Meet a Reader | Marlene of Manhattan

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97 Comments

1. Hi Marlene!
   That was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing and the little glimpse into your life. I enjoyed that very much and I admire you for how you handle the challenges of life.

   So amazing how varied Kristens readers are in life style and age.

   New York must be very exciting in terms of cultural events, museums, exhibitions, concerts etc.....

   Reply

   1. @Lea,
      The best thing about NYC to me is the diversity. I have met people here from all over the world, some of whom became close friends. And its location makes it more accessible for the friends I have who live outside of New York or the USA to visit (we have three major airports to fly in/out of).

      You are never bored here. If anything, you can be overwhelmed by how much there is to do. But as I wrote, just walking around and sampling the parks and seeing the shops and people watching is free.

      I'm not so sure how great I handle the challenges. At times, it can be very frustrating as some people are clueless (and rude) towards those of us with mobility issue. Where I live, there is a large population of elders such as myself, some of whom with their walkers and canes are more at risk than I am. To see how they are treated at times is very tough. You'll see young kids who sit when they could give a seat to a person with mobility issues. You also get people who are downright rude. I've been told on more than one occasion, by someone who had to give up their seat (which is clearly marked that it must be yielded for a wheelchair) to "Stay home." Seriously. And worse.

      The city in general is very very tough for the mobility impaired because only the biggest venues can afford to retrofit for accessibility, even then entrances to buildings can present challenges (My favorite is when someone says it is wheelchair accessible but there are stairs and no ramp! Someone said: Oh, what's the big deal. It's only two steps. Well, it is a challenge to get a wheelchair up and down, safely.

      And then there are the folks who are incredibly kind and thoughtful and will help you out if there is an issue getting around (the curbs here are sometimes inaccessible because of cracks and wholes and require more than one person to lift you up and over, for example.) The ones who say "Oh, excuse me" when they see you coming and move out of the way. Grateful for them. Always.

      Reply

2. Hi Marlene! My dad grew up quite close to where you live (though his building was torn down to create Lincoln Center). He and his friends always went to Zabar's to steal salamis as a movie snack.

   Glad to have met you! You seem up for the challenges in your life, which is admirable.

   Reply

   1. @Rose,
      Zabars is about 12 blocks from home and though I no longer am able to go inside (way way way too small and crowded for a wheelchair), my aide does shop for me.

      Hope your dad doesn't read that you shared his salami stealing exploits! (!!)

      Reply

   2. @Marlene, Dad's been gone since 2016. He eventually became NYPD himself. At the time (the 60s), anyone who had a police record was ineligible to join the police. The recruiter couldn't believe that Dad didn't have a record* given where he grew up. "I could always run faster than the other guys," Dad explained.

      *They did pull my grandfather's rap sheet, but Dad said it was his father; they had the same name. I miss that generation of working class New Yorkers--they were always out for what they could get, figuring the wealthy folks weren't any better anyway.

      Reply

3. Hi Marlene - this is a wonderful read, and a fun glimpse into life in NYC!

   Do you have any travel tips for wheelchair users? DH grew up in a family that loved travel, and it’s a core value to him still. His brother (my BIL) has MS. DH is prioritizing travel with him *now*, while it’s still an option. DH has figured out things like arriving at the gate early and asking the gate agent to arrange for the aisle wheelchair, trying to book a handicap accessible hotel room. Ground transportation at the arrival city can be challenging (not all Uber drivers are welcoming to the chair). Planning activities can also be challenging. Do you have any tips for those areas? Thank you!

   Reply

   1. @Amy,
      Hotel rooms that are accessible are often easier to get and navigate than air travel.
      I have worked in business/leisure travel publishing since 1991 and the stories about things that can happen to both those in the wheelchair and the wheelchairs themselves are truly upsetting.

      I have some thoughts about air travel but too long to write here at the moment. One of the main concerns is the mishandling of wheelchairs when they are stored (NOT in the cabin but in with the regular checked luggage.) Airlines are notorious for breaking wheelchairs and people have ended up literally unable to get off a plane. My suggestion/thought is that if you can use a transit chair to get on/off the wheelchair and then arrange for a local rental, it might be safer. Transit chairs are sometimes allowed to be stored in the cabin (depends on type of aircraft and airline rules). Obviously local rental not possible given locations and type of wheelchair used. The other: Airlines say they can help but don't come through. If you are a member of an airline's frequent flyer club, especially if you have a high-value membership, you may get better service. Take nothing an airline promises as necessarily being what they will deliver. Don't want to be alarmist but I've just heard too many stories.

      You can also do a google search (airline name + wheelchair) to see policies and stories about mishaps.

      Yes, local transportation can be tricky. However, depending on where you travel, there are usually some form of accessible car services and/or taxis. I've never used Uber or Lyft here but there should be some way to book one that WILL pick up you up. We have special accessible cabs here (the back opens up, there's a ramp and they roll you up). If an individual can get out of the chair, the low-riding taxis here will sometimes stop and some drivers will even help get the chair into the trunk, but don't count on it.

      You can try calling the equivalent of 311 (general city info for here in the five boroughs) where you are going to see if they have information about local options. Sometimes calling a large PT center can be a good resource as many PT clients are in wheelchairs.

      I know there are web sites that have such information. I've never used them as I haven't traveled out of New York since I landed in a wheelchair (I have other health issues that make long distance travel too problematic.)

      Also, there are various organizations around the country (local and nationally based) that provide various services for those in wheelchairs. They generally have a lot of information about local resources for those who live in the location as well as tourists.

      Hope this helps a little. Don't mean to scare anyone off for travel but one has to be realisitc.

      Last tip: No matter how independent the person in the wheelchair is, they should not, in my opinion, travel alone if traveling by air, of any distance.

      Reply

   2. @Marlene, You are right. I have a friend who does Uber and has a mounted wheelchair carrier. Uber is in our nearby city but not really accessible in the country. However she makes quite a bit of money in both areas. Also the local bus authority has a LIFT service. My son qualifies but is not a fan.

      Amy

      Reply

   3. @Amy,
      I understand your son's preference to be able to not have to depend on availability of car services and/or public transportation. But in cities, it's either private or public transportation.

      We have something called Access a Ride here but it is a joke. You book a time for pickup but you are not taken directly to your destination. It picks up others and you can sometimes be in the unit for hours and miss your appointment.

      They also have shown up late or not at all leaving individuals (often alone with no aide) stranded, even in bad weather, with no way to get home or to an appointment. Only those who have absolutely no other resources use Access a Ride here. There are some other options but it's on an "as available" basis and even if you call ahead (where you are allowed to book), transportation often doesn't show up or too late for you to make an appointment. And the excuses (There was traffic. Of course there was, this is NYC! Plan for it.)

      Getting doctor appointments here sometimes takes as long as six months and you literally have to be able to get there on time. So you end up having to rely on a bus or a cab. And that assumes you can get a cab. Depending on your location and/or time of day, that can be almost impossible.

      We have car services too but again, there are always excuses for why they are delayed or not available. Getting around is always some form of a crap shoot
      (It recently took us an hour and a half to get home from a doctor appointment due to time of day (the schools had let out and the busses were packed with kids and parents) and location (no empty cabs on the streets).

      Reply

   4. @Amy, I made a comment on this post already, but in case you didn't read it, I cannot recommend one of the new lightweight electric wheelchairs highly enough. About $2000, mine has proved a game changer in terms of travel. It weighs 37 pounds, easily collapses into a size that fits into a wheelchair suitcase that you can purchase, eliminating the fear of having your wheelchair wrecked by the airline. The collapsing and reopening of the chair is so easy that my nine year old neighbor boy does it easily (he fell so in love with doing it that I have to stop him from stopping by just to visit the chair!). My 74 year old husband can do it with, literally, one hand. It fits into the back seat or trunk of a taxi, so it makes that part of travel easier, too. I know $2000 is expensive, and although my insurance covered my $28,000 conventional 420 pound electric chair, they would not cover this because five years ago they were just coming onto the market and it was not clear how durable they would be. That may have changed, so is worth checking with your insurance plan.

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4. Love that Marlene submitted her "Meet the Reader" and that she has lived in Manhattan for so long. I did work there for a few years in my youth, but I commuted. Amazing people in NYC. I do miss it -- sometimes. For now, I will be a tourist. Nice to meet you Marlene!

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5. Hi Marlene! It was good to see your perspective on frugality. I have lived in urban areas and loved the access I had to pretty much everything. I am in a more rural area now and spend a lot of time planning my trips. I try to make sure that every trip has 3 purposes, even when I go to work. As convenient as public transportation is, when you have a challenge the convenience can be a challenge. My adult autistic son can't wait to get his license so he can stop waiting for the bus. Sometimes we drop him off early and other times he waits at my sister's and walks over to the nearest stop.

   I love free concerts!

   Reply

   1. @Amy,
      Yes, public transportation is an issue. Most subways here are totally inaccessible, including those with elevators, which are often out of service and sometimes, even have an inaccessible route inside to get to them. Busses can be an issue, too: Most are so crowded that the driver can't even let you on because there is no room for the three people who sit on the seat that folds up for wheelchairs to move further into the bus. We've often waited close to 45 minutes because busses were so crowded. Convenient? Not so much. But, at least an alternative to very pricey cabs.

      My nephew is on the autism spectrum and got his license and now works part time. The pleasure he gets from doing is job is just amazing and he is the single most dependable staffer where he works (part-time). Learning to drive and getting his license was a major self-confidence builder. Good luck to your son.

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   2. @Amy,
      Love that you follow what I call the "city" rule: Having multiple purposes when you go out. I always combined errands when I was still walking around. It's just more efficient and better use of time and $$$. I do miss going out on my own any time of day or night. One of the reasons is you get to meet and talk to so many different people when you are out and about.

      That rarely happens these days but I did have a delightful encounter with a little boy in his stroller with his grandmother. He made her stop and he asked me: How come you are in a chair? I briefly said I had some health issues. Then he says,
      Well, how do you get dressed if you're in the chair? and I explained. He was adorable and so precocious and so genuinely interested. Not more than three years old. It's unusual for either adults or children to be so direct. (Children, with whom you are often on eye level, just stare at times as if they've never seen anyone in a chair before.) His grandmother says that he constantly stops people and asks questions. So sweet.

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6. Kristen
   I've lived in four apartments in New York City after college: three studios and my current apartment, a one-bedroom, which I've lived in since the late 1970s. Fun story about how I got. Two friends originally lived there. They offered it to me when they moved out in early 1970s. I passed and told two other friends, a newly married couple, because they were in a tiny studio. So they took it. Several years later, while on vacation, I came back and they said: "Surprise. You're moving." I'm like: What? The friends who moved in were moving...across the hall on the same floor in the same building. "We knew you'd never find an affordable one bedroom, so we signed the lease for you. You're moving in two weeks."

   True story that many, knowing how tough it is to get affordable apartments in NYC, don't believe. BUT, it's all true and an example of Karma for sure. Back then, if you were already in the building and you had a suitable tenant to fill your vacancy, they got first rights. Since they were moving elsewhere in the building, the super had no problem putting the application through. Those were the days.

   I've never wanted to live anywhere else full time and am very happy I am still here.
   Oh, the building was NOT a co-op back when I moved in. That wasn't till almost a decade later.

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   1. @Marlene, I am actually curious about the co-op situation. All I'm familiar with is ag co-ops — like, for example, a nonmember can use the gas pumps but wouldn't be able to sell commodities into the system without being a member, kind of by default. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around living in a co-op building without being a member (by default or by intent), especially if you own the apartment. It's cool that you can, though, especially if being a member means big expenditures.

      Reply

   2. @Karen.,
      I don't know how co-ops work elsewhere but here, first of all, you do not OWN your apartment. You are not a "member" (like food and other co-ops). You are a shareholder.

      You purchase shares. Then you are a shareholder. In NYC, this means next to nothing in terms of your rights and influence because here it's the board who makes all the rules. And can make a building a living hell to live in. AND, worst of all, there is NO legal recourse to make the board drop a rule or regulation that is problematic, no matter how many shareholders don't like it. (Hard to believe but true.) Theoretically, you can vote the board members off but that happens so infrequently and not without a lot of unpleasant interaction among those living in the building. It can be quite contentious with legal action threatened against some neighbors due to certain extreme actions undertaken. The news stories on the antics and anguish of co-ops here is long and tabloid like in nature.

      The stories about the stuff that these boards (who often are a group of friends in the building who "run" every year but do not allow those who wish to run, present themselves to the building shareholders in advance of voting each year. It's as bad as it sounds. Sometimes the issues are benign neglect; others much worse and more personal.

      If the board says you can't do X, whatever X is, that's it folks. This is on matters big and small.

      The worst, as we have here in our building, is when the head of the board and/or the members, simply will not speak to a person about a problem.

      If you look up the definition of "cooperative" and see how things are here in the five boroughs, you realize how little input and control of your own dwelling you have as a shareholder.

      And shareholders often only want to get rid of non-owners (renters) because in their minds you are a drain as they could sell your apartment and get money for the building.

      We have had three neighbors move out, folks who were on the board but appalled by how things were being handled, over the years. There are probably others that I don't know about or who gave various reasons (untrue) for why they left.

      I saw from day one when they started the process that this building was 1) in bad shape and would be a drain on finances over the years and 2) neighbors did anything but act responsibly and in a cooperative fashion.

      Renters don't have shares but the shares for their apartments are owned by other individuals or big companies (who buy up as many units as they can in a building especially if it is filled with older tenants) that do not live in the building. When renters have issues you have to go through these individuals or folks to get repairs, etc. It's very problematic because the big companies don't follow the laws of the city and basically try to get you permanently out of the apartment. Examples of this abound. Let's say you need to have plumbing repaired. They tell you that it will take X amount of time. Worse case, sometimes they tell you it will be started but not finished for weeks (or longer) for all kinds of reasons. So imagine you cannot use the sink, the toilet or your tub or shower. You'd have to move out, right, if this happened for an extended period of time. Yes, well they are not responsible for getting you temporary housing (which you must pay for even as you are still responsible for paying your rent). They hope you just move out and never come back. And then there are other tactics to get folks to leave involuntarily. Which some people do because it's just too much. The result: Many renters don't even ask for needed repairs.

      The problems in co-ops with the really wealthy are just as egregious, although the issues are far less life changing. So many battles over who can or cannot live in the building (Lots of prejudice and no way to stop it); and various issues about maintenance costs, etc.

      Unlike a house, you don't own the apartment and you have no real power over your lifestyle if the board makes rules that limit your ability to live in the apartment and the building.

      It's far worse than those community groups that "police" housing in certain parts of the country with all the rules about you can't use this color, can't park here, can't do this, blah blah blah.

      And at the prices people pay? Makes no sense unless you plan to live a short time and think you can resell and make a profit. (Which was what a lot of people did until boards decided to invoke a "flip" tax which you have to pay if you sell in certain time periods after you move in. Done basically to discourage turnover.)

      If I had the money, I would have purchased a small place outside the city to use on weekends or vacation. But never a co-op.

      Reply

   3. Co-ops are becoming less and less popular. I often write about NYC real estate and every new development is a condo, not a co-op. The problem is that a lot of the great old buildings with wealthy residents are co-ops, so if you want to live there you have to put up with it. My ex father in law's Park Ave co-op actually had a problem getting rid of a penthouse owner who was running the place as a brothel, if you can believe it!

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   4. Also, pied a terre rules apply to many co-ops. If you don't live in the co-op full time, they don't want you. Condos are pretty relaxed about units that are only used part time. (That's enough real estate, Rose. But I haven't even mentioned condops yet! Shut up, Rose.)

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   5. Also worth mentioning is the history of NYC coops and motivation to keep the “wrong” sorts of people out of buildings (think: people of color and Jewish people). Brooklynite here, former shareholder of an 8-unit self-managed coop where I was on the board for 5 years and president for 2). It is difficult to find legal structures that are optimal for multi-family housing…but I chose a condo when I moved.

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   6. @Rose,
      Have no idea if sales of co-ops are on the downside but certainly have heard stories like your father-in-law's penthouse with some outrageous (and illegal) activities by shareholders.

      FYI: Not everyone in the old great buildings is "wealthy" and some folks bought into co-ops in the early days when you could get a bargain. I am ashamed to admit that it doesn't bother me as much when super-rich folks have issues with each other (and the means to take legal action without risk of retribution) in these situations as it does for "regular" folks who don't have the money to move and are forced to live very unhappily as either renters or shareholders in a co-op here.

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   7. @Rose,
      Funny about such rules. They are broken all the times. Many co-ops forbid anyone living in your apartment for say, more than a few months. But many folks simply rent out their apartments. And turn them over and over to technically obey the rules. Some folks have never lived in their apartments nor did they intend to when purchasing.

      And despite the laws that forbid you from renting an apartment out for more than 30 days, the way folks have been doing thru Air BnB, people do it all the time. Some get caught; some do not.

      Keep talking Rose!

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   8. @Stephanie in Brooklyn,
      Yes, there is evidence of anti-semitism and racism and bias against certain occupations, lifestyles, etc. in many co-op buildings. Stories about the horrors of trying to get into a building are commonplace, still.

      Sadly, the same can be said for rental apartment situations.

      Self-managed co-ops often do much better in how they treat occupants.

      How was your experience as a board president?

      Reply

   9. @Marlene, Same is true here in the Hamptons. Actually, about all of it including co-ops! I live in a property worth quite a lot but I wouldn't call myself wealthy, and as for Airbnb, the Hamptons towns are cracking down. I eventually decided I was sick to death of the Airbnb turnover--not that I did the cleaning myself, but having to explain to people, say, that you have to turn the cable box on for pictures to appear on the TV--got old, so now I rent annually. However, my property is zoned resort (like a motel), so I told the town inspector to stuff it when he questioned my flouting of the local laws.

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   10. @Rose,
       Smart move Rose to avoid the hassles of constant turnover by renting out annually. That might also draw a more targeted type of renter for you than tourist transients.

       As you well know, some regular folks have had their properties for years with mortgages paid off but still high taxes, maintenance outlay. So many articles about real people who live in the Hamptons but can't afford to shop there and have to travel to get affordable groceries. So many folks there and elsewhere end up having to move because when they are no longer working they can't afford the taxes or upkeep (happened to my mom). It's heartbreaking to have to leave a home you love, lived in and created a life in. I have never understood why taxes could not also be based on income and not land/home value. Seems really unfair and also penalizes folks who've been good local citizens for years and probably contributed more, over time, than some of the rich folks who come and go. Affordable housing is the life changer that can knock anyone of any age down when it does not exist.

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   11. @Marlene, this is all very interesting. I won't say there isn't this type of housing in rural Nebraska, but if so, then I'm completely unaware of it. (Um, obviously.)

       Honestly, I can't fathom being without basic plumbing (etc.) for an extended time by intention of someone else and without recourse. This is the 21st Century, and this is a first world country. That should be long past.

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   12. @Karen.,
       It's hard to imagine all the things that greedy owners due to ensure that they can get more money out of their buildings. All sorts of illegal shenanigans go on here. You may not hear about them because it's local not national news but here, sadly commonplace.

       First world country with first world greed.

       Notorious landlords have left people without hot water, heat or any plumbing for months.

       And no accident that they didn't fix. It's a daily occurrence here where you have hundreds if not thousands of owners (individuals or corporations) on lists with numerous violations that go unrepaired. The Housing court is a joke especially if you can't afford a lawyer, which most people in it cannot.

       Reply

7. Thank you for sharing. It would be wonderful to have continuous access to the performing arts like you do in NYC. In my area, the opportunity to enjoy such things is very limited. They often come with a treacherous drive and a high ticket price!

   I know very few people who have lived in NYC for as many years as you have. I am terribly curious to know if life in the city has changed substantially post-pandemic?

   Wishing you peace and prosperity.

   Reply

   1. @Bee,
      One of my close friends lived in Arizona for many years before she passed. (Near Phoenix ) She used to tell me the same thing about local events. She could not attend because of mobility issues. She said that she would have to park sometimes close to a mile away and no way other than walking to get to the actual venue. She also mentioned the issue of night driving and related safety issues based on location.

      In general, if you are OK with public transportation and feel safe going on at late post-theater times, you can get almost anywhere.

      How has the city changed? Well, you know, things really vary by location, either by the borough or within.

      Yes, we have crime. Yes we have hate crimes. Yes, there has been, in some areas, an increase in burglaries (cars in particular). But the way I look at it is this: % age wise we are no better or worse than many suburban or rural areas. I feel you must always be careful and aware of your environment no matter where you live.

      The biggest thing I've noticed in my area is the number of retail stores, restaurants and other venues that went out of business during the pandemic. There are so many vacant store fronts and it is sad.

      The first year or two of the pandemic lots of folks moved out but lots have moved back and rental prices remain high and there isn't huge inventory.

      Depending on where you live, you can say that some quality of life may be worse (if you live in an area with a lot of construction noise, for example, or heavy traffic).
      It is really very situational.

      The city to my mind, is still way better than it was during the 1970s and various times when the country was experiencing an economic crisis. Depending on your work and your chosen way of living, life can be very good or not so much.

      It's a tough city if you don't have a good job and an affordable place to live. But that is true of any city.

      As I mentioned, I never, ever in my wildest dreams thought I would live here. If anything, I expected to flee the minute I graduated from college. But...for whatever reason, I stayed. And stayed. As a very independent person with lots of interests (theater, art museums, cultural events, etc.), it works/worked for me. Also, I had many friends in the city by that time. Many have moved around the country or world but I remained. I just love having options and opportunities.

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   2. @Marlene,
      Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I do believe cities - both big and small - are made up of very different neighborhoods. I think it’s importance for one’s happiness to find the right fit.

      Reply

   3. @Bee,
      Yes, Bee, it is important. For one's sanity and health as well.

      Sometimes a change in building or a neighborhood can make everything better. (Kenahorah pooh pooh, I have had pretty much nice neighbors over the years. It's not like we interact much, but they are all decent folks and they don't display any bad manners. And they do help with things like mail and packages at times when my aide is not around.

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8. Hi Marlene - Thank you for the glimpse into life in Manhattan! I've visited friends and toured around there, but it's been a while. I loved the energy and variety. I admire the research you put into your Medicare choice and am so glad you selected a good plan for yourself. Even though that decision is far away for me at this point, I sort of dread it in advance - all the complexity and making the right choice at an affordable price point. I definitely agree that health care is an investment in ourselves!

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   1. @Suz,
      Well, I'm great at research and yes, it was not a lot of fun doing the research. But definitely not something that should put you off. A good resource is friends or family or others who have already done some research.

      Costs vary so much by location. But my general advice is that even if your health is fantastic as you approach sign-up time, look for what I call the most affordable "worst case scenario" plan if you will.

      Take the time to research the companies offering the various plans. You will NOT regret it. And start early because you can sign up for it (at least currently) three months before your birthday.

      It's important at the time you are contemplating signing on to understand how it would work if you are still employed and have company insurance. The other issue is timing. Do not delay signing up as soon as viable because now there are penalties for the drug options if you delay and don't sign up during set periods.

      Friends who have delayed have paid the price. There are good web sites and books out there to help and there is an online resource called Medicare Rights that even has folks you can call with questions.

      Be warned: Don't base your choices on what the people selling the insurance tell you alone. It's like folks who fell for all the hype with Medicare Advantage plans only to realize they made a huge mistake and for all the so-called "extras" they get, they are not covered for the expensive items not covered or the lack of local medical doctors and others in the plans.

      And remember the worst thing about all of this. Pretty much every plan says outright in the fine print that the terms can change, without notice (this is especially problematic when you pick a plan based on the drugs offered in its formulary. A drug is covered when you join, but then, poof. It's not.)

      All health plans, Medicare or otherwise, are minefields these days. You get the most information you can, and make the best decision you can. And then,yearly, if necessary, you can change a plan.

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   2. @Marlene, I am 58 and am starting to think about Medicare and all that is involved in signing up for it, so I appreciate your advice. Thank you for an interesting Meet A Reader post. I also enjoyed your perspective on accessibility (I'm an OT). It's good to learn from those who are in the trenches.

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   3. @Marlene, thank you for that great information.

      My best advice when signing up for Medicare is get an agent. We did not pay our gentleman. He was paid by the government.

      My friend. who is very particular, researched agents and was happy with him. That was enough for me.

      He will not sell Advantage plans. He went over them with us but said we would have to go elsewhere to get one.

      Just my 2 cents.

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   4. @Marlene,

      You are so right. I had some coverage for my expensive prescription when I signed up, and they discontinued all coverage for it a year later.

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   5. @Marlene, Thank you for your detailed response with specific things to be on the lookout for. As you said, you're clearly a great researcher, and also obviously a great writer to be able to give all these thoughtful responses to comments so quickly!

      Kristen, I wonder if it would work if you ever wanted to do occasional posts on big life-event milestones (wedding, divorce, bringing a child into the family, navigating Medicare, managing healthcare for others.. etc./many more) where the main point is to have readers chime in with tips & recommendations, all in one place? I've gotten so much great advice here; especially valuable for the diversity of situations/viewpoints!

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   6. @Suz, great idea!

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   7. @karen,
      You make a great point about using an agent. I didn't even know at the time to use an independent insurance agent.

      The only people I spoke to were those who answered the phone when you called Medicare and as I understand it, they WERE actually insurance agents, which the fine print said.

      Dealing with Medicare remains trying at times as you can get different information at different times for the same query. I usually end up contacting Medicare Rights group when that happens (and, of course, googling).

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   8. @JD,
      It is so amazing to me that a company can establish the equivalent of a contract with you but only you, and not them, have rules that cannot be broken.

      Can you imagine having a yearly contract with another company where they can weasel out of the contract AT WILL? Thus basically violating the contract.

      How these companies can continue to get away with this is beyond me. And no legislation to address it.

      This is something that is mildly annoying for some and catastrophic for other individuals. Literally, in some cases, life threatening.

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   9. @Suz,
      I love your idea for Kristen about posting topics about big life events.
      Great idea.

      I often find valuable insights and relevant information in comments here and on other blogs.

      FYI: Fast typing is one of my "super" powers. I taught myself and have been writing and typing daily since college. Many a deadline for work has been met because I typed my column or story VERY quickly. Seriously.

      When you spend most of your professional life in communications of one sort or another, on daily or even hourly, deadlines, you type fast or else!

      Reply

      1. Yep. I type fast too! It's a benefit of having blogged for so many years.

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9. Hi Marlene! Well, I think you get the prize for having a life that is the most different from mine. Which is what made this so fun to read. Thanks for sharing.

   Reply

   1. @kristin @ going country,
      I feel the same way in reading about the lives of other Frugal Girl readers.
      Life is bigger than our own particular patch and one can learn a lot from the lives of others. Especially about how it is to live elsewhere. I really enjoy hearing what people love about where they live.

      I don't have children and I'm not married but it doesn't mean that I'm not interested in how married folks with children live, for example.

      I wish I could remember how I found Kristen's web site to begin with as it might not normally be on my radar. But I've enjoyed the comments from readers as much as what Kristen herself shares.

      Reply

   2. @kristin @ going country, @Marlene
      Isn’t it amazing though how frugal readers - no matter where or how they live — do some of the same things? For example, so many of us strive to reduce food waste or only eat foods that are in season. Common threads…

      Reply

   3. @kristin @ going country, HA! I thought the exact same thing about my life compared to her life when I read Marlene's post. It reminds me how fortunate we are to have choices in terms of where we live. I went to grad school outside Alaska and some days I would have these little mental melt-downs because I would think about how hard it would be to get home if a war started; I was desperately afraid of ending up stuck in urban America. I stopped dating a guy who said he could never live anyplace but the East Coast because I didn't want to waste time falling in love with someone who would not come home with me.

      Reply

10. Hi Marlene,
    It was interesting to get a glimpse of your life in the city which is very different than my life. I was particularly interested in reading about the issues you have getting around town due to your wheelchair. As of late I have had some (temporary) mobility issues and have developed a whole new appreciation for those who have permanent issues. There have been a few times when I have used a wc for longer distances, such as a large airport as it has been so enlightening to see how differently one is treated….sometimes ignored or condescending and other times people have been very kind and helpful.

    Reply

    1. @Addy,
       Yes, it is truly gratifying how some people go out of their way to help or at least not hinder you. And sad that some people are so callous. Our lives can change at any moment and some of those very people may one day find themselves with mobility issues.

       One of the most bizarre aspects of wheelchairs is how some people confuse a mobility issue with a cognitive one. A close friend works with disabled individuals and he warned me that some people would ignore me or speak to my aide instead of me. So it was no surprise when we were in a restaurant (one of the few that is wheelchair accessible as it has a wide enough doorway and passage to the counter) and I went to place an order for takeout. The guy behind the counter asked my aide while ignoring me.

       My aide said: She has no trouble speaking. Ask HER.

       What's really amazing is how clueless some folks are about the challenges facing anyone of any age with a cane, a walker, a rollator and/or a wheelchair.

       On NYC busses, for example, when the driver lets down the fold-up ramp for the wheelchair, people are NOT supposed to board. The driver says this at least three times and yet...people push ahead. Some drivers have to literally push them back off the bus to allow a person in a wheelchair to roll on.

       And then there are the bus drivers themselves. We have encountered some truly professional and kind drivers and then there are the others. We have one driver in our area, a female who told my aide: I won't touch the straps. (There are straps that attach to the chair to keep it in place. Even with brakes on, the chair can move around including going forward or backward into someone or something.)

       Now, the reason drivers have to strap you in is not just for your safety, but for, obviously, liability issues. The ones that don't do it are actually violating the rules but they won't get punished even if you report them.

       It's like the taxi drivers. Some are incredibly helpful. Others, not so much. My aide has what I call "good karma" in getting drivers for the most part. Although we've had some really tough folks. I am lucky that nothing fazes Ingrid, my aide, who is just a blessing. She is the first and last on my gratitude list each day.

       Reply

11. Hi Marlene, nice to meet you! I am a born and bred New Yorker, and live in Manhattan as well. While I am married, we don't have kids.
    Recently, I have twice been temporarily disabled, and use a cane and wheelchair for longer distances. I agree that NYC is not as disability friendly as it could/should be. Even before I had mobility issues, I always did my best to be compassionate and helpful to those who had them when riding public transportation. It makes me furious to see how rude some people can be, and I know it's not nice to say this, but I hope one day they get a taste of their own medicine!
    Overall, I do love this city. There are good and bad things about living here, but I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else. So much to see and do!
    Thank for the tips about Medicare. I am not quite there yet, but I am just starting to plan for retirement, and it's good to know I should do my research carefully before I commit.

    Reply

    1. @AnnieH,
       Hello, neighbor. Yes, our city has its plusses and minuses but I,too, don't want to be anywhere else. (Well, if I were rich, I could see spending time in Tuscany or San Francisco!)

       Yes, Medicare research is worth the effort. I've known one or two people who just threw up their hands and said: Ah. They are all the same. And lived to regret that approach.

       You wouldn't be the only one to wish that inconsiderate folks learned the hard way about the challenges.

       What amazes me, and humbles me, is all the elder men and women who are out there every day with no help, walking with canes and walkers and you can truly see how hard it is for them. My aide has often been so concerned that we stop and she helps them cross the street.

       As you know from living here, the dangers today are not just cars that don't obey lights but cyclists who don't obey lights and the bikes on the sidewalks. It's truly challenging for anyone but especially for those who can't move fast enough walking on the street or crossing. I tell anyone visiting: Always obey the light and don't immediately walk when you have the light, look all around.

       Before I was in the wheelchair, I was almost hit several times by drivers in big SUVs who were busy talking on the phone or texting and NOT looking down and out to see us (many of us are shorter than the front of these huge vehicles).

       Where I live, there are weekly car accidents that leave pedestrians hurt or worse.
       And most were on individuals who had the light but cars just didn't stop (Amsterdam Avenue from the 70s up where you can cruise up and get no red lights is particularly bad.)

       Reply

    2. @Marlene, Yes, you really do have to look all around, or as my husband says, "you have to keep your head on a swivel." I have almost been knocked down a few times by cyclists. Some of them think they are above the traffic rules. What I never understand are the drivers who challenge buses. A 2 ton car against a 25+ tons bus doesn't stand a chance!

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    3. @AnnieH, I've been hit twice by bikers in NYC. That said, if I'm driving around Manhattan, my car is much more nimble than a bus. (A friend said, "The only thing I really fear is being a passenger when Rose does 72 mph down 42nd Street." Hey, you snooze, you lose.)

       Reply

    4. @AnnieH,
       Love your husband's comment about keeping your head on a swivel.
       Brilliant and so true.

       Cyclists who sail through red lights and ride on sidewalks are the worst and there has been an increase in accidents involving them (both hitting and being hit.)

       Stay safe.

       Reply

    5. @Rose, Cars may be more nimble, but suddenly turning in front of a bus is foolish since the bus needs more road length to stop, as well as being heavy enough to crush a car. I have been on many buses that have had to stop short when some knucklehead suddenly decides to make a right turn from the left side of the bus at an intersection. One time that happened, a passenger was seriously injured when he was flung out of his seat to the floor and hit his head on a nearby pole. Thankfully buses have cameras now and can record what happened as evidence.

       Reply

12. Hi Marlene,
    I live in a very rural area compared to NYC so I enjoyed reading about your city life though I don't want to join you. 😉 I'm impressed by your amazing positivity and independence considering your obvious challenges. It's great that you found Ingrid and consider her family; I know how difficult it can be to find in-home caregivers as I had to do so for some family members. Finding reliable, trustworthy and competent caregivers and retaining them can be a full-time job. I hope I can remain as independent and positive as you as I age!

    Reply

    1. @Bobi,
       Yes, I am very lucky to have Ingrid. She is at the top of my list when I do my gratitude moments every day. She is exceptional in many ways and honestly, at this juncture, I don't know what I would do without her. As I not so jokingly tell people, the only reason I am not stressed out all the time is because of her.

       It has been a learning curve for both us but after nine years, we have a good way of working with each other. It's based on my respect for her and how I trust her, a trust she has earned.

       Speaking of finding good care givers. I have been looking for someone for nights and weekends and it is really hard. You can find a reliable dog worker anywhere anytime. But someone to help another human? Really tough.

       It's not a well-paying job and way too many folks have entered but have no real commitment to providing compassionate service. It's just a job.

       Ironically, many of the men and women who could be home health aides are immigrants who don't have green cards or citizenship so they can't be hired by various organizations. Many of these individuals come from a country and culture where being a care giver is an honorable and respected position. (I've learned this through various other aides I've had and nurses in the hospitals.)

       When a fast food worker who flips burgers makes the same or more than someone who is responsible for the physical well-being of another human, you can see why this job category needs the most people. Our country doesn't value this kind of work and the need for it only continues to grow.

       As for being positive. Honestly, I'm stressed out a lot of the time due to other health issues and the like. But I work to keep it together because really, there's no point to dwelling on what doesn't work (I will NEVER. EVER. stop wishing I could take baths again. They were my soul and sanity saver but now I cannot get up/down in a tub.) I remind myself that guess what? Others have it far worse off so keep going and be grateful.

       That's especially needed when dealing with folks, especially medical professionals, who dismiss your lifestyle changes and decline in quality of life by saying "Well, you're alive, aren't you?" Yes, I'm grateful I survived this cancer (and as someone who has cancer you never, ever stop worrying that it will return or get a new type), but I don't want to survive, I want to thrive. When you experience such a drastic change in life, it's not easy and never will be. The dependence thing is especially challenging. Going from being to do whatever, whenever to not being able to do the simplest things? Beyond frustrating.

       Aging no matter your health it is tough in our society where the loss of our hair, our appearance, etc just pushes some people away. We are not a society that accepts that changes we don't like (and cannot prevent) that are a part of the aging process. It's funny how you are told to deal with a disability but oh, look at how everyone rushes to get Botox or plastic surgery so they don't look bad or look older or less attractive.

       We do the best we can and remind ourselves that no matter our circumstances, just look around the world and realize things could be much, much worse.

       Reply

13. Hi, Marlene,

    As someone who is not at all fond of big cities, I loved reading your positive views on living in a huge one. We aren't all alike for sure, and that's a good thing. My kids have been to NYC on a short trip and my husband was sent there in the Navy to catch his flight to Spain, but that's as close as my family has come to the Big Apple.

    After my parents both had strokes, we dealt with one who walked unaided but slowly and one who used a cane or walker sometimes at home, but a wheelchair most of the time, and it was eye-opening to see how, even with the ADA, it can still be difficult or impossible to get around. Then when my husband had strokes and two surgeries on his legs, I really found out. For instance - I wish all ramps also had rain covers, and that open parking lots had rain covers over the handicapped parking spaces.

    It's fantastic that you have a great home health aide; I'm pleased for you!

    Thanks for submitting your meet a reader post; I enjoyed it!

    Reply

    1. @JD,
       You are correct in noting that it can be quite disturbing to find out how folks with mobility issues are treated, as you have witnessed first hand.

       Good ideas about covered ramps. But good ramps in general.

       I have had to change from two fabulous doctors because I could no longer get into their offices (they are professional offices on the first floor of residential buildings with concrete steps on the exterior and then steps inside). You'd think in this day and age, every medical facility would have some way to get in.

       ADA is somewhat of a joke because there are so many exceptions. Our building is landmarked, for example, so they could not install a permanent ramp (and continue to use an old, rickety piece of plywood for both wheelchairs and moving furniture in and out of the building unless movers have their own ramp.) It's a disgrace but nobody in building cares. Right now, I think there are three people in building who are either temporarily or permanently in a wheelchair.

       It's somewhat understandable when small businesses, who can't afford the cost of retro fitting, don't do. But larger and public spaces? Heck, you can't even get into bathrooms in some hospitals and medical facilities. And even if you fit through the doorway, the toilets are low and the handbars often improperly placed or positioned. When I was have been hospitalized, I could not get up/down from the toilet in my rooms. When I said I needed to have one of the portable toilets placed over the toilet I was told, "Don't worry. We'll pick you up if you fall." Seriously, a nurse said that!

       I insisted they find one of those portable toilets (with arms) and place it over the built-in one. It took two nurses two days to find one and they basically snatched it out of a pediatric ward. Another time I had to threaten to bring in my own (I will order it from amazon and charge it to this hospital. You must have at least one of these somewhere!) before a nurse found one. So even hospitals don't think enough about issues with mobility. (And fyi, some hospitals do not even have regular wheelchairs for you to use. I have had to ask ambulances to bring my transit chair so I can get up/down from bed without summoning the very very busy and not always available nurses.)

       Reply

    2. @Marlene,

       Your last remark, about not enough wheelchairs - oh my gosh, yes! When my husband was being released from a hospital one time, we waited two hours for them to find a wheelchair for him to be wheeled out. And that was with me agitating every few minutes to remind them to look harder. What do people do, who have no advocates?

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       1. Oh wow! That's terrible!

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    3. @JD, you would be surprised at just how many wheelchairs get stolen from hospitals. The newer and safer (and hard to steal) hospital wheelchairs are pricey! And nowadays, there aren't enough staff to go looking for an available wheelchair. Sometimes, family will put a wheelchair in their family member's room, so it is effectively "on hold" for them. Or, they wheel their own family member out, fold up the chair, and into the person's car it goes, leaving the hospital short a chair - many over the course of time. Or, patients arrive at the hospital, in need of a wheelchair (maybe with a lower limb fracture), and never leave the chair during the course of a very long ER visit. A lot of times, the hospital staff wants very much to advocate for their patient having a safe way to get discharged, but if they don't have enough chairs to go around, there's not much they can do.

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    4. @gina, I worked as a security officer & supervisor at a hospital for 10 years, ended up in the job by acciden & loved it. Anyway we had quite a bit of autonomy & did lots of extras like searching out wheelchairs which ended up all over the campus. Everything you mentioned about how people would steal or misuse them. Lots of people would stick a hospital owned WC in their trunk & take off. Kids would play with them.
       My late husband happened to be in that hospital as a patient quite a bit so I saw things from both sides, as an employee & as a patient family member. He received great treatment because he had also been an employee there & many of his providers knew him but I remember thinking how scary it would be to be limited in mobility without a family member or advocate.

       Reply

    5. @gina, OK this makes sense now. The last time I had a surgery, unfortunately I have had many, the nurse asked me if I wanted to wait for a wheelchair or if I could walk out.

       I was surprised because every other time they made a big deal about me being wheeled out.

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    6. @karen, I've noticed the same thing at our hospital. It was a "rule" for years, you had to wait to be wheeled out. Now, they hand you your paperwork and say you can go, never even offering a wheelchair! It can definitely be a problem if the patient has mobility problems or is even just a bit woozy after having anesthesia for a minor procedure. If you're a caregiver, you're on your own to get the person safely to a vehicle.

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    7. @gina,
       Tells you something when "there's not much" the staff can do.

       So much for empowering the caregivers in a hospital. Unsurprising these days as nurses are not treated well in so many places.

       Mt Sinai venues I've been in don't even have regular wheelchairs (except for discharge and then the unit is wheeled back).

       They have these weirdly shaped units that you cannot self propel, so maybe you are placed in it but you can only use if someone is around to wheel you (and no nurses for that; you'd need an aide or volunteer).

       Nurses have told me they have complained about lack of this and other equipment.

       Reply

14. Marlene, thank you for this fascinating glimpse into your life. I’m sorry that you’re on the receiving end of both cancer and a wheelchair and am glad your Medicare decision paid off for you. Looking at the cost of healthcare insurance as an investment in yourself is smart. How lucky are you to have Ingrid for so long and that her family is now your family!

    I, too, used the strategy of translating how many hours it would take to work to buy something. I think I was first introduced to the concept in the book “Your Money or Your Life” by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin.

    You mentioned price-tracking apps. How do those work and which ones would you recommend for finding the lowest prices on items?

    Reply

    1. @MB in MN,
       One of the ones I use is from Capital One (part of a perk as I have one of its credit cards).

       There's another that you see on Amazon pages. Camel something or other?

       I also do a lot of googling and check results under "Shopping"

       I use Rakuten and Retail Me Not for cashback.

       My credit cards also feature cash back for some companies.

       Healthcare is an investment and unfortunately so many individuals and families today cannot afford any kind of plan let alone the deductibles, etc and things not covered (transportation, special products and equipment).

       It pains me that we live in a country where everyone does not have access to healthcare. Everyone deserves the best quality of care. We all benefit from each other being able to get such care.

       Yea, cancer definitely sucked as we discuss in our wonderful cancer support group, Woman to Woman at Mt Sinai here in the city. But the toughest part is not even the treatment, but the side effects that can occur months and years afterwards (and which many doctors deny as being a side effect.) So many people have even more challenging situations with ongoing pain and related serious medical conditions. Wheelchair isn't great but as I mentioned before, things could be a lot worse. You can't always make lemonade but you do the best you can to cope.

       Ingrid is a blessing. I tell her that if she ever has to leave she better "take me with her."

       Reply

    2. @Marlene,
       Your posts & story are so interesting & well written! Thank you.
       The amazon price tracking thing is camelcamelcamel. I've never really been able to figure it out. It tracks prices over time.
       I have a capital one card also & it has that helpful price comparison feature you can use while online shopping.

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15. @Marlene, Hudson Classical Theater stages free productions in Riverside Park in the summer. The first one is being staged now. It's a pass the hat for donations kind of thing. I don't know if your wheelchair can be accommodated but maybe it is worth checking out.

    https://www.hudsonclassicaltheatercompany.org/mission.php

    Enjoyed your submission. My kid is in NYC, trying to make it as an actor, so your post was especially interesting to me.

    Reply

    1. @Molly F.C.,
       I am familiar with the group and another (Something like a roving shakespeare in the parking lot) that perform in Riverside park.

       Depending on the event's location, I can be wheeled around.

       In my neighborhood, there is only one park entrance/exit that is NOT a steep hill or incline so you have to work around that to get into the park.

       I am truly lucky that even if I don't go inside Riverside Park, I can enjoy its beauty on the sidewalks that line the park in my neighborhood.

       I wish your son good luck and good times. I admire anyone who comes to the city to live our their career dreams. In many ways, this is still a magical place because you never know what opportunity will present itself. At the very least you will meet some interesting people and have some interesting adventures.

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    2. @Marlene, actually my actor kid is a daughter. 🙂 She's been in the city since entering college. She'll be peforming there this summer and I'm very jazzed.

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16. Thanks for sharing with us, Marlene! I love You've Got Mail (it's one of the few movies I own) and it was fun to see places that are familiar from the movie.

    One of our closest friends when we lived in Virginia was wheelchair- bound and we learned a lot about accessibility in a hurry. It's something that has stuck with me in the 8 years since we moved away and I still find myself looking at houses through the eyes of accessibility, appreciating when trails are accessible, and examining placement of door openers and ramps when we're out. I hope that things like universal design become more prevalent in your area (and all areas!) and am glad you're able to find ways to enjoy the things you enjoy going to in your city.

    Thanks for the travel tips! I have only flown a handful of times and the first two were not things I knew!

    Like Kristen, I appreciated that some of the frugal things you do in your big city are the same things I do in my tiny city. It's great to learn from others like you, Marlene!

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17. Marlene, you are amazing in your resilience, sense of reality and ability to make a tough situation work, all with a great attitude. I would much rather deal with long drives, rattlesnakes, power outages, taking care of my own home repairs, skip the concerts, and events, than deal with uncooperative co-ops, high prices, public transportation and hordes of people. I am full of nothing but admiration for you! (And am shuddering to simply picture myself in your shoes)

    Where did you live before college?

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    1. @Central Calif. Artist,
       I truly respect that not everyone would even remotely want to live in a city, but as someone who has spent time in the country and suburbs (in friends' houses), I can tell you I am a city girl. I love the access to so many cultural events and meeting so many different people. When I lived in a small town outside of Philadelphia on the Main Line, life was stifling and very small town in its ways. It was NOT for me although my goal at the time was NOT to move to NYC but just to get to college out of where I lived (There were great schools in Philadelphia but I would have had to live at home and I had reasons to leave there ASAP.)

       One night when I was out walking in a Hudson Valley (NY) location, I came across fox, opposum, snakes !!! and later learned there was a bear sighting where I was walking. City girl freaked when mice ran through her friends bedroom that she was sleeping in. You have more guts and courage than I do to deal with what you listed. I respect that.

       I can hack noise, crowd, inconvenience but I'd be a crazed loonie if I had to deal with the commonplace stuff many homeowners face in the burbs and beyond. So I always hope that people get to live where they feel most comfortable. I feel bad for folks who come to any city when they don't want to. (say for a job or an illness or family needs). Life is too short to be miserable about your surroundings.

       I can barely sleep when I stay, alone, at friends homes. To me anybody can easily break in through so many ways (multiple windows, doors, etc.) I don't feel that way about any abode in the city.

       I was born near Philadelphia and lived in one of the so-called Main Line cities. Went to school with some very wealthy kids but I was most definitely NOT one of them. Back then you had rich folks and the rest of us living almost side by side and sharing the same schools.

       I attended college in Philadelphia before moving to NYC for college.

       I never, ever say that I'm from "Philly" / folks who live there don't call it that! It's like San Francisco residents. They never call if Frisco.

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    2. @Marlene, I am loving your thorough answers to every comment. Thank you! (And I called my neighbor to kill the rattlesnake 2 days ago, so I am kind of chicken/squeamish too).

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    3. @Central Calif. Artist,

       I'm a writer, editor, journalist and communications consultant. I think and write fast, a skill developed over time covering breaking events!

       Plus, it's so nice to have so many lovely comments. Deserve a response.
       Thank you.

       I'm freaking out just thinking about your rattlesnake, but then I've been known to scream bloody loud when I see those four and five inch water bugs we sometimes see in the building's laundry room!

       Reply

18. Thanks for the peek into your life, Marlene. As someone who came to the wheelchair life late in life, I know how it complicates getting around. The one thing that made a huge change in my life this year was buying one of the new lightweight electric wheelchairs. It weighs 39 pounds, has an easily changed battery, and easily folds up into a size that makes it easy to load and unload. It was pricy, over $2000, but worth every penny. I cannot use it in my garden or unpaved roads in the spring, when it is all mud, but for paved roads or dry dirt roads (not that there are probably many of them in NYC!), it works perfectly. You can also buy an airline case for it, like a large metal suitcase that easily holds the folded wheelchair, which reduces the likelihood of having the chair damaged in the cargo area.

    Coming from Alaska, it has always been hard for me to imagine living in such a populated place and NYC. I have visited a number of times, but not enough to feel comfortable walking around; I suspect some of that is too many years of watching Law and Order! You certainly made it sound more inviting.

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    1. @Lindsey,
       I will check this out Lindsey. Thank you. Had not heard of such a chair.

       Aside from price you mention paved roads. The sidewalks in NYC are horrible (that includes in front of expensive buildings on even Park and Fifth Avenue.

       The streets are filled with potholes in some places and the curbs are a mess.
       I have watched various men and women in those motorized chairs. The ones who I have seen, who are without an aid, rarely know how to maneuver and it's clear that physically they cannot do it. How they even got the chairs I don't know. Recently a bus was held up for almost 15 minutes when a woman could not maneuver to get off and the driver couldn't get to her. Finally the driver had to steer and get her off.

       I am not physically able to even use a motorized chair nor do I have a place to store it in my apartment. FYI: 39 pounds is NOT light and I could never move it or pick it up.

       This is information a lot of folks could use. As I said, I never saw this and no one ever mentioned. I'm lucky I have the cheap model Medicare pays for. (I purchased my transit chair myself because the wheelchair is too big to use in my 1923 built apartment. Only a transit chair will fit through our doorways. Thankfully I got one of those a few months after I got out of a two-month stint in PT rehab in 2014. A real lifesaver.

       I am sorry you don't feel comfortable here but I know that the crowds, the noise and the general chaos at times can be way too much. Especially in midtown and most especially in tourist places like Times Square. It is a bit different in actual neighborhoods with primarily residential buildings (along with stores).

       I love quiet, am not fond of crowds but somehow, it has never made me unable to enjoy myself. (Well, when our building facade was worked on for almost a year of almost daily drilling, I did almost loose my mind with the noise. ) I think there is just so much here that it outweighs the discomforts on some days. Especially as I don't drive (and never wanted to). It just works for me and I'm grateful. I want everyone to be where they feel most alive and comfortable. Besides, who wants EVERYONE to want to come and live here anyway? ha ha

       Thanks for the info on the wheelchair you mentioned.

       Reply

    2. @Lindsey,
       I think for many people their only idea of the city is what they see in the news or on TV. Yea, stuff happens here. No denying that. But these days, stuff happens everywhere. (Suburban malls are scary places to me based on all the shootings and bombings we've seen. )

       With something like 8 and a half million people you are bound to have crime of one sort or the other. But safety is no longer assured anywhere you live these days. So one chooses where you otherwise feel safe.

       I do feel more vulnerable in a wheelchair even with my aide. I am unable to get around on my own and even if I could, I might not do that in certain areas at certain times. I've traveled back and forth to the various boroughs via subway at all times of day and evening and, luckily, not felt like I was in a scene from Law and Order.

       When I moved here I was too young and naive to even think about danger. I had more scares in Philadelphia while living in a suburban dorm and traveling back/forth to classes in downtown Philadelphia than ever in NYC.

       I can only imagine how beautiful it must be to live in certain parts of Alaska (I think of it when I used to watch Northern Exposure tv show years ago). It certainly is beautiful. But it would freak me out to be in a place where no one lived nearby to even hear me scream for help if needed. I truly admire folks who are so self confident and independent at any age to live in such an environment.

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    3. @Marlene,
       I've lived in Anchorage, Ak for 30 years & knew nothing about Ak before coming. My sister & I came "for the summer" with backpacks & I just stayed. That said, there are a lot of differences in Ak based on where a person lives. Anchorage is nearly 300,00 in population & I actually saw my first opera, ballet, & live traveling Broadway performances here. Then there are very isolated small villages where people have lived traditionally for hundreds of years.
       I've been a volunteer at our city visitor center for quite a few years and, just like I was initially people are amazed at how large it is & how many variables there are. The weather is dramatically different depending on location. Anchorage is actually quite mild, winters are usually warmer than parts of the Midwest & our summers are very cool which I love while Fairbanks, in the interior has extremely cold winters & warmer summers. (Which I dislike) I think weather also has a lot to do with how comfortable a person is in any given place.
       I used to watch Northern Exposure also while living in northern New Mexico. It was such a "cool" show. There is a town named Talkeetna that is the one place that kind of makes me think of Cicily. (The town's "mayor" is a cat that lives in the general store.....

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19. I enjoyed reading your post, Marlene. I am recovering from ankle surgery after a fracture and have also had my eyes opened with regard to the difficulty faced by people with mobility issues. I live in suburban NJ and have been surprised to see several health care providers with curb cuts in poor repair so that people with wheelchairs and knee scooters can’t navigate them. I also remember commuting into the city as an obviously pregnant woman back in the 80s and having the people in front of my pretend to be asleep so they would not have to give up their seat to me.
    Pre-surgery,
    I loved the fact that I can ride NJ Transit into NYC for half price now that I am a senior. I’m not sure if the training schools for hair stylists are still doing this, but you used to be able to go to Redken and other providers in Manhattan to get inexpensive or free haircuts and other services from trainees. I occasionally look at a website called “The Skint” for ideas on free things to do in NYC. Big Apple Greeters does free tours that can be customized-I wonder if they have any tailored to the mobility challenged? I know that some of the Broadway and off-Broadway shows offer rush tickets, but it is usually on short notice. Like you, I’ve loved taking advantage of Restaurant week and try to combine it with the Broadway 2 for 1 promo that occurs in late summer and winter. I’m sure you are aware of this, but the NY Public library offers a wonderful selection of EBooksJust some random thoughts-but you are probably aware of them all.

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    1. @BethC.,
       I hope your recovery from surgery on your foot is going well. Hopefully you have some help and support so you don't have to do too much moving around while you heal.

       Yes, I am familiar with the various events/venues with reduced prices. Years ago I joined Theater Mania's Gold Club and got ridiculously low prices ($,4, $5, $6 for seats often in the orchestra!) for a variety of Broadway, off-broadway and other types of concerts, etc (Including at BAM). It was all last minute but I spent two years seeing two or three shows/events a week every other week and it was great because I saw some terrific stuff and altogether spent less than I would have paid full price for one orchestra seat for a broadway show.

       I have had my library card FOREVER and of course do a lot of ebooks, where available. The library has a service for the blind or others who can't get to it, and they can actually mail books TO you! A work colleague was blind and he got his books (audiotapes) this way.

       I haven't come across discounts per se for the mobility challenged and I can no longer do the Theater Mania Gold club because most venues, if they even have provisions for wheelchairs, they go fast. The number of venues that are wheelchair accessible is sadly, limited, due to the age/construction of the various buildings. There are a few theaters that are new or redone that have done a lot to make it easier for those with mobility challenges (A few have elevators to the mezzanine and balcony seating areas, because most theaters just have LOTS of stairs to the seats and/or to the basement where the restrooms are often located.)

       I have been fortunate to get seats at events at Alice Tully Hall. But even it has only about a dozen actual places for a wheelchair or a set aside where you can get out of the wheelchair and sit in a regular seat. You have to order like the first day tickets go on sale cause the wheelchairs seats get sold fast.

       If you wander around the various venues in Lincoln Center (the opera, the main theater, Alice Tully Hall, the recently renovated Geffen center), you will see tons of folks with walkers and canes and others who clearly have trouble walking. New Yorkers are pretty tough and they don't let much get between them and the activities they love.

       If everyone had to spend a week in a wheelchair and had to see how tough it is to get around, we might get more improvements. The ADA really has little weight in change than people might think. I am lucky. I work from home but every day, so many people, alone, with no aide, are having to get a subway and bus and often travel for HOURS to get to/from work. These are the heroes and I don't know how they do it. I know I could never have commuted every day.

       When we travel, my aide and I are always seeing who we can help. Because getting on/off busses with walkers and rollators and canes can be really hard. Unsurprisingly, the people who least protest you getting the space for a wheelchair are those sitting in the seats who have walkers and canes. They never get grumpy, just move unlike the able bodied asked to give up those seats (which give a warning that they must be vacated for wheelchairs) who grumble or protest. Empathy comes from those who are living it themselves.

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20. Marlene, it sounds like you are exactly where you want to be, despite the challenges and that you are making it work for the sake of being there. And I'm only asking this because I am right behind you, but because you are so frugal-minded, do you think you will also retire in NYC? I am in a situation of being not exactly where I want to be, but may end up back here, in Austin, for retirement. Key to that decision will be proximity to healthcare, family, and other services. What are your thoughts on that? (I also love how you leave no stone unturned in getting the full benefit out of being there!)

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    1. @gina,
       I am semi-retired as it is. I cannot afford to move elsewhere nor do I wish to. As long as I can stay in this building and have an aide, it's my plan. If not, well, there is nowhere else I could live except a big city like NYC with the same healthcare and transport options, services (and delivery services. I rely on stop/shop; fresh direct; and some others for food. Yes, my aide does some local shopping for fruits/veggies, bread and milk, but local supermarkets are way more expensive than shopping online. Of course online has delivery fees and tips.

       My one living relative (a nephew on the autism spectrum) lives in Florida and I could never live there for numerous reasons beyond the politics. Nor would I move back to Pennsylvania. If I'm lucky, this will be my final stop.

       It would be almost impossible to get out and about if I lived somewhere out of a city or in a spot in the city that was less accessible (I am one block from a major subway even though I can't ride it, my aide does and where your aide lives compared to where you live is critical in getting help. I have the main 104 Broadway line also a block away and a less populated line, the #5 on Riverside drive, which is another block from me the other way.

       Cabs, car services, Uber, etc all operate within the 5 boroughs so you at least have the possibility of a ride.

       The number of potential home health aides is also a bigger pool in a borough here than in the suburbs because with the salaries these folks are paid they could not even afford to commute from outside the city even if they had lower rents.

       We have several major medical facilities here (Mt Sinai, Sloane Kettering, NYU Langone, Lenox Hill, the list goes on) along with various places that do all kinds of test. True, they are often booked months out (Almost all my appointments this year were booked four to six months in advance! And finding some docs who take medicare and accept new patients is tough. It would be perhaps be even if not more challenging elsewhere.)

       The keys to where you live with retirement are: Affordable housing; availability of medical care; family or friends or other support systems; public transportation and an environment where you can do what you like whether it's attending cultural events or doing outdoor things like hiking, skiing, camping. And, of course, let us NOT forget the weather.

       It's a tough call but I will say this, the closer we are to the other end of our lives, the more I think we deserve to give ourselves the quality of life we would like. Sometimes it's an economic issue and/or a no support issue.

       I could not, literally, survive, without a good home health aide. Ingrid was sick one year and out for five weeks. They were the worst weeks of my life. Luckily, we have a young man who works in our building as a porter. I paid him to do things like get my mail and packages and bring them up; take out my trash and ensure that food deliveries got upstairs to me and sometimes help me unpack. It was a change of seasons so I had enough clean clothes (oh, the laundry when she returned) and I learned to live with a bed where sheets were not tucked but just laid across the bed.
       I had no backup so I could not get out for appointments or any park "wheels"

       Lack of home health aides is a major issue for folks even if not in a wheelchair but who need help. Tons of agencies around here but the quality of those they employ? We're talking C- and Ds if not worse. I will not detail the reasons why.

       It's tough to have to weigh the various factors BUT...if you can find a way to live where you want, do it.

       A friend and I were talking about what we could do if we could not longer afford our apartments. We talked about sharing a place with a third party who would be younger and who might help around the house with a reduction in the rent for them. This could not be done in NYC and it would require someone to drive (I don't drive. Never did and am proud to say that I contribute to the safety of others by NOT driving.) so that is another issue.

       A very wise friend with an expensive for him when he retired apartment signed up years ago for senior housing. He got in but there was a huge BUT...he still drives and needs to but there were no facilities to park. The nearest place to park was almost a mile away. He could not walk that multiple times or even once a day. He would have had to pay for cabs (which would eat up any savings he had in rent).
       Also, he has trouble walking and the buildings have NO ELEVATORS. Can you imagine senior housing with no elevators? He lives out of New York city and the places for seniors that are affordable for low income seniors are pretty good.

       In the city, few places and you would NOT want to live there.

       Sometimes you have to get really creative. I've seen resources online that pair seniors with others who need adult roommates or who want to help out a senior person by sharing their space. Really tough to make a good match.

       Do what you can, ask for help and get creative in thinking about how you could live if forced to change housing if you wanted to stay in the same place or move elsewhere.

       Good luck. None of us knows how our health and other factors will play out. We just have to hope and pray we have the stamina and wherewithall to deal with whatever shows up.

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21. How exciting you can go see events at Juilliard for free! Living in the city has some nice perks.You sound like you have the experience to get the most of of NYC!!

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    1. @Madeline,
       New Yorkers, by nature, make the most of situations. We're very big on free and bargains ("Never pay retail" used to be a rallying cry when you could get some things wholesale.)

       Yes, the Juilliard events are fantastic. If you've ever seen the list of those famous folks who've attended you realize that we are indeed seeing many of the stars of tomorrow in dance, music and theater.

       I remember seeing Philippa Soo, for example, long before Hamilton and now, Camelot.

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22. Thank you for sharing, Marlene! So fun to read about someone else's experience in a different part of the county. I live in California, and while I have travelled a bit, I have never been to NY. You sure seem to have figured out how to make it work for you. I applaud your good attitude. Also, the airline tips are fantastic.

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    1. @Jen,
       I am still a huge fan of various parts of California and the state in general. If I had all the money in the world, I'd live part of the year in Marin or Sonoma or San Francisco or Santa Barbara.

       I do hope you get to visit. If so, avoid Times Square except to go to the theater.
       And research before you go to find offbeat places the locals go to. The tourist spots are really just crowded and over rated with rare exceptions.

       If you enjoy diversity, lots of options for activities and interacting with people, it's worth a visit. To be honest, though, I tell folks that for my mind, it's easier to live here than to visit. Especially at Christmas when the place is packed and locals can't even get into places to eat for lunch while working due to crowds.

       And, yes, sometimes we locals get real cranky about the behavior of visitors (Example: walking side by side with three or four people in essence blocking the sidewalks! Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to gawk and having people run into you. Pull over, please.)

       But in general, as long as you are not stopping someone going to or leaving work, New Yorkers love helping people find places, etc. We are proud of our city, even though we know it is far from perfect.

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23. Thanks for participating in this awesome series, Marlene. I just loved hearing about all of the joyful activities of your days. At the same time, you brought out important information about mobility issues and started a very interesting discussion of a topic that sooner or later might apply to any of us. And, with such a positive attitude!

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    1. @Erika JS,
       Thank you, Erika. Yes, mobility issues is a discussion for everyone, everywhere, all the time (to paraphrase the movie) because sooner or later one will experience it either for themselves or for a loved one.

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24. Thank you, Marlene, for contributing.

    I have always loved the depth and breadth of The Frugal Girl's Meet a Reader posts.

    Your sharing has been one of my favorites, We have many differences, but I so enjoy seeing how commonly held goals (best life for your buck achieved with careful and creative spending) is achieved in different ways.

    I am single woman on the cusp of retirement, living in a small midwestern town who will be looking at some health limitations in the future and need to make wise decisions.
    I've kind of resigned my self to a limited life at closer to home. Your post has given me food for thought and put some wind in my sails. Please know that you have greatly encoruaged one person. Thank you so much.

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    1. @Mitzie,
       Oh, Mitzie, thank you. Our lives take on different "shapes" due to health (you don't have to be in a wheelchair or have mobility issues to have daily, ongoing challenges ) and it is sometimes very very tough to keep going and not let our lives shrink.

       I think part of the key to thriving (surviving is NOT enough) is finding support. I belong to an ongoing, online cancer support group of women. We don't always have solutions but we do always have words of recognition, encouragement and hope for each other. As a mentor for other cancer patients, I ended up being close friends with a woman in Arizona. Very different backgrounds and work/family histories, but we became real pals. She passed in November and I tell you, I was crushed. It was another cancer and it was sudden and unexpected. The conversations we had about things that were on our mind were just so great. Everyone needs someone like that and I hope you have someone.

       It is so important to get support. I have no family and my friends, bless them, live all over and have crazy busy lives with their kids and work. But their acknowledgment of the challenges I (and many of them) face helps us just moving through and along.

       It is hard to not let your life "shrink." I mean you don't want to hear how many times a day, after 9 years, I keep saying: "I miss my daily baths. I want to get a bath again." I'm never not gonna miss them, walking in the park or dancing around my apartment as I used to do daily.

       And let no one glamorize my life or my strength or positivity. I have moments of railing against things and honestly, I have never really accepted being in a wheelchair. Even though it is clear nine years later, that things not only will not get better but unfortunately, as I learned last week, could get worse. But that's OK. I can get crazy frustrated but then it releases me to move on. Denying our feelings is where it gets tricky. Pretending our lives don't outright suck about some things? It sucks and then we figure out what we can do. It isn't easy and it isn't always doable. I'm lucky in that I've lived alone and gone my own way so much of the time. Being inside for Covid was nothing new for me. But we all want to be part of a larger world than our own heads and feelings. AND...ironically, focusing on how to help others with things is a very good way to pull ourselves out of our own heads, which we must do for our own sanity.

       But we learn to grieve and mourn the life we had, the person we were (because any major health issue changes us in ways we don't always even understand or are aware of. Honestly, I'm still uncovering aspects and it amazes me.)

       If you can, try as hard as you can to still do things you enjoy. If you can't, find new sources of joy. (I have started following a few people online who live abroad and it's like taking a weekly vicarious trip to see friends. It's a different type of community but still, in its way, a connector.)

       I'm also big on watching theater, music and other types of events online. The pandemic had one good thing in that venues/organizations started to offer things either live or recorded to stream online. Is it the same as being there? No. But...it still provides access.

       You deserve joy and peace and connection. Don't forget that. Set the intention of finding what you need. You never know who or what will show up in your life!

       M

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25. loved your post. sorry for your health issues. a bunch of years ago, right before a family trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas, I discovered my passport had expired. It was so difficult to renew it in Manhattan where I live, that I had to go to Philadelphia. Got the new passport that day.

    am so glad you have an aide whom you trust and who takes good care of you. that is very important. all the best to you.

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    1. @Anita Isaac,
       Brilliant solution. Go elsewhere! Honestly, that never even occurred to me!

       Today, however, wherever you are, there's still a backlog.
       Understaffing or no staffing since Covid has wreaked havoc with some aspects of travel.

       I didn't mention how airlines have cut back on routes and overall capacity.
       It's going to be an interesting summer. Last year was a nightmare.

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26. Loved reading about you. I too have had recent life changes. A stroke in 2017 left me unable to use my dominate side. I am out of the wheelchair now and can walk slowly with a cane but will never have use of my dominate arm and hand. I miss old lefty! But, thank goodness for reading this and other helpful blogs I've survived on much less income since I couldn't go back to my fast-paced job! I live in the midwest so life is very different for me. I really enjoyed your travel tips!

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    1. @Sherrie Nicholson,
       Recovering from any kind of stroke may be one of the most daunting things anyone can face. I hope you continue to recover and that not being able to use your left hand becomes less challenging. We are more able to adapt than we give ourselves credit for but hey, let's not kid ourselves about how daunting it is. (Just getting in and out of the chair for the bathroom with my ever decreasingly strong legs is a constant reminder. Luckily for once a small bathroom is a GOOD thing and I have it set up with multiple items to hold onto.)

       Glad you enjoyed the travel tips. People who travel a lot know, from experience, about the pitfalls. But infrequent travelers are often unaware of some basics.
       I worked for several years for an international travel company writing columns with tips and such and now work for someone who is probably among the top three experts in the field so I have been exposed to a lot of information.

       In many ways our lives differ by where we live, how we live, what we do for work, but in the end, really, we're all more similar in what concerns us about the quality of our lives. And that's what it's all about: quality of life. As we define it.

       I wish that you get all the resources you need to live, as Oprah says, "Your best life."

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27. Marlene, I really enjoyed reading this and all of the subsequent comments. I’m usually late to the party which means that everyone else has already said what I planned to say… but no one has commented on how absolutely gorgeous your hair color is! You have got a great head of hair lady!

    I am in the process of having to move from the mountains of Arizona to another location. I hope I am able to find a spot that has me as content as you seem to be in New York City.

    Thanks again for such a lovely read, and for taking so much time to answer all the comments!

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