What do you think about prenuptial agreements?

I was listening to an episode of the How to Money podcast recently, and one of the topics in a Friday Flight episode was...prenuptial agreements.

I thought, "Ooh, that would be an interesting thing to discuss with the Commentariat!"

So, let's do it. 😉 I'll tell you what I think, and then you can do the same.

(Just in case anyone doesn't know what a prenup is, here's a good explanation.)

Then: I did not have a prenup

Back in 1997, when I got married, I was a mere 19 years old, and my worldly assets were quite unimpressive.

I did own a car outright, and I had a decent savings account for being 19, but it's not like I brought a whole lotta wealth into the marriage, and neither did he.

No one would have thought, "Ooh, Kristen needs to protect her 1993 Dodge Shadow with a prenup!"

Also, at the time, I was staunchly anti-prenup. I would have told you that signing a prenup was just planning for divorce, and OF COURSE I was not going to get divorced!

(Narrator: Ummmm.....)

Now: I would get a prenup

(Do not get excited here: I have no current marriage plans because I AM TOO FREAKING BUSY to even have a relationship. 😉 )

Past Kristen would be horrified at Current Kristen, but yes, if I get married again, I will work out a prenup with New Husband.

Why?

1. I have assets

I may have been pretty penniless in 1997, but in any second marriage, I will be bringing assets. That's quite a different situation from before, when pretty much all of my assets were acquired during the marriage, and were thus marital property.

2. You can't NOT have a prenup

As Joel pointed out on the podcast, when we get married here in the U.S., we have a default prenuptial agreement. It's just whatever your state's rules are about property and custody arrangements in the event of a divorce.

So, you can't really not have a prenuptual; it's really more a matter of whether you want the state to decide the terms or if you want to decide the terms.

It's kind of like choosing not to have a will; at that point, the state will handle your affairs according to their rules. It's a will by default.

And in the same way, if you get married without a prenup, you just have the default prenup.

3. I think a prenup could be made with love and generosity.

When a divorce happens, it is not a great time to try to split things with love and generosity. I'd rather make those decisions with a soft heart.

And I think that if my prospective partner and I are both coming into this with open hearts and good intentions, the process of a prenup is not going to break us. If he can't handle a prenup process, he's not the one for me.

I'm gonna be kind and reasonable about it, and anyone I choose to marry is also going to need to match my kind and reasonable energy. 😉

(Also: I'm assuming he will be arriving with assets, and I will be happy to legally assure him that I am not out for his money. I do not need a relationship for money; I pay my bills on my own!)

4. A divorce without a prenup is wildly expensive.

I paid over $36,000 in legal fees to get divorced, and that was without going to court. It would have been much cheaper to go through the legal process of drawing up a prenup.

Also, a divorce without a prenup can take forever. Mine took two years, and by the time everything was finally ALL untangled and separated, it was closer to two and a half years.

5. Sometimes, divorces are a sad necessity

I was a poster child for someone who was not going to get divorced, but hello, here I am. Honestly, I don't think many people get married thinking that they will get divorced, but look how many end up here.

Also, sometimes divorces are not up to you; your spouse could choose to leave. So, regardless of how committed you are, I still think it's wise to have a prenup in place.

A friend of mine pointed out that you buy fire insurance even though you do not plan to have a fire at your house (and even though you will actively try to prevent a fire at your house!)

I still will take a marriage seriously, with a deep level of commitment. But I now know things can happen that are out of your control, that a marriage can become untenable, and that it's wise to be prepared.

Related: I will still consider combining finances

On a practical, day-to-day level, I would be happy to have joint bank accounts and a shared budget. I won't be approaching a marriage with the idea that we'll be living separate lives; the prenup will just exist to be used in the event the marriage ends.

Also, in writing the prenup, I would be mainly focused on separating and protecting the assets we bring into the marriage; for assets gained during the marriage, I'd want to agree to split those evenly in the event of a divorce.

Tell me what you think!

If you had to do it over again, would you get a prenup? If you get married in the future, will you sign one?

P.S. I want everyone to feel ok sharing their views about prenups, either for or against, so just keep that in mind as you share about whatever your perspective is. 🙂