Whenever my sister-in-law and I do a stereotypically male task, that’s what we say.
She lays flooring, calls me, and says, “I didn’t need whiskers to do that.”
I fix my dryer, call her, and say, “No whiskers necessary!”
This phrase was inspired by hearing one too many women say things like, “Oh, I’ve been waiting for Bill to paint the front porch railing for months, and I just wish he would get around to it!”
Whenever I hear something like that, I always think to myself, “Um, you don’t operate a paintbrush with your whiskers. Go buy a paintbrush and do it yourself!”
For some reason, we women often think that we are just incapable of doing things like that.
And men sometimes think that way too about stereotypically female tasks.
You know my squeaky dryer issue that I thought I fixed with some lube? Well, it started squeaking again so I re-oiled it, and after a month of quiet, it squeaked AGAIN and it was getting awfully loud this time.
So, I opened up the dryer, expecting to lube it, but I discovered rusty metal dust all over the inside of my dryer, and upon inspection, I realized that the inside of the wheel I’d lubed had been slowly disintegrating.
See how much larger the hole is in the right one?
Obviously, it was time for a new wheel set. I called the fabulous repairman who replaced my washer’s transmission recently, and he said that oiling a squeaky wheel is just a super temporary fix (my experience bears that out!) and actually makes the problem worse in the long run.
Whoops.
Anyway, he told me of a local shop to visit for the parts.
When I walked in and told the guy behind the counter what I needed, he doubtfully eyed me up and down and asked if I was doing this job myself.
Ha.
I assured him that my dryer and I are quite familiar with each other and that I’d already taken the dryer apart that morning.
(Thank you, YouTube. So many great appliance tutorials!)
He was out of the kit, which includes wheels, a belt, and a roller assembly, but after some discussion, I realized I didn’t actually need the roller assembly, so he just sold me a belt and the two wheels a la carte.
Yay!
The belt had some visible shredding and wear on it, so I thought it would be smart to replace it while I had the dryer apart.
Once I had the parts, it only took me about 15 minutes to install them and put the dryer back together.
(I’d already cleaned up all the rusty dust that morning.)
So, my dryer is now running smoothly.
Even though I don’t have whiskers.
Don’t get me wrong: there are certainly things I can’t do just because I lack size or physical strength.
And I definitely don’t think it’s wrong to depend on your spouse for things.
I just think that we shouldn’t assume that tasks should always be dedicated to one sex or the other.
We don’t want men to assume that they are unable to shop or cook or soothe a baby or have a heart-to-heart conversation just because they are men, right?
So in the same way, I don’t think we women should decide that it is impossible for us to take on typically male tasks.
Even if the appliance parts guy doubts us. 
Well, my brother has a full moustache and need someone to explain to him what end of the screwdriver to use. My father is pretty much the same way. His excuse is always “No one ever showed me how!” There are a lot of things I can’t do or are important enought that I want them done right and obviously want them to code where I will hire a professional but there are plenty of things that most anyone can do themselves if they have the right tools and a YouTube video.
If I can replace a toilet, electrical outlet, swap out the capacitors in a dead LCD monitor and replace the cabin filter in my car, you can too.
This is especially true in the age of the internet. There are so many helpful tutorials available for free online! You really can learn almost anything you want.
Seriously! I’ve been getting back into electronics after a long haitus (mostly repairing some vintage game systems) and it’s so awesome to have experts who have written everything out for me on a website.
And yet, Internet nothwithstanding, I have had to caulk my tub 3 times. OTOH, the pro who first installed it had to recaulk as well.
Caulk in tubs is difficult…you have to use a certain kind, let it dry for so long before using the tub, etc.
And I think no matter how good a job you do, caulk just has to be replaced after a certain amount of time. Moisture isn’t kind to it!
So, you do know the trick of filling the tub with water before you caulk? Apparently it’s easier to get a good seal when the tub is settled to its lowest point.
I didn’t! My main trouble with caulking was when our shower had cheapie plastic sides, which moved. Ugh. Once we replaced that with tile, the caulk has been ok. The tub is a super old heavy iron one, so it definitely didn’t move much. I bet the water trick really helps with the new, lighter tubs, though.
Thank you for this! It helped me diagnose my squeaky wheel problem AND gave me the confidence to try this on my own. (I unfortunately had to have the hubby help because I have an injury that prevents me from lifting right now!)
He was quite impressed that I had diagnosed it and got the parts on my own!
Before I had kids, I used to do most of the “male” chores here: stacking wood, mowing the lawns with the riding mower, stacking fire wood, starting the water pump on the beach to fill the cisterns . . . Once I had kids, though, those things got a lot more difficult to do because they mostly require being outside in bad weather or with dangerous machines or whatever. A more rural lifestyle does highlight why some tasks are traditionally male and some traditionally female: the “female” tasks are easier to do with kids in tow.
My husband has forgotten I can do these things, and most of the time I don’t remind him.
But if we run out of water, I am still capable of starting the water pump. Usually.
I love this!! When I was single I always felt so accomplished when I did things that are typically “boy activities”. I’ve replaced a garbage disposal, installed siding, replaced the innards of a toilet and have taken my washing machine apart. I am now married and my husband tells me that he loves me a little more that I can (and am willing to fix things). I’ll be honest though, its nice to have him around for the heavy lifting
Good job Kristen!
My rule is that for tasks that I don’t want to do either someone else in the family does or we hire out (or it doesn’t get done because nobody cares). Just because I *can* mop the floor doesn’t mean I should. Because I hate mopping.
Personally, painting the deck is on that list. I’ve painted decks before I have no desire to do so again.
Also, I should say that fixing stuff is cool. And youtube tutorials rock.
I find myself saying things like that just because my husband has called dibs on a project and I don’t want to step on his toes. There are some things, usually that require a certain level of strength, that he is better suited to do, but I’ve done my fair share of plumbing, electrical, painting, and assembling.
When I was in middle school I remember waiting for a girl’s father to light her birthday candles. When I realized it wasn’t a sentimental thing, I offered to light the candles myself. They were shocked that a girl would light candles. Mind blowing.
Huh. I’ve never heard of candle-lighting being a male task. Very interesting.
Mr. FG always lights the birthday candles but that is because I am always taking pictures.
Good for you! I’m the fixer in our house – for some reason my brain can wrap itself around what should be done and how it should happen better than my engineer husband’s does. I can just “see” it better, especially when dealing with the innards of appliances and electrical situations. My most impressive (but also the easiest) job was replacing the ballast in our kitchen fluorescent light fixture when we got tired of working in the dark and couldn’t get a hold of the handyman. Thanks, You Tube! Like your experience, the guy at Home Depot didn’t really believe me when I knew exactly what part I needed. LOL
The inside of my dryer has that exact same color stain in the exact same place as yours, Kristen. Weird.
In my house, I generally am the fixer while my hubby is the muscle! My hubby once a small bookshelf together so badly that I returned it to Walmart still half assembled. Thankfully they took it back. The thing was put together backwards and upside down!
My father always encouraged me to try to fix things. He would say, “Well, you already need a repairman,” meaning I couldn’t make the problem any worse by trying to fix it!
I’ve always been stymied by plumbing, though. I was barely able to install a diaper sprayer, and then I couldn’t get it off when we moved (succeeded only in incapacitating the toilet) and I had to call a handyman the time I tried to take the tank off a toilet to remove wallpaper. I couldn’t get the bolts out. Sigh.
I did, however, successfully replace a snap on my bike trailer, which required researching the fastener types and the types of installation tools and then using a hammer, press tool, and mini “anvil.”
I don’t do plumbing either. I’m pretty sure I could, but I don’t have any interest in it!
And that’s so true about what your dad said. It’s why I like to refashion old garments instead of sewing new ones, and why I paint old furniture. It’s already messed up, so there’s no where to go but up, generally speaking.
That’s how I felt about painting my walls – the professional painters did such a lousy job I was unlikely to do worse. FG you would faint: paint brush marks on the toe molding, didn’t remove the tape, didn’t paint lintel tops, ghu knows what else that I don’t know to look for.
OTOH, that does mean that when I found myself doing something as they did it, I don’t know if I’m doing it right or wrong.
We’re totally guilty of the other side of this too. All of the “female” chores (ironing, laundry, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids ready for school, bathing the kids, changing diapers, etc) my husband and I split evenly. The only thing we designate is I plan the menu and make the grocery list, and he goes to the store. It works for us but it confuses the heck out of our super traditional parents. Neither of our dads even know how to work the washing machine or turn on the oven. Yikes!
I used to say that my Dad would die of starvation with a can of food and a canopener in front of him!
In my case, the issue isn’t gender but heritage. I grew up in a family who called people rather than fixing things. I now enjoy knowing how to fix things but that doesn’t mean I always do it.
The Internet failed me, though, with my dishwasher. There are many descriptions of how to fix the problem but they make no sense to me at all. OTOH it doesn’t clean very well, requiring that the dishes be all but washed before being washed, so I want to replace it anyway.
Ours did that and we thought there was maybe a blockage, so we took it apart, cleaned out all the “tubes” and put it back together and it worked properly. But the weird thing is that we didn’t find any large blockage or anything!
It may not be your dishwasher. A few years ago all phosphates were taken out of dishwasher and laundry soaps. Phosphate replacements really don’t work especially if you have hard water and “water efficient” machines. (we have both)My brand new energy efficient dishwasher was leaving the dishes dirtier than they went in as well as leaving a horrible white film (due to the hard water). I did a little research and found that Professional Cascade (I purchased at Gordon Food Services, not available in regular stores) did the trick. It took about a week to get the white film off the dishes, but they came out clean after their dishwasher run.
Oh! I LOVE this! Right on!
My husband grew up in a home where you call the repairman. I grew up in a home of handymen who let the curious little girl hang around. A couple months into our marriage, I still remember my husband looking at me incredulously when he clogged the garbage disposal with carrot peels and I said he got to fix it. That terrified him, but after internet research we solved the problem together. Since then we’ve tackled all kinds of dyi project and his confidence is building greatly.
I totally know the feeling! I’m a private pilot, and I flew myself to Palm Springs once when I was 6 months pregnant with my son. I taxi to parking, shut down the plane, hop out, and was working on getting chocks and chains on when the line guys drive up and say, “Hey, the pilot is supposed to do that? Who flew you here?” I was miffed!
This is awesome! I fixed a broken sprinkler line this weekend while my husband fiddled with his motorcycle. It felt great to be able to do it myself! Although, I was the one who broke it in the first place (but I broke it while removing a tree that was growing way too close to the house).
I find it’s not as bad as it used to be. As an old maid (over 60 and never married) and home owner I’ve made many repairs myself. I don’t run into the attitude you got from the appliance shop as I used to. In fact I often get great guidance from female hardware store employees.
On the flip side I worked at a fabric store and the men who occasionally came in almost always acted as if they really shouldn’t be there. I always told them to relax, if I can shop in the hardware store they should be able to comfortable shop in the fabric store.
You rock!
Way to go Kristen! I once tried to fix my dryer too, and I also got funny looks from the appliance parts people, but that was because I brought in the completely wrong part! I think I take a little too much pride in the fact that I am at least willing to attempt jobs often handled by people with whiskers! But I do think many women hold themselves back with self doubt or an unwillingness to just try. I hope I am always willing to give things my best shot.
LOVE this post! Women always act like men somehow emerged from the womb with an innate sense for mechanics, but it all just boils down to experience. And in terms of the “muscle” factor… all of the men in my life have bad backs (probably from too many years of trying to be superman) so it generally falls to me to do the heavy lifting.
I’ve found that for the vast majority of tasks what’s needed is generally not more strength… just more innovation. For example… if you have a nut or bolt that won’t turn, you use some WD40… and if that’s not enough you slip an old hunk of pipe over the wrench handle to give yourself more leverage. For moving large furniture I have these little plastic slider things that you slip under the legs – with those I can even move my incredibly heavy solid oak desk!
Love this. I am the daughter and wife of handyman types, but it doesn’t mean I sit on a cushion and eat bonbons while a man works, no way. I either am the helper or I’m doing it myself. My husband worked on the road for 12 years — I only called a handyman three times in 12 years. Either we fixed it when he got home or I fixed it myself. My dad had only daughters and he often needed a hand; it was his girls or no one to help, (my mother was NOT the handy helper type!) therefore, we girls learned some very practical skills. In high school, I scored the second highest score in the school in the tool recognition/tool use testing for the Armed Forces, which still makes me smile, because my reputation then was that I was a total bookworm and wouldn’t know a wrench if it bit me.
My thoughts exactly! I grew up on a farm and live on a farm, and do quite a few of the farm tasks, as well as cut over half our supply of firewood each year. With a chainsaw. And not one of those sissy chainsaws, a Stihl Farm Boss
My husband works an hour and a half away and I work part time, so it just makes sense for me to do these things.
Kristen,
Thank you so much for explaining your thoughts on this issue in a reasonable, calm way! You’ve summarized what I’ve been trying to articulate regarding “feminism” and tasks that are split by gender so well. I adore your blog! Keep up the good work!
your text was exactely what I think. I make the repairs in the house because my husband has a tiring job. He also had a cancer 15 years ago and now refuses to make thinks he doesn’t like.
Some years ago I fixed the roof. And I’ve changed all the windows and doors of the house. I’m not very strong and I need more time to do the job. The materials I use have to be not too heavy. I ask my children for a help or I take some time for a rest.
Some time ago I asked for a spare part for a jigsaw. The man I bought the part said I had to ask my husband for precision, because I did not know the name of the broken spare part I had in the hand. I answered my husband had done lots of things in the house but never with his balls.
I have been rude but I needed it. When I arrive in the shop now he listens me carefully and is very polite! I’m also famous in the shop!
Thanks for your blog.
Funny timing. I was upstairs earlier this afternoon making the bed, and my 4yo daughter started shrieking and crying, and came in to tell me there was a giant bug in the bathroom and I had to stomp it. So, I went in and stomped it, and I was briefly tempted to leave it on the floor for my husband to pick up and dispose of (because if dealing with the terror of clipping our children’s nails is always my job, the terror of disposing of dead bugs can be his), but I decided to just do it. I scooped that bug up with the world’s biggest wad of toilet paper and got rid of it.
My daughter was so excited. She kept saying, “We did it! We did it!” a la Dora, and “We did it and didn’t even need Daddy or Thomas!” Of course, her entire contribution to the endeavor involved shrieking like a little girl (literally) and issuing orders, but I didn’t mention that. I let her be excited that we had teamed up to get rid of a big bad bug.
In the winter I live in a small motorhome that I drive south. People are always asking me, “You drive that?!” Yes, I do. And I put fuel in it and dump the holding tanks in it as well. You know, what RVers call the “blue” jobs.
right on kristen!!!!!!!!
I have to admit – I read “whiskers” in the title and thought cats. That substitution makes the whole piece quite entertaining.
Haha…picture cats doing appliance repair.
My first thought was cats, too! I have to admit that was an intriguing title- made me look!
I’m a little late to the party, but I just had to add my “I don’t need whiskers” moment from this weekend. I was cleaning the gutters this weekend, and as I was moving the ladder around air conditioner outtake, I noticed a dead mouse on top. Like Lori’s 4 year old, I too screamed like a little girl.
After deciding against letting Mother Nature take care of the problem. I got out my big girl shovel and took care of it.
I’m not too proud to admit, I would have loved someone else taking care of it — whiskers or not. I am proud that my big girl shovel and I took care of the problem.
Good for you!!
Amen sister!!! I fix everything in my own place, or as much as I can. Much of it isn’t rocket science – if you can follow instructions and slowly learn about the materials, you can do a lot yourself.
2 years ago I went to fix something (I can’t remember what??) and I asked for help at a local hardware store. No joke, the guy looked me square in the eye and said, “isn’t this something you should get a guy to help you with?” I was so mad, I honestly wrote a letter to management kindly asking them to remind their staff that it’s not 1956.
Love this! Being a farm girl, I am much handier than my husband.
love your blog, look forward to it every day!
I was raised by my exceptionally handy dad who didn’t have any sons, so spent most of my growing up helping him sheetrock, paint, do bodywork and work on his cars. I became a helicopter mechanic in the USMC and pretty much found that as long as you have the proper tools and aides there isn’t much of anything that you can’t do. My husband was an aircraft mechanic too but wasn’t too handy around the house so I ended up having to do most of our home repairs. My favorite story is when we went into Sears a long time ago to buy a new lawn mower. The salesman looked at my husband and asked if we wanted to buy a warranty. He said no, to which the salesman said “But Sir, what happens if you get deployed and the lawnmower breaks, what would your wife do?”. I told him “I’m a helicopter mechanic, so if it broke I imagine I would fix it”. He silently finished ringing us up.
I am a retired Air Force Avionics and Electronics Cryptographic systems technician, age 69,
and started fixing my own bicycle as a Air Force dependent, at age 7, while we lived in Morocco, and there were no facilities to fix stuff, on base. A broken bicycle of toy of mine, or my two sisters, either was fixed by us, or we lost out.
At age 12 I had a lawn mowing route. guess who fixed, tuned, the mower? And, the bicycle with which I traveled to/from my jobs?
At 16, I was buying cars for $50 to $100, to fix, then sell. Ever since, my skills have grown. BUT, when I had a vehicle repair, I bought the huge Chilton’s or Motor’s manuals,
and the tools to do the job, and eventually helped others fix their cars, too.
Ever since, I advise others, just as “thefrugalgirl” and her fans seem to do!
I find that only 1% of us actually do our repairs, and maintenance, to be frugal, and the world is full of ‘broken’ goodies that are cheap to fix, if one knows how to find YouTube,
or the manufacturer’s maintenance manuals.
I take discarded computers, and refursh them with Linux Mint, to run upto 200 times faster than they ran on the closed source proprietary crapware, but totally immune to the 50 million Windows Virus. Why you get all TV (Broadcast/Cable/Fiber/Direct/Satellite) over Linux servers.
Actually, other than the repair shops, I thought nobody else on the planet actually fixed any and all home tech. & appliances. I LOVE my gorgeous and very smart nurse/wife, but, even as she admires all my skills to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, she has no time or interest in learning to fix stuff!
girlpower!
I love it! My daughter is definitely going to learn how to fix things and be handy – DH isn’t at all. Who fixes the toilet, hooks up the electronics, stains the deck, and builds the swingset? That would be me!
You rock, Kristen. I grew up in a house of do it yourself parents, so I have had confidence in home repair for as long as I can remember. My husband grew up in a family that calls for repairs, so the first time I repaired the leaking kitchen sink, he still called the plumber “just to be sure.” The plumber assured him that his wife did a good job because he could find nothing wrong with it. So when I tackled replacing the heating element in the dryer, the drum belt, and now about to take care of the same squeak yours had…he doesn’t question me anymore.
I love this phrase! I did everything myself when I lived alone, and when I couldn’t figure something out or wasn’t willing to risk making it worse, I hired a professional. Now that I’m married, I basically leave all repairs to my husband – not because I think it’s his job or anything, but because I’m 1.) usually too busy with other stuff and 2.) REALLY not good with machines or building. No matter how many times I’ve tried working with building things or machines, I mess it up. Everyone has their own skills and anti-skills and that’s my anti-skill, whereas he was the kind of kid who always took everything he found apart just to put it back together again.
So my husband and I have our own “jobs” at home, which end up being pretty traditional but it’s just how it works out best for us. Thankfully he’s really good at keeping up with his part because he enjoys it. But if something needs to be fixed right away, I usually at least try to tackle it myself first.
I think that’s great…each of you is doing what you’re best suited to do!
Either I or my husband fixes things, just whoever is most available to do it.
Just last week I replaced a chainsaw blade! Hubby had no idea how to do it.
I hate anything that requires hand-on work like the stuff you do (the “man jobs”). I am a home owner because my husband is against renting. Otherwise I would rent and never bother with fixing a house. And for the inside stuff (dryer, light fixtures, etc) I would just hire someone to fix it or buy a new one. To me it’s not about being unable to fix something, or about something being a “man’s job”; It’s about having ZERO interest (coupled with no knowledge). It’s also lazy, and I can live with it
Nice work. My mom was born in 1940 and she always loudly waits for my dad to do things, not I think because she believes she can’t, but I am certain that she believes she’s more management material, and maybe also because he owes her forever, given the egregious defections that men of a certain patriarchal culture were/are prone to. So, obviously, those are pretty specific criteria for never fixing things yourself, and you sincerely hope the latter will not apply to traumatize you and your primary relationship for life.
Thanks for this post. My dryer is screeching. The gasket was torn on my washer door as well, spewing water everywhere, so the washer repairman came and charged us $400 to swap it out for a new one. The part, the gasket, was $120, so that is some impressive labor charge. So much, that I suspect he levied upon me a moron-consumer tax. I earned that this time, though, because I didn’t look at enough Youtube Howto posts. I looked at the one Sears had posted before it went out of business for good reason, but I forgot to calculate in that Sears was deliberately trying to make gasket replacement look like rocket science so that they could sell you…repair service! In their how-to video, they tried to convince you that they had designed the washer so that all the fuses and hoses and engines were routed through the washer door, which hardly seems credible but I believed it long enough to spend $400, and you would have to completely disassemble and reassemble the washer. What I learned looking in on the repair guy at work on it is that this is not true at all, and he replaced the door gasket in about 45 mn, of course without dissassembling and reassembling the entire washer. In the future, such as for dryer repair, I’ll check in with you, Frugalgirl.com, that I might not wind up in the poorhouse.