A free way to make the world more pleasant
There are people in our world who hold a belief that astounds me. It goes something like this: "If someone is doing a paid service for me, I shouldn't have to say thank you to that person. They are just doing their job."
I have heard people say this in real life, and I've also seen people share this perspective online.
How I feel about said perspective:
Which reminds me...many years ago, I was newly pregnant with Zoe, there was a heat wave, and the air conditioning went out at the same time. When the repair guy arrived, I practically wanted to fall at his feet and cry tears of gratitude (I hate being hot and sweaty!!). I restrained myself and just said something like, "Oh my gosh, I am SO GLAD you are here. Thank you, thank you!" And I remember he told me most people are just angry at him for not being there sooner.
While in the most technical sense, it is true that you don't owe anyone a word of thanks (saying "thank you" is not generally written into the contract), I am puzzled why anyone would choose this as a hill to die on.
I mean, saying, "thank you" is literally SO EASY.
I also can't fathom why anyone would want to live in a world bereft of gratitude. Who doesn't enjoy a little appreciation?
I am also completely unable to understand the position of not wanting to say thank you to someone else. I feel like it just bubbles up, and I think I'd have to actively work to keep myself from saying thank you.
In addition, expressing thanks brings joy to other people, which in turn brings joy to the person saying "thank you"! Isn't it fun to see someone's face light up when you express gratitude? It's a symbiotic relationship; both parties are blessed by expressed gratefulness.
I was talking about this with a patient last week, and after the conversation, I was noticing how many times my coworkers and I say thank you to each other.
The virtual nurse says thank you to me when I get the patient ready for her to do a discharge, and then I say, "Thanks so much! You're the best!" when she tells me the patient is ready to go.
I say thank you to the dear people who take the trash out of patient rooms (because OHH do you notice it when that trash sits!).
The PT/OT/CT/X-ray people say thank you to me when I get a patient ready to be seen by them.
I say thank you when a provider answers a question I have about a patient.
I say thank you to the unbelievably detail-oriented specialist who manages the tedium of payroll.
Many patients say thank you for everything I do for them, sometimes even when it's an injection.
My nurse co-workers and I say thank you to each other when we are willing to go sign off on insulin dispenses (you need two nurses for that and sometimes it's hard to find one!)
I say, "Thank you for reminding me!" when a patient asks a second time for that cup of ice water because man, I genuinely meant to get it but I just got sidetracked.
(I usually say, "It's always ok to remind me!")
When I call down to distribution to ask them to send up an item I need, I always say, "Thank you so much! I appreciate you." because my goodness, that saves me a long walk to retrieve it myself.
I REALLY say thank you when the plumbers come to fix a clogged toilet in a patient room. Ha.
One could argue that all of these examples are just someone doing their job. But I see no harm (and plenty of value) in expressing appreciation for that. 😉
__________
I know people vary in what encourages and motivates them, but my goodness, I personally love being in an environment filled with appreciation.
When my patients say thank you to me (even though I am just doing my job), it makes me even more motivated to do a good job; the appreciation is so rewarding. It's the exact opposite of a vicious cycle.
Maybe you are already the kind of person who sprinkles gratitude into the world wherever you go. If so, carry on!
If you aren't...well, I don't want to tell you what to do (I'm not the bossy sort), but I'm gonna suggest giving it a try. 🙂 It's quick, it's easy, it costs you nothing more than a few seconds, and it'll improve basically every environment you are in.
Most of us come into contact with dozens of people each week, which means there are many chances to spread warm appreciation as we move through the world. What a lovely opportunity we all have!
I know this is not going to solve the heartbreaking problems going on in the world right now, but it will bring a bit of sunshine into someone else's day. And that is not nothing. 🙂
I'm sure all of us have at least one experience of being on the receiving end of gratitude, and I'd love to hear how it affected you. Soo.....
Tell me about a time someone encouraged you by saying, "Thank you!"
P.S. Some people bring the "no need to say thank you when it's your job" attitude into marriage and parenting, and I think that's crazy work too. It's not that hard to say thank you, and odds are very good that it will improve relationships!
P.P.S. Most people in the world are annoyed when they encounter an entitled attitude, which is sort of the opposite of a grateful attitude. So, this is my little entitlement resistance: spreading gratitude instead.
Entitlement resistance! Love it.
I think a lot of this perspective is natural when one self-examines and doesn't think themselves better than anyone else. I don't believe I'm better than my students just because I'm supposedly older and wiser (though of course I'm in charge to direct things and I do! I just ALSO leave space for students to be themselves and an open mind for me to learn things from them too). I don't believe I'm better than other employees at the school - that my program matters more or my ideas are better than all the other things going on simultaneously. We are truly all in this life together and need one another. For example, I would love to work in foodservice, but I can't prep the school lunches and teach at the same time. So we rely on the nutrition service team and say thank you and cheer for their team to do the best work they can do providing for the students.
I used to work for a facility that was resistant to employee appreciation because "their paycheck is their appreciation." (Insert shock and awe emoticon). The people who feel gratified and satisfied as humans JUST because of a paycheck, especially in the long term, are quite few and maybe nonexistent. I have also encountered coworkers through the years who don't pitch in for a custodian's informal Christmas bonus from the people working in the area they clean. It's their money, their choice, OK. But I can't help but shake my head when the potential giver's attitude is that "they already get a paycheck." I think this sentiment comes from a true lack of empathy and understanding.
I know being the recipient of genuine gratitude does wonders for my own well-being, so I will keep trying to spread it.
I raised my children with the phrase, "manners are free, and it costs you nothing to be polite"
It has served them well in life!
They are often noticed for a simple 'please' or 'thank you'.
Add thank-you cards for the perfect trifecta of manners.
I live in Melbourne, Australia. We thank bus drivers and taxi drivers as we alight. We thank tram drivers if we are on a tram where the driver can hear us. Ours is not a tipping culture, but we pretty much always thank our servers, receptionists, plumbers, everyone really. We thank drivers who give way to us on pedestrian crossings (with a wave, we don't force open the car windows 😀 ). It absolutely never hurts us to thank someone for doing something for us, even if we also pay them. It shows appreciation and gratitude for them doing something that benefits us. And it might not solve all the world's problems, but it absolutely won't hurt!
Also from Australia here, and yep we do this all over. Big cities and small towns alike. Folks call ‘thank you’ as they leave cafes and restaurants, wave thanks at other drivers when they let them in, say it to service providers in person, on the phone and online. Seems an ingrained habit! I haven’t heard people say that paying someone exempts you from thanking them.
When I think how much a little appreciation means to my mood, I find it easy to express appreciation to others. Bus drivers and train conducters for instance, mentioned in earlier comments too. Delivery people and newspaper boy, ditto (at the end of the year we tip them and I make sure the tip goes in an envelope with a handwritten card, thanking them for their dependable delivery in all weather). Hospital and shopping staff, etc etc. Also strangers, holding doors, making room for each other in a queue etc.
I've been thanked for my contributions at work, that I am paid for, and for what I do around the house, that I do for myself as well as my loved ones.
The best thanks are not the words, but the thanks when the eyes light up. Those really make me happy. I am happy to say I encounter friendly people each and every day.
I am a thanker and have been even more so since life went sideways during the pandemic and employees were risking their lives to serve us. I thank people that answer the phone for a living (customer service reps, patient schedulers, etc.). I appreciate people that perform jobs I would not want to do. I tip generously (not frugal but in line with my values and something I can afford to do).
I believe there can be a ripple effect of niceness/kindness spreading and these days especially we need to do all we can to start/add to those ripples.
Yes to your last sentence! The way we move through the world does cause ripples. 🙂
I also believe that kindness can help enlarge the pie while selfishness (fixed/limited/competitive) thinking does not.
I had to mentor someone at work and she thanked me profusely, more than once, and it meant a lot. I was very touched when she said she wanted to sit next to me in meetings because I gave her confidence (partly as I have issues with seeing myself as inspiring confidence, but that's another post).
I truly don't understand people who don't thank service workers, or say 'they're just doing their job' (especially after having worked years in retail; the stories I could tell). There's a scene in Malcolm in the Middle where a snobby neighbour is rude to a gardener and says something along the lines of 'he's just the help' and the mother shouts 'he is not the help! He is a person you hired because he has a skill; a skill you do not have!' We owe a lot to people in jobs which aren't respected nearly as much as they should be and I always say thank you, even if there is an issue.
" a skill you do not have!" - I love that one
Me too. That’s a great way to look at it.
So do I!
When I was in NYC my friend and I went into a shop and the guy working there was rearranging a display. My friend asked if she could just grab something from it and thanked him, and he said she was the first person to ask and thank him all day.
"A skill you do not have": yes, this is literally me when I do things like hire someone to pump my septic tank.
Add the well digger and garbage person to the list. I may not be able to thank my waste hauler in person but we tip well as Xmas. We tip the septic pumper and the window cleaners - a "have breakfast or lunch on us".
We had some trees planted when it was one of those hot days you do not like. I had hauled the hose out the area and turned it on. When they were done, I had cold beverages to offer. They put in black soil when they planted, I told them (per better half) to leave the soil they'd dug out as better half would deal with it.
Sophie in Denmark,
I've also worked in a number of retail jobs....yup, sooooo many stories about "entitled" customers. Eye roll.
Speaking of a job that likely isn't very respected: the cafeteria of the hospital where I work employs a company that comes to take away the used oil/grease they use to deep fry foods in the cafeteria. It's a dirty, smelly job - used cooking oil that needs to be changed out, and the machinery needed to suck it out of the fryers, does not have the nicest odor - and the folks that do this job should be given many thanks. I can only hope they are generously thanked. (I usually only see them in passing when I go to get some coffee, but from now on, I will thank them).
Years ago I had a student who smiled and said a quiet thank you as she left my class every day. I taught for 31 years and she was the only one who did this. Of course it meant a great deal to me then and even now, retired for quite some time.
By the way thank you, Kristen for all your blog entries—I have read them all, especially “A Word” and those about your children and educating them.
You know, this is wonderful. When I taught in public schools, it was so delightful when a student appreciated me. I don't remember any student doing this though. I can say, however, that both of my homeschool graduates have thanked me-- maybe not everyday "after class," but after they went away to college. It felt so good.
I work at a wonderful school and most of my students thank me as they're leaving every class, and colleagues will do so after class visits (I'm a teacher librarian). From some, it seems like a reflex but others take a moment to make eye contact when they're saying it, and I feel so so lucky to get to be part of this school community!
Before the pandemic someone presented that to say “thank you for your work” was a theme similar to what you are presenting and even gave out business cards you could leave for someone (ie on the housekeeper’s cart).
I started doing that and especially with harried store clerks trying to stock shelves, etc… It’s amazing their response to a little gratitude.
I have an elderly person in my life who I occasionally take places who usually has an entitlement attitude, especially with restaurant servers. She is often embarrassing and I *hope* my thank you counter balances her demands since I can do nothing to change her.
Thanks for the suggestion….😎
When my boss expressed her gratitude to me for showing up to my job all weekend (ice storm here) it made me smile. Then she told me they were going to pay me call-back pay for all of the hours I spent overnight (sleeping) and I gotta admit, I did shed a tear. Its an amazing feeling to be seen and appreciated by a boss who gets it - even if its your job that you are already being paid to do. It encourages me, and that's no small thing.
This is so lovely to hear, Gina! Someone who appreciates the great lengths you went to at work, and takes the time to make you feel valued. It was probably not a big effort on her part, but she took the time to make that effort, probably got some sort of approval to sign off on the pay, and made you feel valued & appreciated - and what an investment that is! Well done to you & your boss!
YES!
My boss gave us the meal certificates and said, "thank you for making the effort to be here", and it was really just the thought and the appreciation that meant so much to me.
A company for whom I used to work had an excellent bad weather policy. Those that lived close to the data center and could make it into work were well compensated. Not only extra pay but extra time off. I don't know if they still do it today. But it was one of the better policies of the day. These days so many can work remote (despite corp america not being fond of it - don't get me started).
100% agreement with everything you said. When DS#1 was in the hospital, I noticed there was a wide spectrum of attitudes among the healthcare providers. Some were genuinely happy to help, some seemed grumpy, some acted like we were bothering them, and though I don't know what was going on with each individual (whether there was something else going on with the bothered ones), I suspect that some had gotten just a little jaded over years of providing care and not being thanked. It's easy to start feeling taken for granted, especially in the hospital where nobody really wants to be! I just wonder if that's a factor.
So yes, I say thank you a lot. I thank DH for cooking dinner, especially when he's having a busy day. I thank my kids for helping out. I thanked the HR recruiter yesterday after my phone interview! 😉 It costs me nothing.
That atmosphere of genuine gratitude is the distance between a good work environment and a toxic one.
I am doing a career change into nursing in my early 40s, and I work as a PCT. It’s kind of the lowest rung on the nursing ladder in the hospital, so I get asked to do things a lot by nurses, patients, pretty much everyone! Being thanked afterwards makes such a big difference, even/especially from people who aren’t the easiest to work with.
The culture on my floor is such that at the end of the shift, most nurses will thank each other and the PCTs again for help given during the shift. We typically also thank the patients - “thank you for working with me today.” - and I’ve seen that really help set up night shift for a productive time with patients that were a bit challenging.
Doctors thank nurses all the time, too, and I’ve even had hospital admin up to and including the hospital director stop by randomly to simply say “thank you” to staff.
It’s not a perfect place to work, we still have personality conflicts and politics and difficult patients. But feeling like the work overall is appreciated? That makes a difference.
100%! The whole vibe of the unit is better when there's an atmosphere of gratefulness.
I swear this is the secret to my second marriage. Not that my first husband and I were ungrateful to each other during our marriage, but I think we probably tell into the trip of taking each other for granted and that let resentment grow.
Now, my partner (who is also on his second marriage) and I are very explicit about saying thank you to one another, even for the little things, or the obvious things. It just makes things so much more PLEASANT.
If you’re struggling with saying thank you to someone for something that « just their job », try reframe it in your head: what you’re actually saying is « I see you and acknowledge what you are doing ».
yes, exactly this. My husband and I thank each other often for doing chores and other things. It's a way of telling the other that you see the 'invisible' work that they've done. And it's nice to add to the positive interactions with each other.
I received a Christmas card last year from a friend who goes to my church. She thanked me for what I do in my job - I’m the director of music - but then she also thanked me for something that I wasn’t sure I’d done “right” and it left me sitting in stunned, appreciative silence. Her granddaughter died in a horrible accident this year. It was all over local and national news and there were hundreds of people at the funeral. Afterwards, she sat in a front pew silently watching her son, who’s my age, thanking people for coming. I sat down next to her and just held her hand. That’s all. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing and I had no words of comfort, but she held on, so I stayed for a while. In the card, she thanked me so beautifully for it and the fact that she remembered it months later was so touching. Her words have encouraged me to be better about reaching out with care for others, even when I’m not sure it’s the “right” way to do it.
Just reading this makes me a little teary eyed. The act of simply physically being there for someone grieving can mean so much.
I *just* responded to a text from an infusion nurse by saying “yes, it’s ok to give that drug to that patient despite his mildly elevated lab value. Thanks for checking.” In addition to really valuing the nurses I work with - especially the ones working the 7 am shift in frigid temps - I’m pretty sure that patients will get worse care if nurses are worried that I’ll be mean or impatient when they ask me questions.
YES.
I personally will politely bother the doctors no matter how they respond (ha), but it does make it way, way easier to ask questions/raise issues when I know the provider will be receptive and polite back.
My middle son thanked me for taking care of him when he was sick with the flu this weekend. Followed by, even more touching, "When I have a family, I'm going to be as nice to my kids as Dad is to us, and I hope my wife is as nice as you." 🙂
Relatedly, remembering a person's name and using it when thanking them is kind of a big deal. I do this all the time, reflexively now, because my dad always did. Even when I call a bank or whatever, I remember the name the person gives me when they answer the phone and use it when I say thank you at the end of the call. Also costs nothing, also makes a person feel seen and valued.
That's a good thing to remember, to use the person's name. One of my residents at my clinical used my name when she thanked me for something, and it really does make the thank you extra special.
Wow! Thats some impressively complementary feedback from your son. No wonder you felt good.
It was a nice change from the usual accusations of being mean because I make them go to school/ clean the bathroom, etc.🙂
Ooh, love the point about using someone's name!
That's an extraordinary thing for your son to say. Well done, mom and dad!
While everyone needs a paycheck, it is not money that motivates us. We are motivated by the intangible things with being thanked one of the most important, Being appreciated helps people wanting to do their best. I found that out early when I was in a managerial position. And it works in our home lives as well. I’ve been married for 45 years and I have never fixed a meal that my husband hasn’t thanked me.And while I’m a pretty good cook, there certainly been some clunkers over the years.
Yes! My husband and I thank each other for the meals we've prepared, even if it's "just" grilled cheese sandwiches or something equally as easy to make. And yeah, we've had our share of clunkers, too. 🙂
The upper echelon in corp america is all about money. They cannot fathom work/life balance or that money is not a motivator. I've told a few co-workers over the years that if you hate you job, it doesn't matter how much money you're paid.
I love this! My boss said he literally couldn’t do his job without me. It was very nice.
I worked for years at a preschool job with little kids, and to have a 4-year-old say thank you when you do something for him or her means the world!
I'm not going to itemize here, but I do make a constant effort to thank people, behave pleasantly, be gracious and understanding, etc. Kristen's story about her HVAC guy rang bells with me; increasingly, I'm hearing, "Thank you for being patient. So many people aren't these days."
Yes! I've heard your last sentence so much recently it makes me really sad.
I say thank you to these people as well, but I would never think I was better than someone because of it. Or shake my head at someone just because they didn't say thank you. There are many, many reasons why someone might not say thank you in a specific instant. And I, myself, hate being thanked in a perfunctory way (ie, I was taught to say thank you, so I do). I've been on the receiving end of a lot of thank yous that were just transactional. Ie, I do something for someone, they say thank you. End of transaction. Well, it would sure be nice if someone reciprocated instead of thinking their obligation ends at the words "thank you." I would much rather do something for someone and have them do something for me another time. Mutual appreciation vs transactional appreciation. Obviously a store clerk isn't going to do something nice for me later, so I thank that person. But for people that I know I'd rather give and receive a tangible representation of appreciation. Otherwise you end up giving and giving, for what? A few thank yous and nothing in return? That's transactional.
I'm probably not explaining it very well, but my husband and I had a fight about this several years ago. He would thank me for doing stuff, but I almost felt demeaned by it. I was doing those things because I wanted to, and because it was "my job." I have a strong sense of duty and I don't need to be thanked for every little thing. I'd rather be acknowledged less often in other ways.
There are lots of people with lots of backgrounds and world views. Just like you, I'm happy with the way I conduct myself but I would never be so bold as to say the world would be a better place if people acted more like me.
I don't think Kristen was trying to say she's a better person, or that we should say thank you without thought or further action. What you're saying reminds me a little of what I've read about the emphasis on good manners in the South, where people will always say sir and ma'am and thank you...but will badmouth you behind your back, and/or not mean anything with what they are saying and are just following a script, yet are seen as more polite than, say, people in NYC. I also find those kind of thank-yous kind of phony, but I don't think those are the kind Kristen means.
If you conduct yourself the way you say you do, then pardon me for saying so, but I do think the world would be a better place if more people acted like you! Kindness and civility are disappearing in society because not enough people practice them. I understand your dissatisfaction with disingenuous thank yous, but I grew up in an era when you were taught to be kind and polite to everyone and for many of us it is just rote behavior which can, at times, sound a bit disingenuous, but I would personally rather have a (perceived) disingenuous thank you than none at all.
Sophie, what an unkind thing to say about people from the South! Have you spent much time in the American South? Most born and bred Southerners of a certain age have wonderful manners, a strong sense of community service, and conduct themselves with integrity. Malicious Gossips are malicious gossips --no matter where they are from -- including the UK.
Bee, Sophie was sharing something she had read.
I can see Bee's point, and the point actually is that it's just something she read. It's not coming from a place of personal experience, and people of that culture will be offended if that is not their personal experience. It's always dicey to make general comments, especially negative ones, on a place, people, or way of life based on second-hand knowledge.
I was not trying to be offensive. I know there are cruel and gossipy people from every culture. I was quoting from a general example I had read about which an American had written (and also from a conversation I had with someone who grew up in the South and then moved to NYC as an adult. They said manners are better but people can be more fake, whereas in NYC people might not talk to you in the street but they will always help out. Of course there are very caring people in the South and cruel people in NYC as well, this was just a general example. I wasn't trying to say people in the South are worse than others and I really wasn't trying to cause offence.
I understand that it is exhausting to be in relationships where it doesn't feel like there is equal buy-in or equal effort; I hear you on that! Love, consideration, service, and care should go both ways in a healthy adult relationship, and I hope your husband was able to hear your request to show his appreciation in ways that mean the most to you. Part of loving someone is hearing feedback and adjusting accordingly. 🙂
I'm not trying to say I'm better than other people; I'm saying that I experience joy from being on both the giving and receiving end of a heartfelt "thank you", and I am offering up a suggestion to all of us: to make a point of expressing more appreciation and gratefulness to others as we go through our days. Based on the majority of the comments here, it seems like many of us do appreciate hearing "thank you".
One last thing to clear up: as I said in another comment, I actually think that policing other people's manners is quite unmannerly. And it is a form of entitlement to expect a "thank you" and then get disgruntled and shake your head when you don't get it. I don't live my life keeping track of who has said thank you and who hasn't; I just notice the little lift it gives me when someone expresses appreciation. 🙂
When I was growing up my mother (who skewed authoritarian) required that we say after dinner: “Thank you for dinner. It was very good.” I hated that!! I rarely meant it. But, now, I find myself saying, “Thanks for dinner, Diane. It WAS really good!!”
Totally agree! I do think in our personal relationships at home, it's always wonderful to thank one another and to truly be grateful for what our family members do to make our lives easier, better, etc.
I was taught at a young age to say “thank you” and we taught our children to do the same. When I was in high school I was chosen to go to Girls State (a week-long camp.) When I got home, I wrote a thank-you note to the Director and thought no more of it. The next spring, I got a letter inviting me to be a Jr. Counselor at the next camp, which I happily accepted. One evening at that camp, the Director was talking about manners, and told everyone that one of the Jr. Counselors had been chosen because she wrote a thank-you note after last year’s camp! I have never forgotten that!
Long ago I remember hiring an electrician coming out to fix issues with our first house before we had moved in and telling him that I only had lemonade and bottled water and let me know if he wanted either and the bathroom was second door on the left - and he told me that he was frequently told to drink out of a water hose or go to a nearby business to use the restroom by other clients and I was just... speechless.
I have NEVER understood treating anyone else badly especially when I'm asking them to do something for me! How hard is it to treat others with basic human kindness?
About 8 years ago there was a politician who never let his secret service protection team use their bathroom, setting up a porta-potty instead. There was an unsurprising lot of unhappiness about that. Really, do you really want to antagonize the people who give up their weekends and holidays in order to take a bullet for you?
There have been times where just being kind to the person at the drive-thru or cashier at a store has had a clear and instant effect on them. It makes me happy to see them light up, but sad to know they clearly do not get thanked nearly enough. I do appreciate that they come to work so I can get whatever it is that I need. I also appreciate that dealing with many unpleasant people makes it a hard job to do day after day. I’m very grateful for all the people in the world who do jobs I don’t want to do!
One personal “thank you” moment I remember was when I was working at the library. I had helped a woman and her elderly mother find some specific baking cookbooks they were looking for. Less than a week later, the woman came back with bread and treats her mother had made as a thank you. It was completely unexpected, but nice to know that what had been such a simple and enjoyable act for me had had such a positive impact on someone else.
I also want to add, that you never know what someone else is going through. Even if someone is a little grumpy, they still get a polite “thank you” for whatever they are doing for me. I do draw the line at not giving thanks to people who are truly terrible to me or others, but I can still practice my patience in those situations.
My parents used to talk about an acquaintance of theirs who would never leave a tip - because the server was getting paid. I doubt that people like this (and like you described) have the emotional intelligence to recognize themselves as lacking gratitude.
Just before the world shut down for COVID, I arranged to have internet access in my home. Before that, I saved money (and time, because we all know what a time waster the internet can be) by using the internet at work, or at my local doughnut shop. Suddenly all those options were gone- I was adrift, without the possibility of working at home, which I suddenly needed to do. Somehow, the universe smiled at me. Just a few days before the IT company stopped doing installs entirely, a man showed up to give me internet access in my home. When he showed up on time (I was already fearful he would cancel) I told him that if anyone ever asked him if he had saved a life, he should say yes, because he saved mine.
My mother was always kind and said thank you, so I just always said thank you to people. Apparently my kids were watching because from what I can tell, they say it (they're grown so I'm not always with them to see it). I have a daughter in healthcare and one in retail and they recognize when people don't seem to appreciate what they do.
I start my morning and end my evenings saying thank you to the Lord because I do feel blessed by Him in everything, even in hard times. I thank him for sustaining me through them. When I check my bank account and my paycheck is in there, I say thank you Lord (for blessing me with my job and finances) - even though my job is the Payroll Specialist and know it'll be there but I still thank Him.
I live in FL and iykyk, we have bugs. So every month when the bugman comes to spray, I leave the money on the counter and I always put a note on it saying "Frankie - Thank You!!" because he keeps the buggy's away and for that I am so appreciative. Not only Superheroes wear capes, lol.
Love love love gratitude. Love, but I constantly remind myself, "thank you" are merely words. Most are programmed to say the words. The challenge is to "show" gratitude. Actions always speak louder than words. Always offer service people a beverage when working in your home, always give a generous gratuity, always demonstrate your appreciation. Always.
I also think that when we are feeling gratitude from our hearts, it will show in our tone. A perfunctory thank you is different than an enthusiastic one, you know?
Absolutely! ...I am enthusiastically thankful for your blog 🙂
Agree completely! Expressing gratitude is free and practically effortless. I thank the cashier when they hand me my receipt AND the bagger when I pass them. 'Just doing their job', yes, but I *appreciate* them doing their job! I've also hopped to the end to bag my food and got 'thank you, I'm in the weeds' from the bagger who is trying to cover 3 lines. I thank my kids when they do something 'they're EXPECTED to do' like bring their laundry to the laundry room. lol People who don't think gratitude doesn't need to be expressed confuse me. Maybe they don't 'feel' it? To me, it's 'I SEE you'. It might be 'just doing your job', but thank you for doing it!
100% agree.
My partner often tells me "you don't need to thank me" when he does something for me and I say thank you. I reply "I don't need to, but I want to. I appreciate that you got me that cup of coffee. Why on earth would I be more polite to strangers out in the world than I am to the people that I love. I will always say thank you and I mean it."
When my kids were home, I would thank them for taking out the trash and what not as well. My son told me once "That used to really annoy me. You told me to take out the trash, then you said thank you. But I get it now why you do that. It's niced to be thanked."
One contributing factor to my marriage ending was the feeling of being taken for granted. A simple "Oh, thank you for making dinner. It was good." would have gone a long way to help with that.
Saying "thank you" not only validate the act of the person on the receiving end, but it also reminds the person giving the thanks our to be appreciative and grateful. I make a point of thanking co-workers, families, friends and strangers.
I've been thanked at work mutiple times for doing my job. No specific example, but it tells me that people appreciate my efforts and that feels pretty good :).
I was raised to say thank you. That was cemented in me when my mother bought a restaurant and I was suddenly in the public eye (in a very small town) when I was just entering my teens. Being grateful for our customers was essential.
On a related note, by example, a friend taught me to teach my toddler son to answer, "yes, please" or "no thank you" whenever asked if he wanted something or wanted to do something. As a 31 year old, I still hear him answering in that manner. And I love it.
I am definitely someone who thanks people. I generally appreciate what people have done for me. I always make sure to thank the flight attendants as i'm getting off of the flight, and tell them I hope the rest of their day goes well. It's interesting, because sometimes they comment how infrequently they hear that, which means, as they are standing their thanking people & saying goodbye, people often walk right in front of them & ignore them! I've tried to model this habit for DS18 & DS19, and they are both generally pretty polite, with DS19 being a bit more so. DS18 is also polite, but sometimes a bit more in his own world, which I try to remind him to step out of & be more aware of the world around him.
Interesting. I have never encountered anyone thinking that there is no reason to thank someone doing a service or something for you because it is their job. I've never heard anyone say it and have never come across it online.
Thankfully.
Thank you for being a light so needed in our world. I have to think that fostering gratitude in the hospital helps people heal a little faster!
"entitlement resistance"! I like it, I love it,I want some more of it and I am so stealing it! 🥰
I am also on the thank you band wagon. It is such a small but powerful way to spread goodness in a world that needs every tiny drop it can get. Tidal waves are made up of tiny drops. I hope for a FG thank you tidal wave! It would be interesting to report back in with our observations. Kristen?
Okay, note to self - do not reply to Kristen before reading the Commentariat's replies. Of course there is already a tidal wave coming from this community! THANK YOU ALL for being your wonderful, thoughtful, kind, and generous selves.❤️
I have been thinking a lot about these two quotes:
"Life is short. We don't have much time to gladden the hearts of those who walk this way with us. So, be swift to love and make haste to be kind."
Henri-Frédéric Amiel
"we should be careful
Of each other, we should be kind
While there is still time."
Philip Larkin (excerpt from the poem The Mower, which is worth a read!)
As a parent, I have also thought a lot about what qualities are most important for me to instill in my children. And kindness is near or possibly at the top.
And speaking of giving thanks, thank you Kristen for using your voice to speak out for kindness and compassion.
Carla G, may I add a third quote to your list? This one comes from a Scottish theologian named John Baillie, addressing his students many years ago: "Always be kindly, gentlemen, for every man you meet is carrying a secret burden which he can't lay down--and sometimes its weight makes him cry out unreasonably." Update the language to include people of all gender identities, and I think this is a good basis for living.
Also a great one! Thanks for sharing.
Yes! I'm in the always day Thank You camp. If my life was made in anyway a bit better, I want to show gratitude. If someone tries and even if not able to resolve, a Thank you for trying, goes a long way in just acknowledging people are doing their best.
A silly illustration but it makes your point: during Covid, I decided to let my hair go gray, and I get sooo many compliments on my silver now. It always encourages me and brightens my day, so I have made it a point to not just NOTICE when someone has great hair/a great outfit/a beautiful smile but to TELL them I noticed. You never know how it may change their day! Of course, I also make it a point to comment on things other than looks, but you get my drift. Everyone likes to be told they look great!
I also try to encourage people who seem to be having rough day by saying "You're doing a great job!" or "I appreciate you." or "Thanks for taking the time to help me." We all need to practice and PERFECT the "art of noticing".
Oh, yes, yes, yes, agreed here too. It takes so little time to send out little compliments as you move through your day, but it can really add a happy little sparkle to someone else's day!
I was a master teacher. This was my piece of advice for newbies:
If you have used your many skills to contain, diffuse and then re direct an especially defiant student while keeping a class of 30 on task, then you look into the eyes of the now compliant student and say from the deepest part of your soul, "Thank you so much."
Many newbies are outraged. They say, "I am thanking a student for stealing ten minutes of my time." I say, "No, you are thanking them for saving you another thirty minutes of h&^%."
Also saying thank for for listening and working with you at a challenging time.
On a purely pragmatic basis, it might help keep the student on track in the future.
When I grew up, manners were the first thing we were taught and the first thing we practiced when we went out in public with our parents. It was ingrained in us so much that it has been a nearly rote response for me all my life and I don't even need to think about saying thank you, it just pops out.
In fact, back in the day, I expected kindness in return (manners entitlement?) so when I'd hold a door for someone and they'd walk through without thanking me, I would loudly say "you're welcome!" Please don't point out how passive/aggressive that is, thank you! 😊
Sometimes (usually very rarely, but it happens) there is a very good reason that someone is not told thank you: The one thing I can't stand is people saying "you're welcome" without being thanked. Case in point: a mediocre waitress in a roadside diner, who we had to repeatedly remind to bring us something such as our forks, our food (it was in the window 15 min. and she never got it until we said something) and our checks (we were traveling out of town and she was making us super late). After we finally finished, the server throws the check on the table, and when we get up to leave, sneers "you're welcome." SMH. We did not thank her because she was too busy flirting with the businessmen (even leaning over the lunch counter in a provocative manner) and rudely ignoring us women dining alone without any menfolk; the place was not very busy and she truly did not deserve our thanks. (Or for that matter, a tip, although we left a small one. Anything over a penny was 100% too much IMO. She was that bad!) My dining companion, who also happened to be my boss, called the manager over and told him how rude the waitress was! When we were in the parking lot, Boss Lady even wondered aloud whether the disgusting waitress was lining up tricks for that evening.
Oh my goodness, I was reading through the comments backward and left a comment about this and THEN I saw yours. Ha. I completely agree about the manners entitlement because I believe having good manners is about expecting a certain kind of behavior from yourself, not from others.
No judgment from me; I also cringe at some things I have done in the past! But when we know better, we do better, and that's all we can expect of ourselves!
I will admit the door thing bothers me too! I don't know why, but it just does. Maybe because so many now just let it slam in your face.
I want to say a big thank you to those city workers and electrical linemen and first responders who are all working out in the horrible icy weather to make sure we have water, power and cleared roadways, not to mention being there when there is an emergency!
Also thanks to Kristen and NCA Katy and all the folks in the Commentariat-- your posts and comments have kept me sane during this time of having to stay indoors during the winter storm.
And to the friend who phoned to make sure I was OK. It feels funny to realize that, at age 70, it's ME who is the elderly person others are checking on. (It's a role reversal: I used to check on this friend's mother when she was alive, living a few blocks away, and the friend/her daughter was living 4 states away.)
Oooh yes I always want to give the electrical linemen a hug when they come to restore my power!
My mother would bring them coffee! And offer a sandwich. She was adamant about thanking and feeding workmen, inside or outside. I’ve always followed her good example in this regard.
When doing the right thing also serves your own interests, why wouldn't you do it? I know that not saying it can be a power play but mostly that's not necessary. On a purely selfish and pragmatic basis, saying thank you will get you better service not only this time but next time as well.
That's not the reason I say it yet I'm aware of this effect.
Example 1, when someone said it to me.
At the end of a trip, my parents needed me to take a motorized mobility scooter and a checked bag back with me, which was going to be a significant logistical challenge. Given my family dynamics I had no choice but to take them. One parent said "you're going to take these with you." The other said "I know it's going to be a problem but can you please take these with you? I'd really appreciate it." Guess which method got the better result?
Example 2, when I said it to someone.
Well, it was more than just thank you but it really wasn't much. There was a heat wave the week my roof was replaced. I told them I appreciated their being there in the heat, kept them supplied with ice and let them know they could rest in the garage if it got too hot or during lunch. Next time I needed roof work, I had my pick of the best team.
I have often thought this about the few minutes it takes to establish some rapport with a patient early in the day. It is the kind, considerate thing to do, of course, but ALSO it usually results in a day full of good cooperation between nurse and patient. It's pretty efficient when you look at it that way!
This! So true! In my role, I am often the first therapist that my patients interact with. If they have a good experience with me, there is a strong likelihood that any other therapist walking in the room will have a more cooperative patient. I try to set up my coworkers for success, saying something like, "Jane from PT will be coming in later today, to work on balance and mobility with you. She's fantastic, you're gonna love working with her". It does take longer to establish rapport initially, but I have found that subsequent sessions are much more efficient as a result, whether it's me or another clinician caring for the patient.
In a similar vein, I have learned that listening to complaints by patients/families is time-consuming, but not as time-consuming as blowing off their concerns. I won't claim 100% success, but I have found that listening, and coming up with at least one tangible way to respond to their concerns, tends to de-escalate situations. Thanking them for talking with me is an important part of that.
I think that you and I would enjoy working together, Kristen! 🙂
When workers come to my house, I offer them cold bottled water/cold drinks (in summer) or hot coffee/tea/chocolate (in winter). I also have "tipped" them using gift cards (to nearby fast food places, mostly, so they could have free lunches) or other items. When my former roommate left, she had ordered tons of AA and AAA batteries -- apparently forgetting that she'd already ordered a case, she bought more -- and I gave some away to the handyman and cleaning lady. Once, I remember giving them the batteries around Christmas, knowing they had small children in their households -- which meant Santa was likely to leave battery-operated toys. Last summer, one of the roofers said he had a wood-burning stove for winter use, so I happily let him cart off a pile of thick oak limbs, trimmed from the trees, that was otherwise going into the trash. Bet he used 'em this week!
At our church we take turns leading the service -- announcing hymns, reading Scripture, etc. Whenever I do this the pastor always sends a thank you note to my home. I was surprised by the first one -- after all, this is just part of contributing to the congregation. But now I really look forward to those notes.
Saying thank you is such a small thing, but it can have a big impact.
Thank you, Kristen! Love this post and I'm looking forward to reading all the comments. I am a thank you sprinkler, more like a fire hydrant! I say it all day long, to anyone and everyone, including my husband and dog. Just before bed, I place my hands on my heart and say, "thank you for this day, I am so grateful." It's harder to do when the day has sucked, but I'm always glad to have experienced another day, especially since many of those who have died before me would likely have appreciated another day, and they didn't get the chance.
This is so me, too. I thank the good Lord each and every day for the day that just passed and ask him for another. I say thank you many times each day. I am one to compliment others frequently as I know how good it feels when I am complimented by others. Today, my co-worker just told me I should be the P.R. person at our office. He observed how I was with a delivery driver and said you're the best one in our office in speaking with people. I thanked him for the compliment 🙂
I have a bit of energy today MB so am reading comments. I want to thank you for reminding who/whatever organizes the universe that I appreciated the chance to spend another day with the husband. I am not a believer in an afterlife but if there is one, I want to give that being recognition that it was a gift to give me another day.
While I am at it, the person I thanked one time who told me no one ever had thanked him was the village honeybucket man. The toilet plumbing in that village of about 200 people was you used a bucket. The guy came around on some sort of schedule and from the back of the honeybucket room opened a door, pulled out the bucket and replaced it with a new clean one. Without him we would all have been literally up shit's creek. He always smelled vaguely of poop, even when I saw him after work at the store. I was so very thankful someone was willing to do the job; as far as I am concerned, a six figure income would not have been too much to take on that job!!
This past Monday (was that only 2 days ago? seems like a lifetime) I was saying "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you" to my "Kennel Guy" and my "Garage Guy" because my garage door was frozen shut after a weekend snowfall, meaning I could not get my car out of the garage. I had to get my dog to her grooming appointment! I called the kennel and the manager drove to my house to pick up the dog, and said he's be happy to return her if I needed. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! And then I texted my Garage Guy who installed a new overhead garage door opener for me a few years ago and he rearranged his entire schedule to get over here in the early afternoon. He thought perhaps the spring had broken but, no. The garage door was stuck to the garage floor because the rubber lining at the bottom had frozen. He managed to open the door manually, reprogram the overhead door opener, scraped the frozen rubber off the garage floor, and sprinkled my container of iodized salt on the floor to keep it from refreezing. The charge? Just $25. So I was able to pick up the dog at the groomer later that afternoon. The cost of her haircut and pedicure (pawdicure?) and shampoo and set? Two and a half times the garage service call. But she's worth it!
Kristen I could not agree more. When I was a floor nurse my team always said thank you. I was very intentional with my CNA and thanking them all the time. So many told me they had never been thanked for the work they do. My response was if you work with me I will tell you thank you 50 times during our shift.
Think about growing up and your family never said those simple words! It would be very hard to hear that and accept that in a work setting. But this is part of being kind too.
Thank yous come easily to me. Sometimes I wonder if I throw them around too much but your post reaffirms that I don't.
My favorite thank you came from my daughter when she was preschool age, so maybe 3 years old. I bought her some pajamas and for some reason, the sincerity in her "thank you, mama - I love them so much" and sweet hug is making me tear up now, ten years later. That tiny little girl was truly moved by me getting her these little leopard print jammies (I don't know why - I bought her clothes all the time), and that moved me.
Years ago I managed a large department of claims processors and as the Director, I would send out email messages we'd receive from our policy holders to help remind them that what they do truly helps and impacts people. I titled the emails "Thoughts from a Policyholder." When I was promoted to a position and left the department, I wrote an email thanking my employees and called it "Thoughts from a Director" and the emails I got back were so kind. My favorite was one from an employee who said "You made a difference." Fifteen years later, I still remember that and feel proud.
I'm a big fan of thank you's! I'm also a big fan of the little thank you wave when someone behind the wheel extends courtesy to me, either when I'm a pedestrian or a fellow motorist. My husband and I thank each other all the time for doing the dishes, making dinner, going grocery shopping - the list is almost endless. I think it's one of the small things that makes our marriage a good one. It's nice to feel appreciated!
We like the courtesy wave too! The road is the place you see lack of manners big time.
Yes to the courtesy wave for sure. My DH does it and is always dismayed when we don’t get one when we’ve extended a courtesy on the road.
I always keep in mind a quote: "No one is above common courtesy." Saying "thank you", "have a good/nice day", "I really appreciate it", is always a good thing. You may be the only person who says that to the other person all day!
Oh man do I agree with today's post. Thank You! I say it anywhere and everywhere, especially to folks who let me pass on the sidewalk. I use a wheelchair and sometimes it's like I am completely invisible in a narrow space. Not saying please and thank you is as saddening to me as the folks who are rude when they travel under the guise of "I'm never coming back here so why bother."
While I can not come up with a special motivational moment for myself (I tend to be more self-motivated), my husband has a client facing role and really appreciates when people notice he gave them good advice. Much better than the "Hey, yo, do this for me"...
I like to thank people, beause it helps to build long term relations. The guy where I put my car for inspection? Had 2 simple suggestions to optimize the test results.(My car past and I did not have to come back and spend extra money. He sure did not have to do that!) 2 years later I was there again, remembering him and thanking him again. You could tell he was happy, just like that. Simple.
People who do good work are encouraged to keep going (because sometimes it`s hard) when you tell them honestly that you like their work.
So add to the thank you`s maybe that`s really nice/a good solution/looks great/wow, that was fast and good... your face won`t turn to stone, I promise.
I do not know where it comes from, but some people see beeing rude as a power move. It isn`t. It is just, remember I am 56, bad behaviour. Even if you did not have good role models in your past, don`t blame your education or anything. If you can`t hold a standard of politeness or conduct, that is on you once you are a grown person.
Oh, and I hold a special place for people that treat service personal as below them.
You do not even know how much power these people hold over you until something breaks and you are put at the end of the list and then are sent someone who does the least best job.
Kristen, thank you for everything you wrote in your last post!
Thank you for your column! Thank you for the invaluable work you do! Thank you for caring about our fellow humans! Thank you for yesterday’s post! I too am a thanker. In fact, I have caught myself on more than one occasion thanking Alexa 😄.
Does Alexa return the thanks? 😉
Kristen, you're the best and you're on the right track.
You can absolutely rewire your brain with gratitude.medical schools have entire centers of research and study of the gratitude effect. Being thankful lights up the reward processis, improves heart health, balances the fight or flight response and boosts the immune system.
I have real world examples of this working. I was raised by an incredibly smart dad who always stayed humble and thankful. My uncle always had the attitude of I am better than you and I have never heard gratitude from him. My cousin, who is a plumber has a few clients who are just complainers, so he charges a gratitude fee. He will answer your call, but if you are demanding, the fee is 10%.
In my family we have the gratitude chain, we family text a good thing we observed at the end of the day.
I raised my kids to thank everyone, one foster child had come from a hellish situation and as she was working thru her struggles, she would act out because she was used to negative affirmation. After the teacher or assistant would set her aside in the quiet desk, she would thank them. The teacher asked her why and she said Momma Beg (me) says thank you to everyone. She is now in college and Wants to be a school counselor or therapist. Proud!
Yes! My token shirt that I wear at work under my uniform scrubs says “Be Kind” and I thank everyone I work with because everyone plays a role in patient care.
On the contrary--I think that expressing gratitude is a great way to change the vibe of the bigger problems facing our world today. The ripple effect of showing up with gratitude, kindness, and helpfulness is greater than we think it is.
A friend of mine who was in her 70s died unexpectedly last summer. She was a leader in our church, and she thanked me when I addressed something concerning that I had seen occuring. It meant so much to me that she was listening with an open mind and spirit, and that she encouraged me to speak up. When I attended her funeral, the church was packed, and there was story after story of how she used her grateful, kind skills with everyone she met. I had thought of her as an unofficial mentor, and I think that many others did, as well. In a world where selfishness seems to be at the forefront, it's refreshing to know that love is stronger.
I am a genuinely thankful person , and am always trying to say "thank you" -- whether a cashier at the store, someone opens door for me, or a friend drops off food. As someone else commented, good manners are FREE, and I'd like to add that "kindness is contagious"
Hi. I'm a long time reader and I never comment but I felt I should share this. My husband always cleans the snow off my car in the mornings. He accidentally broke my drivers side wiper, which meant I had to run to an auto-parts store before work (he had to drive our daughter to school or else he would have taken care of it). He felt terrible, I was not upset, he was being kind. I bought the wiper and had no idea how to put it on. The guy at the store was the only one working so he couldn't assist. I drove next door to Midas and asked for help. The manager (who we both know a little) put it on and didn't charge me anything. I profusely thanked him and went on my way. My husband got them all donuts on his way back home to say thank you for helping me. He said the managers face absolutely lit up at being thought of like that (this is a guy who NEVER smiles). It was such a nice cycle of gratitude and thankfulness and both my husband and I felt so good paying it forward.
I had to share this phrase that my Great Granny embroidered and I turned into a throw pillow for the girl's room. "Gratitude is the dwelling place of peace, and joy is a frequent visitor". The other one is one I made " May your kindness live rent free in all you encounter". The other one is bit sneakier "Do not ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness." ~Dalai Lama
Well said, Kristen. I can't imagine NOT thanking people who are providing a service to me, no matter if they're getting paid to do it or not. My DH and I have gotten in the habit of thanking each other for doing various tasks and chores - for example, he takes care of getting our son to music lessons, to doctor's and dentist's appointments, because he has a much more flexible work schedule than I do. I do more of the "everyday" chores, like laundry and house cleaning. We do help each other out when something comes up and the other parent (me) has to, say, take our son to an appointment, or a household chore needs to be done. Sometimes he will tell me "you probably don't think I realize you take care of [xyz chore], but I do, and I appreciate that you do it".
As a hospital dietitian, when a patient thanks me for whatever I've been able to do for them, it makes my day.
I'm the children's director for something in our county and it's a volunteer role. It's also a big role. I never expected to be thanked for doing it, but I remember one of the first times someone said, "Wow. That's a big job. Thank you for doing that." It came at a time that I felt like I was drowning because there was so much to do, I wanted it to do it well, and it was my first year, so a lot of it was new. I felt like I had been drinking from a fire hydrant. That other person's comment made me feel so validated, valued, and seen. I really do love the role and it's a great fit for my skill set. But it also feels great when people are appreciative.
I always say please & thankyou,be it when our maintenance man fixes something for me,a held door or the drive up teller at the bank.
I was raised that way,I raised my kids that way too.
I love this post. I have been in the hospital since Monday surviving a very serious condition by the skin of my teeth. You better believe I have thanked every single person I have seen here because not only are they saving my life (even if they are just emptying the trash can in my room), but they braved an ice storm to do it! And since I have been here, I have noticed how polite and kind the staff are to each other. It must make it a nice place to work.
My husband and I have always been in the habit of thanking each other for all the little things we do for each other. I think it goes along with our general practices of giving each other the benefit of the doubt and not getting crabby with each other when we are just in a bad mood. We have such a wonderful and happy marriage, and I am sure that is part of it.
I hope you feel better soon.
I agree! Regarding your first P.S. - I've been married for almost 32 years. Very shortly after our wedding, my husband brought me a glass of iced tea and I thanked him. He responded by saying: "We're married now, you don't have to say thank you." Ummm, nope, sorry. Yes, I do. I told him that I couldn't imagine not saying thank you and I certainly expected him to continue to say thank you to me as well. Thankfully, he has. 😊
I'm sure you already know but happy National Blueberry Pancake Day
https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day/national-blueberry-pancake-day-january-28
Just today I sent off a little text to encourage a friend,after she went through a rough week with her husband’s surgery.It was nothing much,really, but she shot me back a “thank you” and I felt so warm all over.. like I think she felt loved a little extra for a minute, because I sent the text.. and thanked me!!And that made ME feel good. Such a small way to make the world a better place.Also, I SAY THANK YOU , A LOT!!
I am soo absolutely GRATEFUL for every single little good thing that happens to me.. this world is big.. huge..and complicated.. but a few small things that happen in my day can make me smile.When we stay mentally healthy ourselves, we can help the world heal.I believe this with all my heart.
My husband and I have a caregiver five days a week. She told me the other day that even if she were offered a job closer to her home she wouldn’t take it. She said she’s never been thanked so much by a client as she has by us. I was stunned. She is kind and thoughtful and I deeply appreciate her help. She says it is rare to have clients who don’t fuss and complain.
I'm a big thank you -er (and tip-er - not such a big thing in the UK) but I'm also not a driver. So I always make sure I thank the bus driver before I get off the bus and cars when they stop for me at a crossing. Especially if they don't want to stop as I want them to see it's not a bad thing to stop for pedestrians so perhaps in future they'll willingly stop!
I have been thinking about this since yesterday. I say thank you to nearly everybody-- cashiers at grocery stores, drive thru people, anybody who helps me find things in stores, baristas (or broistas as they call them at Dutch Brothers ROFLMBO!!), of course all tradespeople who come to my house to fix things or even give me advise, my co-workers when I ask them to do something for me, etc etc. And for it's not some knee jerk reaction or a rote thing. They are generally doing something that makes my life easier or more pleasant or they are fixing something that's been giving me fits for days. I value them, I value their skills, and even if I am paying them saying thank you is just second nature for me
Timely Tip! Practicing an attitude of gratitude keeps me right-sized, as well as sharing "a cup of cold water" with people on whom I am increasingly dependent -- (realizing I always have been!) Saying thank you to God for all those people for whose real help over the years maybe I wasn't so grateful or kind --This keeps me focused on His very real help throughout my life.
I totally agree that while it is not necessary, it just makes sense as one human being to another to say "Thank you". I even say it to nonhelpful CS reps (and that is hard to do and no, I'm not being sincere, but it's my actual way of insulting them...it's more a "Southern 'bless you' " when someone is doing nothing that they are supposed to.
The one challenge is how many times do you say thank you when you are dealing with say someone in your home (family, friend, etc.). I have a friend who is like: Ok, enough. You don't have to thank me every time.
But I don't feel you can over thank someone.
Sometimes we do forget, particularly in tough situations (pain, problem unresolved, we are bewildered and overwhelmed).
I don't think we should seek or expect thank yous to ourselves, for example, in every instance. Sometimes gratitude goes unexpressed in the moment. Sometimes people simply forget but they may say something else like "Oh, that makes such a difference." or the like. You can usually tell if someone forgets whether or not it is someone who is just thoughtless or someone just forgot in the moment.
Kids today seem to say "Appreciate" rather than "thank you" and that is just fine, too.
The day of written, printed or handwritten thank you cards seems to be gone, but often we get an email. And I do post a lot of thank yous online to content producers of various things that I see/read/watch online. It is a lot of work to get stuff produced and uploaded not to mention when it is people providing needed information.
As has been said, it costs nothing and it can make a world of difference.
We had a zoom meeting yesterday and one of the participants came up with a really well done, heartfelt contribution. I emailed her afterwards to say thank you (as well as in the chat, which she did not see) and she was thrilled that I felt what she said was so good and helpful. It didn't take a minute to acknowledge her as the incredible source of information that she shares from her vast experience (We call her The Oracle and some other nicknames as she is an incredible source of needed info in our advocacy group.)
If I'm honest, there are definitely times when a simple thank you is wanted. I am very generous with a few people in my life and it would be nice to be acknowledged for that, although I don't do it to get that feedback. I just want to share something or do something, unsolicited. But you do like to be acknowledged in some way. I'd be lying if I said it hurts when a few folks don't say anything but I do believe they are grateful but just forgetful in the moment. These are folks I interact with all the time. Strangers are for sure more likely to not say anything.
I feel good when I genuinely thank someone. And, like Kristen said, there are times when you are sooooo grateful that someone just showed up. Yes, it may be someone's job but come on, some people really do go out of their way to do their jobs. Like my super, who literally came within a half hour of reporting a leak and spent two hours fixing it and getting parts. (Anyone who doesn't go all out to thank the staff of an apartment building, even if you tip for any work and during the year and end of year, is just not using their head. Even if you don't mean it, say thank you. You lose nothing by doing so and lose a lot by not acknowledging their help.)
I have to say I am more conscious of saying thank you because of the help I often need as I am in a wheelchair. (Multiple thank yous to the bus drivers who help you on a bus, for example. Even if they are the kind that are not especially nice, and act put out, when they do what is required of them (strap you in and take off the straps and do the ramps for you to get on and off). Again, thank you even if they begrudge me, because they did it. (For sure it is their legal responsibility to strap you in as to not do so, puts the bus company in jeopardy and the driver would lose his/her job if we sued.)
A sincere thank you is best but even when we are not as sincere, still say it.
You have nothing to lose by verbalizing even the smallest amount of appreciation.
100% agreed, I love this! Thank you for sharing.
I am not sure it has occurred to me to say thank you after a blood draw but I will definitely start now! I am a teacher and at my previous school, it was part of the culture that kids would say/call out "Thank you!" as they were packing up or leaving the room and I miss it so much! It's a little thing but it felt like such a pick-me-up that kept me motivated throughout the day. At my current school, many students don't even acknowledge my "good morning"s, and it makes such a difference.
It costs nothing to be kind. I say thank you to everyone- Amazon delivery drivers, gas station clerks, my students (“hey, we already did this activity yesterday” lol), my kids, my husband, my friends.
I often make a point of saying thank you to store workers, restaurant servers etc., but this last few days I have been more mindful to do this.
Me and hubby went out on Saturday for a pay-day treat by going out for lunch. The place we chose was really busy with a queue to get a seat. Thank fully that wasn't a problem for us. The hostess who was seating the line was doing a great job and I said thank you as she seated us and made a point of saying thank you when we left.
Within seconds of us leaving the café (in a garden centre) she followed us out, asked if we enjoyed lunch and had a lovely conversation with us giving tips on the quieter times for us to go back.
I don't think we would have had this informative interaction if I hadn't made a point to say thank you on the way out. It put both of us in a positive mood and eager to go back at a quieter time.
I am working on being more mindful of thanking people especially if they are doing their job.
I love ‚entitlement resistance’!
I have come into the habit of thanking train personnel here in the NL recently for the magnificent carriage combinations they put on the rails for us. Often, as I approach the train one or two uniformed drivers will stand on the edge of the platform.
Sometimes, they feel the need to check first if I mean it. But it is just wonderful that there are luxurious trains every 10-15 minutes in whatever direction I want to travel. Once I explain that, they usually accept the thank you gracefully 🤗.