Meet a Reader | Amanda, a Virginian historian
Amanda is a long-time reader and a familiar presence in the comments here, and I'm delighted she chose to participate!
I always send readers the ten usual questions, along with some extras they can choose to answer if they like, and Amanda decided to answer a lot of the extra questions. So, we get the chance to know her really well today. 🙂
1. Tell us a little about yourself
I am a historian who studies race and banking in American history.
My husband (a graphic designer who runs his own studio) and I celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary this May.
We have four kids between the ages of four and twelve, and we split our time between Richmond, Virginia and the rural community where we grew up.
I love books, old houses, personal finance, and travel.
2. How long have you been reading The Frugal Girl?
I started reading The Frugal Girl around 2011 when our oldest was a toddler and I was thinking about maybe leaving my first career in central banking. I think I found the blog when I was learning to bake.
I ended up reading through all the way to the beginning because I found Kristen’s writing so engaging. And I wanted to have four kids, so I was fascinated to get my first peek into the life of a big family.
3. How did you get interested in saving money?
I am a saver by nature and nurture. I can’t remember a time when frugality didn’t come natural to me.
But I was also raised in a family of savers. My parents grew up watching their own parents make poor financial decisions, and they were determined to raise us in a more financially stable environment.
4. What's the "why" behind your money-saving efforts?
I realize now looking back that my parents—especially my dad—passed along to me a certain level of their own financial trauma. They were (and are) frugal because they had an intimate knowledge of what poverty felt like.
Even now when they are comfortably retired, they can’t shake the feeling that the wolf could be back at the door at any minute.
When my husband and I started our careers, I was frugal because I was scared to be without, just like I learned from my parents. I quickly realized that we both had good career paths. We would probably be okay. It was empowering to realize that frugality was not just a tool to provide for our basic needs, but could help us craft the life we wanted.
My husband and I have always generally been on the same page about money and values, but when we had kids and our careers took off, we started more regularly talking about what we wanted to accomplish in our lives. Our financial goals roll up to those big life goals.
Our goals have shifted a bit over the last decade or so, but having that clear vision of where we want to go and who we want to be has continued to guide our frugality.
5. What's your best frugal win?
Hmmmm, this is such a good question. Okay, I’ve got two because what’s better than one, best frugal win but two best frugal wins?!
I love to travel, but I realized that my frugal heart would not be able to take big, expensive trips with four kids (and really doesn’t everything seem big and expensive with four kids).
So, we started traveling via home exchange when our oldest was a baby. That’s where you swap homes with another family. It means that not only are our accommodations free when we travel, but we usually also have access to a washer/dryer and kitchen.
We end up making most meals at “home” while we explore new places.
Home exchanging is such a blessing!
We have been able to travel to beaches in Florida, North Carolina, and Virginia. We’ve been to Utah, Bali, Iceland, Rhode Island, and the Pacific Northwest.
And we’re hoping to go to California this summer.
Traveling by home exchange has saved us so much money and given us wonderful local experiences we would never normally have enjoyed.
But I have probably saved even more money through my old friend, the System. I am the queen of figuring out a system to keep things running smoothly in the house, and in other areas of life, to prevent having to spend money to solve problems. Having a system of menu planning, grocery shopping, and food prep is an example.
In our house, six people need to eat three times a day, every day. If I had to stop and figure out what we were going to eat and who was going to prepare it every few hours we would end up eating a lot of take-out pizza.
Instead, my husband and I have systems in place so that food is on the table when it is supposed to be.
I’ve also got financial systems to make sure the bills are paid on time, clothing systems to make sure everyone has clothes that fit in the right season without spending an arm and a leg, and maintenance systems to make sure little problems in the houses and cars don’t turn into expensive repairs.
6. What's an embarrassing money mistake you've made?
I’m not sure if these qualify as mistakes, but I have done a bunch of frugal stuff that was embarrassing.
I was determined to drive my first car until it had half a million miles if only to buck the stereotype of the up-and-comer who graduates from college, gets a job, and immediately buys a nice car.
I once had a new boss ask me for a ride back to the office when we were out at an event. She walked up to my car and said she would just walk to the office! I was humiliated.
In hindsight, I think it shows worse on her than it does on me, but I still felt about an inch tall.
And really by that point, we could have more than afforded a car that at least had working AC. (I still drove the thing until a transmission repair would have cost more than the car was worth.)
7. What's one thing you splurge on?
Houses, for sure.
I will wear second-hand clothes, forgo restaurants, and drive cars until the wheels fall off, if only I can live in and love on old houses. We bought our one-hundred-year-old row house about fifteen years ago after it had been flipped and we have been slowly restoring one room at a time back to its former glory as we have the cash.
Then just last year we “acquired” my dear departed great aunt’s farmhouse back home.
I put “acquired” in quotes because it wasn’t as simple as a deed transfer. The house was slated for demo by my cousins when no one in their family wanted to restore it. The county wouldn’t let me carve the house property out of the farm, so my cousin sold me a piece of land on the edge of the farm and gave me the house.
We had it moved to the new land in December, and we are now beginning the long work of restoration.
Even though this house was technically free, moving and restoring an old house is a very unfrugal thing to do. And also worth every penny to me.
8. What's one thing you aren't remotely tempted to splurge on?
A giant, brand-new suburban house. If the floors don’t creak, I don’t want it.
9. If $1000 was dropped into your lap today, what would you do with it?
I would probably put it into our “spending savings” account.
We are very intentional about our long-term investing, but we drop all extra cash into this account that we use for vacations, work on the houses, and big bills that come up (like medical bills or large-than-anticipated tax bills), etc.
I could turn $1000 into all the second-hand appliances I need for my new old house or a least a couple of the plane tickets for our home exchange this summer.
10. What's the easiest/hardest part of being frugal?
For me, the easiest part of being frugal is that it means I get to lean into my natural inclinations.
I get joy out of not spending money. I love to get library books, eat cheap, homemade meals, and travel on a dime. I love old things, so being frugal means I get to enjoy good-quality stuff that looks a little worn.
The hardest part is when frugality means saying no to folks I love and to experiences I want.
No, I can’t take that expensive trip with you. No, we aren’t going to get takeout with you. No, we can’t get a babysitter that night to go to that fun thing.
11. What frugal tips have you tried and abandoned?
As our careers have evolved and we’ve had four children, I’ve had to stop doing things that didn’t give me a high return on my time. For example, we still make most of our bread from scratch because it involves tossing a bunch of ingredients in the bread machine and waiting, and our children eat so. much. bread.
While I do still bake bread, I no longer buy most of the kids’ clothes at Goodwill because I just don’t have time to sort through racks in the precious daytime.
Instead, I shop when I have a minute at Thredup. I pay higher prices, but it is worth it in time saved. And it is still cheaper than brand new.
I stopped attempting to garden. I can’t honestly say I stopped gardening because I’m not sure my attempts ever actually qualified as gardening.
As much as I dearly love restoring old houses, I could not care less about learning any of the skilled trades that might save me a ton of money in this restoration work. I used to think I might like to try my hand at something like carpentry, but I’m over forty now, so I’ve given up hoping I would pick these things up.
I would much rather save up the cash from doing the work that I love and pay someone else to do carpentry, plumbing, and painting.
12. What single action or decision has saved you the most money in your life?
From the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I have been dedicated to living below our means.
That decision has forced us to do things like figure out how to travel cheaply if we want to travel at all. It has also made us be very honest and intentional about how we spend money on the kids.
We could spend a fortune on kids’ clothes and private school and afterschool activities.
But making the decision to keep our spending below our income means we are constantly asking ourselves the question, "Do we want to make this purchase because:
- the kids will truly benefit in a meaningful way
- we are trying to make up for something we wished we had in childhood
- we think we are supposed to buy/do this thing to make us “good parents”
14. What is something you wish more people knew?
I wish, wish, wish more people knew the power of investing even small amounts consistently in index funds over time.
My husband and I started investing for retirement when we got married. Even when kids and career changes have made our income tighter at times, we’ve always managed to put at least a little bit away.
Twenty years in we have built up enough of a nest egg that, even if we don’t add a dime more, we will be able to retire with all that we need.
15. How has reading the Frugal Girl changed you?
I learned how to bake from reading The Frugal Girl.
Kristen’s recipes and tips are so practical and clearly communicated in a way that someone like me, who doesn’t actually like to bake, can understand it.
(Note from Kristen: here's a collection of yeast recipes for you to peruse!)
The Frugal Girl’s focus on being frugal, not cheap, has had a huge influence on me.
I have been known to veer into cheap territory, but I usually regret it when I do. Thank you, Kristen, for helping me understand the difference! I bought those gold bread pans early in my baking journey, and they have paid for themselves many times over.
Finally, I appreciate Frugal Girl’s witness.
I have been a Christian since I dedicated my life to Christ as a child. I have deeply lamented the surge in Christian nationalism among my fellow believers in the last few years.
(As a scholar who studies race in American history I can tell you that tying Christian symbolism and ideology to racism and xenophobia has been around too long.)
But I have not wavered in my faith. That is in part because I am surrounded by enough Christians in real life and online whose witness reminds me that God is still God even when humans twist and appropriate his scripture.
16. Which is your favorite type of post at the Frugal Girl and why?
I really love it when Kristen describes how she intellectually works through issues of finance and frugality.
I’m thinking, for example, of the recent post “What Did You Buy that You Didn’t Absolutely Need.” It is a wonderful discussion about the nuances of frugality and spending. It made me think deeply about how I approach my own spending decisions.
17. Did you ever receive any financial education in school or from your parents?
My parents were founts of financial wisdom!
They were very open about their finances with us as kids, and I remember hearing them talk through their own financial decisions. When I was born my parents lived in a trailer, which they upgraded to a double-wide when my brother was born.
All of my friends had nicer homes, but I remember my parents talking about how living in a cheaper house meant they could pay off their mortgage when so many of their peers were living deeply in debt. I hear lots of experts talk about teaching children about money through allowances.
I never had an allowance. I think watching my parents make financial decisions and describing the why behind those decisions made a much bigger impression on me than giving me an allowance each week.
We did have a kind of financial education class in high school.
Our chemistry teacher was assigned to teach a course called Global Economics, which she, for some reason, turned into a makeshift personal finance course. Long story short, she wasn’t any better at teaching us personal finance than she was at teaching us chemistry.
But I do remember that the capstone assignment was to chart out our plans for college and beyond. The simple assignment of forcing me to think through which college majors lead to what jobs and what I wanted to do for work one day was powerful for me.
18. Do you have any tips for frugal travel or vacations?
Oh boy. We’ve been known to go on vacation for what we would have spent if we stayed home.
I mentioned home exchange. I would add to that discussion that if you want to home exchange you have to be flexible about when and where you travel.
When we were contacted by a couple who had a house in Southeast Utah, my husband said “what’s in Utah?” I said, “I think it looks like the movie Cars. Let’s go!” We had the time of our lives seeing some of the most beautiful scenery in the country, learning about the Indigenous communities in the area, and floating down a desert river (sometimes in a boat and sometimes just wearing a life vest).
Just like at home, you have to plan meals and schedule your time, especially if you are traveling with kids. Maybe your plan is to get takeout and eat it in a park, but have a plan (that has some flexibility in it) all the same.
When I am feeling super frugal, and we will have a kitchen, I plan meals before we even leave. Then I can bring expensive but easy-to-transport things like spices and oils with us and avoid buying small sizes of these things at the grocery store when we arrive.
One of my favorite pieces of frugal travel advice comes from Rick Steves: assume you will be back. Then when you travel you don’t put pressure on yourself to do all the tourist stops in one trip. It makes space not only for saving money, but also for experiencing “real” life like a local.
For example, when we went to Iceland the first time, we didn’t do Blue Lagoon. Instead, we went to one of the local municipal pools. It was an amazing experience: we hung out with locals, the kids got to play on water slides, and it was only a few bucks to get in.
Lo and behold, a couple of years later we were back in Iceland for a wedding. This time we did make time and money to go to the Blue Lagoon-like facility in the west of Iceland, complete with blue, milky water and sulfur smell. I wouldn’t change a thing about either trip.
Finally, do your research ahead of time.
Is public transportation easy to access in this location?
How do locals save money?
What seems like more tourist trap than travel experience?
There's nothing wrong with a little tourist trap fun, but know what you want to experience before you accidently shell out $100 for something you don’t. Knowing the history of a region might even send you to some off-the-beaten-track neighborhoods and experiences.
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Amanda, it made me smile to see your bread pans and cooling rack; it was like looking at a scene from my own kitchen!
Also, I loved to see your house being moved via truck because my South Dakotan aunt and uncle actually did that with their big old Victorian house.
And I love the photo of you in front of your Civic. It almost looks like a vintage car ad, and of course, you know how I feel about Civics. One day I will have one, hopefully.
But I will shoot for a model a little newer than yours! 😉
Hi Amanda, thank you so much for a glimpse into your life and the lovely pictures of you and your family. You all seem quite happy and content and enjoying life.
I am a 100 percent with you with what you write about figuring out various systems for different aspects of daily life. It is my experience also that this makes daily life much easier.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself, Amanda! As a fellow “drive it until the wheels fall off” car owner and “If it doesn’t creak, I don’t want it” homeowner, I love your outlook.
I have to say that your former boss was exceptionally rude when she asked for, then turned down, a ride. I’m glad you realized in retrospect that that said more about her than you, but that doesn’t change how you felt in that moment. HUGS
@N, I sort of gasped at that rudeness, too. Politeness is an under-rated value.
@N, Yeah, that one didn't speak well of her.
I really want to hear more about these systems for getting food on the table, Amanda!! (As a mom of a 1 and 3 year old).
@Katie, Me too!
@Brooke, Katie and Amanda, Ditto!
Food costs are rising and I know I could do better.
@Katie, me too!
Another ditto vote here! We need Amanda back for a guest series on her systems, especially the food planning one.
A woman after my own heart - and a Christian on top of it - How Cool is that - HI from Wisconsin.
Amanda,
Thank you for sharing your story. I love your house swap vacations. Perfect with kids since you have a whole home, with a kitchen. Also, the price can't be beat.
I love the values you are teaching your kids, making things last a long time and modeling the eschewing of crazy modern housing trends. Your kids will have a great foundation as they enter their adult lives.
Hi Amanda, thanks for the interesting read! I also had a civic that I drove almost to death. I bought it right after h.s. and drove it all over North America. I only sold it after nearly a decade because my husband and I reached a point where we didn’t need two cars, and by that point his had far fewer miles on it. It still has a piece of my heart. <3. I loved hearing your travel tips, too!
@Sarah,
My husband has never had a Honda that he has given up before it had more than 200,000 on it. As expensive as cars are, we might as well use them up.
Amanda, it was so nice to get to know you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts about Christian nationalism. I have been horrified in the face of what we've seen and heard through last few years, but thank you for the reminder that some of these thoughts are not new and that we've been through them earlier in our country's history.
@Brooke, Agree! I struggle with defining myself as a Christian nowadays and have resorted to saying follower of Christ when pressed! The problem is people, love to lump you into the nationalist community and leave no room for nuance and individual opinions. It’s tiring to have to constantly define your faith, I prefer to just live it! Anyway, I too appreciate the historical perspective.
I too would love to hear more about Amanda’s systems.
A woman after my own heart in so many ways. Thanks for being so open about your life and faith. Having just returned from a trip where the biggest hassle was accommodations, I think I will look into home sharing.
Thanks for sharing!
I am curious about the Home Swap system. Have you ever been really disappointed/unhappy with the home you borrowed? I am a person who doesn't even do airBNB so home swapping seems like a leap of faith.
I want to hear more too about home swapping. Are you going through a company like TrustedHouseSitters?
I guess TrustedHouseSitters is more travel by taking care of someone's pet but I would love to know if there are companies that you would recommend checking out!
@Sarah K, I am interested also. My biggest hurle is worrying about what could happen to my home and my things, with a stranger staying there.
Hi Amanda, it's nice to meet you. I hope more folks are inspired by your example and actively teach their kids about finance. Although my parents were careful with their money and invested wisely, they didn't teach us directly. We sort of absorbed some of their knowledge, but I still made foolish choices and ended up in debt. I'm not blaming them at all, I made those choices on my own, however it would have been helpful to have had some guidance early on in my life as not everyone is a natural saver.
thanks for posting. you are very wise and very interesting. would love to learn more details of your meal planning. I hate to cook and plan meals. all the best to you and your lovely family.
Amanda, this was such a lovely and inspiring interview.
Although I do not own one, I also love old house. (Not much in Florida is old.) I follow Cheap Old Houses on Instagram and dream of the day that I find the perfect old house in which to spend our summers. I think it’s wonderful that you are preserving a part of your family’s history.
I am fascinated by your use of home exchange to travel. I am interested in finding out more. Is there a website that is dedicated to this? Have you ever had a negative experience? How do you store your personal belongings when you share your home?
Thank you for spending the time to share a part of your life with us.
@Bee,
When my husband worked in Jax he lived in an upstairs apartment built into an owner-occupied, circa 1904, painted lady type house in the old downtown on Amelia Island. Granted, 1904 is not an old, old house, but it was charmingly old, and we all loved his apartment. A clawfoot tub, two fireplaces, original ripply glass windows, gorgeous woodwork and best of all, a covered balcony up in the magnolia trees with room for several rocking chairs. We used to walk the neighborhoods and admire all the fabulous paint colors and elaborate woodwork on the houses in the historic district. It's one of my favorite places, and to this day, my dream wish would be to own (and have the money for upkeep) a house there.
@JD,
I love, love, love Amelia Island and Fernandina. There are actually many old, beautiful home there. It must have been fun to live in this neat little town.
I think this is one of my favorite Meet the Reader installments ever! So much to digest and think about. Thank you, Amanda, for sharing your thoughts with us.
@Karen A., I agree.
@Karen A., I agree. I really enjoyed all of the bonus content! So interesting!
@Karen A., Agree, very interesting!
@Karen A.,
Here here!!
@Karen A., yes lots to think about here. Thanks Amanda.
@Karen A., Seconded. Long, informative, useful, interesting. I'm always interested to learn the backgrounds and stories of my fellow FG'rs.
I would love to hear more about your systems (esp for meal planning). We are only a family of four and Ive been making it work but always curious to learn from others how to do better!
Great interview!
Amanda, I very much enjoyed your post! Can you elaborate on "the System"? I want to become a queen of the System too!
One of my favorite Meet a Reader contributions. Thanks for this.
How do you enroll/sign up for a home exchange?
Also, that bit about Christian Nationalism...YES! I agree with you. Thank you for bravely writing those words.
@Denise, Yes, well put, I’m afraid I went on a bit of a rant, I should have stuck to your succinct response! Ok, I’ve over commented! Insert my lips are sealed emoji!
I feel indignant about your car, Amanda! I drove my minivan from new until it died after 200K miles after 15 years. I couldn't believe some of the comments I heard, though. My sister told me to trade it in for Cash for Clunkers in 2009! I said, "Why would I do that? My car never needs fixing and drives great." And I had it for another five years after that. A coworker called my van a "hoopty." People are so shallow sometimes.
I'm with you--I buy a good car (I stick to Toyotas) and keep it forever. Because my own hundred year old house always needs something too. Actually I'm redecorating it this spring, 24 years after buying it and having fun with it.
Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to get a glimpse into your life.
@Rose, I was approached to do a shop at a high end auto dealership. I did not get it because I had to tell them the make and model of the vehicle I would be driving to the dealership. The shop was in April and by then we will have dug my 2008 bright yellow pickup out of the snow and turned on the insurance so I can have it for hauling compost and garden supplies. I cannot drive our van with my leg brace so I am always thrilled to be back in my truck. I was told that the dealership would not take me for a serious buyer in such an "ancient, low-value" vehicle. I ended up writing the corporate headquarters a long email about how little they know about Alaska, where there are plenty of gold miners who look like hobos but die leaving huge estates. Stylish clothing is not really a big thing here, outside of maybe Anchorage, certainly not in the northern most parts of the state. Warmth trumps style every time. My truck is still going strong after 250,000 miles with no major work having been done on it. A BMW would not last if it were put through the paces my truck has been, driving back and forth to New York City multiple times on the Alcan Highway.
@Rose, I am still driving my Camry which is 20 years old this year! I tell everyone that I am going to be buried in it! It runs like a top.
@Vivian, I love Camrys--that's what my current car is. The minivan was a Sienna and I loved that car. Remove the seats and you could fit anything in it, and it was great to have for our travel hockey weekends, of which there were many.
My town is a little bit like Alaska, in that beach bum surfing next to you could well be a billionaire. (You may have heard about the $3.75 million trailer in our trailer park...)
@Rose, Vivian, Lindsey and Amanda - I love my soon to be 13 year old Honda CRV with 4 wheel drive. It has 65K miles on it and hubby thinks I will share it with him next year when he retires. Hmmm, maybe.
@Lindsey, is your 2008 a Toyota? My husband drives a 1986 Toyota pickup with 350,000 miles.
How interesting that you just turn off the insurance for the winter. . . makes good frugal sense.
@Rose, I am reminded of a story about my father. Ne drove a 1976 Honda Civic CVCC - the last model sold in the US with a manual choke - that was so low-end that in his hot climate it didn't have AC. AM only radio, too. An elegant friend of his told him once:
"My friend, you are not successful enough to drive such a cruddy car."
@WilliamB, the funny thing about financial success is that truthfully others simply do not know what you have in the bank. In the past, my brother-in-law made little remarks about our financial status. He, and his wife, assumed that we didn't buy certain things because we couldn't. When the truth was, we just didn't see the value.
@Anne, All true. However, I grew up in a city where success was defined by prominence and influence rather than income or wealth. In this case, the friend meant my father's importance in his professional community, aka his status, rather than his earnings.
This man was and is a good family friend and while what he said was true, it was also a funny joke.
@Rose, My 2001 Acura EL was sold a couple of years ago and I purchased a new Honda HRV. No regrets there. We decided to sell my vehicle as is because there were issues with the brakes and I was told at least one caliber needed to be replaced. I sold it on Kijiji (Canadian equivalent of Craig’s List) for $1500. The impoverished student who bought it from me said that the cost of repairs was less than $700 and the car was safety checked according to Ontario requirements. He was delighted to have a reliable car at this price and is still driving it as he lives in our neighborhood and I see him. Even in our harsh winter conditions, if you take care of the car, the car will take care of you. My husband religiously rust checked the car himself and there wasn’t a speck of rust on it.
Hi Amanda, thanks for sharing the super interesting details of your life. You have a lovely family who benefit greatly from your gentle application of thinking things through to increase the fun in a frugal life. Travel is one of the best forms of education. I might have cheered at your understanding of the importance of kindness vs. meanness among Christians.
This was fascinating and full of ways to live a practical yet very expansive life. Please, can we find a way to hear more about your System, especially for meals.
A richly detailed and interesting Meet a Reader! Kudos to Amanda and her family, from another old-house fan, bread machine fan, and member of the Honda 100K or Bust club. (My 2010 Element is only at 71.4K, so I think it should make it to 100K easily.)
I'm particularly impressed by the home exchange vacations and the house-moving saga. My DH and I once had a house torn down (the burned-out crazy cat lady house next door), but we certainly never had one relocated!
So many things to comment about; great post!
1. I can't agree more about the importance of parents talking through their financial decisions so that children can hear. I think this concept applies to more than financial decisions. Certainly there are things which aren't meant for children's ears, but learning how to think wisely about money (and most other decisions) is important.
2. Systems- Yes. I don't have amazing systems, but when I work in the ones I do have consistently, life is easier. One of the biggest changes in my housekeeping life (taking care of 7 children and often more than one in diapers) was when my husband bought several plastic hampers. We taught the children how to sort clothes into them (whites, darks, colors, towels, and special things.) That made washing so much easier. Also, there was a clear place for all dirty clothes (and that was never on the floor). Routine is good for kids.
3. Re: doing normal what local people do for vacations: When we went on our "big trip out West" a few years ago, we found that we had an entire afternoon of downtime in a small town. We ended up heading to the local library, and we had a blast. There was a summer reading club program that we all enjoyed.
4. I think, regarding the Christian nationalism, race, etc., we all need to be on the same page with definitions. I have lately seen many people using terms which are divisive and accusatory (i. e. fascism), but many of the people are operating with different definitions. It makes productive discussion so difficult. This comment may seem a little out in left field, but it's been weighing on me lately. (I was reminded of it because I realized I don't have a clear idea about what Christian nationalism means; I think this is one of those terms that means different things to different people.)
@Jody S., I actually stopped when I saw the term, Christian Nationalism. I agree that this is another term that can be divisive. I do wish that our society would quit labeling everyone and everything. If we could all just be people again with differing points of view and have these views respected, maybe we could find a way to love one another.
@Bee, agreed!
@Bee, I agree with you so much. I have had to apologize to my children that they have to grow up in a time like this. But I do think that in order to have any meaningful discussion and to solve any kind of problem (not even political or divisive ones), it helps to have an understanding about the meaning of terms. "What do you mean by x?" "I don't think I understand y. Can you explain what you mean by that?" It wouldn't be that hard, right?
I agree with this! A humble, kind, curious approach is almost always going to be more effective.
@Jody S., I agree with trying to understand views, but some views cannot be respected or left unchallenged. I know that my beliefs on this are colored by what my parents and grandparents endured in the old Soviet Union and then in nazi Germany, but I believe strongly that if you act like some dangerous views are acceptable, then you are complicit in the destruction of civilized society.
I believe with all my heart what German pastor and theologian Martin Niemoller said. "First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me."
@Lindsey, this is one of the best things I've read today, "I believe strongly that if you act like some dangerous views are acceptable, then you are complicit in the destruction of civilized society." And I love that quote about not speaking out.
@Lindsey, I wasn't implying that we should respect all views or leave any unchallenged. I was referring more to trying to solve problems. But I have heard many people call others fascists or compare some to Nazis without any real knowledge about the ideologies. If we start calling people "fascist" because they don't agree with us, then we are not really using the term correctly. If we say "Christian Nationalist" because somebody is a conservative Christian, then I don't think that is quite right either.
I am especially concerned because I only recently heard the term "Christian Nationalist," and while I still don't have a great handle on what that means to everybody, I gather most people think it's negative. BUT I've also heard some people lump all conservative Christians into that group-- especially if they homeschool, like classical education, and have a big garden. Yikes! (That's me! And I don't even know what a Christian Nationalist is!)
@Jody S., Check out Kristen's link below buuuuuut I don't think it exactly encapsulates nationalism* in a historic context.
Me, I like classical education, but I'm a New York liberal. I go to a New York liberal church (Episcopalian) and I don't think a bunch of ignorant yahoos get to "own" the word Christian. They've been mostly Trumpists (talk about deluded--Trump doesn't care a fig about religion) and now they're gathering behind DeSantis.
*Loyalty or devotion to a nation-state that is more important to the adherent than other factors.
Sorry, yeah, I went there, I'm the person who always goes there.
@Rose, That's kind of what I mean, Rose. Nationalism originally meant one thing, and it arose as a response to something else. But when we take words and use them in new ways (without clearly defining them--- and the article Kristen posted shows that the term isn't clearly defined) and then hate people we label with the new word, everything gets confusing.
@Jody S.,
I find that often intelligent debate is now stopped by name calling and insults. I believe that labeling of groups is often used as a weapon to
villainize those who live, look and think differently. This behavior is perpetuated in social media, biased traditional media and by ignorance.
@Rose, do you realized how many labels you have just placed on yourself and others?
@Bee, I agree. My first year of teaching, I used a word that denotes one thing in speaking to my students. I didn't realize it also connoted a racial slur. Oof. I was simply ignorant of many labels. My second year of teaching, I was helping some students with their health homework; they were to match racial slurs to the corresponding ethnic groups. I couldn't help with it because I hadn't heard them before! I would rather be ignorant and not use labels.
I would rather talk about behaviors I take issue with than call names.
@Rose,
I don’t think Kristens blog is the place to “go there”.
Hi Amanda, I enjoyed getting a peep into your life. I really appreciated reading your thoughts on Christian nationalism and the way some humans twist and appropriate God's scripture. The rise of Christian nationalism in our society and the way it is being used politically are very alarming to me.
Lovely post, we too love to travel and have consider a house exchange for trips overseas! When kids were younger we offered our couch, extra bed and backyard to traveler’s in order to experience other cultures.
It is important to have your spiritual beliefs guide your politics. I could not imagine the Devine prompting suffering, oppression, racism or cruelty as spiritual principles. Why should I?
I really enjoyed your answers and experiences and wanted to ask about the index funds. Our ds is 25, has graduated and is in his first real job making enough to live more than comfortably and is on track for 2 promotions, probably in the next 12 months. He is frugalish by nature - he won't hesitate to spend $10 on takeout for dinner, but he'll wait for something to go on sale and look for coupons or coupon codes before he buys it.
He has a decent amount of income he could invest so I'm wondering if you can recommend a specific fund or where he could research to find one that fits his needs. He is a saver, and after watching us go through hard financial times, industry going off shore, stroke, disability, etc... I know he wants to plan early and mitigate as much as he can while he can. Thanks for any insight you can offer.
@Jennifer, Not Amanda, but I invest in two Fidelity index funds with very low fees:
FSKAX (total market index fund): expense ratio of 0.015%
FTIHX (total international index fund): expense ratio of 0.06%
Most brokerages have something similar. These provide a low-risk, low-cost investment.
Now that I'm rereading, I think your son, at his age, should invest in more aggressive growth funds as well. Index funds are great for people approaching retirement like me, but your son is a baby and should be able to get higher yields than people my age are comfortable with. Basically, talk to an investment advisor preferably with a flat fee.
@Rose, Another vote here for FTIHX through Fidelity.
@Jennifer, jumping in to say that if he gets and follows advice from a fiduciary, fee-only financial planner, he will have many thousands of more dollars than he might otherwise. Read up and find one at http://www.napfa.org!
I’m not a financial planner and didn’t even know much about it, but luckily, received a referral and some education, which made the most amazing difference!
@Jennifer, Also not Amanda but, like she, have a finance background.
1. Don't let perfect be the enemy of progress. Yes, at his age he can be aggressive but it's better to start than wait to find the perfect investment. He's not limited to only one type of investment. He can start with something easy now, pick something more nuanced later.
2. I assume he knows that he should start with the following in this order, before he invests a lot?
- $1000 (estimate) Emergency Fund
- 401(k) to the extent that his employer matches it
- Life Happens Fund
3. I don't have good advice about pre-tax (Roth) or post-tax (standard) IRAs. The differences are obvious - do you think you'll pay more tax now or later? - but the application varies.
4. In the long run, low fees usually have a bigger impact than high returns. One of the advantages of an index fund is that they usually have low fees. Note: mutual funds are legally allowed to charge investors a fee that covers their advertising costs. This is called a 12b-1 fee. Tell them you won't pay it. It's .25-.75% and that can really add up over time.
5. Fidelity and Vanguard have earned their reputations as solid, boring, reliable, low cost providers. Charles Schwab is considered similar if he wants to actively manage his investments.
6. It's best to average out the buying-in costs (as market prices vary) by contributing an amount every period - say, every month or every pay period.
7. If he ever works for the Federal government, I strongly suggest he consider rolling over all his 401(k)s to their equivalent, called TSP. Simple set of options, easy to understand, lowest fees in the industry.
8. If he uses an investment advisor, use one that charges him a fee. The ones that don't charge you are instead paid by the funds they recommend, which inevitably (given that we're all human and fallible) colors the recommendations. If he uses one from his credit card company or bank, ask how the advisor is paid. If it's a salary by the cc company or bank, then that advice is probably less biased as well.
9. Michelle Singletary, who writes the column The Color of Money, is a great personal finance columnist.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/michelle-singletary/
That's probably enough - if not more than enough - for now.
@WilliamB, this is very useful info. Thank you for taking the time to write and post it!
@Jennifer, my mom wisely took me aside when I was 26 and had my first real job making regular money. She reminded me it was only money for 10 months of the year, so I needed to save 1/6 of my income each month to cover the other two months. AND I needed to save at least 10% of my income for retirement (remember, I was 26!!) and to save both of those first. I went from feeling flush to feeling frugal. That 10% invested over decades has meant I am retired and will have a decent income on top of the government CPP and OAS (Canadian here). I made lots of mistakes during the decades with where I invested, and I have to say that I am a cautious investor - but regular monthly contributions taken out before I use the money for other things has been key. Consistency, finding an advisor (and today, I would suggest getting two, contribute the same to each fund and tell them both that you are comparing to another - watch and see where you are in 2 years and in 5. This is biggest regret, not having two competing advisors), and considering that money LOCKED AWAY and unavailable have been vital.
ON TOP of those two funds, I also had an emergency fund to which I added until I had 3 months of complete monthly expenses, PLUS a fun/holiday/whatever fund.
By the time I had filled all those 'virtual envelopes' I had money to live on without so much I ever felt tempted by flashy clothes or cars or jewels... and my life has been marvellously rich.
Good post, Amanda!
I'm intrigued by the home exchange idea. I'll have to research that; I'd heard of it, but never knew of anyone who did it.
Moving the house caught my eye, too. My dad bought an old, small barn that a defunct feed & seed company in town had used, which was slated to be destroyed. He had it moved to our back yard and it became his workshop. Even with moving it, he saved money over building a new barn, and it was a lot of fun to watch the move. Our former house is replaced with a new house, but the old barn is still there in the back yard. The new owners painted it white, which still looks odd to me. Barns, if painted, are supposed to be red!
Thanks for answering so many questions. I like that you and your husband are on the same page with frugality. That is worth a ton of money, right there.
I feel an affinity for most Meet a Reader stories, but oh do I feel so kindred spirit to you! I so rarely comment. Just wanted to say you seem like someone I would love to be friends with IRL.
Could you share more about Home Sharing? Where does one start on that journey?
Loooved this post.
Can you recommend any reputable home swapping sites??
We are now restoring a 120 year old house. By cash. On our own time and dime. Slow going but rewarding.
Enjoy the process.
Traveling with children is always a challenge -- different ages mean different activities, breakfast/lunch/dinner have to happen no matter where you are, sometimes someone gets sick -- your suggestions are great. You don't have to see everything, you can go back someday! I have always found Atlas Obscura to have interesting ideas for things to do. Thanks for sharing your story, and for making frugality a secondary win while having a very full life.
I honestly didn't get what your snobby boss objected to concerning your car. It looked perfectly fine to me. Unless it was filled with rotting garbage, I can't figure out her reluctance.
@Anne, maybe it was too hot. No A/C means a car is hotter inside than just being out in the elements. (Just thinking there might be more to the story that we won't know without meeting her former boss.)
Such an interesting post! I just want to commend you on having your systems figured out - that's impressive and sounds like it would be so comforting. I'm still working on mine, forever seeking the feeling of being on top of things. But I'll take Kristen's advice and seek improvement over perfection. Thanks for the boost/reminder that it's possible.
We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year too and I also have a 12 year old and started reading the FG blog in 2011. I had a roommate with that same civic in college - I used to help her parallel park it on the hilly streets because it was a manual transmission. I haven't seen one in a while so it was nice to see. It's nice to hear people who are in similar situations but also so different. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing about your life, Amanda. I, too, am very curious to learn more about your Systems. Please elaborate when you have a chance. I also believe in driving a car until the wheels fall off. I had a Chrysler Sebring that I drove for 250,000 miles. It started to need lots of little repairs, so I got rid of it at that point. I still miss that car, though. It was the best! Your boss was so rude. What a terrible thing to say to someone.
Amanda, your old house is terrific! I hope you do a Meet-A-Reader follow up so we can see the progress.
And about visiting California, if you are thinking about Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks, pay close attention to their updates. They are both closed with no known reopen dates yet. Yosemite reopened a few days ago, but there are no overnight stays. However, California is an enormous state with many more things to see and do. . . the beaches, oh my goodness, the beaches. . . happy sigh.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. And many thanks to Kristen for allowing me to share my story!
I wanted to provide a bit more detail on home exchange and Systems. 🙂
We use homeexchange.com. You pay a fee (about $125/year), and trade all you want. We haven't had what I would consider a bad experience. But we have had times where communication broke down and the exchange never got confirmed. And we've had times where the home wasn't a great fit; usually when we stay in someone's rental it's fine but just not as much fun as someone's real home where you can see the books they read and borrow their toys and make new friends. For me the hardest part of home exchange is also the most rewarding--the reaching out and asking someone if you may stay in their home. It requires a little bit of vulnerability. Unlike booking a hotel (or even an airbnb these days), home exchange is really about connecting with another human--with all the joys and challenges that come along.
In terms of Systems, for me, this is really about how much I can reduce the daily mental load and keep our spending from going crazy. I meal plan a lot like Frugal Girl--once a week I look at what's in the pantry and freezer and come up with a list of meals. We have a list of about 10 weeknight meals that we rotate. I wish we had more variety, but it works for us at this phase in life. From that I generate a grocery list. Then dinner is paint-by-number in the evenings.
Kids' clothes is kind of similar. I know generally what pieces each kid will need each season (two church outfits, five school outfits, a winter coat etc.) and roughly what their size will be. When I have a minute (or need a break from something else) I scour Goodwill and Thredup with an eye to what they will need in the next season and what is available and maybe even on sale. Anything that they aren't currently wearing goes in a bin that I pull out when it is time to change out clothes with the season or with their growth. With this system, the kids tend to have the clothes they need when they need them, and I have fewer late night, last minute trips to Target or furious Amazon ordering because they are out of something.
Some things in life are worth your precious energy and focus (teaching your children, loving your community, following your passion--which could be meal planning or dressing your kids so you don't want or need the systems I use; no judgement here). But some things just need to get done on time without breaking the bank.
Oh, also, I have been investing with Vanguard for over twenty years. They literally invented index investing, and the Vanguard 500 Index (VFIAX) is the gold standard. I saw someone else mentioned Fidelity--they are good too.
@Amanda, Thanks so much for the extra info about your systems. You make it sound so easy. Have a great day. Your post made my day special.
I have been reading this blog for years but never commented before but I had to say something about home exchanges. We also do home exchanges and have found it to be an amazing way to see new places like a local. My husband's uncle was into home exchanges long before the internet and we were always intrigued. In 2020 when it was hard to travel and we just wanted to get away we finally looked into it. I agree with Amanda about being flexible and open to new experiences. Our first exchange was in August 2020 in Joshua Tree. It seemed crazy to go to the desert in the middle of summer but we had an amazing time. I think we have done about 8 exchanges since then Some have been short and close by and others have been international. All have been amazing because of the connection with the people you trade with. My 24 year old daughter works remotely and has been traveling in a similar was by pet sitting. She travelled several months in Europe last fall using pet sitting jobs as her lodging while working remotely. Several of our exchanges have allowed us to use their bicycles and particularly in Amsterdam that was amazing for us. We are thinking of retiring soon and are looking forward to lots of travel this way since our only extra expenses are transportation and some activities.
Hi Amanda!
I was hoping for a few more "after" pictures of your home. I love well-loved older houses and I like to imagine their past lives. 🙂
I used to follow a blog (which no longer exists) in which the blogger used home exchanges for family vacations. It was intriguing but I'm not sure I'd ever convince my husband to do it. I'm glad you listed it as an option--I don't think I've ever read about it in any FG posts. Thanks for your interview today!
I would love to follow an Instagram account documenting Amanda's house rehab. 🙂
@Kris, What Kristen said - Yes please!!!
@Mimi-in-the-Mountains, but I'm not on Instagram ..... maybe just a few photos on Kristen's blog for those of us who don't do Insta???
This was so fun! Very informative, loved all the practice advice and information you shared!
Thanks for sharing, Amanda! Enjoyed "getting to know you". As others have said, would be fun to hear more about your systems and the house swapping process! 🙂
This could be a helpful read if you want to know more about what Christian nationalism means to people: https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2022/10/27/views-of-the-u-s-as-a-christian-nation-and-opinions-about-christian-nationalism/
I tend to think of it as the entanglement between the identities of "Christian" and "American", as if one means the other. But Christianity, as I understand it, is supposed to transcend "race, tribe, and nation" as the Bible says. Christians aren't just one country or one political party, and by the same token, America isn't just Christian either...it's a melting pot.
I definitely agree that throwing around terms like "fascism" is unhelpful, largely because I don't think that word accurately describes anything that's currently going on. But Christian nationalism as a term doesn't bother me as much because it doesn't hit me as inflammatory. To me, it lands more like a descriptive label than an insult.
For instance, if you said, "This group says America should be a theocracy.", that's just descriptive language.
In contrast, when sides on the abortion debate use terms like, "baby-killer" and "anti-choice" to describe each other, I think that's massively unhelpful. I don't think anyone is convinced to change their mind on a topic when someone else uses a term that is inflammatory or insulting.
@Kristen, Thank you for adding this link and definition. It captures exactly what I meant by my use of the term Christian nationalism.
@Kristen, Thank you for the link. I'll check it out.
@Kristen, I guess I'm not alone in not really understanding the term. It seems like the respondents to the survey had a wide range of ideas!
@Kristen, I’m late to the conversation, but I found this article in my email this morning, and wanted to share as it shows another perspective on American Christianity and the conversation around Christian nationalism. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/26/opinion/christianity-global-demographics.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage§ion=Opinion
Hi Amanda. Thank you for sharing some insight into your frugal lifestyle. You got me curious about this home exchange business! I am left wanting to know how easy it is to pull this off with kids, getting your house ready, what to do with toys/clutter, etc...
I am super interested in this now too! One day when I own a home again, I will definitely consider doing this.
@CindySW, excellent question! This is something I have struggled with, especially when the kids were babies because not only do you have no time, but also the clutter in your house is constantly changing. For exactly this reason we can't do last minute exchanges. Instead we set them at least a couple months in advance and make a plan to prepare the house as if we had family coming to stay. It turns into a real motivator to get things done!
But also, your house doesn't have to be perfect. One of our Portland exchanges was a house that the family was working on updating and renovating themselves. We did not care even a little bit about trim that was unfinished and the room that was likely a "doom room" that we didn't go in. We were thrilled to have a trampoline and a view of Mt. Hood.
Hi Amanda, I really enjoyed your post! I especially like the questions you ask yourself when deciding on purchases for your kids. I wish I had that when my kids were younger!
Also it was interesting to learn about house swapping. Thanks for sharing about your frugal life. 🙂
Amanda, thank you so much for sharing about Christian nationalism and racism and xenophobia. I have lost so much respect for Christians because of this. I want to know there are Christians who actually live like Jesus taught and that they are not afraid to says so.
Thank you for sharing your life. I have to say that I had never heard of historians who study race and banking. You must be such an interesting dinner companion! (When I learn about things that exist that I was totally ignorant of, such as your occupation, I ask myself, "What else don't I know!?"
@Lindsey, Historians study everything! (College history major here...)
@Rose, for example:
https://www.powells.com/book/no-idle-hands-the-social-history-of-american-knitting-9780345362537
Ah, so great to meet another System follower :). I don't know what I'd do without it. It's been lovely getting to know you, Amanda.
You had me at "I love books, old houses, personal finance, and travel."
So nice to meet you Amanda! We are kindred spirits as both my parents experienced poverty as children and that resulted in fear of financial insecurity. One parent was incredibly frugal. The other had such a scarcity mindset everything needed to be purchased NOW because there may not be enough to do so later.
Complicated family dynamics to say the least.
I'm thinking of doing a home exchange myself. Now that I'm an empty nester it seems like the perfect way to see the world!
This was such an enjoyable post to read! You have a lovely life. Tfs!
Kristen, could you have a post about Amanda’s systems and a post about investing in index funds! This is my first post, but I have read your blog since around 2015. I love it! Also, I am so very sorry about what you have been going through for over a year. I was divorced in 2004. My husband had been unfaithful to me so many times, but I just kept trying to hold my marriage together because I didn’t want to get a divorce. He would also emotionally abuse me by telling me I was crazy in the head. My son was also 12 when I filed for divorce. It took many years to get divorced. We had been married 15 years. Without my Lord and Savior, I would never gotten through it. My parents divorced after 15 years because my Dad who was in his early thirties was seeing a coworker who was seventeen. I was 12 at the time. It was devastating! I didn’t want my child to go through what I had gone through. My pastor asked me if I had thought about the fact of how I was teaching my son to treat the girls and women in his life. This opened my eyes! Now I have a great marriage, and my son has a good relation with my husband. They built a house next door to our house on our property. We have two grandsons who love their Papa Scott. I am also blessed with a sweet daughter-in-law. Thank you for listening to my rambling first post Sorry I went on for so long. I loved reading about Amanda’s life. Her pictures were great!
Wow! What an enjoyable Meet the Reader interview. Thanks, Amanda! It felt like having a wonderful conversation. I loved so many parts that I can't even just name a few. But one of your comments made me chuckle: "If the floors don't creak, I don't want it." Ha! We are in the midst of ripping up carpet in the hallway and one bedroom to restore the hardwood floor underneath and there is a creak in the hallway that we just cannot get rid of. It's driving my husband a little crazy.
I enjoyed reading about your upbringing and family, your thoughts on finances, your faith, your systems, and how you travel! So much fun. Thank you for sharing with us! I look forward to keeping an eye out for your comments in the future now that I can picture the face and story to go with the name!
@Ruth T, I use my son's old bedroom for exercising and the part of the floor where I really need to be most of the time is the part with the biggest creak.
I try not to take it personally as if the house is complaining about my weight (HAHAHA).
Actually, I realized right away when I first started to use the room that this could be a problem for me, and so I deliberately have changed my mindset: I notice if I am heading toward annoyance, acknowledge the thought, and let it go.
Surprisingly, this practice around the middle-of-the-floor creak has made it possible for me to apply the same thought process elsewhere when I am annoyed about something that I can do nothing about....
AH, finally, a serene moment inside my head, all from learning to deal with a floor that made noises when I stepped on it!
I choose not to call myself a Christian any more because of all of the negative connotations. I now call myself a person of faith and I actually like it because it embraces so much instead of being divisive.
Our first car after we got married was a little red Civic (a few years older than yours!) Never mind AC, ours didn’t even have a radio…
I love what you said about Christian witness. I don’t comment very often, but this is the one blog I still follow after all these years, mainly because of the kindness that’s so lacking elsewhere. It reminds me of the Benedictine motto, “Let all be received as Christ”.