Long Intro:
On Monday, I wrote a Five Frugal Things post that mentioned CoolSculpting. And I wrote a few words about body image, and about how much money we could save if we did not believe the industry’s message which says, “Your body is wrong, and we can help you fix it.”
Apparently I should maybe have just written about post about that, because most of the lively discussion in the comments was about the body image thing and not about the other four frugal things I shared.
(Butternut squash rolls, I’m sorry that you got overlooked!)
ANYWAY.
The discussion made me think about marketing and contentment, and here we are.
Today’s actual post:
I’ve written a lot of posts about contentment on this blog over the years.
A lot.
Contentment is something I don’t see addressed all that often in the personal finance blogosphere, and I really scratch my head when I think about this.
To me, contentment is a foundational part of living a frugal lifestyle.
The reason I think it’s foundational?
The job of a marketer is to help you see where your life is lacking so that they can then sell you something to fix that lack.
And if something is not lacking, a good marketer will make up a lack and create a need for a product where before there was none.
If you feel like your life isn’t lacking, it’s gonna be very hard to sell you something.
(Why pay money if your life is fine already?)
But if you think:
- your looks aren’t good enough
- your body isn’t good enough
- your house isn’t good enough
- your clothes aren’t good enough
- your car isn’t good enough
- your food isn’t good enough
- your vacations aren’t good enough
then you are SO easy to sell to.
And this is particularly true if they can make you believe that lots of other people DO have good enough x, y, or z, and that all it takes is a product or service to help you reach the same level as these other people.
Contentment might seem like a rather intangible, unimportant side item, but if that were true, then why would marketers spend so much money trying to make you feel inferior, less than, and inadequate?
As long as they can make you feel discontent, then you are ripe for the picking.
How can you become more content?
Feel free to browse the contentment archives for more on this, but here are three things that help me.
1. Focus on what you do have.
Marketing makes us look at what others have or what a company can sell us; the antidote is developing eyesight to see what you already have.
Gratefulness lists are the main tool that helps me with this, so if you haven’t tried this habit, give it a go!
It might be a little hard at first, but new research says that gratefulness actually changes your brain. Thinking thankful thoughts makes it easier for your brain to keep thinking thankful thoughts!
2. Make a point of not looking at what you don’t have.
- Unsubscribe from emails.
- Unfollow people on Instagram/Facebook.
(Lots of what you see on there is fake anyway. And even if something is real, it’s not worth following if it makes you just feel less-than. Don’t be a hero and try to fight it; just unfollow!)
- Install a web blocker to keep you off of sites that tempt you to be discontent.
- Be careful about how much “inspo” you let into your life.
Fit inspo (people with perfect bodies, which are often edited), home decor inspo, homeschooling inspo, hair inspo, makeup inspo…a lot of these things are not bad in and of themselves.
But if all this inspo is making you feel like a failure or is making you discontent, then it’s not helping you.
Weed it out.
(And if this means you need to unfollow me, go for it. I don’t want you to follow anyone that’s not helping you!)
3. Make sure you have real-ness in your life.
Media and marketing produce a smooth, polished picture of what your life should be like.
And they’d like you to believe that the rest of the world has a life that is smooth and polished because of the products/services they’ve bought.
You have help counteract this by trying to make sure you have some realness in your life.
If you are good friends with someone in real life (vs on the internet), you will probably see that their life isn’t perfect (and they’ll see yours isn’t either! You can give each other a reality check.)
And online, you can choose to expose yourself to people who are vulnerable and real rather than fake.
What’s one thing that helps you fight discontentment?
Unnamed says
I started reading your blog when I was a poor grad student 10 years ago, and now, I’m lucky to have a great job that makes me a part of the 1% (I can’t believe it somedays, how lucky I have been). I grew up solidly middle-class in a poor country, and those values remain. I rarely spend on frivolous things, and am very content with what I have. So I tend to live a spartan life myself, and don’t make comparisons with what the neighbours have/don’t have.
The kids however don’t understand this at all. They have hundreds of dollars worth of toys, but their friends have 10x more toys, bigger toys, “cooler” brands, … At the same time, denying them all their crazy requests leads them to believe that they don’t *deserve* the good things that their friends have. (My 4 year old was upset this year because Santa got him less cool presents than his friends, and he wanted to know if he has not been a good enough boy)
Any advice on teaching kids how to be content?
Michelle H says
Once we cut cable and Netflix and Prime became our main source of TV entertainment, with no more commercials it was amazing how the kids stopped asking for things. And without access to HGTV my house looked better to me, lol.
During the years we lived on a lot less than we made to save toward early retirement sometimes it was hard for me to be content with our small house, used cars and simple vacations. Once we both took early retirement none of that bothers me anymore. Even now that we could loosen the purse strings we still choose to live simply and always look for the best deal/most economical option in everything we do. I joke that Frugality is my hobby!
We travel most of the summer with our 3 kids, roadtripping the U.S. in a 15 year old SUV, pulling a 10 year old travel trailer. We stay in national and state parks, cook our own meals, hike, visit historic sites, etc, and spend less now on an 8 week vacation than we spent taking the family on a single 7 day cruise to celebrate my mother’s 60th birthday a few years ago. And we have more fun!
Diane says
Kristen, you nailed it on this. The comments are humbling and inspiring.
Jim says
The irony of reading a blog post entitled, “Marketers Do Not Want You to be Content”, while being bombarded by adds in the margins, down below, and in between paragraphs is pretty funny. I got about 10% of the way into the post and my eyes were darting back and forth between the blog post and “suggested for you” at Nike.com. Having sponsors is probably a nice passive income stream for you. However the prodigious number of adds juxtaposed with an appeal towards contentment causes the entire post to come off as absurd. (Think Monty Python sketch absurd.)
Kristen says
I understand, and as I explained to another reader further down in the comments, it’s something I’m not sure how to get around.
What would you suggest to cover blog costs instead? I enumerated some of the options in my response to another reader.
WilliamB says
There are many websites of before-and-afters of Photoshopped celebrities, people you’d think were thin enough, shaped “properly”, or attractive enough. And yet they can’t pass muster either. Here’s one website that shows several examples and an eye-opening video. Then ends with a pitch for a weight-loss plan!
https://modernhealthmonk.com/celebrity-airbrush-photos-before-after-lies/
Here’s a blog post about how camera angles matter. There’s no Photoshopping in these pix: https://www.boredpanda.com/health-blogger-instagram-real-life-difference-saggysara/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook
Emberry says
Stuff like this is why I’ve been reading you for years
Katie Nicholson says
Hi Kristen,
I fight distentment by avoiding social media when I feel discontent, gratefulness thinking and going outside. I think walking or running outside even in the winter puts me in a way better mood than I would be if I didn’t do it. I almost feel like it is free medicine.
Elizabeth says
My sister was just 34 years old when she lost her long battle with cancer. The cancer was on her spine and she had numerous surgeries to remove the tumour and every surgery she knew she could become a quadriplegic or paraplegic. The last surgery she had did put her in a wheelchair. I was with her when she woke up from the last surgery to find she couldn’t move from the waist down anymore. She lived her last year from a wheelchair and fought for her life to the very last moment
because she had two little boys aged 6 and 9. Something she told my mother has always stuck with me. She said that her friend had called her after supper and was complaining about being tired and having to do the dishes. My sister said how she would be so happy to be able to do dishes because she couldn’t even reach her sink anymore. I remind myself often how blessed I am to be healthy and able bodied and have spent 28 years being a mother and done a ton of dishes because I’ve never had a dishwasher and never care if I ever have one!
Nancy Sadewater says
Great article and very true.
Brigitte says
I so agree with you. We live in such a want society not need society. Advertising making you feel like you must have everything right now so you can lead a happy life pressure to purchase things that you can I’ll afford then more pressure to pay it off. Most of these things find their way to dump sites as they are not built to last and don’t perform as you were led to believe. My husband and I have developed a purchase plan that we generally stick to especially buying major things. 1. Do we need it. 2. Can we afford to buy it and how much will it cost to maintain run etc. 3. shop around and compare prices and models research. 4. Make sure it is covered by our home and contents insurance. 5. Ask loads of questions of the salesperson if unsure of its performance also warranty etc. I know it is a pain but in the end it saves a lot of pain and trauma when something goes pear shaped.
I also totally agree with decluttering. It’s amazing how we become magpies and hoard so much. Just think there are lots of people out there that can use your unwanted items.
Happy days take time to smile and bring joy.
Cheers Brigitte
Carrie Willard says
My 100 things gratitude list and a daily gratitude practice!
And #2 – yes, yes, yes. Unfollow anything that makes you feel bad.
Irena says
Advertising is definitely a factor in influencing purchasing, but we have seen how one’s peers, especially for kids, also have a huge influence.
Kids who have never seen TV or other media with ads for various items (most notably athletic shoes, phones, etc) can still pester parents for expensive items. Why? Because the kids they go to school with, hang out with and know from church, the neighborhood, have products they see and then want.
It works the same with adults. I’ve worked with people who didn’t watch tv, read magazines or newspapers and barely go online. But, oh, boy, the cars they wanted, the homes, the furniture, the kitchen appliances. How did they even know about them? Simple: Their family, friends and neighbors. Co-workers.
We are exposed to other people’s stuff all the time unless we are total hermits. So it isn’t all about advertising. Supermarkets are designed to entice purchases and that doesn’t always include advertising (flyers, online and print) but through placement, tastings, etc.
It’s almost impossible to NOT see things you might want (not need) if you work out of your home, interact with others in different situations.
Just think about friends of all ages, incomes, etc who decide to go out to dinner. Someone, inevitably, will know all the latest places, etc, and recommend with no regard to budgets.
And how tough is it to stick to a budget when friends want to go the latest restaurant, see the newest play, movie or concert? Unless you are surrounded by people with similar approaches to spending responsibly and carefully (so you have money for what you really need and want, the basics as it were) and on similar budgets, you’re going to find yourself not able to socialize other than at your home and even that can be expensive if you’ve got friends and neighbors who expect a certain level of entertainment refreshments.
Everyone I know, including myself, who spend cautiously have seen certain relationships suffer as a result. And to expect every friend to adapt to us, well, that’s unrealistic and also unfair. People can care a great deal about you and still want to eat out at places you really can’t afford.
Even those who work with you to redefine how you will socialize tend to change the nature of interactions, and change frequency, etc.. That does not mean they are all being uncaring.
It’s even problematic in a lot of families where there is either economic inequity or different values assigned to purchasing/consumerism.
You did a great job addressing this issue in this column.
It’s especially important to look beyond our own lives because there is always someone else living with huge challenges and still happier than we may be. Stuff can be fun, etc. but we really don’t need most if not all of what we see out there today.
Lindsey says
Something I did as a gift to my husband has ended up being the main thing that keeps me from coveting more, more, more, and being thankful for what I have. My husband is older than I am, but given a birth defect that has impacted my entire life, he knew when he married me that in all likelihood I will die before he does. After one doctor said I had about five years left, given the statistical average, we believed it. That was over 20 years ago (Ha!). Right after that I started a journal just for him, where I periodically wrote things I loved about him or things we laughed at that day…just ordinary stuff, really. The idea was that after I was gone, it would cement for him how much I had loved him and was sorry that I would not be around to experience more joy with him. He does not know it exists but when I am feeling depressed or ugly from my illness, I reread some of the entries and it makes me very appreciative for the life I have had and the ways that he has made my life worth living. The weird thing is that when I was young, I was convinced that getting my graduate degrees and a really great job in an esteemed field would do it; even when I married him, I thought the other things were what I would get the most joy from. I was wrong.
priskill says
This is so moving and inspirational I don’t know what to say but thank you, Lindsey, and I wish you so many more years of “just ordinary stuff.” Keep elbowing those statistics right out of your way.
Irena says
Beautiful. Thoughtful. What a wonderful gift for your husband. May you be able to share years to come with him.
None of us knows when our time here will end so it would be a wonderful thing for everyone to write (or record) words of love for their loved ones.
It is amazing how letters, recordings and personal memories memorialized can help when we must move on without our loved ones.
Thank you for sharing this.
Kristen says
Lindsey, I just love all the stories and life things that you share. Thank you for always showing up here!
And I wish you lived in the contiguous U.S. because it would be so fun to meet you.
kristin @ going country says
Okay, this got me a little misty. You know how you form personas in your head of people online based on what they share here? Well, mine for you, Lindsey, is that cool, funny lady in Alaska who eats and preserves interesting things and always leaves interesting and helpful comments. Nowhere in that image was a medical issue that impacts the way you live. And I think that, right there, says a lot about how you have chosen to deal with the hand you were dealt.
Marketers can’t promote the incredible attitude you have, but I wish they could. It would make the world a better place.
Melanie Bourne says
Oh, my heart, this is one of the most inspiring, lovely posts I’ve ever read ~ what a lovely idea to do for your husband, and so beautifully simple. It not only showed you a dimension of gratefulness, it’s a wonderful gift to someone you love and I wish you many more years of this! You’ve made my day.
When I say my nightly prayers, I include thankfulness for five things that happened that day. They’re usually very simple such as a call from a friend or a great walk outdoors (and some days, REALLY simple, like hitting all the green lights on the way home!), but they show me how truly blessed and fortunate I am in my life.
Amanda says
Lindsey, this was absolutely beautiful and incredibly inspiring. Thank you.
priskill says
So happy you doubled down on this today — your post and all the commenters are spot-on, and everyone’s kindness shows through. It is easy to fall down the rabbit hole and this blog is a constant life line back up.
As for saltines, leave us not forget the ones from the Philippines (?) and other tropical places that come in a a very cool and colorful tin. I have no idea what they taste like but the tins are super.
priskill says
Sky Flakes! The tin is fabulous– all red, white and blue, very graphic. Um, not trying to get people to buy anything — I just think they look cool
Heidi Louise says
I learned about three things I didn’t know in this and the previous post: Inspo, Hip-Dip, and the science of Squirrel Repellent. The third is the only one I might need some day, and hopefully won’t.
Thank you for directing this discussion toward contentment. I add to previous thoughtful posters the reminder that choosing one’s companions wisely is crucial. I am most fortunate and well blessed.
Heidi Louise says
Also, the different views of the same bouquet are quite lovely, and illustrate your points well!
Suzan says
Honestly, I spend time examining what is right for me. I prefer simple clothing and hate shopping for the stuff. A skit and tee or a dress do me quite well most of the time. I no longer buy something that makes me feel horrid no matter what others say. I eat the same breakfast probably 51 weeks of the year. I have multiple food allergies and intolerances. So finding now quick meal to start my day is a Godsend. Allergies also mean that I use a limited array of products for me teeth, hair and body.
To some this looks boring but bearing un mind I need to make decisions all day every day I choose to make some choices almost automatic.
Joanna says
This is an interesting discussion, because I highly value contentment in my own life and I also LOVE marketing. I love the type of marketing, commonly referred to to now as content marketing, where you add value to your ideal client by providing free information/freebies that benefit them and help them get to know you and learn to trust your brand (in a sea of brands!). If people who are selling (FYI I’m a photographer, so that’s what I am selling) don’t share the value they can add, no one will know the creative work or innovative product that’s available. A brand is reaching for their ideal clients who have a particular need, and should bring the best quality work they can to the table, and not be ashamed for sharing it
If something is not your need, snooze it, get an ad blocker, you can often say ads are irrelevant to you. I will do the same! I know it can be obnoxious to see all the internet ads, but that is where people are today, and it’s amazing to me that there are so many ways now to reach out directly to people with a product or idea. I’m a glass half full kinda gal.
I have been known to skip trips to target or send my husband with the list I need in order to protect my contentment when I know I am on a tight budget. I have followed this blog for years and love the frugal tips and have particularly enjoyed contentment pieces (thank you Kristen!). So I understand that aspect and practice it! Advertising might be more “in our face” if we’re online now (compared to even 10 years ago) but we have the power to turn those ads off (usually!) choose what we want to learn more about, and protect our own contentment and choices. Also, pop offline
Small tip, but if I’m feeling the need to improve (which hasn’t been said much here, but improvement isn’t a bad idea in lots of cases!) and I don’t have money to put toward home improvement — cleaning makes everything feel new
Still working on that, with four young kids at home!
I didn’t have a chance to weigh in on the body image issues, but I’ve already written a novel! Enjoy your day, and love what you share here Kristen.
Kristen says
I was chatting with Mr. FG about marketing yesterday and saying that I definitely don’t think all marketing is bad. I think it can be done in a way that serves and informs. And it can also be done in a way that preys on people.
I’m sure what you are doing is the former and not the latter!
Joanna says
I’m fangirling a bit because I just saw your reply, lol. I’ve been following for many years.
Yes, I don’t want to be spamming for people. I want to add value and story and that will attract the type of clients I want to work with, ideally
Isa says
The one thing that helps me fight discontentment is not using social media such as Facebook and Instagram. I prefer to live MY life than watch somebody’s else. I also filter which kind of blogs/articles I read, making sure they are positive. And I’ve decided this year that I’m done talking/reading/researching about diet/body weight/body shape. Just DONE! I’ll just focus on healthy habits, give love and care fo my body regardless of it’s shape or size, let my body do it’s things and invest my energy somewhere else like studying new subjects and read more books! I’m almost 40 and it’s about time to shift my focus.
cathy says
Not marketing per se, but I’ve found the whole “hey look at me and how great my life is” culture to be hugely demoralizing. I know lots of people point fingers at Pinterest, but for me, it’s Facebook. I would close my account, but I belong to some great groups including my local Buy Nothing group and some family history groups that are only on FB. I have few “friends” but included some cousins I wanted to stay in touch with. I’ve recently realized that all their posts about their kids’ accomplishments (sports! Academics! Dating!) were making me feel bad because I have kids who struggle in school, don’t play team sports, etc. Plus, people always seem to be going out to eat (not happening here because food allergies) and on vacations, which we seldom do. I was starting to feel bad every time one of their posts came up. Then I discovered you can “snooze” people for 30 days. You can still go to their page and see what they’re up to, but they’re no longer in your feed. Best. Experiment. Ever!!
Kristen says
YES. I use the snooze/mute feature generously on social media. It’s less drastic than unfollowing, but it definitely helps me save time and makes my feed less noisy.
Marina says
I agree 100%! I am disabled, terminally ill, and mostly confined to my couch; it would be ridiculously easy for me to feel discontent, making me a telemarketer’s dream. I won’t insult everyone’s intelligence by saying I’m gloriously happy, but no telemarketer can sell me health, and I have no need for anything else they’re offering. I have sun coming in through the window (most days – thanks, California!), I have my suncatchers sending pretty colors across the room, I make lovely, colorful jewelry and dreamcatchers, my daughter visits, I listen to music and read a lot…negative aspects aside, most days I am much more than just content – I feel blessed!
WilliamB says
Marina, I keep writing something then erasing because it sounds stupid or just plain wrong. OTOH I didn’t want to let your comment go without a response so I guess what I have to say is: I’m listening.
Kristen says
I love your grateful attitude in the midst of your very real difficulties. <3 I don't know that many of us would have eyes to see what you see in your hard situation.
Annie says
I fight discontent with Bing Crosby. One of my favorite movies is White Christmas and during one scene he sings a song with Rosemary Clooney called “Blessings.” It about focusing on your blessings instead of your worries or perceived lack of things. The lines I sing to myself are “When my bankroll is getting small, I think of when I had none at all, and I fall asleep counting my blessings.” It reminds me to be grateful and appreciate what I do have.
Jenny says
I, too, love that movie, and a big part of why is the song “Blessings”!
“When you’re worried, and you can’t sleep, try counting your blessings instead of sheep, and you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings” That’s what I try to do every night, as a form of prayer or ‘conscious contact” with God.
Becky says
I get your frustration with marketing and I get the heart of your post about contentment. That is one of the biggest reasons I haven’t started a blog. I’m curious how you come to terms with ads on your blog in light of today’s post on being content/marketing. In today’s post there are 10 ads sandwiched between your words each trying to persuade me to purchase something, one even says, “everybody wants one”. I sense a mixed message. Please don’t read this negatively, that is not my intent. It’s a struggle I have not been able to overcome when I think of blogging as a way to make extra income for myself. I am pretty new to your blog and enjoy your content and relate to you in many ways. Since this is something I can’t seem to rationalize in my own mind I’d love to hear your input.
Kristen says
First, I really appreciate the gentle way you worded your question. Thank you!
So, I would love, love, love to have my blog be nothing but my words and pictures. I know it would be a better reading experience for everyone, and it would feel more lovely to me too.
The problem is, if bloggers did that, they’d be steadily paying money to keep a blog open. There’s hosting, email services, tech help, plugins, not to mention the hours it takes to run a blog.
Some people address this problem by making their sites subscription-only, or partial subscription, or by selling products/courses that they make, or by having a Patreon account. Either the money to run a blog has to come from ads, or it has to come from readers buying something, whether it’s a product or a subscription.
The ad model is problematic for someone like me, who encourages people to save money. And the “buy my course” or “pay to read my posts” model is also a difficult thing to reconcile when you are encouraging people to save money, particularly when a lot of my audience is made up of people who are struggling financially. Can I ask them to pay before they read my money-saving help? I’m worried that will end up keeping helpful information from people who need it.
Anyway. That’s a long-winded way of saying that I understand your concern, I share it, and I’m not sure what the ideal solution is!
Becky says
Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective. You’ve given me some things to process as I wrestle with whether blogging is the right outlet for me.
Jenny says
I would much rather have clear-cut (annoying) advertisements than what some bloggers do, which is waste my reading time trying to make a weird fake story that is really just an ad. I tend to unsubscribe from them. There was one about cleaning products that appalled me, using her kids in a ridiculous way. It was for the same products that you mention, Kristen, but your approach is honest, open, and clear. And I’ve never been pleased with online “courses”. It only took me twice to figure that out.
I like the way you do it.
Kristen says
I feel annoyed by that too…to me it’s better to have a clear designation between what is an advertisement and what is not. Which is why on the rare occasions that I do a sponsored post, I announce it up at the top. Better to know what you are getting rather than to wonder, every time you read a post, if it’s going to turn into a sponsored post.
Gretchen Weaver says
I have ad blocker on my computer which cost me nothing. I see no pop up ads on blogs. I love it! Check it out.
Jody S. says
Yes, I was surprised when I read the comment above because I love that I don’t see ads here. And I love that Kristen doesn’t have “6 things you must have this season” kinds of posts. I don’t mind honest recommendations because I recommend things to my friends when I like them; it’s what friends do.
Carla says
I’ll be honest: I have an ad blocker set up on my laptop. But the problem with blocking ads, particularly for blogs and other creators you enjoy, is that they won’t get any revenue. And as Kristen pointed out: no revenue, no blog. So I don’t use the ad blocker on my phone, and I whitelist certain sites on my laptop so I can support the content I enjoy.
Jody S. says
I’m so tech-dumb that I didn’t even realize this; I’m sorry Kristen.
Kristen says
It’s ok. <3 Most people don't use ad-blockers, so I'm not really that worried about it. I'd rather have you read with an ad-blocker than not read!
Kristina says
Related to this and Monday’s post. I went to my regular gym class yesterday. The instructor is also a full-time nurse. Her class is really intense, and you could really focus on the results you want in your body looks. Instead, this instructor’s complete focus is on raising everyone to be their best self in strength and stamina, and how we can now help our bodies to help us in the future as we age. Her words were, you should be grateful that you can step through these doors to the class and come and do any of these exercises, as she sees a lot of people everyday who struggle and are limited in movement and health. It really struck me how foolish it is to feel inadequate about some minor issues in looks, when other people would just be happy to be able to move as effortlessly as I was.
Mandy Lambert says
I love how you brought up Pinterest. I used to think that Pinterest was “the good kind” of social media because it was inspiring but I, too realized there could be too much inspiration. My house will never look like the houses on there. My vacation pictures will never be as cool. Holidays and parties won’t have $300 worth of decor. And that’s okay because this is MY real life and that is worth more than any ideal.
I realized the same thing with marketing about things that are “good for you”. Yes it would be great to eat all organic fresh foods, workout with cool gear, and use a fancy goal setting planner but does any of that really make a huge impact in my well-being? In my experience no. There are classes, books, food, therapy, gyms, etc. that are all worth the investment but not everything that promises to make you happier and healthier is worth the money.
Patsey Manning says
When I decided to buy a new “thing”, like my new smaller coffee maker for one…I then donated the older larger one by putting it in the Community Room of the Senior complex where I live. A neighbor then donated it to her Church. If I buy new clothes, I try to donate an older but still good one…trying to not increase physical “stuff” whenever I can. Makes me feel good.
Renae says
Oh, I’m grateful just to be able to roll over, on my own, in bed. To be able to get up and walk around by myself. Once, I thought I wanted a big house and lots of furnishings. However, as I grew older and witnessed my parents’ struggles with cancer and dementia–and how they hung on because they loved me so much–I became thankful and content for life, itself (even though sometimes I have to remind myself how lucky I am)! I have learned how to be more frugal with my food thanks to your blog, Kristen, so I also have you for whom I am thankful.
Judi Hughes says
I recently visited a major national dental chain to have a broken tooth repaired. After the initial stays and during exam, we discussed my previous orthodontic work, completed 45 years ago, which had left two small spaces on with side of my front teeth. The dentist introduced the topic of Invisalign, and I had to firmly inform him that I ONLY needed my broken tooth replaced. Had he decided to push the issue further, I would have left. I don’t care if the Invisalign procedure is ONLY $99/month, that it can GREATLY ENHANCE my smile, and that it is WILDLY POPULAR with MANY people. At 60 years old, my teeth are fine the way they are, as long as they function in such a way that I can happily eat!
Carol says
Hi Judi,
I had a similar experience when I went to a new dentist last year. Within 2 minutes of looking in my mouth he tried to sell me Invisalign. Never went back. Tried a different dentist this year and her attitude is, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I hate being up sold.
Carol
Jenny says
My friends who are dentists say they cannot stay in business anymore with their private practices due to these big corporate chains. They either have the choice to join one, quit or retire, or struggle ethically and financially. Same thing is happening in the legal and medical communities. Ir’s the Walmart/Amazoneffect and possibly will be our downfall.
JD says
Thank you for this post! I’m right with you. I have a marketing major in the family, and some of the tricks of the trade that he can tell us about, goodness. So much psychology, it’s amazing to hear how well this works, even on people who think it is not working on them. Just walking into a grocery store means one is exposed to it, so we can’t avoid it all.
Although my husband says the Late July brand is really good.
But — we can learn to be content, and I think you’ve outlined some of the best ways to do so, starting with being grateful as THE number 1. I used to struggle with being discontented but being deliberately grateful and walking away from advertising finally changed that.
This blog helps me be happy with what I have, because the emphasis is not on “how to get more stuff for less money” but just how to live – cheerfully! – with what you have. And when you do really have to get something, how to be frugal about that.
I’m not joining on the saltine debate — I don’t like saltines.
Kimberly says
All I need to do is look at the pictures of our sponsor children and remember why we sponsor them is enough to push the material mumbo jumbo out the door.
Alison Y says
Kimberly,
I do something similar. I have a picture on my bathroom mirror of a person I have helped, via Kiva, and every time I see it I am reminded of how fortunate I am.
Rachel says
There’s a saying I think about when it comes to this discontentment – When you are discontent/yearning for something different (especially in terms of body image), who is profiting off that emotion?
I thought it was interesting that people were dismissing your feelings in the last post based on how you look, saying that since you look a certain way, you must not understand body dissatisfaction. Which is so funny, since many companies create dissatisfaction for all of us. (Like how cellulite is a normal human secondary sex characteristic in females, but once companies told us it’s bad, and companies Photoshop it out on models, suddenly people hate something that’s a normal part of bodies. Or how razor companies created the ‘need’ for ladies to shave because they wanted to sell more razors!!)
You can choose to be thankful of your physical form even if you don’t have a ‘perfect’ body. Even if you are chronically sick, or have chronic pain. It takes a lot of work, and eliminating a lot of media, but it can be done!
Nancy says
We were dirt poor growing up but I never knew it. My Mom never said “We can’t afford it.” but rather “Let’s see what we can do.” I learned at an early age to be satisfied – joyfully satisfied. It has served me well. Parents I urge you to make that an important life lesson. As an adult I regularly write down things I am thankful for and great memories that I have.
Amanda says
Wow…I plan to use your mother’s words to my children in the future. What a wonderful way to respond instead of “We can’t afford it” This was a wake up call for me. Thank you for sharing!
Elizabeth says
Your Mom is brilliant and obviously you are too! Great advice!☺️
Battra92 says
AMEN! This is something I’ve thought about but could never really put into words before.
I think for me what I realized was that at some point acquiring more stuff and more money and the like wasn’t making me happier. The jump from $0-$100 is infinitely more impactful than if someone were to give me $100 now.
I’ve also accepted my mortality and have realized that there are far more important things out there than myself; most notably of course God. Coming to grips with the fact that everything in the end is just vanity is a huge hurdle to overcome but perhaps ironically this is what lead me to be more content with the limited life that I have to live.
But yes, marketing definitely tries to tell you that you have a serious problem and only they can fix it. Disney’s whole existence is sustained by this model that you’ll be happy if you buy into this plastic, artificial world of “magic” and fantasy.
Lori says
Feeling dissatisfied with your life? I find that focusing on others helps.
Go help a family who is struggling. There are a lot of families with a loved one in the hospital who don’t have time to drive kids to activities or cook a meal. Or maybe they need someone to stay with the kids in the evening and help with homework and laundry. There are lots of ways to help. Even if it’s cooking dinner and delivering it every Thursday. (This applies to newly single moms who are struggling to make it on the income from two low-paying jobs.) These families need help and support.
Volunteer with Big Brothers/Sisters.
Sit with an elderly/bedridden person so their child/parent/family member can go get groceries/a haircut/lunch with their spouse.
Housecleaning for a chemo patient. Or mowing grass/shoveling snow for someone who needs a hand.
Volunteer to tutor in a low-income school. Just listening and helping first graders as they read aloud is a help.
Helping others is the best way to forget about our personal dissatisfaction.
Arlene says
Several years ago I spent three weeks in the Philippines, both in Manila and in a little village on the Island of Mindanao. All I have to do to fight discontent is to think about life there and the bright smiles I saw on the faces of people who had next to nothing, not even water safe to drink. Instant thankfulness comes when I remember my sweet friend who was so very thankful that she had a washing machine in her tiny little house in Manila – a great luxury for a librarian with a master’s degree, faithfully serving at a Bible college. She might not always have water to run it, depending on the level in the tank, and the electricity might go off – but she was thankful.
Lacy says
Arlene, I agree visiting other countries is a great way to put things in perspective! There’s millions of people that would absolutely love to have the “problems” people in the USA complain about.
Those of you with the ability to travel should consider an escorted trip to a third world country that will have you engaging with the locals and their way of life. It will provide a far better education and life experience for you and your children than a trip to Disney World ever could!
Some of the happiest people I’ve encountered are the poorest in terms of assets but they are rich with family, friends, and community support.
Ava says
Several yrs ago when he was maybe 9, one grandson requested a particular brand of juice. My daughter asked why that kind and he explained that he heard on the tv that that brand makes kids stronger. His mom and I both began to explain the concepts of marketing and advertising. He was amazed to learn that there are people whose job it is to persuade other people to buy things. I could see the wheels turning in his head.
Cheryl says
Kristen,
), and complete as best I can. There are times I purchase to mix things up, but for the most part reminding myself of how blessed I am.
Love, love, love this! This is so true! I really enjoy reading these posts that tell it like it is. Thankfulness is huge. There are many things we can want changed, and some of these things we can change. Being thankful for what you have has really helped me. I try to remember these 3 things…use what you have…do what you know and love…finish what you start.
Even when rearranging things in my condo, I look around and see what I have that can be moved around. I do this in a way to what I know and love (and also ask my daughters
Bobi says
I have two suggestions, first check out the old (1994) book by Timothy Miller, ‘How to Want What You Have.’ (subtitle: Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary Existence.) It’s an excellent read!
My second suggestion is to volunteer at a food bank, a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen. Even an hour or two a week with less fortunate people can give you a whole new perspective on your own life.
KS says
I work in marketing and write marketing copy–and what I’ve learned through what I do, and workshops I’ve taken, is that you’re not creating a need…but rather tapping into a conscious or unconscious need that someone else already has, validating that the need is truly a need, and providing a solution. That’s what makes someone a target audience for your product–that they already have a need or desire that you have a solution for. So, that’s something to keep in mind when you see advertising…
WilliamB says
That’s interesting. It’s also a bit at odds with the Smithsonian’s article on the history of Listerine as mouthwash. I’d be interested in your take on that.
Kim H says
Perhaps the proposed solution is a “slant” on the need. If the Listerine wants to sell mouthwash, then they target the need/desire we have to be attractive and pleasant (or at least not unattractive or unpleasant) to the people around us. The specific problem of “ordinary mouth breath is unattractive” may be new, but the desire to be attractive is as old as humanity.
WilliamB says
Two urges that are as old as humanity are desire to be attractive, and the desire to have high status (however status is defined in your group).
Kim H’s explanation sound to me as a paraphrase of “marketing is taking advantage of a human desire (attractiveness) to create dissatisfaction because of something new (halitosis) and therefore sell a solution that we didn’t used to need (to be attractive) or want. In this case mouthwash.”
This may be a good time to share that one of my degree focuses was marketing.
Cathy says
That makes sense, but I suspect many of the things we think we need, aren’t true needs. And with 24-hour news, TV, and streaming, we’re exposed to so much more. Just think about home improvement shows (or magazine articles, etc). In my experience, the key thing they promote isn’t what you might want or need to have a comfortable home now. It’s aspirational home improvement based on being able to sell your home at some unspecified time in the future. So you HAVE TO keep up with trends or you won’t be able to sell. Just one example, but how many of us really have that need?
I think, historically, “marketers” may have had a hand in creating the need for something (synthetic fertilizer for your lawn! which was one way to dispose of an over abundance after WWII) but the marketers are sort of the scapegoats.
Jody S. says
I think that you hit the nail on the head with #3. So much of the internet is two-faced. For example, Pinterest is a great place to go if you are planning on doing a certain thing and you want to find ideas. However, if you go to Pinterest and start looking at just whatever, you suddenly realize that everybody’s house/food/clothes/body/children are “perfect” and yours are not. And suddenly, you are in the land of discontent.
Battra92 says
I got rid of Pinterest for this very reason. So much of it was Upper Middle class people with their giant homes, huge pantries and perfect looking kitchens.
Shannon says
Something I hadn’t realized is that when I look at Pinterest, I don’t see the photos of houses and pantries and such as *real* anymore than I see the Ikea catalog as *real*
I just assumed those photos are staged and not what anyone really has set up every day.
Kristen says
I think you are ahead of a lot of the public here! I would venture to guess that when those things are posted by an individual blogger/influencer, a lot of us do automatically assume that the photos are real.
It’s easy to see than an Ikea catalog photo is staged, but when a person posts it, it’s a lot harder!
Battra92 says
A Youtuber I watch got a lot of hate when people discovered most of the vintage computers and such that he shows off on the channel were in a storage locker and that he filmed in said storage locker. His response was essentially, “Uhh, yeah. I can’t store all my work stuff in my house.”
K D says
I not only feel gratitude for what I have but also I avoid marketing as much as possible. We don’t watch TV (other than a bit of streaming from non-commercial sites), I don’t look at the ads in the newspaper, in magazines, nor online. I just tune them out. I don’t open emails from companies unless I have a known need to procure something.
I know you asked for one, but I also find it helpful to read blogs like yours, The Non Consumer Advocate, and Frugalwoods.
Nancy says
Thanks Kristen, as always you have made my morning!
shellie says
I love this blog!!!!!! I would never unfollow you, your blog always makes me smile and I love that you are so real and grateful in your own life
kristin @ going country says
I love this post, and you for writing it.
Honestly, just living where I live (crazy-rural New Mexico) is a help. The average income here is very, very low, but that is not indicative of the quality of life and the pleasantness of the community. The people tend to be very real, very competent, and very able to just deal with their lives as they are. It’s nice.
My biggest challenge is, unfortunately, my family. All of my immediate family is very well-off and live a pretty typical privileged lifestyle. Not all of them understand our choices and, although they never say anything intentional, the occasional comment about my house or our lack of XYZ or how they could never live here is sometimes disheartening. It’s worse if it’s from people you love, you know? I start to wonder if my life really is lacking the way they obviously believe.
But then I remember how I feel when I visit them and realize that actually, I have no desire to live where and how THEY do, so it’s all good.
Battra92 says
I hear you on family but for me it’s sort of a reverse. I’m better off financially than most of my family yet I get criticized constantly because they say I’m depriving myself and my family of certain luxuries (ya know, those all important things like cable TV, Disney+, name brand saltines etc.) It can be disheartening at times but as you said, I don’t want to live their lives so I shouldn’t let their complaints get to me.
Kristen says
I have to say, I must side with your family on the name brand Saltines. Ha.
Other than that, I’m with you!
Donna Cox says
Ok, now I’m starting a Saltine debate.
Our grocery store brand, Food Lion, is better than any store brand I’ve had.
Kristen says
Ooh, well, now I have to give them a try. I think we still have a Food Lion that’s open nearby, so I will buy a box when I’m in the neighborhood!
Karen. says
Crazy-rural New Mexico lets you do some hard-core stuff to be proud of.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and it would be pretty sweet if that awareness worked both ways.
priskill says
“Comparison is the thief of joy” — how beautifully put — I want the Tee shirt!
WilliamB says
Me, too.
Here’s one, and there are many other possibilities at the click of a mouse.
https://www.redbubble.com/shop/comparison+is+the+thief+of+joy+t-shirts
Karen. says
And, one of the myriad things I do to pay the mortgage is design shirts. So if all else fails ….
