You are doing everything wrong
Lately, I have noticed something. And since I'm a blogger, I'm gonna tell you about it. 😉
When I'm on the internet (social media specifically) I feel like I am hearing an incessant whisper in my ear that says, "You're doing everything wrong."
Someone wants to tell me why I shouldn't eat animal products.
Someone wants to tell me why eating only animal products is what will solve my problems (Go full carnivore!)
I might be eating the right foods but I'm definitely doing it in the wrong order....you have to eat the fiber first, then the proteins, then the carbs. All your problems will be solved.
(Unless you make the error of choosing a food that contains fiber, protein, and carbs all in one. At that point, just throw the food out.)
I'm using the wrong shampoo.
I shouldn't be using shampoo at all.
I'm not using enough sunscreen.
No, wait, sunscreen is poison. We should just use beef tallow (I really have seen this.)
Marriage problems can be solved by dancing around in a dress, baking a cake, and pretending it's the 1950s; tsk, tsk, why do people throw their marriages away so easily?
I'm wearing the wrong clothes.
(cue the "Five Fashion Mistakes That Are Aging You" posts)
The clothing colors are also probably wrong.
My makeup might be making me look older.
The way I'm doing eyeliner is so 3 years ago.
I should be doing facial yoga.
I should be using a jade roller on my face.
I should be using a special straw to prevent wrinkles around my mouth.
I'm already too late to do preventative Botox. I'm screwed.
I shouldn't dye my gray hair. Be natural!
But also: I should color my hair because otherwise I am gonna look my age (which is the unforgivable sin, of course.)
I haven't even gotten into all the wrong ways we parent, do friendships, decorate our houses, organize our homes, make our coffee, and who knows what else!
And then there's politics. Good heavens.
Some days, I'm able to brush all of this off and move on. But I cannot lie: sometimes it makes me feel exhausted.
It's so much noise, and even though all these people supposedly want to help me, it feels rather...unhelpful.
No one in history has had this much "help"
I know that "you're doing it all wrong" advice has been around for a while in the form of books, magazines, newspapers, and TV programs.
And this is particularly true for those marketed toward women.
But I don't think at any point in the past we have had such a tidal wave of "helpful" noise hit us on a daily basis.
I mean, even newspapers generally only come out once a day!
I kind of wonder if this level of input is...not super good for us. At a minimum, I think it is not super good for me.
Am I part of the noise?
I have put out a prolific amount of content on the internet, so as I was mulling this whole issue over, I wondered if I have ever been part of the, "You're doing it all wrong!" noise on the internet.
(I did write a, "Here are five reasons your homemade pizza is terrible" post one time, but that's not usually my style. Ha.)
But I do seriously wonder...how do you find a balance and put out helpful content that doesn't also make people feel like you've judged them or tied a heavy burden on their backs?
Is this the responsibility of the content creator?
Or does the responsibility lie more on the consumer of the content, to process the onslaught of information in a healthy way (or to mindfully reduce the onslaught)?
I don't know if I have a good answer to these questions, but I will keep thinking about them.
Less Consumption + a "good enough" attitude
I think part of the solution for me as a consumer is to, well, consume less.
So to that end, my phone is social media-free again.
(The browser version of social media is WAY less addicting because the navigation is so much clunkier. And I have to be at a computer to use it, so that automatically makes me consume less.)
Also, a standby for me is a "good enough is good enough" attitude. I don't think we and our world are designed to need the seriously narrow range of acceptable behavior prescribed by social media.
For a lot of things in life, there is not just one right way/method, and we don't need to do something perfectly to reap some benefits.
If I:
- do some basic skincare (my go-to lotion)
- move my body
- wear some kind of sun protection
- eat more fruits and vegetables
- stay vaguely fashionable
- try to show up in love wherever I go
...then I'm probably in just as good of shape as someone who is stressing themselves to death trying to follow all the helpful suggestions on the internet.
Yes! Especially on You Tube, which tailors the videos that pop up to address everything I worry about and researched at one time or another.
I stopped commenting on some of the FB groups that I follow because of this. I enjoy reading the content, but I used to naïvely ask a question, and oh boy, the comments were so mean. Even on our Buy Nothing, I was reassuring someone that I was a safe person to come over and pick up a free item so I identified myself as a school employee and that person started to private message me about schools and the environment.
That said, because of some of those groups and blogs, I have changed some habits that I think have improved my life. So its a balance I guess?
I have seen this affect our students. Its not just magazines telling them how to look, what to wear, its everywhere. You hit the nail on the head, its increasing anxiety. Deleting apps on your phone is a great idea, Kristen.
@MommaJo,
In relation to your BN experience, it is amazing to me to how the simplest comment or post can devolve into a political or social-economic argument.
I follow Cheap Old Houses on Instagram. This account posts photos of old, sometimes architecturally interesting homes that are currently for sale for less than $250K.
The comments that follow are not about the beautiful tile or woodwork, but the politics of the state or city that the home is in. They are frequently angry, extremely partisan, or just plan untrue. I personally just want to look at the house, so I no longer look at the comments
@Bee,
Wise decision.
Yes, the ability to comment about anything online has its place but, yes, the ugliness and the unwarranted information.
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
I follow the rule taught as I grew up: Got nothing nice or constructive (in a respectful manner) to say? Then say nothing.
Social media has given license to all sorts of things.
I don't actually mind reading, on occasion, a well-defended and explained position on something with which I differ, if it is done by a person who actually knows what they are talking about. And is done without attitude, hate, racism, sexism, and the like.
Once upon a time in this country, we actually debated issues and talked about our respective POVs backed by facts, not lies, propoganda or rhetoric.
And sadly, today, with all the information we have, this country is still filled with those who could care less about the facts for major things, let alone the rest.
I am not a fan of a lot of what is online and off. BUT, I do support people's rights to voice their opinions, as long as they are presented as such. And as much as I hate that free speech gives a forum for racism, sexism and the like, I do not want to live in a country where communications are censored.
The answer to this, when it comes to politics, is not to put our heads in the sand, but to better educate ourselves, via multiple sources and polite, respectful, truthful discourse without name calling, etc.
We used to do that in this country. Now, with social media, that's where everyone spews forth whatever.
I choose to focus on the positives of social media: We learn about many harmful and hateful and criminal things that we might never have known and can then address them legally.
People who need a voice because they have been victimized can speak up and get support and resources to help.
There's practical advice as well that is useful in daily life.
And there is inspiration when we hear from people whose goal is to lift us up and help us live as citizens of the world with respect for one and all, even when we share different life perspectives.
FYI: Free speech is not a license to do or say anything.
@Irena, well said! Thank you.
Also reminds me of lolcats when a cat says "you're doing it wrong".
I think the difference with you Kristen is you don’t use clickbait (the 5 frugal things you’re doing wrong) and you don’t tell people what to do.
People want to know how you [insert thing], and you tell them. You allow a space for people to share their version of frugality without judgement.
I think people aren’t bringing you really heavy subjects and asking you to fix them so you don’t need to enter the arena of ‘hard’ advice, and I like that you don’t pretend to be a space for that. (Not sure I’ve explained that well, it isn’t a criticism).
Rather, it’s a supportive space where readers engage with each other and your comments atea and approach don’t rely on you taking part in every conversation. Although obviously this wouldn’t happen without you and I love engaging with you.
You’re right about advice and judgement appearing constantly in the world and it’s easy to go nuts trying to follow it all, especially when it is contradictory. But it’s hard not to be overwhelmed when you see it so much.
I find it even harder because I’m disabled and everyone has an opinion on how I should live, feel etc. Probably similar to how everyone has an opinion on how you’re parenting.
Anyhow, I like coming here, even if I’m not as frugal as some, and definitely not perfect.
@Victoria, I forgot to add, thank you!
@Victoria,
I, too have health issues where others seem to think they know what is best for me. A lot of them are doctors who have no clue as to who I am, how I live and how their dictates would negatively impact my life.
I have a great PCP who will be moving soon and I will miss her terribly. She treats me, not a patient or a diagnosis. A real human with a real life who seeks a quality of life.
It is indeed hard not to be overwhelmed and that is when we shut it down or just ingest less.
Someone once told me, "We can't save the world. But every day, with every word and every action in your life, you have the choice to make life better for someone else. Focus on that and not the "noise" around you."
He wasn't saying don't give up on the big stuff, just be mindful of what you can do and what you can't. And don't allow yourself to dwell on what you cannot change.
It's hard to do that some days. VERY hard. But even as we try, we help ourselves stay calmer.
Yes, I love what your friend said; that's my attitude going into nursing. I know I can't help the whole world, but I can change the world of my patients whenever they are in my care.
@Irena, exactly what your friend said. You can only do what you can do and in your own way. If people aren't satisfied with that then they can do it their own way.
I work with families of people who are incarcerated and no matter what you do someone isn't happy. But they're just on the other end of a text or a group message and aren't contributing anything themselves except for criticism.
I never mind somebody doing something a different way than I do it (unless it's specifically impacts me in a negative manner) and I often can take something away from their process that improves the the way I think about something or helps me do something better.
Interesting post! I'm not on social media which makes life a lot easier. People will be offering unsolicited advice in real life too though - I've been adviced to swallow bicarb of soda to cure my asthma and an acquaintance with Long covid was mad for not taking turmeric. Most persistently I get advice on weight loss, as I have jojed myself to a number I do not care to share, over the past 40 odd years. Although my weight is a topic between my GP and myself, people still come to me with advice that will surely help me long term (eat oats, drink vinagre in the morning, eat turmeric - again, etc).
It is good to remember that our insecurity is earning other people big bucks - in products, or in page views/clicks as that makes the "influencer" more attractive to advertisers. And sources for those failproof solutions might supposedly be people with a medical background, but if you investigate on internet you find zero medical studies for them, or hospitals they have worked for etc but you do find lots of Youtube fragments and bestselling (!) books.
@JNL, My sympathies. I have a longtime weight problem and people invite themselves to offer lots of stupid advice. Sometimes I can laugh about it! They really don't know what they are talking about. One of the silliest was from an otherwise serious man who advised me to stuff my hat full of cooked beans and walk briskly for at least five miles. !!! It still makes me laugh.
Honestly, I really don't. But I also consider myself an old soul. I don't do the latest trends and social media. I've stepped back from facebook over a year and a half ago (the only social I really used) and reddit more recently (I only go on to look for actual information). Other than that, I go on sites like this one by my choosing.
So I guess I'd say that yes, limiting usage as a consumer does help.
As someone looking to have an on-line business, this does present a struggle and I'm not sure how that will end up working out.
@Jaime, I too have dealt with that struggle about online businesses requiring social media. As an artist, I have a website and a blog, but that's it.
I tried Etsy, but you have to spend hours a day commenting, participating, and rising to the top of the heap (so much time!!)
I tried FB for about 3 weeks and found it to be 1/4" deep and 6 miles wide. A person can't just show up with things for sale—you've got to engage, contribute, get to "know" people, participate, and WASTE SO DANG MUCH TIME DOING IT! Plus, you get bombarded with opinions, suggestions, ads, and sewage.
I tried Instagram for a year or so and the same things, with less sewage.
Finally I decided that the people I meet in real life or through word-of-mouth are my customers. Occasionally I "meet" someone who finds me online and am able to serve them, but that isn't my real market.
Thank you for another thoughtful and thought-provoking post, Kristen. I agree wholeheartedly with almost all your points, especially re: social media. (I got off Twitter when things got crazy there, and I've never joined FB, etc.)
Of course, folks who were nonconformists in the olden times tended to get shunned, regarded as witches, or worse. On the other hand, they were only hearing it from the other folks in their villages and not getting it from all sides.
I'll add only that age is a factor that helps me to shrug off the bombardment of advice. At almost 69, I really don't care what advertising and the media (of all types) think I should be doing.
@A. Marie, only yesterday out eldest was joking that I could attend a LARP event as an old hag. I've desinherited him for the umpteenth time.
@J NL, What's LARP?
@Fru-gal Lisa, Live Action Role-Playing. You create a character (most often in the fantasy/medieval genre, but some LARPers do sci fi), dress up, and act out your character in various games/scenarios. My husband did this as a teenager, in a park he and his friends cleaned up, they built their own safe foam weapons and had mock battles. There are groups that get together and do it, and are fairly well organized! It can be fun. We've done it as a family, and even now do it in the form of a card game my husband created for the kids.
@A. Marie, I find that age is the single biggest factor in my ability not to care about all the clickbait advice. I’ll be 63 in a couple of weeks and it’s just astounding what would have gotten under my skin even 10 years ago that doesn’t register now.
Much of the time, my internal reaction to seeing posts/ads about how I should be doing things is the unbidden thought “you’re an idiot” and then I move on.
I mostly stay away from social media and I also have the type of personality that is skeptical of most claims. I also have lived long enough to remember the crazy things that have been foisted upon the public and how wrong they proved to be. Anybody remember the low fat craze when it was okay to eat lots of Snackwell cookies because they were low fat (while being full of simple carbs which we now know are not so great for you)? That involved abandoning tree nuts, eggs, and other foods that we now know are good for us. Imagine that, natural foods are better than processed foods.
I also never embraced diet culture, I just didn't have the discipline/great desire to be a certain size, starvation never worked for me. As a result I am an old lady without a weight problem since I never screwed up my metabolism. I realize there are elements of luck involved here as well.
I think the answer is to follow your inner voice. Look into what is recommended if you desire but do so with a skeptical mind. Another thing that helps is to not worry about what the world thinks. You will find your people that appreciate you the way you are.
The multitude of advice is coming from people that want a lot of followers as that not only stokes their egos but provides financial rewards. For the most part they are hucksters and they often are getting paid for their promotions.
Kristen, I don't feel like you are a promoter. You just share your life for those that want to come along for the ride and share in the community. Keep doing what you're doing.
@K D, Well said. Agree. Thank you
I’m not on social media because I know myself and how discontent I become after spending some time on Instagram. The mental health benefits of staying away from it are beyond amazing.
I noticed the same thing in my kids. The less time on their iPads the better. YouTube had them convinced their real life is boring misery.
Even as a child I belonged to the "Says who?" and "Who cares?" clubs. Never joined Facebook or any other "social network". I think this was largely because I moved and changed schools every 2 years during childhood and really into my mid-20s. Was always focused on "What's next?"
@JDinNM,
I, too, was frequently saying "Says who?" and "Who cares?"
Never one to care what others thought (and yes, sometimes that can create its own set of problems when others want you to conform to their standards/etc)
Now, I'm at that age where seriously, I don't care that much at all about others' opinion of me. I listen and if there is something to discuss, yes, politely. Otherwise, Live and let live.
I think you need to trust that the people who read your content are the people who are similar in mindset to you, whether they are looking for inspiration to start their frugal journey or if they are looking for ideas and encouragement to continue. And if they find that your content is not uplifting, you can trust that they will stop reading. There is no content that is appealing/applicable/relevant to everyone out there and part of the amazing thing about the internet is that while it does open the world so much, it also allows people to find their niche.
I have stopped following content that makes me feel like I’m not doing things right. There’s a difference between aspirational and inspirational and I want to fill my life with the latter.
Maybe it's because I don't have any social media accounts, or maybe it's because I am very stubborn and don't like to take advice at all, but I don't really feel that way about the relentless onslaught of online tips and pointers. If I read something like that, I usually think, "Huh. Not for me." I try not to give advice on my blog, either, just because I don't like to take it from other people.
I do think, however, that tone is a big part of it for those who are creating the content. The lecturing, hectoring, shaming, or patronizing style is going to make people feel bad. Given the fact that your style of writing is the opposite of that, I don't think you need to worry about your writing. I mean, I guess there will always be people who take things the wrong way no matter what, but that's on them.
@kristin @ going country, so true! Kristin makes her living with blogging- I read a few blogs, text a few folks and belong to a couple of cooking and book groups. I’ve never been one to worry about what people think about me. I’m pretty confident. I don’t listen to podcasts or use twitter or Pinterest. I have 4 family members on Instagram and they rarely post a photo.
They used to call it "Pinterest Perfect" and I was always a "Pinterest Fail". But at least I tried and knew it wasn't for me. I do have "perfect tendencies" for some things, but for other things, I just accept the fact that I am who I am and I can't change or I don't want to.
I'm at an age, where a lot of things, I just don't worry about anymore like I used to. I think now it is mostly geared toward the 20's-30's crowd. At least that's what I see.
Everything you say resonates with me. Two things come immediately to mind.
I always skip over the "5 things you need to" and "10 ways to do" articles. I know they are never well-written, and probably AI generated.
And an anecdote. My parents grew up during the depression. The only thing my mother said was that it wasn't upsetting to her because everyone was in the same boat. The thing is, we know that everyone wasn't in the same boat. But she didn't know that. In her small town, with one newspaper and maybe a radio in most homes, no one knew it. That will never happen again.
What is the best way to handle this monumental increase in information (and misinformation)? To what degree can you really "tune it out"?
@Bell, I lived in very isolated villages before telephone (only one and that was in the village store), TV (even the two largest cities got TV the day after it appeared in the rest of the US, flown up by Pan Am every morning so when we saw the news broadcast, it was from yesterday) and regular newspaper delivery. Only one radio station, locally produced by neighbors and friends, one thing that Northern Exposure got right). Then phones, then TV, then internet; lots of places still get only one radio station, part NPR and part local because how else will you know where the polar bears are roaming around that morning. I saw first-hand the damage it did to the culture of close knit communities and, worst of all, to the kids. Suddenly they knew about styles, fads and what was considered cool or uncool. Like the life your parents had during the depression, they never realized that they were poor. The sad thing is they were not poor in community spirit and social gatherings, and hearing words of wisdom from the elders. Then they heard about lifestyles of the rich and infamous and suddenly their own styles were not good enough, and old people were not worth listening to. Subsistence skills were no longer of interest---why spend days gathering food if you could be playing video games? It was horrifying. Sure there were some advantages, but a lot of loss, too. People are working to bring back some of those skills and values, but it is an uphill climb.
No, I don't feel like I'm doing everything wrong because I don't much care what other people think. I feel like everyone else is doing things wrong, which is probably even more annoying.
@Rose,
I want to be you when I grow up!
@mbmom11, As I write, a beagle puppy is chewing on my big toe and it hurts.
SEE? Even I don't want to be me.
@mbmom11, I find her so refreshing!
@Rose, What Rose said.
Yes. I do have that feeling. But I never have that feeling on this blog. I feel supported even tho I am far from perfect. This is the only blog that iI participate with.
Good content today! Thank you
Thought provoking….. like many have already stated, this blog is more inspirational. I think of it more like having a conversation with friends, who will not always agree on things but who respect and value the other person’s opinion.
For me, common sense and moderation are important. If we fell for every commercial, ad, way to do whatever, we’d be so mixed up we wouldn’t know which way was which.
Have you been reading my mind somehow? I just recently mentioned yesterday that I finally deleted my Instagram, Reddit (and then Facebook) accounts, and took the apps off my phone for good. At first Instagram just seemed fun; I had lots of cat accounts to look at (but I have my OWN cat!), and there were funny comics (that I could probably find on my computer if I really wanted to look at them). But I started getting targeted with beauty/fashion/hair stuff, probably because a few bloggers I was following are considered "healthy living" bloggers. The ads were all weirdly targeted for thinning hair, since I have Googled about that since hitting menopause. So many ads for cat toys, which I don't really need to buy.
Then I realized that I used to read voraciously. When I went to the hospital for DS's most recent procedure I took along a couple of books but found myself unable to focus--and not just because of worry, it wasn't that sort of procedure to worry about, compared to his others. I just couldn't focus. Me, who DH said was the first person he'd met would would literally sit down and read a book in a day.
I started reading the book "Stolen Focus" and it shone light on how social media is designed to keep us scrolling, to hop from post to post. Meta makes money the longer we stare at the screen, and we're more likely to stare at the screen if we keep hopping around. So I thought, "Why am I letting them steal my focus?" And I started deleting things.
It feels good. I feel free. And I hadn't thought about the advice part of it, Kristen, but you are right. A lot of it is designed to make us feel insecure about how we're doing things, so that we will buy/follow/do what the "influencers" tell us to.
@Karen A.,
That book sounds great. Off to request it from the library....
Happy for you, Karen! I hope you get to read lots of enjoyable books this summer. 🙂
@mbmom11, The second half gets into other areas that the author claims steal focus (and gets a little preachy about ADHD medication and pollution and such) but the first half is thought-provoking! I was mostly interested in the effect of technology on focus. I already knew that some food additives can affect sensitive people; I've seen it in my kids!
@Karen A., In a similar vein, I found the book Digital Minimalism very interesting and it gives steps to reduce use of phones, etc I’ve read it twice as I needed a refresher after I noticed my phone time started to increase again!
@LB, Thank you! Going to look for that one too.
@Karen A.,
I would probably have to skip the second part of that book, as my son is on ADHD medication, and it's made a world of difference for him. It has allowed him to succeed in school, for one very important thing. People can think and believe what they want, but I am a firm believer in ADHD medication as one tool to help those who need it.
@Liz B., I agree. I don't think that every case of ADHD is caused by environment, I do think everyone's brains are wired just a little differently, and if somebody needs meds to function well, there is no shame in that. That's why I returned the book to the library after I'd read all I wanted to and gleaned the most useful information. 🙂
Totally agree with everything you've said here. I just read a terrific book called Stolen Focus by Jonathan Harris. Among other things, he explains how big tech deliberately targets us with tons of misinformation and sends us off on tangents. Unfortunately, he doesn't offer any real concrete solutions to avoid them, but just being aware of how we're being manipulated is somewhat empowering.
Kristen, I think you do a wonderful job or dispensing advice. You are never judgemental and offer a balanced perspective. I think you have taken a group of people from different parts of the country, backgrounds and lifestyle and forged a commonality among them with your humanity. I appreciate this greatly. It’s a rare gift.
As I have aged, I have realized that I must have been doing something right to get where I am in life. Of course, I realize that I have made mistakes aplenty too. I also recognize there is more than one way to do things correctly. Life is filled with variables.
Although I may pick up my phone to search the internet if I have a question or concern, I look at everything with a critical eye. There are many people who post on various sites and in social media who do not have the knowledge, training or experience to be considered experts in their field. I do believe others opinions matter and can be helpful. However, others opinions aren’t necessarily factual.
I believe that one of the secrets to happiness is not to spend too much time worrying about what others do or have. Even in frugality, what works for one may not work for another. Our lives differ greatly. One must follow her own heart and her own path.
@Bee, I came to realize that a lot of the people who post on Instagram (especially the "healthy living bloggers" who are not certified or qualified to advise others about their diet and medical issues) are actually trying to make a living doing so---but to do so they have to sell products to their viewers. Once I realized a lot of it was a giant Meta-funded infomercial, it was easier to quit.
That is 1000000% true. A lot of people peddling health advice have no qualifications to do so.
At one point, I did give up reading most blogs and parenting websites. I had started feeling bad that I was doing things all wrong , and a lot of the advice is contradictory. And I was beginning to feel envious of a certain blog whose creator had a large religious family, lots of beautiful things, and a amazing life. That's when I realized reading all this stuff was not good for me. (The blogger is amazing- just realized I needed a break. It's wasn't her- it was me!)
One of the only blogs i kept wasn't mommy oriented at all but political!
I do read some blogs now, but I'm much more sensible about what I choose to read. No more doom scrolling.
@mbmom11, A neighbor of mine is a well known influencer. Yes his photos are gorgeous but they're all too much work to achieve. When I was styling my summer cottage for its Airbnb/etc photo shoot, I thought, Dammit, I'm going to do what he does. That means, have the dining table beautifully set with my vintage napkins that immediately get locked away because they're too nice to get ruined by renters. Heh. On the hall tree, I added a denim jacket of mine and a single straw hat with flowers. I put a big bunch of flowers in the kitchen sink like I was just about to arrange them. I put a board game out on the coffee table and and champagne glasses and a bottle on the table next to the backyard easy chairs, with more flowers on the outdoor dining table. In fact I ordered a huge bunch of flowers from Costco to distribute around each room. I put a coffee cup next to the master beside table, some wellies in the hall and Aesop handwash on the sinks.
On and freaking on for the perfect pictures and no way in hell would I do that every day. So annoying and it never ends.
@mbmom11,
when my children were young, the internet was not an established entity, but we had books. When my first son was about three months old, my mother told me to throw the books away. No child was a textbook case.
@Rose,
Unfortunately, when you are selling a product or service online, you do have to give a strong, positive and appealing impression. And, yes, it is work. But
what you put out there is what will either attract those you want or repel them.
I always think: What would I like to see in a rental photo series?
And go from there. It's best to be yourself. Like attract like. Example: It's not hard to see why Kristen's blog has such positive commenters. She herself attracts those who are like-minded because of how she presents herself. It's how it works.
Of course, the irony is, many of those folk who put a lot of effort into the PR of things, don't actually maintain their homes well. And people who don't spend energy on photo shoots often have very clean, well cared for and appealing homes.
If you want to reach people online, there are ways to do it and ways to not.
Just being online with a blog, website, vlog or whatever, implies you want an audience.
@Irena, I have zero idea what you're trying to say. Do you think any of that is news to me? I've been putting content on the net for 38 years now.
My whole point is that going the extra mile to add to the perfection of one's surroundings every day is too much time and energy for me. I can and will do it before photo shoots (by the way, my house has been in a number of magazines, One Kings Lane etc) but every day for a blog? Nope.
@Rose, You know what I look for the most in those photos of rentals? I want to see that the beds don't sag in the middle.
@Jody S, Wait--you aren't looking for unused 1950s Wilendur tablecloth and napkins with lobsters on them? EVERYTHING I KNOW IS WRONG
@Rose,
I'm 100% in agreement with you. All that "making the house look perfect" day after day? Noooooo thanks. Neat, tidy and clean is what I strive for. 🙂
@Rose,
Are the lobsters embroidered? 😉
I have to say that I really think that all of this Do/Don't stuff is a way for someone, somewhere to make money. It's not just to get some kind of important "message" out there.
I'm telling my teen all the time to be aware of how so many messages out there whether it's the news, social media, politics etc leads to someone trying to get $. Might sound somewhat cynical, but it's usually true.
I think if you're aware of it, then it may be easier to resist any feelings that might go along with it.
I think "good enough is good enough" is great and in resisting all the messages out there is a great way to be frugal for sure.
@Andi, Yup. Just views without even buying anything is worth money. Then again, advertising and the media have been doing this for hundreds of years.
A genre of book I particularly enjoy and no I don't know why except I'm extremely interested in social history is the homemaking/housekeeping books that flourished in the middle of the nineteenth century to about 1900. Industrialization made for a new middle class and the new middle class wives needed instruction on what was expected of them. What kinds of meals? How to decorate for a dinner party? Menus? How to manage servants? What is good taste in furniture and dress? Zillions of these books were sold. There's always money to be made off people's insecurities.
@Rose, I'm interested in those, too.
But, funny story, I once pulled a book from the 19th century off the archive shelves at college called "The Well-Dresssed Woman" expecting to be tickled by the hand glove guidance. It ended up being an early anti-corset text written by a woman! It was great.
Hehe, I would have written an anti-corset text if I lived back then. I know people say, "Oh, they weren't that constricting." and "women enjoyed wearing them when they fit well" and I think that's honestly just kind of BS. Because if they weren't constricting and they were enjoyable to wear, then....why weren't men wearing them??
I know for sure and for certain that I would never in a million years choose to wear a corset outside of societal pressure to do so.
@Andrea, The anti-suffrage ones written by women are the most annoying. I keep thinking they'll be amusing, but no, they're just terrible.
@Rose,
The veracity of some reviews is indeed questionable. But if you read carefully, you can often discern those with a PR purpose.
I don't take all of the good or the bad as totally true. We bring our own experience into each.
Example: I've used ZocDoc and found two great docs. I've also had the misfortune of going to two 5-star doctors who were anything but five star.
I've learned that most people are loathe to post negative reviews of doctors for obvious reasons.
Most people are not skilled in writing information and giving context. Which leads to what I call all or nothing reviews: Totally good or totally bad.
I read a review of my fabulous PCP that was truly horrible and totally unlike any experience I and others have had with her. I was so upset, I wrote my own review refuting everything the other person wrote with reasons why.
I believe we stick to facts for reviews and context: As in, this was my experience with this product or service. You can have something that legitimately has both good and bad reviews. It's then a numbers game. People who have a good experience don't necessarily rush to write about that. But people with bad experiences often rush to do that.
Some men did wear corsets, like King Willian IV of England, because he was so fat.
But yes, there were good reasons for the Rational Dress movement. Women's ribs were permanently pinched, just like Chinese bound feet.
I so rarely comment but I couldn’t agree more, Kristen. I quit social media and mostly quit podcasts because at the end of the day it just kept adding to my mental to do list. My kids are little and I feel this pressure so much online- there is a right way to put them to bed, serve them food, set up toys, on and on… And of course when I’m not online and with family, friends, my kids teachers and pediatrician, I’m reminded that we are all doing the best we can and it’s really fine if I’m wearing an unflattering color. as far as your blog, I generally really enjoy how you share about your life! I will sometimes get ideas for meals but it doesn’t feel like “I’ve hacked meal planning, here’s what you need to do!” Which is the vibe I get elsewhere. I do skip the meet a reader posts sometimes- not because I don’t want to meet readers!- but it can spike that anxiety of “oh no, we don’t do XYZ frugal practice.”
Reader Bell touched on my immediate first thought, so I'll elaborate — which is that it's not just listicles and advice and the next brilliant idea for whatever, it's everything. There's so much. We worry about who's bombing whom where. We worry about who has cancer among our 674 facebook friends' friends. We worry about horse abuse in some other state. And on and on.
Before, we would have known none of this. We would have known the things that affected us, like who's running for school board, when the next home 14U softball game is, what the meals are at the senior center.
It's very stressful to have the overload of information that we just maybe don't need.
Only a cultural sea change will fix this, and I don't have that kind of influence — just influence over my own household and to a very, very marginal degree over communication in my own community.
@Karen.,
Respectfully, I agree the amount of news we have is overwhelming. And honestly, I wish I didn't know some things.
BUT...I want the option of knowing as much as I can about what is going on in the rest of the world.
Over the years, I've encountered people who could care less about anything beyond their immediate community, if that. Nothing beyond their own families. Their attitude was : Not my concern. Not my problem. Who cares about X country or this or that or whatever?
It's their choice but in the world we live in, with complex issues, we need to make some effort to be aware citizens. No, we don't have to take up every cause, but we do need to educate ourselves before we vote on a local or national measure, etc.
Every election I receive a printed pamphlet where those up for election explain their positions; where the various issues on the ballot are explained.
My head literally hurts reading them sometimes and I am sorely tempted to just "hit one lever" BUT...I don't. Why? Because as a citizen it is in my mind, my responsibility to educate myself about who is running and what is at stake.
Once upon a time we were taught about our government in civics class. Today, we have people with PhDs who don't even understand how the constitution works or how our government runs. Who have no clue about the rule of law.
Today, people vote with many things in mind but frequently with no real understanding of what is involved. I'm all for making it a requirement to take classes before you get your voter's registration card in this country.
Knowledge is power and gives us real choices. Being a sheep is not the way to go, as many do. I don't mind that people don't agree with my politics. I just want to know that they are coming from a place of actually researching/understanding/learning about their options. Not just pulling a lever.
An educated citizenry is a good thing.
Citizenship is something I take seriously in terms of my responsibility to my fellow citizens (not about where someone comes from or how they get here).
I think there's probably a middle ground to be found, where you are not overwhelmed and paralyzed by the bad news, but you also are not living an insular life.
And I think that sweet spot varies from person to person. I know personally, I tend toward to be toward the highly sensitive type of things, particularly when it's a situation I can do nothing about. So, I cannot manage to healthfully consume as much news as someone else could.
When it comes to things I can actually do something about, I do not find it so overwhelming, so taking care of patients is fine. I'm there, I'm qualified, I can help.
What gets me is the overwhelming nature of all the human suffering that I can't alleviate.
So. It's my job to take in the amount of news that still allows me to be in good shape to actually help where I can.
@Kristen, weirdly enough I am OK when it's some huge number of people badly affected. Not that I'm not outraged or angry about something like bombing of citizens, but it affects me less than a human interest story about a single person. And animal abuse destroys me.
In my case, what Stalin said is true: "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths are a statistic."
It is so interesting how we have varied experiences with this. Which goes back to one of my initial points, which is that we all have to manage this in a way that keeps us informed but not overwhelmed, and that's gonna look different from person to person.
Yeah, as usual, I didn't try to be thorough, so the result was that I didn't finish my thought well.
So let me preface this by saying I worked at a regional daily newspaper when newspapers were still a going concern. We were, collectively, very good at our job. Lots of local news in great detail. Some national and international news every day — more of a wider scope, less nuts-and-bolts. Very good election coverage, from early days of candidacy, issues and debates all the way through the night of elections, and the very tiny type the next morning with results from all the elections in nine counties, plus state and national results.
It's not that I don't think people should have an overview knowledge of national and world events. Not at all. Somehow, though, we've started — culturally — moving our attention to things less relevant to us rather than the things right here at home, and not just focusing on them, but focusing blow-by-blow as they happen.
Likewise, in the past, we may have known that someone's relative's friend had a health issue, but we didn't have daily updates, or even weekly updates — maybe as often as a month, if someone was a good letter-writer or phone-caller. Or maybe we knew there was a terrible storm somewhere, but we didn't get the stories about individual hardship; we got an overview.
I just don't think that's healthy, is all. It's an overload of detail, and some of it can be very concerning in the moment when maybe the literal next hour's or day's events could reverse that concern, and either way, we have a ton of information but can't do anything about it. It's a lot of swinging of stress hormones that doesn't need to happen.
On the other hand, news at home, from the township or village or suburb or, heck, even the HOA or the Legion post or the women's club — we can be a helper, and the extra information can be useful. But we don't have that.
Anyway. That's all I'm saying. There's information overload, and not all of the information that's swirling around us in a convenient form is beneficial, unlike the things we could use. I think that the things Kristen writes about that make us feel (or even believe) that we're wrong, bad or not good enough fall into the nonbeneficial category. And she is correct also that the amount and type of information/detail we consume is going to vary by individual.
@Rose, agree about the animal abuse! Sometimes even when they have a happy ending it’s still too painful to know what they endured to get there
@Rose, I am this way. I cannot read about child abuse. I cannot read too much dystopian fiction. I can hear about war and such without aching. But if you give me one story of one person...
@Sue and @Jody, agreed. I am 100% sure Rescue Pup would be dead now if not for me. He was going to be put to sleep the next day. After I registered him for adoption with my local rescue not a single person applied for him, I think because he has dark brown/black around his eyes so it's harder to see them. Even just thinking he had had no immunizations because no one cared enough to pay for them makes my heart hurt.
Well, the hell with all of them since he is now my beloved dog. And he is exceptionally smart and a thoroughly good boy. You lost out, folks. But what about all the others? I can't think about it because it's too painful.
I try to do my best for animals and for the local elderly and children in poverty. That's all I can do but sometimes I wish I had more money/power/whatever.
@Irena, I usually read around an hour a day of news articles. Anything else and it affects my mood too much. And there are some headlines I just know I won't be able to handle at that time. I also think it's important to be informed but doomscrolling doesn't help anyone.
@Rose, Our lab mix was starved and abused and barely responded to people. He has been with us for about 6 years now and is just the most loving, obedient, quirky, eager to please old boy (about 11 now we think). Some days I think about how his previous owners and the people who passed him by at the pound "lost out" as you so aptly put it. (Actually, when I think of his previous owners I want them to roast in hell...)
Our rescued Great Dane has a black face and the shelter person told me the black or black-faced dogs are the hardest to get adopted. That was a new one on me. Except for his latest eating of my dahlia transplants, he is the sweetest guy.
The truth is most of the messages are meant to sell something. Now with AI, these messages take a life of their own and are published Ad infinitum - a mirror within a mirror within a mirror effect. Once you start googling, you will be targeted with the same messages. So yes, because of your social media history, the same messages will continue to overwhelm you. The only thing you can change is you - what you read, people you interact with who are vetted, you know, you trust, and your life outside of the thunderdome.
The final on Friday for my Freshmen is "The Social Dilemma" movie guide. It is so critical for kids to develop the metacognitive skills to realize what you just did? Why am I getting these messages that make me feel bad.
Following the blog of a person with good instincts, a gentle style of revealing her own wins and mistakes, and zero judgment while building up the readers is how I do social media.
So when I want a good recipe, I go to the several professional chefs I trust. When I want to check on a new medical trend or a diagnosis I might have, I go to one of three trusted medical sources (Mayo Clinic, etc.). Never to "influencers" like Instagram or FB or Pinterest or the like.
And, yes, the first sentence refers to Kristen.
You are so kind, Erika. Thank you.
And yes, I am super picky about where I will trust health advice! There's so much sketchy pseudo-science out there.
@Kristen, and don't laugh about it publicly because the person you thought was smart just went for "shaman training" and can "clear negative emotions via crystals and an eagle's feather" and on and on, not that that's ever happened to me.
There's a lot of goofy content on Facebook especially. I figure they have trouble finding enough material to fill their pages. I take it all with a grain of salt. However for you who has to put something out there, you know people will take exception to things you write that you thought were benign. I have no advice except to learn what you can from some of the good ideas and try to ignore the rest.
@Carole, Facebook got realllly weird during the pandemic. Super weird. I used to have a dummy account (without my real name or birthdate) so I could keep a lookout on a few family members, but decided to delete it so I don't get sucked into rabbit holes anymore. Also Zuckerburg is rich enough without my eyeballs giving Meta any more views.
I feel this. I'm Gen Z, and I'm always vassilating between deleting all social media, and slowly creeping back on to watch a funny cat video, then the new Taylor Swift concert videos, then I'm reading parenting advice (for kids I yet to have LOL), then I'm reading 1000 different dietary suggestions like Kristen mentioned, then I'm seeing photos of houses and clothes nicer than mine and I feel very discontent. This post made me realize: time to wise up and delete it all again. I just need to read a book, LOL.
@Andrea, Same! The other day I was saying to my kids, "Back in my day, the Internet was called books!"
@Karen A., And in your kids' day, books are called e-books!
Thank you for this post! I totally agree with you 100%! There is a lot of noise and the less I pay attention to it the less anxiety I seem to have. Go figure! I’ve realized that a healthy, satisfying life might just be the less is more mindset. We try to eat whole foods, move our bodies daily, get outside daily and sleep enough. Less time on our phones, even better!
I just watched a video on Youtube that discussed the trad wife movement...the biggest takeaway I got from it was that the "trad wife" content is content creation, thereby a JOB. So in that sense they are not portraying a realistic view of a stay at home mom/wife but women who are the consumers now feel less-than because they didn't get up and make corn flakes from scratch for their family, etc.
I took Instagram off my phone at the beginning of the year. At first my plan was to post once a month, but the sense of peace I had without Instagram was such a relief that I've not done that. The constant noise in my head is gone - before I wasn't posting much but I was "relaxing" by watching reels. Reels come with trending music clips, and a lot of opinions and "this is what you should be doing". The only thing I do miss is connection with IRL friends.
Yes! I have said this so many times myself; if they really wanted to be a quiet, stay-at-home wife, they wouldn't be running an instagram account with 3 million followers. That's not at all a realistic way to live a trad wife life.
I have a related beef about huge "modest clothing" accounts. If modesty is about living a quiet life and not drawing attention to yourself, then how in the world is it modest to show yourself and your clothes to hundreds of thousands of followers? No matter how high your neckline is, I don't think that's particularly modest.
To be clear: I have no beef with showing your outfits to thousands of people every day. I just take exception to the idea that that is somehow modest.
@Kristen, I haven't ever followed any of the "modest clothing" accounts, though I have seen them of course, so I hadn't really thought about how they aren't following the full definition of modesty. Interesting thought.
Most of the people I follow(ed) on Instagram are not content creators, just individuals that I either came across or know IRL. I don't find interest in every post being a veiled commercial for something that I am either not in the market for or can't afford.
Rare commenter here, but wanted to recommend a YouTube video from Dr Andrea Love via the Wired channel. She takes on a lot of the pseudoscience and influencer culture. She’s not a fan of the “bro culture” and biohacking that is so pervasive in the online wellness community. I’m not on social media so I have to manually look up her daily comments, but I do because she’s wonderful!
I spend far less time on social media than I once did. Now that I'm in my 60s, I care far less what other people think. Two years ago I started making more of my own clothes and finding a 'style' that works for me. I do still watch YouTube videos on subjects that interest me and get good ideas, but when I find myself wanting to buy some product the YouTuber is recommending I try to take a step back and consider if it's really for me. Most of the time the answer is no.
Good post! I recently wondered aloud to my husband how many supplements one would take if we took all that are 'recommended' to us on social media and tv. I think we would be full before we consumed actual food - and that doesn't seem like it would be healthy.
Consumers have a lot of responsibility to discern what we need based on our situations. If you hate fruit - then maybe take some vitamin C type of thing. Creators also could stand to remember that not everyone is the same so not everyone "needs" whatever they are selling.
I don't think you push anything. I think you enlighten and encourage people on how to live on less. They may be doing it because they choose to not make a corporate salary so have less to start with or they may have a great salary and be trying to save. You also do a great job of stating that you still appreciate pretty things - you just want to be smart.
Honestly, I take any information that I choose (notice the word "choose"/ no one is making me read anything on or off line; it's my choice) with a grain of salt.
And, no, since I don't take it personally, I don't feel like I'm "doing it wrong."
I have learned more from valid sources online about my numerous health issues. Ironically from legit doctors (with legit sources given for information, although honestly, these days you can't even be sure test results published in medical journals are legit and vetted without bias, if you know anything about what goes on).
I say ironically because almost all the specialists I see give scant information. And if so, some of it is highly biased without them acknowledging that.
I never ever use my phone for social media. Calls, texts and when I'm on, I read on Kindle. I don't listen to music on it.
I don't have cable TV but I subscribe to a few streamers and I watch on my iPad, where I check various notifications (mostly for business).
We have a choice about what we allow into our brains and our lives. We also have a choice about how we interpret and use that information. Again, nobody forces us to check Instagram, Tik-Tok, X, and whatever else is out there. I don't keep track.
Because of my education and professional experience, I am a fact-checker by nature. I know how to tell BS from fact, and where to cross -check. Most people do not do this, and just mindlessly take it in (Which explains the issues with politics today, no matter where you stand. Don't fall for labels, look for verifiable facts and don't just accept misinformation.)
I am tired of individuals who blame social media, the traditional media for all our problems, instead of taking responsibility for our own nature of choosing and reading only what backs up our beliefs, for example. Or just spending hours ingesting what others think. NOBODY GETS TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD BELIEVE OR THINK.
NOBODY GETS TO TELL ME I"M WRONG.
UNLESS...I give them that power. And I don't. I can't identify with Kristen's feeling that I'm being told I'm wrong. I think that's one's own headset that is doing the talking. I was never particularly over confident growing up but I am confident in my ability to think ...something too many adults and others don't know how to do because they are just too lazy. And not knowing is never an excuse. Whenever we hear or say "I don't know..." it should be followed by "But I will find out."
I have always been curious. LIved in the library from age six and spent hours there before we could do our research online. I'm used to logical thinking from my work as a researcher, editor and writer of non-fiction works for business publications and businesses. (I've worked in corporate communications, marketing, sales promotion, public relations, and various types of journalism over the years. If that is a bias in your mind, fine. It just means that I know how stuff is put together and I know the difference between the stuff put out by FOX "news" and the NYTimes or WaPo and network news. And yes, all of those have tendencies in what they cover (or not).
I choose to ignore the junk that is online. Ugh. I have learned a great deal of valuable information that is relevant to my life. (Some of the hacks that are out there are truly time and money-saving and yea, sometimes you have to dig around to find them.)
What you choose to read/watch is up to you. HOW you respond to that is up to you.
Again, I don't feel stupid because I don't know everything there is to know.
Life each day is about learning and there is plenty to learn and that is what keeps me feeling good even on those days when the news is horrific.
I have days when I am not feeling well and I simply avoid anything (dealing with customer service is the biggest thing to avoid!) including anything online because I don't have the bandwidth.
I wrote this before reading others' responses, which I'm interested but again have little relevance to my choices.
I wish people did not rely on social media (ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK) for information on anything serious because there is so much questionable material out there put up by who knows for what purpose. Not to mention all the AI generated stuff.
One must be logical. Discerning. THoughtful. Mindful. When choosing what we "ingest" and how we respond. It's on US.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. Social Media is bad for one's Mental Health. I deleted Facebook back before the 2020 election due to all the political discourse, and I have not looked back. I am not on Twitter/X or whatever it is these days. And when friends constantly send me, via text, Meme's or posts they think I am "missing out on" , I politely ask them to cease. I don't need to see it. It's not funny to me. Ignorance truly is bliss.
Very interesting topic.
I have noticed the same in digital newspapers versus a paper copy of the same newspaper. Even when the article is the same, online the heading is worded as clickbait and usually contains a warning or admonition, "this thing that you do is actually very dangerous..." I notice that reading online gives me anxiety and makes me hop around articles in a way that reading the paper copy never did. Plus, online you have the echo (or screaming) chamber of the comment section, which manages to pull down every argument or positive sentiment.
I can completely understand why the younger generation is experiencing so much anxiety and insecurity about themselves and the world, when we as adults who were able to build up our identities without all this noise also feel it.
Social media still gives me more than it takes, so far I have chosen to stay there. However, I only use it for micro breaks, catching up with people, reading interesting posts in groups, trying not to be caught up in aimlessly scrolling.
@Kristina M., There have been studies done that show people are more likely to watch/read something that is distressing or outrageous, hence why online sites tend to focus on those things...they know it will get them views. Views=ad revenue, so the more views, the more money.
Thanks for sharing a very thought producing post! I have found that since I didn't grow up in the era where there was social media plus being in my middle 60's, I'm much less worried about people trying to tell me how to live. Try telling that to my 4 tween/teen grandchildren. I'm on FB which allows me to keep up on events with family and both in MO & AR. Anyone who makes posts I feel aren't beneficial, delete. No one thing in any area of life works for everyone.
I tune it all out.
They’re a wonderful thing that has come with aging for me. My typically people pleasing personality has learned how to totally tune others out.
All I care about is being a good person, my relationship with God and others.
My comment is probably be dumb but gosh Kristen, this made me laugh so hard out loud this morning until tears ran down my cheeks. I agree with you so completely on the element of noise that is being projected onto us. I remember the days where you could choose to allow the noise in or not - like you could choose to subscribe to magazines or not, go out or stay in, turn the tv on or not. Even though those are still choices we can make, it seems that the noise creeps in more now than ever before and there are many more avenues of noise that we have to shield are hearts and minds from. This is the part that I find exhausting. The part of myself that is constantly trying to make sure that I am not giving into comparison knowing that is the thief of joy, the constant feeling of having to guard my son from things that he is just not ready for at the tender age of 8 like social media or a phone or travel sports or the competition mode that parents go into - I just want him to enjoy being a kid.
I think that this noise is part of what contributes to the mental load that all mothers carry as we are subject to adding all of this stuff to the normal load we carry. It is suffocating and makes me crave time away on a beach or in the mountains far from the nearest city where I can sit with my own thoughts and quiet the noise.
Your blog never hits me as noise but the complete opposite - it hits me as encouragement, okay to be you right where you are and in a very non-judgemental way. For that I am so very grateful. Also you and many of your readers make me laugh and not feel alone in the raising of a child, caring for a family and the life that happens all around that. This community is a gift - don't lose sight of that 😉
Haha, well, I'm glad it made you laugh. That's always good. 🙂
Great thought provoking post, Kristen!
Growing up frugal/thoughtful with every monetary exchange, made me tune out the "you shoulds" wear this, use this make up, eat this...I was the kid who was given a clothing allowance and learned how to coordinate outfits year to year. I lived in a town that was equal part farm and high technology, timber & mills and university. We had the very rich, the very middle and the conservative (my dad was an engineer who traveled 70 miles to work everyday because he wanted us to be raised in a bigger small town like him).
Here's the thing: because I am frugal, I honestly don't care if my fashion choices are the latest hot thing. I don't do social anything, the only apps I use are tools to make my day more efficient. One of my close friends in high school was from the "right" neighborhood, her parents had the speed boat (we had a fishing boat), drove fancy cars and high end vacations. She and I would go to Portland, try on beautiful clothes, go straight to the fabric store and come to my house and sew. She is a famous designer now and we still get together for sewing sessions. I have collected several high end used sewing machines and she loves my sewing studio (all windows, cheerful).
My cousin's daughters are both influencers and both have been models in Europe, NYC. They are in the loop of "do this, not that" and I asked my cousin if she bought into it and she said it was all about the "right now clicks", who goes viral first...yadda yadda. They "have to" wear the right designers, go to the right concerts, drive the right jeep" and then turn around and complain that they can't afford to buy a house. But hey they have the most popular dog breed and flying squirrel...so cuuuuute. like, like, like.
"Everything must be farmhouse" Everything must be shabby chic" "everything is grey, nope now it is earthy browns, mustards and ochre" Yawn. Hype, pfft...
Everyone is welcome at my farm/home. You will be welcome to drink my drip coffee and suntea, sit on my ancient comfortable furniture or sit under the apple tree and visit.
No judgement here, come here to my weak wifi farm, unplug, unwind, breathe and literally smell the roses! When you leave, feeling refreshed, lets snip you a bouquet to enjoy at home if you don't mind my recycled container "vase".
Social media impacts me, but in other ways than you describe. It automatically makes me go to worst case scenario (this is largely the news/politics), and really lose faith in my fellow humans. As a result, that churns up a bunch of stress & anxiety on things I can't control. I try to limit consumption because I don't need to be overly bombarded with negative & often speculative things every day. It's hard to be positive in that situation.
I generally follow a low consumption news diet. With social media, I typically use FB to check out Buy Nothing, and I'm not a big Instagram person. I do check the high school sports site, so I can stay on top of fun pictures of my son's sports team. I don't do TikTok, and have no desire for more media. Reddit is harder, because I do sometimes browse.
Similar to another commenter, I've found that starting during COVID, I became much, much more distracted. I love reading, but really have to focus & not pull out my phone & multi task. It's sad, really, and is something I'm working on. I also meditate, which is supposed to be helpful in the moment, but also rewiring your brain to have more ability to focus over time.
Yes; the urge to "just check really quick" is our brains looking for a dopamine hit, I believe. The intermittent reward system (sometimes there's something there, sometimes there's not) is so addictive.
Whew! I am with you! It is exhausting. I've made my browsing time less and started watching You Tube travel videos. That can make me really want to go many different places but that only lasts for a short while and real life happens again. I've had a short escape and ....back to it!
Kristen does an excellent job of fairly presenting information. And when she offers advice, she makes it clear that she is speaking about what works for her. She doesn't make me feel as if I must agree or embrace what she says.
She is respectful of others and she does not offer advice with the purpose of doing anything other than saying: Here, this is how it worked for me. Or here, consider this.
I never feel pressured at all. It is about tone and word choices and attitude.
Presenting content reminds me of the difference in how some doctors provide information. Some just say: Do this, that. No reason why. No options, no choices. And they hate any questions. Others: OK, here are your options and choices. There is X, Y and Z. Let me tell you the plusses and minuses of each and explain how we can try starting with X and seeing if we need to go with Y. Do you have any questions?
These latter doctors, few and far between, are keepers. The rest? Well, we rarely have a choice in terms of specialists due to access. It is tough.
Remember the old song,"Keep on Trucking"
Well,keep on scrolling!
Yep! Everyone is an expert behind those keyboards while the rest of us are trying to keep all the balls in the air
I think Kristen's "good enough is good enough" and "there's no one right way" attitudes are wonderful contributions to the "advice economy" so I hope she keeps talking about them.
In terms of "internet noise," I think influencers and commenters are two different ecosystems. Influencers are trying to attract people to their content and advice is a very old and very successful genre for a reason. It's also easier to make choices about participating in it.
In comments, outside of the people who just want to throw highly emotional, often unrelated comments around everywhere (are those even humans, or bots?) I think the hard part is when people make critical but reasonable comments and then everyone else either piles on, or the same topic comes up over and over and over again because people encounter the content at different times. I follow a creator who put out something quite different than their previous fare, and it had its imperfections because they were trying something new. There were some reasonable criticisms to be made, but every week new people would find the thing and make the same critique--it was relentless--even when the creator had made changes and improvements based on feedback, because the new viewers were looking at earlier stages in the work. (To give the audience credit, a lot of social media platforms make it pretty difficult to figure out what has been said earlier on a topic.) Even though individual comments were rarely cruel or rude, just the volume was very hard to take and the creator in question admitted it was very hard on their mental health. So I try really hard to read other comments and contribute something different to a conversation, and rarely make a comment that's just an agreement.
I really feel this as a mom of two small little ones. When my firsy child was born, I spent WAY too much time on Facebook, googling, etc to try to figure troubleshoot and ended up getting a lot of conflicting advice and feeling like I was failing. With my second baby, I’ve relied on past experiences, my mom’s advice, and instinct and am so much happier for it. Having a baby is stressful enough, no reason to feel like a failure too!
@Hannah, *first
I love this post!!! Can't wait to read all the comments 🙂
Kristen,
I have absolutely thought the same thing the past few years about all the "advice" and "useful information" people on social media and the Internet put out there and have definitely pulled back from all of it. It's too much and overwhelming and usually makes me feel worse about myself. That is why I love your blog - you don't do that. You live your life and share some things along the way that others may find helpful if they so choose. That is the feeling I get when I read your blog posts. And the things you share are super helpful and encouraging (freezer challenge, purchasing used furniture and fixing it up yourself for example), and do not make a reader feel like they are going to die an early death if they don't follow these eating rules or use all natural cosmetics. Keep doing what you are doing because this is one of the very few blogs I follow anymore because it doesn't make me feel worse about myself. It makes me feel better!
Oh my goodness, I definitely feel like I am doing everything wrong every single day. My oldest son is married now and I feel like it’s worse because it’s like there’s a microscope calling out all the things I should have done differently with him-as now seen by my daughter in law.
I really did buy into that myth about marriage. I kept trying to be all the things and kept failing. When my husband messed up in our marriage, I thought it was all my fault. I still can hear the voices telling me it is sometimes. It was his fault, he was being selfish. I felt broken.
I don’t wear makeup, never have. I also only wear t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers. I most likely won’t color my hair. It’s way too much upkeep for me. Also I’m almost 50, no amount of hair dye is going to change that. I always feel like I’m not good enough. My house is always a mess. We have spent way more time in therapy than I would like to admit. I am definitely not perfect and by the world’s standards not enough. That’s ok, I’ll take it. It’s enough.
That is one of the many reasons I absolutely adore you Kristen. I love how beautifully authentic and genuine you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. A beautiful blessing in my life.
Sometimes when we are married to an unhealthy person, their voice literally does tell us that it is our fault. And sometimes that message is sent to us from a spouse in other, more subtle ways. But still, the message gets through and it is so hard to get that voice out of your heard. Sending you love!
@Gina M, sweetie, your husband's screw ups are his. Not yours. Not anything you did. As for how you raised your son--literally everyone makes mistakes rearing children. Accept that and move on, and if your daughter in law can't, then WELL, WHATEVS, honey.
If the world's standards say you're not enough, the hell with them. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I realized a few years ago that there are many things that I not don’t need an opinion on, but I shouldn’t have an opinion on. And, I also don’t need to know or want to know every random opinion my neighbors and relatives and even friends have. It makes things much more peaceful.
That is another problem with social media; there is immense social pressure to have an opinion on everything and to "take a stand" about every issue and mannnnn, I just do NOT feel qualified to do that. So many things have way more nuance and history than I am able to learn about and so I cannot have a qualified, authoritative opinion about each issue and event.
@Kristen, a massive issue is that to have an informed opinion means having to study the subject and that, with any kind of learning, comes with making mistakes. There's nothing wrong with that but online people will seriously criticise you for it, and there seems to be very little room for giving people grace. I think it's fine to say that you disagree with someone's stance and why, but there are ways to say it, and there should also be space for people to say they don't feel comfortable or qualified with giving an opinion on particular topics, and/or they are still learning.
Plus, no one can possibly do enough studying to have an informed opinion on every single subject at all times!
This is so thought-provoking and thoughtful, as usual. We're drowning in information, much of it unnecessary, negative, incorrect and/or unsolicited. It takes discipline and self-confidence to curate what you will allow into your head, heart and daily life. Your blog is a safe haven in the stormy seas. I pride myself on usually doing the opposite of what marketers and society say one "should" do. Although I've long done that, being in my mid-60s makes it much easier. I think being a non-competitive person and genuinely happy for what others have also help a ton. When I was craving more connections during COVID, I was doing way more online and have gradually curated that to a much smaller number of sites that I check. I limit Facebook to Buy Nothing and use Instagram to look at family photos of one childhood friend and two of my nieces.
It seems to me that society right now is pushing everyone to optimise everything. Streamline your kitchen, streamline your family and your body and your whole home - with most of the pressure on women, of course. It doesn't really appeal to me but I guess the idea is that if we can perfect our surroundings we can perfect our lives. Which obviously isn't how it works but is an attractive idea.
Advertising now is more insidious as it follows us around online, even if we don't use social media we get pop-ups on websites we frequent.
As a side note, I think there is more division over these things online because people are afraid to be wrong and/or learn something, as things can be misread or misinterpreted. There isn't a lot of nuance. Maybe it isn't such a side note...I guess it ties back to this wish for control as catastrophes, local and global, unfold around us.
Apologies if that was a ramble...I'm having a very long day!
The funny thing is...if we didn't spend hours a day on Instagram, we wouldn't need to streamline things so much and we'd still have plenty of time!
@Kristen, true! What is also ironic is that the creators of these videos often then shame people for engaging with them and wasting time. It seems that women are also expected to justify leisure time more than men are, ie, gardening is okay because it's producing food/something beautiful. It's not enough just to be enjoying time for yourself.
I meant to say before but I've never got a judgemental sense from your blog, Kristen!
I’ve gotten to the age where I just don’t care what other people think of me.
I never felt "You should" on this blog.
I grew up with a family member who was an "expert" on everything, and I heard "You know what you should do? You should..." soooo much, that I don't listen to most people telling me what I should do now, unless it is someone who I respect and who has the genuine wisdom to back it up. However, those people I respect don't say "You should," they make gentle suggestions and only make those when they feel it is completely necessary or requested.
I have stayed on FB to be able to keep up with what family members post. I never post anymore. However, I would not have known about my high school reunion if not for FB, so that presents an issue if I get off of it. I gently mentioned to the organizers that I'm not on FB much and asked if there would be mailed or emailed invitations, but the organizers said that FB was the only way they knew to get the word out.
My family posts less and less, however, and I'm thinking of removing the app from my phone. I never look at it on computer. It is the same with Instagram - I only follow my family members, but they are posting less there, too. There is some funny and entertaining stuff out there, but there is also a ton of garbage and rudeness.
I remember my cousin still wet the bed in primary school. His pediatrician told my aunt and uncle to give him nothing to drink after 4 pm and to have him eat a slice of bread and butter with salt on it before going to bed. Really, that's what he said. I remember the family's upset at that advice. That was another good lesson for me, that not everyone, even those supposedly in the know, gives advice worth listening to.
Haha, that is such funny bed wetting advice! I'm wondering if the bread, butter, and salt were there to increase his sodium levels. Higher sodium levels cause the body to hold onto more water, so I suppose that could theoretically make him urinate less overnight.
But why not just tell them to have him eat some salty foods every night then? I don't know why specifically bread, butter, and salt were the prescription!
I am currently in the process of making funeral arrangements for my dad who passed away 2 days ago. He was 91 years old. He was a teacher and principal of an elementary school at the beginning of his career and after moving, another 23 years as principal of the 4th, 5th and 6th elementary grade students. He also sold cemetery markers and monuments after he retired. He touched a lot of lives but wanted things to be simple. I lost my sister last year. She knew all of the family history and she was always my source of information. And yes, I do worry that I'm doing everything wrong and that I will forget important things or key people and I normally avoid FB but it has been a lifesaver, as far as contacting people who then will contact people for me. I am accepting any help I can get but I do wonder if it's enough and if I'm doing what's right for dad. Can you tell I've never done this before? Something that should be so simple is so incredibly complicated and my brain is mush.
As for you, I hope you ignore everything about what you are supposedly doing wrong. I think, despite what bumps you have encountered, you are doing an amazing job and you are beautiful just the way you are.
@Ranee, I'm sorry for your loss - your dad sounds like he was a great person. I hope you can feel confident and good about the decisions you're making for your dad, and that people support you.
@Ranee, I'm so sorry. Doing the same for my mom who died a few weeks ago.
When I wrote my first book (on art history), I was nervous because who was I? I had no advanced degree, no job as a museum curator or researcher, etc. What I did have was love of the subject and a belief that I had something to say. I resolved that I would do the best I could and if it wasn't enough, whatever.
Of course I got pushback from many museum people, authors, researchers etc who questioned my credentials. But the hell with them--I wrote the book and they didn't. Too bad so sad etc.
Basically: just do the best you can. That's all anyone can expect from you. If others don't like it, too bad.
@Ranee, You sound like you are doing all the arrangements with love. I am sorry for your loss of what sounds like a wonderful father.
When I hit 50, I literally quit caring what anyone, other than dh and my kids thought. I'm happy with me, although many would say I've let myself go - fat, grey and missing a front tooth. My dh still grabs for me and my kids still speak to me. I will listen to my dr. and I do use common sense. I've made it to 55 and I'm happy, beyond what menopause is putting me through but that's a whole other post.
@Jennifer,
I have always loved that phrase, “She let herself go.” It sounds like such a liberating process, a deep and satisfied sighing, an unclenching of the fists, an unfolding of the ankles, a loosening of the corset strings. She was in one tortured shape, manufactured by the desires and profit margins of strangers, and she just let go, like a released balloon perhaps.
I like that way of reframing that phrase!
Yes! Although often for me it ends up feeling like I might be missing some important piece of info that will somehow make my life perfect. I've recently taken social media off my phone and that's helped a lot. I only check it once in a while on a desktop computer.
I've also found it helpful recently to write down some of my goals for the year. It has helped me ignore some of the noise constantly thrown at us.
I gave up. I am overweight and live in t-shirts, yoga pants, and hoodies. I don't do social media unless you count reading blogs. I am now old and get to do whatever I want to do.
Five ways in which Kristen is my favorite blogger -- #4 will shock you!
Hahahaha, exactly!
I have a strong and healthy mixed of good enough and I don’t give a crap. A while aga a younger women ask me if it use to be different. Probably not, the pressure would come from your family, your boss , society, laws and rules. I remember somewhere in my later teenage life ready a women magazine in a doctor office. How to be lean and fine, and how to accept yourself as you are in the same issue. At that precise moment, I realized the game was rigged and it was build to make you feel bad no matter what. To consume, to be formatted too always feel like not good enough, less then. … that week the idea cristalized that what happens in others people head is none of my business, what others think of me is not relevant to me. Very freing for me
I guess I'm an ostrich. I like to look at the pictures. I do read actual posts from family and some friends on FB, but what I usually do is look at pictures of quilts, dogs, sunsets/sunrises, and amazing photographs of space, weather, landmarks, etc. (I rarely read comments on them, because someone always want to say they are photoshopped or something.
On IG, I look at dogs, quilts, deaf/sign language, whatever my family or close friends post, and Down Syndrome children.
I figure that, at 73 if I'm not doing it right, then someone must have changed the rules and I no longer care. 8^)
As my dad always says, “Follow the money.” The way marketing works is to convince you that (1) you have a problem and (2) you can purchase the solution. And social media is just marketing, whether someone is selling beef tallow or face yoga or just ad space. When I remember that someone’s livelihood depends on convincing me that I have a problem for which I can purchase a solution, it’s easier to not take any of this personally. It’s also easier to just stay off it because the whole thing is just one big ol’ infomercial.
I have really seen it be exceptionally harmful for girls and teens. They can never live up to the influencers- and keep buying things that are supposed to get them there. Data say that their mental health is deteriorating rapidly.
Thanks for info about removing browser from phone.
Yes, I think it's especially challenging for young people! If I face challenges even with my adult brain, imagine how hard it is as an impressionable young teen girl.
Social Media often makes me feel this way. To combat that feeling I am not on Facebook much and am very careful who I follow on Instagram. I won't join tic tock or any other apps.
I will say this blog has NEVER made me feel that way and very often your posts with your very real struggles and statagies to combat your own negative feelings are incredibly helpful. I also love the comments, even though I don't usually post.
Laughing, because subscribed to the Oprah magazine when it first came out, because she was a role-model for my aging self. Then I canceled my subscription because every issue had articles about improving myself. Same thing now!
Yes. And it is also heavily correlated with social media use. Reducing consumption of advice is helpful as is reminding myself that I am making the best decisions I can using the information I have and I trust others are doing the same. But it is sometimes an uphill battle for sure. I love your blog because it does not bring on these feelings!
I keep in mind that these "suggestions" are just another person's opinion. Is my self-esteem so fragile that I will allow someone else's opinion dictate how I should live my life? In my teens and early 20s, probably yes. Now? Just on face value? Not a chance. You know what is said about opinions: everyone has them. Take what you like, leave the rest, and consider the source.
You summed it up very well - too many voices nagging and correcting and advising. That is one of the main reasons I have no social media except for your blog (and my own).
You don’t make those I-will-fix-you statements. Instead, you just say what you are doing, why, and if it works for you. You don’t should on people. (yes, “should” as a verb)
We all get to choose what to listen to and what to ignore, because we are in charge of ourselves.
"Have you ever had this, “You’re doing everything wrong!” feeling?"
Literally all my life. As an autistic weirdo AND an introvert who was born into a large, noisy family of mostly extroverts, this has been my life. The internet used to be a haven where I could get away from all that and find people who were more like me. In some ways, it still is (this blog being a great example!), but now that virtually everyone is online and everything has to be monetized, there's certainly a lot more of that noise you're talking about.
Therapy and limiting my time on social media as well as most other forms of media have been the biggest helps. Finding places like this where people are kinder, and more my speed in general, is still the best thing about the internet for me. I try to embrace the "good enough" attitude and remember that all those people who would say I'm doing life wrong aren't actually trying to help me, they're trying to help themselves in one way or another, either by making money or feeling good about "helping" others.
I usually march to the beat of my own drum. If someone gives me unsolicited advice I say, "that's all you, not me". Maybe because I am hardheaded? Or maybe secure in my mostly well thought out life. Who knows, but I don't feel like there's a once size fits all approach to most of life...and comparison is the thief of joy. For that reason I uninstalled Instagram and paused FaceBook. I don't want or need to mindlessly interact to know I am on the right track for me.
Baby, you are doing everything right!
Now, go put that on a stickie note and stick it to your phone.
I have been reading your blog since nearly the beginning. Only once have you said something that deeply shamed and hurt me and I still remember it.
Only one other time have you posted something that I found a sad take.
That's 15+ years of blog reading! That's an incredible stat!! Go you!
You are a bright light on the Internet, and I'm sad to read that the noise affects you so deeply. I ignore it easily.
And truthfully, now I want to go read about beef tallow sunscreen. That's a thing?! Is it stinky? Does it work?
I can't use American sunscreen on my face. It burns my eyes so much.
Aww, I am so sorry to hear that I said something that hurt you. <3
But I am glad that that's the exception and not the rule.
Beef tallow...I do not know of any evidence-based recommendations about it being effective. The small companies that make it tell me it works, but I would want to see some outside source before I believe it!
I personally believe that too much sunscreen is harmful. That our skin reacts to the way it's treated and we should trust it. (That's not very well put but I'm tired now.) We need Vitamin D badly.
I think if you only use sunscreen occasionally, your skin learns to deal with it. I have red hair, blue eyes and freckles, but I don't burn as easily as some of my tender-magnolia-blossom friends because my skin is used to the sun. I use sunscreen only when I'm spending hours at the beach.
I feel the same way about all the ridiculous skin moisturizers and toners etc people make such a fetish about. If you don't slather your skin with moisturizer, it makes its own. I literally use nothing but castile soap on my face (and sometimes dish soap if that's all that's around) and everyone compliments my skin. Stop wasting so much time and money on skincare you almost certainly don't need.
@Kristen, My grandma used bacon grease (from the can eternally sitting on top of the stove) as a moisturizer in the winter. She said all the women did it when she was growing up (which was in the early 1900s, she was 13 and remembers when the Tsar was overthrown). I don't care for bacon but love the smell because it reminds me of her. Although after my husband eats bacon I tell him not to kiss me because it smells like my grandma is coming in for a smooch.
Haha, I love that!
I think there was plenty of "noise" always, but now it's personalized noise. If you say X, everyone will think they can weigh in and say "No, Y is better" or "You need to do Z" or "A is the only possible thing."
See, here I am doing it too. ;o)
I stopped women's magazines when I finally woke up to the fact that they tell you how to "be healthy" and always had a great diet, plus a recipe for a 3' high decadent chocolate cake. And lots of suggestions on how to spend your money on things that you don't need or want, because you were supposed to to "look pretty", be a good wife and mother, catch a good husband, etc. UGH!!!!
And teen magazines were the WORST. 60 pages of ads to buy makeup and clothes to make you look pretty to attract the unattainable teen idol, plus an article that always said "beauty comes from the inside". I'm not very attractive, so does that mean I'm inherently a terrible person???
Good for you, setting boundaries. I choose to ignore the noise because there is some value among the chaff. But boundaries are a good thing.
Yes! Another vote for social media on the computer only. It is so much easier to go weeks between viewing it and then not even care too much when I do log on.
People (including my mother-in-law) send me links all the time for social media stuff and I just have to say, sorry I can’t see that on my phone. I have those blocked.
My question is, how did these people on the internet get so smart about everything?? I mean, they even know when I, a complete stranger, am doing something wrong! Wow, pretty impressive! (Lol)
I am sure I have said it before but one of the highlights of my life was when I was at work and the last person to speak up in a go around the table and give your opinion. I finished and the moderator asked me if I realized that I was the lone dissenting voice and did I not listen to the opinions of others when giving my opinion. I realized at that moment that unless I was looking for information, I did not care very much what other people thought, I was going to do what I thought was right. Unfortunately, because I do not know when to shut up, I quoted the old adage "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one."
I read four blogs, only two consistently. I don't do any other social stuff because after about a year of FB I realized I was wasting my time on it and had read fewer books that year than ever before. So, no more social media like twitter or other stuff. I grew up in a house with no phone and then a boarding school with one phone and you had to pay to use it and could not use it until all the girls were done with their chores, so I really never learned to like phones. I carry a cell when I am driving alone and when I am in the garden, in case I fall over so I can call my husband for help. So no social stuff there either.
I credit my boarding school, which was very isolated, and then over 50 years in (often) extremely rural Alaska at a time when the villages had only one phone for the entire town, no TV and before internet, with not caring about fashion, make up, or things like shaving my legs. Since a lot of ads I see now are for those things, I tune them out. I totally do not understand the concept of influencers or why anyone would be interested in what random people have to say or recommend. When I hear my teenaged garden helper talk about how he needs to develop his brand, that one of his teachers talked about how all of the students need to develop a brand so that they will look good to colleges, I wanted to weep. I often thank the heavens that I am old and not trying to negotiate the world today.
I also credit being born with a life threatening defect that got worse suddenly in my early teens. When you are so ill you pray to die, other things fall by the wayside pretty quickly. When you wake up every morning for years mad that you did not die during the night, picking up a teen magazine showcasing everyone else having a great old time has no appeal. And by the time I was chronic instead of deathly ill, all that stuff had passed me by. I have spent a lot of my life feeling like an alien and that can be very lonely, but it is very freeing, too.
I love that you are so comfortable dissenting!
I had to laugh - particularly at the 1950s we "women should know our place and what we need to do to stay in it". I'm positive I was born in the right era - otherwise I'd likely be dead.
When it comes to life, one does what works for her/him/them. "Daycare is bad" but when you call it pre-school, it is okay. So ignore the voices, nothing there to see.
Nah, I'm not very sensitive to all this stuff. I'm self assured in who I am/my values, what I want and what my self-worth is without all the fluff. And I don't do social media.
Everyone has something to say about... well, everything. And no one agrees with everything, so who's right?
Someone thinks A-B-C is better (or worse) than E-F-G? Ok, cool. You do you, I do me.
Someone wants to judge my appearance, parenting skills, food choices, house decor, weight, height, nose hair? Knock yourself out!
I don't care what others do, and I don't understand why people care so deeply about what others do. I mean, don't you have enough to worry about in your own life?
The older I get, less and less tempted I am to ''plead my case'' and try to convince people that this choice or that choice is soooooo much better. People will usually not care anyways and keep doing what they are doing. All good 🙂
My new motto is "Let Them". Let them judge, let them be dumb, let them say what they want, let them judge me, let them learn by their own mistakes, let them. I will stay in my lane and do what I know is best or at least try to. If I learn a new way to do something from social media then ok....but most of the time it's just entertainment.
What always amazes me about the “you’re doing everything wrong on the internet” arguments is somehow I will always manage to be wrong on both ends. Like I’m a pretty middle of the road follow the data and see where I land kind of person. So on any given topic people on both sides of the issue will tell me I’m wrong. It feels impossible to win. I suppose it’s a good thing we can pick and choose what advice to take. I also find it much easier to ignore internet advice than unwanted in person advice.
I have read many blogs over the years. Who is the longest running blog in my feed? .....The Frugal Girl. Mainly because you have a "one size does not fit all" blog. I feel good and inspired after reading your blog. Not because of an ideal of perfection but of your presentation of finding beauty, simplicity, and happiness in everyday life.....even the tough days, or weeks, or months. Reading your blog is like talking to a best friend. It's real, it's not perfect, and it brings joy into your life. Thank you for opening up your experiences, you truly bring joy to the world (& especially the Internet.)
Here’s where being a cynical coot is advantageous. My first instinct is to ask ~why~ these people are telling me this. The answer, of course, is to sell me something. I generally have no trouble ignoring the pitch. The golden method of marketing is to invent a need then fill it.
It’s people who really do have my interests at heart who need to win me over. This includes, ironically enough, blogs such as Kristen’s.
Just like a tv program, all this noise, is to either sew discord among people, confuse, re program your thinking, sell products etc.
So I do a fact check analysis.......
Good topic. Food for thought. Thank you.
I figure if you're not living my life, why should I care about what you think I'm doing "wrong"
As a retired journalism teacher, I remember studying advertising, a giant industry that is an American invention that has ballooned. One of the premises of ads is to make you dissatisfied with the status quo, in order to interest you and sell you a "solution." So, the ads tell us we are ugly so we need makeup; we are fat so we need diets; we are X and need Y at $$$$$. You are smart to turn off the faucet. Real needs come from our inner selves. You are beautiful; you look great; your clothes last longer than most; you are managing the difficult period of doubt that must follow the end of a long relationship, and very well, as far as I can tell. I used to love surprising my students by asking them to turn off the ads. Many were unable to do it and surprised when they started analyzing the ads at the obvious formulas and manipulation. You can make a conscious decision to fill your head with something better, and you have a head start. You go girl!
Social media have been infected with even more repetitive and powerful ads than TV used to have. I hope to protect myself from their poison, much of it computer generated and making absolutely no sense. I'm embarrassed to admit how many times I've fallen for stupid premises to follow a long series of entries in a "story" that is just ads, all the way. Time management is a challenge in retirement as social media is easy to fall into, but it really has little to offer when it is not connecting you with real people, or with a community such as you have built with your blog. Cheerfully, I almost always like the "before" pictures better than the "after" pictures in those fashion/makeup ads--I am too old to look like a clown, or a misguided teenager! So often, a clean face with healthy skin is much more comfy for me anyway. My DH and I have a running joke when we leave the house for any event: if our wits and our senses of humor are with us, we are dressed OK and won't pay attention to anyone who says otherwise.
Thank you for (1) this post and (2) all of the writing you share.
Actually, I think your style is the anecdote to what you're describing here. Reading your blog relaxes me. When I (again) feel like I don't know how to cook dinner for my family, I (again) read your posts and remind myself a dinner of X + Y + Z is done and done is better than perfect.
I don't want this to come across as a backhanded compliment, but in truth the simplicity, straight forwardness, and good enough attitude you bring to your life has been a gift to mine.
Haha, I didn't take offense to it. I'm actually really happy that I've inspired you to have a "good enough" approach!