How to add more fun into your daily life (on a budget, of course)
A reader recently messaged me this question:
"Can you do a post about adding more fun to our daily lives? Lately, I feel like all I do is grind between work and chores and playing tennis and going out to dinner with friends. Too much sameness and too much stress."
(there are more details in the message, like that this reader is helping with aging parents on both sides of the family, but this is the gist of her question.)
I think this is a really great topic to consider! I have some ideas about cheap fun to add, and also a few mindset ideas that might help.
Let's start with the mindset stuff first, because if you change up your thinking a bit, the practical ideas may have more of an impact.
1. Find the already-existing fun in your life
I am obviously not privvy to your daily schedule, but I do know from your message that you go out to dinner with friends and you play tennis.
Those things might feel a bit repetitive (so maybe you do need to add novelty into your life), but still, I think you could mentally recategorize those things as fun.
They're both optional activities, which means that on some level, you are choosing those things because you want to.
So, if something is a leisure activity, make sure your brain is putting that thing in the "fun" category and not the "work" category!
2. Consider that your brain might be lying to you
Sometimes, we can develop something analogous to olfactory fatigue and smells...we can't see the fun in our lives because we take for granted the fun and wonderful moments in our everyday lives.
So, if I were you, I'd try to go on a fun-finding mission in your regular ol' life for a week. Your brain is stuck on, "All I do is grind." but that is just a thought and it might not actually be true!
Do do some observation work and see if your brain is lying to you or not.
(Sometimes my brain tells me stories that are not true, and yours is likely capable of doing the same thing. 😉 )
Also, I am not a therapist, but I wonder if there is a part of your brain that is feeling unrecognized for all the hard work you are doing, and that's why it's sending you this, "All I do is grind." message.
So, you could give yourself a little pat on the back in recognition of the reality of all your are juggling, and maybe that part of your brain will settle down a bit and have more space to recognize the non-work parts of your life.
3. Remember that small things count as fun and leisure
Did you get to have a quiet cup of coffee while chatting with your spouse?
Did your cat snuggle up with you for five minutes?
Did you get to talk to your child on the phone for a bit after your work day?
Did you look up and notice a beautiful sky?
Did you eat your lunch outside on a gorgeous day?
Those types of things are not equivalent to a tropical vacation, of course, but they are enjoyable (and moreso if you make a point of savoring them!)
Also, they are evidence you can present to your brain to say, "Ok, Brain! We are working hard, but the "all I do is grind" story is not entirely true."
4. Find out if you are "wasting" your fun time
I know this is a rather hackneyed point, and maybe it's not even applicable to you. But just in case: look at the screen time app on your phone and see how many hours per day you are spending on social media or other optional apps.
Your brain may be saying, "All I do is grind", but your screen time app may tell a different story.
If your phone says you spent even 1.5 hours on social media every day, that means you probably do have some leisure time available to you, and you might feel better if you spent that time in other ways.
For many people, things like social media, news apps, game apps, and TV are not as refreshing and restful as a sunset walk or a coffee with a friend, so see if you can drop some not-so-fulfilling leisure activites for some more-fulfilling ones.
(I understand, dear reader, that your mileage here may vary. Phones are not all bad, social media is not all bad, and if this tip doesn't apply to you, well, chew up the meat and spit out the bones. 😉 )
5. Pay attention and be present
If you are going through life on auto-pilot, not really paying attention, then you are not gonna extract the full amount of fun from life, no matter how many new activities you plan.
I know I have heard therapists say that being "in the moment" and fully present for your experiences are skills that can be honed and practiced.
If your "enjoying the moment" muscles are a little weak, here are a few ideas to try.
- at the end of the day, share a good moment from that day with a friend/spouse/child, or write it in a journal. This habit will make you notice the bits of fun you had that day, and it also might make you hunt for fun the next day in preparation for the evening sharing!
- take more pictures (sunrise, sunset, your cute pet, a delicious meal, a colorful leaf). Stopping to take a picture makes you slow down and notice, and as an additional benefit, you have a camera roll of evidence that your life has good things in it.
- close your eyes. Maybe this sounds a little crazy, but I find that closing my eyes helps me appreciate the feeling of a cool breeze, the sound of the orchestra, the taste of a delicious chocolate, or the feeling of a cool shower. On my winter walks, sometimes I stop in a sunny spot, face the sun, and close my eyes for a few minutes, just basking in the warm rays. Closing my eyes usually makes me breathe more slowly too.
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Ok! So, on to some practical fun ideas.
I know you are overwhelmed with a job and the care of aging parents, which means time and money are both in short supply.
So all of these ideas are gonna be small and inexpensive.
1. Think "new and novel"
It sounds like you are feeling stuck in a rut, so I'd suggest trying to think of small things you could switch up.
Our lives feel fuller and richer when we do things that are out of the ordinary (it's one reason times of travel stick in our memories!), and even small bits of novelty can help us feel less stuck.
A few random ideas, largely based on what helps me: 😉
- buy a new flavor of coffee/syrup/creamer for your at-home coffee
- take a scenic route home from the gym or work or the grocery store
- try a new walking trail
- try a new park
- do something at a different time of day than usual (i.e. play tennis in the evening instead of in the morning)
- pick out a new treat to try at the grocery store (almost nothing there is going to decimate your budget!)
- get a new library book
- buy a little travel size of a new perfume scent
- find some new music to listen to on Spotify
- thrift a new coffee cup (always in large supply at thrift stores!!)
- go buy a single donut one afternoon
2. Try pit stops of fun
Since you don't have oodles of free time right now, think about some ways you could make a quick pit stop for fun.
For example, the other day I was driving home from my second 12-hour shift, which means I had had little time to do anything other than eat, sleep, and work for those two days.
(A 12-hour shift is actually at least 12.5-13 hours because of the lunch break or staying over to finish up tasks, and then if you add in 8 hours for sleeping, that leaves you with about three hours to commute, shower, prep food, eat, clean up, and so on.)
But on my way home, I stopped in at a local park just before they closed and swapped my work shoes for flip-flops. I sat on a picnic table by the water in my scrubs, stretched my toes out, and looked at the lovely water scene for about ten minutes.
That cost me almost nothing in terms of time and money, but it made my day feel like more than just working!
I don't know what's in your area, but consider what fun is available if you try a pit stop vs. a whole outing.
Could you find a few minutes to:
- browse in an antique store
- wander a local art display
- stop in at a park (take your morning coffee there before work, maybe!)
- purposely watch a sunrise or sunset (sunrises will be more attainable soon, since the summer solstics has passed)
3. Occasionally, let the chores go and choose fun
Obviously, there are some things you can't just skip (you need to feed your pets, for example).
But sometimes, you just have to make the decision to stop with the chores and go have fun anyway. Some chores do not take more time if you put them off for a week*, so skip those and use the time to purposely do something fun.
(*Scrubbing your bath tub doesn't take twice as long if you skip a week, and neither does vacuuming. Laundry, on the other hand...)
Relatedly, it is easier to stay home and not go do the effortful fun thing.
Sometimes, I am tempted to stay home instead of going to my free symphony concerts, for example.
But every time I put down the work and go, I am happy that I did. I know those concerts made my last semester feel like more than just work, work, work. 🙂
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-doing a different activity with a friend that I am in a rut with (like go for a hike instead of just out for coffee for the 100th time). Maybe get your tennis friends to try pickleball instead?
-try a new recipe. You have to cook anyways, and the novelty factor is fun. I currently use a meal subscription box and have really enjoyed learning some new techniques
-do something you usually do solo with a friend instead. I usually do SUP paddleboarding alone. Brought one of my kids along last time and it was so much fun.
Go to a local nursery/ garden center and look at all the beautiful flowers, trees, planters, and displays. In the winter I go to one that has an indoor green house to soak in all the smells of the earth and the warmth of the greenhouse.
@Susan, I love this idea
@Susan, my husband and I just did this one day before picking our kids up from camp and it was so delightful!
@Susan, This is a favorite of both of ours to do together. Yes, you bring the occasional cool plant home. It’s why I can’t volunteer in a shelter or visit a cat cafe.
@Susan, go to a pet store or aquarium shop and walk among the bubbling aquariums. Very relaxing.
@Erika JS, amen sister.
@Susan, This is a great idea. I used to do this on my lunch break when I was working in the mortgage industry and work was very stressful. It really recharged me. Especially nice in the early spring when it is really too early to plant but the greenhouses and nursery's are gearing up for the season.
@Susan, I do that too. It smells so good.
Such a thoughtful post again - and I love that you sat by the water in your scrubs!
Menopause made me reevaluate a lot of things in my life. I decided to envisage "my ideal life". In my ideal life, what would I do? Read more! I started reading more, at the expense of watching tv (not at all missed). Eat well (grumbling less during cooking)! Excercise more (again, cut out on tv time)! Worry less (remove FB and other social media)! Have outings/plan play time! I regularly plan an outing, not necessarily expensive or far, and sometimes by myself alone. If there is a exhibition I want to go see I will ask my family/friends but if they are not overenthousiastic or will not commit to any date before it expires, I will go by myself.
Also when I am tempted to do this that and the other I will ask myself how I will spend my time in my ideal life - that will help me focus on what I feel to be my priorities. It also applies to finance: in my ideal life I am not in debt for mortgage, so I do both regular and ad hoc/windfall downpayments.
I try to live without regret. I expect that when I am retired, I will basically do the same things as I do now, except at a lower pace, and possibly have some longer holidays in stead of short ones.
@JNL, I had the same revelations around menopause, isn't that funny?
@Karen A., It is a defining period in a woman's life for sure, and not unlikely to occur when women have both youngsters to look after, and elderly relatives to care for. It does help to see the efforts you make in a broader sense. If Family is a priority for instance, it can make the exhaustion of caring and being a bread winner more bearable. I say bearable because there are times in life you just have to plough through.
Personally I felt that my mother's last years, when our kids were late teenagers, I held a full time job, went through menopause and was also the main "housekeeper " in our home (and then I have a sibling with mental health issues), were a tough time. Priorisation was key and I did scratch from my agenda a lot of activities that were either fun or interesting or socially expected. It is like the life of an athlete: taking very good care of your diet, making sure you get enough sleep and exercise, keeping in mind what needs to be done. Looking back I am amazed I did not get sick or overworked. Thinking of my dear mum however I cannot regret a single moment I spent with her, either being a Martha or a Mary.
@Karen A., @JNL, sometimes wisdom does come with age. That list of changes and decisions and resolutions by JNL is priceless There are a few benefits that accompany these wrinkles and gray hair!
@JNL,
Asking out of my own ignorance: "either being a Martha or a Mary"? What does that mean?
@JNL, as a fellow woman who has re- evaluated my life, I’ve made every change you have made in your list!!!
@JNL it is a christian scripture thing that is a bit misogynist and egotistical IMHO.
@Liz B., either doing chores for her or sitting with her and keeping her company.
I have some thoughts and not all of them are "frugal" tips, but I feel so sad for this reader. Caregiving can be very, very difficult. So, first, perhaps a caregiving support group would be beneficial to you, or if your mental health is really suffering, seek help. You are probably doing more than you know and maybe writing down some goals for each month that factor in your responsibilities but also some things you WANT to do will help you celebrate how much you are doing and create some balance. Also, a wise person once told me that there is a difference between what constitutes "rest" and "recharge" activities. You need both. What "recharges" you? If going to dinner with your friends leaves you feeling worse, it isn't "recharging".
If you aren't getting enough sleep, that matters too. Perhaps mention to your friends that you are really craving mixing it up. Do a rotating night where each one picks an activity - a picnic at a new park, a free concert, and art festival, a rotating theme night, a swap meet to share clothes/books/etc., a class at the library.
This isn't necessarily a frugal tip, but I recently purchased a "Brick" device (approx $40). It has greatly helped me manage my screen time and made my smartphone a tool again. It has some advantages over what is built in on screen time limiters on your phone, so if social media and phone usage is a time suck for you (and likely making you feel worse), it might be worth it. I also try to listen to a fun podcast while I am doing less fun things like cleaning and it makes it much more fun.
And, for me, I love stand up comedy to brighten my mood. I have never been to a live show and not left with my face hurting from laughing. See if there is an improv near you for a night of fun. Often much more affordable than a ticket to a big name show.
@Kasey, I also meant to add that it can be helpful to do an inventory of what actually makes you feel joy. Certain people probably always make you feel better or leave you smiling. Tell them that and tell them you are really appreciative of them and you will find that grows! It may be a season in your life where spending time doing things that bring you less joy or being with people who have a bad effect on your mood....you have to say "no...for now".
@Kasey, Oh man... stand up comedy is a BIG boost for me, too! I've been to three stand up shows (I don't remember the cost of the first, but the tickets for the second two were about $20 each) and I had so much excitement leading up to it, laughed SO hard, and the memories are really special for me. If this is something you enjoy, I highly recommend going to a show sometime!
@Kasey,
Very good points and well expressed. Thank you, Kasey. I think perhaps the stress of caregiving (both physical and emotional, not to mention also possibly financial) may be the key here to why this reader is not feeling as if her life has any fun.
When you are responsible for the well-being of another person, it's a 24/7 thing even if you are not, technically, "on duty" all the time. It doesn't leave you. ANd it is often very hard, if not impossible, to have downtime when you need it based on the needs of the person for whom you are giving care. It's very tough.
Some people feel guilty just not wanting to do caregiving so much of the time.
Sufficient, good sleep; healthy eating; getting some exercise; getting fresh air. Taking breaks and vacations...all essential to avoid burnout and worse.
@Ruth T,
Stand up comedians. YES. You don't even have to leave the house anymore, with so many specials online from big names and tons of great stuff from women you may never have heard of.
Check out Anjelha Johnson, for one. Clean and funny.
Tons of others on youtube, including middle-age women with great riffs on family life that even those without kids can enjoy.
And, again, lots of healthy humor. And free of cursing and negativity.
And do not forget the classic humor of the late and great Bob Newhart.
Two Grammy-winning records. And without swearing or shock language.
@Heidi Louise, blessings on Bob Newhart, the Button-Down Mind man for the ages.
I noticed something this week: we have been over-committed this summer, and this makes even the fun things seem like drudgery. I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Even my children noticed this. If you are over-booked, it might end up being more fun NOT to do something. Don't eat out with your friends; do something to indulge yourself at home. Watch a movie all by yourself with a bowl of popcorn-- seasoned just the way YOU like it. OR instead of eating out with friends, invite friends over for a potluck meal.
But really, if you're caring for aging parents, that is so stressful. I wonder if something like fewer activities and more rest would make every part of life seem like more fun for you. (I have experience here.) Sleep made me feel less the need to escape.
This is a very good point; too much "fun" is just exhausting.
@Jody S, this is is so true!!!! It is great advice.
@Jody S,
Your post reminds me of a friend, who advises an occasional candlelight bubble bath to ease the stress. I tried it when my folks had just died, and it was very soothing and helped me process my feelings. Forgot to list that one.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Also, if you are really, really, really overwhelmed, see your doctor. She may need to treat you for anxiety, depression, stress, etc. with medication.
@Jody S,
Sufficient, good, solid sleep. Helps make everything better. Without it? OMG
Also maintaining your own health. Vital. You need breaks, time away and additional help. Hard to find reliable help but essential. The tolls of caregiving, even for those we dearly love, are many and often hard to manage so we maintain our own spirit and health. Good luck. As someone wrote, sometimes what you need is time to do NOTHING>
I really loved Kristen's suggestion of just letting chores go as I struggle with this one. But most of it can wait and spending quality time (including having fun!) with others or on my mental health needs a recharge. Thank you for the reminder.
I really enjoy gardening-flowers, herbs and to a lesser extent vegetables. The planning and wandering through the garden centers are fun for inspiration and are budget friendly if I stick to browsing or purchasing seeds. I even find the maintenance soothing (as long as it doesn't get out of control) and a great opportunity to enjoy the outdoors.
Other things we do, kayaking, traying out a new hiking trail, daytrips to visit museums-many are fee or relatively low costs if you look around. We also belong to a church group that plan activities for us->many of them are very budget friendly. Finally, volunteering can be a lot of fun.
And sometimes, if you take a break from chores to do something refreshing, you find you have new energy to tackle those chores!
I totally understand this question and am dealing with similar circumstances in my own life. We're in the process of moving my mother in law from a rehabilitation facility to a more permanent nursing home, and planning my fath in laws funeral at the same time, and it's so much work and very all consuming. I also have four kids that are starting school next week. When I start to feel this way I have found that acting like a tourist in my own town can be so helpful. Get up a little earlier one morning and grab a coffee/pastry at a coffee shop you've never been to. Explore a new park. Is there a town nearby that has a cute downtown area you haven't been to? Take a couple hours to walk around and window shop. You mentioned Tennis, maybe try out a new sport for a few weeks? Does your location parks and rec department offer adult classes? Try one out! Typically the time commitment with those is pretty low, maybe and hour every week for 6-8 weeks. My husband and I have a standing date night every week and a couple of times a month we try to go to a restaurant we've never been to before.
That should say father-in-law, not fath 🙂
As Jody S pointed out, being over-scheduled can suck out fun. But for me, this summer I have been trying to say "yes" a lot more. I love routine and have been very routine in the summer over the years, but this year we have added a lot of fun by saying yes to things. I have to be a little brave to be more spontaneous because I'm naturally not, but it's getting easier.
Another small thing that has added fun to my summer was signing up for a 3-month free Sip Club subscription at Panera. I know that I would never swing through and pay $4 for a lemonade, but since I already go by there quite a bit I will definitely swing through and get a free one. It feels special because I know I wouldn't normally do it and because I know it's only for a few months. McAlister's offers a similar drink subscription, I believe. But a one-month "something" that you can take advantage of may add some small fun to life.
@Ruth T, the Panera Sip Club is a great suggestion! I use it as an easy way to get a few minutes of 1:1 time with my kids. Or to treat myself during errands—an iced tea that I didn’t make myself!
My friend/former life coach says, "Good things happen when you leave the house."
@Rose, Frodo (or Bilbo or Gandolf?) said, "It's a dangerous world out there!"
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
Hm, but then Bilbo's motto is " there, and back again" or words to thay extent?
TBH, I've always disliked Tolkien.
Son loves it, so starting in second grade, he/we created a banner in various runes; created a Bilbo outfit for him with vintage tin bubble pipe; read The Hobbit to him; gave him the LOTR books (which he read at age 8), took him to see every damn movie; bought him numerous One Rings to wear; etc etc.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I think it's" It's dangerous business going out your door'.
Good morning- what a beautifully motivating post, Kristen. It is so hard to be a caregiver, so much love & strength to the person who wrote in. When my husband was terminal, I had a couple friends who would go sit with him so that I could have an hour or so out of the hospital. It was enough time to sit on my porch & breathe. Respite is so important. And I googled fun places to visit in my area and created a list of nearby historical homes, parks, etc to visit this summer. My daughter will often go with me, but I am ok with going solo. I am a huge proponent of leaning into “yes” when offered novel opportunities.
Can you delegate/hire out tasks? I have a work-related task that I just don't want to do. (It's prototyping a website.) Every time I sit down to do it, my brain moans NOOooOOO,, don't wanna! Finally, last night, I thought, why not try fiverr? Probably someone there can do most of it and then I can tweak it myself. Such relief.
This is a tough one. Caring for aging parents can be exhausting...even though you're doing a wonderful thing, it takes its toll for sure! We are in a similar situation, although on what sounds like a much smaller scale at least for now...
Some things we try to do for fun...on Sunday afternoons, we sometimes hop in the car and go for a drive...revisiting our childhood home areas...finding a new place to hike...etc. Getting outside seems to help to recenter us. My hubby likes to go outside and just walk around the yard, checking out what's blooming etc. Picking up sticks on our walk around the yard kills 2 birds with 1 stone...it makes the yard look nice and as a result makes us feel good all in one! Not everyone enjoys outside work, but we do, so it works for us!
There is a park in our area that offers free concerts on Sunday nights throughout the summer. Those are fun to attend. All we need is a lawn chair or a blanket.
I sometimes drag my feet because it's easier to stay home, but I'm always glad that we go!
I hope you can find some snippets of time, even if they are small, in order to be refreshed!
@Alica, sometimes I am so focused on yard work that I forget to enjoy the fruits of my labors. But it is fun to just walk around, making mental notes, picking up sticks, yanking a weed here and there, admiring it all. My sister once asked me if I ever just sit and enjoy my yard; I said that I can for about 5 minutes before jumping up to "fix" something.
It seems you don't feel tennis and going out to eat "fun". Is tennis competitive? Is eating out expensive?
Every Monday morning I meet 8-10 people to walk in an area trail (year-round--snow, possibly light rain, cold, warm.) If it is raining as the Scots say, put on your pretty raincoat and go out. During the week, I research and pick the next location. We will go in a range of about 20 miles around us. The number of free walking trails managed by conservation groups is amazing. It is nice to make a donation to one or more of the groups for the work that they do and relatively inexpensive and possibly volunteer if one has time; but if a donation is not affordable, entrance is not denied. (I know there are some trails with entrance fees.) It's peaceful, it's social, it's exercise. A babbling brook, ocean waves, reflections in water, mushrooms, shape of a heart in the frozen pond. Nature has so many changes throughout the year--from the buds on trees in spring to the colors of the leaves in the fall. Nature art--a bump on a tree can look like an animal or a human. A downed tree shows you the size of its roots--did it take a "family" of trees down with it? Free.
You could even take a book, a drink and snack (if you like), a chair if needed and sit by a water source--babbling book or ocean (for the sound and the nature it attracts).
There are walking book discussion groups. I have two locally that I can participate in. One is at one location and includes readings about nature, the other is at different locations in my area of the state and will be in an area related to the book or writing. I get to go to places I probably would not think about. Basically free. Use library card.
Zentangle: Zentangle is a meditative doodling. Once a month I go to a class at a local library that my friend hosts. There are many youtube videos that could start you. It takes a fine point marker, a pencil, a smudger, and a 3-4" square of watercolor paper (a tile). It's art. It's fun. It is social too if you want it to be. The cost is minimal.
Handcrafts: knitting, needlework, origami. These may not be free.
If an area community has an ART night. I know of two in our area that have one night a month when historical buildings may be open to the public for free and other art exhibits. Bring your own coffee. Be a people watcher.
I hope we all help you.
@JEG, your life sounds wonderful! I'm so curious where you have access to a trail with year-around snow. My guess is that our Reader-in-a-Rut doesn't have time for the things you mentioned.
Your first two questions for her are excellent. . . I wondered the same things.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, I think she means she meets people year round, no matter the weather.
also re first two questions: if you're exhausted and overwhelmed, nothing is fun. Nothing.
@Rose,
This is so true. When I was overwhelmed - helping take care of my mother in law with dementia, working full time (with my current boss who has zero empathy or compassion), and helping care for our young son - there was ZERO time to try and do pretty much anything, and I was too exhausted to even try. I had to grit my teeth every time someone said "be sure and take care of yourself" - I know they meant well, but taking care of me was so far down the list of priorities that it never happened.
@Central Calif. Artist Jana, Apparently my writing was not clear. We walk year round--heat, drizzle (put on your pretty raincoat), and cold (frosty or snowy). We do it Monday morning and it sets our week off on the right (or left) foot! lol
And this week I took my 5 year old grandson to the "little beach". It's a conservation area with a small beach, probably mostly inhabited by locals. It's quiet. He had a wonderful time looking for shells for his other grandmother, wandering in the water. It bolsted my psyche too.
@JEG, Check out library newsletters--not just your own. Usually there are good lectures, author presentations, craft instruction. Ours are all free.
I often blast music from my youth, in the car, and sing along. It brings back some good memories, & I'm usually surprised at how many lyrics I remember.
Or, make your dinners with friends more interesting. Maybe try a different ethnic cuisine. You can check out the menu online before going, & be prepared when you get there. In the same vein, a friend & I are on a recent quest to find the best roast beef sandwich. We've been to delis in several locations in the Chicago suburbs (although sometimes we order something else) and it gives us an excuse to find a new place.
Such good advice and I needed it today. Thank you.
This is a wonderful post and timely for me. I am bored out of my mind. Yes, I have plenty to do, but none of it truly engages me.
I am in the doldrums. It happens every July and I know this. By mid-month, I’m tired of the heat and autumn still seems so far away. Everyone who is able to leave Florida does and for as long as they can. Because of this, my activities and clubs are all suspended until September. There is little going on socially from 4th of July until Labor Day.
Thus, I find myself extremely restless. Instead of enjoying the long, lazy days of summer, I am waiting for them to end. You have offered a new perspective and put forth so many good ideas.
@Bee, do you live near the beach? I'd be in the water or along its edge every day without fail. But I fully understand, because I am tired of summer by mid-July and then it stays hot through mid-October around here, often complicated by severe smoke.
@Bee, Try something different, something you've never done before? Sew a fall dress. Learn to knit/embroider/tat. Build a website. Create a backyard pond in a container. Start writing a book. Paint a picture or birthday cards or decorate a lampshade. Learn to macarena or Charleston. Bake exotic breads or make ice cream or pickles.
@Bee, as a fellow Floridian, I feel this as well. Other than "first friday" events in my town, I struggle to find other things to do July-August!
@Central Calif. Artist Jana,
I live about a mile from the coast. We do go down to the beach, but some days it is just too hot. There is a nice sea breeze today, and the high is only 91. So we might head down before dinner.
I know that this sounds very weird, but I am a Florida Native. I was raised in a house along the Atlantic coast. After nearly 6 decades, I get bored with my beach, and I really want to go to a different beach.
@Cheryl,
I think it’s true through out the state. I feel like the month of July goes on and on.
@Bee, I get like that with the mountains. . . so accessible, so ordinary. Embarrassing to admit, but we're all friends here. 😎
For me, when I go from "this is really really hard" to "My whole life is just drudgery and I'm MISERABLE" it's a sign that I am not getting enough sleep. When I'm that tired, no other tip will help, because I can't enjoy fun things.
I had that feeling as a new mom--I was just too tired and stressed on multiple fronts at the same time; not unlike the question-asker! I had that feeling again this week--I was last week, worked long hours, had to support a family member through a sad loss, my kid was sick and not sleeping. I've had a headache for two weeks and my left eye won't stop twitching...
I know I need to sleep. One night isn't enough, I know I need about 3 days of good, restorative sleep before I feel like myself again.
Sometimes a change just as simple as having coffee in a new location in my yard gives me a new outlook on life. Maybe playing tennis on a new court would do it for our Reader-in-a-Rut.
When you are in your car, don't listen to talk shows or news or other potential "downers." Play music that brings you joy. Maybe get a playlist of the songs you absolutely loved when you were a kid, happy songs that you can sing along to, and play those. (I tend to get holiday blues and instead of listening to "Christmas stations" or stations that play those sappy secular Santa songs starting in November, I get some old upbeat rock and roll CDs, such as early Beatles, that were hits when I was in school, and play those. It put me in a really happy mood and I didn't switch to Christmas songs -- mostly hymns, actually -- until mid-December. It works for me!)
Ask for help -- you can't do all of this alone. See if other family members can pitch in. If they won't do it by themselves, maybe they can work side by side with you. At work, see if you can delegate some of your tasks to others. Perhaps suggest to your boss that you need to teach others how to do some of your duties in case you have to take a leave of absence to care for the elderly relatives; that way, the office won't be left in a lurch.
Do you have a pastor or rabbi or counselor or good friend you can talk to? "Share one another's burdens."
Ask others to pray for you. (OK, commentariat members, could you please uplift this reader to God?) Prayer works!
After doing a particularly difficult task, spend a little time coloring or doing a mindless, easy, but enjoyable task. One of my coworkers has a mother in a nursing home. The mother has early stage dementia. My coworker takes coloring books and colored pencils with her when she visits. She, her mom, and now other patients, love to sit in the cafeteria area and color. Could you do that, or some other easy but enjoyable craft, with your elderly family members?
An Alzheimer's support group training I once took taught us that the patient's favorite music from long ago triggers their brains to remember. If you can play some of their old tunes, they may not only sing along but also talk about the good old days. Personally, I enjoy hearing older people's stories; it usually triggers joy and laughter in both the speaker and listeners. I've also heard that smells may be beneficial; could you bring Grandma her favorite cologne from when she was a young girl?
Some TV stations air classic comedies and cartoons. Even if you don't have time to sit down and watch the entire program, playing those in the background as you do other chores may uplift your mood. Who doesn't laugh at a good joke?
Support groups are often helpful, even if they only meet once a month. The above-mentioned Alzheimer's support group, held in a church building, allows people to leave the patient with a trained volunteer, where they do fun tasks, while the caregivers attend the support group down the hall. Elder daycare programs may also give you some respite.
Being around nature, or even just having some houseplants or a small garden or container garden, often uplifts moods. It's been found that when patients can look out the window at nature scenes, they are less anxious and feel less pain. Like Kristen said, it doesn't have to be for a super long time -- even a few minutes will help.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
So true - it isnt just doing what you need to do, but also about asking help to so you can keep doing what you need to do. The needs to keep going depend on the person and situation - "know thyself" is the necessary first step.
@Fru-gal Lisa, You should write a book! In your spare time... ;-}
@JDinNM and Fru-gal Lisa,
I second this suggestion. You have a wealth of interesting stories and lots of practical tips written in a. Wry readable way.
@Fru-gal Lisa,
Avoiding the news always puts me in a better mood! I think there is something to the expression: ignorance is bliss.
Kristen and everyone else have already offered so much good advice that I can only say, "Hear, hear!"
Along with others, I offer my sympathy to the original messager, as a veteran of caregiving struggles in various ways with various people: my years of caring for DH, of course; the increasing role I'm playing with my next-door neighbor; and my role as supporting SIL to the wife of DH's brother, who now has a formal diagnosis of dementia. (This SIL called me yesterday while I was at the Salvation Army, and I just sat down in the furniture department and offered what comfort and support I could. Good thing the entire staff knows me by sight, or I might have been chased off my chair.)
The advice about taking brief, pleasurable breaks whenever possible is particularly important. For example, I used to go for walks in a lovely small cemetery near DH's nursing home either before or after visits there. Support from others in similar situations is also important, as Kristen knows from her divorce support groups. I never joined an in-person dementia support group, since a lot of DH's decline took place during the pandemic--but as I've often said, the various forums on alzconnected.org were lifesavers for me.
@A. Marie,
I'll agree, brief breaks are needed, and if they have to be penciled in, then pencil them in. Find someone to help out and give you a break, be it another family member (my option), a caregiver respite service or a kindly neighbor (like A. Marie!) if you can. You (hopefully) don't have to carry this load alone.
Then get outdoors if at all possible. In or outside, find something relaxing for you to do briefly, even if it is just to sit and watch nature alone or listen to music. And as pointed out, get as much sleep as you can. Your body needs it. Overwork can make life seem dark. Give it some light and air.
@A. Marie,
It is wonderful that you support your SIL. I was a caregiver to my mother and MIL Both had dementia. My mother was very sweet - almost childlike. My MIL was as mean as a snake. Few people what it was like to be called names and pinched. Caregivers need care too.
@Bee,
Bless you! I cared for my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's. "Mean as a snake" described her as well. I was punched, slapped, yelled at, called names and had my hair pulled. Caregivers do need care too!
@JD and @Bee, I hear you both. One thing that made my own hard road much easier was that DH retained his sweet nature to the end. In this respect, he was unlike both his mother and his only sister--both of whom were difficult women to begin with and got MUCH worse as dementia came on.
Grab a snack. This is going to be a long response. I got burnt out a decade ago and did a deep dive into it. I read a book about a life audit and something clicked- about how we spend time doing things we don't want to (and not laundry, because that's kind of required).
But first...aince Kristen mentioned the reader helps their parents, I'd consider looking into resources for caregivers if that's applicable. It may be that it's overwhelming.
For the rest:
Say 'no' to more things that are optional. I quit a book club I dreaded and took a hula hoop class instead. No regrets.
-Swap the activity with friends: meet for a walk, invite them over for dinner (soup/salad is easy peasy), geocache, etc. Heck, one friend I used to meet up with and we'd spend Saturday mornings cooking a ton of food, then separating it into freezer containers. We got to visit and knock out a required task. Plus, we swapped recipes. Start/join a book group, dinner group, board game meet up, etc.
-It sounds like tennis is recreational, but feels like an obligation. Maybe give it a break and do a different exercise for a bit. Dance at home, walk/run, etc.
-Is there anyway you can streamline chores? Make simpler dinners, exercise on a lunch break, bulk shop so you can skip a week at the grocery store?
- As far as fun and frugal things" I've had great luck taking free or inexpensive classes through my local community colleges (non-credit classes) and libraries. Coffee shops often host live poetry and colleges have cultural events (like Hawaiian dance performances) that are free.
I've started doing things slowly, which has actually made me feel less rushed. For example, I love hot chocolate and instead of microwaving it, I'll cook it on the stove top, combine cocoa+sugar+salt instead of a packet and slowly wisk it together. It keeps me in the moment and helps me appreciate the smaller things more.
Sorry for the novel!
@Shelly, I really like your suggestions. Many of them I've done and I can vouch for how they made a difference in my day or even in just my moment. Saying no to the things--even "fun" things--you find yourself dreading can be empowering as well as opening up time to say yes to something else (which might mean saying yes to nothing at all!). I, too, find it fun to do some things like making hot chocolate "the long way". It brings me more into the moment which is liberating in a way! It's a way of saying "yes" to me-time if only for a few moments.
@Shelly, we need to know what book you read!
There are some great suggestions here! As I get older, I tend to really enjoy staying home a lot more so, for me, saying no to things and resting is my best way to recharge. On the other hand, when I've been home a lot and not doing anything out of the ordinary then I am rejuvenated when we get out and do something just a little different. I think it's key to tune into exactly what feels to YOU like the"out of the rut" thing you need in your life. It sounds like you enjoy exercise if you are playing tennis. Maybe taking a yoga class or a Tai Chi class which also includes meditative/breathing practices into the class would help you clear your mind. Just yesterday I looked into yoga studios in my area. One was $25 per class (sounds expensive to me!) and the other is a $5-10 suggested donation. If you can tolerate the heat, Hot Yoga is both relaxing AND rejuvenating at the same time. My husband and I are musicians and we recently discovered an open mic night in our town. (Again, a suggested donation of $5-10...) It was a lot of fun for us to play there but also fun to see the other local talent. My husband and I also like to browse thrift and antique stores and there are a lot of them in our area. To us that's "fun". We are good at just "window shopping" so I don't recommend it if shopping and spending money is an issue. (Years ago that would have been hard for me to do without spending money so no judgment there!) During the pandemic when we were stuck at home a lot, we would get in the car and just drive for an hour or two. We'd take different roads and just see where they went. It cost us time and gas but we both came home with our brains feeling stimulated again. Plus we discovered some new museums, parks and restaurants in our area that we knew we wanted to try when restrictions were lifted.
When I'm in a rut, nothing feels like it's going to do the trick. So much of it is mind over matter. I have FORCED myself out the door to try something new or different and more often than not I come home feeling refreshed. Go through all the comments here and write down all of the suggestions - - even the ones that don't seem to appeal to you because you just never know! Post the list on your fridge and look at the list when you need inspiration! Best of luck!
Volunteering is free and brings joy to you and the people you're helping. There's no shortage of it these days thanks to the tyrant dictators and their complicit- in the U.S and around the world. All you have to do is pick a cause/ country- Ethnic cleansing in Khan Yonis, Yemen, India, genocide in Ukraine, and the latest mass slaughtering in Bangladesh. And of course- Black Lives Matter in our own backyard. Becoming the person you want others to be is free and fun.
I met a retired couple who travel frequently, even if it is just day trips. Every state they visit they find a pickleball court and they play on their trip. Maybe you could do something like that with tennis!
One of my friends likes to visit every city/town in the state she lives. She walks downtown and reads their signs and she goes out to eat. Maybe you & friends could do something like that!
@Colleen, what is it with pickle ball? Is the "feel good" from getting an outfit and equipment? Something "cool" to do besides play tennis - which you can do at a skill/physical pace. I just don't get it.
@Colleen,
I love these ideas! There was an article several years ago
in the Cincinnati Enquirer about a woman who visited every county in Kentucky one summer (I believe she did this with her kids, if I remember correctly). I thought that sounded so fun!
There are so many wonderful ideas here - love all the comments, too! I just wanted to say: Go Walk In A Creek. It's amazing. Alone is good, but with a child is even better!
Growing up in a large family( 6 kids), my parents took us to many free events. We attended free concerts every other week for years, we went to the library frequently for books ( of course), classes, movie nights and various other activities. We frequented museums as well. Sometimes Dad would just pack us in the van and take us on a scenic drive to “Nowhere.” We were a singing family so all of us kids would sing together and come up with new arrangements for popular songs we’d hear on the radio. This was huge fun for all of us.
At home, during the school year, of course we had homework assignments, reading, etc, but we also had a lot of time to read for pleasure. As well, my parents encouraged creativity so we would draw or paint or sew or do crafts or make cards, write letters, create/ illustrate poems or stories. Again this was so much fun for us and all low cost.
We would also ride bikes and go for walks in our neighborhood or in local parks.
As an adult, I have found that taking classes to learn new skills has been so much fun. Sometimes I’ve taken classes by myself but sometimes my husband and I have taken art classes together as well as dance classes. This has been a good way for us to meet new people outside of our family and church friends.
One fun activity we’ve done a few times over the years has been to gather with friends to watch a movie followed up with a meal that coordinates with the movie. For example, when we watched “ Hundred Foot Journey,” we each added a dish to the meal that was either French or Indian cuisine. We all enjoyed that event!
I was the main caregiver for my Dad who lived with us for 11 years before we had him moved into a small assisted living home. He was there for 3 years until he died at 102 years old! Taking care of Dad with his daily needs, dr appointments, keeping siblings up to date, all while teaching 2 days a week as well, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life( except going through the separation/ divorce from my first husband many years ago). My dear husband was so helpful and supportive of me during all this caregiving but he was working full-time and so wasn’t able to help with dr appts. ( Dad had 9 doctors). I was exhausted all the time and didn’t sleep well. I also had a lot of pity-parties. But I knew that what we were doing to help Dad was helping us as well. We gained compassion, wisdom and understanding from all those years of service. Near the end of Dads time in our home is when my husband and I were approaching our 25th wedding anniversary and we decided to take a ChaCha class at the community college. It was so much fun and the beginning of our dance journey which is so much a part of our life now. We’ve learned a few moves for waltz, foxtrot, swing, nightclub, tango, rumba. We know a few salsa moves but a week ago, we attended a Cuban Salsa Rueda event that was so fast-moving and overwhelming but SO MUCH FUN!! It was new and exciting and we met some wonderful folks!
Not sure if I’ve shared anything helpful to any readers but I agree with so many of the tips other readers have provided.
Kristen, This post is such a meaningful life discussion. And I say this as someone who finds all of your posts informative and helpfully fun. This, though, could help someone through a crisis along with giving all of us tips large and small toward a better life.
Also very much appreciated the protein discussion and the many great ideas from you, Ben, and the Commentariat.
If the reader is going out for dinner with friends, can she maybe stay in one night and take some time for herself, maybe with takeout as a treat? I offer this advice with the caveat that I don't think it's healthy to always isolate yourself, but it's good to have downtime. If I don't get some time to myself at least once a day I feel very grumpy and stressed. Another option could be to get up earlier, if this is possible, and use the extra hour/thirty minutes just to take time for herself with a coffee.
@Sophie in Denmark, I totally agree with solitude time. IMHO, there is NOTHING better than having the house to myself. Doing as much or as little as I want. Eating what I want to eat when I want to eat it. Organize papers or binge watch a show, whatever strikes my mood at the moment. My time to myself is at night - I am a night owl and showing no signs of changing as I continue to get older. Better half is a morning person. There are times when he doesn't go to bed at his normal time and truth be told, it irks me. So tempted to get up earlier one of these days which will impinge on his morning "me time".
If I couldn't leave my house for a week (heck, on average I only leave the house one day a week), I'd not be upset.
Perhaps OP just needs some time to herself and let the chips fall where they may. Planned fun isn't always fun.
To your point about savoring & finding the good in your day, I took the class, "The Science of Well-Being" from Yale (free via Coursera) & it made a huge difference in how I approach my time, and how the things that you think are going to make you happy are not actually the things that make you happy in the end. Your brain is a deceptive little thing.
Cheap/free things that make me happy:
1) Making someone else happy (got this from the course). Research shows that treating someone else is actually more likely to make you happy than just treating yourself. Small things like treating a friend to ice cream/coffee on a hard day, etc works fine.
2) Mentally noting when you are prioritizing yourself & your well being. Note exercise or meditation as "me time", and enjoy it.
3) Making a meal out of things I have on hand. It's basically free, and if it's even a little creative, I feel an outsized happiness from using up things we have on hand.
4) Talking to a friend. My BFFs & I use Marco Polo & record video chats on our way to work, since talking on the phone is difficult due to schedule. Same with my parents. It's fun to get little snippets of their day, and takes absolutely zero time to do, since I'd be commuting anyway. We use the free version of the app.
5) Spend a few minutes organizing my space. I know it can feel like part of the grind at the time, but it always makes me feel better & more appreciative & makes the daily work a bit easier if my space is organized.
@Hawaii Planner, #1 is so true! Some of you may remember that my usual housecleaner was pregnant with twins. Well, Hailie and Hazel are here and I just had a whale of a time picking out Hanna Andersson dresses for them. I couldn't decide whether to get matching or not (I eventually went with matching) but it was so fun looking at baby clothes again. It's been a baby drought for me!
@Rose, so happy to hear Hanna Andersson is still around.
I ama caregiver to an elderly declining family member and can so relate to this reader. There are so many tasks tog et through the days that after a while it does seem like all you do is chase one responsibility after the next. It is exhausting and then you feel guilty for being tired...or at least I do.
I have found some things that are helpful for me so I will chare and hope not to offend in anyway.
Support groups whether through a local church or the community hospital. These are great places to hear similar stories to yours so you don't feel so alone and unseen. I find them fun as I often hear others dealing with the same antics that I deal with and we can laugh about it together or cry if that is what the day brings.
Exercise. Sounds like you are getting that in with tennis but I would suggest some solo exercise where you can let you thoughts roam. I find this both therapeutic and fun. And I always feel better afterwards.
Scheduled, low cost, FUN activities like camping. Something about being out in nature in the quiet, looking at the stars, sitting around a campfire, cooking outside, and sleeping in a tent - I have found this to be a magical reset for my mind.
Low cost activities that may involve a day trip like apple picking or a trip to the farmers market can be fun.
Taking scheduled breaks from caregiving are important too. This allows me to get in more fun activities like a small getaway or even a family vacation. Fun during these times can involve going to the beach or a pool, taking walks, taking a drive in the mountains and getting a special coffee, antique window shopping, a festival of some sort, etc.
getting involved with serving your local community through your church. This is fun to me because I build friendships and enjoy the time together.
Lastly weekly church. This is an important way that I fill my cup. I get to see friends and truly enjoy the chance to do my makeup, dress, and attend the service. Fun & nourishing to my spirit.
We ate dinner together every night (because I was a frugal queen when I was younger), and one of my favorite things was to ask each of my kids what was the worst thing that happened that day, and what was the best thing that happened. Their answers were moments of connection to their lives, and whether happy or sad or silly or disgusting (I had two boys), they brought moments of pure joy and connection.
I really believe that humans have a set point somewhere between "comfort" and "novelty" that brings us happiness. When life is bringing us a lot of novelty (as new parents, starting a new job, figuring out how to get by on tight finances) we naturally turn to routine and comfort for respite...but when we get settled into our lives, we don't know how to (or don't think to) balance the scale by choosing substantial novelty (as opposed to the shallow novelty that social media brings us). There are some great books about curiosity out there that delve into the importance of the new for staying happy and healthy.
For more specific advice, I think some people who know they need something new in their lives don't know where to start, or get overwhelmed by choice. In that case, there's nothing wrong with letting someone else do the planning. Another commenter mentioned meal kits, or you could just pick a cookbook and cook your way through it. I'm doing that right now with a French cookbook and having a great time. There are podcasts out there for just about every form of media from romance novels to action movies--watch the movie they pick, listen to the discussion, and then often they have an online community where the audience can talk it over too. Scheduling is helpful too--by yourself or with others--and also taking notes or photos so you remember what you did. That probably sounds like work, not fun, but it doesn't have to be complicated. For instance, I just keep a list of books I've read (one second to add to a spreadsheet), and then when I look back at it, I get to enjoy again by remembering what I liked the first time. (And I can spread the joy by sharing with others--you may think you'll remember but on the spot I can never come up with recommendations.)
Love all the great ideas in the post and in the comments! For me, one of the things that helps me feel positive and less stressed is to plan some special fun, like a trip, but it could be something "smaller" too.
By putting some thought into a future event/trip, it gives me something to look forward to - a time I know I will have fun/relaxation/downtime. My mindset then becomes looking ahead instead of feeling stuck in the grind.
Hang in there and plan some special fun! You deserve it!
Thank you, Kristen, for a wonderful post. I am the one weirdo who does not like to leave home. I do force myself in the form of volunteering.
I have just begun my 2 day a week work schedule and I found a room to rent 1 day per week near the hospital so that I do not have to endure 4 hours of commute per day. It is exhausting otherwise.
We are burning up (literally) with almost 1 million acres of wildfires, so the air quality is not the best for afternoon strolls. I have been reaching out to my elderly friends and offering to change the air filters, bring them flowers, take them shopping. One 94 yo likes flowers so we have been visiting local nurseries as they close out their season. I have picked up several clearance perennials to add to my gardens.
Harvested blueberries, broccoli and cauliflower for the freezer this morning. will check the status of the cherry vinegar and block out the fall garden (put plan to paper).
Tonight I will bake off my 6 dozen breakfast cookies and muffins for the local forestry wildlands fire corp that are relieving a team coming home. Their office is near my home and as a timber tree farm operator, I support their efforts.
Something I recently discussed with my therapist was working on binning things I like to do as "likes" instead of "musts." Like, I genuinely enjoy yardwork. My yard is overgrown and was neglected for many years, so making progress is hard. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with the scope of the work that I forget that I like doing it! So every time I work outside, I've been trying to remind myself how much fun I'm having, rather than how much I "have" to do. It's working--slowly!
Sending thoughts of encouragement to the reader who was brave enough to ask for advice! Definitely some things to consider in the comments.
I am in a similar down-place, because I currently have nothing out of the ordinary to look forward to. This doesn't have to mean a trip, though studies have shown that anticipation of a trip is as exciting as the trip itself. In the spring, my big event was looking forward to city-clean-up week, so I could get much stuff out of my basement and shed, most of which was taken in an all-free-yard sale. I am searching for another event. No holidays, back-to-school, family events, etc., are on the horizon, so I must guide my husband and son into making one.
I also find that when I am down, I am not using my mind, and having no mental activity or challenge is not healthy for me. Thus, I have spent several hours reading news the last few days, working on the logic of candidates and campaigns and who I might vote for. This energized me greatly! I stopped before I got into nasty attacks.
As a side note, I find coffee a vile beverage; I mention this only because there must be more people like me out there. I like the smell and can imagine Kristen and others sitting and being soothed while they drink it, just won't join them.
YES to new library books!! You can check out audibooks and videos from the library as well. Usually I listen to non-fiction "learning" books on my morning walks, but if I'm needing novelty/fun/lightness, I switch to a fiction book (and my enjoyment is exponentially increased if the narrator is British). There are a ton of free audiobooks through the Libby app.
Trying a new baking recipe is fun for me. (NOTE: This can be dangerous for me if I don't restrict it to giving it away or baking for an event. The temptation to bake and eat sugary things limits when I do this for fun and/or what recipes I try.)
Meeting up with friends for an early morning walk is always extremely fun. It combines my routine exercise with a chance to connect and catch up.
Similarly, calling my sister and talking to her while on my walk it always wonderful.
Making a craft to give as a gift or beautify your home with materials you already have laying around is not only fun, but very satisfying.
Personally, I find binging (and even "vegging out" on) anything to be draining and leave you feeling more depleted than when you began. I think there are things that contribute to a feeling of rest/restoration, and satisfaction that are a much better investment of leisure time. Counterintuitively, taking care of my garden, even when it involves strenuous work, leaves me feeling really happy and satisfied and energized. So when I'm stressed, I go pull weeds my garden. But if I sat down and binged on something, I'd walk away feeling mad at my kids for interrupting my me time, that I didn't get enough time to myself, and unhappy and drained mentally. When you find out what those are, you can cultivate leisure activities that leave you feeling energized and filled up rather than starved for more "me time."
I feel this reader's pain. I had many years of dealing with aging, ill parents while simultaneously being mom to "littles and middles", trying to maintain a work schedule, and all the other odds and ends that make up life. At two different points in that journey, I saw counselors to help me navigate the various stressors in my life (a big one being that, while I have 3 siblings, none of them were very consistent with helping with my parents). While I am pretty good at maintaining work boundaries as well as boundaries with my husband/kids, I struggled in that area with my family of origin. I don't know if that is an issue with this particular reader, but if it is, I urge them to see a counselor as well as a physician to determine if they need treatment for anxiety and/or depression. Extended caregiving can take its toll on a person in many ways.
Kristen's other suggestions are great, as are ideas from other commenters.
Always have something planned in tne future to look forward to. A trip, a concert, a visit from friend or family, an excursion somewhere, a class or lecture, an event, anything you love to think about.
Kristen, I love being referred to as a "dear reader"! I especially appreciate your approach to looking at the fun that we often overlook and challenge our lying brains.
You mentioned you go out to dinner with friends, instead of going out to a restaurant try taking turns hosting your group of friends (bbq, picnics, cookouts, pizza party, breakfast, buffet) once a month/weekend. Or try a bonfire, new local food spot, checking out local events, summer free concerts in the park, cookie/bake swap.
During summer/fall months we plan a outdoor movie night---at a drive in movie theater or set up outside viewing area. If that's not possible plan to (go) see a movie you wanted to see (even at home).
Do something silly, something you would not usually do. Something to make you laugh.
I think that maybe we, as adults, just need a mental break & reset as life becomes more busy/auto pilot & we become wore down emotionally/physically. We remember the not perfect fun moments in life that gives us happiness & joy. Something that is not normally part of your regular daily life.
It may have been mentioned and I overlooked it. The biggest thing to remember is that IS a season. This care giving will not last forever. This concept helped me the most when living next door to my 92 y/o friend in an apartment building when I'd start to think she was occupying an awful lot of my time. The same was true when I was spending a lot of time caring for my sister with ALS. I would remember: when this is over, I will be glad for every minute I spent, every conversation I had, every memory I made. I will not regret the sacrifice of my time.
Check out local Independent Bookstores & local libraries online and sign up to attend an in-person or virtual author talk. I love those mini-vacations, in-person or on my porch at the end of a workday.
i love to read. a good book takes me to another world where i can forget my troubles. when a book grabs me at the first page i am in heaven. when i take our dog for a walk i meet so many other dog people in my apt complex. before we got buddy i had no idea how many nice people live here.
We sometimes do coffee dates for "cheap fun." While it's true that buying a cup of coffee is WAY more expensive than making it at home, $10 is cheap for a date. Plus the coffee shop near us has a lovely garden out back.
What a great post! Thank you Reader, for your honesty in asking this question! So thankful for the kind post and comments/suggestions from others. I think one thing that has really helped me when I am in that grind- work, work, caretake, caretake, grind, grind, etc. is to come to realize that I and everyone else is a human being, not a human doing. This thought is not original to me. We are harder on and less supportive of ourselves than we would be of anyone else. If we run ourselves into the ground and run fueled by exhaustion and duty, we will not be able to be there for ourselves, family, work, etc.
It is OK to not ‘do all the things’ as Kristen posted. Take some time for you, think about what you have to do, what can be left undone. Think about what encourages you or brings you happiness. Do some of those things. Realize your situation is not permanent. Eat healthy choices, rest and sleep, exercise, stay in supportive community. If you are a praying person, take time to pray and to wait, rest and listen. Thank you, once again for this question, post and community!
Around here there are several summer free outdoor movies and concerts at different local locations
I read your post and comments all the time. I, however, don't comment very often. It's been a rough week. I have three aging family members I check in with weekly. And kids and grandkiddos who don't appreciate all I do for them. I have been trying desperately to find more fun and less stressful activities. This post made my day! Thank you for all the great ideas and a reminder to find the positive in life as well! This community is the best! ~Hugs
Lately I’ve been going to our local library to work on a community puzzle. I’m often there to pick up books, but this is a totally new, fun way for me to pass time there. I just love it.
I’ve found keeping a gratitude journal is very helpful. Jotting down 3 things a day for which I’m thankful.
Many public libraries have free or very inexpensive events. So do community centers. Your local government may have more information.
In the summer, there are often free events such as movies, concerts, or art festivals. One city I live in used to have a ton of outdoor non-free concerts. I used to sit just *outside* the roped off areas and enjoy the music even if not the sights.
Go to a farmer’s market and talk to the farmers about their farms. You don’t even have to buy anything.
Hubby is retired now so I try to think of fun things to do. One day we may go out to do chores together which gives us time alone in the car to talk. Today we did a first for both of us: we went to an estate sale! What an experience. I spent $12 and we got to go into an almost million dollar home (sold just under a million) that was built in the 70's. It was a trip to go through the house. Then we went to a nearby ice cream chain for dinner.
I need to do more fun things in my life too. Yesterday I just wanted to get out of my mind/head/thinking.
Lots of great ideas, Kristen. I've looked into student rates for my city's symphony and they don't offer a program like what yours does but they do offer a discounted subscription that I'm considering.
May I make a suggestion about Shelly? I know that she's elderly and cats are very prone to arthritis and hide any ailments or pain extremely well as they'd have to in the wild and she might appreciate having an elevated food dish so she doesn't have to bend so far to eat. My last tuxie lived until he was 20 and he passed just before COVID hit. I had had him from the time that he fit in my hand. I miss that guy.
Oh, that is a good tip. Thank you!
Glad I found you on my E mail again, love your great advice for everything you post, I do have plenty time on my hand since I am retired and somehow handicapped because of my chronic pain, I know you do an incredibly job raising you children and doing social Media , thank you , for now , so long , Christine
thanks for the shelley photo.
A great benefit to adding a little joy/adventure/novelty to your daily grind is that you have more to to share with others. It seems like small talk is just small, but when you have something new to share, you feel a lil boost and the person you are talking to sees you as someone who takes the time to get out there and have a good recommendation or an interesting hobby, etc. People love hearing about someone who's seeing new places or doing something extra/beautiful even if it's small scale. Most ppl want to be excited for you and if you are happy about something, they are happy for you too!
This was soooo helpful! Thank you for your encouragement to find joy and pleasure in the day-to-day.
would you ever think of joining a different group of people you don't know, maybe go for some walks in nature! sometimes, we need variety, even with new friends! good luck!