Is it ok to keep items just for entertaining?
Hello Frugal Girl,
I was curious for your insight. My family is going through a move to a house in a better area for us. During the process of packing up and assembling our belongings, I was frankly shocked when I realized how much of the stuff we own is for guests, holidays, and entertaining.
This includes things like guest linens, folding chairs, serving platters and dishes (oh so many serving dishes), glassware, large pots, etc. We do occasionally entertain and certainly value making memories by gathering with those we love.
At those times, we certainly do make use of these things, but it is only a few times a year. With this in mind, I couldn't help but think about the amount of money and resources that had gone into making, shipping, buying, and storing these supplies. It seemed like we had things that everyone else had and that seem to be "expected" for big dinners and gatherings.
But, looking at it all together, it just felt like so much stuff. Certainly most of the world cannot live like this and have so many things. It got me wondering how to get by with less? Would we have been smarter to have just met those we love at restaurants and foregone entertaining at home? Or asked guests to stay at hotels instead of investing in beds and linens for guests to use a few times a year?
I love your motto that what is enough stuff for any family is measured by what gets used, but what about things like this that don't get used often, but may get used for memorable holidays and gatherings? What is the right amount, if any? What is too much? (And just since it seems really obvious, we definitely borrow and ask family to bring things like dishes and chairs when it makes sense...and yet, still so much stuff.)
Thank you,
Kasey
Your question seemed like an appropriate one to answer in December, given that it's a month where people typically host guests for meals and overnight.
I do think that the whole, "Will I use this item regularly and enjoy it thoroughly?" thought is a really good way to figure out what's essential and what's clutter, and it's a helpful way to avoid owning too much of any one thing.
But there definitely are exceptions because some occasions don't happen super regularly (like holidays!).
I certainly own several boxes full of items that we only use in December, for example. 😉
From your letter, it sounds like hosting people for dinners and housing them overnight is important to you and your family and it seems like you do this more than once a year. Given that, I don't think you should feel guilty about owning things that make entertaining and hosting possible.
If you didn't have room to store these items, it would be one thing, but since it sounds like you live in homes with space for overnight guests, I'm guessing that you have storage space too.
And since you already own the items, I see no harm in keeping them. If you were writing me asking if you should go out and buy entertaining items, we could chat about ways to minimize what you need to buy, but you've already purchased things you love and use. I say keep 'em!
I definitely do not think sending family members to hotels or meeting up only at restaurants is a better option, especially if that's not what you want. And besides, that costs a lot of money too (probably more than entertaining supplies, if you add up the costs over the years).
You could certainly get rid of items that don't seem to be getting much use when you host, but I'd keep whatever you consistently find useful as you welcome loved ones to your home. And don't feel guiltry about that.
I love that you open your home to people, and I hope you make fun memories with your guests this month!
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Readers, I'm sure Kasey would love to hear your thoughts as well. How do you decide how much to purchase and keep for entertaining/overnight guests?
P.S. The Very Merry Gift Certificate bundle ends today. You can read my thoughts about it here, or click below to get your bundle.
We've been decluttering our house, and I do have to say that it's an amazing feeling! It's even better if you can sell some items to help offset moving costs, too.
I do regret decluttering a few important items like the ones Kasey mentions. Many times these are only used a few times throughout the year, but they're family heirlooms. Don't get rid of something if it's important, even though you have the urge to purge.
I vote that if you haven't used it for an entire year it's okay to get rid of it. If it inconveniences you in any way to get rid of something, keep it! You can be minimalist in other ways, too.
Also to consider is whether there is a ready substitute. I don't use my big roaster that often, but there is really no replacement for it. On the other hand, my mom was going to purchase a new bed to accommodate my very tall brother. A nearby hotel stay would be far less costly for this one time visit!
I don't currently have a big enough place to host large family get togethers, and we don't have space for a guest bed, so right now, I have nothing guest-specific. When we have a larger house (within the next couple of years or so) my approach will be to buy good-quality things that can be used by all. If I'm embarrassed about company using my sheets, then I probably need new sheets. And the same with towels, serving dishes, etc...
I think we all have things that are only used for parties/entertaining, but I think it is actually frugal to have them. First, if I didn't have some big platters/serving bowls/utensils, then I would have to buy disposable items every time I am the host. Second, while it may not be frugal for you to have guest linens and what not, it is definitely more frugual for your guests to stay with you than in a hotel, and when the roles are reversed, you won't feel guilty about staying in your family or friends' homes since you are a willing host yourself.
Keep what you use and get rid of those items you never pull out. I had some platters I received for my wedding almost 20 years ago that were so huge, I never pulled them out. I got rid of those and got a size that fits better in my cabinet and on my serving table. I am much happier having spent money on something I use 2-3 times a year vs. having free gifted items taking up space in perpetuity. Hopefully someone shopping at the thrift store could make good use of my cast off platters!
We had an extra bedroom for guests. We found that it was only used 1-2 times per year. My husband ended up turning it into a "man cave." He enjoys his special room every single day. When we have guests coming into town, he will vacate the room for a couple of days & it will turn back into a guest room. I suggest turning your guest room into a dual use room. I agree with Kristen regarding your extra guest dishes/linens. If you already own them & can store them at home, I would keep them. After 20 years of marriage, I will shortly be turning our "guest dishes" into every day dishes since our every day dishes are cracking. I am sure glad we have some nice dishes we can start using. So glad we didn't give them away!
One other consideration might be...does having those items save you money in the long run or keep you from having to use disposable items?
For instance, I have enough flatware and everyday dishes for about 25 people. We have a big family and we also have a church small group that meets weekly in our home, and this keeps me from having to use disposables. Also, I have space to store it, so it doesn't create clutter. And it would be a hassle to ask our group members to bring their own dishes each week.
But mostly, do you enjoy having people in your home? If so, and if you have space to store things, I think it's perfectly fine to own the items you need to be hospitable. Being frugal doesn't necessarily mean not spending money, but rather spending money strategically to meet your own goals, not the goals of somebody else who might have different values than you do.
What a timely post! We recently moved and in the process purged the majority of our kitchen utensils that hadn't seen daily use. In the last few weeks, I have hosted several get-togethers and have kicked myself because I didn't save a serving platter or cheese cutter. All this to say: if you have it, you use it, and enjoy it: keep it! The short-term trouble of boxing and moving it all (I know it's a pain!) will be worth the long-term enjoyment of using these items to make memories with your friends and family.
Thanksgiving I had 23 people gathered around my table. What was I thinking but it worked because I went to Sam's purchased disposable dinner plates, dessert plates, silverware and cups. I pulled out my 3 crockpots, lined them with crockpot liners, disposable serving pans from Sam's with stenos. I put on a linen tablecloth, put linen napkins in bread baskets and a beautiful centerpiece on the table. Everyone served themselves, grabbed their plates, silverware as they walked to the kitchen to throw them away. Can I just say I cooked everything myself and had the most stress free holiday of my life? I have the serving platters, bowls etc. but honestly this will be how I serve my guest from now on. I have done it the other way. Asked my daughter if she wanted the serving platters, etc. her answer was no because she wanted it to be stress free too. Not going to be standing around washing anymore dishes when I can enjoy the company. I do this dinner once a year, it's frugal for me because I am not stressed out with a headache.
My brother and I were blessed with what he calls "The Entertainment Gene", which cracks me up, because it feels so true. My dining room table, which is my only table, is eleven feet long. I can seat twelve and serve them on real dishes on a moment's notice. Twenty four people, you say? No problem. Just give me a few minutes more to get everything set up. Even when I was single and lived in a townhouse, I hosted dinners on the lawn behind my house in the summertime. This Friday, I'm in charge of food and hospitality for a holiday party for a group of 150 women. I'll be making ten large pans of stuffed shells this week. I've finished making 150 reindeer candy cane ornaments with supplies I bought on sale after Christmas last year.
Everything I use, including the table (and backups) was thrifted, estate saled, Craigslisted, passed down from friends or gleaned at my favorite furniture consignment store. I could sell it all for at least what I have into it.
I am also an HGTV addict. I do not like the shows where people overbuy/rent just so they can accommodate visitors. However, I do believe in using the space I have to maximum effect.
As a result, our house is a gathering place. Our house is where the special occasions are celebrated. I love being able to do this. It feeds my soul to feed and host others. Therefore, I do it as often as possible. Someday, I will be old (hopefully) and may not have the energy to do this. To everything there is a season. When that time comes, I won't regret a moment or a penny of it.
Tl;Dr - If it feels like a burden, don't do it. If it makes you happy, do it as cost effectively as possible.
It sounds like you are exactly the kind of person who needs to own lots of entertainment supplies! Own 'em proudly. 🙂
I recently had the same question about 5 glass pie pans and a 3-pie carrier that I have. I only use them at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I use every one on both of these occasions. They don't take up much space and baking these pies every year bring me joy. So, I'm keeping (and enjoying) them!
Yes! Things that nest take up so little space...5 pie pans aren't that much larger than 1 pie pan.
I try to find other uses for infrequently used items. Obviously, this doesn't work for everything, but I love to help others host parties so I have an unusual amount of cake plates and other types of serving pieces. Instead of taking up cupboard space (I have none, I live in a 900 sq. ft. apartment with my family of 4.), I use them as storage on counters and bookshelves. I keep trays on my end tables for holding books and cups, I have a dual-tier cake stand on my dresser filled with jewelry, another by my sink with soap and dishwasher tabs. I use vases and pitchers for storing pens or other small items. My punch bowl holds fruit, not punch, 90% of the year! When I need to use these things for a gathering I dump the contents, wash them and they look great. I feel good knowing they get used more often than five or six times a year and they often are complimented as decor by those who visit my home. I love making them dual-purpose! Obviously, you can't do this with everything (towels or silverware!) but it has helped me to feel better about keeping larger pieces that I love that take up valuable storage space.
I love that idea!
Now that I think about it, I kind of do that too. My big black serving bowl is used as a fruit bowl most of the time, and then I empty it out when I need it for serving.
That's a great idea!
Yes! I keep one of my pie plates (glass pyrex) on my counter by my stove, and it holds all my oils and vinegars. It keeps them in one place, and spins nicely too! When I need to make a pie (maybe 2x per year), it's available in a minute.
I agree with the thought that if you already own it, and you love it and is useful for doing things you love (ie hosting and entertaining), keep it, as long as you have space to use it- even if you only use it sporadically. I have an entire extra set of dishes that gets used exactly twice a year, for large dinners we throw. So while I don't trust my clutzy family to use these dishes day in and day out, I love them, they get used every time we have a to-do, and when we do eat off them, it brings memories of other large dinners we've hosted. Well worth it, since I have space to store them.
My one piece of advice would be to not buy extra things for a *just in case* type scenario. I have dishes for 10. Sometimes we have more for dinner, but not often. I'm not going to run out and buy more dishes *just in case* we have more than that at some unknown point in the future, we make due with what we need. But if I end up finding myself year after year with 15 people and scrounging for dishes, then I may add to the stash then, maybe not.
We have to keep items to a minimum as we live in a very small apartment. We can entertain up to four additional people comfortably, beyond that it truly is easier to go out to a restaurant. (I know that can be costly but it happens so rarely for us that it's worth it.) As for overnight guests, we bought a sofa bed years ago and it hasn't been used often enough to justify buying another one now that the inner mechanism has given out and can no longer be used or repaired at a reasonable cost. We will be buying a smaller regular sofa to replace it and two smaller chairs which will give us more seating. As for the dishes, our everyday ones are all we have room for so we bought a simple design that can be "dressed up" by decorating the table with flowers and our nice napkins.
My advice, keep what you do use regularly even if regularly means every time you entertain, jettison the rest. You can always rent extra platters and such if you really needed to.
When I lived in my townhouse, my neighbor and I hit upon a solution. We were bargain shopping and came upon a pattern of white dishes at a really good price that we both liked . We each bought a set and from then on passed them back and forth as needed. Her family celebrates the major holidays the Sunday before, so we never needed them at the same time. Later, I found another set in the box at a garage sale for $10. Score! And now, no worries about breakage.
BTW - All my dishes and servingware are white or clear glass. So versatile and it keeps it from looking like the piecemeal assortment it really is.
This is such a good strategy, and it works with other items too. For instance, if you paint miscellaneous old furniture the same color, it looks like it's supposed to go together.
My white serving dishes are all mismatched too, but they still look good together because of the plain color.
I agree that a few serving dishes and extra pillows don't take up that much room or cost that much to move and maintain.
But I would add that one of the most expensive ways people make room for guests is by buying a house that is big enough to accommodate guests that you host infrequently. If you can afford a big house and have guests all the time, go for it! But if money is tighter, and you don't have guests often anyway, why buy the extra square footage (and clean it and heat it and pay taxes on it)? My husband and I airbnb our entire house on weekends when we are out of town. We often have people who are in town to see relatives and would rather pay a few hundred dollars and have plenty of room to stretch out and not sleep in the guest room. It might be worth checking into before you drop extra cash on a guest room.
I am struggling with this. I have a very pretty, china set for 12 with all kinds of platters, serving pieces, etc. It's silver trimmed on the edges, so that means hand washing. With my OT issues, this is a concern, so it sits in cabinets. I've moved it 4 times since I divorced . . am thinnking of unloading it. : (
You know, one of my friends has gold-trimmed china, and she (potentially) sacrificed a saucer by leaving it in her dishwasher and washing it with every load for a year. Turns out she couldn't tell the difference, and has been machine-washing her china ever since (5-6 tmes a year for the last 30 years). It's holding up just fine.
I have gold rim china too. I have been putting it in the dishwasher for years now and no harm done! This has allowed me to use these pretty dishes more frequently. I even get them out just to make a day feel special for no reason!
There is a middle ground between haulign and storing all that stuff and havign to send people out to restaurants: rent.
Renting cutlery and plates always seemed to me to be at bit... odd., for lack of a betetr word. Like who does that? They must be crazy wealthy!
Well, then I married into my husband's family, and they rent chairs, plates, glasses, and cutlery for the annual family dinners. They aren't particularly wealthy. To them it just makes more sense to rent once a year than store everything all year round. Plus they deliver to your house and pick it up afterwards.
We did this for our wedding reception. We had a small gathering in a room we rented in the clubhouse of our condo complex. My mom did the food and we borrowed linens. I really dislike disposable plates, cups and cutlery, so we rented plates, glasses and silverware for 30 people. It was perfect, and one guest described the reception as "simple and elegant." This is exactly what we were aiming for.
What a good idea!
Another way to do it is to share things - my sister and her mother in law have between them about 60 Ikea wineglasses, 60 tumblers, 40 plates, 40 dessert plates, and silverware for 60 plus lots of serving tools. This all lives in a couple of enormous plastic tubs (one with each of them so no one has to store it all) and they simply coordinate schedules so that the full set is available to whomever is hosting a party. Everything except the wineglasses and tumblers is mismatched stuff they pick up at yardsales and thrift shops for a few pennies a piece, and this way they don't need to worry if something gets broken and they always have plenty for entertaining. Which they love to do.
This is a great idea!
I can relate. We're in the process of selling our condo and moving to a larger new house. We had two moves to storage and we've been living in the condo for 2 months without all the "stuff" and aside from a few items, I don't miss much at all. I'm planning to seriously downsize when we get to the new house. Crazy, because the new house is much larger.
Jeez, I hope it's ok given what I put on my wishlist for Christmas that my in-laws have already gotten for me. We may not use the three tier server often, but we'll use it when entertaining. And they're going to get me something anyway.
We wouldn't have these things if we lived in a small place like we did last year and have in the past (and we'd be using more disposable options in that case).
Ooh, my girls want one of those for tea parties. We had high tea, and once they saw those 3-tier servers, they were smitten.
The problem is, I'm not sure I have room for one. Maybe I could look for the type that disassembles when you're not using it.
A possible semi-substitute is to stack three gradiated cake stands on top of each other. Only works if you want or have the gradiated cake stands, though.
Mine disassembles flat and uses actual plates for the tiers. I love it. (It came early and I used it at thanksgiving.)
Ooh, nice! Link?
http://amzn.to/2gzWJob
Thank you!
Currently on sale for $40...
Mine holds fruit on my counter most of the time and then gets used for 'fancy' occasions a few times a year.
It is really cute if you assemble one yourself with plates and small cups and then when the tea party is over, the plates and the cupe return to their original function.
I agree that if you use it, even if it's not daily, and enjoy it, then keep it. I have family over often enough to keep service for 12, even though there are only the two of us at home most of the time. My guest rooms (the two former kids' rooms) get used by guests and as rooms for us to do some of our hobbies, so they do double duty.
But, if they've served their purpose and I think they are done, I'm fine with getting rid of stuff, too. For ten years I had boxes of inexpensive and thrifted plates, stemware and forks from a wedding in our family. They got used multiple times because people borrowed them for weddings, showers and parties, but the borrowing had slowed down to a stop. I finally gave them to a bride-to-be who was asking on freecycle for wedding supplies. I felt like they'd done their time with me and it was time for someone else to have them.
In spite of what many think, minimalism is not about counting possessions, it is about living your best life. Thus, the primary rule of minimalism is to keep only those things you find useful or that give you joy. It sounds to me like hosting big events in which you use those things gives you joy. Thus, the primary rule says you should keep them since they fit both criteria.
Kasey, it's not clear to me if you're wondering whether you should downsize, or if you're asking as a general matter. I have different answers for each.
I'd say that "a few times a year" is a lot of use for special, big party gear. If you use it that much, I'd say keep it. (Assuming you want to continue to use it that often.) If you feel that you use it but maybe not all of it, thin down your selection. Perhaps by noticing what you don't use as much.
OTOH, if you're wondering if one should buy all this, or how people who don't have that stash manage, then the above responses have lots of answers.
Me, I have a small/medium size collection of serving dishes; plenty of plates, cups and wine glasses; and table space for only 8 persons. My solution when I entertain is a buffet and guests sit in the living room and the kitchen/den. I'm more likely to have house guests so I have lots of sleeping surfaces (sofa bed, Japanese futon, aerobed, couches, sleeping pad) with sheets, towels, and blankets to match.
Our house got hit by a hurricane one year and I had to pack up my kitchen, which is when I too realized how many dishes we had that were used just once or twice a year for entertaining. Long story short....I put those boxes out in our garage sale. I entertain my extended family once or twice a year at holidays but now when I do, I just make a trip to the dollar store and get some pretty $1 serving plates and such that I donate to Goodwill after the event. I typically make due with items we use every day so I'm only spending $5-$10 at the dollar store, which is an expense I'll gladly take on considering that I now have 3 extra cabinets that were once full of holiday serving dishes.
Entertaining friends and family can be a very meaningful part of ones life. I wouldn't waste time worrying about whether you have too many items for guests. If/when you get tired of entertaining you may find that a friend or family member may love to have some of those items, as a reminder of good times at your home. You may think its just a holiday platter but somebody else may see it as a reminder of grandma, a dear friend, etc. You can't really put a price on cherished memories, so don't sweat the cost of moving a few boxes of things you'll put to good use making more memories.
I am with Tina S. I am not a fan of paper or plastics. I have rented chafing dishes, table linens, cloth napkins, china and flatware when serving holiday dinners to more than my supply of tableware exceeds. The hidden plus? You rinse the dishes and drop them in a crate. Just toss the linens in a laundry bag and return to the rental store. They launder them, they store them until your next event ...And it allows for having a different color scheme with each celebration!
It may sound like a waste, but twice a year , I have found it to work well.
We downsized twice in 3 years and I had TONS of serving ware from times when we entertained more than we do now, but I still do host pot lucks and patio parties fairly often for friends and family. When we were reducing out "stuff" I simply kept what I LOVED THE MOST and really used a lot.I also use many of my serving dishes for "just us" during the year. I had a bunch of glass serving dishes people had given me as gifts over the year, and I rarely used them--I prefer colorful crockery and pottery pieces, so those went to Goodwill. I suppose eBay would be even better! But do keep what you love and keep enjoying those guests!
That's a good point. I use serving dishes for daily use as well, just not the big stuff. It means more dishwashing, though, compared to putting the cooking put or storage container on the table. Pros and cons either way.
My husband and I rent our place and have moved frequently over the years, so we don't have any of that stuff. Last Thanksgiving, we hosted, and people were more than happy to lend us items like a roaster pan, table cloth, extra dishes, etc. Since you already have the items and seem to use them regularly, also consider lending them to folks as needed. That saves your friends and family money, and then you feel like your items aren't being underutilized.
We recently had the max number of people over that we host/entertain at one time. Everything we didn't use this time is going!
the consensus seems to be if you already have it and love using it KEEP it.
But I caution that if you are renting a storage unit to keep your stuff consider the storage cost. When I was an apartment dweller I rented a unit. After a while I realized that I could replace the stuff for less than I was paying to store it.
If you enjoy having get-togethers in your home and enjoy having overnight guests, if you enjoy setting a pretty table or buffet and if you like to treat guests to lovely linens and towels, if you already have these items and have a place to store them and they're not in the way.....well, why get rid of them?
I use some of my items only two or three times a year but I've been using them for a couple of decades now so I think they've earned their keep, lol! I have a dining table that can expand to fit up to a dozen people and contract to suit the 2 to 6 of us that are normally here. We have a harvest table that lives in our foyer that can be moved if we need more table room and a smaller folding table that takes up a minimal amount of space and serves as a desk or work surface in various areas of the house. Between the daughter and a cousin and I, we have about 16 folding chairs that we share between us. We share crock pots and large pans and special serving pieces and linens. We're also not shy about using paper plates and such for BBQs and outdoor events. Sharing stuff between three households keeps everyone from having to have a huge amount of stuff stored in their home.
If it makes you happy to have these things and use them.....
keep them and enjoy!