Q&A | piano questions, plus a painful memory question
As I read the comments after I shared the video of me playing with an orchestra, I realized that a lot of you have never seen me play the piano. I have posted quite a few videos of me playing on my Instagram, but I forget that not all of you are there!
If you click here, you will be taken to my Instagram Reels page, and if you scroll through there, you'll find a fair number of piano videos. I have no idea if this works without an Instagram account, though!
A few piano questions to start us out; first off, someone was surprised I didn't major in music. I did plan to do that, but I developed some pretty bad overuse syndrome problems in my hands, wrists, and arms as a teen (too much practicing), so that kinda put a music major out of the question.
However, I did teach piano for 20 years, and I also spent 10 years being the primary church musician.
Sooo, despite not getting a degree in music, I feel like I have spent plenty of time in my life putting my musical training to good use.
Do your kids like to play?
-Kris
I did teach all of them the basics of playing the piano, and some of them have run with it more than others. None of them are as into the piano as I am, though! 🙂
Do you play by ear?
-J
Not generally; I mean, I'm sure there is some connection between my ears and my fingers, but I am not a person who can typically just hear something and then play it.
I am a very visual learner, so once I have seen a piece of music printed out, it's much more likely to stick in my head after that.
It's just like how when I see someone's name written down, I will almost always remember it. But if I just hear someone's name, I am much less likely to be able to recall it.
1. DID YOU MEMORIZE THAT?? I saw no music on the piano (blurry video)
2. Were you aware of the conductor? I am so impressed that you just were perfect with the orchestra.
3. Speaking of perfection, how in the world did you manage that with zero mistakes? Don’t you get nervous??-Central California Artist
These questions made me smile; you are so kind.
One
Yes, I memorized that. I memorized scads of piano pieces over the years because every time I played for a judge or in a competition or for a grade, the music had to be memorized.
Luckily for me, once I have played a piece enough times, I usually end up memorizing it without a lot of extra effort.
The piece I played with the orchestra was a fairly simple one, but once you get into complicated music with tons of notes, you really do have to kind of memorize it in order to play it.
Human brains can't really read that many notes that fast, and by the time you're fluently playing a hard piece, the printed music is more of a memory jog than it is something you're actually reading.
Still, it is very stressful to have to perform something from memory; there is always a worry that you will have a brain cramp and completely forget what you are playing.
Once when I was a teenager, I was performing a Bach piece for some judges and as I looked down at my hands, the keys suddenly looked like a confusing sea of black and white and I completely stopped playing. I could not remember anything! Sigh.
The next time I played a Bach piece for a judge, I shut my eyes the whole time. I think they probably thought I was really into the music, but I really was just trying not to lose my memory again. Ha.
Two
Yes, I could see the conductor; even though I wasn't looking at him, I could see his hands moving.
Also, by the time the performance happened, I had been practicing that piece for months, and I'd listened to the recording a zillion times. So it's not like I needed tons of guidance for where my parts came in.
Three
Yes! I did get nervous. And as I said above, sometimes my nerves have gotten the best of me. But I am grateful that this time was not one of those times.
In my adult years, I played for church every week for ten years straight, and that did mostly take care of my nerves. After you are playing in front of people week in and week out, you do lose some of the nervousness (or at least, I did!).
I’m curious, is it hard continuing to use items from your many years of marriage? I’m such a sentimental person about items. I would think that with some things I would be fine, but others would have too painful or too lovely (and therefore painful) memories attached.
-Molly (she asked this after seeing the Christmas tree stand I rehabbed)
My noncommital answer: it depends.
I think when it comes to the spectrum of "sentimental about items" I am probably slightly toward the non-sentimental side of things, so that helps.
Also, in my mind, there's a difference between a baking sheet and something more personal or something that was more co-owned.
For instance, I am the one who cooked and baked, so the baking sheets feel like mine and I have no issue using them.
On the other hand, I didn't take a single thing from the bedroom at my old house besides my clothes. In my bedroom here, I have entirely new furniture, decor, and a new bed, and I am very happy about that.
(by "new", I mean "new to me". Almost nothing in there is new, and almost all of it was free!)
I do have a lot of painful marital memories, but these memories are rarely triggered by items. I think I am more triggered by places.
For instance (and I think I might have written about this, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself), a little while back I was driving home from Aldi, and I saw a building that made a memory from 2014 pop up to the surface.
Tears sprang to my eyes (always the combo of sad/angry tears), and I cried the whole way home. This was a few months ago, though, and now that I have cried and processed that memory, I can drive by that building without feeling all those feelings.
I also have done some reclaiming of places by going there by myself or with someone else, and basically trying to overwrite the bad associations I have there (like at a restaurant or an amusement park).
Once I've done that, the place usually feels better to me.
I wonder if that kind of thing could be done with possessions too; I'm imagining that a person could sit with the item's memories, cry over them, feel angry, and then perhaps the item could feel ok in the future.
Also, I think items could be reclaimed in a similar way to how I have reclaimed places; I now think of this Christmas tree stand as mine. I fixed it up, gave it a fresh lease on life, and I feel like it belongs here with me now.
On the other hand, there are definitely some possessions that I could not manage to disentangle from marital memories (imagine keeping wedding rings!!) and I think it's just fine to sell/donate stuff that you can't see a way to peacefully keep.
Honestly, I think there's a whole range of ways to handle this, and most of them are just fine. Every person has to figure out their own way of navigating in a way that feels comfortable and healthy for them.
______________
And that's it for this round of questions! Usually at the end of these posts, I ask for reader input, but the piano questions are sorta hard to do that with.
However, I'd love to chat about the last question!
Let's talk about items, memories, and sentimentalism; I'd love to hear your perspective.
P.S. Got a question for me to answer in a future Q&A? You can leave it in a comment here, or you can email me (thefrugalgirl@gmail.com).
I would love to read about your volunteer work. In previous posts you mentioned the food bank and a cat shelter. What organizations are you currently volunteering for and what tasks do you perform?
On the subject of wedding rings: I know a woman who had her wedding ring melted down and made into a new piece of jewelry...
My husband passed away 5 years ago at 53. I am sentimental about literally everything he's touched. I still have his toothbrush. Someday I might feel differently but for now I hold onto everything I want to and I clear out the things I don't feel sad about getting rid of. I'm giving his tools etc. to the kids as they need them.
@Jill A, I get that. I found some stuff with my grandmother's handwriting on it but couldn't get rid of it.
@Battra92, I have as piece of paper with an old telephone number that my grandma jotted down. It's pinned to the inside of a cabinet door (it was her cabinet before). I will never get rid of that. (And that's okay!)
@Jill A,
I feel the same way about some things that were my dad's (one of his favorite flannel shirts, for one) and some things that were my beloved mother-in-law's (a faded vintage Pyrex mixing bowl, recipes in her handwriting).
@Battra92, You can take pics or scan items that are on paper and also keep a digital copy. On a drive and even online. I have my parents handwriting and sketches my dad drew.
@Jill A, My brother died 22 years ago and I still have his address written down in my address file box.
I am so happy to hear you're giving the tools to your kids. My husband was really hurt when his mom told him she'd given his dad's tools to his dad's old "golf buddies". My husband has a lot of good memories of working out in the garage with his dad, with those tools, and is himself a very handy guy...so those tools would have meant a lot to him. But she didn't even ask.
@Battra92, I have the last letter my mother wrote me at college. It is dated 4/5/75 and she passed that day.
@Karen A.,
I understand your hubby's hurt feelings. The first time my mom downsized, she kept telling me to "come over and take whatever I want". I was working full time and I had a small child at home; I couldn't just come by any time I wanted to. Without any warning, she hired a "we take your junk" company to come and clean out her basement. My Christmas ornaments from my childhood, as well as other items, were whisked away because I couldn't get to her house in time. I'm still angry and sad about that.
@Maggie, I have a list of tractor parts my dad wrote out. He was embarrassed about his writing skills -- only went through 8th grade in South Dakota -- and rarely wrote anything. I will always keep that list in my wallet. I understand.
@Anita Isaac, Whoa!!
I think I lean towards not sentimental about stuff too. Pictures bother me. Places bother me. but stuff doesn’t hold that kind of weight for me. I wonder how much this will change down the road.
@Kaitlin, When my son was about 16, I drove all four of us to the beloved local beach where I grew up and they grew up swimming. I had a panic attack on the way because I knew somehow it would be the last time the four of us went to the beach together. I couldn't explain why I knew, but I did.
And I was right. It was the last time, ever.
Yes, this is how I feel too. And it is one reason that it is kind of a mercy to be living here in my rental and not in the family home. There is nothing in my current home that triggers any hurtful memories.
@Rose,
That is heart breaking. I know you're not a hugger, but sending you comforting vibes.
@Liz B.,
Me too! Vibes/or whatever you want to call it, to you!
@st, Thanks, folks. When I'm not in self pity mode (uh, every other Tuesday? 🙂 ) I remind myself that I have everything I wanted in the divorce, including the closeness and love of my children. My daughter hasn't spoken to him in ten years and my son has an arm's length relationship. (I actually, for their own sakes, wish they had better relationships with their father who they used to adore, but I acknowledge that it's not my problem. And of course some tiny bitter spirit who looks like me with red demon horns is hooting to herself.)
Thank you for talking about the piano playing. I currently have 3 children taking lessons (last year at this time I think I had 0). Another son has been practicing at our old, cast-off piano and plans to start lessons in the fall. This year has been filled with music! And it's interesting for me to read about learning/playing since I didn't.
I kept my wedding ring. I couldn't bear to get rid of it. I feel bad every time I see it in my jewelry box but I don't know what else to do with it. I remember taking it off at my wedding and reading the inscription which I hadn't seen before.
I wish I had an answer about things like wedding rings and wedding pictures, but I don't. My wedding was one of the happiest days of my life; I can't destroy the physical evidence.
I feel sentimental about things, I guess. I'm surrounded by BFF's things now, her treasures which she left to me in her will and her brother sent up here. Right now, they're mostly making me feel bad that BFF is no longer here, but she's only been gone since Christmas and my grief feels very raw still.
@Rose,
A couple of years after my divorce, I threw my wedding band out of my car window and onto the interstate and it felt so good! Cathartic, and I never have to see it again. To me, it didn't feel right to sell it or have it made into something else. It's been almost 20 years since I did that, no regrets. I did save a few wedding photos incase my children ever want to see. So far, they have never asked.
@Rose, you could have it turned into a pendant instead. My parents divorced. I ended up with their rings later. I gave dad's to my brother.
@N, I go by N, too! Perhaps we need further distinction? I was reading the comments and thought, “What?! Is this an alternate life?!”
@Amie, My best friend's parents had a very....acrimonious relationship, but when her mother passed her father had his and her mother's wedding rings melted together and made into two pendants, one for my friend and one for her sister. I thought that was really interesting.
@Rose, When my grandmother died, my grandfather took her wedding ring--which had a band of diamonds--and had four diamonds taken out and put into four pendants, two for me, and two for my cousin (his only granddaughters). He had the other four diamonds put into a "gold nugget" ring that he wore until his death, and then it passed to my brother.
@N, Ha! Someone else a couple weeks ago signed in with "Rose" which gave me a little jolt, especially since Rose is not my real name.
Maybe I should dump the ring in the ocean. IDK. I was thinking about it again this morning, feeling miserable, should I get rid of it, not, and this thought streaked across my brain: "What if he comes back?" Ugh, shut up, brain.
@Rose, If for some reason, he comes back, you both will be different people at a different time.
@Karen A., I was given a ring my grandmother had made of her engagement diamond and my great-grandmother's too--I loved it. I wore it to the beach and the larger diamond fell out and I could not find it. I was distraught.
I had the smaller diamond set into a beautiful rose gold band I designed myself. Then my renters from a couple years ago stole it and most of my other jewelry.
Wow, this has been a very very painful Frugal Girl day for me! SIGH. I get so tired of being such a damn loser so often, seriously.
@Rose, I'm not sure if you're a hugger, but if you are, I wish I could give you one. You are not a loser. You have _lost_ often, of course, but that isn't who you are. Having hard times and difficulties does not define us!
@rose I second what @Karen A. says-you are not a loser. Rough things have happened, but that does not have to define you.
@Rose, my sister had a bonfire and burned her wedding dress. All her girlfriends were there. She sold her wedding and engagement rings then bought herself a Rolex.
I think that personally I would consider having my rings remade into another piece of jewelry. It is symbolic - out of the old comes something new and beautiful.
@Rose, between my wedding dress and wedding ring, I always hoped I'd find a tiny couple getting married on a shoestring and give these things a new life.
@Bee, m?My parents are divorced and my mother had her wedding ring redesigned and gave it to me as a a graduation gift.
@Rose, a friend of mine went through a rough divorce. She decided to sell her wedding ring and use the funds to give to a couple who were struggling financially to pay for their simple wedding. They used the money to buy a new wedding ring. She said that the act was very healing for her. It helped her get rid of a painful item, but also knew that she was doing so without giving up completely on her belief in the institution of marriage. And of course, the act of charity is always cathartic. Do what you connect to best.
I had a really hard time with the issue of stuff right after my husband died. Everything belonged to me now, and I could do with it as I saw fit. I almost immediately removed all of his clothing from the house, save a couple coats, and I used his dresser to store some of his other belongings. I could not look at those clothes every day - I just couldn't. Lost a husband, gained a giant walk-in closet all for me. For the jewelry he gave me - I love it and wear it, but I had to reconcile the memories attached to the items. Same with the Christmas tree. Sad memories pop up with the happy ones, and they live together in my head. But a the end of the day, its just stuff.
I can imagine how very different it is when you are dealing with a death vs. a divorce. There's some overlap for us, but also some definite differences.
Your comment about "overwriting" painful memories reminded me of that book I mentioned here once a bit ago by Lisa Genova. I think you'd like it. It's "The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting."
I will check it out!
For me it depends on the item and what it triggers. I kept some pieces of my mom's jewelry and some of my dad's clothes after they passed. They are a source of comfort and sometimes I feel a bit sad, but more comforted overall when I use them. I did keep a ring a former boyfriend gave me because I liked the style so much. I decided to make it mine by replacing the stone with my birthstone, (actually a "lab created" one as that was what I could afford). Now I feel like I gave myself that ring and can wear it without remembering the breakup.
I am very sentimental and have a hard time parting with things. I know they are just things, but the memory of the recipient is there and maybe that's why I have a hard time parting with those things?
My sister inherited my mother's condo and she knows its too much for her. She lived there with mom the whole time and spent a lot of that time taking care of mom. She is having a hard time parting with a lot of things - especially the condo. So while she knows she has to eventually get rid of a lot of mom's stuff and the condo, she is just not ready yet.
At some point, you do realize, "it's time" and will part with things. It has happened to me before (and it took years, together with packing and moving!).
And I believe those are definitely different from marriage/divorce sentimental things.
100%! Things left from a happy relationship are very different than things left from a hurtful relationship.
@Kristen, for sure! The things I kept from 2 parents are different from things kept from the 3rd parent. The former bring happy, loving memories, and the latter just make me annoyed, haha. Still different from a relationship that ended without a death, but interesting how there's variation.
@Kristen,
Exactly. Items our friends left us or that they gave us before they pass, while often triggering sadness, also bring joy. Especially if the item was something you used together or did together.
It seems at times as if the world is split into a sentimentalist as myself and those who would easily toss everything out ASAP when someone passes (this I will never understand and I've seen people do who then regret having gotten rid of things in such haste). I think for some people physical items are just too much memory, more than they can handle.
For some people, divorce is easier if they stay in a home, rather than leave. Everyone is different and, of course, circumstances vary hugely. ANd of course there are practical and financial considerations that tie us to things that make leaving more painful than staying.
Geez, I guess DH and I were more minimalist than I realized. We rarely if ever did birthday or Christmas presents (whenever we felt like buying each other something, we just did it); our wedding rings are simple and cheap (the one time I tentatively suggested an upgrade, he said, "What for? These work," and I loved that answer so much I lost the urge for the upgrade); and 90% of our clothes came (and still come) from thrift stores, so I've had no problem redonating everything he can't use at the nursing home.
All that said, I've still got half a closet full of photo albums I need to deal with, but that'll be a project for next winter. And there are a very few things I can't bear to part with, such as his high school senior yearbook. But on the whole, I'm trying to donate, sell, or otherwise pass things on (as I did this past weekend with the tools I gave to our young friends).
@A. Marie, you are such an inspiration as we all will be facing some form of your situation. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I used to be very sentimental about things until I realized that was one of the reasons underlying my mom’s hoarding tendencies. I do keep some small things from my childrens first year but otherwise I am pretty ruthless.
Well this is a loaded topic for me. I haven’t dealt with divorce, but have many possessions from the deaths of loved ones. I am still dealing with some things from that - whether to keep, give away or toss. Every so often I get the urge & energy to purge, but it is hard sometimes to be as ruthless as I need to be. For instance, (and I think you will appreciate this, Kristen!), I have 2 pianos! One is mine and one belonged to my mother.
Originally a couple of family members indicated interest in my mom’s piano, but neither currently have the space for it. I have thought of donating my mother’s piano, just haven’t made the leap yet. I do believe that she would be okay with donating to some person or organization that would make use of it though. So I just need to buckle down & find a good home for it.
@LDA,
I, too, have struggled with letting go. What I found that helped was finding people who could truly use something I had (whether clothing, furniture, household items). Now when I hesitate about letting go of something I remind myself that someone else could use it and it would have a better home elsewhere.
I think when you have very special items handed down and you have no room and really don't want to keep, the key is finding someone who will value the items as you or your loved one did. (See TV show Cash and Cari where people hire her and her company to do house sales and she truly tries to sell to people who will value the items for sale as the owners and their loved ones do. Some amazing items and stories behind them.)
Yes. I am sure your mom would love for her piano to be used and appreciated by someone!
@LDA, I used to be more sentimental about things. Very sentimental. As I got older, I became less so. Then my mother died, and I had to clean out her stuff when my father moved in with us. Oh, me-oh-my! I tossed so much! Now I am less sentimental; I don't want my children to have to deal with all the stuff.
But I really agree with you about the energy to purge. I can only sort through things for a short about of time before the fatigue sets in.
Re music: I am so glad to hear that so many children are pursuing musical studies. It's so important for brain development, I think. Both my daughter and son took piano and guitar lessons, and in addition, my daughter attended a number of Rock n Roll Camps for Girls in the US. She played guitar and keyboards as part of the house band for a rock camp in Brooklyn, which required several times a week practices. I was so proud to see my girl, her pink Strat strapped to her back, off for her band practices, and for her to take the stage commandingly. (I said, "Be like Jimi!" She said, "Mom, you're gonna get mad if I light my guitar on fire.")
@Rose, Yes, I agree that music education is do important for kids. I still enjoy playing the piano and flute, both of which are instruments I've played since 5th grade. The Rock & Roll Music Camp sounds amazing!
This felt semi-related, but one of the last gifts my Grandma gave me was a collection of Thomas Hardy stories. I hated them! They're so sad and not at all the kind of thing I like to read, but then every time I thought about getting rid of the book I felt guilty. I also felt guilty for not reading it. Anyway, I read Marie Kondo's book a couple of years ago and tried what she suggested. I thanked (out loud) the Thomas Hardy book for carrying the love from my grandma to me before giving it away. It was really freeing even though I felt stupid at the time.
@Emily from NC, I like that solution.
@Emily from NC, I did the same when I left our marital house for the last time. "Thank you, house, for doing such a wonderful job of sheltering me and my children. I love you, I will always love you, you are beautiful and will never be forgotten."
I still can't drive past it on my infrequent returns to town, but the Marie Kondo thing made me feel much better.
What do you think of piano apps such as Simply Piano? I have not been successful at finding a piano teacher for my 8yo. Is an app a good way to start?
Oh, I have never tried any of those apps! So I do not have an opinion one way or another.
As ever your veracity is so powerful.Somewhat of a tangent, but having done all sorts of different jobs to support an artists practise, the ability to play an instrument-which I don't -seems to be one of the most inclusive skills in a medical/hospital/nursing home situation.Maybe not high on a CV resume but one which is always a highlight.
Some of my memories and sentimental items are piano-related! My parents insisted that each of their four children take piano lessons for at least one year. If, after that year, you didn't want to continue, you didn't have to. But if you did, they would continue to pay for lessons. Only my oldest sister (who went on to major in music in college and to teach for a while thereafter) and the youngest child (me) kept going. But all these years later I still remember my first very strict piano teacher (a nun at my mother's high school alma mater) and my very first recital piece, a duet I played (age 6) with my sister (age 16). "Dance of the Wooden Shoes"! To this day I can still hear it in my ear and pick it out on a piano.
But when I went off to college I lost access to a piano and didn't really play again until I moved to NM and bought myself a baby grand. My sister still has the old family upright but doesn't play any more; she has gifted me all her sheet music and hardback collections of Czerny exercises and the complete Mozart and Beethoven sonatas.
My father played the violin in his younger days, and he gave his violin to my sister. He was a classical music lover through and through; the first classical concert (really the first concert of any kind) I went to (age 10? 11?) was Arthur Rubenstein playing with the National Symphony Orchestra. David Oistrakh was my Dad's favorite violinist. When I moved my parents out here after my mother had a quadruple bypass at 76, I would get us series tickets to the chamber music concerts and take them up to the Santa Fe Opera. Those are my best memories from my last years with them, and they have helped to smooth over some of the not-so-great moments as their health declined.
So ... thank you for this post, Kristen! You brought back a ton of memories for me.
I was not really sentimental about tangible items....but then all my parents died and my feelings changed. I know that my parents are not IN the items, or tied to the items, and I have memories separate from the items, but the thought of using things that they used is comforting to me. When I wear my mom's jewelry or see the tea set my dad gave to my mom on their last Christmas together, it warms my heart. And using my mom's metal mixing bowls reminds me of what a great cook she was when I was growing up.
Having said that, I have not kept all that much from my parents, relatively speaking. Others have taken truckloads from the various houses, but I'm still a minimalist at heart and don't like having too much in my home. I picked and kept pieces that are useful or especially meaningful and let other things go over time.
@Brooke, "using things they used" is very comforting! I "inherited" my maternal grandmother's kitchen items because I was the last to set up my own apartment/house and the one who needed them the most. I still have them and think of her every day when I pick up a spatula or take out a mixing bowl.
Yes! I love to have a connection like this with things from my grandma. It's all about how healthy the relationship was.
@JDinNM, I'm starting to realize my entire family is a little bit crazy. I have my great-grandmother's broom "because it's a great broom, gets up everything." My sister and I call it the Sacred Broom. She has my great-grandmother's 1970s iron, with a setting for Qiana, which we call the Sacred Iron.
@Rose, I'm starting to realize that EVERYBODY'S family is a little bit crazy. Once you poke around a little bit...
Yes. We are all a little nuts. Which maybe means that's just normal. 😉
@Brooke, I have a coffee mug that belonged to my grandma and I use it frequently because it warms my heart.
Kristen, thank you so much for answering my questions. I've played the piano since I was about 7, accompanied school choruses in high school, played piano for church, quit for 10 years, and recently returned. My inexplainable nerves diminish my abilities by about 50% on Sunday mornings. Cold clammy hands, can't remember what we decided on each song (how many repeats? skip the bridge? return to the chorus?) and on top of that there is very little written music available, only "lead sheets". I am trying to learn how to chord along (Pianote is a very helpful site), but the congregation could definitely benefit from hearing a strong melody. Sigh. The piano at church is a phenomenal instrument (K. Kawai grand) and it is a real privilege to play it, so I just keep going.
Last year my mom moved, and it was up to me to empty her house. The hardest thing was the over 100 year old grand piano that my dad had grown up with. I gave it to a musical 30-year-old friend for her new house. Unknown to me, she had a terrible drinking problem, lost her job, went to rehab, and sold the house. So we gave the piano to a Catholic Retreat Center not far from my house. They were thrilled, and I can go visit it. (And she is clean and sober, now working for the rehab place.)
But ay-yi-yi, the sentiment. Almost causes physical pain to even think about that piano.
I could go on and on about stuff, places, memories, but this is YOUR blog, not mine! (I don't get this personal on my blog, but there is safety in the relative anonymity of this wonderful community you've gathered together—thank you.)
@Central Calif. Artist, I empathize about the piano. I grew up playing an upright player piano that my parents purchased when they were looking at homes to buy. They saw it in a house that wasn't right for them, but bought the piano. I took 9 years of lessons and my brother also played it for years while taking lessons. Fast forward to when my husband and I bought our first home, my in-laws gave us their piano. When my mom had to downsize a few years later, I didn't feel I could get rid of the piano that came from my in-laws so I couldn't take the player piano that I grew up with. The person that bought my parents house to flip it got the piano too. 🙁
I took piano lessons when I was younger, against my will. My parents couldn't afford lessons for us, so two kind relatives offered us a choice - a year of piano lessons or a year of dance lessons for us. My siblings already were in school band and could play a wind instrument, but I wasn't interested in band - I wanted to dance. My siblings chose piano and I was informed that my parents weren't making two trips to a bigger town each week so my sibs could take piano and I could take dance, so I had to take piano. So I did. And quit it after the year was up. I enjoyed some of the songs I learned - and I just love to hear a piano being played - but my desire was dance. I offered my own kids music AND dance if they wanted, and both chose dance only.
On to the question: I'm in the position of having things left after a divorce and after a death and after having a spouse have to go to a nursing home. I seem to have had a lot of experience with this and I have to say, I certainly didn't request any of that experience.
I cherished nothing after my divorce unless it was truly mine to start with. I sold my wedding set and paid for a plane ticket to go to a family reunion with the proceeds, and was quite happy with that decision.
The things left from my parents and grandparents are few, due to the fire - my parents were also storing my grandparents things after their deaths - and some of it I easily let a sibling have or we gave it away, but I held onto a few things that matter a lot to me. Those items I have bring back happy memories to me, not sad. It's the sight of their former property with a new owner's house and my dad's old barn that makes me sad.
Like A. Marie, I'm getting rid of some of DH's things. I've sold some tools, donated some and kept some, and I'm still working through other things to decide what to do with them. I find I'm not sentimental about his clothes or casual personal belongings, but I have his wedding ring that I had custom made for him and that he loved, and I plan to pass it to someone in the family. Anything the kids want that was their dad's they can have, of course. I find I get unhappy at the things that trigger thoughts of loss - no more Christmases at home together, that sort of thing, so holiday décor can make me sad.
I'm not terribly sentimental in general, but there are some things I just had to keep.
For years afterward, my ex and I continued to work in the same industry, albeit with different jobs. The business was filled with numerous events for the companies and clients and there was many a painful time when I had to attend events and gatherings where he was also in attendance. We simply could not avoid each other. Additionally, for whatever reason, even though we lived in different areas of the same city, we kept running into each other. Took a long while to deal with those pangs.
For years, my memories were trigged by the physical places where we had gone and enjoyed ourselves together (whether working or leisure); encountering certain people (from our professional and private lives) with whom we were close and had shared gatherings also set off some tears (in private; brave face in public).
Memories are often triggered by scent. My ex wore a certain scent (uncommon and not available for sale in US) and on those rare occasions when traveling abroad when I came across that scent, wow, would my heart go reeling.
I don't know if others have had this experience, but clothes can trigger memories. I associate certain outfits/pieces with certain happy events, occasions, etc. This also happened because my ex had over the years purchased clothing items and accessories for me. Many, if not most, got tucked away for years and eventually resurfaced when memories were not as sharp or painful.
Music is also a huge trigger. I can remember the music that was playing when we met; on important calendar dates for things we shared and celebrated. Time has softened those memories or at least I can remember without pain and remember the joy of the moments.
Things? Hmm. Just items that were gifts to me from him. A perfume. A handbag. A favorite kitchen pot or pan.
As painful as memories can be, over time, if we are lucky, we can keep them in their place. Remembering and honoring what was (and not constantly questioning if they were ever real or valid) and creating new memories not to replace them (because really you can't) but to have a new focus for joy and growth
@Irena, I gave away a favorite dress after I wore it to put my cat to sleep. After that day I just couldn't look at it even hanging in the closet. And I have a tattoo of that cat on my entire forearm and photos of her around which I only appreciate, but the dress had to go!
@Rachel, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I completely understand about the dress.
One of the great blessings of modern technology is the ability to digitize photos and documents, as well as the cloud, where we can store them in addition to our external drives.
I read somewhere awhile ago that we should take photos of things we were attached to but needed to give away. In that way, they remain with us, but not actually physically taking up space.
Even after my ex and I split, I could never, even at the most painful times, destroy pix of us over the years. I simply moved them to a separate box. In time, I could open the box and remember things with joy and fondness and not sorrow.
Given the absolute horrific circumstances of some divorces, etc, it makes sense that photos and other items are destroyed or tossed out if one is to heal.
Toss in a hurry and often live to regret.
ONe way to make dealing with a death, is to ask friends/family in advance: Is there anything you want? And, more important, to NOT obligate them to take. Tell them: Do with them as you will. And thank you for doing so.
It's one thing to gift a friend with a small item (a piece of jewelry, artwork, etc.) and another to leave collections of any size or furniture, etc. that cannot easily be integrated in someone else's house. And don't take it badly is they want nothing. Some folks need only their hearts and souls to remember us and vice versa.
Your story of forgetting the Bach piece reminded me of my own experience forgetting music. When I memorized music, I felt like hearing the melody told my fingers what to play next. One time I hit a few too many wrong notes and couldn't remember what came next. I tried to go back a bit but was unable to continue beyond that certain point. So I say down in my seat. Thankfully this was only at church and not a competition of any kind.
Such a terrible feeling!
I do not have an attachment to stuff, but I am attached to fond memories. Since I hold memories in my head and heart, my practical nature takes over and physical items don't seem to have a hold on me. Maybe I inherited this trait from my dad. When I helped him clear out my mom's clothing after she died, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to keep and he replied: "Why? None of it fits me." So funny.
We donated her clothing to Goodwill so that others could benefit. We brought her fine jewelry to the local jewelry store where we got more money than expected and used the proceeds to fund enriching experiences and pay off some expenses. This might be an option for those here who find it hard to part with a valuable sentimental item that is going unused or brings up sad feelings.
P.S. My mom and I didn't have the easiest relationship. After she died, I found myself focusing on our differences and unpleasant memories, so I sat down and wrote down all of her positive traits. Since this filled two pages of thin lined paper, I saw that there was a lot of good, that she did the best she could, and I could see our dynamic in a more generous light. I have reread that list every year for the past 17 years.
@MB in MN, your P.S. Thank you. I need to do this.
None of it fits me. lol! This made me chuckle.
@JDinNM,
Same here. Thank you, @MB in MN.
I had a difficult relationship lifelong with my mother. She was untreated ( refused!) bipolar with a big side of narcissism. Always changing the finish line if you will… never ever did I fully understand or could predict her expectations. She also had wild times of verbal rage.
I slowly overtime donated items that were once hers or gifts from her. I had to reconcile that getting rid of said items brought me more peace than keeping said items.
It is difficult and often feels shameful to have had a terrible relationship with my mom. I sometimes feel other than.
I am 50 and really working on these thoughts and feelings now.
@Stephanie, I am 63 and feel ick/ugh/why over a not-so-great relationship with my mom, who doesn't have bipolar/narcissism or "wild times of verbal rage". Her perfectionism and perpetual dissatisfaction just wore me out as a child and continues to trouble me. So, it seems to me that you have very good reasons for your terrible relationship, and good for you for working on the thoughts and feelings. I have no answers, only admiration for you.
Yes. It is so hard to accept but sometimes a blood relative is just not a healthy person to have a relationship with.
And we do not always owe someone a relationship just because they are family.
@Stephanie, Same here (my mother is not bipolar, as far as I know, but heavy on the narcissism). Also with the verbal rage. It is not shameful AT ALL to have had a difficult relationship with a difficult parent. You were the child, she was the parent, it was not on you to set the tone for the relationship.
I have been estranged from my mother (and my default the rest of the family, who are afraid of her) for 21 years. I used to feel ashamed because people looked at me funny when they learned I am not in contact with my family of origin. But I'm not anymore. I have tried to reach out and been rebuffed; I have tried to mend the breach and been rejected. It does not make me less than. If anything, my family is missing out on knowing me and my awesome husband and kids.
(HUGS)
p.s. I'm turning 50 this year! Another thing we have in common. 😉
@Stephanie, I'm glad you are working through those feelings! You were a child, and what she put you through was not your fault.
My mom was extremely abusive, and I cut ties 15 years ago (I'm early 40s now) and it was one of the best choices I ever made in my life. I tried too many times to salvage what was already too broken, and every interaction made my life worse.
Anything that had a strong memory of her I got rid of (regardless of how I got the item). I do still have some things she gave me, that don't have a big memory attached.
The Marie Kondo idea of getting rid of what doesn't give you joy really helped me. Why should I surround myself with things that make me feel bad? That isn't a caring action towards myself. So getting rid of those things is self-care that keeps on giving.
My divorce was a long time coming, and it was my decision, so I don't have regrets very often. I'm still sometimes angry at myself that I didn't choose a better father for my children, and have some anger at him for not stepping up the millions of times he had a chance to do so. But the regrets and sad memories are for our togetherness as parents. There's is really no other person who remembers when certain things happened, when Jonathan chirped when he woke and saw his Easter basket, when Jason won the reading championship in third grade -- those things. When I accidentally food poisoned the family, but Jon didn't eat the omelet so he was fine. When we bought the first two-wheeled bike and Jason rode it into the cactus garden. Those silly things. What has helped me through the years -- gratitude for the memories, even when they're sad and pride in myself for surviving and creating a rich and full life for myself.
I can sympathize with some of this, and I'm sending you a virtual hug. <3
A note on piano fun first... my mom taught piano lessons for as much of my childhood as I can remember and she still plays piano at church. I played for my elementary years before I got into sports but since she would try to teach me during the half hour break she took for dinner, it wasn't that easy. But I grew up with lots of piano music in the house! My mom's favorite to play was music by Dino Kartsonakis.
For sentimentality, I'm trying to be less sentimental about things because - my goodness - we can't keep everything! That said, my daughters recently went through all of their books and decided that they were done with over half of them. I know the extra space will be well worth it, but it was hard! Reading has been a big part of our time at home and I have a lot of great memories with my kids and those books. I told them that we weren't getting rid of any books that my friend authored (we probably have at least 20 of her books by now) and I picked out about a dozen board books that I want to keep (some Sandra Boynton ones included!) but the rest are in boxes, ready to be enjoyed by other children.
I think that the more my house has filled up and I've felt the space constraints, the easier it's been to say goodbye to sentimental things.
@Ruth T, oh my goodness, I forgot to list on Five Frugal Things yesterday that I put my 2 Dino Kartsonakis piano books up for sale on eBay! Never did master a single song and finally accepted the fact that I won't, nor do I even want to any more. Your mom must be a fabulous pianist.
@Central Calif. Artist, What timing! I think that part of why my mom liked it was that it was so hard. I can still hear some of those songs in my head, even though it's probably been 20 years since I've heard them played. I hope your books sell quickly to someone who will enjoy them!
Fun to hear about your piano playing history, Kristen! I never got that advanced, but could relate to it with another instrument, as far as contests go.
And thank you for the section of the post that talked about parting with things after divorce. I'm in the middle of that, and highly sentimental. So it's a very, very hard process for me. Plus, I didn't want the divorce, and it blindsideded me, which makes things even harder.
We'll have to sell the house that I'm still staying in, and I don't have another place to live yet. And can't afford an apartment in our area.
The attorney told me yesterday that I'm likely to not get *any* money as far as Spousal Support from him, because he's on 100% disability. But I was his caregiver for years, so I believe I deserve money. On top of that, I was a stay-at-home mom and homeschooled for a total of 14 years. I thought I'd get some monetary compensation for that, but attorney says no.
If I didn't have the Lord to lean on and help me, and some excellent friends, I don't know what I'd do.
@Kimberly, Talk to another attorney, sweetie. Your attorney may or may not be correct, but you need someone who will fight like a tiger to get the best outcome possible for you.
I am so, so sorry. I too didn't want to divorce; I thought we were happy. At least, I was happy.
@Kimberly,
Hugs, and comforting vibes to you. ♥♥♥ I am so sorry, but you, like Rose and Kristen and Kaitlin, are a WINNER, never a loser, regardless.
@Rose, agreed. A second opinion wouldn't hurt. Kimberly, I'm very sorry to hear about your stressful situation and am wishing you the best possible outcome.
@Kimberly, and @Rose - I just wanted to chime in because I had never heard from anyone else that they hadn't wanted the divorce or seen it coming. I was so very in love with my ex, and it was ... devastating. But I have had several years to process the rejection and pain and feelings of shame. One hard lesson was allowing myself to accept that I was truly better off without him.
And please know I'm not referring to your situation, just mine on any of this. I just felt so seen when I read your two messages. I hope my note helps or at least doesn't hurt!
@Rose, same here---re: there were no problems that I was aware of.
And thank you for your suggestion. The good news is that my attorney IS going to fight like a tiger for me!
@st, Thank you soooo much for your kind words and support. 🙂
@rae, I'm so sorry you had to go through this devastating experience, too!
And please don't worry---your comments are very helpful!
Right now, it feels like half of my entire body is being ripped away.
But I'm so happy that you realize you are "truly better of without him." I pray that's my end result, too! And my plan is to remarry...*after* I've healed completely, not soon.
Thank you! 🙂
There are only a few things I am sentimental about. One is the cards the husband has sent me through the years. He knew that going to boarding school made me very mail focused, since this was before cell phones and there was only one pay phone in the entire communal area so mail was it for contact with the outside world. In 40 years he has mailed me enough cards and handwritten letters that I have a filing box full. The second thing is what he calls my serial killer trophy drawer that holds a dated baggie with a curl from every hair cut I have ever given him. I cannot remember why I decided to keep a lock of his hair this way but I cannot stand the thought of getting rid of it. Finally, a pair of granny panties my grandmother gave me when I was leaving for college and she wanted me to have new underwear. I got seven sets of pink, ribbed-knit cotton undershirts and matching panties that go halfway down the thigh and have elastic at the end of the legs. I never knew when to keep my mouth shut back then but I am proud to say that for some reason I thanked her without a hint of a smirk or eye roll. I dragged them with me every time I moved, and one time actually wore a pair when it was 40 below zero, but five of the sets stayed in the original plastic. A few years ago I sold the pristine ones for an ungodly amount on eBay, and one set I repurposed for tomato ties, but I still have one set and those will be left for someone else to get rid of when I die. My grandmother was a hero to me, and I am so glad I still have some of the granny pants underwear she gave me. But other than those three things, I am not very sentimental. I do regret destroying all the letters my father wrote me while I was in boarding school, but only because I should have saved them for my younger siblings. He was 17 when I was born, so those letters show him in his late 20s. There is a large age difference between me and the rest of the kids due to the death of my next in line brother, so the kids younger than me never knew him when he was still young and optimistic.
@Lindsey, that granny panty story is a hoot! Thank you for the chuckle.
After my divorce, I destroyed all the wedding photos. As time went on ( this was 35 yrs ago), I regretted it. I miss seeing my younger self. And others that were in the photos that are no longer with us. So if you’re thinking about doing this…wait. Just hide them away and take the hurt out some other way.
At first you want to get rid of everything, but maybe put away for the kids. They may want something. After a while (long while) it just becomes part of your history and doesn’t really matter.
Memories and items: My brother finds it "curious" that one of the things I've kept that reminds me of our mother is a metal wastebasket! There has to be a buried memory there, but if so it is a good one because I always get a nice feeling looking at the...wastebasket. (it is pewter or pewter colored I guess and has a raised flower design and to me it's just the sweetest thing.)
I use it in my writing room for paper and office trash, never garbage.
OTOH, I was in a very toxic relationship about 15 years ago and everything connected with that man had to go. I said, joking, sort of: "It has demons in it," of one piece, a garden ornament, in particular.
Thank you, as always, for your candor and your thoughtfulness, Kristen. I am heartened by your perspective, and your honesty about handling painful moments with grace and with clarity while protecting your heart and your children. I often find myself calling your words to mind while supporting my brother, who went through (and continues to) an ugly divorce after 20+ years of marriage. His struggle feels endless for various reasons that have to do with his former wife, and it is hard for him to even look back on many memories, pictures or times with his family (4 grown kids) and see through the negative to the nice memories. My heart breaks for him in that regard, even though he has found happiness again with someone new and remains very close with his children (for whom he was always the port in the storm). So, anyway, thank you. Thank you for maintaining a place of kindness and grace on the internet in a sea of so much that is exactly the opposite. For many many years, you have been--and continue to be--my rest stop for tea on afternoons when I take a break from my work, and I am grateful for that. Wishing you and your family well, as always.
Aww, I am so happy to hear that me sharing is helping you help your brother. I am so sorry to hear he is going through this too, though!
My memory triggers (both happy and sad) are usually songs that pop up on the radio. I'll be driving along and a song will come on that reminds me of a very difficult time in my marriage. I have to turn that song off/change the station. Or a song will come on that will remind me of my Dad (RIP, Daddy!) and I will smile and cry through the entire song. One song will immediately take me back to the local pool on the last day of school. I am living proof that Kenny Chesney's song "I Go Back" is true!
You play beautifully, btw! I don't play, but I know what sounds beautiful to my ear...make my ears smile!
Ohh, my goodness, yes, songs will do it too. I hear you.
@sfeather, I tend to cry whenever I hear Andy Williams singing Moon River. It was my parents' favorite song and we played it at both of their funerals.
Kristen: I appreciated hearing about your piano skills. My daughter started lessons at 7 yrs old and taught lessons for years and also played for church for years. She now has a 10 yr old son who has not shown the slightest bit of interest in music much to her disappointment. The other day, he was at our house and sat down at our piano which he has never been interested in and played the song "It's A Small World"!! I asked him how he knew how to play and he said "oh, it is easy, you just know where middle C is and then you read the music." I guess he must have gotten out that music book or maybe it was already out sitting on the piano. I'm really not sure. We were so surprised he could just play a song on his very first attempt. He acted like it was no big deal and something everyone can do if they want. He was proud of himself though because he said he wanted to play it again and have us record him on our phone so he could show his parents. He has no idea his mother loves piano as she gave up playing when he was about 2 yrs old because she simply didn't have the time. I don't think he has any real interest but who knows???
Oh wow, that's amazing that he could just play like that!
I am seriously unsentimental about almost everything which sometimes is a positive and sometimes negative. There are a few things, a quilt comes to mind made for me when I was born by my grandmother & great-aunt using scraps from dresses I remember them wearing. I have already given this to my younger adult daughter as she too loved the quilt as a baby. Otherwise most items come down on the more useful or eliminate side. One thing I have wondered about, and prayed for, is your relationship with your son. I cannot imagine worse emotional stress than being estranged from a child. Continued prayers.
I would really struggle with sentimental things, I have loads of cards that I can't part with! On an unrelated note, you take such beautiful pictures. Are they taken with your phone or camera and have you been trained by a professional?
Aww, thank you! The photos I post here are a mix; mostly I use my iPhone but sometimes when I am feeling less lazy I use my big SLR camera.
No training...just lots of taking photos for fun!
Thank you for answering my question!
@Kris, See what you started?! Ask a simple question ....
I'm not sure you're thinking about it this way -- but it takes a very brave person to share as honestly as you're doing. You should be proud of yourself.
(Perhaps keep the engagement ring, if you had one -- I did not. I married a poor engineering student, and we decided to invest the money in the best standard gold wedding rings that we could find. Which is paying off now, of course, with the price of gold after 41-plus years. Now I'm curious -- what DID you do with your wedding ring?)
Generally, I agree with your decisions on keeping/letting go. The hardest part would be keeping your daughters in the loop; there are probably things they would like to hang onto that you would not. (We have daughters, too.) We went through this both when we downsized from house to a fifth-wheel; stuff ended up stored at my mom's farm. Then we went through it again when my mom died, and we not only had to decide which of our original things would fit in a storage trailer -- but also which of Mom's things we should keep. My brother is much less sentimental, and wanted to get rid of everything. I didn't...but went along with him, with some exceptions. It was not fun. I still regret seeing some things go. But we couldn't keep everything, and getting along with Brother was important, at that point.
(Btw, some very odd things showed up in Mom's possessions -- that I had no idea she owned. Like a c.1900 small box filled with gold jewelry from a World's Fair, plus a Mason symbol -- I had no idea my grandpa belonged to that group, though turns out it was only briefly. Plus two gold teeth! I appraised another estate that also included some gold teeth.)
Kristen, I also play and teach piano! More than 40 years playing for church...I never performed at your level, but did travel with a group during college, accompanying. I also accompanied for competitions at the state level in high school. I began giving lessons off and on about ten years ago. (Not teaching right now, but who knows.)
Husband had the same years of lessons that I did, but never played for anything until Worship Team. He is much more proficient than I am. He enjoys Rachmaninoff and Chopin, and plays SO LOUD the room shakes. Our neighbors used to ask if he was going to practice that night...so they could plan to listen. (Or go out to eat??)
Memories last, even if the things they're connected with do not. We always have that.
I love hearing about your piano playing. I took lessons for a short while as a child and have always wanted to play again. Then my son fell in love with piano, and after watching him play for a year, I started taking lessons from his teacher as well. It's been almost a year now, and I love it so much. Sometimes it's frustrating to feel "behind," and like another reader, I am so nervous playing in public, but I'm trusting the process. Thank you for sharing some of your process! 🙂
I have some sentimental things are of no value except to me usually there is a power memory attachted to the item
- the picture of the praying hands that belonged to my grandmother. It hung over the bed I slept in when I stayed with her, it reminds me of her putting me to bed as a child and her praying over me before I went to sleep. It hangs in my guest bedroom where my nieces stay on occasion and I pray over them.
-I have a quilt pieced by my great grandmother and finished by my mom that is on my bed
-I keep the latest card sent to me by certain family members (ie this years birthday card from my parents, which I will throw away if I get one from both of them next year I will keep that one)
- I have a ceramic Chirstmas tree my other grandmother made me that I keep out year round
- I have a couple of books from childhood that I reread even now, especially by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I grew up 30 miles from Walnut Grove, MN and have lived near her SD home. The books are held between book ends given to me by my grandmother.
I also have a few things that my sister wanted to get rid of after her divorce, but I thought my niece should have the option to decide on keeping some of those things my sister wanted to purge. When niece was old enough and had her own home she did make a decision and those items were released or went home with her.
We all do the best we can with where we are at, some decisions associated with bad memories and pain take time, and when we are ready we can let go or we will know when that time is.
I am so happy to have a piano teacher in my retirement, and a piano to play on! Music instruction is good for everyone, not just kids, and good for the brain. I think there is also a quality of live music that is unlike any recordings.
As for stuff, I gave beautiful clothes I had made to Goodwill or sold them at garage sales after a breakup; some reminded me of my former boyfriend so strongly I was sure I couldn't wear them again. Never looked back. My family moved often when I was growing up and the accumulation problem never came up, until the present, when DH and I are thinking of moving to a house with fewer stairs. Having a basement is dangerous, and quite a chore to clean out. It holds so much stuff! I like having a place to store bulky cooking stuff I don't need often, but it's hard to rope DH into cleaning sessions since he has stuff down there too. Oh well.
Kudos to you, Kristen, for making new memories in favorite places. That is a great way to build your own healing renewal.
Kristen wrote: "It is so hard to accept but sometimes a blood relative is just not a healthy person to have a relationship with.
And we do not always owe someone a relationship just because they are family."
Thank you for understanding and stating that so well. I had to sever the relationship with a blood relative last year after realizing that 50 years of misery and anxiety in their presence was causing me serious problems. A great weight lifted off my spirit, though the bruises it left are going to take a while to heal.
I didn't have a close relationship with my mother. She died in 1965 when I was 16 and left me alone with my vicious, sadistic father, so she won the parenting contest, hands down. When I left home finally I took some of her kitchen things although they were not much used. I have three granddaughters and gave one of them mom's rolling pin, but since none of them knew her, I don't think they would care for her stuff.
But the interesting thing of hers that I kept is two little red address books, mostly from our years in New York City, before 1955. I only recognize a very few of the names in there, and I'm pretty sure all those people are gone, but when I look through it, it's like looking into a far away world and I like having that glimpse.
It was years ago, but I had to get new pillows and new towels when I divorced. The things I kept were things I thought either my children needed to remain in our home or things I had used and felt good about. I had my grandmother’s engagement ring from her first marriage and traded my wedding set for a sapphire to put in it. That provided me with closure and the ability to move forward while still being sentimental. I think it’s different for everyone. Moving forward and making decisions for me was very therapeutic!
Your playing is just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing that.
During my divorce as I was lamenting all the “things,” and my friend made the comment that it is just “stuff,” and can be replaced. “It’s just stuff,” became my mantra and it worked for me.
I can play piano, guitar, and mando by memory but not the clarinet, I need sheet music. I payed the clarinet in a marching band so maybe I just need to march around to jog my memory.
I lost my wedding rings while swimming across a lake and never replaced them so no memories there.
I was awarded house and contents and personal effects in my divorce and never got them. I think my ex had no problem but his new wife my ex friend was dead set to take everything for some reason. She would even wear my jewelry when they would come to pick up the kids. The only things I ever missed was a hand made silver and turquoise necklace with inscription given to me to commemorate the birth of one child. Also a handmade walnut cradle.
In hindsight the education I got about crappy scum people was far more useful than either of those objects.
little trinkets long forgot
piled into a weathered box
making people think of things
that now seem worth remembering
colored pictures, ink designs
gentle filter through my mind
time can only leave behind
the happy times
that once were mine
@Tiana, This is beautiful!