Carter in 1978.
Did all of you miss this one? Just another one to add to your calendar so you can (must!) buy cards, flowers, gifts, meals, etc. etc. etc…
@JDinNM, I remember that from when I was a child. I never made it a thing for my kids. As many have said here, I think it's important how the relationship is through out the year. I encouraged/encourage my kids to contact their grandparents, but I can't make them. (They're adults.)
Kristen, I think your Duolingo choice is a very sensible one. Spanish is the most commonly spoken language after English in the US. And I confess that in later life, I've wished I'd taken Spanish instead of French in high school; among other things, it would have made communicating with the staff at my mother's nursing home easier.
As for the Mother's Day question, I'm a childless woman whose mother and MIL both died long ago, so I'm going to sit this one out. I'll say only that for me, the day holds no tension and no regrets.
When I graduated nursing school, L &D was where I planned to work. Back then we needed some med-surg experience first (something many hospitals no longer expect). I was a med-surg float who got to go to post partum (mom-baby) as well. I did a several year stint as a Nursing Supervisor and filled in as needed in the Education Dept, then as a charge on the surgical unit before landing in my current home of Pediatrics. At my hospital, pediatrics is small and lower acuity (we send the sicker kids to Children's or another pediatric facility who have the pediatric specialists), so, we also take mother-baby couplets and NICU babies who are working on feeding/growing or are close to going home. Our unit is more conducive to parents rooming in and being hands on. In any case, I now have the best of all worlds. We float to post partum and NICU as needed too. As for my original plan...latex gloves put a damper on that when I started 34 years ago and I really enjoyed the teaching aspect of post partum so I never pursued it. The best part of nursing is the opportunity to work in so many different areas and types of nursing even if you stay at the same hospital as I have for 34 years 🙂
Kristen, congratulations on nursing school! That's wonderful to hear and I know you will make a wonderful nurse, the kind that make what can be a tough time a little more bearable. I remember one particular nurse who saw my panic before being anesthetized during a procedure and she held my hand and kept eye contact and told me it was all okay and that she would be there when I woke. It really calmed me deeply.
Mother's day is tricky and sometimes painful for me. I am childfree, but others often wish me a Happy Mother's Day even though I am not a mother and I hate having to explain each time so I usually just let it go gracefully. Also, my mom passed away a few years ago and the last time I saw her before it happened was on Mother's Day. I also am irked by retailers who bombard you with Mother's Day sales and offers. Very few allow you to opt out of specific holidays, but I wish more would. Father's day is also a tough time for me. While I hope others who want to celebrate have a wonderful day, I would rather not have to be reminded about it.
@AnnieH, I have another frightening test to go through in a few weeks. The nurse who gave the bad news to me took the time to tell me how she had the same test two years ago and it scared her to death. She said in the middle of it the person doing the test tried to tell her she was fine, that it was the effect of the drug on he heart, and this nurse yelled at her, "I am dying and you are stupid!" She, of course, was horrified later but they told her people taking the test frequently think they are dying and yell at them. It made me laugh and I appreciated her taking the time to tell me her experience, even though it meant telling something personal to me, and to let me know that she reacted like a normal patient. She will be in the room with me during the test and said I can tell her I am dying and she is stupid.
@AnnieH, Mother’s Day is tricky for me as well. I do have a child but our first born son was prematurely born the day before Mother’s Day and passed away on Mother’s Day that year.
Re: Mothers Day. When was a kid, it was kind of a family joke that my maternal grandmother (who lived with us) had not been the most attentive mother to my only child mom. Anyway. sort of because of that? Once my mom became a mother, Mothers Day was ALL FOR HER. Thus, we reserved Grandparents day for my Grandmother (who was a fabulous grandparent) And, the holiday shifted to "current" mom. That's how we settled the Mothers Day dilemma (at least).
At some collegiate something somewheres, I have seen "Introductory Spanish for health care workers" courses. Perhaps that will come your way some time, and any head start you have will help.
I love to see people learning languages—I'm so glad you're doing Duolingo and am happy to see that others here are on language learning journeys as well. 🙂
I really do need to restart Spanish. I took 6 years of it in school, then abandoned it and learned Russian. Now I am interested in Spanish again (while keeping up with my Russian—I put WAY too much effort into that language to risk losing it, haha).
I also can't wait to see what nursing speciality you decide on! My cousin was going to do geriatrics but ended up loving the NICU, so that's where she was working before she had kids.
@Natalie K., To be 100% honest, I kind of feel like Kristen would be better off in geriatrics. Mainly because it's easy to love babies, but not so easy to love oldsters, many of whom are almost functional babies, and I would like Kristen's sweet spirit to go where it's needed most. Anyway--where she is called will be fine and the nursing field will be better for having her in it.
That's so funny because geriatrics is a field I've kind of written off. But who knows, perhaps I will enjoy my rotation in elder care!
@Rose,
There is a crying need for geriatric health care workers. I almost said something about that myself.
@JD, once when I was hospitalized for cellulitis, the only bed they had for me was in the geriatrics ward. I almost lost my mind with stress. (So much crying. My neighbor who kept shouting that he couldn't breathe. My roommate who was very old and kept crying for her mama.) I was humbled by the sweet, loving nurses. Though one day I said if they didn't move the crying-for-mama lady out of my room (who would occasionally scream too) I was leaving AMA. They moved her.
It's so, so hard.
@Rose, I 100% agree. Kristen will be an AMAZING nurse, no matter what speciality she's in! 🙂
aww, you picked my question, thank you 🙂
I see you with babies and mothers, you have the empathy for it for sure.
Good luck!!
Good call to be taking Spanish. I had two years of high school French and one year of college Spanish. The Latin derivatives in both made vocabulary fairly easy and the verb conjugations are essentially the same. I never became fluent in speaking either.
I am glad for your desire to be a nurse. It is a field much like teaching that has less appeal because of the hard work and opportunity for burnout.
And not to be the grammar police, but the egg whites "lose their translucency" and become "opaque" when they are cooked...
My goodness, I don't know how I missed that! I must have been distracted when I was typing that part...I do know the difference between opaque and translucent. lol
Thanks for letting me know; I fixed it now. 🙂
My mom and MIL are both quite laid back so we all kind of share the holiday. If we are in the same place we would get together and no one mom would be the center of attention if that makes sense. This year my sister and I got our families together and just spent a really fun day at home and we cooked and chatted and puttered around with the kids. I would love to do that every year.
Hi Kristen, Another midlife career-changer to nursing here, and I’d just like to plant a seed… Like you, I had had some birth-related experiences earlier in my life (childbirth educator and occasional labor coach), and when, after many years of mulling about it, I finally went back to school for a degree in nursing, I was *sure* that I would just LOVE my clinical rotation in Maternal Child Health, but… I didn’t. And I was rather stunned by that. What hit me instead was frustration with the whole labor/birth side of the unit because I felt like the nurses had such a TINY window (i.e. 1-2 day stays) to make any positive interventions for new moms in need of help - so much need and so little time.
Somewhat to my surprise I felt very drawn to caring for people at the end of life. I was lucky enough to do a summer internship with the local hospice between terms and felt immediately that I had found my professional home. Ultimately I spent 17 years there as a home hospice nurse and I loved it. Initially I thought that my interests had simply gone from one end of the continuum to the other; later I realized that what I had actually done was to go full circle, that, from a nurse’s perspective, the experiences of birth and death have a great deal in common. In both settings you are using your *self* - by presence, touch, teaching, listening, caring - to help both an individual and a family to a new place. I came to think of it as “spiritual midwifery.” Just my two cents, FWIW.
@Pauline in Upstate NY, first, greetings from another Upstater. And, second, yours is a great comment. As JD and Rose have said, there is a crying need for nurses in end-of-life care--and as you have said, it's "midwifery" of another sort. Thank you.
@A. Marie, thanks so much for your response! I’m fairly new to this blog and very much enjoying the engaged community of like-minded souls. And, yes, it’s good to hear from another Upstater - someone who knows the frustration of this area’s “move the plants out in the AM, move them back in the PM” idea of spring… I am very tired of yoyo-ing back & forth between May and March. Right now I have a fire in my woodstove again, but I want to quit moving those tomatoes and peppers and PLANT them!! (Maybe this weekend??)
@A. Marie, agree that end of life nurses are wonderful and much needed. A loved one was getting hospice care at home, and the 1-2 nurse visits a day for the last month made a huge positive impact on managing pain and comfort.
I love that you're going into nursing for what I consider "all the right reasons." There was a time period (maybe 20 yrs ago?) when nursing was being pushed as a high paying career and a number of (mostly) women went into it for monetary and job security reasons. While they are good reasons, nurses still need to be compassionate and dedicated in ways other careers don't require, so in my mind, at least, a person considering nursing needs to have at least some altruistic reasons for making nursing their life's work. And quite honestly, anyone who has needed a nurse during a difficult time can easily identify these nurses!
I was slightly amused by your reference to fathers on Father's Day being both givers and receivers. Ha! In my family, women do all the planning and "honoring" for both days.
Is your family OK with posting that photo of them with their stillborn baby. That seems super personal
Of course. Those two pictures have been on my blog for years, and I explicitly asked permission from my sister-in-law before I posted them.
I am not a mom (except to fur babies!) so everyone can take this with a grain of salt, but women (moms in particular in this case) often take on much of the "hard", everyday care parts of parenting. From my point of view, it can even at times seem unbalanced vs. what is required of the dad. So I think that for Mother's Day, if there is something special you as a mom might like, it is *totally* fair for you to bring that up with your partner and/or kids in advance and talk about it! Perhaps if they knew what mom would truly love for the day, the partner/kids would be willing to make the effort for it. At any rate, it's worth the asking, I think! And a very happy Mother's Day to all who celebrated this year!!
I think once you have your own kids then you are allowed to make your mother's day about YOU, not your mom or MIL.
By all means meet up with them if it suits you, but don't be guilted into giving up your mother's day for them.
When i was a kid my granny lived a few hours drive and we didn't see her on mother's day. Now my mam lives only a 10 min drive and sometimes we meet up on mother's day and sometimes not, but I definitely see it as MY day.
I love these posts! Fun story about knowing Spanish: Our son, who is 25 , has always been great with languages. He drove his high school Spanish teachers crazy because he was always so bored in class. He and his wife are currently on a 10-day trip to Spain, so he has been brushing up on his Spanish with Duolingo. This morning, he ended up in the hotel sauna with Ryan Seacrest!!! Our son said hello and asked him where he was from in Spanish. Mr. Seacrest responded in English and complimented our son on his Spanish! So...ya never know when it might come in handy! LOL!
Also, we live pretty close to you geographically, and I would say you may absolutely end up with patients who speak Russian! In fact, in my work, we encounter more Russian and Arabic and Hindi/Indian languages than we do Spanish, honestly. Thank goodness for translation services! 🙂 Always good to stretch our brains with new languages and learning!
Your enthusiasm about nursing school just brings back all my good memories of when it was ME going through that anticipation back in 1982!! I was also an “older” student, I was 28 and had an 8 year old and a husband who was also in school,when I started.(We were so broke, but really happy..)
I went to a Community college and we were in clincals just about RIGHT AWAY and it was a great experience. I learned so much,so fast. I felt very prepared when I graduated! I went back and got more education later-on, with financial help from employer. I am a BIG BELIEVER IN COMMUNITY COLLEGES !
I fell in love with labor and delivery on my first LandD rotation. Then I also loved pediatrics but L and D won out. I did have a chance to cross train at one point and so got to work both.
Yes, working in birthing is almost always a wonderful time, but there are some sad times like you went through with you sis in law and then the caring comfort of a good nurse helps that family SO MUCH. You are gonna be so great at this!!
Thanks for sharing ALL OF IT with us!!
Thanks for sharing how you make your sunny-side-up eggs! Low and slow until the whites turn opaque and the yolks are fairly soft. Sprinkle with salt & pepper. Yummy!
Thanks for the link to the Self-Care is for Everyone store! I love so many things on that site! I wish they had children's sizes though!