Meet a Reader | Book Club Elaine
Today we are meeting a reader that I know in real life! We didn't start out that way, though; as you will read below, she found me online first.
But one month, we both happened to be going to the same book club; she walked in, looked at me, and said, "OH MY GOSH it's the frugal girl!" Heh.
And Elaine is the one who gave me my little nightstand and lamp for my bedroom.
Plus, her husband kindly gave me some of his extra tools, since I was mostly starting from scratch after I left my marital home.
And you may remember seeing this picture of a mug at her house from when we had coffee together.
So. Here is Elaine!
1. Tell us a little about yourself.
I am a retired scientist who was always more focused on my family than my career. So, I didn’t go terribly far in the professional world but now I am very grateful for that monthly pension check and I’m REALLY enjoying retirement.
2. How long have you been reading The Frugal Girl?
Since Katy at the Non-Consumer Advocate recommended this blog. Quite a few years.
3. How did you get interested in saving money?
On my fifth birthday, my father gave me a small locking bank and began giving me five pennies every Friday afternoon when he got home from work. I vividly remember him opening up his hand and those pennies shining brightly at me.
You can bet that I waited at the door very excitedly every Friday afternoon!
I am grateful that he taught me to save money before learning how to spend it. It did, however, make me a bit of a miser until I married a guy who is my mirror opposite.
4. What's the "why" behind your money-saving efforts?
At my age, it’s just habit. I doubt very much that I could at this point go crazy and become a spendypants, to quote Mr. Money Mustache.
(That’s not to say that I haven’t wasted a good bit of money during my lifetime, but I prefer not to dwell on past mistakes.)
5. What's your best frugal win?
Buying a 2005 Honda Civic with no air conditioning and only 30,000 miles in 2007 for $5,000.
That little car got us through two teenage drivers with all their activities and forced them to learn to drive a five-speed, which is probably a skill they do not need anymore but at the time it seemed important.
6. What's a dumb money mistake you've made?
Hmm, I wish it were just one thing!
Recently it was taking invested money out of the stock market and letting it sit in low-interest savings for a couple of years because I believed the gloom and doom headlines. Ouch!
7. What's one thing you splurge on?
Hmm, I wish it were just one thing!
Just this morning two locally made chairs were delivered to my doorstep to complete our dining set, a solid walnut table with five leaves and eight matching chairs.
None of that was frugal, but we planned for it, didn’t borrow the money, and took 12 years to complete the set, adding chairs and leaves as needed and even having the top refinished so it looks like new.
8. What's one thing you aren't remotely tempted to splurge on?
A Tesla. I know there are plenty of arguments against it, but that’s my final answer.
9. If $1000 was dropped into your lap today, what would you do with it?
Put it in the travel fund. My husband doesn’t like to travel but it’s always easier to entice him if there’s a lot of money set aside for it.
10. What's the hardest part of being frugal?
Some of my relatives seem to feel sorry for me, which is a bit embarrassing. I try to let them see that I am not a tightwad, I’m just frugal.
11. Is there anything unique about frugal living in your area?
I live between two cities in the Mid-Atlantic region, so property taxes and housing prices are relatively high and there’s not much countryside left.
However, because of overcrowding, there are two Costcos, four Aldis and five Walmart stores within short driving distances. And always a lot of yard sales.
12. What single action or decision has saved you the most money over your life?
Avoiding impulse spending whenever possible. Pressure to spend a large sum of money immediately actually gives me a stomachache.
13. What is something you wish more people knew?
Spending money unnecessarily does not make us content – something that Kristen communicates in just about every blog post.
14. How has reading the Frugal Girl changed you?
Profoundly!
Kristen’s example and practical suggestions have made this former pessimist see the cheerful side of living on less. Plus reading the comments makes me see that I have a lot of kindred spirits. Even though I don’t comment very often, I get great joy from reading the Commentariat.
I would love to sit down over a cup of coffee or tea (or perhaps a glass of wine) and enjoy a chat with each one of you!
_______________
Elaine, your last response made me smile. 🙂 I'm really glad that reading my blog has brought so much cheer to your life!
You mentioned marrying someone with your opposite approach to money, so I am curious: what tips do you have to share about navigating a marriage with differences in spending habits? I bet readers would love to know what has worked (and if you are comfy sharing, what has NOT worked too.)
Thanks for sharing, Elaine! Your cup of courage and your fridge magnet made me smile. 🙂 Also, your dining room table is beautiful! I appreciate a nice dining room table with leaves to expand. (I'm an exciting person, I know. 😉 ) I'm sure it will bring you lots of enjoyment in the years to come.
I hope that your blanket finds a new baby to snuggle soon. Newborn snuggles are the best! And as someone who isn't too far removed from the baby stage, it's a very sweet thing of you to do that for others.
I'm glad to have you as part of this community and glad you got to meet Kristen for real! Have a lovely day!
@Ruth T, that darn autocorrect makes me crazy! Isn't it funny how what is exciting to us is boring to the rest of the world ;-). There's definitely more sitting down time at this time of life and I have found that having something to do with my hands is very peaceful, hence the baby blankets. When I walked into book club and saw Kristen for the first time, I felt like I was in the presence of the Queen. Silly but true.
@Ruth T, I love tables that expand, too. Maybe it's a Michigan thing. 🙂
@Kris, Not just Michigan - mine expands and I love it, too. The flexibility is great. My thrifted table even came with thick felt pads. Sometimes I use them on my beautiful-but-finicky wood-topped kitchen island when there's a cooking frenzy going on.
Not silly at all @Elaine N - I'm a Canadian who drives through what I'm assuming to be her part of the world every couple of years and I always make sure we stop for gas, hoping to catch a glimpse of my favourite frugal celebrity!
@Elaine N, I would definitely be thrilled to meet Kristen in person! I would probably be have a fan-girl moment and be at a loss for words.
Elaine, it was a delight to read your interview this morning. You seems to have a pleasant attitude towards life. I like that you find having multiple shopping venues helpful. I have local friends that shop at various Costcos (at least 4 different ones and I shop 2-3 with some regularity). I suspect you are not far from me geographically and we may overlap in the Costcos we shop. We also have a slew of "grocery" stores beyond Giant Food, Safeway, and Weis. We have Aldi, Lidl, Grocery Outlet, and Asian, Indian, and Hispanic markets all within a couple miles of our home.
Your rhododendrons are beautiful. There are so many lovely flowering shrubs in the
Mid-Atlantic region this time of year but I have not seen rhododendrons this year.
@K D, if only there were Frugal Girl t-shirts, then we would recognize each other at once!
@Elaine N and @K D, I think there should be not only Frugal Girl t-shirts, but a Frugal Girl Jamboree or at least regional meetups. These would be along the same lines as the day camp for kids Amy Dacycyzn described as "Camp Tightowaddie."
I'm in the Mid-Atlantic region and would be glad to host a "Frugal Jamboree" at a public park sometime this summer! I'm picturing just a date / time / location- with BYO chairs/blankets, lunches, etc.
Frugal, of course 🙂
Any interest?
I'll be there!
Yes, yes. Now let's start a design competition for the front of the t-shirt graphics. There are a million things we could do. I'm thinking of a drawing of a fistful of dollar bills with a hand squeezing them until they choke.
@PD,
I'm a mid-Atlantic girl too, and think it would be a great idea! I'm having eye surgery in July but if something's planned and held at a time I'm back to driving, I'd be there!
@PD, that would be fun!
Elaine, thank you for sharing your story.
@PD,
It sounds like a good idea.
@Elaine N,
Count me in for a t-shirt!!!!
@PD, I’m in!
No T-shirts, how nerdy.
GANG SIGNS!
I finally mastered "blood" with my fingers; now I gotta work on "frugal."
@Rose, hilarious! I'm quite sure all of us could pass as gang bangers. 😀
@PD, Yes!
Nice to meet you, Elaine. Greetings from the other side of the state (the one where there is a lot more countryside but fewer shopping options nearby). I love your magnet.
@Jody S, my dad was from southwest VA and my mom from the Great Smokies so I love your part of the world.
Hi Elaine - thanks for sharing your life & thoughts with us. I, too, live in the Mid Atlantic area & live in the same area as you & Kristen. I appreciate your response to #12 about how spending a large sum of money gives you a stomachache. Right there with you! Our area is pricey & gives us a lot of opportunities to exercise our frugal muscles.
Hi Elaine! My husband bought an ancient Ford Ranger in large part because he wants our children to learn to drive stick before they drive a manual. It's easier to learn that way, and it is a good skill to have. I think it helps you understand better how a car works, and out here in the country there are still manual trucks and some machinery.
@kristin @ going country, driving manual transmission is just fun!
@Elaine N, I find it extremely tiring. I only really started to enjoy driving when we got our first automatic. Didn't teach my kids to drive manual, either. Plus they may be a little cheaper (if you can find one) but you don't have to replace a worn out clutch either.
@Rose, I used to work with a guy who was so proud of his stick shift car but replaced the clutch twice in three years. One day I rode with him and discovered he drove with his foot on the clutch. Nothing could get him to understand that you only touch a clutch when in use. He was an idiot about a lot of things.
I loved driving a stick, but it is fatiguing and then my left knee gave out.
@Elaine N, It really is. It's going to be hard for my next car (whenever that is) to be a stick.
Elaine, another advantage of your kids learning stick is that their teen-aged friends probably can't drive it. One less thing to worry about. 'Twas nice to meet you and what a crazy way to meet Kristen in person.
@Elaine N,
Ugh, noooooooo......my parents, who were NOT good driving teachers, tried to teach me how to drive in my mom's old-school manual VW Beetle. What a disaster. Between their lack of patience, insistence that I master this skill immediately (they only took me out driving maybe once a month, if that), and my complete inexperience and fear, it was a freaking nightmare. No, thank you. I will forever be a hard-core automatic car driver.
I had a stick shift for a number of years (without power steering too!), so I can do it but I don't love it. Automatics are my jam.
@Liz B., I too am not a good driving teacher. My daughter’s first lesson ended with both of us in tears
@Liz B., The first thing my son asked the first time he was behind the wheel was, "OK, so how do I pop a wheelie?"
@kristin @ going country, when my husband and I were dating he bought a new Honda Accord manual car and taught himself to drive it. He told me he was going to drive it until our future kids learned to drive and then he would teach them to drive manual.
And sure enough it came to pass both our daughter and son learned on that car and drove it to high school.
I also drove that car when I got a job I had to drive for. The car was so old and I was paid milage, that we were making money on the car.
That car was with us so long it was like a member of the family.
@kristin @ going country, I love my three pedal car. For several years my year and model was the most stolen vehicle in California, so my hope was always that the bad guys didn’t know how to drive stick.
@Elaine N, I agree. The first stick shift I had was a really tough car to learn on so everytime I drove stick after that was easy. The second one I had was little and zippy and even though I had to drive it in horrendous Los Angeles traffic, I loved that car and I miss driving stick shift. I have't done it in SOO long. It did come in handy once when a friend drank too much and no one else really knew how to drive his car. I took him home and his wife was so thankful.
@Rose, I expect that at this time of life, driving a five speed would be really hard on my knees and right arm.
@Rose,
Lol! 🙂
@Elaine N,
I understand completely. I know I shed many tears all those years ago....my mom would get angry and frustrated at me, and my dad just kind of "gave up". Sigh.
@WilliamB, Haha, my dad always said that about teaching me to drive stick. He said I could drive in any car if needed for an emergency, and my friends wouldn't be able to drive HIS car that I was driving, which he liked just fine lol.
@Liz B., My soon to be stepfather tried to teach me how to drive my mom's old school VW Beetle. After we roared down the sidewalk (not kidding) because I'd only ever driven automatics, I killed the engine, said to him is that okay, got out of the car, and RAN back to my apartment. He got the Beetle off the sidewalk, parked it, and came inside white as a ghost looking for an alcoholic drink!!
So very nice to meet you!!
Kristen, your question about marriage to someone who is completely opposite in regard to money is a good one. I'm very interested to know what other readers think.
My husband is from a family that loves to spend. I am from a family that loves to save. I'm actually feeling a little sick as I type, thinking back on the first two decades of our marriage and that tension of having no money in reserve and carrying debt. We alternated who paid the bills, but the end result was always the same and I always felt hopeless. As we both progressed in our careers, things eased up a bit, but the attitudes did not change.
I can't remember what prompted me to ask my husband to attend a Ramsey Financial Peace University class, but he agreed and that is when we were suddenly on the same page. Interestingly, we don't follow all the Ramsey methods, such as we do use credit cards, but we went through the baby steps (albeit not in order) which is the backbone of the program.
One thing I love about personal finance is that you add or subtract numbers and that's your answer. Relationships between human beings as we all know, don't work that way.
@Elaine N, I love that about personal finance also. My husband's family is also spendy, even when they haven't had much to spend (thankfully they didn't dig themselves into a deep hole). My husband is a saver compared to them, but he saves towards a specific goal, then spends on that goal. I like to save with no specific purpose in mind... It just gives me peace to have money in the bank. However this has caused tension between us at times and we have learned to compromise. We attended Dave Ramsey FP classes as newlyweds and this certainly helped us talk through many things and get rid of the little debt we had at the time.
@JP, talking about money and priorities is such a huge thing and I didn’t hear it in my house growing up. All I heard was “put your money in savings”, which isn’t helpful in calculating how much rent you can afford.
@Elaine N, I could have written this story, from the opposite husband and more interested in family than career to my in-laws considering me a tightwad for FORCING my children to eat generic cereal. My husband did not have a financially stable childhood and that turned into a need to spend money in adulthood to feel good about himself. Buying used/doing without/waiting for a sale makes him feel unworthy. My family did not have a lot of money but my parents were very frugal and we saved carefully so we could travel. This has turned me into extremely frugal as an adult and my husband has to encourage me to spend on anything but travel (which he would rather have a new car than a vacation, but here we are) We did Dave Ramsey when we first married and it did give us a lot to talk about, though we did not follow it (though our only debt has been cars and a mortgage, so I guess we were kind of on that path). What has helped us is budgeting “fun money” for my husband to spend on his own outside of our regular budget (you want to buy random McDonald’s or another model tractor, go ahead!) He can spend without having to “answer” to me and I can know that it’s not endless (I mentally know it’s not endless but emotionally I sometimes struggle seeing things I would consider unnecessary) After that, a lot of patience and understanding on both sides. Our biggest struggle is around cars as I would drive the same car forever and he would like to have something new every couple years. Again, patience and understanding, but it’s definitely not easy! Oh and with the in-laws, doing my best to ignore things goes a long way. I’m sure they ignore my stories about my latest deal or secondhand find!
@Elaine N, what a tremendous relief for you when your husband said that he would go to FPU!! And then he became a convert.
@Kristin W, I will definitely add a new category to the monthly spending plan— fun money. I never question purchases on the Lowes card, which is a mixture of home repair and maintenance, hobbies, gifts and fun stuff…at least that’s what I think it is.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, it really was!
@Elaine N, Ramsey calls fun money "blow money", and it is an actual budget item each month!
@Kristin W,
Elaine, so nice to meet you and thanks for sharing!
My husband thankfully isn't careless about spending by nature, but for someone as far over on the frugal spectrum as I am, even "normal" people seem so careless/wasteful with money to me! I think we have contributed to each other finding balance with money - I relaxed a little and he tightened up a little.
Kristin W, I agree. Having fun money, blow money (that one makes me laugh), personal money, whatever you call it, has been a game changer for us. We have a separate section for each of us in online banking with our budgeted amount automatically transferring there each month. As we use it, we just transfer the $ to checking. Family bills and purchases we agree on. Personal money pays for whatever "dumb" stuff I want to buy (makeup, eating out 'extra') or he wants to buy (occasional alcohol, 'extra' tools/optional garden supplies, etc.). Sometimes we don't want to spend "family" money on something and decide to pay half/half with our fun money, like maybe on a new videogame or VERY occasional UFC fight (the price, yikes!). This system has really given us both the structure and flexibility we needed!
Your dining room table is beautiful! I love that you purchased handmade furniture. In a disposable world, it wonderful to see something made with care and something that is meant to last for decades ( maybe centuries). Also, the baby blanket is lovely.
I also am a saver. I used to keep my money in a tennis can under my bed as a child. I married a man who approaches money much differently than I do. It’s not always easy. I took over the tasks early in our marriage of paying the bills, doing our investing, and keeping a budget. 38 years into our marriage, I still do not like the way he handles money. However, we have everything we need and my wants are few.
I have chosen to focus on his many good points. But importantly, I have learned that I do not have to have control over every penny that comes through the house —- but I would sure like to. 🙂 After all this time, I also understand why his attitude towards money is so different from mine. Sometimes it takes a long time to unpack the baggage of childhood.
Thank you for sharing. Wishing peace, good health, and prosperity.
@Bee, and Elaine,
You two are making me happy I'm single!
@Bee, I like your attitude. I still have to remind myself at times that the more important thing is our relationship, not the dollars. I wasn’t raised that way so it’s a challenge.
@Fru-gal Lisa, well, singleness is definitely less complicated!
Hi Elaine, nice to meet you. I love your frig magnet! Autocorrect drives me nuts, especially when using talk to text! Your baby blanket is beautiful, and I think it's so wonderful that you share your talents with new parents and babies.
I have always pretty much been a pessimist but reading Kristen's blog has helped me look for the positives in life.
Hi Elaine! How fun that Kristen is in your book club. Your autocorrect picture made me laugh. I don't think that your table and chairs are un-frugal (is that a word? Well, it is now!). A table that can seat many people, and chairs to accompany it, tells me that you are someone who enjoys hosting and wants her guests to be comfortable. I think of that as a generous thing. Thanks for sharing a peek of your life with us!
@Kris, unfrugal definitely should be in the dictionary and autocorrect.
Nice to meet you, Elaine! I would love to have joined the same book club, what a fun encounter you both had.
Like other readers, I'm admiring your beautiful dining room set. How wonderful to have collected five leaves and eight custom chairs. We found a beautiful teak dining table with three leaves at an estate sale, but my friend bought the chairs belonging to it. I've been on a hunt ever since to collect other matching chairs to fit the full 12 seats. I think we are up to 7 mid-century style chairs now, with a couple broken ones waiting to be fixed.
I also live in the same area and was nodding in agreement in how you described it. It does sometimes feel lonely to be of a frugal mindset here, so I also second the idea to share a cup or glass of drink together!
@Kristina M., I hope you find chairs to complete your set. How frustrating that your friend took the chairs.
Elaine, I loved everything about your post. How lucky you are to have Kristen in your real-life circle.
At 64 1/2 years old, I just bought (used of course) my first dining room table with leaves (two in fact) and eight chairs. Just knowing that we can seat that many people comfortably is kinda exciting.
The weekly pennies from your dad is a great memory, and the baby blanket you made is beautiful.
@MB in MN, congratulations on your table with leaves and lots of chairs! I love having a big table when I need it and a smaller more cozy one all other times.
Hi, Elaine, I love the table and chairs! Well worth it, I would say.
I love your dad's habit of bringing home pennies to you. That's a neat way to start money management.
It's wild that you and Kristen are in the same book club. That's the kind of thing that would never happen to me, but I'm tickled that it happened to you both!
@JD, I never thought I’d meet a celebrity before either—it took my breath away!
Hi Elaine, I loved reading about you. Your kindness comes through in your post. Also, the story of how you and Kristen met made me smile. 🙂
Elaine, so many things to love about your post---the pennies story, your expandable table and chairs, the baby blanket, and the flowers that are greeting you these days. I envy you the number of stores, but I am not willing to live in a population area that supports that many stores. The other day I was complaining about being out in rush hour, a remark generated by the fact that there were three cars ahead of me at the stop light! Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Haha, and if I had only three cars I would say, "oh my gosh, the roads were positively empty!"
@Lindsey, oh to have a three car rush hour!
@Lindsey, both my BFFs (JASNA BFF lives in Manhattan and Grad School BFF lives in the Chicago suburbs) ridicule my idea of a "rush hour." It's busier than yours, but not nearly as busy as theirs.
@A. Marie, I kinda love rush hour in Manhattan though if I'm driving. It's totally fun to pwn cabbies. Ha ha ha, you think I'm scared of you? Watch THIS! *floors it*
@Lindsey, One of the reasons I love the comments section is how all types of us are here! I agree with you - my town doesn't even have a stoplight haha. I can't imagine having 4 Costcos in driving distance like another commenter mentioned! Nice for comparison shopping but NO THANK YOU to the population/traffic required to support all of that haha.
Nice to meet you, Elaine!
My daily driver is a '64 manual Ford pick up. I have a SUV that is auto and my big farm truck is automatic. I taught my daughter to drive stick and her first car was my old '86 Honda accord.
I love your dining room set! I have my grandmother's Amish made dining room set and was so thankful that I could order extra leaves and chairs in the same classic style.
Heirloom furniture is a worthwhile spend to me.
Your snarky magnet gave me a hearty smile.
Elaine, you seem delightful!!
I love that you make baby blankets… the one you’ve shown in a photo is beautiful.
Your dining table and chairs are wonderful. I commend you for gathering the leaves and chairs over time rather than purchasing all at once.
My husband and I didn’t have a dining table when we moved into our current home 18 years ago. In our previous home, we did have a small table and 4 mismatched chairs but we gave them to the family who bought that home as they had hardly any furniture except beds. So for our new home, we splurged and bought a large oak table with extra leaves and 8 chairs. As well, we purchased a smaller oak table with 4 matching chairs. We saw these table sets as an investment in providing comfortable space for family and friend gatherings. And through the years, we’ve gotten so much use out of the tables and chairs, we still think it was a good investment. As well, we think of these tables as something of good value we can pass on to our son and daughter if they should want them.
I agree with other readers who think it would be fun to have a get-together with Kristen and her frugal followers.
@Martha O., investing in friends and family is always worth it!
Elaine N, so nice to read about you. I confess to envy that you get to know Kristen in real life. It is probably past time for me to look up which states are considered "Mid Atlantic". Like you, at my age frugality is automatic.
I'll take my rural situation with open spaces over easy access to all the big stores any day. I'm with you 100% on a Tesla, and love your fridge magnet. And I am SO IMPRESSED that you got a 2- year-old Civic for only $5000 and taught your kids to drive stick. It is a dying skill. I hope to find such a deal when my '96 Accord finally bites it (but with A/C).
I don't deem knowing how to drive a manual unimportant these days. You *never* know if a situation arises that a manual is the only transportation you have. Personally, I love driving a manual and miss mine every day. Perhaps some day when it is just me driving, I'll have one again.
I will say the memory of driving one never leaves you. I still occasionally catch my self ready to put in the clutch and shift.
Elaine, your dining set is gorgeous!!!
love, love, love your post. i am so jealous that you have met kristen irl.
i want to meet her almost as much as i want to meet dolly parton. i tried the underwear recommendation. they are worth every penny and then some. they are so comfortable and there is a rewards program. i couldn't wait for thankful thursday. i forget who recommended them but she should get the reward for my purchase and maybe kristen could get some reward. with 9000 followers imagine the rewards. just saying. all the best to you and your family. thanks so much for sharing.
@Anita Isaac,
Hahaha I think I want to meet Kristen even more than Dolly Parton! If the get-together works out, we could all tell Kristen "I'm more excited to meet you than _____________."
Aww, that is so sweet. You made me smile. 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Elaine. Once taught how to drive a manual/stick I never went back! Bought my current stick new! in 2016 for under 20k.
An electric car is not on my horizon, either.
Now I'm having FOMO about your book group, it sounds like my kind of crowd!
@ElaineN enjoyed your dining table! Truly a family treasure!! Baby blankets too become a family treasure to be passed down. Glad you found your happy balance, it can take awhile to get there. Meeting Kristen at a book club would also be a treasure. So nice to meet you!!
Nice to meet you Elaine. I love going to a book to art club at the library. It is fun to see what people create.