Q&A | Home Ec., personal growth, dry chicken, & traveling alone
Lots of unrelated topics today. Let's go!
First, two questions from Lina, a German reader we met last October.
1. When I grew up in Germany we didn't have home economics classes. But my Swedish husband had them when he went to school. Recently, I found his old textbook and found it quite interesting to read: the major part were recipes, but it also had a chapter about cleaning the house, doing laundry and a part about the actual economics (budgeting, saving money, saving resources, environmental protection).
I found that very interesting and the environmental part quite progressive for the late 1980s when he was a school boy. Did you yourself had home economics lessons when you were home-schooled? And did you teach this kind of stuff to your children? 🙂 if yes, did they think it was interesting and/or useful?
So, I don't think we had much in the way of an official course in home economics when my mom homeschooled us, but I learned in a more casual way.
My mom had us do chores, of course, so that's where my first experience with cleaning happened.
She also taught me how to sew clothing, and how to make bread. And then when I was a teenager, I took a big interest in cooking, and I unofficially took over a lot of the cooking for my family, of my own accord.
As far as money goes, my parents taught me the basics, but I honestly think my very frugal attitudes about money are sort of inborn. No one had to tell me to squish the last bit of bar soap onto the new bar; I just did that kind of thing because I thought it would be wasteful to throw away the sliver!
When it came to my own kids, I approached this pretty similarly; they all had regular chores and they all did their own laundry, start to finish, from the time they were pretty young.
I taught them the basics of setting aside money for giving, saving, and spending, and of course, they all had first-row seats to frugal living and environmentally-friendly, waste-avoiding strategies. 😉
I think kids will often run with whatever catches their fancy or fits their personality, though. For example, my mom showed me the basics of making bread, and then I went way further with it than she did.
I showed my kids the basics of sewing, but Sonia really got into sewing and has made a bazillion outfits for herself (while I generally only sew to mend things!).
I gave all of my kids similar exposure to financial management, but Lisey is a natural-born saver, and she set up a retirement account at her grocery store job when she was 15. I deserve no credit for that; she's just naturally savvy with money, I think.
I do think parenting matters and I do think we influence our kids, but also, I think an enormous part of how they live their lives is determined by their own personalities and interests. Some of it (a lot of it?) is out of our hands!
2. A bit more personal: I saw your back story post on Instagram and I am sooo impressed by your personal growth. For me it is sometimes hard to see my own personal growth, sometimes it seems I am stuck or I am even making steps backwards (especially when I think about some traumas from my childhood or youth). Do your exercises of gratitude (thankful Thursdays) or other techniques help you with that?
Oh, that is interesting. For me, looking back a bit does help. For instance, I think about how much I had to cry and process through in the first year when I left my marriage, and I can see that that has subsided a lot!
It also helps to get feedback from others; my support group friends who have known me since early in my separation are good sources for letting me know that I have grown. I wonder if some close people in your life could provide such feedback for you!
I know it's a truism that time heals all wounds, but I disagree. Time is mostly helpful if you are doing things that help you process and heal! As I look back, I see my progress as evidence that the things I'm doing are helping me heal...things such as:
- therapy
- support groups
- writing out my thoughts
- sitting with and welcoming the feelings
- treating my body well (exercise, sleep, and nutritious food)
- acknowledging the hard while also looking for the good in my life
- doing things that move my life forward
- focusing on what I can control, and letting go of what I can't
I know that what I have been through will leave some marks and scars no matter how much healing I do, but I trust that the above strategies will get me as healthy as possible.
My rotisserie chicken gets so dry after half a day. Any tips on that?
-Maggie
Oddly, I have never had this problem! So I am not sure what to suggest. Does this happen no matter what store you buy the chicken from?
I will say that the leftover breast meat is usually a little drier than the dark meat, but I think that's mainly a function of the fat content. I haven't noticed rotisserie breasts being drier than any other chicken breast meat, though. Hopefully some readers can help you out with this one!
What do you recommend one to do while visiting Jim Thorpe? and have you considered planning a frugal girl group weekend?
-Michelle
There are some great bike trails that run through Jim Thorpe (I've been on those) and I also know there are activities like white-water rafting, train rides, trolley tours, and so on.
I have been through a tour of the Asa Packer mansion there (it gives Downton Abbey vibes a bit!) and I've also toured the Old Jail (which I thought was a little depressing).
This time around, though, I mainly went on walks, visited the little shops, walked down by the river, and relaxed in my AirBnB.
Oh, and I also packed a few weights so that I could maintain my workout routine, like the good little personal training client that I am. Heh.
Traveling Alone
On traveling alone: no one asked a specific question, but some people said that traveling alone would make them feel depressed and lonely, and since I was working that day, I didn't get to pop into the comments.
Mainly, I wanted to say that I do not think this is an issue of right/wrong, good/bad! It's just a case of preferences.
I think I am an ambivert; I consistently ride the line between introvert and extrovert. Sometimes I am energized by being around people, and sometimes I am energized by being alone.
So, I like to travel with people who are good company, but I also was very, very happy at Jim Thorpe all by myself.
I also wonder if some of this has to do with how much alone time/social time you have gotten in your life. I went straight from living with five people (my family of origin) to getting married and then pretty quickly living in a houseful of people again, where I was a stay-at-home, homeschooling, work-at-home mom.
This means that my life to this point has not exactly been characterized by solitude. So, it kind of makes sense that my ambivert self would be a little hungry for some time where I am only responsible for me!
I would not want to be alone 24/7/365 for the rest of my life, of course. But the scales of my life have been tipped so far on the side of non-solitude, there's still probably plenty of room for some solitude before I reach equilibrium.
Also, as I was saying to a friend: there is a difference between being alone by choice and being alone without having chosen that.
I do have relationships and I could have had a travel buddy if I wanted; I just truly wanted to be by myself. 🙂 And I want to acknowledge that is different than feeling like there's no one to go with you even if you did want companionship.
Thoughts? How do you feel about traveling alone? Any tips for dry rotisserie chicken?
And of course, any other topic in this post is open for discussion as well. 😉
I can't imagine traveling with others for leisure (Done it many times for business travel.)
Not that I don't enjoy my friends, but I really like to go at my own pace. I'm not good waiting on others to get ready or having to discuss what we'll do and have others be part of the decision.
I have never felt lonely when on my own. It is very freeing and super fun as I go where I want, when I want. Do I occassionally miss sharing something with a friend? Sure. I've seen some amazing things, met some wonderful people that would have been nice to share but I still prefer on my own. Traveling to share special occasions (birthdays, weddings, family outings? That's a whole other thing entirely.)
Business travel where one has to accommodate not only clients, but one's bosses and peers in terms of where/when and how? Exhausting. I love business travel on my own and have had some wonderful memories of using downtime on such trips (I will always remember an Italian client who changed the time of appointment, with nothing to do for three hours, I headed to St Peter's in Rome and walked up to the top for a fabulous (albeit scary, due to height) view of the Vatican grounds and gardens. I should note that I was dressed in a business suit with a fitted skirt and low heels. Not optimum for scaling so many steps!
Another was when I got lost in Florence (again time between appointments) and found the marvelous Santa Maria Farmacia. To this day, I remember the light, the building, the SMELL (incredible, from its famous either you love it or hate it, potpourri, now available in the US) ...it was magical. Or just meandering around and coming upon a beautiful herb shop with amazing fragrances and products.
Traveling alone can be tricky depending on where you are going. And in some places, not advisable but choose traveling companions carefully. Even your besties don't always make good companions due to their preferred ways of doing things. (Example: The time you leave to start your day out; when you stop to eat, etc. Where you go...)
@Irena, that pharmacy is AMAZING.
I stumbled on it and ended up there for ages.
@Irena, I have traveled with other people and couples a number of times. Swore I would never do it again. Although my husband and I are perfect travel companions. Someone once said, "You will never travel faster than the slowest person in your group." This is so true.
@Anne,
I'm right there with you. I once travelled with a group of friends - I think it was a long weekend trip - and I really couldn't handle waiting around while everyone got ready, this one blew dry her hair, that one wanted to go to {X} while everyone else wanted to go to {Y}, etc. One of this group of friends is a picky eater, so that was a thing (my son is a picky eater, so I get it, but it got annoying. I am sometimes frustrated and annoyed with my son's pickiness, too). I chose never to vacation with them again. Hubby, son and I travel well together, as did hubby and I before our son came along. I'm 100% fine with traveling alone, though I don't have many opportunities for that these days.
@Liz B., One of my friends' parents were celebrating some milestone anniversary with a cruise with all their kids and spouses invited. My friend's husband, who'd just retired from the Coast Guard, said no way in hell was he vacationing on a ship. Heh. So she invited a bunch of us to come along. We had a lot of fun, but I shared a room with the world's laziest human, who I thought would manage to rouse herself before dark to have fun on a Caribbean cruise. SHEESH! One day I yanked the covers off her at the ungodly hour of 10AM and said, "You promised we were going ashore this morning to ride horses on the beach! NOW GET UP!" she grumbled but we did make it in time. It was fun but NEVER AGAIN with her.
I think there is a huge space between being alone & being lonely. I often choose to be alone, but if I’m lonely I know it’s time to pick up the phone & call someone. Or get out & about with people. I really enjoy the peace & solitude of being alone in my home. But, if I’m here too long solo, I do start feeling lonely & actively work to change that.
I usually find rotisserie chicken to be simultaneously greasy and dry, so I don’t buy it. This is probably due to it sitting under the heat lamp. I have friends who know the Costco schedule for putting out fresh chickens, so try asking about that and then only buy the freshest ones. With a whole chicken in general, the breast does dry out first, so you can just eat the breast the first day and leave the dark meat for leftovers. If you do have leftover breast, try dicing it and having chicken salad or dicing it and putting it into gravy for chicken and biscuits.
My goddaughter (in the southeastern USA) just took Home Ec last year at her public middle school. They learned basic cooking, sewing, and budgeting. However! In the budgeting section, they taught the kids to base their budgets on monthly payments, not the actual cost of things. They did a sort of semester long game where all the kids picked a job and an apartment and a car, etc. All of their fake expenses were expressed in monthly payments. They even taught them to finance their pretend furniture. We had a long talk about all the interest you would pay in this scenario, which was ultimately problematic bc her mom and I have very different perspectives on wise financial stewardship and I do not want to come across as contradicting her mom.
Anyhow, I am all for teaching kids personal finance in school, but, like sex ed, be aware that if you are a parent, you need to stay on top of the curriculum so you can correct harmful or just plain wrong information.
@Tarynkay, oh, man, financing furniture??
That’s almost as bad as payday loans or putting everything on a credit card. Good heads-up on checking curricula.
My favorite type of furniture is $0. No financing required. 😉
@Tarynkay, wow, that is troubling! In my home ec class we also based the cost of things by the month, but rather than financing, I believe it was more based on the idea of a sinking fund. So if you know you would like to buy a $400 sofa in 4 months, you would have to save $100/month until then.
Your goddaughter is lucky to have you to suggest an alternate approach to finances!
@Bike Mom and @Kristen, I'm with Kristen on acquiring furniture for free (which DH and I did with a fair percentage of ours). In the immortal words of Amy D, "Z is for zero, my favorite price!"
In my home ec class, our teacher told us to make sure to keep our nails clean. That's about all I remember except for sewing an elaborate vest with lapels and buttonholes and besom pockets whereas everyone else listened to the teacher and made a wrap skirt.
@Rose,
We had to make this awful dress that was sleeveless and had darts. Mine turned out okay, but I never wore it, which made my mom furious. I even remember the fabric had a white background, with tiny dark brown and tan flowers all over it.....not sure why I thought that was so great. I should have bought a solid color, to be honest.
@Liz B., My vest was blue with a white floral design. The lining, back, pocket trim, etc was white with the same floral design in the blue. Why I didn't add some boning and some chiffon ruffles with French seams (just to be extra stupidly hard), I don't know.
@A. Marie,
Absolutely- the right price is free-ninety-nine!
When the time comes, I will help her find a nice scuffed table for her first apartment.
@Rose,
See, I could get behind making a vest like that. That sounds awesome, but yeah....lots harder than the stupid dress I made. Even without boning and ruffles. 🙂
This isn't quite traveling, but...
My dad goes to movies alone on a regular basis and I thought that was weird for most of my life. It's only been in the last year or so that I thought that I might enjoy going to the movie theater alone. I considered doing it earlier this summer when I had an evening to myself, but had too much to do. Perhaps this year when the kids are all in school (for the first time!) I will go see Wicked by myself.
@Ruth T, I can 10/10 recommend going to cinemas by yourself. I often find that I take in the film more, as I'm not distracted by the reaction of the person(s) I've gone with, or worrying about how good the film is.
@Ruth T, I remember the first time I went to the movies by myself, long ago. I was sitting around thinking I wanted to see this movie and who could I call. When I had a light bulb moment. Could I just go myself??. It was a work night and I didn't want to go out after, I just wanted to see the movie.
And think about it you don't really talk to anyone while at the movie. It is a waste of a social/talking experience. Call someone to talk when walking or eating.
Anyway I did decide to go alone. Slunk into the theater, sat in the back and thoroughly enjoyed the movie. And never looked back.
@Ruth T, I go to the movies alone a LOT. My thoughts are, even if you go with someone -- you don't talk during the movie, so what does it matter if I go alone?
@Sophie in Denmark,
I also like to go to the cinema all by myself. For the same reasons you give. I want to add that when the movie happens to bore me I get up and leave the place with no regrets whatsoever. And when the movie happens to be bad I do not have to talk about it and can just forget about the whole thing.
@Ruth T, One of my favorite things to do! I don't understand why people feel "funny" about doing this. You can see whatever you choose, without judgment of any kind, whenever you want, on the big screen. And you don't have to worry that there won't be enough explosions to suit your companion!
@Jean, will there be enough explosions to suit me? /prefers boy movies to girl movies
I am a social introvert and absolutely love travelling alone. I also enjoy trips with friends but when I travel alone I really appreciate choosing what I want to do, where I feel like eating and how late (or early!) I want to go to bed. I went away for a few days once and went to bed at 9pm every night, because I'm such a party animal 😉 I don't have to factor in the decision factor of where everyone else wants to go and worry if everyone is having a good time. I love going away with others as well, but really appreciate travelling alone.
For me, it's not that I dislike being with friends, but rather a time to enjoy some solitude. As Diane put it, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, and solo trips are often a time for me to simply be, if that makes sense. As an introvert, I recharge by being alone.
@Sophie in Denmark,
At our store in Texas, we have some humorous wooden signs that we sell for novelties. They're designed to display in your home or office. One says "Born to party until 9 p.m." At my age, that pretty well sums me up.
But another one the commentariat might enjoy says "Grandpa. So easy to operate, a child can do it!"
I have resembled the first sign for my whole life. I went to bed at 9 pm of my own accord when I was a teenager! lol
@Fru-gal Lisa, how funny!
I usually go to bed an hour or so late when I'm at home but I'm usually tired from walking around and exploring when I'm away! I was going to go to a free evening concert when I was in Hamburg but I was so tired I ended up watching tv in my hotel room. If I go again I'll try and make it there!
Per traveling alone, I think for me it's because outside of my family or events with my family I don't exactly have friends' time any more at this point in my life. It also doesn't help when a lot of my hobbies were not the ones that a lot of people were all that much into so pretty much all of my hobbies are done by myself and it's been this way since as long as I can remember. The downside of being "unique" is that you just have to get used to being lonely a lot and learn not to feel it otherwise it consumes you and you can't ever get anything done. Alternately you just get used to doing what others want to do.
My wife now will come along to some of my endeavors but that's more that she wants me to not be alone because I prefer to show someone and infodump on someone even if I know that it's not her thing. To me it's about sharing and having people to talk with and come along for the ride.
I do a lot of things alone. I do grocery shopping alone. Most of my work is solitary these days outside of communications via email and IM. I can go weeks without having a meaningful in person conversation with anyone that isn't a member of my immediate family.
My wife would probably love a vacation alone. She's much more introverted than I am and some days will basically hit a point where she "is out of spoons" and I know that she can't be expected to process anything more and generally needs alone time so I respect that and give it to her.
I can't say I would enjoy a vacation alone. I'd probably lose all motivation to go to the events or places, just sit around a lot etc. In fact. I am pretty sure I would never even plan a trip for myself unless I was meeting someone there.
I guess people are just all different.
@Battra92,
I think the WFH trend can be hard and lonely existence for some people. It is easy to go several days without having real contact with anyone. It also makes it difficult to get-to-know your co-workers. Those water cooler conversation about life are long gone. We work with people who live all over the country — even the world — and we no longer even know what they look like.
I look at how much my husband’s life has changed since Covid. He travels to a corporate office in another state. When he is home, he is on conference calls all day long. He doesn’t live in the city he works, so it’s difficult to develop and keep up any type of friendship. It makes it extremely difficult to build and be part of a cohesive team that you trust.
It can also make life together difficult. He’s gone all week, sleeps in a strange bed, and eats in restaurants. I’m alone in the house all week eating whatever is in the refrigerator yield. The weekend comes and he wants to enjoy home. I am ready to go out and do something. We have to be really careful that we each get what we need. You are a sensitive man to recognize when your wife is out of spoons.
Yes! We ARE all just different. And that is a-ok. The important thing is that we respect each other's differences, and I love the ways you and your wife have figured out methods for doing that.
@Bee, Work has absolutely changed but part of the issue is also that the building I go into doesn't really have any of the people I am working with. I am part of a team that literally spans continents yet I never leave my small corner of the woods. So work has been a total bust for making any sorts of friendships and outside of church (another place it's been tough) I just don't see any people on the regular.
I totally get you on the Friday Night Blues (to borrow a line from an old John Conlee song.) There are times when she needs to recharge, our daughter just wants to watch TV and I want to be doing something, somewhere that's not here. We tend to try and just balance as best we can.
I like to do almost anything alone, but maybe not real travel. I have gone to stay a night at a hotel by myself, which was mostly just a break from my crazy household, but going to a different state or country for several days would probably not work well for me. I'm not good at planning travel, because I don't really love it, and the logistics are very daunting for me (mostly because I get lost so easily, ha). My husband is a good traveling partner for me, because he does love it, and he makes it so I do and see things I never would on my own. A consistent theme of our 20+ years of marriage is him expanding my horizons in many ways. 🙂
I've been thinking a lot about being alone this weekend, since the majority of my family is in New York right now. I am a homebody and mostly an introvert--though I do like to talk to people--so time in my house without the constant demands of our somewhat large family has been a relief. But I sure am glad I have them to get me out of myself and be a part of something larger than me. I have close family members who seem puzzled as to why someone like me who enjoys quiet and order as much as I do would choose to have four children that bring so much noise and chaos to my life. But had I allowed my natural tendency to those things to dictate my life choices, I would have missed out on the best part of my life.
That got deep. This is what happens when I'm left alone with my thoughts for days. 🙂
@kristin@going country,
I was a very organized, pulled- together person then I had children. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I made it through. There are days now when I really miss the chaos. But it is nice for everything to be in its place again.
I love your deep thoughts. <3
You know those glass-washing sponges? With the long handles and sponges at the end to reach into the bottom of a glass to wash it? When I was 4 or 5 years old I asked for one for Christmas. And Santa brought one! I was thrilled. My mother used to let me stand on a little step stool at the kitchen sink after dinner and “puddle” (as I called it) in the soapy water and wash the glasses. To this day, if you asked me what kitchen appliance I could easily do without, “Dishwasher!” would be my answer.
Aww, that is so cute!
@JDinNM, My favorite gift from Santa was a laminator. For about a year, I laminated anything and everything in sight. I realized things had gone a bit far when I thought about stealing a restaurant menu just so I could laminate it.
@Lindsey, One Christmas my Dad gave me a tiny little sewing machine (hand operated but it really sewed) and a little miniature greenhouse. I used the sewing machine to make the entire set of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals (Winnie, Eeyore, Piglet, Kanga, Roo and Tigger) for my older sister's first baby. Dad was stunned that little machine could do that! So much fun... But when I had to make my prom dresses, I used my Mother's grownup Singer.
@Lindsey,
That's hilarious!
My son will cut up a rotisserie chicken into large parts - legs, thighs, wings, and breast. Then he places the meat along with the juices in an airtight glass container for storage. This seems to keep the chicken fresher longer than when it’s left in the grocery store packaging. On the other hand, I’m not that disciplined. When I buy a chicken, I store it in whatever it comes in.
On the subject of travel, I do not believe that I have taken a trip in which I have been completely alone. I have traveled to a destination alone where a met up with family members or friends. I have stayed in a hotel alone when attending an event or when visiting family who were space challenged. I have travelled with my husband when he has gone away business. I don’t mind finding things to do during the day while he is working or attending conferences.
I don’t mind being alone in the city and can usually find plenty to do. The one exception to this was when I tagged along on a trip to Las Vegas. DH had a 5-day conference there, and I was bored out of mind.
I’m not really a person who enjoys excess. I get up early and go to bed early. I was a fish out of water on the Las Vegas Strip. I sat by the pool. I window shopped at Chanel, Harry Winston’s and Hermes. I went to an exhibit of Ansel Adam’s work at the gallery in Bellagio. Everything else was either very expensive or not my thing. It was a long 5 days.
Now that my children are grown and I spend more time alone, I get lonely easier. I do miss the kids and the chaos. I don’t think that I would like to take a trip completely alone now. It would be more of the same. However, there was a time in my life when I would have relished the solitude.
@Bee,
Whenever I see pictures from Meet the reader I think: that would be a great place to go! Vegas however does not sound appealing in the least. Like Disneyland, I should add. We live seven train hours from Paris and could have visited Dineyland Paris a number of times as a family. But we never felt like it and our now grown children are actually grateful that we never went to "such a noisy busy expensive place where you have to wait in a line to get sick in rides". We visited lots of castles and historical days (archery!) with them on our holidays and they loved those. Whenever we went to the UK we would buy a two week English Heritage membership, or National Trust depending on the sites we wanted to visit and the activities that were on.
@JNL, Vegas is on my list of places I would least like to go ever. Same with Disneyland (although I would pick that over Vegas).
I love going to National Trust houses whenever I'm home for a visit! I went to a castle yesterday.
I have never been to Vegas, except for flight layovers in the airport, but I feel like I should at least go there one time, just to see what it is like.
@JNL,
“[S]uch a noisy busy expensive place where you have to wait in a line to get sick in rides”. Best description of amusement parks ever!
I do love me a good roller coaster! But the crowds at amusement parks do wear on me, and I will say that the heat at Disney in Florida is enough to do me in. I only appreciated the weather there when we went in January.
Vegas is the worst place on earth. I used to have to go every year for the computer industry conference.
@JNL, Las Vegas is an extremely popular destination with Alaskans who live in the coldest part of the state, many of whom go at Christmas to get out of the cold. I cannot think of a more soulless place to spend a holiday. We drove through there twice and one of the times stopped for a meal, that was enough for me. Although, now that I say that, I get twitchy in every large city---I have this fear that there will be a war and I will not be able to get home and will be stuck in a place with millions of people. We are more than twice the size of Texas and have a total population of about 750,000, much of it concentrated in Anchorage.
@Sophie in Denmark, which castle? (I take it from the National Trust mention that you are British?)
@Lindsey,
I can understand exulting in a totally different climate for a few days - but the flickering lights and blaring noise and (I imagine) the smell of gasoline and tarmac, and the suppressed excitement of so many people - I would dread to go. Rose is fearless but I am not.
@JNL, Vegas doesn't smell like gasoline and tarmac. It smells like liquor and despair.
One time (maaaaany years ago) I decided to stay the New York, New York hotel (it was new) because I thought it would be "funny." There is nothing less funny, turns out, when your window (which of course doesn't open) is tinted purple and there are people on a roller coaster going past.
@Lindsey, Or, you know, as sometimes happens, CLOVERFIELD MONSTERS!
@A. Marie, I am! I went to Berkeley Castle (technically not National Trust but still worth a visit). My parents used to take my sister and I to National Trust places all the time and we complained so much...and now we love them. Their plan worked 😉
@Bee, I turn the rotisserie chicken upside down in the container it came in, put it in the microwave for a brief very low temp reheat and all the juices drop down and rehydrate the breast meat.
@Lindsey, @JNL, @ Rose,
I have zero desire to go to Vegas....the one and only exception would be to see a band I really like in residence at the Sphere (such as when U2 was there). Not even the slightest bit frugal, I know. My sister, brother in law, cousin, and his wife saw The Grateful Dead there, and said it was amazing.
The rail trails around Jim Thorpe are great for walking or biking.
Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway is scenic, but can be tedious. If you take it, under no circumstances upgrade to the first class car, total waste of money and also be aware they have basically no staff or volunteers to police bad behavior of other riders.
Also, JT has a really cute library!
On the topic of recognizing personal growth …
I have this problem myself, but have been working with some cognitive therapy concepts. Right now, I’m working on building healthier habits and losing weight. I recently made a list of unhelpful things I used to do, but are no longer a regular issue. It can be anything from a recent change to something from years ago. Big or small. After my second baby was born, I ate fast food almost every day for lunch and had a very hard time breaking that habit, but I did. More recently, I would snack all evening until a late bedtime, and didn’t have confidence I could stop, but I a couple months later, it’s normal for me to no longer even think about snacking late at night. Even going from rarely eating green veggies to having one serving most days is personal growth. One last thing is to find one thing every day to give yourself credit for like, I went for a walk today when what I really just wanted to veg on the couch. I’ve used this same concept for other topics like paying off credit cards, social progression, etc. It’s helpful for me to recognize I am making progress, even if it’s slow and none linear.
@JenRR,
I find goal setting helps me too. Have you read Atomic Habits?
@Bee, I haven’t, but I think my husband has a copy. I’ll have to look for it.
Back in the days when I traveled more often, my preferred travel companion was, of course, my DH. But I also took some solo trips, including two to London at times when DH couldn't go--and I very much enjoyed those too.
But travel with a large group, even (or maybe especially) with my family of origin or in-laws, never appealed to me. (A good friend of mine had in-laws who insisted on their entire extended family going on a cruise together every other year or so. I'd rather suck on a rope.)
And the urge to travel has left me since (a) the pandemic happened, (b) DH died, and (c) general aging set in. (I believe the Commentariat members in my age group will understand when I say that the older I get, the less spending a night out of my own bed appeals to me.)
This doesn't mean, though, that I don't still greatly enjoy day trips around my own lovely Central NY. On Saturday, I did one such trip that involved two farm stands, two villages, one Salvation Army, one excellent library book sale, one garage sale, and a visit to dear friends. (I'll have more to say about the visit with the friends on Thankful Thursday, since an important issue was discussed.)
And then there's the Jane Austen Society of North America (JASNA) Annual General Meeting (AGM), which is the exception to all my usual rules. I'll be attending my first AGM in 8 long, long years in Cleveland in October, and JASNA BFF, I, and several hundred of our closest friends will be partying like it's 1813!
@A. Marie, I hope you have so much fun at the AGM! Glad you are able to attend!
Ohhh, I'm so delighted you will be getting to go to the AGM this fall. Yay!!!! Good for you.
@A. Marie, "I’d rather suck on a rope." Love it & wholeheartedly agree!! Totally understand wanting to sleep in your own bed as well. Travel since the pandemic has (inexplicably) been much less appealing to me as well.
@A. Marie, I'll be there too! Attended my first last year in Colorado, and had a great time. I plan to sew a new dress for the ball, and will be going with my sister. Maybe I'll see you!
@A. Marie, you might appreciate this story: years ago I went to Bath with a friend for my birthday and we went out for the night, where many drinks were had. The next morning I was walking to the station with more than a hint of a hangover, in the blazing sun, surrounded by people dressed up for the Jane Austen parade! It did not help my headache 😉
@Laurel A, I can practically guarantee that you'll see me. I've happily discovered that I can still squeeze into the servant's costume I wore at the last AGM I attended 8 years ago (DC in 2016). So I'll be the saucy wench parading around among my betters at the banquet and promenade with a galvanized pail in my hand instead of a reticule, inquiring cheekily, "Anyone got any chamber pots they'd like emptied?"
@A. Marie, wouldn't they have said "Slops" in JA's time? Or Gazunder*, but I think that's later than Regency.
*because it gazunger the bed, of course.
@Rose, they probably would have said "slops," but in this case I'll trade being understood for historical accuracy.
@A. Marie, that is wonderful! I look forward to keeping an eye out for you!
I am a camouflaged introvert. My disguise is the class clown/people pleaser facade I put on as a result of being raised in a family of unrecovered alcoholism and mental illness. Even without active disease, there were 8 of us using 1 bathroom! Nature or nurture aside, I LOVE being by myself. I struggle with background or extraneous noise like talking in a movie theatre, background tv chatter, or clashing surprises. Ironically I was a teacher for 35 years. I gave my students a fun loving, slightly chaotic environment because it is best for learning, but I struggled to find the balance of control and free spirit.
For years I lived alone and didn't marry until I was 37. I need days of absolute silence hence my love of backpacking. My husband was wonderful and understood. He would take our boy for the weekend to the farm and I would head to the mountains. I knew they wouldn't eat a fruit or veggies for two days but they would have a happy mom returning.
I learned a ton from the book Quiet. It is an excellent essay on introverts and how society often characterizes us as weak and non competitive. Not true in the least.
@mary ann, this really resonated with me. 1. The class clown because it was so bad at home and 2. objection to noise. When I was a teen all my friends had radios on all the time to listen to pop music. Drove me nuts. I have never owned a radio. My worst nightmare, which I have battled all my life, is music playing in the background in a work environment. My nerves are on edge the entire day. I know there is a medical term for this but it slips my mind right now.
@Anne, sensory overload? I know I suffer from it.
Quiet is such a good book. I wrote about it in my dissertation and how western society generally caters to extroverts.
@Anne, In eighth? grade art class, we had two records to listen to in the classroom where we worked on our projects. They were "You Light Up My Life" and "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights." After a few weeks of listening to them over and over, I got up, grabbed my stuff, and went to an unoccupied classroom. My teacher, who adored me, followed and asked what my problem was. I seethed, "I cannot listen to that garbage music one more second." The teacher left me alone and after that banned music in the class.
@Rose,
I had to laugh when I read this. In the late 90s a book came out called, The Mozart Effect. The belief was that listening to classical music Would temporarily boost IQ scores, increase creativity, And improve focus.
Suddenly, every teacher and my son school was playing music. Unfortunately, It was not necessarily classical music. My son’s third grade teacher played the Eagles’ When Hell Freezes Over CD over and over every single day. I eight- year old son finally had a meltdown and started to cry when she started to play it.
To this day, he will not listen to the Eagles. Like so many things, the devil was in the details. Of course. this teacher traumatized him in many way. It took years of therapy to get over third grade. So sad.
@Bee, God, I hate the Eagles too. I'd probably start start crying too if I had to listen not just to them but also a live album.
My son's third grade teacher not only traumatized him, she traumatized us, his parents. I had no idea any teacher could be such a nasty, rotten, horrible human being. (She was fired a year or two later, after I tranferred my kids from that school.) My son hated school after that and he was and is a naturally very studious person.
Was the Mozart Effect ever proven? I know that kids learning music is very beneficial, which is why my two had private lessons.
If I recall correctly, it was shown to be more of a correlation than a causation. Like...the families that tended to play classical music for their kids also had more money and more access to good education, etc.
@Anne, I feel this way about background noise, too. But especially when there is a TV on at every location, including the hospital waiting room and an oil change dealership. I finally got one of those (now illegal I believe) gizmos that lets me turn off any TV in range. I realize this is selfish but I so totally object to being force fed stuff (usually sports or objectionable political propaganda masquerading as news) that I don't care. People can watch that stuff in the privacy of their own homes instead of inflicting it on others.
I hate being in a waiting room with a TV on too. I purposely try to find a seat that is as far away from the TV as possible.
@Rose, I loved Meat Loaf!
@Lindsey, So did my mom. She had varied tastes--she loved Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, but there were regrettable forays into Meat Loaf and Queen. Dad liked disco and Fleetwood Mac. My sister and I were like, "All you people suck; we're listening to the Clash now."
@Rose, WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!!!! My brain still screams that to myself when I have some sort of speech to give.
@Rose,
My parents were 40 when they had me. I was the bonus baby. My parents listen to jazz and my mother loved Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington. There was occasionally some Glenn Miller played. Lots of show tunes in the house too. Fortunately my sisters were trendy!
@Bee, Ah. My mom was 19 when she had my older brother (see post about Wedding of Shame) and 21 when she produced me. When I got her Roger Waters' autograph at a Hamptons party, I noted that she and Roger were the same age. Mr. Waters nicely humored me. (That was the snootiest party I've ever been to. Everyone but me was a celebrity and it was at Cindy Sherman's house.)
@Anne,
This I found from The Cleveland Clinic
Misophonia
Misophonia is a disorder where you have a decreased tolerance to specific sounds and things you can sense related to them. While it doesn’t yet have official recognition as a distinct disorder, experts still recognize it. There’s now a formal consensus definition for research purposes, and for diagnosing and treating it.
I can’t listen to wind chimes, people in my exercise class singing along to songs, or my husband tapping the steering wheel to the radio.
@Rose, @Lindsey,
I'm a fan of all the bands Rose just mentioned, including The Clash. I know alll the words to "The Magnificent Seven". Heh. No Disco, though.
@mary ann, so interesting! When I’m in the car, either alone or with someone, if I’m going to listen to the radio, I want it loud enough I can really hear it. My husband will turn the radio on so softly that it becomes background noise, my anxiety level goes up, and I get super cranky. I always end up turning it off!
Years ago, I used to play a radio in my special education classroom. One, it was meant to help the students adjust to the possibility of background music in a work environment; two, it brought peers voluntarily into my classroom to hang out as no other teacher played a radio in class. I told my paraprofessional I couldn’t tolerate “hard/acid rock.” It would make me crazy in under 3 minutes. One day I came back into the classroom after having been out on some errand in the school. In about 3 minutes I was “crazy.” My aide looked at me, fessed up she hadn’t really believed me about the hard rock, so put it on as an experiment … it was really low, so I didn’t realize what was playing. She apologized and after that there was never any hard rock in the classroom.
@Lindsey, wow, I could walk through life with one of those gizmos in my pocket, secretly silencing the intrusive world. I love this idea.
I was looking at your photos and wondering if you are missing a bobbin by any chance? lol
Hehe, you saw my little bobbin thief in the background. 😉
@Kristen, I see a kids' book here: "The Bobbin Thief: The Adventures of Chiquita." (Add this to the list of books I've been urging @Lindsey for years to write about her dogs.)
I feel like there could be a whole series about Chiquita!
@A. Marie,
Or Chiquita could have her own Instagram account. 🙂
I was so happy to read that Lisey is already saving for retirement. Starting our savings young is what set my husband and myself up for a comfortable retirement, even though we never made six-figure salaries.
I am a true introvert, so I enjoy traveling alone, though I enjoy going with my husband or a friend also.
I will always remember that when her little 16 year old self called to set it up, the guy on the other end said, "I've never had a call from someone born in 2001 before." lol
@Kristen, that just made me feel really old lol. I wasn't an adult in 2001 but I clearly remember the year!
Hehe, well, I was married and having babies by then, so you are still young compared to me. 😉
@Kristen, at least the financial person didn't tell her she was too young to worry about retirement. I was 21 when I was told that.
Yes, that is good! Never too early to start.
I have not heard the term “ambivert” before, I feel like that’sa much better description for how I feel now in my 40s!
In my 20s, I did live alone for almost 2 years, during which I discovered that is NOT sustainable for me - I then sought out roommates until I got married. If something were to happen to my spouse and my adult kids were no longer living at home, I would absolutely find a roommate (a couple local friends have already volunteered!).
That said, I absolutely love traveling alone. I love being able to eat what I want when I want, do what I want, and change plans without needing to check in with anyone else. My spouse and I travel very well together, but I also love my occasional solo trips.
I especially love solo bike trips, though I haven’t done any solo overnight ones yet!
As for the chicken: pull it off the bones before storing, and cover in a little broth. Keep in mind that cold chicken can LOOK dry even when it’s not because the fat & liquids solidify in cold (the gelatin present in the juices), and how you reheat it affects how dry it then is when heated (add liquid, don’t overheat or you’ll essentially overcook it).
In general, I use leftover chicken as-is (cold) or reheat it gently in some kind of sauce.
Do not keep the chicken in the store container as I don’t think the air is kept out as well as a storage container, hence dry chicken.
I’m currently going through a divorce after 40 years of marriage
I’ve already planned multiple trips alone and with friends and also other couples.
It wouldn’t be my first choice to do it alone, but needs must and I can do this (little inner pep talk!)
I'm so sorry to hear that you are walking this road, AND also I am so proud of you for planning travels anyway. Good for you!
@Vallie D, It'll do you a lot of good. My friends whisked me away about six months after my ex left and we had a fabulous time swimming, getting facials, eating and drinking too much, and best of all, throwing darts at a photo of my ex they had blown up.
@Rose,
My BFF is freshly divorced, and now I'm thinking we need to do the throw-darts-at-photo-of-ex the next time we get together. Genius!
For the chicken, try storing it breast-side down, so the juices and fats tend toward the breast instead of away.
I prefer traveling alone or in small groups; my least favorite is a pre-arranged tour. I like getting to know where I visit and talking with the people who live there. The more people I travel with, the less local I get. Where I go also matters; its very important in Cuba, less so in Paris.
Traveling Alone. Ah the joy of this exercise in self care! One of the best trips I have ever taken was spending two weeks in the Florida Keys all on my own. This was after a time of wounds, healing, lots of therapy, lots of healing. Did I mention healing? I was in between jobs and I remember finding the sweetest little room in a bed & breakfast called the nun's room. I chuckled at that one. It was literally a small little room with a bed, one chair and a dresser. The bath was shared but I was the only one there so it was all mine.
I had endless days to beach comb, eat whatever I wanted, window shop, talk with people, pet all the cats in Key West, hang out with a pelican all day on a sandbar - I named him Walter by the way. It was lovely.
This trip gave me so much time with my own thoughts, journal, read, listen to music and be mindful of myself. It was bliss and I would take the opportunity again in a minute if I could.
I think there is a difference in being lonely and choosing to recharge one's batteries by choice with time away on your own. I am an extrovert but I am one that needs times of quiet introspection to recharge. I hope Walter is well.
@Angie, petting all the cats in Key West must have taken a large part of your two weeks. (I remember all the cats at Hemingway's house when DH and I visited there!) But I'm glad that you had such a good and beneficial stay there. And I remember Florida pelicans with considerable nostalgia.
I had to google Jim Thorpe, which is funny, because I grew up in Pennsylvania. I usually travel with husband and kids. But last year, we both started traveling alone-ish. Meaning, spouse went to his parents' (they are divorced) 80th birthdays with our younger child. Two separate x-country trips.
I went on a camping trip to Moab Utah with a bunch of used-to-be-strangers. And it was FAB. Husband wants to come this year, but we have a 12 yo in school. So, not gonna happen. Maybe next year. What I liked about traveling solo:
1. Sleeping sideways in the king sized bed in the hotel stops to/from Utah.
2. 100% control over the play list in the car
3. Only one person's bladder to deal with.
4. No food stops - I don't eat gluten, so eating out is a pain. I ate protein bars and apples.
5. No complaining.
6. Camping (kids hate it)
7. No need to feed everyone - most of the camping part of the trip, I had overnight oats, instant coffee, cheese sticks, nuts, protein bars, apples, carrots, and some canned beans and dolmas. Boring? Maybe. Easy? Yep.
8. Hiking (kids hate it).
9. No decisions, aside from "what is everyone doing today, and who am I going to join?"
@Marcia, Last week I received a card from a friend that said, "I love you because you have never once uttered the phrase, 'Let's go camping.'"
@Lindsey, ha ha ha ha!! That's funny. I like camping, but about 3-4 nights on a cot is my limit. My 54 year old joints can only take so much.
Completely random question: did you give your cat a bobbin to keep her occupied while you sewed? She looks very intent on it! I do that with my cat "here, play with this for a moment so I can get this task done."
Noooo, she just saw an opportunity and took it. Which is how she approaches all of life. 😉
@Kristen, so kitty!
I've gotten dry rotisserie chickens everywhere except our local Sam's Club - which is odd because my grandmother used to have much better luck with every rotisserie chicken that she got!
Anyway, my remedy is to put the pieces in a shallow plate, drizzle oil over it, add a tablespoon or 2 of water, cover and microwave (not too long) - works 99% of the time!
Also, I agree 100% with solo traveling. I enjoy being with people - sometimes...
But I also (mostly) enjoy solitude, so I look forward to some time to myself. Some of my favorite trips have been the solo ones!
I went to a Catholic grade school where they introduced us to banking , savings, compound loans interest, this was late 1960’s.
Switched to public school for the remainder years and was introduced to home-ec and really enjoyed sewing outfits to wear. Even a ski jacket (it was lime fabric with yellow zippers)
Luckily, have a few valuable friends that enjoy ski, hike, water that make for great vacations and sharing costs.
I was sitting here eating my lunch of leftover rotisserie chicken while reading this, LOL. It was a bit dry but I found microwaving it just a short time seems to help it moisten back up a bit.
As for traveling alone, I love it! I get to pick the music and the audiobooks and go at my own pace. If a day isn't working out exactly how I expected, there's always the freedom to take some down time or find a coffee shop. However, the overwhelming majority of my travel is for backpacking. I love doing that alone as well, though. I also enjoy trips with friends. Definitely an introvert, and also homeschooled my five kids when they were younger, so I may be catching up on lost time alone. My husband was often gone, being military, so I had plenty of time alone with the kids which translated to lots to do.
As I was reading your comments, Kristen, I thought you were talking about me! I definitely go back-and-forth between wanting to be around a lot of people and enjoying that, but I definitely definitely need my alone time so that I can re-energize. I have alone time even if it is for 10 minutes daily, and usually on the weekends I try to get an hour or two. Sometimes just driving around in the car by myself, lots of times at a library or a coffee shop or going to the movies by myself. I have traveled by myself, and although it might’ve been a little awkward at first because it was a new thing to me, I really really love it and continue to whenever I have the opportunity!
Twinsies!
I really enjoy traveling alone. It allows me to do my trip exactly how i want eat. Great company is good too. But i value a good trip alone. I really value my alone time and its when i do alot of self work.
As far as for the rotisserie chicken, i know sometimes the containers have holes in them to to let heat out. So maybe try putting the left over chicken in a air tight container?
R
I would love if there was a frugal girl weekend get together group in the mid Atlantic area. All at everyone's own expense.
Thanks for your answers, Kristen! I wonder if I would like cooking as much as I do now if I had cooking classes in school. Official classes might have destroyed all my interests in experimenting with food. 🙂
I enjoy eating by myself on a restaurant at times, and also have no problems with solo travel. I’m not quite as extreme as my sister in
Law, who has hiked the entirety of the Pacific Crest Trail AND the Appalachian trail solo!
A great way to reheat rotisserie chicken is on a covered vessel, like a Dutch oven ( I have an aged La Crueset) I’d warm it at 350 for 20-30 minutes. Very moist!
Got to the party late and I tell you it has been an enlightening, thoughtful and sometimes hilarious read.
Kristen, I don't know when you did it, but I like your new identifying photo to the blog.
I prefer to travel alone or with one other person. I can also tag along on a planned trip. That said, I will preview the adventure for opportunities and activities off of the beaten path or search for more in depth activities on the beaten path. One such adventure in Flagstaff, (our base for the Grand Canyon South Rim) was the Riordan House. Such an interesting place to visit. I do this even with closer trips and more local places. It's fun to find good basic restaurants, boutiques, or even thrift stores, gardens, museums and such.
I took home ec. The best part for me was learning to sew. It is a skill that I can use to this day. In fact, I have only one "store bought" scrub top. Yes, some decidedly look homemade, I have a cutesy, little cowboy, cowgirl print with cream background that just screamed for red rickrack. Some are of beautiful floral fabric and many are seasonal. I like to give our residents some pretty or interesting visuals. The horses never fail to gain compliments. I cannot make scrub pants and have learned which brands fit my short, plump frame with minimal or no hemming. We did cooking, too, but I was already way ahead of the field with that skill in our big family. Cleaning and chores was a given. We did not go over finances which probably would have been the greatest benefit. My parents stayed afloat but were not money managers at all. I am more than grateful their lives came to a close without debt. I am working (literally, at 72) for my life to close in the same way. I do have good life insurance.
Thank you, everyone for a good read today.
@Chrissy, I have never made scrub pants but I assume they're no different from any other fairly loose fitting, elastic waist pants? I'd be happy to offer you tips if you like--I find loose pants like that almost as easy as an elastic waist skirt. Or, you know, maybe this is a problem that doesn't need solving, heh.
Wow! I was looking up Jim Thorpe last night cause the train company had a big ad in my Sunday paper. Don't know if dh and I will go but it's an idea.
I looooooove traveling alone! Always an Airbnb with a kitchen - I take myself out to lunch and a cook dinner at “home” which is not only frugal but safer - avoiding being out alone after dark.
And to another poster’s comment on alone vs lonely, I completely agree! I rarely feel lonely when I am alone, but can feel lonely in a group sometimes.
Personally I love travelling alone, I did a 2 month trip around Europe by myself in my mid-20’s. I’m also partial to going to shows and exhibits by myself. I find that way I can fully immerse myself in the experience and make my own schedule.
I called it home ick class when I was in school. Playing in the HS band in Jr high allowed me to avoid a six week jail sentence of home ick class. Avoided it totally in HS - time better spent in math classes even though an A in advance math was weighted the same as an A in home ick class. In other words, no weighted classes back in the day.
Solitude - I cannot say enough good things about it. IMHO, there is a huge difference between traveling and vacation. It is not my idea of time away from the W-2 job when there is an itinerary for entire days worth of time. May as well be at work going to meetings. I don't mind some planned events but not the whole freakin' day. I would not mind going to Martha's Vineyard. BUT not for, as better half said, "a day". I'd probably have more fun playing blackjack in Vegas with what lodging alone in MV would cost us for a day.
It doesn't bother me to not leave my house. During Covid, my out of house time was mostly checking up on elderly relatives (in person) once a week. Stay at home was not a hardship for me (and no, I did not fill time online shopping).
Super late to the party … (time zone difference). I had freshman home ec (1 year required) in high school in the 60’s. Then we moved to another state and my new HS required 2 years of Home Ec. There were no options my junior year, but my senior year I could take Home Ec. However, it was offered at the same time as the advanced trig and calculus class, which as a college-bound student I really wanted to take. It took a special vote of the school board to reduce my requirement for home ec to 1 year and allow me to graduate.
I was the only girl in that advanced math class! And, I represented our school at an academic contest in math and placed in the top 10% of the state. We’ve come a long way, baby!
@PNW Casey, yes we have and still have farther to go.
Traveling alone? YES PLEASE! I do it often, and it's just FINE with me. I don't have to worry about what somebody else wants to do/eat. I can go to bed and get up whenever. It's very FREEING!
My first trip traveling alone was a trip to Ireland and Scotland.I was in my early 40's and fairly recently divorced.This was in 1993. My ex husband said I would be killed, murdered and raped.I took that as a dare and a challenge and booked the trip, having never been anywhere out of the US or Canada, and growing up in a small town. I did go on some singles web sights and contacted a few people saying I was looking for a local who knew the areas I wanted to go and I was not looking for romance.I had never been on a big commercial airplane and had no idea to get where I was going to get on the plane and I was at JFK International , which was a zoo. I saw a group of guys, one had long blonde hair and I figured out if I followed them I would get to where I needed to be . So I followed them in and out of record stores, carefully keeping an eye on the guy with long blonde hair, until we got to the terminal and they met Darius Rucker of Hootie and the Blowfish. I had been following the drummer, who had long blonde hair. I ended up meeting them as they were going to Dublin to play a concert. When I arrived in Dublin I was met by a local man from Dublin, about my age.He said his mother insisted that he should come and help me. At that point I was a little concerned, thinking what am I doing ? He said he would help me find my Air B and B.The English they speak in Ireland in not the same as the US. I had a car and I was planning to drive. We left the airport, me following him in my own car. Then as I was pulling out I saw the first round about I ever saw in my life and panic set in. I was clueless as to what to do , after sitting there a few minutes in confusion, and people looking at me like I was crazy, I finally followed and he did indeed get me to my B and B, which was way across town, and Dublin is a big town. He ask if I wanted to see some sights the next day and I said yes.We went to Powerscourt gardens the next day and it was one of the most beautiful gardens I have ever seen ,with 300 year old trees and saw a big open tent with drinks and food and we went in, and got a drink. We did not realize we crashed a party until someone came and said it's time to go the busses are here, oops. It was a big open tent on the grounds with no one around. I did end up meeting his family and they were wonderful people and a Catholic family. I had a night tour of the scenic views in Dublin and went to several pubs.I ended up staying with them for a night. I eventually left Dublin to see other areas and I met another person in a pub who was Protestant, after talking to him I learned so much about the religious differences in the country. The Protestants do not go tho the pubs, he went here to meet me, as it was a convenient location. Going on from there, when went out to eat, I would look at other couples waiting to be seated and if they weren't looking lovey dovey ask if I could share a table for company and I would pay my own bill. No one refused and I met some really interesting people. I flew to Glasgow and went clubbing with my friends sister and had a great time. It turned out to be a great trip and learning experience and I am very comfortable traveling alone. I know someone was watching over me. I proved my ex husband wrong, and it gave me more confidence in my self than anything will ever do. When you really go out of your comfort zone, I believe it makes you stronger.I look back fondly on that trip.It was a crazy thing to do, but it worked out very well.