I was a loud budgeter before TikTok existed
This past weekend, WilliamB sent me a Washington Post article about a TikTok trend called "loud budgeting".
(Here's another article about loud budgeting, not behind a paywall.)
Basically, people are doing away with any shame related to their penny-pinching, and they're talking publicly about their money-saving efforts.
So basically they're doing what I have been doing here since 2008. 😉
And what Amy Dacyzyn did in her Tightwad Gazette days.
(though I must say, Amy's openness is more impressive than mine because frugality was decidedly uncool back then!)
I have rarely felt ashamed of my frugality
I don't know exactly why this is, but I have never understood people's hesitance to discuss money and frugality.
I mean, I do understand that people have their reasons, but to me, the topic of frugality doesn't feel even faintly embarrassing. It's not like I've had to overcome any level of reticence; discussing it seems nearly as unbothersome as discussing the weather.
In years past, I have occasionally felt embarrassed or frustrated about a lack of income, but those feelings never extended to my frugal practices themselves.
Being resourceful is not embarrassing
When I think of frugality, what comes to mind is this: making a beautiful life on less.
As I wrote when I interviewed myself, I am not here for a life of deprivation in the name of frugality. My goal is always, always, to simply find less expensive ways to live a lovely life.
So, when I redo a piece of worn-out furniture I don't feel embarrassed. I feel tickled with myself, and I want to show everyone who will look at it.
(This tendency does explain why I ended up as a frugality blogger. Haha.)
If someone visits my house and compliments a lamp, I will 100% say, "Oooh, thank you! I got it for free on my Buy Nothing group."
When someone says, "That dress looks lovely on you!", I will always express my gratitude for the compliment and also slip in something like, "I got it on clearance."
I tell people all the time that I got my last two semesters of college paid for with scholarships.
And I'm not embarrassed to:
- mend things
- cook at home
- buy stuff on eBay
- purchase refurbished items
- tackle DIY things instead of hiring someone
- eat packed lunches
- drink from my free conference water bottle*
*I understand this may mean that in the future, I will be the only nurse on my floor who is not drinking from a Stanley cup.
I just think all these things are awesome ways that I manage to stretch my dollars and live the good life for less. And that's not embarrassing!
I've often said that if someone was on the outside looking in at my life, they probably would not be able to tell that I'm pinching pennies.
But since I never keep my mouth shut about it, everyone around me has always known that I'm pinching pennies. 😉
What about when frugality isn't a choice?
I think maybe this is a circumstance when people start to feel more ashamed.
If you could buy new clothes, but you choose to shop on eBay, that's one thing.
If you can't afford new clothes at all, that feels way worse.
And maybe this is where the loud budgeting movement is going to be particularly helpful; perhaps it will normalize those hard circumstances where frugality isn't a choice.
When people share the reality of their lives, it helps others feel less alone.
More realness on social media? I support!
One of the much-talked-of downsides of social media is the faux "reality" it feeds us.
People tend to post the highlights of their lives, so as you scroll through your feed, you can easily get the impression that everyone else is traveling constantly, eating out all the time, and buying new clothes weekly.
And if you mistake this for normalcy, you might be tempted to overspend to try to match what you see online.
So, some loud budgeting on social media seems like a welcome change; lots of us stay in at night, cook our food at home, and wear the same clothes over and over.
It's more normal than people imagine.
This reminds me of a post format I saw on Instagram recently...people were sharing their normal houses, and it was refreshing.
We get so accustomed to seeing beautiful, airy, aesthetically-pleasing spaces, that we forget that it is quite common to have formica countertops, old tiles, and unfinished laundry rooms.
Seeing a more realistic representation of life helps to recenter our perception of what normal really is.
In short...
I'm super happy to hear that loud budgeting is a thing. I hope that, unlike most trends, it will stay.
(if, on the other hand, the ASMR restocking videos go away, I won't mind at all. 😉 )
Kristen, you mentioned sharing the reality of our life. I believe it's especially important to share that with your kids - age appropriately, of course. They might see us buy generic store brands or borrow books from the library, but when we let them know why we live the way we do, it gives them a better understanding of our family's values and provides food for thought as their understanding of finances matures. Certainly, if you're frugal because it's a necessity, you'd want to be cautious about sharing too many details to prevent your kids from feeling scared or insecure. But if you save on some things in order to have money for others, understanding your motives and priorities would go a long way toward understanding the real life choices they'll face in the future. Just my two cents on your thought-provoking post.
@Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire, this is such a good point! I try to talk to my kids about this when we are buying stuff and when we are taking care of the stuff we have. We talk about the price between buying something new and repairing what we have. And we celebrate clearance finds together. My oldest just turned 11 and I’m using clothes shopping as a learning experience on how to find good sales and clearance items at the end of the season for next year.
@Mary ~ Reflections Around the Campfire, this is wonderful advice for parents. My children have frugal skills as adults. They cook. They garden. They DIY. Sometimes they would get frustrated with me as teenagers. They thought that frugality equaled poverty especially since we lived in a affluent little beach community. I think that they understand as they have gotten older that frugality is often about priorities. For example, my husband and I took care of the first 4 years of college for our children, but they didn’t receive a new car at 16. Some of their friends were given cars, but not a future.
@Faith, my mother gave me a clothing budget when I turned 12. I made some mistakes along the way, but I learned to shop well.
IDK. I've got one kid (boy) who's always been a clotheshorse and right now is saving up for a signet ring at the same place King Charles got his. Whose favorite foods are jambon and lobster and drives a classic sports car. Then my other kid likes thrift shopping and unravels old sweaters to knit new ones and insists on store brands when she shops, and she takes public transport.
@Faith,
Tightwad Gazette (not sure which edition but it'd be in the Complete TG book) had a write-up about how Amy D. took her preteen daughter shopping for new items one year...and how the daughter finally settled on items they'd bought secondhand and stored in the attic for her, IIRC. It was a learning experience for this girl, as well. You might enjoy reading it. I believe TG is online in PDF form now.
@Fru-gal Lisa, what is IIRC?
And can you provide a link to TG in PDF form for us frugalistas who don't want to own more books (or pay for them!)?
IIRC = If I Recall Correctly 🙂
If the PDF doesn't hit the spot for you (I don't do well with ebooks) there are always super cheap copies of the Tightwad Gazette on eBay.
@Rose, I'm with you Rose. You can teach and teach and teach, but we're all born with a basic personality.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
If I Remember Correctly. (It's been oodles of years since I read the article.)
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Apologies from an old Luddite: I'm not real sure I found TG's pdf on my search engines this time; they seem to have changed. This is what I found this time around:
This was on X (formerly Twitter):
PDF Download >> https://timelessreliclibrary.blogspot.com/book56.php?asin=0375752250
The Complete Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle
Link download this book at:
http://happyreadingebook.club/?book=0375752250
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The Complete Tightwad Gazette
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https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/view/63691017/pdf-the-complete-tightwad-gazette-promoting-thrift-as-a-viable-alternative-lifestyle-android
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I think this is an audio version of it:
READ [PDF] The Complete Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle
5 minutes ago -
COPY LINK TO DOWNLOAD : nonareva.blogspot.com/?soundclod=0375752250
| Read ebook [PDF] The Complete Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle | At last—the long-awaited complete compendium of tightwad tips for fabulous frugal living! In a newsletter published from May 1990 to December 1996 as well as in three enormously successful books, Amy Dacyczyn established herself as the expert of economy. Now The Complete Tightwad Gazettebrings tog
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I downloaded some links when I googled TG but I'm not sure those are going to work, but here goes:
internet archives has TG available for 'patrons with print disabilities', whatever that is.
[archiveorg completetightwad00amyd width=560 height=384 frameborder=0 webkitallowfullscreen=true mozallowfullscreen=true]
ssuu.com/willieshermandty/docs/the-complete-tightwad-gazette-promoting-thrift-as-
https://app.shift.com/manuals/1?utm_source=oh-gdn&utm_medium=159181133197&utm_campaign=21025329301&utm_term=issuu.com&utm_content=698902043
This one looks like it's from overseas:
https://segosaos.pixnet.net/blog/post/68507008
Sorry I couldn't find it again. Meanwhile, keep searching garage sales, libraries and secondhand book places and maybe you'll get an old print version at a very low price....
@Faith,
It is so great when parents take the time to educate their children about the value of what they wish to buy. I wish more parents did this. Too many families today simply indulge their children thinking, Well, we've got it so why not spend it. The kids often grow up into young men and women who think that a job under $100,000 or more a year is beneath them--or frustrated when there no longer is someone paying for their clothing, cars, etc. Many never work as teenagers or in college and have no sense of what it costs to live in the real world or any inclination to earn their own money. That is not a gift.
Again, the wealthy families I know were not gifting kids with cars. An education, yes. And afterwards maybe help with a downpayment on a house, but no, the kids were told, you are not in our wills and you will not inherit anything. Those kids hustled and did well on their own. Those who did not seemed to spend their lives looking for people to literally keep them in the style they felt they deserved but would not work for.
I learned the value of money at a young age. We could not afford allowances. But I started babysitting at age 12. I sold candy and cards for a commission. I worked as a waitress when I turned 16. I had three jobs (all part time) during college. I considered myself lucky as this supplemented my grant, a loan and my scholarship. (If you want to go to college, my parents basically said, it's all on you. ) I felt lucky to have the jobs. I remember saving my money as a 12-year-old to buy a piece of clothing I wanted. We value what we work for, not what is handed to us.
There's a lesson to be learned in life when you have to face the reality that you may not be able to afford everything you like. It's a tough one but it's then that you realize, we are not what we earn or buy. That life is much bigger than stuff. The happiest people I know have jobs they love even if not paying great. Some of the most unhappy people I ever met? Millionaires I worked with and for. I felt sorry for them in some ways because geez, if you owned a company and had a great compensation package and could buy whatever you wanted whenever and really no worries about bills, why so miserably unhappy?
To me it's a badge of honor of sorts, to be thrifty (I like that better than frugal) and careful with one's resources of all kinds. I wish I could be a lot more minimal in some ways but I'm not there yet.
When it comes to what we spend/save, sometimes it's best only to share a bargain, lest people misunderstand what we're celebrating. And let's be honest, a lot of thrifty folks really do judge spenders negatively. Forced minimalism is just not the way to go.
@Anne,
Yes, and if we pay attention to our lives, we grow and mature and we do change if we're lucky because life is about growth. Not stagnation.
Change, to a greater or lesser degree, whether self imposed or imposed on us, is a part of life. How we adapt is the key to whether we choose to be joyful and peaceful regardless of our circumstances.
Many people have little materially but are joyful and peaceful and grateful and gracious. Many with many are anything but that . Need help? Ask a working person not the rich friend.
Loud! (Except we don't operate from a budget. We just know what level of spending is within our means, and we know what things for which we are willing to pay more money.) Then again, is it loud if everybody around you is also loud? I don't think we have any (close) friends who aren't frugal.
@Jody S., same here! Loud, proud (non) budgeter who spends way below my means and mostly have friends who do the same. Work is a different story though and I do struggle with that, wondering if it affects how I'm perceived by my colleagues for driving a 16 year old car and packing my lunch in a lunch box I got for free at a blood drive. Most of the time I tell myself since I'm polite and a good worker it's fine but then I wonder.
@Linda Loves Tea, You're only human to wonder because we do live in a world filled with harsh and judgmental types. And work is a particularly challenging environment because how we are perceived can have a great deal to do with how well we will succeed, regardless of our actual work ethic and contribution.
Remind yourself of what you are getting from your choices: Saving money for what really matters and/or keeping yourself out of debt. Anybody who cares about what you put your lunch in, or the fact that you bring it with you...who cares what they think? Do not give them that power.
The more you own what you choose to do, the better others respond. People sense when you deem yourself "less than" and pick up on that.
I know millionaires who pack their lunch and who are so bargain hungry that it can be embarasing at times!
You're in good company. Your own, and that is the best.
It's not what you eat or where it comes from, it's how well you get along with folks and actually perform. Trust me, if you're an excellent employee, no one will give a hoot that you bring your lunch!
If you want to read an article behind a paywall, search its title and “msn”. Usually you can read them for free at their site. I found the one you mentioned for free. 🙂
@Faith, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! I'm saying this loud!
@Faith, I did not know this trick. Thanks!!!
I have always been loud with no apologies. Pregnancy #2 we were surprised with twins when we were planning to be a 2 kids and done plan! Our narrative flipped and we had 3 kids under the age of 3- All in diapers. When they were all young it was much easier to just say "We don't have the money for that- (desired item or not)" Once they were in school and exposed to others and their lifestyles I specifically changed the narrative to "We do not have that in the budget right now or That is not something we choose to spend our monies on"
They are all wiser and more careful of their own personal finances because of it. If I have a down night and do not cook they will 75% of the time eat leftovers or scrounge for something in the house.. but if I saw we are thinking of going out to eat they will 100% be in the care. lolol
In the end they are 1000% more money aware than I was at their age and that was my whole hope!
Kristen writes: " And maybe this is where the loud budgeting movement is going to be particularly helpful; perhaps it will normalize those hard circumstances where frugality isn’t a choice."
Would that this were the case. Alas, there are still too many individuals of all socioeconomic, ethnic, etc backgrounds for whom not having enough money for the basics of life make discussing "savings" uncomfortable because in fact, frugality is imposed upon them. They often have few to no choices.
How one feels and the comfort level one has with frugality (or careful spending as I like to think of it; when I spend, I'm basically "investing" my available cash and I want a real return. To that end, the less I can spend or even free, is a constant goal. (Sales, promotions, giveaways, freebies, yes, yes, yes) is all about how you were raised and in what circumstances.
Frugality by other names was how our ancestors lived. They never thought of it that way it was simply making the best of what they had ( Use it up, make do, recycle, etc. were the mottoes through much of the 20th century until conspicuous consumption and keeping up with the Joneses reared it's ugly head and advertising drove people to want things, badly, even without keeping up with anyone else. But ask the parent with a limited to nothing budget for kids clothes how frugality doesn't always work when multiple kids attend the same school and hand-me-downs are evident; kids only have a few outfits and their peers are harsh in judgment.
Today, no matter how hard people work, in many circumstances, frugality (whether chosen or enforced) is still something that evokes judgment and shame.
I believe in being real about the circumstances of life, but I have learned that many people simply want or need to pretend that things are otherwise in their own lives. And boy do they not want to face anyone else's reality. Sometimes this causes major and very hurtful and painful situations. (I've heard of children taunting other kids who they know are on food stamps or who use a food pantry. It is appalling and they get that from their parents. And seriously, have you NOT seen people who are judging those who use food stamps and watching what they buy in stores? Then they make comments, negative, out loud while that person/family is shopping.
It's truly interesting how "frugality" is viewed by different socio-economic classes. And of course, there is relative frugality where someone gets a very expensive item for less, but it's still a lot more than you or I might pay regardless of whether we had the cash.
Some of the richest people (financially speaking) I have known were incredibly frugal. Some were downright cheap (and that is different than being frugal).
We are the guardians of our funds and perhaps if we were taught that and received relevant financial educations starting early in school, more people would have more funds for their disposal. I have never understood excess, even when I had the funds to indulge and I think that is the heart of positive frugality. Why spend at all, or why spend more, if you can not spend or spend less? I hate that our culture of products today is: Don't fix it (or you can't find anyone to fix it). Toss it. Get new.
I am known for the old age of some of my kitchen small appliances (Toaster: 20+ years; other items I wont mention, some over 30 years, not to jinx them. (Looking at you Le Crueset pot set purchased for $100 back in 1985!) I always opted for the best quality I could afford (including classic clothing pieces) that would last because it isn't even about the cost of replacement. I just don't want the things I love and work to keep on working.
Some people still fail to try to get the lowest price (Too much work) for things like cell phone service. Given how many promos are out there...you'd think people would continue to evaluate and change as needed (OK. changing SIM cards and stuff can be a pain)
For some people, it's a time issue. Tracking promos in streaming, cell phone, etc can be time-consuming and some people actually "lose" money when they spend a lot of time on such items. (An article that stuck with me years ago said that we should place a $ hourly rate on our time based on our income. Then, when purchasing, we evaluate how much time we use and how much we save in that time. I learned that there were some things where it made sense to not spend too much time because the lowest price is not always that if you waste a lot of time to find it, get it and use it. And sometimes we end up spending just because it's THERE. (Oh, Penzey's how you tempt me each week with your wonderful newsletters and offers!)
Funny how a social media "spin" like loud buying can change perspectives.
@Irena, I wonder if maybe the increased focus on the environment might help de-stigmatize some aspects of frugal living (secondhand shopping, fixing, etc.).
@Irena,
Food insecurity has definitely grown as food prices have soared. A recent article in the Washington Posts estimated that families earning $60K a year or less were spending 30% of their income on food.
When I volunteered at the food pantry, I realized that some of the things that I did as voluntarily frugal did not necessarily work for our clients. For example, a single mother working two jobs did not have the time to soak dried beans, season them, and cook them on the stove top. She didn’t own an IP or a crock pot to make it easier. Ditto Oatmeal. Fresh veggies were also a lot of work. We could have fresh potatoes but these were passed over for instant nearly every time not only for ease, but some didn’t own a potato peeler and of course, butter is a luxury.
I have nothing but compassion for those who do not have a choice.
@Bee, similarly, some cannot cook if they are living in a shelter and don't have access to a kitchen.
@Irena, Two things: not all negative, mean behavior like taunting other people for using a food pantry comes from parents. Many kids are quite good at coming up with their own nasty behavior or getting it from other kids.
Oh, the other thing about hand me down clothes: unless it's a very small school, I doubt anyone noticed. My sister and I were two grades apart and often wore each other's clothes starting from junior high. No one ever noticed.
@Rose, I want to show @Irena my toaster but I can't remember how you explained to put photos in a link for others to see.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
https://imgbb.com/
then past the URL of the pic in the comments box.
I've always wanted the kind of toaster I often used, with the doors on either side you flip.
@Irena, have a look at my toaster! https://ibb.co/MVj6pYT
Oh, what a cute toaster!
@Rose, like this? (THANK YOU for the instructions. I bookmarked the link.)
https://ibb.co/MVj6pYT
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, that's exactly the kind of toaster I grew up with! Makes good toast, too.
@Bee, I volunteer for our food bank and we are always thankful when people donate mac and cheese with the packets of cheese that don't need butter or milk to use. And also thankful for toilet paper and menstrual supplies.
@Rose, I had a wonderful, gentle friend who walked in on her son being an absolute mean beast to another child. She could not believe that a home that stressed and practiced kindness produced such ugly behavior. I think she underestimated how early peers influence behavior and how these days the ugliness online also impacts behavior. And that there are peers who shame kinder peers into being ugly. I cannot get out of my head a recent article about violence in teen sex, and the prevalence of choking behaviors, where a kid was quoted as saying that he has choked his dates during sex because he knows how popular it is now and is afraid if he does not do it, he will be considered a wimp.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Do you have any idea how old that toaster is? Have you ever replaced the cord? My great grandmother had one of those back in the '70s and I always thought it was maybe 30 years old then. It had one of those cloth covered cords. Very impressive you still have one in use. Thanks for sharing!
@Jody S., it absolutely does! Tell folks you buy secondhand because it is 'more sustainable' and you'll be in with the in crowd!
@Bobi, I replaced the cloth cord with a modern one. It stopped working within a year, so I replaced it again. The cloth definitely went the distance.
Frugality is definitely more fun when it is a choice vs. a necessity, but the skill-set thankfully remains the same. We have had a comically expensive start to 2024, to where I've ended up stress-crying a few times at just how much of our savings we've gone through. When I calm down, I'm able to rationalize that yes, it sucks that we've had so many financial punches to roll with, but we HAVE been able to roll with them because we've always been so careful, and thus had savings to fall back on vs. being completely #(#@ out of luck. We've built our nest egg before, and we can do it again.
As someone else said already, it's also a question of one's peer group. My Swiss Army Knife of People (TM) are LOUDLY frugal. They're more than happy to trade tips, thrifting hot spots, and skill sets--I've traded my own skills for everything from HVAC services to a month of homemade sourdough bread. One friend summarized it as "A rising tide lifts all ships," which I love.
@N, love that quote!
How about: fairly loud? In my office job there are some people I happily discuss frugal choices with, and some people that I would happily leave in their new iphone every year, three vacations abroad each year, plus fast cars and eating out bubble. I listen in on them, but do not participate in their discussions. It is quite possible though that we could have other and more meaningful discussions in a 1-1 setting, a bit further away from the water cooler.
I discovered frugality back in the days of Amy D’s Tightwad Gazette and have been perfecting it every since. Most people that I know well are aware of my thriftiness. We talk about budgeting. They join me on my thrifting expeditions and have helped me load my treasures. They know that I don’t eat fast food and that I drink primarily water. They know that I use the library, travel with points, and propagate plants. However, I don’t believe that a stranger who was looking at my life from the outside would necessarily recognize that I am extremely frugal in some ways. However, my 14-year old car may be a give-away.
I try to encourage others to make the most of their resources, and I try to do the same. I find nothing more troubling than someone complaining about money when they’re carrying a Louis Vuitton.
I am finding that frugality and budgeting is once again becoming a necessity. Our costs have increased by 25%-30% since 2020. Unfortunately, our income and most of our investments have not enjoyed that kind of growth. This is a bit disconcerting as we approach retirement and realize that all we have worked for may not be enough in this new normal. I am so happy I have a penny pinching skills.
@Bee, The Louis Vuitton could be a fake or a present or something. You never know.
@Rose,
Perhaps I sound a bit judgmental. In the case that I am referring, I know. This is not a random stranger. Of course, there is also the woman I know that spent her covid stimulus money on a Louis V. How do I know? She told me. Every time I run into her I think that my tax dollars bought her that handbag.
I don’t care if someone wants to buy a Louis or Chanel. I know many people who have them. I don’t care if someone wants to drive a Bentley convertible. I don’t care if some wants to wear an 18k gold Rolex Daytona. But it angers me when they poor mouth. There are people in this world who are struggling to feed their families. It’s even worse when they are unkind to those who have little.
@Bee, I didn't carry a Louis Vuitton bag but a friend gave me a Michael Korda purse her purse-collecting relative gave HER. So I carried it for awhile just to show my appreciation. Then, when I told a student "no" when he was selling candy bars, he told a friend how much he hated people who buy designer purses and then won't support the school band members selling candy. Was my face red!
@Bee, The absolute worse is when they judge and label the poor as being lazy and blaming them for not having what they need as if everyone came from the same available resources and opportunities.
When the rich berate the poor as living off the rich...I just want to shake people it makes me so angry.
We all do not come into the world with the same abilities and health and opportunities. Many people do their best, work the hardest and it just isn't enough.
When the rich, who are often the beneficiaries of money that comes off the back of others (Looking at you WASP men heading up companies who steal from their workers via low wages, no benefits and pay executives golden parachutes and bankrupt companies where people who worked hard for years lose pensions, retirement benefits and health care while, somehow, the company that has no money finds a way to pay the executives who actually bankrupted a company!) carry on about social programs that fund helping the poor, disabled and disenfranchised, I just want to scream: Stop, you greedy bastards. STOP. NOBODY alone generates income. It comes from somebody working for you so your business grows. You may have ideas, but it's usually tons of other people who execute and make your idea real.
And when some of the laziest execs anywhere carry on about the lazy poor? OMG
Tons of ways people who are unskilled make money off others. (look around at our government for recent examples) and celebrate themselves. They are the first to cut social programs with no care for the well-being of others (Looking at you Elon Musk and DOGE)
Disgusting.
We have never moved in circles of big spenders, so I feel comfortable discussing frugal tactics with most of my friends. If I ever find myself envying someone bc of their big house, vacations, etc. I remind myself that they are probably in debt up to their eyeballs and that helps reset my thinking process pretty quick. The trade-off just isn’t worth it to me.
Btw, Kristen, if you’re the only nurse without a Stanley water bottle, you’ll never get yours mixed up with someone else’s! LOL!
There's only one Stanley Cup. If you ever get the chance to drink out of it, do it!
LGR!
@Kristin, I'll pretend I never heard that.
Ok, you guys have to clue me in: what does LGR stand for??
Edit: Oh wait! Like the hockey trophy?
Let's Go ISLANDERS is what she meant.
Also you should call it Lord Stanley's Cup to be annoying.
Yes, like the hockey trophy.
LGR = Let's Go Rangers.
I guess Rose is not a fan.
@Kristin, @Rose, as a proud Canadian (who doesn't follow hockey, and is old enough to remember when Wayne Gretzky and the Edmonton Oilers were top of the Hockey heap). GO OILERS!
I will find out about the games days later, but still...
There is only one Stanley Cup (and we don't call it Lord Stanley's Cup, Rose, because - as you say - it would be annoying)
Oh, I am really LOUD about frugality! I feel like I'm beating the system....you know, the system that wants to keep us poor as we make "them" rich by spending our money on their overpriced goods. My only rule is that whatever I do has to be legal and moral, and if both conditions are met, then I go for it! ("Moral" also includes not ripping someone off, like not leaving the waitress a tip. Even if I had a coupon for a free meal.) If someone compliments me on my attire, as long as they're not a snob, I will tell them I got it at the thrift store or on clearance at Wal-mart or whatever. If I sign up for a book club or Bible study, I will get the book from the library or a secondhand source (Little Free Library, thrift store or used bookstore....and I will use my store credits for the latter, so that I only have to pay sales tax.) I loudly and proudly share my frugal info, such as where to buy brand new shoes for 10 dollars or where to get a case of bottled water for $2.89, with others so they can also benefit. Some of my church buddies laugh and say "I knew it!" when I tell them my outfit was from the GW Boutique (Goodwill) or Salvation Armani, but they are enjoying my frugality, too.
Oh, and at Christmas, I gave a little blonde girl, age 2 1/2, at church a loud regifted gift: some dolls that I (formerly a little blonde girl myself) was given at my 3rd Christmas. The parents came up yesterday and told me that their little one loves playing with my old dolls. I actually gave her the dolls for reasons of sentimentality, not frugality, but since I don't have any children or grandchildren to pass them onto, that makes me very, very happy to hear.
@Fru-gal Lisa, "Salvation Armani” - I love it!
@WilliamB, I must immodestly claim credit for the original "Salvation Armani." See my comment of a week or so back on the Met Gala.
@WilliamB and Fru-gal Lisa, Yes, love it! I repeated it to my DH to plant it in my head for spreading it around here.
@Fru-gal Lisa, 'Beating the system' defines my attitude and approach about supermarkets, which I avoid at all costs (I frequent Aldi and Trader Joes) other than to leverage their weekly loss leaders. As I leave with my bag of discounted or on sale items, I think, "Well it's a good thing most people don't mind paying full price, so this supermarket can continue to stay in business!'
@A. Marie,
I'm friends with the lady major at our local Salvation Army. I told her about your calling it the Salvation Armani and she just absolutely loved it!
@Tamara R, I love Aldi loss leaders, too.
And as to paying full price, that echoes my ideas about buying good brands secondhand: If someone is crazy enough to get rid of /donate a perfectly good _______, I'm just crazy enough to get it secondhand.
@Tamara R, they've been trying to eliminate the middle class since 1980 (start of my working life). I refuse to let them get me and made sure my kids got what they needed to be middle class also (as aforementioned - no new car at 16, NO trips to Disneyworld - I'd rather burn my money). No college debt for them, us, and always funded our retirement plans.
Loud. I'm loud about everything! Actually, that's not true. I brag about bargains or smart shopping but I don't mention how much the valuable stuff is. And I rarely pay full price for anything. And I much prefer old things to new things and I love buying at auction.
Besides--some of the richest people I know are cheap, cheap, cheap. So it's not like blowing money makes you look rich to those in the know.
Also it helps that my parents were very honest about not having much money and a dinky little house, etc. That was what we could afford--deal with it. I didn't realize just how much "middle class" varied until I got to college and one of my middle class friend's father had his own plane. Ermkay. I said, "Uh, I don't call that middle class," and she said, "Lots of people fly their own planes!" "Not where I come from."
@Rose, my dad had a partnership in a plane, and we had no living room furniture because there was no money to buy any.
Like you, I prefer old things. It is a thrill to find an old treasure, something with character, class, and quality.
In The Millionaire Next Door, you learn that many really rich people are super frugal, possibly even cheap.
@Rose, My father saw his poverty when he came to this country as shameful, which I did not realize until he heard me telling someone about it and asked me not to talk about how he started life. He invented something and made a lot of money and in his 50s was able to surround himself with expensive (as in spent close to $100,000 on a kitchen---just a kitchen--remodel) things he had read about. He was mixing with wealthier people by then, mostly because of where he lived, and didn't want them to know he did not come from money. It made me sad because I was proud that he had come here with his life shredded by war and managed to make his fortune by his brain. It was painful for me to think that this generous man felt "less than" because of the snobbery of others. But not as pained as the time I overheard one of these rich neighbors make fun of my father's accent. My father spoke 8 languages and this oaf could barely speak English grammatically and had inherited his fortune, but he felt superior to this immigrant. Geeze, even writing this makes me mad/sad all over again.
@Lindsey, I'm sorry for that neighbor who didn't know what an amazing person he had for a neighbor. You should be very proud of your father. He overcame incredible obstacles!!
@Lindsey, the more stories you share (here and at the NCA) the more I yearn to read your book(s). Please start writing, I am first in line to buy!
We are busy planning for a little Air b n b beach break we are taking next week with our kids and our plan with those types of things is to bring as much of our own food as possible, because it is much less expensive and often nicer than anything you'd get out. We are open about this and let our kids know that while we most definitely will have a meal out, or maybe 2, depending, it will be special and an occasion, that constantly eating takeaways, convenience food etc is not great for either health or wallet.
As Kristen says, the aim here is to have a wonderful relaxing time at the beach and to do it as cost-effectively as possible, and be grateful for the privilege of being able to get away and have adventures.
@Caro, Not having to worry about vacation finances is very relaxing.
I'm a college professor and I try to be a loud budgeter with my students (within reasonable boundaries). When I get a compliment on a dress or sweater I'm wearing, I love to tell them it came from Goodwill or Poshmark. When I'm heading off to eat between classes, I talk about my healthy packed lunch in my little bento box. When they ask what I did over break, I talk about DIY projects and "staycationing" and so on. I want them to see that frugal and happy habits are part of my everyday life. It's one of the little ways I try to be a life role model as well as teaching them academic and professional skills. 😉
@Heather, your students are lucky to have a professor like you, teaching and modeling a good way to live.
@Heather, thank you for being such a positive role model for the students in your class. You will probably never get to know just how many people's lives you will touch by normalizing frugality!
@Cheryl 90, Agree 100% with what you said!
@Heather, Thank you for modeling frugality to your students.
I have been out of college for decades and have long forgotten the name of the Psychology Professor who advised his students to buy used furniture and rent an apartment that gives you a view of people's feet. He gave this advice because " money is one of the main things that couple's fight about".
I have also always been loud about frugality! My parents raised me in a frugal household and I learnt a lot of tips. I do think there is a difference between being frugal and being cheap though - I don't like saving some tiny amount of money for the sake of it if there's something I really want but don't 'need'. I just buy it. I also like spending money on travel and would rather go away than stay home and save money every time.
As a side note, to add to what others said, I get annoyed when people assume frugality is easy and automatic for everyone, ie, clickbait articles or influencers telling you 'ten top tips' everyone can do, and should supposedly feel ashamed if they can't. Some people are disabled. Some people don't live in safe areas and/or have no access to nature for a 'free walk'. Some people are single parents and don't have time to plan meals, or even cook, and some live in shelters and don't have access to a kitchen in the first place. And some live in food deserts and/or have had little education on how to cook at all.
I enjoy reading general advice for frugality (and Kristen, I love your blog!), but I dislike it when these elements aren't considered. Structural change is the biggest thing that can be done for 'every day frugality'.
Agreed. Some of the tools and resources that we take for granted are not available to everyone, and it is not fair to assume that they are.
I'm pondering this as I consider my blogging role: I obviously am not equipped to offer any advice to people who live in shelters or are disabled (in fact, me writing about that would probably be disrespectful!). I can only share what I know and have experience with.
So maybe what's important is just to avoid a know-it-all, "everyone should be able to do this" attitude.
@Kristen, I always think of a line from the show This Is Us. One of the characters visits someone in jail and is berating her for ending up there, and she replies 'you didn't make better choices. You HAD better choices.'
I watched The Wire last year and it was so good but so depressing. Some of those characters were just totally doomed. Of course it's fictional, but was based on journalism done around the area and it seemed very realistic.
I thought Maid by Stephanie Land was an incredible depiction of being in poverty but I have never (thankfully) lived under those conditions so can't speak for it.
@Sophie in Denmark, A number of the characters on The Wire, like Omar Little, Avon Barksdale, and Marlo Stanfield, were based on real people.
@Sophie in Denmark, Such a good show, The Wire, and based on solid journalism. Watching it lets you see how some people have to live, especially the young who are born into the life. Not many options available to them.
@Kristen, If anyone needs help beyond what a normal frugal person could give them, there is a book called "Frugality for Depressives," written by a handicapped lady. It's main message is to do what you can, here are some tips you might could use, but don't beat yourself up if you can't do it. I believe the author's name is Abigail Perry and she has a blog called "I Pick Up Pennies." Her book is sold online and might help someone who suffers from depression or a disability.
@Kristen, So true. As a disabled person my frugal options are so different. Keeping perspective is a great approach.
What a great article! It is sure to generate a lot of feedback. I grew up in a home where my parents practiced a lot of what you preach and it seemed natural to me. Like another commenter we lived many years in an affluent coastal community and my children were very aware of the name brand clothes, shoes, and backpacks of their peers......not to mention the country club, ski trips, etc. We held to our budget and our values while still providing opportunities for activities for education, sports, and social/cultural expression. I don't regret my frugal nature and I can see it reflected in my children's attitudes in their choices and their lifestyle and yes, we all like to pat ourselves on the back over our good stewardship of our financial resources - big or small.
Good content. I NEVER have the amount of items to restock like the ASMR videos. They can go away in my book also but to each their own!
I have had to be frugal and now I choose to be frugal. In a few short weeks I will be retiring and will HAVE to be frugal again. Good thing I have many skills in this area built up over time.
I tend to not care what anyone but myself thinks about my spending habits. But if someone asks, I do have some frugal tips. Since I work full-time and have no little kids to raise, I don't worry about buying myself something I really need and want. I put a lot of thought into most purchases and live well within my means.
I am, and have always been, a loud budgeter. I'm so genuinely excited about my saving skills that I can't contain myself from sharing. My frugal journey is rooted in a desire to consume less, not really to save money, but it has the same effect. My husband and I try to consume less and save more so we can give more to others.
https://wapo.st/3WTEzF7
That hopefully is an unlocked link to the WaPo story (free to me courtesy of the public library in my county).
I think that getting value for the money makes me happy. I also think that the way Kristen, and many of your readers and I, live are environmentally friendly, for the most part. That makes me happy too.
I think sometimes people confuse frugality with cheapness. To me being frugal is saving money without harming others while cheapness often involves having someone else pay for what you want (like those that take office supplies or toilet paper from work for use at home).
@K D, I know some folks who brag about not owning, needing, or wanting a car. Since we live in a rural foothill community 25 miles from any town of more than 2500 people, this is a time-consuming way to live. (They are young but don't work anymore because they worked overseas for 10 years and made oodles of money.) I asked what they do if they need to buy groceries when it is raining, and the answer floored me: "We borrow a car from someone!" They are just cheap. CHEAP.
The Tightwad Gazette was a life-saver that came along when we were struggling under heavy medical debt after our son was born prematurely in 1990. It made me loud about budgeting in the right circles, as some wealthy people we know look down their noses at people who live frugally. Other people, though, celebrate it and also recognize that most frugal activities are also easy on the earth.
Canned beans and other healthy, easy to prepare foods are what I donate to food drives because time and the money to pay for utilities are usually in short supply with the working poor. If someone cannot afford enough food, they also probably cannot afford to run a stove for a couple of hours every day.
@Ruby, what always made me gnash my teeth was "they should use cloth diapers". Uh yeah, buy them (expense) washing and drying (expense and most have to go to the laundry mat - expense, time, and transportation). I so tired of the 90% of folks who need some help being lumped in with the 10% (my percentages, YMMV) looking for a handout.
I consider myself of the loud variety. I grew up with 5 sibs and mom worked part time. We had a very large garden and mom canned. We also got government cheese, egg powder and the such.
I was always frugal because of necessity but I would have been a frugal person regardless. Both mom and MIL hit garage sales for household items. My MIL was a super bargainer.
For some items I do pay more for quality products. I budgeted most of my life as I work in accounting so it comes natural. I don't budget for food much because going out to eat will trump I am to tried to cook tonight.
Kristen, I'm always amused when young folks pick up on something and spread it all over social media as if they'd discovered it themselves. If they decide to get *really* serious about frugality and budgeting, they can come on over to this blog and the NCA and pick up a few tips from their elders. (Or, heaven forbid, read a book--Amy D's, in this case.) 😀
Count me in among the loud and proud. I've not only never been shy about my frugal habits, but (by example rather than preaching) try to bring others into the light. The Bestest Neighbors, for example, are considerably more affluent than I am, but proudly tell others about the origins of the nifty thrifted clothes I find for them and carry on an active sharing-and-borrowing trade with me (food, tools, etc.). And my Sunday morning walking buddies are also coming around: One of them (the assistant director of mental health services at DH's former care complex) now often goes thrifting for clients and herself, and I just found her an LL Bean raincoat for $3 at one of my regular stops.
Finally, I agree with all above who (a) point out the various reasons why it's often hard for those who are truly poor to practice frugality, and (b) note that a good set of frugality chops is a highly useful tool for those of us who are already retired or getting there. (I sometimes read the various frugal tips AARP offers and think, "Hey, wanna come interview me? I'll show you a thing or three.")
One advantage of talking about my own frugality is that is has helped me connect with other frugal people. It's more fun to be frugal when your friends are on the same wavelength. We share information about bargains and sales, swap items we no longer need, and are open to frugal activities like going for a hike, or eating dinner at each others' houses.
@Cindi, A hedge funder neighbor of mine was going on and on about how proud he was of his two daughters, because they were going into social work to help people even though it's badly paid, and I chirped up, "It sure must help to have rich parents" and he gave me a wry smile.
An actual friend of mine is always going on vacations or two weeks at a wellness spa and has the cutest cars and nicest house etc*, but explained that he copied the painting in the foyer because the original was $10,000 and he didn't want to pay it. People are weird.
*I tease him about being loaded too and he shrugs and says he married well. He also calls his spouse "the old ball and chain" which i find hilarious.
@Cindi, while in Texas a couple of weeks ago, my long-time friend and I went thrift shopping together because it is so doggone fun!
@Rose, Some guy made a joke to my husband about me being the old ball and chain. He came home and said, "So I told him you were not odd." Husband thought the saying was the odd ball and chain!
Re poor people and food/frugality: one thing that no one mentioned is that, say, when you're an exhausted, broke single mom who just got home from work, the last thing you feel like doing is making a nice big green salad for dinner (which the kids won't eat anyway) or something else cheap and homemade and nutritious. So you pick up some things from the McD's dollar menu on the way home.
Or as my dear friend George Orwell wrote in 1936,
And the peculiar evil is this, that the less money you have, the less inclined you feel to spend it on wholesome food. A millionaire may enjoy breakfasting off orange juice and Ryvita biscuits; an unemployed man doesn’t. Here the tendency of which I spoke at the end of the last chapter comes into play. When you are unemployed, which is to say when you are underfed, harassed, bored, and miserable, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little bit ‘tasty’. There is always some cheaply pleasant thing to tempt you. Let’s have three pennorth of chips! Run out and buy us a twopenny ice-cream! Put the kettle on and we’ll all have a nice cup of tea! That is how your mind works when you are at the P.A.C. level. White bread-and-marg and sugared tea don’t nourish you to any extent, but they are nicer (at least most people think so) than brown bread-and-dripping and cold water. Unemployment is an endless misery that has got to be constantly palliated, and especially with tea, the English-man’s opium. A cup of tea or even an aspirin is much better as a temporary stimulant than a crust of brown bread.
P.A.C. = Public Assistance Committee
Being frugal is so normal to me that I've never thought much about it as something to brag on or to hide. Perhaps that is why finding your blog felt like coming home.
Yesterday I saw that Dave Ramsey is selling a tee shirt that says: "We have food at home." I don't wear clothes with words on them, but if I did, that shirt would express our philosophy (my husband and mine).
And I am quietly hoping that my very old car will take me to a week of painting in a fancy place this fall because I think it would be amusing to drive it around pretentious people.
Hmmm, that sounds like "loud budgeting"!
I am unashamed to tell people that I buy used, thrift, and clearance shop and go to garage sales for most things - except when it comes to my family. They make fun of my second hand / clearance items, and act as if I am cheap. My siblings are praised for buying brand new vehicles, then borrow money from my parents. I mostly just let it roll off my back these days, but don't really point out where I get things. I do answer honestly if they ask and then endure the eye-rolls and comments. Both of my kids got my "thrifty genes" and my husband and I are so proud of them!
@Cheryl 90, I am so sorry that that’s your family’s attitude. You’re obvs doing something right, that your kids use your thrifty genes and not their relatives’ wasteful ones.
About those new cars. Here’s a funny thing: good cars have gotten so good that you’re not able to get a good deal on a used one. Last time I bought a car, I tried to get a used one. The choices were either 8+ years old for a reasonable price for 3-ish years old for almost the cost of new! The 3 year old car was only a couple thousand less than a new one so new it was. Since my previous car is 15 years old and now being used by a teenaged relative who is a new driver, I’m confident I’ll get my money’s worth from the current one.
@WilliamB, yes! we live in strange times for sure. Our daughter was in the market for a car, and encountered the same issue. She came to us for advice. We told her that at this current time, buying new seemed like the better choice. We advised her to think of the mileage, the warranty, etc. Thankfully she had been saving, saving, saving and was able to pay over half and finance the rest. She aggressively paid off the rest in less than a year, saving a lot of interest.
My comment just got eaten, so here's the short version. I proudly wore a thrifted outfit to a Hospice event held at a $5+million home. This nonprofit runs thrift stores. When I was introduced to the person who runs them, I happily pointed out which pieces had come from one of her shops, and where I had sourced the rest.
I love that my ingrained frugality habits allow me to be generous in my community.
Loud and proud, indeed!
@Dicey, I had a similar experience: I was once ordered to go to a fancy dinner raising funds for a charity that the owner of our company was supporting. It required formal attire and I'd just moved to town and any formal dress I'd owned was sold to pay for my move. So my BFF at work suggested we go to a consignment shop she knew about. Voila! I found a fancy formal (formerly a bridesmaid's gown), and a glittery shawl to go with it. I know I spent under $50 for the whole thing, and I wore shoes and jewelry I already had. My BFF (who dug an old New Year's Eve outfit out of her closet) was at our company's table, as well, and she whispered to me, "we're having just as much fun as the rich ladies who paid thousands for their outfits." And we were!
I'm a loud budgeter. I love sharing good deals with friends and they, in turn, share deals with me. Our school is getting a new dress code next year and last week I was raiding the $10 bin and telling other moms about it, plus sharing where I plan to shop to get things secondhand. And some friends who live closer to those thrift stores have offered to look for me while they're there. Since my kids attend a private school, these conversations are refreshing! There is a *huge* income range at our school. Some families (hi!) are dependent on financial aid and make sacrifices to be there. Other families have no trouble with the cost and also donate very, very generously. I think that being a loud budgeter in that environment helps others feel like they don't need to pretend.
@Ruth T, May I suggest asking your school or Parents’ Association to offer a Clothes Closet? You donate your kids’ outgrown items so others can have them. I’ve seen both free and very cheap ($5 or less) work well.
@WilliamB, They are planning to do that after this year. (Yay!) Since this fall will be our first year of it, there's nothing for people to donate yet. But they're planning to do some sort of donation swap next spring. The lady that is in charge of overseeing the uniform implementation is a big time thrifter and also has been really open to parent feedback and wants to make this a positive change. I'm thankful!
Here’s a gift link to the article, so people can get behind the paywall.
https://wapo.st/3WTEzF7
FG, feel free to put this in your text. WaPo gives subscribers some gift links.
I think you hit it on the head when you distinguished between a choice and a necessity. I, who grew up in no apparent (there was stuff going on that I wasn’t aware of as a kid) need, think of frugality as cleverness. My mother, who did grow up in need, thought of it as necessity and ditched it as soon as she could.
Another trend that helps promote loud frugality is environmentalism. Redoing furniture and buying second-hand is cheaper, it’s also reusing and reducing waste. That’s a separate issue from saving money and provides excellent “cover” if you feel you need it.
Probably in the middle. I'm a medical resident, so I'm in a financial space with people who make middle-class incomes but have a lot of debt, and can expect to later have a high income. Doctors are notoriously bad with money, and we live in a very high COL region.
I'm pretty straightforward with others about the limits of what I can afford. I think it's important to model thoughtful spending and planning with junior trainees. I think sometimes loud frugality can feel shaming, so I don't talk too much about every day choices, but I do speak pretty openly about debt repayment, housing, and the cost of having children, with a focus on quality of life. A physician can make more money by working more hours, but if you're not careful you'll jump into a pretty pair of golden handcuffs and struggle to retire.
I am a moderately spoken "budgeter". I will tell people I bought something second hand, cooked for myself, pack leftovers lunches, made something myself or repaired something myself, if the occasion seems to warrant saying it. I won't say much about it, otherwise. However, if asked for frugal tips, I'm very willing to share my "secrets" and I always point people who seem open to it to this blog.
I grew up in a household that was always short on money while long on love, but my parents did NOT teach us budgeting or money management. They were so tight-lipped about money, all we ever heard on the subject was, "No, we aren't spending money on that." I've come to believe it was because they were embarrassed and were afraid we kids might repeat what they said, or perhaps let something slip by accident in conversation with others. I learned from what I saw them doing, though, so I wasn't completely lost when I started out on my own.
Thank you for pointing out that forced frugality is a very different animal from chosen frugality. As someone whose been in both circumstances, I can say it is a lot more satisfying and uplifting when I know I could spend the money, but choose not to, than when I can't spend the money because I don't have it and it doesn't appear to be forthcoming anytime soon.
If loud budgeting means frugality is coming back in fashion, I'm all for it, though. I'm always open to new ideas, as I'm tired of the "don't go to Starbucks" tip that I've seen everywhere for years. We don't even have a Starbucks where I live. That's one reason why I come here. Real people are giving real life experiences with tips and hacks that have worked (or not!) for them.
@JD, Maybe your parents didn't feel like sharing their finances with their children? It's how I feel. Plus in older generations "No" was a perfectly good answer to kids without explanations.
I was never embarrassed by my frugality and I love when my friends admire what I can do with things other people discard, or what I found at the thrift store. I came to this country with nothing (really just a sml suitcase) and I have a house paid off for years in the second most expensive city in Canada. Also I paid for my daughter's university tuitions and housing. This makes me very proud. Beside my penny pinching life style I was very lucky to have a good job where I worked really, really hard. So for me it was (still is) a choice not a necessity.
Loud budgeted here!
Loud to the point it really annoys my husband. He often says, “why do you always have to tell people that you got it on sale/free or that you thrusted it. Why can’t you just say “thank you” to the compliment?”
I do think he has a point. However, it doesn’t stop me from flapping my mouth about my proud frugality!
@Kim from Philadelphia,
Ugh, my typos. Thrifted, not thrusted lol
I admit to two things...
#1 - I have been very shy to talk about budgeting, personal finance, or frugality with anyone other than my mom and fiance. I honestly don't know how to bring it up with anyone.
#2 - I love Formica countertops and builder-grade homes. I live in a 1965 modular home that does *not* have the cool mid-century vibe, but the golden-oak-and-shag-carpet-grandma vibe. Like, the 70s called and they want their house back. So anything simple, clean, and tough is an A++ in my book!
I just watched the restocking videos from the blog you did last August (we were on our Last Hurrah Tour so missed it then). I was left open-mouthed by several things: the expense of buying all those fancy containers; the cleaning you have to do to keep those glass and plastic containers from looking grubby; and, finally, who keeps that many snacks in their home? I could not live with that much temptation in my house. Oh, yeah, and who has time for all that labelling and cleaning and organizing (like putting like chocolate bars together...) I had never heard of this particular mania for organizing.
@Lindsey, I think it's a huge part of this current obsessiveness over optimising in our culture. People are trying to perfect everything and, consciously or not, hoping this illusion of control will extend to other parts of their lives.
I feel that normalizing budgeting and frugality is a great service to those around us.
We've always been frugal. A memory that came back today was when our kids were school age and some 'new' item would come into the house they would ask, " where did this come from?" instead of the standard, "where did you buy this?" They knew that none of the items were bought.
Today my adult son went to haggle some more over a minivan he needs to buy. He first went to negotiate on it two weeks ago and the dealership wouldn't budge enough on price. He walked away. Yesterday the dealership called him offering to sell it to him below the price that he had offered 2 weeks ago, but he has a hard number he will buy it for and it isn't there yet. He's just waiting them out. He had checked out a book from the library on negotiation and is employing all the strategies. It's pretty fun to watch!
Kristen,
Thank you for being authentic with us! I always try to remind myself that Facebook and instagram are other people’s highlight reels and do not always reflect accurately their life. I think the pictures of your house are visually pleasing. Your house looks warm and lived in (in a positive way!) and doesn’t look sterile, staged, or empty.
I’m a loud shouter. Ain’t no shame in my game. And. Also love helping others find a bargain as well.
While I would not characterize myself as loud, I've never shied away from sharing my frugal habits. I've practiced frugality my whole life, being raised in a large family we knew how and when to save.
I do have two questions for the commenters: years ago while attending a shower, someone began folding up the gift wrap for future use. A woman next to me (and it has stayed with me all these years later) said "do people really do that?" - reuse wrapping paper and ribbons. Her derogatory comment made me feel sick and hurt for the other woman. What should I (or anyone who heard it) have said?
And: my husband and I disagree on the amount spent on gifts, in particular this time of year when we get inundated with graduation announcements - many from people we do not even associate with. My husband wants to acknowledge and "be generous" to all. I do not agree. How do we compromise on this? I am much more frugal than he is and while we maintain a decent standard of living, it is nothing extravagant by any means.
Help!
@Teri, I can't offer advice on the generosity thing other than to say maybe you can meet in the middle and agree on a set price. As for the wrapping paper, you could say 'I think it's a great idea to save the paper and help the environment'. You could say something more snide than that but it might not help the party mood!
@Teri, I would have told the woman at the shower, "Yep", with a smile, and let her stew on that.
Maybe your husband could buy the gifts from his personal "Blow Money" rather than your household budget. I never know what to do with those graduation announcements or understand the purpose. If the graduate is in your life, you know and might do something; if the graduate isn't in your life, why are they sending the announcement? Yeah, yeah, there are always exceptions, but in my opinion it is as outdated tradition.
I'm a screaming budgeter, aha!
No shame in the game. My house and car are paid-off, I have zero debts and I have money aside for retirement and for the kids college. So, yeah, I'm very proud of my budgeting skills and not shy to say so. That said, I do understand people who prefer to keep it on the down low in fear of looking plain cheap.
Choosing to spend less to live well is a choice but, as you pointed out, for some it is true necessity.
Depending on where one lives and where you work and what you do, you often have little choice about purchasing things such as clothing. When I worked in corporate America in the executive suite, I had to dress the part. Back then there were no female work suits in whatever thrift shops that existed (unlike today where you can find practically anything on or offline for all types of clothing.) I lived in a big city so thankfully I didn't need a car but I saw my friends who lived in the suburbs spend tons on cars because they didn't want to look like they were poor or struggling compared to neighbors.
As it happens, I grew up in two very wealthy areas. We were definitely not wealthy and my single mom struggled financially but I never felt poor or felt like I was missing out. But this was a time before cell phones, designer clothes, etc. Having gone to school with the kids of wealthy families (who I did not know, at the time, how wealthy they were because it was all "old" money and no one ever discussed money or showed it off.) I was amazed to see that these families were very very low key and you would not guess from their homes or clothing how wealthy they were because they were raised NOT to show off and they did not believe in being ostentatious in how they lived or dressed. The only folks spending like crazy were the working folks who desperately didn't want to seem poor.
I feel very lucky because I have pretty much always been careful to spend only on what I really wanted and also to not feel compelled to engage in what one might refer to as "keeping up with the joneses" True, I could not indulge in expensive dinners or vacations but I learned to cook and upgrade what I ate at home. And I was lucky enough to travel for work and tack on a few days of vacation at no cost for airfare, for example, and often discounted lodgings (corporate discounts!).
What really irks me today is this constant emphasis on the newest, best, etc. and the need to buy new electronics every year. To me a computer needs to work a minimum of five years...cell phones as long as the software is supported. I hate when folks say: Oh, just toss it and get a new one. Why? I hate that so many small and large appliances today don't seem to last more than a few years. It's so wasteful, not only of our dollars but in the general environmental sense.
I pride myself on never paying more than I have to for anything. Why waste money? It's interesting the wealthiest folks I know feel the same way and will quibble over a few dollars to get the cheapest they can on something and they feel absolutely no shame. Meanwhile, working folks hate when they are forced to ask for discounts, the same ones that the rich, who could afford more, feel entitled to.
I like things, don't get me wrong. But I make huge distinctions between what I'd like and what I need and having limited income at this juncture of life, leaves me no option but to be thrifty where I can and to find bargains. I enjoy taking time and waiting if needed to get a good deal on almost anything.
I've invested in a pantry that has helped me save a lot. But we all still spend more than we would like on food, especially if you are feeding only one and your freezer fills up weekly with leftovers.
It just makes sense to spend carefully according to one's needs, no matter how much, if any, discretionary income you have.
I, too, have had some great thrifted finds over the years that I love even more than the more expensive items in my home decor.
I wish that I didn't live in a city where the competition for items that are free and given away and at thrift stores wasn't so big. Plenty of stuff out there, but you gotta be the first to get it.
I don't care what others spend, unless they expect me to cover their shortfalls!
In today's economy, it's foolish to not think carefully about what you spend and how you can spend less.
It isn't always easy to live on a limited income but I think I actually end up enjoying what I have so much more because I really did work to get a bargain!