I was gonna do a Tightwad Gazette post...
But that requires too much thinking. And my brain is so tired from exam-studying, I need to write something that takes a minimum of mental effort.
So you know what's coming: MISCELLANY. 😉
I have my final exam today at 10 am, but I'm meeting a classmate at school at 7 am to help her study.
By somewhere around 11:30 today, I should be done, done, done with third semester. YAY!
And I think they will release the final exam grades pretty fast, so perhaps at some point today I will have my grade for the class. We can hope, because I am always on pins and needles to find out how I did.
The year of the underconsumer
This article from The Cut discusses the year's version of frugality; now it's called under-consumption!
(I will say, "The Underconsumption Girl" does not have the same ring to it as "The Frugal Girl". I have no plans to rebrand.)
I don't really care what we call it; I am just happy with a trend that celebrates buying less.
Because as the article says, no one needs 34 Stanley cups. 😉
I hope it keeps being cool to under-consume!
Wanna know something dumb I did?
I got a free ticket for a Christmas concert at the symphony in the big city, for a Sunday afternoon, before my third exam. I got dressed, drove there, and when I approached the symphony hall, I thought, "Hmm, this is weird. Usually there are more cars backed up here."
And thennnnnn I realized I got my weeks mixed up. The concert was scheduled for the 8th, not the 1st!
Whoops.
Luckily I had loaded up a bunch of nursing podcast episodes before my drive, so the time in the car was at least not a waste of exam prep time. 🙂
And I did go this past Sunday, on the right date, at the right time, at the right place.
I switched my health insurance
I only have to have insurance through my state marketplace for probably another six months or so. But I am so done with United Healthcare.
I switched to Blue Cross, Blue Shield, and I hope it will be slightly better.
BCBS at least has a better reputation, and the cost was only marginally higher. And it'll be worth it if I have less frustration.
"Now that I'm getting older"
Have you ever thought about how funny this phrase is? We say, "Well, now that I'm getting older, I can't ___", or, "Now that I'm getting older, I feel ____".
And I think this is funny because...when in our lives are we ever not getting older?
We have literally been getting older since the day we were born!
Adults make poor beginners
When I used to teach piano lessons, I noticed something interesting about adult students. They often were much harder on themselves than my younger students; they expected to be good at playing the piano much faster than was reasonable (and much faster than my grade-school students expected).
I think this is part and parcel of being an adult learner; it's hard being an inept beginner!
When you are a kid, honestly you are just used to being pretty terrible at everything. You expect to be at a kid level, and you don't think something's wrong with you for failing to reach pro level in 9 months.
Kids accept that they will be in-process with things for a long time.
But when we are adults, it's a lot harder to have that attitude, and I have noticed that about myself when it comes to learning Spanish!
So, I'm trying to remember my adult piano students; they needed to be patient with themselves, and I need to do the same with my Spanish-speaking skills.
Talk to me! Have you ever struggled as an adult learner? And how do you feel about identifying as an underconsumer?
(Any other topic here is fair game too, of course.)
We live an under-consumption life by choice because we care about the environment and don't want clutter in our lives. The fact that we spend less and can afford to be generous to others is another facet of it. I hope it is more than just a current trend and that others find contentment in that way of life.
@K D, I agree wholeheartedly with your approach. I just wish it didn't cause small businesses to vaporize while the giant cheap stores proliferate. Seems there is a downside to everything.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
You are right about the downside. When we eat out we patronize local restaurants. It is a way to spend money without adding clutter to the world. I get my haircut at a small salon where the stylists rent the use of a chair. I attend yoga classes at a locally owned studio. I try to do what I can about the big, bad giants.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
I know what you mean. I do my best to support our local businesses, but a lot of the local businesses in my area are gift shops, or boutique-type clothing stores geared toward younger, hipper (and, ahem, smaller) people than me. I do shop those stores when looking for gifts (I have young, hip nieces, lol).
I think this is one of my strengths; I don't expect to be instantly good at things and know I can't be good at everything. I can potentially learn anything (if I had infinite time) but I'm not going to be good at everything...and that's okay. One of the reasons I love yoga is because it's about being in the moment and breathing, not about getting the posture 'perfect'. Because nothing in life is.
For many years now, on the advice of my therapist, I have kept on my schedule something I like to call my Crap Hobby. This is an activity that I enjoy, but am terrible at - I have done several, changing it up to suit my life, including rock climbing, showjumping, painting, gardening, etc. The idea is to have something in your life where there is no expectation of excellence, and it turns out that there is great joy in getting infinitesimally better at something you are still objectively no good at. With no expectation of being able to paint a masterpiece, I can still have fun messing around with paint, and it turns out I am happy to hang my crap landscape on my wall because when I look at it, I see not a terrible painting, but the triumph I felt in finally producing a swan that vaguely resembles a swan.
I love that idea!
@Jules the First, oo, I love the idea of a general category of “crap hobby”!
@Jules the First, I have one of those (and I am adopting the term "crap hobby" for it immediately): playing the pennywhistle. I try to confine this to the winter months so as not to disturb the neighbors with it--but Betty the cat flees to another part of the house the minute she sees me open the drawer where I keep my whistles!
@Jules the First, I love this idea too, thank you! I especially like the idea of giving myself permission to try one thing and then move on to another...
@Jules the First,
I'm a lot like that. I tell my husband that I keep getting myself into situations that I volunteer for and then feel I'm the least qualified person in the room, but I've made some good friends doing it. People don't feel threatened by me!
@Jules the First, you sound like a remarkably healthy person in body and mind. What a great approach to life!
@Jules the First, I LOVE the crap hobby!! That’s gunna stick with me for sure…. Thanks for sharing!
@Jules the First, My crap hobby is playing the accordion. I am amazingly bad at it.
@Lindsey, let's do a long-distance duet sometime: you on the accordion and me on the pennywhistles!
@A. Marie, @Lindsey - please record it to share with us.
@A. Marie,
The word "pennywhistle" makes me think of the Monkees song, written by Mike Nesmith, "Fading Through the Door Into Summer..."
IIRC, part of the lyrics are: "...He thought he heard the echo of a pennywhistle band,
And the laughter from a gypsy caravan..."
It was a cool song with the amazing lyrics that characterize Nesmith's work. I think the Monkees were really underrated in many areas -- classic comedy and singing and pop music among them.
Even if the "Wrecking Crew" (professional studio musicians) played the instruments on their early recordings....the same was true of many other '60s bands who didn't get dissed for not playing their own instruments. Why the Monkees were singled out for this is beyond me.
(The Wrecking Crew were top-notch Los Angeles musicians who played on many American bands' and solo artists' recordings. Their musical contributions went uncredited so they were anonymous to the public... but their ranks included Glen Campbell...)
Anyway, thanks for the memories and enjoy your playing; maybe they make cat earplugs, LOL!
@WilliamB, be careful what you wish for. It may send you screaming into the void. 😀
@Jules the First,
I... I may have found my new years resolution.
@Jules the First,
I love this! I've tried many things I'm terrible at, yet they give me lots of joy in doing them.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Have you watched the documentary about the Wrecking Crew? It's fantastic! There's a woman bass guitarist (whose name escapes me at the moment) who was part of it - she was an amazing musician!
@Fru-gal Lisa, https://www.walmart.com/ip/The-Wrecking-Crew-DVD-Magnolia-Home-Ent-Music-Performance/48744906?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=101183744&adid=22222222222000000000&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=e&wl1=o&wl2=c&wl3=10352200394&wl4=pla-1103028060075&wl5=&wl6=&wl7=&wl10=Walmart&wl11=Online&wl12=48744906_10001203105&wl14=wrecking%20crew%20dvd&veh=sem&gclid=e1441929bfe91f3545977e72bd8ef8d9&gclsrc=3p.ds&msclkid=e1441929bfe91f3545977e72bd8ef8d9
Denny Tedesco directed it.
@Liz B., Carol Kaye
I hope the under consumption trend doesn't end. For once in my life, I'm trendy!!!!lol
@Michelle Gree,
Lol, who knew? 🙂
I don't like the term "under consumer." That implies that the baseline is something ridiculous like buying multiple Stanley cups. It sounds negative, like underachiever. 🙂
Anyway, I'm so far under, I'm off the chart entirely. I went to a total of three different stores yesterday--Tractor Supply, a dollar store, and the grocery store--when we were in town yesterday for a dentist appointment and it was really not fun for me. Two hours of shopping was way too much. I dislike getting in and out of the car; in and out of stores; and getting my wallet in and out. And then loading, unloading, and finding places for yet more things does not make me happy. I am not the happy little consumer, for sure.
I wasn't a very good kid learner, I'm afraid, because I did not like doing anything that wasn't a natural strength. I am still not good as an adult with this.
P.S. Your piano music reminded me of something. E-mail incoming . . .
@kristin @ going country, Agreed with your first comment about "underconsumer". Their baseline isn't the same as mine! I am comfortable with my own ideas of what is important enough to spend money on.
@Heidi Louise,
Maybe we could call the un-underconsumers what they are....suckers for advertising! Or, in today's world, suckers for TikTok influencers....
@Fru-gal Lisa, Or maybe if "un" follows the rule of double negatives, it means the "un"s cancel each other out and makes us achievers!
I am a recovering perfectionist.
As a kid & teen, I frequently DID expect to be almost instantly good at things, because that was my reality, especially for academics (I retain a lot of what I read without especially effort, my brain is VERY good at pattern recognition which makes things like math & science relatively easy, and I read a LOT, which makes English classes pretty easy because I can quickly recognize good writing, my own or others).
When I would bump up against something that took a lot more work, like foreign languages (pattern recognition doesn’t work well for language, and memorization isn’t my strong suit!), it was HARD! Was something wrong with me? Was I just really bad at this subject & should quit (no, I just needed to actually learn study skills!)?
This all came to a head last year when I was remodeling my daughter’s bedroom, and got completely paralyzed in building a window seat. The whole project was supposed to be done by the time school started in August. I finally went to therapy in October, because I had plenty of time but just couldn’t do it.
Finished in December, then started nursing pre-reqs in January.
That work in therapy to get that project done has been huge, to just get started and work on things, knowing I’ll make mistakes & learn from them.
I’ve finally internalized your comment: “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good!”
@EngineerRN, or, as my DH used to say, "Done is better than perfect."
@EngineerRN, your starting point reminds me of how many gifted kids come acropper: they're so used to school being easy that when it gets hard (and it always gets hard eventually) they don't have the study skills/grit to use instead of their natural ability. I'm forever grateful that my comeuppance happened relatively young (suddenly I was surrounded by kids like me but much smarter and quicker in the uptake than I) and in an otherwise awesome environment (I was surrounded by kids...), that it was a learning experience and not a crisis.
Congratulations on reaching that realization. Sounds like it took a lot of hard work on your part and you should be proud of the achievement.
That is SO true. And it's why I feel lucky in a way that I have always been a person who has to work really hard and consistently to do well. I have never had to experience the painful thud of failure from hitting a wall.
Like with piano; I did well at it, but only with days, weeks, months, years, decades of faithful practice.
@EngineerRN, I can completely relate to this. When I was young, I did well academically with little effort, just using above average deductive skills. As I got older, and certain subjects got more difficult, it was hard to readjust my mindset. As a perfectionist, I also felt I needed to be good at something immediately or I’d give up, thinking I couldn’t do it. Athleticism never came naturally to me and I never took any type of sports related lessons due to embarrassment of not being as good as others.
Getting older, I have actually become a more accepting learner, especially with athletics. I think I’ve gotten better at not needing to be good at something to enjoy it.
@EngineerRN, ahem, yes, I recognize myself somewhere in there. I had to learn how to fail at things in adulthood, and had to develop a proper work ethic in adulthood.
I was so incredibly proud of how I studied for my Big Licensing Exam last year; it was too big to procrastinate and I faithfully studied several times a week for months and months. It's probably the hardest I've ever worked on a single task. For me, the fact that I made myself stare down all the material I didn't know week after week, was something I could not do without dissolving into tears when I was in high school. Growth!
@EngineerRN, When my oldest child (now 10yo) was in second grade, her teacher encouraged us to put her in things that are really hard for her. She's smart and school is her jam, so her teacher advised that she participate in things that give her a chance to learn how to fail while she's still a kid so she doesn't freak out when she gets to college and has to face something hard for the first time.
@WilliamB, what saved me from crashing & burning in college was taking Spanish in high school! I had to really work at that class (with a good teacher and lots of family support - my mom would quiz me if I asked), but I couldn’t quit because my high school required 3 years of a foreign language to get an honors diploma (which of course my little gifted heart Really Wanted).
So when I did bump up against challenging courses in my undergrad program, I had a decent collection of study skills to fall back on.
Good luck on your test today! You've got this!
As I have gotten older, I have realized that being a lifelong learner, and being intellectually curious in general, means frequently being bad at things.
Both things - lifelong learning and intellectual curiosity - involving dealing with things new to you. Frequently. So you either need to get used to it or you need to stop being these things.
I have also noticed that the more confident a person is, the more comfortable they are in being bad at things.
This has an interesting corollary: if you see someone trying something new or doing something poorly,, they're probably good at a lot of things. Just not the thing they're doing right now.
@WilliamB, this is really insightful and interesting to me. It causes me to ask the question: why are some people confident and how can people gain confidence?
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Comments about confidence made me think of internal and external motivations.
I have almost no internal motivation. Do not necessarily like that, yet it isn't a self-correcting condition.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I think there are multiple answers depending on the person. Some just done care if - outside their professional areas - others look down on you for being bad at it.
For others it depends on the audience: they may care what colleagues think but not what random strangers in a class think.
For others, knowing you're good at several things makes you less insecure about being bad at the new thing. This is usually me.
I'm also aware that attitude makes a difference. I once found myself playing golf at a work conference, a sport I had literally never played before. I laughed at myself a lot and didn't get upset, and followed the cardinal rule of Being Bad at Something in Public: do it quickly and let the competent have their time.
I was just talking with a classmate today about how I don't mind getting an answer wrong even in a classroom of 130 people; I figure I will learn from it and so will all the other people in the class. 🙂
I like your corollary; I'm gonna ponder that.
@Kristen, @William B, maybe one's goal determines one's ability to withstand public "failure". If one's goal is to learn rather than to show off or save face, then public wrongness is irrelevant.
@Heidi Louise, it’s not self-correcting, but it is something that can be done (learning to become more internally motivated). I think a lot of it is tied to having a realistic-but-supportive inner voice, and a supportive social network that celebrates with you when you ask/share.
I was the kind of person who thrived on external praise, but was VERY hard on myself (my inner voice was very unkind for decades, starting when I was about 10, despite a very loving & supportive family).
I actually threw out my journals from high school and college about 10 years ago because when I went back to re-read them, there was no nostalgia, just incredible compassion for how hard I was on myself. No one deserves to be spoken to that way, whether in person or in their head.
Years of living with my very supportive spouse, of healing my relationship with my body, and showing myself through experience that I can fail & be bad at things, and the world still does not end (and sometimes gets a lot better!) - all that has shifted my motivation needle to be much more internal.
It’s not entirely internal - I still do need someone close to me to give me gentle kudos & appreciation regularly (see supportive spouse!), but I no longer need Everyone to approve of what I do - I have confidence in my own compass and decision-making, and I celebrate myself, sometimes alone, when I accomplish something that was hard for me!
@EngineerRN, Thank you for sharing your wonderful story of your change!
I love learning new things, learning new facts, learning new skills. I was never an athlete to my disappointment and shame. In the village where I grew up, intellectual giftes and artistic inclinations were definitely valued lower than athletic achievements. I've had a lifelong struggle with perfectionism and the insecurity and stress it causes. "Perfect is the enemy of good" was always something I read and heard (and repeated), but did not fully realize. I now sometimes pat myself on the back for allowing myself to be (somewhat) late, or (somewhat) unprepared, or sending something out for review that I haven't been brooding on and revising for a full week.
@JNL,
Or posting a response with a typo in it 😉
@JNL, I too love learning new things, but NOT athletic things. The years of humiliation in PE, the pity and scorn as an adult when trying athletic things—awful. Team sports where my failures affect other people are just unbearable to me. I have found athletic endeavors to be the most heavily criticized when one isn't good, and I like the newfound adult freedom to simply say, "I don't like or play Sportsball". Now I have real physical limitations, but keep doing whatever I can do by myself.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I'm another one for whom gym class was one long vale of tears. It's no accident that the two outdoor activities I like best in late adulthood--walking and gardening--are essentially solo but can be shared with the occasional congenial other person.
@A. Marie, I hate team sports (clumsy and never cared if we won or not) but I love individual activity, like yoga, swimming and running 🙂
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
I also was among the last to be picked in gym class. I am only a fair athlete, and I am just not competitive by nature. Dodgeball and basketball just never interested me. However, I am and always have been an absolute fish. I swam the mile for club teams. As an adult, I have found things that I am good at. But I’m not sure that I have ever completely gotten over PE class.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, My gym nightmare: climbing that rope to the ceiling, while everyone in the class stares at you failing.
@A. Marie, exacatacally my thoughts!
@Lindsey,
OMG, YES. Humiliating. 《Shudder》I was always the last chosen for any group sport/team sport. Softball was AWFUL and gave me stress nightmares. If I somehow managed to hit the ball, the pitcher would catch it, wait a few seconds, and then toss it to the first baseman to tag me "out". Meanwhile, I was running as fast as I could (not fast enough) to try and make first base before I was "out". Awful, awful.
@Liz B., I tripped over first base and scraped up my face.
@Lindsey, yes, and the swinging from one ring to the next. No upper body strength whatsoever.
@Lindsey, oh, yes!!!!
Kristen, I hope Blue Cross Blue Shield is a better option for you. BC/BS is the primary insurance in our state so almost all doctors and hospitals accept it. Recently our hospital quit taking United Healthcare that caused quite a mess for a lot of people. That decision has since been rescinded.
I got a laugh out of "no one needs 34 Stanley cups" as my SIL often teases DD about how many of these cups she has!
I tend to be very hard on myself if I cannot learn or master something quickly. I need to learn to give myself grace more in the area.
Like Kristin@GoingCountry, I don't like the "underconsumption" label. It implies everybody should be consuming at a certain level. That just isn't the case, especially if we look around the world and especially if we want to be good stewards of the planet. If we need a trendy label, I go for "minimalist" - as a goal, anyway.
As far as adult learning, I'm a lot more forgiving to myself now than when I was younger. I was a terrible kid piano student because my mind wanted to progress much faster than my fingers. I'm working on Spanish now too and am trying really hard to just let it take as long as it takes. It's hard to do. Perfectionism is the thief of joy, especially in things that are a process, like language learning and learning to play an instrument.
Learning new technology does not come easy to me. Even if my phone updates, I struggle for awhile. Work upgrades are also hard for me. I do learn it, but not quickly. It is hard to give myself grace when the young whippersnappers do not struggle at all. I jokingly tell myself WELL I CAN READ AND WRITE CURSIVE BEAUTIFULLY.
@Stephanie, some day cursive will be a private language among the oldsters.
Kinda like how if you have a stick shift car, you are more immune to car theft. 😉
@Stephanie, those young whippersnappers 😉 do struggle, you just don't get to see it. Some of teens classmates/friends don't have a clue about time management (outside of school) or even shopping & laundry let alone cooking & money management. Many adults don't have some of these skills.
And yes, they don't know how to read or write cursive which is so sad. Teen used to write cursive in middle school but high school is printing (again). I encourage teen to cursive write signature instead of print because then anyone can easily do.
@Stephanie,
I stopped at a bakery in a nearby town to pick up a dozen of their delicious donuts. To be helpful, I listed what I wanted on a piece of scratch paper. I was dumbfounded when the young man at the drive thru window casually stated that he couldn't read cursive!!! I know I am a senior citizen, but when did they stop teaching this in school?!
@Tamara in Illinois, I know, right? Not being able to write it is one thing but not being able to read it is a real liability.
@Tamara in Illinois, @Stephanie,
I had heard that cursive was being phased out and think this is unfortunate say the least.
BUT, are you telling me that young ones can’t write their own name in a signature, meaning cursive?! So they print their name and it’s a signature? Couldn’t anyone copy that?
@Tamara in Illinois,
Our engineering interns shift in their seats, wipe their sweaty palms on their slacks, and practice once or twice before they sign their names in cursive on the company Christmas card. I would hate to see them attempt to write a short essay in cursive. My grandchildren are at least attempting to learn cursive, thankfully.
All of our founding documents and most vintage records, letters and ledgers are written in cursive. People should be able to read it, at least.
@Kristen, for several years, my model and year of stick shift car ('96 2-door Honda Accord) was the most stolen car in California. A friend was a sheriff in Fresno and told me that the only cars she saw like mine were driven by gang-bangers. Now I think my car and I have outlasted those bad boys, and probably all the current bad boys can neither drive stick or read/write in cursive.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Or tell time from an analog clock.
You reminded me of an article I read recently in the paper about Chinese millennials touting efforts to be "proudly stingy." I definitely prefer your frugal branding to that (or underconsumption)!
I'm not thrilled with the term "underconsumer" either, for the reasons @kristin @ going country has mentioned. I'm good with "frugalista," or with "tightwad" in a good-humored sense. But a term I think deserves more attention than it's gotten was introduced by a Canadian author named Charles Long, in a 1981 book titled How to Survive Without a Salary: being a "conserver."
@A. Marie, I don't like the term Tightwad because it makes me think of Scrooge. I prefer Frugal or smart choices with money.
@Regina, you may well have been too young for the original run of The Tightwad Gazette, but Amy D took the sting out of the "tightwad" label for a lot of us older folk.
And, again, let me recommend Charles Long's term "conserver"--which means we're doing our best to make good use of what we have (and, in many cases, what other people no longer want or need).
Although Long's book is now over 40 years old (meaning that some of his advice, like Amy D's, is dated), and although a few things are specific to his Canadian context, it's still very good, very funny, and still available out there in a paperback reprint.
I like "conserver"!
@A. Marie, I looked up the book by Charles Long and it sounds like a good read. It's available to borrow online at Open Library if anyone else wants to read it and their library doesn't have it. https://openlibrary.org/works/OL2278516W/How_to_survive_without_a_salary
@A. Marie, I really like the term, conserver. It reflects the effort to use all resources wisely or mindfully.
On the subject of stainless steel water bottle/containers--of which we own(ed) none--I finally did cave two days ago and bought a 40oz Thermoflask insulated bottle at the thrift store for $3.50.
We were planning on heading to see Christmas lights at the zoo, but didn't want to spend $7 per cup per person for hot cocoa while we were there.
So I packed extra cups and the new leak-proof, insulated tumbler and divvied out hot cocoa once we were back in the van.
It warmed us up and was so much more frugal!
The evening was also made memorable because the male lion sprayed me (marking his territory) in the face as I stood unsuspecting outside the chain link fence. Lion pee in tht eyes both stings and stinks!
Check that item off my life list! But hey, at least it made the night memorable!
@Dorinda & 3 boys, Oh no! Duly warned; I'm standing behind somebody else when I look at lions.
@Dorinda & 3 boys, your lion pee story is making me tell mine:
Many, many years ago, DH and I were living temporarily in a house next to the Circus Hall of Fame in a certain west coast Florida city, for reasons too long to give here. A friend of DH came down with his wife to visit us, and the morning after our visitors arrived, DH and his friend took an early morning stroll to the CHoF, where the lions who were a main attraction during opening hours were being unloaded (they couldn't be kept overnight within the city limits, so they had to be trucked in each day). The guy unloading the lions said, with a big grin, "Hey, stand over here behind the cages." Whereupon the male lion unloaded on DH and his friend as you have described. DH signed the resulting postcard to his parents "The Anointed One."
@A. Marie, Oh my!!!! What an adventure -- and a crazy thing to be tricked into. I can definitely identify with the "anointed" feeling. 😀
It's nice to see younger generations embracing frugality even if they feel the need to rebrand it. Everything that comes around goes around. Everything old is new again! I'm full of cliches today. 😉 Bet the Detroit Red Wings of the Montreal Canadiens would love to have 34 Stanley Cups. 🙂 🙂
@Bobi, "or" autocorrect messed with my bad dad joke!
@Bobi, it does seem that every generation embraces frugality in the time of economic uncertainty. As you have said, it has been called by a variety of names over the years — frugality, non-consumerism, cheap, under consumerism, mindfulness and so forth. However, it is what it is. I wish all people would understand the benefits of conserving their financial resources as well as other resources. I think that nearly everything we need has already been produced, upcycled, or recycled.
Count me in with those who don't like "under-consumer," for the same reasons. I agree, let's just stick with frugal or something similar. A. Marie's mention of "Conserver" is also good.
"As I get older...." I think the phrase we are avoiding when we say that is "Since I'm getting old....," ha. Of course, we are all doing that, too!
I tend to get impatient when I don't learn quickly, but I don't beat myself up over it. I keep plugging away unless it's something that was only a passing interest and I decide I have too many other interests to spend time on, to spend a lot of time on that particular one.
I've got a piano question. I was made to take piano as a kid because my aunts were paying for lessons for my siblings and me. I like the sound of piano and it was nice to be able to play some simple songs, but I never got really into it like one of my siblings did, so I dropped it after our year of gifted lessons was over. So, tell me, piano people, how do little kids reach some of those chords? My hands are small, and I can't reach a note way up here and way down there with the same hand. My piano teacher just told me it would get easier as my hands grew, but they didn't grow much. I bought a keyboard last year and amuse myself at times playing very simple songs, but I still struggle with reach.
A co-worker told me that Shands in Gainesville had already dropped United Healthcare. I can't verify that, as I have Florida BCBS/Medicare now but used to have UHC. I had an 8-month long fight with UHC over payment for an MRI (actually an MRE for my gastroenterologist) in which they stop the procedure halfway through, slide me out and administer Glucagon to help get a better picture of the gastro area, then slide me back in like they are finishing a pan of cookies. UHC said therefore it was two separate MRI's and I had to pay two deductibles and most of the reading bill. I finally won, but I had to pay all those bills they wouldn't pay at first, then get paid back months later.
For several years DH's then-employer was based in Pennsylvania, so we had BCBS of Western PA although we lived in Florida. I alerted every facility where we received medical care, every single time, and without fail, they would bill Florida BCBS and we'd get a testy notice from the facility that we had lied about being insured.
The piano question; it is true that some people's hands never grow large enough to reach an octave very well. When I had teen students like that, we just modified the music in places.
But also, some of it has to do with hand flexibility, and I think long-term pianists usually end up with pretty good flexibility with their thumbs and pinkies. I don't have super long fingers, but I have enough finger flexibility to reach some pretty big chords.
I have to say I like adult (AKA non-traditional) students better than my typical college student (who are not really kids but goodness, they seem so young!). The adult students have maturity and usually a firm goal. They do work, ask for help, and treat the class seriously. The college students can be careless, might not attend class, and not make contact if something comes up. The younger students might be quicker, but the older ones have more purpose.
This might not be the contrast you're talking about (as I teach teens and not little ones), but I find it interesting that our perspectives are different.
@mbmom11, my NDN's close friend is a retired professor from our local community college, and she says the same things about her former adult students as opposed to the traditional college-age students. And some of her adult students were struggling under such life challenges that it was amazing they were able to attend classes at all.
@mbmom11, I've heard this from a lot of teachers, as I went to several institutions of higher learning that had vibrant night schools/classes.
Those are very fair points! I see a lot of advantages in being an older college student.
I am taking piano lessons from my daughter who is 41. I'm 72. She is a fantastic player thanks to all the lessons we paid for as well as natural talent. I do wonder why I'm not getting better faster, but I keep plugging along. After all, it's for me, not anybody else, so I don't have to prove anything. But I find it really hard to memorize music.
ADULT VERSUS KID LEARNING:
Anything a kid does sounds or looks good to them because they are only comparing to themselves. In teaching people to draw, adults are self-conscious, so when they are finished, I say to them, "I bet that is the very best [fill in the blank] you have drawn in your entire life!" Of course they laugh and usually say it is the only [whatever it is] they've ever drawn. The point—you are a beginner, so only compare yourself to yourself and watch for gradual improvement.
Sometimes students will say that someone wants to buy one of their drawings, and I always say, "SELL! You will keep improving, so in another year or so, you will hate this one anyway—might as well get paid for it."
UNDERCONSUMPTION (my theories):
People buy unnecessary stuff for the thrill of accumulation, because they are disorganized and can't find the one they already own, or because they are bored. When money is tight and reality kicks in, these are no longer valid reasons (not that they ever were valid reasons).
Art is basically a non-essential, and my sales are down due to people spending more carefully. But beauty IS essential, and art makes all our lives a little bit more bearable. Above my drawing table is a bumper sticker that reads "Earth without art is just eh". Not accepting credit cards probably keeps my sales lower, but if gives me a false sense of not tempting people to buy things they can't afford. (Yes, I do use PayPal, but always prefer a check in the mail and completely trust my customers!)
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, ha, what a great bumper sticker!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
I love that bumper sticker!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
I would like to add a personal view on the importance of arts - art can supply more than beauty- it can challenge the way we look at the world, it can activate our thoughts and emotions and imagination. My private theory is, that that's why art has been suppressed and regulated in totalitarian regimes throughout the ages. Because if you want to keep people quiet, you need to stifle their imagination as well.
I'm old, so I'm not so worried about keeping up with current trends. I don't need even one Stanley cup, and the idea of paying that much for a water carrier strikes me as crazy. My son teases me for not being "modern" enough, because I still drink "sink water." My rationale is that I can under-consume in some areas to enrich other areas of my life, and it mostly works!
@Jean, right on for "sink water"! I usually say "tap water is fine, thanks," but now I might adopt "sink water".
@Jean, tell your son that Stanley is not modern, it's actually vintage. I have a Stanley thermos (paid $5) from 1950 that I got for Hot chocolate to take to winter activities (special non dairy) & it was popular before this trend.
@Regina,
I have my dad's Stanley work thermos from the 1960's. The Stanley cup is a new Thing, though, and I have to tip my hat to the Stanley marketing team for making themselves so popular after all these years. I'll never buy one, but I have to give them points for their success in selling them.
@Regina, My husband's Stanley is almost as old as he is.
@JD,
DH and I have several vintage Stanley thermoses, including the one his mom and dad used for coffee on road trip vacations when he was a kid. Agreed, those Stanley marketers came up with a brilliant idea. Of course, the "limited edition" pink Barbie Stanley cups gave them huge publicity, too. I see (non-Barbie) Stanley cups all over the place at the hospital where I work.
Thanks for bringing up the "Now that I'm older, I feel/I can't..." scenario. I'm like thos to myself sometimes, and you're right. It should be "Now that I'm older I feel sexy, healthy, great, alive" and "Now that I'm older, I CAN..."
I think that everybody here will agree that not only did you do great on your exam, pretty sure you did great on the class! 😉
The under consumerism kind of makes me laugh (for a few reasons).
I think that now that we are almost done with the year how we all knew that times are tough/recession mentality but within the last month being told (by media & government) that had great economy. Great economy for who? Certainly not the USA, as record prices for most items.
Here in Michigan we are expecting another round of winter weather (which is actually normal) but gas shot up from $2.75 & went up to $3.19, because it's going to snow & then get (really) cold (again should be expected in winter in our state). What do you do? Nothing really, as we need gasoline to get to our jobs, daily life.
Meanwhile many utility companies raised their prices November/December by 10%-20%+ just in time for cold winter days/nights. The people have complained to company, but again what can we do? We don't want to freeze. I pulled up my utility bill & sorted through & realized that it says that I am on Summer Peak rates for costs (in December). And that they project my bill to be almost double for next billing cycle.
So of course consumerism is down. We are buying less not only because it's expensive but because everything has gone up in prices. I only buy (most anything including second hand) if it's on sale/clearance/best price unless I have to have it now & no other choice. And I'm a frugal shopper/person. I can't imagine other people who don't practice frugality & (are not rich) how they afford to live.
Another aspect of under consumerism is that people are just tired of cheap single use throw away products. That people want to get back to quality affordable lifestyle. If that means living with less, than they will.
I heard a man saying recently that America is a service economy, that USA can get everything 10× cheaper from China even if it is going to landfill after single use & that's what Americans want. I know this can not be what every American wants, as proven here on Frugal Girl (& other sites) but how do you even respond to that? Especially without starting an argument.
Plus some people are just living with less by choice/minimalism. Families are not interested in inheriting grandmas china or dads fishing stuff. Is it a trend? Only time will tell.
Two more thoughts:
1. "Now that I'm getting older" reminds me of "easier said than done". Name one single thing that isn't easier to say than to do!
2. Blue Cross Blue Shield has been good insurance for us for many years, but it might be a version that is different for federal employees.
My family was a sit around and watch tv kind of family. When I met my husband he taught me to snow and water ski plus play some card games (my family never played games and my husbands did daily) and it seemed like it took me forever to learn. I was so frustrated. Now when I look back I realized that I expected to do it perfectly on the first try and it doesn't usually work that way. That's what I tell my kids when they see someone who's very good at what they do - any professional athlete, public speaker, or musician - no one sees all the hours, or lifetime, of practice.
@Jill, if they make it look easy, that doesn't mean it's easy, it means they're -really- good at it.
SO true. Sometimes I watch Olympic athletes and my goodness, they look so effortless. Almost like their bodies weigh nothing.
Note from a music teacher:
I have a speciality in early music education. I can teach pre-k to read, write, and sight sing songs in just a few lessons. This is a method called Kodaly. I teach through play, exploration, movement and singing. My son retained nearly perfect pitch and plays the piano, violin and clarinet. I never had a problem getting him to practice mostly because music never became a discipline as much as a play.
I have never have a child say "I can't sing." To any adult who tells me this, I respond, "Singing is a muscle that needs to be exercised. You just forgot how to sing a long time ago." Amusia ( being tone deaf) only affects about 4 percent of the population. Adults have a hard time playing and being silly. It stops the learning.
I am working on developing a business idea of teaching 3- 5 years old music. There is nothing available to littles around my town and I think music is crucial to early childhood development. We'll see
@Mary Ann, I listened to a TED talk by Ben Zander, a conductor. He talked about true tone-deafness being very rare and explained that if a person is truly tone-deaf, they wouldn't be able to tell on the phone what a person's mood is nor be able to know when to shift the car.
Good luck in developing that business—sounds fabulous!
At 55 I fulfilled a life-long dream and took my first horse ride ever. The biggest battle has been fear and it takes a lot of discipline to work through that, especially after a nasty spook that shredded my hamstring. But it has been worth all the work - I just learned to jump the horse. I love stretching my mind and body at the same time. As far as frugal - that is how I was raised. Parents and grandparents emphasized responsibility for the gifts we have whether it's the earth or the latest Nancy Drew book.
Total miscellany:
-We've hosted a ton of AP physics study groups at our house over the past ten days, as everyone prepares for the final. I've cleared Trader Joes out of snacks!
-DS17 found out that he didn't get an immediate entrance into one of his target colleges yesterday (and, the one DS18 is at) & needs to provide his first semester grades. It's not a no (and, it happened to dS18 as well), but he's so bummed & freaking out about the other schools he applied to. This process is so stressful! I'm trying to help him stay calm & focused on the things he can control.
-I have a ton of research & prep to do for an interview on Monday. I'm excited about the company, but know nothing about the vertical industry, so I need to dive in.
-DS18 had two finals at night yesterday. I can't imagine taking tests at night. I'm an early bird. Luckily, he's a night owl.
-I'm still trying to figure out how to get DS18's skis to him. We'd planned for him to fly back with them, but the shuttle that goes from the airport to his college doesn't accept skis. The logistics are killing me!
-We upgraded DS18's bed to a queen. I need to list all of his matching furniture & twin bed on FB. And clean up the mess we created last night while doing all of that.
My biggest venture as an adult learner was starting grad school at age 30.
I think it worked to my benefit that I was harder on myself- my standards were very high and I pushed myself hard. No regrets!
@Kim from Philadelphia, I was the opposite. Finished high school early because I skipped two elementary grades, went to college and finished in three years, went on and finished my doctoral work by 23. I was in a rush, partly because my father preached "Get a degree before you have a baby. It is too hard to go back after you have kids. Especially for women. " This was very progressive in the 50s and 60s.
And me starting nursing school at 44!
Found an appropriate parallel to comments about learning in the latest post on the Oxherd Boy. org.
"Earth is a great school for the growth of our spirit, not a courtroom where we are judged and later punished. Our purpose here is to break free from self-imposed restraints -- often shaped by the stories we tell ourselves -- and to rediscover our innate true nature of love."
Korean Zen Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim
I have no trouble with frugality r/t everyday things like savings on food, utilities, gas, and esp. gardening/yard care. I trip up when it comes to nostalgia, or eats that I seldom have opportunity to consume. For example, I had a Dr's appointment in a bigger city and I am very fond of hitting up Crumbl Cookies or a particular pie place. I did "pie" yesterday and came away with four six inch sweet pies (One for my niece) and two savory ones, one to eat now and the rest to freeze. They are $10 apiece. I am doing my part to support a small business and get what I enjoy. Same trip, I went to Marshall's and "saved" money on quality door decor for the resident's door that I decorate for the holiday's and a present for one who's name I chose. I was able to use two $10 coupons on my total purchase. Did buy high at Ben Franklin's, a mostly higher end craft store in getting additional Christmas decor. It would have been cheaper at Hobby Lobby, but they stay way ahead seasonally and are usually bought out already. I prefer the terms cost conscious or frugal. I am clearly not an "under consumer" in the number of items I buy overall.
When I learn new things or skills r/t nursing, I find it stirs up my brain cells to remembering things I'd learned before. Or art history. I have a terrible time at memorizing scripture or poetry, no matter the method I use.
I do have a lot of "Why?" questions regarding self worth. I was raised in a large family that had very little money. But we never considered ourselves "poor." And we lived around people who never treated us that way, either. It was normal to get a bag of clothes to go through from some other family. Several ladies in our church were kind enough to "dress" me as I became a preteen. I never thought for once I would not go to college. I have myriads of friends. I'm not particularly cute, nor skinny. I am skilled at many things. And yet for instance, yesterday, the young worker complimented me on my sparkly top and that set off an interesting conversation at Chick-fi-la. The two young ladies at the Dr. office were very friendly and we also had wonderful conversations. The checker at Marshall's took time to help me find my second coupon on my phone, when I usually have it printed from my laptop. While there was a looonnng checkout line. I am blessed beyond measure. I see the same confidence in the members of the commentariat and you all cuter and prettier as well!
"Under consumer"...hmmm, that's a good one if it means that frugal is suddenly cool.
If it means being a minimalist, then I'm nowhere near there. I remember my first grade teacher telling us that "books are our friends," and I think I took that too much to heart. Because right now at this moment I probably have hundreds of "friends" around my house and I need to get rid of a bunch! The fact I got most of them cheap or free notwithstanding, I will never get around to re-reading them all. And some I got but never read. Gotta do better on that count!
I am proud to be an underconsumer.
I was frustrated as an adult student since my instructor would not let me proceed at my pace instead of his in an independent study situation. He insisted I not learn so quickly!
I have recently been really coming to the realization that I'm bad at being bad at anything!
I prefer staying firmly in the center of what I know. I'm currently struggling because at work they are pushing me/ requiring me to train in a different area that I've be trained in before... and abandoned. I've already been in tears 2-3 times. But I'm trying to remind myself this is a pattern I've seen dozens of times before, and I CAN get better, but man it's hard to press on through the beginner phase.
Same reason I don't crochet, sew, leatherwork, play an instrument or bake. I can't get past the "I suck" phase.
maybe re-picking up one of these abandoned hobbies should be a new years resolution... hmm...
@Ginger, Maybe what you're good at is being mediocre at a lot of things. If so, join the club! For example, I'd rather speak more languages a bit than just one or two very well.
@WilliamB, I think being mediocre at several things is a wonderful goal.
I do love these Miscellany posts. 🙂
I grew up in a household where my parents, on the one hand, did not encourage us kids to try anything new - because if you tried something new or unfamiliar, there was the chance you could fail, and failure was The Worst Possible Thing. When they were forced to teach once of us something new - I'm thinking of my parents teaching me to drive - they expected that you could observe or do the thing once, and attain mastery instantly.
(I never could figure out how to drive a stick shift car, which is what they tried to teach me on. It didn't help that they'd take me out once a month at best, on an irregular schedule, and then expect me to "get it" without practice). Is it any wonder I've needed therapy?
As an adult, and with my first go-round with therapy in my early 30s, I rejected the "don't try anything new" attitude. I learned how to ski (I was terrible at it), learned how to play tennis (also terrible), took tae kwon do (proficient, but hardly a rock star), and kept an open mind to trying whatever I wanted to try. Now in my early 60s, I still keep an open mind. No, rock climbing will never be my thing, not with this expensive replacement knee - but there's still plenty of other things to try. 🙂
The biggest problem I have found with adult beginners (I teach violin) is that they start out with the best of intentions, but pretty quickly life gets in the way and practicing falls by the wayside. I warn them in advance and suggest that they commit to doing a short practice every day instead of marathon practices here and there, but nobody listens.
The other problem with teaching beginning violin into an adult is that most of the extracurricular pedagogical experiences are set up for children.
@Meg in SoTX, *to an adult
I notice adult learners have a hard time being beginners. They want to master things right away, instead of having to do the work of learning first. And they give up easily when it doesn't come naturally to them.
I try to practice a "beginner's mind" and be open to being bad at something before I get good at it, but I know many people who don't have that kind of patience. This has opened the door to many things for me, that others won't even try.
I've also noted highly intelligent people seem to have the hardest time, because they are simply not used to struggling to learn something. I have two highly intelligent family members who just give up because it's hard. Things have always been hard for me to master, so I don't give up, I persist, and succeed. However, I don't know what that says about my intelligence ;o)
Sorry if double post
We have a vintage 1980s Stanley thermos. I do have a smaller coffee thermos (vintage 1990s) that isn't near as good as the vintage Stanley. I am just not into buying "stuff" - I'll spend on helping others, replacing an item that is worn out. Trust me, I have plenty of old - mostly better constructed too - clothes. There is something to be said about buying well constructed garments and maintaining one's weight. Shoes are my challenge - a small but wide foot.
UHC is not so bad when it is employer based - they rightly DENIED a bill from an immediate care "physician" who grossly over billed. Unless he thinks 1 minute is a "long" visit. Then his rent-a-doc company tried to balance bill - big nope, I knew this from working insurance. UHC sent a bitchin' letter informing them that balance billing was a violation of their contract. Then rent-a-doc company had the medical system try to bill me - not happening, not paying, they provided zero service. Medical system sent it to a collection agency. I sent all my doco to them saying I owed nothing. It has been a year since I did this. Perhaps I can provide volunteer assistance re: insurance when I retire. One *has* to know the laws in their state as well as the rules of coverage. It sucks the big one. I remember the days of people dying because their HMO denied a service. Even with the ACA, too many bankruptcies are due to medical expenses. Thankfully IRAs and 401ks are hands-off when it comes to bankruptcies. May this continue.
I distinctly remember a small group claim from my insurance days. The agent did not meet the wife when the policy was written - she was pregnant. Premature birth (do not get me started on the guinea pig treatment this poor child received). This was in the 1980s and the claim cost hit $1M pretty quick. My employer was not happy.
The health care system in the US needs revamping - by adults that is.
I've had BCBS through work for many years, they've been good. When my wife had a serious medical problem, they covered it well enough that we didn't go bankrupt...I guess that's what health insurance is for, after all. Not perfect but better than most companies, and accepted just about everywhere we needed.
I am happy to be an under-consumer, as I credit this for being comfortable in retirement.
A note for your Spanish efforts: I am a trained teacher of English as a Second Language. In the linguistics part of my training, the experts said that learning a second language as an adult takes about six years; you can learn "street phrases" faster, but to be really fluent and literate, it takes about six years. Children who learn a second language before puberty, which few Americans do, find it easier to learn a third language in adulthood. Fluency means you can tell the difference between formal and informal usages, and use the right terms in particular situations. For example, in court you need formal, correct language, but in a casual bar you can use a lot of slang. So I hope you persevere, Kristen--it seems slow for adults but it opens lots of doors and hearts. Language is part of every adult's identity, and you will be a more effective and in-demand nurse when you master the most widely spoken language in the U.S. outside of English. Hang in there, and treat yourself to the occasional Spanish film or TV show as you are also learning about the several cultures that speak Spanish. South American Spanish is not the same as continental Spanish, for example, but the people you are able to talk with will share with you. As another learning activity, you may be able to find children's books in Spanish, and magazines--helpful reinforcements and supplements!
This is why I support language study in elementary schools. Adults who speak only one language are limited in the job markets of the future.
I'm using Duo Lingo for Spanish as well. I used 2 freezes this week to keep my 167 day streak (sad face); it's been quite a week - and it's only Thursday! Happy to say that I could read what you posted above so I must be learning something. I took Spanish language classes and some teachers said that though many people believe that it's easier to learn another language as a young child than as an adult, that's not accurate. They said that kids learn faster as they're less afraid of making mistakes, they don't get embarrassed as easily so are less afraid to USE they language that they have acquired. They also chatter away at themselves or sing for no specific reason and they will do that in the language they are learning as well as the one(s) they already know. Adults, generally, are the complete opposite.
Inspired by your symphony attendance of late, though not the same, I attend a candlelight string quartet tribute to Queen on the weekend. It was lovely and I've purchased a ticket for a tribute to Pink Floyd in January and think I'm going to go to ABBA as well. I love music.
I have to correct what I said in my earlier comment and cannot find it to reply to so am making a new comment. My Duo streak was 139 (now 140 as I just did a lesson) not in the 160's. I know that this won't matter to anyone reading your comments section, but I have to correct myself if I give wrong information.
Also, bad experiences with United Healthcare, huh? Yikes.
There's a wonderful (out of print) book by the late John Holt. The book is called "Never Too Late" and he writes in detail about how he wanted to learn to play an instrument at age fifty or so. He was an educator who wrote several books about learning and also had a newsletter about Home Schooling for years.
It's kind of hilarious how each generation makes up a new name for something old. Undersonsumerism...as they call it?...has been around forever. I grew up saying cheap, then as a young woman it became frugal. But it still means the same thing.
I got dressed up & went to a much anticipated baby shower a week early not long ago. thankfully, it was in our local library community room so I didn't show up at someone's house! I just went window shopping in the sweet downtown where I was so I wouldn't feel as if it was a totally wasted day.