Monday Q&A | Distractions, Early-Bedtime Difficulties, and Grocery Prices
Every Monday, I answer a few of the questions that my readers send me. If you have a question you'd like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just leave me a comment here or email me (thefrugalgirl [at] gmail [dot] com) and put Q&A in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!
You are at home with your kids, and I work during the day. I was wondering if you feel fully present when you're at home"”or if you feel fragmented, online, on the phone etc.? I'm trying to make a better effort of not checking email at night, etc."”so I can be fully present during family time. Just curious how you feel, focused and fully there with your family...or kind of fragmented?
-Karen S.
Well, I think that being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of four children is sort of a fragmented, distracted kind of job! There are always things pulling me in different directions.
I do try to minimize this, though. Having a schedule/routine in place is really helpful, as is portioning of segments of the day where I do not get on the computer or talk on the phone. The TV is also a common distraction, so if that's a temptation for you, I'd highly recommend turning it off during the time you want to spend with your family.
For instance, when we're doing school, when I'm making dinner, when we're having family worship, and during the block of time that I spend with Mr. FG each night, the phone and internet are off-limits to me (in case you missed it, I shared my current schedule recently).
Of course, it's a struggle I'm always fighting against, because electronic distractions do a great job of lure us in. But being mindful of the temptation they represent and having a plan to keep your electronic usage under control is at least a good start.
I know you home educate and so you are not stuck with school times which allows possible freedom on a lot of things. What is it like, social wise, going to bed mid evening instead of the more "traditional" 10, 11 at night? For us, we might be eating at 8.30, or doing things with friends, or about to watch a movie etc... or on the odd occasion be asked out with friends or asked to baby sit. ie, our friend's free time is the evening and so simple things like phone calls etc.. would not be possible if we went to bed early or got up early.
-Steve H.
It's definitely a problem for us, especially because Mr. FG's work schedule requires him to be in bed early on Friday evenings. It makes it hard to participate in church events, family gatherings, and such, because work nights are pretty much just out of the question for social stuff.
When he had a Monday-Friday schedule and a more reasonable bedtime/rising time, we had a lot more flexibility as far as getting together with other people goes.
So, yeah...we're not at all fans of this schedule, and we'd dearly love for it to be changed. But when Mr. FG got this job, his other job was about to end due to outsourcing, and so we were not in a position to be choosy. You gotta do what you gotta do.
We certainly have times where we feel sorry for ourselves about this schedule, but we're trying to make the best of it, and we're well aware that other people have work schedules that are far worse (actually, one of Mr. FG's old schedules was worse! He had to go to bed at 6:00 pm, and that was truly awful.).
I seriously don't know how you can get SO much for SO little. I would be very curious to see how much each item cost. I spend TOO much on groceries and I only buy staples, no processed foods. I feel like I am buying ¼ of the stuff you purchase and pay twice the amount. I am only feeding two people but I wonder if where I live staples are just more expensive. 4L of milk is right around $4.50 and a loaf of french bread is $1.50 for example.
-Ban C.
I've addressed this topic before, but I thought it was worth mentioning again. Yes, food costs vary greatly from area to area. I'm assuming you're in Canada, since you mention milk in liters, and I can safely say that from what I see, food IS more expensive where you live (a gallon of milk at a non-Aldi store here costs $3.50 or so).
So, you could definitely be applying the same grocery shopping principles I use (drink water, buy unprocessed foods, buy generics, cook from scratch or near scratch, etc.) and be spending a lot more than I do.
Plus, if you live in an area where there is little grocery store competition or where there's no discount store like Aldi, you'll have a harder time making it with a low budget.
I would suggest not focusing as much on my grocery budget dollar amount as on my shopping principles ( a summary post on those is coming up soon)...if you apply the principles, then you can be fairly sure that you're doing the best you can for your life situation.
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Readers, have at it! Share your thoughts. 🙂
Today's 365 post: So I tried a new coffeecake recipe
Joshua's 365 post: The things that you can do...
Kristen, I think you hit on a VERY important concept/idea for Ban. One needs to do the very best one can, and call it good. If I tried to match what I see some people do in the blogs I read, I would lose hope very quickly. But I know that if I "drink water, buy unprocessed foods, buy generics, cook from scratch or near scratch, etc", I am doing what I can in my situation.
Thanks as always for your wonderful blog.
I agree - grocery prices can vary so much from place to place. I noticed that when we moved from MN to Cincinnati - some things got a lot more expensive, and some dropped in price.
Ban, I remember reading about Kristen's grocery budget and despairing. Especially over her brief mentions of wonderful things like "double coupons" - even though she's not that into coupons.
We don't have that in Canada (I'm assuming too), but there ways to save money on groceries to be found here that aren't super-extreme.
I agree with everyone else, though, I don't think you should wring your hands too much over matching the dollar amount - find the amount that works for your family and your budget.
Good luck!
I can't believe I made the Q&A!!!! I do live in Canada and funny enough I am visiting the states right now! I ran into a grocery store to pick up a toothbrush (yup, forgot that)... I wondered a little and could not believe the prices!!!! Everything is substantially cheaper and seriously debated what I could fit in my luggage. I have come to terms that although my groceries will never be $100/week it does not mean I am not shopping frugally.
We too have a hard time doing things in the evening, because our kids go to bed by 7pm. They are all ages 6 or under and don't nap anymore so by dinner time they need baths and their usual routine. So we make a point of inviting people over to our home, which is much less stressful than going some where. We also do lots of entertaining during the day on weekends, have a BBQ lunch and then play and socialize in the afternoons.
My family all went to bed at 9pm and was up by 5:30am (school bus picked up high schoolers at 6:45am!) when I was in high school. Since we were on a typical M-F schedule, it didn't really impact socializing. My parents expected us to be up and ready to attend an 8am service on Sunday mornings, and Saturday mornings were devoted to cleaning and grocery shopping, so no sleeping in!
It wasn't a big deal to us, because it was just the way our family worked. We were still able to watch movies, hang out with friends, etc. I thought it was really weird to go over to my best friend's house where dinner wasn't even started until 7pm or later, to eat around 8pm. We ate every evening at 5:30.
Early bedtimes can make some things a bit more difficult, but in my experience, friends and family will understand and adapt as necessary. My family also did a lot of entertaining in their own home on the weekends, like lunches, barbeques, and Sunday dinners.
Yes, the cost of food can/does vary incredibly from one area of the country to another. Milk where I live is about $4.50 per 4 litre jug, eggs run about $3.29 a dozen. Useful coupons here in Canada are few and far between--about the only time I use them is for the "perk" of being able to buy a name brand instead of a generic brand for the same price, but, really, otherwise most of them are useless. Where you live and the cost of transportation can make a difference as well. We don't have a car so taking the bus out to the lower cost supermarkets then taking a cab home for $20.00 kills any savings one would make. You really have to sit down and work it out for yourself.
Canada does have higher prices for groceries I don't understand it but it just does. We've found that by going directly to the farmer (CSA or going to farmer's markets and starting a relationship there) that we end-up with great produce and meat at a much reduced price. Maybe this will help?
As far as being torn I've made a pact with myself that as soon as dinner is in the oven at night I sit down on the floor and actually play with my wee one. She gets my completly, undivided attention for a good hour. I know she is loved and a happy wee girl but I felt like I was always partly away from her until I started this. Her Daddy does her bath with her then (she is crazy for water and will stay in there forever) each night and has similar time with her and we go to her swimming lesson as a family.
It's funny... I am at peace with all of my budget except my grocery line! I can't stand paying $950/month for groceries, personal care and household items, yet, I have tried and tried to get that number down with no success. Yes, I'm in Canada so prices might be higher. Yes, I meal plan and shop around my meal plans. I shop sales. I buy as much fresh food as possible and minimize pre-packaged foods. We eat meat almost daily but it is a very small portion of the meal (2 chicken breasts for 5 people). I limit juice, milk and pop (though we do buy it). I cook most of our meals from scratch. I grow my own veggies in the short summer season. I batch cook and freeze what I can. We eat leftovers. We buy no name brand as much as possible. I'm not sure what else I can do and it really really bothers me when I hear other families (especially those in my area) who manage on half our budget! I don't know whether to believe them or think they just haven't been paying attention...
Anyway, I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with, but still...
BTW, I didn't mean to imply that I don't believe anyone HERE who says their grocery budget is significantly lower than mine - I mean the people in my area who admit that they don't meal plan and don't shop with a grocery list and don't eat out AND still manage to spend less than $500/month for a family of 4 or 5... some even feeding fulltime daycare children 20 days a month!
That is kind of odd. I thought I was spending 400-500 running a home daycare but when I started tracking to do the taxes more thoroughly realized it was more like $850 a few years ago.
Do you know anything about what they eat? It's a perverse truth that junk food can be a lot cheaper than good food. What size families do they have? Are you sure their accounting is complete ... for example do they include eating out? If you eat out every night, your grocery bill is going to be a lot smaller. Do their food bills include non-food items, do they forget the mid-week quick trips?
I am not a morning person...so when my husband gets up at an early hour I am not about to get up with him. Nor will I go to bed early to adjust to his schedule. I guess instead of the hour in the morning before the kids get up, I use the late evening as my alone time. I am so glad that he has a good paying job that he likes, but I am not content with his crazy all over work schedule that we must all work around. I just don't know how you do it;)
if you'll forgive an off-topic comment, just ran across an article on TreeHugger that you might find interesting:
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2011/03/discarding-food-waste-waste-water.php?campaign=weekly_nl
keep up the great work, FG!
@Ben:
Comparing budgets in different areas is usually invalid. There are so many variables: what is the local cost of living, taxes, and real estate costs? Is the area workforce unionized or not? Are there a lot of stores in hot competition? Then there are individual differences: how big a family and what ages (think about a toddler compared to a teenager) and what activity levels (chess or rugby?). Can that family shop at many stores or just one? By public transportation or car? Have room to buy ahead or have to buy when the food is needed?
And now you're throwing in an international border! US dollars /= Canadian dollars (although they're at about parity these days). Tax rates are wildly different. Different regulatory systems, different import tariffs and barriers, different distribution and marketing models.
So, in short, I think you're making a mistake comparing your dollars spent to Kristen's. Think instead of the techniques and strategies. I'm sure Kristen's readership would be happy to share some if you ask. For example, are you able to ahead or stock up when a staple is cheap?
Good luck!
I think you are wrong. If you know the incremental difference between key staple products... let's say 20 for example (if the number of items compared increase so does the accuracy) you can easily calculate the average percentage more/less you can anticipate paying in your area compared to Kristen's budget. Kristen's budget would be used as the benchmark of 'ideal frugalness' and you could tell where you stand on the frugal scale. Industries do this all the time... just because you are a manufacturing plant in another area does not mean they don't compare salaries, number of employees, and profitability. You just have to understand how to eliminate the variables distinguishing apples from oranges.
I don't have have children, but I really like being in bed early, even in the summer when it's still light out. My day starts at 5am, and even on weekends I don't "sleep in" that much. My husband is a total night owl and will stay up until 1 or 2am even on weeknights. He only needs 5 hours of sleep to feel alert but I need 7 or 8!
As for groceries - I also live in Canada, but i'm close enough to the border that we head to the US every couple of weeks for groceries and gas. The biggest price difference I've noticed is in the dairy products. Butter, milk and cheese is unbelievably cheaper in the US. Not to mention there is more variety than what I can find in Canada.
I liked your response here. i am from Canada and yes, staples like milk and bread are expensive! I don't try to compare apples to oranges (if you'll forgive the pun!) but I have learned a lot from blogs like yours about simple things like menu planning. Having a plan keeps me from take out because I have the stuff and I have an idea what is for dinner. Another principle that saves me money is from Heavenly Homemakers blog and she says, "Dirty dishes cause debt" Simple but profound, so I am working on it. Also when I see milk on sale, I buy two jugs!
Thank you for answering my question 🙂