Do you enjoy things more when they don't happen regularly?
I was chatting about this with Mr. FG last time we went out on a date and I concluded that I enjoy and appreciate pleasant things more when I don't have them every day. But I wonder if everyone feels that way.
For instance, if I get an iced chai latte every once in a while, I think it's the most delicious thing I've ever had. But if I drank one every day, I am positive that it would cease to bring me as much joy.
I was also thinking about this and how it relates to work and rest. I think that when work is punctuated with rest and vacation, the rest and vacation is significantly more lovely than it would be if your whole life was nothing but rest and vacation.
(Of course, that's a more complicated scenario than I can delve into, because there are issues like the sense of meaning that work can provide in one's life. But stay with me here!)
How does this relate to frugality?
Well, people sometimes scoff at frugal living because they think it's a lifestyle of deprivation. But I kind of think that a degree of "deprivation" allows you to more fully appreciate things.
If I bought everything I wanted all the time, I doubt I would value purchases the way I do.
If I ate out as often as I wanted, I doubt it would bring me the joy it currently does.
If I bought lobster tails every day, they probably would start to not taste as good.
Robert Louis Stevenson said, "Even the greatest of delights without the least of restrictions will quickly cease to satisfy.", and I'm thinkin' I'm inclined to agree with him.
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I'm really curious what you all think, though. Do you find this to be true in your life, or do you think R.L.S. and I are off our rockers?
Kristen, you are so correct with this. Once we have something regularly, it ceases to be a treat. In " The Tightwad Gazette" by Amy D., she references how this affects children at Christmas....when they open maybe two gifts, they are so happy but we often urge them to open more....they are torn away from a treat and it becomes ho-hum. I believe she called it the Wow Factor.
I have noticed how this is true for me. It is nice (and mostly) frugal to allow room for the "treats"....they just satisfy so much more when they aren't an everyday occurrence.
I just have to say that I love the Tightwad Gazette! I've re-read them many times! The present-thing is so true, not only with kids, but me too. I'd enjoy a couple of gifts, but the more there are, the less exciting it is. I really like the idea of giving kids 3 gifts at Christmas; people vary how they categorize the three.
That is too funny...Amy's article in The Tightwad Gazette is the first thing that popped into my head when I read this post. I believe she called it "Creative Deprivation". She said that her children could completely enjoy a small junior ice cream cone because they didn't get one on a regular basis; many kids would fail to be excited because they got them on every outing. I think this phenomenon is very, very true. I used to go shopping all the time and my purchases often ended up sitting in their bag in the back of the closet indefinitely. Now, when I buy something I enjoy it much more because I've sworn off most retail purchases. I try to stick to garage sales/consignment shops/thrift stores, so when I find the perfect piece of artwork for a bare wall or a necklace that's exactly my style, I totally appreciate it because it wasn't instant gratification. It took time, effort and patience to aquire it. And I love that everything I find is a total bargain! 🙂
I think this may be very personality-dependent.
I find that for me, I tend to appreciate things more when they are woven into my daily routine. If I put something away "for later", or only treat myself on special occasions, I find myself falling into the trap of never actually enjoying it, since I deem the occasion "not quite special enough".
So I try to go out of my way to incorporate my special treats to myself in my day- time to savour a cup of coffee in the morning before I get up and face the day, actually using a spritz of that "special" perfume and soaking in the smell, etc.
Incidentally, my little sister also suffers from the same problem. When she was 11 or so, I gave her a gorgeous caramel apple for her birthday. She put it on her shelf, waiting until the day was just special enough to eat it. Good thing it was pretty- it rotted to the core before she ever got a chance to taste it!
Maybe you could try thinking of the treat as the special occasion itself, not something you save for a special occasion.
I think it depends on what it is. I definitely enjoy my morning cup of coffee every single morning. 😉
I agree with you - special things would be less special if they happen with more regularity.
The things that happen all the time are easy to take for granted. If you live somewhere where it almost never rains, you take the sunshine for granted - but get really excited when it rains. Plus, I am of the opinion that anticipation is half the fun! ("It's the thought that counts," sort of?)
I have often thought about this theory, and, for me, it holds true. I enjoy eating out on occasion, but I only go to a restaurant that has truly good food, and I don't go often. The anticipation is part of the fun, and I make sure I have enough time allowed to enjoy the excursion to the fullest. I'm often still thinking about it the next day ~ not just the food, but how much I enjoyed the company and the atmosphere. If I did this more than once or twice a month, I don't think it would hold the same value.
Oh, I definitely agree! In fact, recently I told my husband that I wasn't enjoying our meals out on the weekends as much. It started to seem like a chore to choose where we would go! Spoiled! We decided that we would sometimes dine at home more on the weekend or get something quick such as subs. Even our 8 year old has enjoyed the change.
I think we need some of each. Regular pleasures that we can look forward to are one of life's great gifts, whether it's Sunday dinner with the extended family, or going to the library every Saturday and coming home with a new stack of treasures. I remember when I was younger, and poor (no cable, dvd player, or streaming TV), the local public TV station showed classic movies every Friday night. I looked forward to that every week and it never got old. On the other hand, when I moved to a new city some things that I had taken for granted (like indie coffee shops) became hard to find, while others like Mexican food became much easier. It was the rarer things that were more delightful when I got to have them. Probably the key is to make the cheap/healthy things the regular habits and the more costly (in time, money, calories, whatever) the treats.
Hedonistic adaptation (the adaptation to something pleasurable so that it becomes a non-special daily event) is actually a well supported fact in behavioural sciences. You do stop enjoying things that you get all the time.
I agree. Everything in moderation. Savor the treasures in life and indulging once in a while keeps those special treasures, well, special.
We used to eat out at least once a week and now only do once a month. Our one date is now very special. We spend more time considering where we will eat and we really do enjoy it more. We used to just go out because we were to tired or lazy to cook at home and wouln't savor the occasion. I was reading a book by the Dalai Lama and he said that when we keep doing and earthly pleasureable thing, it ceases to become pleasurable.
On a much less grand scale, I have been on Weight Watchers for years, with a "cheat day" on Wednesdays after my weigh- in. I can't tell you how wonderful whatever I've chosen to eat that day tastes( I choose carefully!) even when it's a plain 'ol everyday hamburger. I know without a doubt that I enjoy it more because of waiting and looking forward to it. And the bonus is, having that to work toward during the week has helped me lose over 50 pounds and maintain it for over eight years.
Ha! I lost 60 pounds with WW almost 6 years ago and I do the same thing. I think WW works on this whole premise--eat wisely most of the time, and you will enjoy your splurges more. I also think it depends on what we define as "special". I buy more expensive tea to use on a daily basis because I like it better, but for some, that would be a splurge. I consider my Tuesday latte, however, to be special (skim milk, half shot sugar-free syrup) because I only do it once a week (Tuesday is 94-cent latte day with an up-charge if you add syrup). I try to minimize my spending on eating out as well as my calorie load, so this is a double splurge.
I definitely agree that special treats are more special when you don't have them all the time. Your mention of your occasional iced chai latte reminded me of an art fair we went to last weekend - I usually make my own coffee at home, but splurged on a vanilla iced latte at this art fair - it was extra delicious because I rarely have such a "fancy" coffee drink. Just one example, but holds true for vacations, dining out at a special restaurant, etc.
Your thoughts agree with happiness research and behavioral economists. 🙂
And Marmee March. It reminds me of this quote from Little Women:
"...Don't you feel that is is pleasanter to help one another, to have daily duties which make leisure sweet when it comes..."
I find that with our family, we like to put "space" around the things we really enjoy. That "space" is like a mat and frame around a piece of art. It sets off how wonderful the art really is. And it builds gratitude in one's heart.
I really like this.
Definitely true for me. I rarely travel now, but just came back from a lovely reunion with my sisters. If I did that often, it wouldn't have the same meaning. It's so refreshing to get away once in awhile and come home replenished, seeing my life with new eyes.
It's so true! A real life example ... There was a time, many years ago when a family member had regular appts in the morning at the hospital where I work. So he offered to drive me daily (which remained a treat, as I was a public transit user at the time). He went to Tim Hortons for coffee every day on the way, and always bought me a French vanilla "coffee" (it's mostly sugar). Initially it was a wonderful treat! But by the time he stopped driving me to work (maybe a month or two later) I could barely drink it and to this day I don't order them. Too much of a good thing 🙂
I agree 100%. When we return to our home after a visit or vacation, home is even sweeter. It is the same with foods for me as it is with you. One interesting almost exception perhaps, is that now that I have been retired for three years, I do NOT get less pleasure from time with my husband and with walking, reading, housekeeping (sorry, folks, I like keeping house) than I did when I taught full time and had way less time for these activities. Maybe, though, the 31 years of teaching combined with child-rearing, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed, have made me think of this full-time pursuit of retirement fun as a treat.
Your blog is the only one I read without fail. It, too, is part of my retirement joy. I enjoy it more since it is not daily {:o) Thank you!
I have to agree with this wholeheartedly. I work from home too, and I find that I get things done in a more timely fashion when I hold out a reward for myself, even if it's just puttering in the garden! And I had to laugh when I read what you said about lobster--in the early 1900s (I think), many servants in New England were really ticked off that their employers were feeding them lobster nearly every day! For them, it was too much of the same thing, even if it was a good thing. Variety is the spice of life!
If I could have a Shamrock Shake any time I wanted, those 30 days in the spring wouldn't be nearly as special. I know that there is another place that makes a similar shake, but I refuse to get one there (it would ruin it!).
I do have to say that the "rest" part of work does need to be on a regular basis vs taking a vacation. I know some folks who work 60+ hours a week and truly need more rest (fewer hours), which I do not equate to a vacation.
You've made an interesting point, that marketing and advertising uses this strategy as well. The McRib, the Shamrock Shake, the never-ending going out of business sale, the Presidents Day sale...they all operate on the idea of "I better get it now before it's gone".
We are only able to experience the "specialness" of a treat or reward if we don't have it all the time. That's what distinguishes rewards and treats from everyday. If everyday we got to go to Disneyland, I doubt we would be dazzled at how the landscape is perfectly manicured, and how everyone is so friendly all the time--because this would be come our reality. The little surprises in life every now and then take us away from the day to day grind, and let us feel special, just for that one moment we are drinking that latte 😉 because we know that their will not be one tomorrow. If we knew we were going to have another the next day and the next day after that, why would we take the time to enjoy it? It is no longer special. I feel the exact same way. That's why BALANCE of work/play/rest is so important!
I thought you were going somewhere else with that--that it's more fun when you do blogs that you don't always do...for instance, I like your blogs like today's more than another recipe, or food waste post.
But as far as what you wrote, it's what you said about kids at Christmas about strategic deprivation. When you have something all the time, it becomes the new "base line" and is expected. Then, it becomes much harder to exceed that.
I think thus is completely true. One reason we eat seasonally is because its so nice to get excited for apples in the fall! Year round we have the applesauce and apple butter I canned, but fresh, crisp apples mark the beginning of autumn for us! And dinner out used to be the norm, but I appreciate it so much more now that it isn't.
And last, I was a housewife for 4 years before having Nora, with a ton of free time in which I never got anything done. I enjoy being able to take time for me to complete tasks so much more now.
Depends what it is: treats, yes, much better when infrequent. When it comes to using "nice things" I find that I have to use them every day or I will never get around to it. I have a collection of silver that I had in a drawer for company, then realized it was not doing anyone any good being put away. I got it out, polished it, and now we eat our dinner with vintage silverware. If I had china, I would do the same thing (with the exception of serving my one year old, that is).
What you are describing is the "marginal value" effect. The more you have of something, the less marginal value it has - your 10th coffee brings you less pleasure than your first coffee. your 10th million dollars brings you less utility than your first million.
Marginal value (and it's sibling, marginal cost, the added cost if you do just one more of that item) is one of the fundamental building blocks of economics.
I totally agree. In fact I've had a post planned for a while (still in the head stage...) about setting self-limits in an abundant 24/7 society. Which I do.
A recent study in the American Journal Of Clinical Nutrition demonstrated that routine ice-cream eaters had less activity in the brains 'reward centre' while sipping a milkshake than those who indulged less often. Conclusion? The more you eat, the less satisfaction you get*. Life ain't like a box of chocolates after all, for me, it's like a milkshake!
*Source - Women's Health UK (July/August 2013 Edition)
Sounds like conditioning to me. If you're used to eating cake/pie/ice cream for dessert at home, why would you want to order it while dining out at a restaurant? It's not a treat, its a regular thing. While out, you want something more extraordinary or deluxe, no?
I believe this is true in my life. I have a family friend who is very wealthy and very generous with her time and money. She has taken me and my husband out to dinner a number of times at very nice restaurants-sometimes places so nice, we know we'd never go there on our own because of the prices. She tells us we're great dining partners and I believe it's because we really appreciate those meals. For many others in her life, the excitement of eating at a fancy place is less, because they do it so frequently. But for us, we relish every minute out at a nice restaurant. Plus, we really like to eat and talk about what we're eating.
I've heard it said that "nothing is wonderful after a while".
I agree. I think I need to remember this when I start to think of frugal as a temporary measure. If I start thinking of all the things I'll buy when I reach this financial goal or that I'll lose ground. I think when we become debt free there should be a well thought out "treat." However, being content in more important that want.
oh absolutely! we are very careful financially too (you have us beat sensei, but we are trying), and when we do splurge and get a patio set, we use nearly every night and comment on how much we love it and smile when we pull in the driveway and see it. it really means a lot to us and it isn't big or fancy, but then neither are we. love your blog, i hear your words when i really want a new pair of shoes i don't need (and feel sheepish when i use paper towels). thank you thank you!
Like many of the comments, I agree as well. I recently was reading a little parenting article about waiting. It was talking about all the benefits of teaching our children to wait. (I couldn't help but think of my own impatience too.) It was mentioned things like a period of waiting can be a productive time like when you are ready to go and waiting for others you can pick up the living room. But one of the comments was that waiting for something builds anticipation and enjoyment as we look forward to it. Such a different concept in our world and culture of instant gratification. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I also agree. Like Denise said, anticipation is half the fun of indulging in an infrequent treat. It really adds to the pleasure of having it.
When I was a kid, my family could rarely afford to go to a movie or eat dinner at a restaurant so when we did it was a monumental treat, greatly appreciated and enjoyed by all. In contrast, I remember once visiting some friends of friend of mine. Their family ate dinner out 5-6 times a week. While I was visiting, the subject of where to go to dinner came up and the children BEGGED to just stay home for once and eat whatever was in the house. That was an eye-opener for me, for whom eating out is still a treat!
Yes, I agree. As with anything, it is simply the novelty wearing off.
I tried reading The Tightwad Gazette and found her to be too extreme for me though every time I see someone raving about her book(s) I think of giving them another try so I may just have to do that one of these days.
Absolutely! I have a philosophy that I jokingly refer to as "rationing the fun". I have found that the kids I know who are constantly doing fun and big expensive things are often the least happy kids and the most likely to say they are bored all the time. my kids are super joyful and something as simple as a free bakery cookie makes their day. we do have fun but we also have a lot of downtime and they only get presents at holidays. By buying kids too much you are doing them no favors.
This is such a good post! Even though I'm late to it, I want to throw in my two cents. There's a really great old children's story, I think it's called "Christmas Every Day". In it the girl's Christmas wish is that it would be Christmas every day. On Boxing Day, when it's Christmas again, she's thrilled, as are all the other children. Gradually, as time passes, they get sick of it -every day the piles of presents they have to open, the turkey dinners they have to eat, etc. By the time November comes, everyone just throws the piles of presents all over and they're all totally mad at her. Then on Christmas day...NO PRESENTS! They're super happy and thrilled. As a kid who wished for Christmas to be every day, I actually loved this story and I do completely believe that part of the nature of a "treat" is that it be somewhat infrequent, or it is no longer a treat but an every day occurrence.