Monday Q&A | The Baby Season of Life and a few homeschooling questions
Every Monday, I answer a few of the questions that my readers send me. If you have a question you'd like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just leave me a comment here or email me (thefrugalgirl [at] gmail [dot] com) and put Q&A in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!
I am a new mom and I stay at home with my 6 month old daughter. I work 5-10 hours a week for pay from home with the occassional work meeting outside of the home. I mostly do that work while my baby is sleeping. My question for you is whether or not you managed to do all that you do (specifically homecooked meals every night, baking bread, sewing) when you had a baby (or babies since your kids are somewhat close in age). For example, when Joshua was a baby, did you bake your own bread? I would love to do that but I struggle as it is to get dinner on the table. My baby needs to be entertained/played with when she is awake so it is hard for me to spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I do make some freezer meals on the weekends when my husband can play with the baby, but I don't want to increase that time too much since I think we should have family time on the weekends since my husband works Monday through Friday. Just curious how you handled that when you had smaller children.
Thanks,
Meghann
Probably the biggest difference between my life now and my life then is that I didn't blog when I had babies! Blogging about frugal living makes things a bit more time-consuming. 😉
I have consistently made meals at home over the years (except for some months in each of my pregnancies where I was so sick I could hardly think about cooking) because eating out is SO expensive. The meals haven't ever been fancy or gourmet on a regular basis, of course, but I think that's ok.
Don't feel bad about keeping your meals simple during this season of life, and don't feel bad about not cooking everything from scratch. Your baby won't always be a baby, you know? One day he or she will be more independent, and you'll get some of your time back.
For now, soups, salads, sandwiches, grilled marinated meat, or frozen ravioli topped with a jar of sauce will do just fine.
And don't stress about not baking bread...I did that some when my kids were little, but that's because I enjoy it and because I was already a very experienced baker when I had babies. Making bread is only slightly harder than breathing for me. 😉
In case you missed it, check out my post about wisely choosing frugal activities...I put that together for a group of moms with young children, and the principles in it might help you in this stage of life.
I know your blog's focus is around being frugal, but I was wondering if you could do a post about your decision to homeschool. I know you were homeschooled, so is that why? Was Mr. FG homeschooled? Do your kids ever wonder why they don't attend a public/private school outside of the home? Thank you!
-Nicole
You'll be pleased to know that I finally wrote a nice long post about why I homeschool my children.
Mr. FG actually wasn't homeschooled (he attended public school), but before I even met him, he'd decided that he would like to homeschool any children he might one day have. So, that worked out very nicely.
My kids are aware of a lot of the reasons that we homeschool, and thus far, they have never, ever expressed a desire to go to a traditional school. In fact, they're quite opposed to the idea, which I totally understand.
As a homeschooled kid myself, I never wanted to go to regular school either*. Mostly, that's because homeschooling takes a lot less time than traditional school does (homeschooling is efficient, at least for the kids!), and that left me with lots of play time.
Even if they're not sold on the educational benefits of homeschooling, not a lot of kids are going to argue with more playtime. 😉
Anyway, they're all very happy with the status quo.
*I did go to college and I functioned just fine. I preferred learning on my own to learning in the classroom, though, mostly because I felt like a lot of my classes were really inefficient.
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Readers, do you have any advice to share with Meghann?
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Today's 365 post: This is a Joshua-style photo
For the person who asked the first question (with the baby), I think you are doing fine. Please give yourself a break!
One strategy I used when my baby was that age... I put her in her high chair and scooted her right next to me in the kitchen so she could watch. I often gave her something to play with... a measuring cup, a washed lemon, etc. She actually loved it. I think a lot of kids enjoy just being a part of adult projects. As she got older, I let her "wash" a potato with a wet wash cloth or I gave her a plastic bowl with a tiny bit of flour and water in it and gave her a little whisk. I encouraged her to smell things, touch things, etc. Now she's almost 3 and BEGS me to let her help in the kitchen. Good luck, and as Kristen said, please try to enjoy this time with your baby!
I love your idea of putting her in a high chair in the kitchen! I always have my kids with me (3 and 9 months) in the kitchen with me when I'm cooking, but it never occurred to me to put the baby in a high chair. We have a special box of "kitchen toys" for the peanut, and my son has a little play kitchen and his stool. Sometimes he "helps" me cook, sometimes he cooks at his play kitchen, and sometimes he just sits on the stool and sings or does pretend school.
I love to bake, too, but even I took breaks when my kids were newborns. I usually started baking regularly again around 4 or 5 months, since that was the age they switched from nursing to a bottle in the middle of the night so my husband could get up with them and I could get some sleep!
Meghann, the first child is hard! I have more time now, with three kids, including a baby, than I did when my first was a baby. It's like a total readjustment of your life, and you need to give yourself a lot of patience.
I do want to suggest, if home-baked bread is something you enjoy--as opposed to something you think you should do, in which case I'd say to just set that should aside--you might want to try the no-knead method. I started doing this a couple of months ago. My husband was very sick and wasn't able to do much around the house, so my time was really limited, but everybody here loves fresh bread. I started using the quick artisan bread method, and it has worked out great. You basically just mix up a big batch of wet dough (no kneading) that you then store in the fridge, and you pull off enough for a loaf at a time, let it rise for 45 minutes or so, then bake it. I was able to find a couple of books in the library about doing it, and there's a lot of information online. It's much easier than I'd expected. If you and your family enjoy fresh bread, that might be something to try.
Yes! I so agree that the first baby is the hardest...I felt much more on top of my life with baby #4 than with baby #1, even though with #4 I had three other kids to take care of.
I have been wondering about preschool. Did you preschool your children at home, or did you just start formally with Kindergarten?
We didn't do any formal schooling before kindergarten, no. Just lots of reading, real-life learning (like talking about shapes and colors and letters, pointing out plants and animals, etc.), and some educational DVDs, like National Geographic, from the library.
Despite having had no formal preschooling, all four of my children were reading by the time their kindergarten year was over, some before that. I don't think preschool is bad, per se, but I don't think formal preschool is as necessary as some people think it is.
As a mom of grown kids, I look back on the high-maintenance days of babies and toddlers and wish that I had not been so hard on myself. I had high expectations of what I should accomplish during that season, not realizing that it is just that -- a season of your life. There will be plenty of time later to do all the things you think you ought to, or even want to do. Focus on keeping the main things, the main things -- caring for/training your child, having a peaceful, happy life -- and there will be plenty of time later to bake bread, and deep clean. I also wish that I had not always felt that I needed to be taking my toddlers out for "experiences", e.g. the zoo, the county fair, the amusement park. It was so exhausting, and so much fuss -- and you know what? They don't remember it! 🙂 Wait until they're a little older when you and they will enjoy it much more!
Yep-especially the first time through, it's hard to grasp the concept of this being a stage. I remember feeling like Joshua's high-maintenance babyhood was going to go on FOREVER! If I could go back and be a mom to his newborn self again, I know I'd handle it better just because I have more perspective now than I used to.
Thanks for answering my question Kristin and for all of the helpful commenters. My daughter is a little older now than she was when I asked that question and things are already getting easier. She plays happily on her own for longer periods so I can get some things done. We're sticking to simple dinners but cooking at home almost every night. I'm going to look into the no-kneed bread!
Sorry, I meant Kristen, not Kristin. I like when people spell my name correctly so I should be more careful!
Glad to know it actually gets easier with the later children!
No worries! There are lots of ways to spell my name, so I'm used to people getting it wrong. 😉 There's Kristin, Kristen, Christin, Krysten, Kirsten, Chrystin, Chrysten, Kristyn...a dizzying array of options.
Meghann, as long as everyone has reasonably decent food in their tummies and mostly clean clothes on their backs, you're doing fine; in the case of babies and their caregivers, the definition of "reasonably clean" is very flexible. With some spitty babies, the shirts get dirty immediately. I remember one story my sib told me: my nibling had spit up 5 or 6 times that day, and my sib had changed 5 or 6 times already. Finally there was an hour where my nibling hadn't spit up and my sib - foolish person! - remarked "Look, baby! Here's a shirt you haven't thrown up on yet." Guess what happened?
FWIW I like your focus on having family time on the weekends. Which will you remember more when you're 80 - the time you played as a family, or the chores you finished?
My suggestion, since you asked, is to focus on ways to spend less time getting simple meals on the table. What are things your family likes, that you scale up easily? For me that would include roasts, soups, pots o' dinner (ex: jambalaya, beans, stews).
You could also try various things to entertain your child while you do chores. Board books, a jumpy seat, a playpen, noisy toys, empty boxes, play mats (http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Rainforest-Melodies-Lights-Deluxe/dp/B000FFL58Q/ref=sr_1_4?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1335201893&sr=1-4). Or different ways to put your child near you while you work, such as portable swing, jumpy seat, or high chair in your line of sight; maybe combined with talking/singing to her while you work.
This is a personal question, but I'd be interested to know (if you are willing to share) how you and your husband knew you were ready to start having kids... What factors went into that decision and what were your conversations like?
It has been my experience as a homeschooling mom that we each have to find our balance in it. Why are you doing it to start with? your why should be what gets scheduled into each day, everything is just extra. go easy on yourself and keep your why in mind, the rest will then workout.
When my lil' one wasn't big enough to entertain herself for very long, I would wear her-- I had a Baby Bjorn front carrier. A lot of people like wraps, like the Moby Wrap or something similar. It does make some things awkward-- like bending over to get laundry out of the dryer, or to knead bread by hand-- but it's not too much different than being hugely pregnant. 😛
Now that she's bigger (about a year) she'll often play with something on the kitchen floor or sit in her chair and watch me and snack on something.
I second the babywearing option! I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 9 month old...and I'd never get anything done if I didn't have my baby wrap. They're SO worth the investment.
This may not be the most frugal answer out there for Meghann, but, I love my bread machine. They're like.... crock pots for bread. Throw some ingredients in, set it, walk away and three hours later, fresh, warm bread. Even a lot of the lower end models have a timer function on them, so if you wanted to wake up to the smell of fresh bread baking, you could load it up and set it like a coffee pot.
But, everyone else has given good advice about this just being a season in your life. Bake bread because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.
Meghann, I have 3 kids, now 7,6, and 4 1/2. When they were babies, I cooked homecooked meals, but very simple meals. One piece of advice I have if you want to make homemade bread is to check out Artisan Bread in 5 minutes a day. I make bread all the time now without much effort at all. Hands on, it really does only take 5 minutes. No needing at all. Throw 4 ingredients in a bowl, stir, sit on the counter for 2 hours. After that you can either quickly (like 30 seconds) form a loaf, let rise 20 minutes and put in the oven or refrigerate the dough to use later. I also always have one or two baked loaves in the freezer that I can pull out and quickly defrost.
I also always have a quick meal available for the times when dinner plans change - either the afternoon becomes chaotic or we decide to go out and bike ride and aren't home for long dinner preparations.
Thank you for the post! I am so glad I found your blog because it has provided me with so many great tips and advice.
My baby is 14 month old and I feel sometimes so much "pressure" because I am not able to keep up with the cleaning, cooking and doing it all like before. I am working full time and have a long commute. Right now I am the bread winner in our family so my baby is at daycare while my husband finishes school. I had to revise all of my expectations simply because I COULD NOT keep up with it all. I was sleep deprived, exhausted and miserable. I started thinking about my priorities and what was the most important at that time. For me it was to breastfeed. I know it might sound silly but it was a huge commitment to pump 3 times at work initially, fight with the daycare provider who was constantly telling me that the milk isn't "enough" and make sure that I get enough bonding time with baby when I am home. In the first month I was just happy to have clean underwear every day and my husband had to do most of the daily chores.
Now everything is easier and I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who felt "overwhelmed" with the standards that we are setting for ourselves.
About the bread, I have a bread machine. It is so easy to use because you just throw the ingredients and push start. I have it now for 5 years and we had to buy a new insert two years ago because the original wear out. Totally worth the investment.
Here is a link for the artisan bread that has been mentioned here today:
http://www.motherearthnews.com/Real-Food/Artisan-Bread-In-Five-Minutes-A-Day.aspx
It's a hit in this family! And even though the sliding it onto the hot baking stone part is usually a disaster, I'm now content to just somehow scrape the blob of dough onto the stone, then take the knife and re-score the loaf and call it good. Still tastes quite delicious! 🙂 The trick is not to burn yourself while doing that in a 450°F oven...
I am repeating the "season of life" line to myself a lot right now. Like when I wound up with two children in bed with me last night. Eventually, they won't want to do that.
I totally agree that homeschool is more efficient. I was home-schooled, and the current plan is to homeschool our children. So far, my oldest is only 3.5 but we can do phonics, math, reading and Bible in 20 minutes or less with one simple one-on-one session. From my experience as a K5 teacher, I recall that a LOT of time was wasted on classroom management, as well as trying to teach to the middle of the class with help on the side for advanced and remedial students. Teaching one at a time is SO much easier. Not to mention older students can work independently most of the time.
While I never home-schooled my kids, I so wish I had. Why? I found out how very inefficient regular school is when my daughter got expelled from school for a stupid thing she said and they sent one teacher to the house twice a week for two hour sessions. That was all it took to cover an entire week at regular high school--4 hours! That was an eye opener, indeed. How I wish I had those years back!