Five Frugal Things | I know it's been quiet here
It's been a little bit quiet here, I know. I just...I haven't quite known what to say or what's appropriate to write.
Since I am a white person with privilege in multiple arenas, I am often unsure of what the helpful thing is to say at times like these.
Saying the wrong thing is bad, but sometimes, saying nothing can be even worse.
So, I want to say: racism is terrible and sad, and my heart is heavy as I listen to black people share what they face in this country on a daily basis.
I might not know what to say, but the least I can do is listen, so that is what I am trying to do.
The personal finance community and particularly the frugal blogosphere is pretty heavily populated with white people, and if you, like me, would like to broaden your horizons and follow a more diverse group of people who write/broadcast about money, here's a little list:
(I realized my Instagram feed was quite a white bubble, so I did some following to balance that out a bit. All of us learn more when we are not surrounded just by people like ourselves.)
- Nicole from Frugal Chic Life
(Nicole's Instagram post is definitely worth a read)
- Mary and Ken from The Humble Penny
(Nicole and Ken are both in my mastermind group. <3 )
- Jamila from Journey to Launch
- Julien and Kiersten from Rich and Regular
- Tiffany from Budgetnista
- Chris from Popcorn Finance
And there's a big ol' list here.
I know that some of you will not appreciate that I brought this topic up. Some people on Instagram unfollowed me yesterday for it, and I know some of you will stop reading my blog because of this post, and that's ok.
If the worst thing that happens to me for addressing racism in my own heart and in the world at large is that I lose followers...that's a pretty small price to pay.
This isn't going to become a political blog (just like it's not a blog about Christianity, even though I am a Christian), but I just did not feel right about saying nothing right now.
1. I sold Zoe's math books.
On Wednesday, she finished Saxon Algebra 1.
On Thursday, I listed the books (textbook, answer key, test book) on eBay.
On Friday, they sold and I shipped them out.
I bought those books secondhand, used them for all four of my kids, and sold them for $40. So, I'm pretty happy with that!
I used to have a whole library of Saxon math books here, but as Zoe finishes them, I promptly list them for sale. So now I am down to owning only one set of Saxon math books; the algebra 2 set.
(and you know I'm selling that as soon as Zoe finishes in 2 years!)
2. I sold Zoe's ornithology book.
Do we see a theme here? Finished non-consumable schoolbooks do not collect dust around here. Heh.
Sometimes I think, oh, I should wait and list these when it's closer to the start of the next school year.
But they do seem to sell in pretty short order even when I list them in the spring/early summer.
And you know I like to get clutter out of here FAST.
3. We got 3 tree-removal estimates.
In the process, we discovered that we have not one dead oak tree, but two. Sigh.
The estimates varied quite wildly; we are saving $3600 by going with the low vs. the high estimate.
In the end we are paying $2500 for the removal of two oak trees plus removal of dead branches from the other five or six oak trees out there (we have a lot of oak trees!).
And this is a company that we've used before, so we feel confident that they will do a good job.
4. We paid $0.12 out of pocket for dinner for two.
The girls were all not here last night, so Mr. FG and I got takeout and used the rest of our Panera gift card (that one I found in my glove compartment!), plus a $15 gift card from Christmas.
Our total out of pocket was twelve cents. 🙂
5. I...
- ordered a secondhand book
- used my Target Redcard debit card for a 5% discount (every bit helps!)
- drank coffee at home
- ate leftovers
- bought some marked-down meat and put it in the freezer
What frugal things have you been up to?
P.S. It's totally fine to comment on the racism part of this post too. I trust that you lovely bunch of people will keep the tone kind and thoughtful and that we can disagree without being disagreeable.
Great post especially the part about listening to people’s experiences of racism. I am from the UK and we have the same problem here, I live in a bubble too with my of my colleagues, friends and students being white and I think listening and finding opportunities to listen is very important. I will look at those blogs.
On a frugal note, my husband upgraded our broadband but scored a lower price, great negotiation skills!
I worked in our garden, made all meals from scratch, fixed some toys for the kids, WFH for my day job and homeschooled my kids. I have never been so busy; I am shielding (UK term for not leaving your home because you are medically extra high risk). So no takeaways, or trips out for our family for the foreseeable future.
Thanks for the lovely blog
Thanks for addressing the topic! I live in a suburb of Minneapolis and the tension in every conversation, related to race or not, is very high. These conversations need to happen. If no one starts the conversation, no one is going to learn.
My heart is heavy watching what is happening to my community. While I don't live in the neighborhood that was the center of this tragedy, I have visited that neighborhood, shopped in those store, ate in those restaurants. I have friends who have family members that lived blocks away and friends who had family businesses burned to the ground. I had to make the difficult choice to not let my son spend time with his dad who lives within walking distance of protests and whose neighborhood is boarded up to avoid looting (his dad completely agreed).
It isn't easy to know what to say or what to do. But if these conversations don't start we won't be able to move forward to help make this a world we are proud to leave to our kids. So thank you for being open about how hard it is to know what to say, we have to start somewhere.
Beautifully said, thank you so much Geneva. I will be rereading this in the days ahead as it has given me much to think about, as has Kristen's eloquent post today.
Thank you for standing against racism and seeking to learn more and listen to those who experience it daily. My heart is heavy for what I've seen in my city, state and country, and I am trying to listen and learn, too.
Frugal things:
1. Getting tree care estimates before plunging headfirst with a company.
2. Placing grocery order online--I save money because it's harder for me to impulse buy when I see the price as I add things to my virtual cart.
3. Borrowing books from the library (yay for curbside pickup!), right now a handful of books about racial discrimination that have been recommended on social media.
4. became a member of the local Buy Nothing Group
5. Had day old coffee with a friend on a porch (still 6ft of distance) this morning. "Old fashioned" face to face time is remarkably inexpensive.
I really do not understand why mentioning the troubles in our world, the corona virus, or being distressed by an act of a racial violence, is considered 'political'. Calling it political and expecting people to therefore stop mentioning is odd in itself, and it seems like an excuse to not discuss something that affects us all in our heart and mind and our life every single day.
I hear you. Discussing laws or elections or something like that would definitely be strictly political. But how do we define it beyond that? I guess in some sense, almost anything COULD be political, since there's legislation about almost anything.
But maybe people just are sort of using the word "political" synonymously with "controversial".
I don't know for sure. I don't think what I wrote today was political, but I know that a typical response to words like that on a financial blog is, "Why did you have to get political??"
I like the word 'social' here, I think. I agree that the word 'political' has come to be a substitute for 'controversial'.
Slightly off-topic and self-centered, but my academic training is as a linguist, which is a social science. I have also had my eyes opened much more widely this week about the importance of words. They have meaning and both intent and impact matter. It's just a reminder that I do what I do every day because I believe that it is important to give people space to understand that.
Profesora, I hear about the importance of words. Are you familiar with Suzette Hayden Elgin's "Native Tongue" trilogy? It's science fiction, but the focus is on people and on the importance of language, especially for oppressed classes. (IMHO, the first book is terrific, the second has some good parts, and the third isn't worth reading a second time and maybe not a first.)
The word "political" seems to have shifted over the past decades to mean "manipulative." Rather than thinking of "political" solutions as being developing good systems, it has come to mean developing unfair ones, or solutions that advantage one powerful group over another weaker one.
My field is rhetoric, a word that used to mean the study of persuasion, used with integrity and justice. It now implies unfounded statements with no sincerity behind them, said just to make someone sound good, without the commitment behind them, (as Prof. H-B said, words have intent and impact).
You are a good person Kristen and a friend to all--regardless of race, gender, etc. etc.
I do want to be a friend to all, and I am so grateful that you see my desire.But at the same time, I realize more and more that I really do not understand what it's like to be a black person in America. I mean, the fact that I am shocked to read my friend Nicole's patient refused to be treated by her because she's black? That means I have not been listening as much as I should have been.
These kinds of things are heartbreaking to hear, but listening helps me to have compassion and understanding, and I want to do more of it. <3
It is indeed hard to know what to say -- there is so much right now with the death of Mr. Floyd and the pandemic and the general hardness of life, but I think acknowledging and expressing your authentic sadness are wonderful responses. I also think your self reflecting about what is happening in your blog and then working towards change are wonderful responses as well. I want to do that as well in my work and to continue doing that faithfully. It is the "continuing to do" that is the hardest for me. I feel a lot of discomfort right now and assume that I will be carrying that feeling into the future.
Thanks for addressing this, Kristen. I've been so heartened to see my fellow white Christians take up the labor of empathy for people who don't look like us. (I've been terribly disappointed by other fellow white Christians, but I'm focusing on the good for the moment.) I have so much to learn. I'm excited to do it and I'm excited to use my privileges for the good of others and not just myself.
Thanks for leaving the space to process these feelings a little more. I, too, am prepared to lose some followers and IRL friends. I've decided that it's worth my personal loss to give other people some of the safety that I nearly always feel as a white, English-speaking, Christian woman in the United States. It's okay if I have a little bit less social contact with people who think that it's okay to treat other people as less than human and then tell them that it's their job to just 'get over it'.
I don't know that I have been super frugal this week. I'm tired from staying up late processing my feelings with my husband (making sure I do not burden my friends of color with this task). I feel like there is a connection between frugality and social justice; I'm just not sure how to articulate it today. I think my biggest takeaway from my homework so far is that I cannot excuse racism or discrimination ever again. More importantly, I do not want to be a person that prioritizes stuff over human life. Actually, I think *that* might be the connection to frugality.
Anyway.
1) I didn't do what I often do, which is to sink tons of money into a newly awakened cause or interest. I diversified my social media feed, started some homework, ordered two books from an independent bookseller, and made some small donations to organizations that I believe can help. I am also committed to sending letters/postcards to my local politicians. I might even be able to get uncomfortable enough to make some phone calls.
2) I didn't rush out to buy comfort food when I felt overwhelmed.
3) I filled up my gas tank yesterday for the first time since March.
4) We lowered our internet bill by $50/month yesterday. It's still too high, but we're prioritizing the simplicity of not changing service while I'm trying to be a professor online.
5) I cooked some sausage that was almost iffy and made sandwiches with the sourdough bread in my freezer.
I really enjoy Journey to Launch and also the great Michelle Singletary's writing on personal finance.
Kristen, life is filling me with deep despair lately. My nightly prayer for world peace has gotten more geographically specific these days. 🙁
Onto the frugal things, as we must keep on keeping on:
1. Used some drugstore coupons to buy 2 big jugs of laundry detergent, 2 small bottles of dish detergent, and a box of dryer sheets for less than a dollar.
2. Stopped at a yard sale in our neighborhood and bought a photo frame, two vintage children's books for the wee boys in my life, a Homer Laughlin china platter and a big pile of fabric and craft felt for a total of $9. I wore my mask and stopped when the sale had no other customers.
3. Goodwill has reopened here but I am reluctant to spend any time in a store that is not absolutely essential, so I looked on eBay to replace my favorite Clark’s sandals and found them at a great price. Also bought two blouses for work from eBay and got a $3 discount by making a slightly lower offer on one with some damage on a sleeve cuff, since I plan to shorten the sleeves anyhow.
4. After a work-at-home accident in which I ran into the glass door of our home office when my husband closed it during his video meeting, I traced around a drinking glass on a scrap of some clear Contac paper to make a design of big matte dots at eye level on the glass. My cost was only some time spent thinking about it.
5. We had some small russet gold potatoes that needed to be used up along with some marinara sauce and mushrooms I made a kind of lasagna in bowls with slices of potato instead of sheets of pasta. It was a bit weird but good, especially with the addition of some spinach and colby Jack cheese. Pandemic leftover cooking for the win!
6. Bonus: Trimmed my homemade pixie cut today. Maintenance is much easier than the initial big chop of a month ago, so I am very pleased with how it turned out.
I appreciate your words --- both the preface to the "usual" frugal post and the post itself. I, too, have wondered what I should be doing in regards to this racism, as a human being who is a white woman. I am trying to learn more and search out answers to the questions. Our town had both peaceful protests and some rioting on Sunday that has dwindled down but is still present. I see the hurt and the division and it makes me sad. I am also the grandmother of a Houston police officer and pray for his safety along with those he is sent out to protect during the protests.
Kristen, I sincerely appreciate you addressing these racial issues yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised. A couple people I follow have said nothing and they come across as out of touch and insincere. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I appreciate how you address current events and also, very importantly, linked to written work by black people. It's critical for all of us to learn from diverse sources. Thank you.
As for 5 frugal things:
1. We trimmed back some tree branches ourselves instead of hiring it out.
2. We were given a used outdoor play structure by a family member for our toddler - all we had to do was rent a truck and come disassemble it. Our family member helped us with disassembly too!
3. We may have gotten lucky with our uhaul rental - their system was down and unable to finish processing transactions, but they let us use a truck anyway, so we may have gotten that for free. I have to double check though.
4. We spread 12 yards of mulch ourselves, saving at least $600.
5. I'm taking 2 community college classes this summer instead of taking them at the University next year - saving $3000.
The more I listen and learn, the more I'm realizing we have to speak and stand up for our black Americans. The will be no change until we work together to root out institutional racism. I thank you for your thoughtful post.
I am blown away (and saddened) that people would unfollow you for bringing up something that effects us all. Talking about racism, bringing the dark ugly of racism out into the light, in my opinion is the only way we are going to hopefully change and rid our world of it. I don't have any answers, but can continue to teach my children, both with words and actions, that God created each of us. We are each unique and wonderfully made, and all deserve kindness and equal treatment. I pray for the day when color, or any other difference doesn't matter.
I love you, Kristen! Thanks for commenting about the pain in this country.
I deeply appreciate that you addressed the racism issue, however deeply or glancingly. It would have felt wrong to glide over it, even if the blog is about something else entirely. Doing so would be erase the racism that are the genesis of the recent protests and riots.
I can't think of much frugal I did this week: I got take out, I ordered food, I ordered books. I'm going to have a lot of frugal not-buying in the coming weeks, though, as both my freezers are so stuffed as to be practically unusable. Inventorying the deep freezer was the quite the challenge - which, of course, was why it was so necessary.
It is hard to believe that people would unfollow you for expressing yourself on the issues of dealing with racism.
A sad commentary that only reinforces the need for both conversation and listening.
It is HUMAN, not political, to express concern for the injustices shown to our fellow men and women.
You are honest in saying what many feel (we don't know what to say that will be helpful and not harmful) but cannot say and therefore say or do NOTHING.
It is in the silence that racism, bigotry and hatred thrive. (The old "all it takes for evil to succeed is the silence of good people")
It is reassuring that you, as a person of faith, are indeed saddened by injustice that is out there.
Now we must all do what we can beyond listening to take action to generate the systemic change that is needed.
Right now, that is voting at the local and national level to ensure that fair men and women who will ACT to create laws (and to have them enforced) to protect our fellow citizens.
Our earth suits may be different, but one either believes we are all the same and deserving of respect, or one does not. The less said about the latter, the better.
As a white woman, I cannot imagine what it must be like to live in fear every day for your life (and you are NOT being paranoid) and for that of your friends and family.
Right now, we must all do what we can to encourage peaceful demonstrations and to create an environment that does not support hatred no matter the form it is expressed in. Unfortunately, we do not have a government that supports the rights of all our people in this country, so change will be hard.
I agree, silence is sometimes the worst thing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
As for frugal things:
1. We just moved into our house about 1 year ago. It needed a lot of work both inside and outside. There is a large tree with old gardening bricks and small rocks around it. I do not want to care for this area and am trying to simplify the yard as much as possible. I posted the bricks and rocks on Buy Nothing and had someone come yesterday. Free gardening and items are getting reused!
2. My husband installed a new bathroom fan, lights, and light switch in our bathroom. Total was about $150. Much cheaper than if we paid someone to do this work.
3. Picked up a work shirt, off Buy Nothing, that was in great shape.
4. Paid our trash disposal bill for the whole year, which saved us $30. Also paid my cell phone bill for the whole year. We use Mint Mobile, while costs $15 if you pay the full year.
5. Found a few books in our local Little Library
Not so frugal: my daughter started daycare again this week and dropped my 6 month old phone causing the screen to crack 🙁
Good for you. Racism is not a political issue, it is a human rights issue. Thank you for taking a stand and being informative. I think it’s important for businesses to have values. And clearly, anti-racism is a Christian value! Hugs in advance for any backlash you might experience!
1) Smoked ribs, but low on apple wood. Instead of going to store to buy we cut branches from our apple tree.
2) Red potatoes are a lot more expensive than russet potatoes. So used russet to make potatoes. The trick is to cook potatoes until just cooked and cool and refrigerate before cutting.
3) Went to Safeway instead of Fred Meyer to buy corn on the cob. Safeway had a much better sale on corn.
4) Bought butter on sale.
5) Baking bread at home.
Kristen, I'm saddened that anyone would have unfollowed you for saying what you did--especially since I'm trying to approach things myself from a similar perspective of humility, kindness, and willingness to put my own white female privilege aside and learn something.
In that spirit, I'm going to leave my own FFT for next time. I have some personal news, but it'll keep.
Thank you for speaking out about racism. I’m sorry if you will lose some followers over your choice. I will read you more often and in the end you may well gain more readers than you lose. And you will be able to sleep at night knowing you have done the right thing.
Love your brave and broken and humble heart.
Can you teach me/us about selling books on eBay? Specifically with choosing shipping options, when using media mail. I’m not sure which of the 3 shipping options is best, or his to use each option well.
1. I sold my first book on eBay. While thrifting, I saw a book in collector’s edition that is so popular in our teen department. I bought for $1 & sold for $14:)
2. I’ve sold a lot of baby/toddler items we had in storage or recently outgrew, using Facebook garage sales. Made $50.
3. Used 40% off coupon at CVS on shampoo I needed. Did not buy extra fun purchases:)
4. Researched and found a great non-toxic, non-scented bubble bath (Alaffia brand) at a good price. My girls love bubble baths, but the drugstore brand’s ingredients kept me from buying. Good to find that sometimes healthier skin products are more affordable:)
5. Started saving my girl’s cut off sandwich crusts (in a bag in freezer) for feeding the ducks.
*how, not his
Your comments about racism and white privilege are appreciated and make me even more glad to be a follower. I stand with you.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on racism. I too benefit from white privilege and find it hard to know how to best support our black community. Being open to listening to the trails and tribulations they face every day seems like such a small thing on my part but it does help me see the injustice in our world. I love that you shared links that will help me get out of my "white social media bubble". It's hard for me to accept that you could lose followers for such a non-political post because it shows how intolerant and divided our society has become.
As for frugal things:
1. Cooked at home every night even when I was tired and sad and didn't want to cook
2. Used pantry and freezer stuff this week for meals so I avoided a trip to the grocery store this week.
3. Stocked up toilet paper and tissues at Costco when they had our favorite brands so I won't be forced to go out hunting for places that have them in stock.
4. Filled up with gas while we were at Costco since their price is the lowest in my area
5. Shared gardening supplies with our daughter and son-in-law so they didn't have to buy duplicates of what we already have
Yes about the division. The inability of our culture to remain in contact with people once we disagree on something or have a different perspective is disheartening.
How will people ever influence anyone for good if they cancel/cut off everyone who disagrees with them? That kind of behavior is what increases the sameness of our bubbles. As a fluffy example, I don't want just already-frugal people to read my blog. Then I'll just be preaching to the choir. I also want people who are not as good with money to read my blog.
Or as a Christian, I don't just want Christians to read my blog! And I don't read just blogs that are written by Christians either.
If someone is being disrespectful or rude, then ok, I can see breaking ties. But breaking ties just because you disagree seems off to me.
You said it very well - how can we influence anyone for good if they cancel/cut off everyone who disagrees with them. I feel this is a major issue in America now and it saddens me greatly.
Just like I put a card in the mail to each family who loses a loved one, even though I don’t know what to say, I feel that showing up is important. Today I learned that helpful this to say are, “I am sorry. I am listening. I am learning.”
A deep hearted ‘I’m sorry’ from me today.
1. We moved and our house was a disaster. We are working on it. My mother admired our bathroom curtains. I told her they were a remake of curtains that covered our kids closet 20 years ago! I have tried to keep the budget down on ‘decor’ since the actual renovations are adding up.
2. I cooked a chicken in the instapot for the first time. It was delicious and saved energy over using the oven, and also did not heat my kitchen up. Several wins there!
3. I called for a refund on an item I returned that had not been refunded. It was done immediately !
4. I received some organic chamomile tea from my Buy-Nothing group, and I gave away 3 items through the same group. I also received homegrown peas from a neighbor.
5. I keep working on my Etsy shop. It is what I can do (there’s lots I can’t do) to help my family financially. I’m listing some Father’s Day gifts this week. I’d love some shop visits!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/FabricSpeaks
Just put in an order at your shop. Had to say Hi since you seem to live in my hometown! Happy Santa Rosa to you - must be warmish up there today. All the best to you.
Thank you! I sent you a message through Etsy too! I’m new at it but I have always wanted to give it a try. And after giving my sewn items as gifts for years and years, and receiving such good feedback,I decided I could be brave and try selling.
It is hot up here!
Life feels heavy now. The covid crisis is relatively new but racism is persistent and has come to a head these past few days. I work with a lovely woman who is African American. Over the past few months I have had the uncomfortable opportunity to watch patients refuse to speak or make eye contact with her when the two of us have been treating patients. All interactions have been directed at me, the white one in the room, even during times when she is clearly the expert. It's a very small glimpse of what she goes through all the time and it hurts to see it. I don't know the answer or the best way to react but burying our heads in the sand is only going to make things worse.
That's so sad. 🙁 Imagine dealing with that day in and day out.
We have had some really good conversations about it so that's a positive.
Thank you for making care for others a dominant theme in your life, and in your blog.
The challenges for African-American women are not quite the same as those for men. Their circumstances need, and I hope will receive, more attention in the coming months as well.
The stress on law enforcement families now must be worse than ever.
These conversations are much more easily done with the nuances of face-to-face conversation. I will search out opportunities to have them live!
For frugal notes,
1. We voted in our state primary election yesterday. I consider this frugal because it directly influences my family's future. True, I am of the minority party in a state that rarely has the votes to become the majority temporarily. But I still practiced doing some research for what I need to do in November.
2. In a few weeks when the soil has settled, we will be getting new gravel for our driveway and a sidewalk that slopes away from instead of toward the house. This is my positive take on last week's drama of replacing the waterline that involved digging from the street to the house.
3. We will be able to pay for said waterline from savings. It pushed back priorities of new roof, dying tree removal, and upcoming anticipated deaths of 20 year old appliances and AC. But it shouldn't have to be done again until we are long gone from this house.
4. Planting grass seed today when it rains, again related to digging above. Wishing for lots of rain over the next week so I don't have to water by hand.
5. Neighbor had large tree removed and told me the name of the company that was much less expensive than others locally. I respect their training, expertise, equipment, time, risk, and need for insurance. And I wish lightning would just strike and knock the tree down!
The situation in this country is a problem for all of us - if we can't acknowledge it, it won't change. It's uncomfortable but we can't pretend everything's fine. It's not fine. Glad you're using the platform you have to say something even though you might feel you have to tread lightly.
I hung some frames I had lying around with watercolor paintings I had bought over 10 years ago in France and found a fourth frame for a free printable that matched and was a perfect fit for my girls' bathroom. The artwork freshened up the space with zero dollars spent.
Brainstormed on some camp themes we can do at home since my daughters school ended this week. We're saving a lot of money on kids activities/classes but I want to make sure they're still doing things that interest them so we came up some themes for the next few weeks: LEGO (they're building a LEGO city), baking, board games, and drawing.
These are little but little efforts over time add up...instead of tossing out half a potato, i shredded it up and made a hashbrown in my waffle iron. cut up and froze a few bananas before they went bad. Perfect for my smoothies. Been cutting off the mushy ends of some apricots from in-laws' yard and eating the good parts. My daughter creatively used up some soft strawberries to make sorbet. Found a bag of black beans in the back of the cupboard so I made them in my instant pot and then froze the remaining servings. Bought the ingredients for salad separately instead of the bagged kit my family wanted. Used tea towels instead of paper towels.
Mixed up some DIY dishwasher detergent and all purpose scrub for the sinks and bathrooms.
We typically travel quite a bit so we have credit cards that offer travel credits. Since that's not an option, a few of the cc companies are allowing customers to use the credit toward groceries and other expenses so we've been making sure we've been using the right cards for the right kinds of expenses.
Thank you for your honesty and openness. It IS better to say something. Something feels missing when people skim over so enormous an issue. Let's just hope this demonstration of frustration and outrage--justified by far--has a legislative effect this time. Thank you again, Kristen, for your writing and caring.
Thanks for your courage. We should all be concerned about what is happening now. So sad some people would choose to drop you. A lot of cold, uncaring people in this country. Selfishness is rampant. Until it affects them. Let us pray for them that they become more compassionate.
Thank you for not being silent.
I have always appreciated your approach to sharing your life and your views without being preachy or making it seem like your way is the only way. You truly exhibit Christian values in that way. And I agree with others that racism is a human rights issue, not a political issue. It's hard to talk about but I applaud your post and I stand with you.
Rachel, while I completely agree with everything you said, it's your first sentence that highlights one of the reasons I'm such a big fan of Kristen, her blog and The Frugal Girl community. It saddens me to think that anyone would walk away from this blog following such a thoughtful, honest and heartfelt expression of angst.
Kristen, well said and nicely done. Thank you for speaking up and voicing what many of us feel in our hearts.
I typed like four different comments and deleted them all, which is just another way of saying that I have no idea what to say, either. But I'm glad you said something. And the news last week brought me to tears.
I understand that because I did the same thing writing this post. You type something and then wonder, am I saying something helpful or am I being patronizing/causing more hurt to the black community?
But it seems like the path forward is to try, even if it's a little clumsy, and as we keep on trying and keep on listening, we will eventually get better at this.
I don’t know fear to say either My husband is a police officer. He wants peace. I am praying for everyone, protesters and police officers.
May he stay safe, and be an agent of change within his department and field.
How about adding to the horribleness of racism, that it does NOT justify looting and burning.
this is a pretty helpful article and illustrates the point that when we focus on property destruction, we lose sight of the issue at hand, which is that police kill people (about 1000/year) and kill black people at a disproportionate rate (https://www.forbes.com/sites/morgansimon/2020/06/01/stop-focusing-on-looting-and-start-focusing-on-police-accountability/?fbclid=IwAR3RjaqkClHFNnN55RLtzqnXWEYeFlIgomzNgoh02XCq5E6FRbgZsPP8Gf8#4d1034d16c1a)
Kristen, thank you for speaking your truth.
Thank you for speaking up, Kristin. I am sad you lost followers. I had such positive feelings about you and your community, and I guess I assumed people like that weren’t part of it. Re: looting— it is scary for me, and it does not bode well for progress, that we see reality so differently. I live in one of the cities with major protests. It is hard for me to understand internet folks who keep saying “but the looting.” It feels a bit like complaining about the deck chair arrangement on the Titanic, in the face of murder. But more significant to me is that some people perceive the protestors as lawless looters overall, while I hear scary military-style helicopters at night, and see heavily armed police use tear gas and batons against people in shorts. (I would feel a lot physically safer if I saw law enforcement resources being directed to curb the opportunistic looters (there are certainly some)). Speaking out, like Kristin is, as so important. But I am pessimistic about unity when there is so much disagreement about basic reality. Ps- On a happier note, one thing I love about the blog is that frugality, or at least trying to minimize materialism, is very much against the grain in our society. Perhaps frugality is good practice for questioning the status quo in other areas!
Yep, same here. I just remind myself that the more voices speaking up in different ways are more opportunities to influence someone in a positive way. You never know what combination of words will strike a chord.
Thank you for speaking up. <3
Love this! You have such a way with words, and the roundup is especially helpful. Thanks for speaking up!
Thank you, Kristen for not being silent.
It's an entirely different world out there for a person of color. For starters, being asked all the time where you're from. If I say I'm from Virginia, the question that follows is, where you're "really" from, or I get the look that says I don't look so Virginian.
Unless you're a Native American, we're all here from someplace else, the times of arrival may be different, but everyone is just the same American.
Anyways, I want you to know that I'm glad that you spoke.
"The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people but because of the silence of good people" - Napoleon Bonaparte.
I am not from where I sound like I’m from. I grew up in England and I have an English accent. I was born to American parents. I live in the US. When people ask me where I’m from, I answer ‘I grew up in England.’ That’s really the question they are asking. They just don’t know how to ask it very well.
I am a little confused by this response. What is the question people are trying to ask but not asking well? I read the Virginia poster as feeling hurt because the questions imply she isn’t “really” Virginian, due to skin color, when the questioners are not asking white people where they are “really from.” Of course, with all the folks interested in genealogy and DNA testing, many white people might find it interesting to discuss where they are “really from!” Certainly experience varies, as the person with the British accent shows. But my experience is we don’t usually ask white people where they are “really” from, once they say Virginia or Texas or whatever.
Long time reader--never commented. I'm from NY where white people always hyphenate their identity. I'm Jewish-American others are Italian-American, Irish-American, Greek-American etc. We're proud to be American (maybe not this week) but also proud of our heritage. We're open to others, and that might be because we acknowledge our differences. I live in the South now and will never get used to people talking about things being done in a certain way because it's always be done that way. I say Jewish-American rather than giving a country because until we came to the USA we never had a country we could say we were citizens of. We weren't allowed to own land, have a profession (except for moneylender which nobody could afford) vote, own property, or do other things citizens could do. Men could, however, be drafted into the Czar's army to fight their own people. Many of us are "liberal" because we grew up on those stories and stories about social injustice in America.
"But my experience is we don’t usually ask white people where they are “really” from, once they say Virginia or Texas or whatever."
I think that is many people's experience. Usually this happens when how you look or how you sound seems to 'add up' in the question asker's head. And people who don't 'match' what they answer, in my experience, they get further questions.
What I meant by 'people don't ask very well' is that they would like to ask 'where is your accent from'. I think that they think this is too direct. So they ask the more general question of 'where are you from'. When I answer California to this question, I get further question. Almost always. And so I help them out by answering with the information they wanted to know, rather than answering the question they asked.
It's not a judgement. It is simply a different experience when how you look/sound is different than the majority culture/ethnic group.
I can see where this is a very sensitive question for people of color, though, given the fact that they are so often told, "Go back to Africa!" or "Go back to Mexico/fill in the blank".
If you a repeatedly told that kind of thing, then I can completely see how questions about where you are from start to feel a little scary.
No one has ever told me, "Go back to Germany!" even though that is where my family is largely from. So this type of question doesn't feel at all threatening to me. Sadly, that is not the experience of many non-white people.
A lot of my Asian-American friends and Asian-American students are asked the same thing: where are you from? This is before they say anything -- it is just assumed that, because they do not look like a White American, they must be from somewhere else.
1.) My outdoor dryer vent broke down (the flaps crumbled after 8 years or so outside) and thanks to curbside pickup (and no thanks to my oppressive state) I was able to buy it from a local hardware store (and American made to boot.) The part was $7 and I already had the caulk.
2.) Made yogurt, bread and pizza dough instead of buying it. Nothing new but it keeps going.
3.) Paid my car insurance in full so I got a nice discount on top of the discount they already gave me.
4.) Got a few things for free from my brother and giving him some items for free. Nice to share with others and saves stuff from becoming junk and also saves us both from spending money we don't have to.
5.) Took some vacation time off. It's been stressful enough and I could use a break.
Thank you for speaking up.
“White feelings should never be held in higher regard than black lives.” — Rachel Cargle
The constant media barrage of violence and destruction have made this week especially difficult. Until it ends, there does not seem to be any hope of us moving forward as a country to address the challenges we are facing. I pray that peace, wisdom, love and understanding will guide each of us and our leaders.
I guess some people feel so overwhelmed by what's going on that they want to see nothing about it in the areas they read/watch/contribute, so much so that they get angry if they do see it? I'm not one of them. While I avoid sites with angry rants about politics and "the other side," I feel it's impossible to ignore what's going on now and don't mind seeing a comment on it. I appreciate the kind tone here. Thanks for the links, too.
Okay, the frugal list:
1. There was a book I really wanted to read, and can't get at the library at all even under loan, so I got it used online. I think it was $1.99 for an old hardback.
2. I am bringing my husband's old geranium plant back to life, slowly but surely. It's cheaper than buying a new plant for that nice pot.
3. I brewed another batch of kombucha. I love the stuff, and it's $3.50 to $4 a pint bottle around here. I can make a gallon of it for less than that even using organic tea and sugar.
4. I sometimes wonder how much I've saved over the years by not using paper and plastic dishes, utensils and napkins? Someone recently sort of chided me for using "real" plates because they are "so much work" -- honestly, plates are about the simplest, fastest thing to wash, with or without a dishwasher.
5. I'm using my pressure cooker as an "oven" a lot, now that the summer heat is here to stay for a while.
Keep up the good work, Kristen!
I appreciate your comments on the racism problem. It has been heavy on my heart and I have been trying to figure out how best to help.
FFT:
1. I have been picking up groceries at Sam's Club and have been mostly happy with what they bring me. The other day I discovered they gave me a bag of baby carrots that were weeks past the Best By date. They were slimy. I sent a quick email and they offered to extend my membership to make up for it (or I could have received an egift card with a small value). Given that I did not complain when I had two bags that contained moldy apples nor when most of the oranges in a bag were dried out inside I did not feel bad about accepting the offer.
2. Last weekend several people in the neighborhood put items out with Free signs on them. We brought home some Closetmaid baskety shelves. They have seen better days but will be fine in the basement for storage. I also brought home a couple glass mugs and a few kitchen utensils.
3. We have had a nightmare experience trying to get Home Depot to deliver an order. They are scheduled to come tomorrow (attempt number three). After the first failed attempt I was told that I should get a refund for the delivery charge. I am not going to ask for it until after the delivery actually takes place.
4. I am cutting up watermelons that yield oodles of fruit mostly for the cost of labor.
5. Meals at home, meals at home, meals at home. All entertainment is almost free: walking with a friend, meeting outside with my knitting friends (with mask and physical distancing).
I really, really appreciate you using your platform for this purpose! Thank you! <3
Thank you, Kristen. Especially for sharing the links to frugal bloggers of color. I immediately listened to several episodes by Nicole.
My son participated in some of the protests, and I have to admit I was a little nervous, but everything went well.
We also need some trees removed and need to look into tree removal people also, if you have any tips on how to get the quotes.
Take care.
We are experiencing the biggest nationwide wave of unrest in 50 years. That is a fact.
Living in a suburb of the Twin Cities, it is appalling & shameful to admit that there is a culture of racism in the Minneapolis city police force. Our governor recently initiated a civil rights investigation of the Minneapolis police department. The University of Minnesota & the Minneapolis public schools recently severed contracts with the Minneapolis police.
Real change often comes from the darkest hour. Good must come from this unspeakable tragedy in order for our city, state & nation to heal.
I did a freezer inventory.I had stocked up quite a bit since March and was unsure of what exactly I had to work with.Now I can meal plan more efficiently and I found some small leftovers we can eat for lunches in the coming week.
No entertainment expenses, no meals out, no shows or movies at the theater. Since March of course. No craft supplies, no thrift store purchases.Saving a bundle.
Pulled out and are using ALL our games: Rummecube,cards,Scrabble,Yahtzee. I put a game we had that we did NOT play .. "AZUL" .. on my freebie town website and gave it to a local Mom who is trying keep a family of 4 kids busy at home during this pandemic. I love that later that evening she messaged me that they were playing and enjoying it!!
Since I mostly need my contacts for driving,I am saving a ton by not using them at home..I just slip on my Zennie cheapo glasses to watch TV. Dollar store readers for reading. I have BOXES of contacts that I am stockpiling for when I am out and about once again (ever????????)
Using my Cloud Library a LOT.. free books online from my local library,using my library card.
Eating EVERY morsel of purchased food-- no waste! After going through momentary shortages of meat, tofu,rice,beans, toilet paper of course, etc.. I am aware on an extraordinary level , now, how important every bite is..I "get" how my depression era-raised Mom in law saved even 2 tablespoons of peas.
Hope you and your family are safe and sound! I miss my social events a lot, but am a homebody to a point so am not suffering as much as some. And I have a great spouse to keep me company.
Really, really appreciate you taking the time & emotional energy to put your thoughts out there. As a white woman, I worry I will say the wrong thing while attempting to be supportive, and will get it wrong. Lately I've realized that's a risk I need to take, because minorities face risks 100x bigger than that in there every day lives. It's from a position of a lot of privilege that I get to worry about what I say impacting others as the only wrong possible outcome.
It's been a really hard time & it's hard not to feel helpless. How can my voice make a difference when the problems are so systemic? But, thank you for reminding me that we can all raise our voices together, which has the power to bring about much bigger changes. I also really appreciate the links to other bloggers. Looking forward to checking them out.
Frugality. Let's see. Same as usual, for the most part.
1) It's the time for tree trimming & tree bids. We also received a few, and are going with a less expensive option. We are also trimming our neighbor's tree for her, as it was included in our bid (we'd wanted some branches trimmed that were on our side) & she was very pleased.
2) Eliminated "aspirational" produce from Imperfect Produce box, and swapped in things I know we will eat.
3) Sold/listed a bunch of stuff on eBay. Had a record breaking six sales in one day.
4) Using repurposed Amazon/shop bags to mail eBay sales
5) Lots of meal planning & leftovers, to reduce waste
Thank you for you post.
Listening and learning is good but maybe not enough. As a member of the white privileged class I’ve been asked what can we do? Here’s a start:
https://www.fastcompany.com/90511856/7-black-owned-businesses-to-support-right-now
https://blacklivesmatter.com/contact/
Thank you for addressing racism in our country. I always urge my fellow white friends to speak out against racism. When we get privilege white people to speak out against racist we can start implementing policies so we can stop being targeted. I might agree politically with you but I do appreciate your blog and posts.
Check out Anthony Oneal and Chris Hogan. They both are with Ramsey solutions. I love Chris's 2 books. I have learned a lot about investing for retirement because of him. If people want to unfollow you, so be it. The rest of us are here enjoying and learning from you. OK. here are my 5
1 A friend is working part time at a butcher shop while he is furloughed from his normal job. He has been bringing home so many bones to his wife that she can't keep up with them. They offered some to a bunch of people. I am the only one who said yes. He brought me 2 large bags of pork bones. I made a large pot of sauce and tossed them in. I cooked it until the meat fell off the bones. It was delicious. I froze several meals for future. I also got some chicken bones. I boiled them and picked off the meat. There was enough for chicken salad for us for lunch. I also froze all of the stock.
2. All of my gardens are in . I have been picking kale and swiss chard. I have used it several times this week. Last night I sauted the kale with olive oil, garlic and red pepper flakes. So yummy.
3 It was my birthday last week so I got a free pastry from Panera. I picked it up through the drive thru on my way home from work.
4 All laundry was washed on cold and hung outside.
5. Hubby sold an old bike that he hasn't ridden in years. He listed it and it was gone in less then an hour. Cash in, stuff out.
Kristen,
Thank you so much for speaking out about issues and being okay with not knowing what to say. A wonderful phrase I hear a lot in so many different areas of learning about issues that are considered controversial, is consenting to learn in public. The idea of being able to talk about our journey of learning and understanding issues that we didn't address before. I am always surprised to find a new thing out about a topic I felt pretty well versed in. And sometimes disappointed in myself for not knowing more sooner. Growing in our understanding no matter our age is not a bad thing. I've been very disappointed to see how many people I know personally who are refusing to acknowledge the current situation.
I am being decidedly unfrugal this week in finding ways to spend money with black businesses (restaurants mostly) and donate to a lot of causes because I am lucky enough to still be employed.
Thank you for your willingness to not be silent. As a ww, I appreciate other white people who refuse to let the closet racists be uncomfortable in our space. As a mother of two bi-racial sons thank you for amplifying the voices of p.o.c.
Thank you so much for addressing racism. Too many people have been quiet for far too long. Yes, it's a hard topic, but it's critical to talk, listen, learn and share. It's sad that some people unfollowed you. Their loss ~ in more ways than one.
Our frugal things:
~ sticking with at-home coffee
~ eating dinner leftovers for lunch
~ sticking with a well-prepared list at the grocery store
~ submitted an OTC medication receipt to our flexible spending account (a bit time-consuming, but worth it!). Not sure if you or your readers have a flexible spending account, but since COVID started, the plans are now accepting OTC items and first aid items for reimbursement (without a prescription).
~ my teen son is currently working out at home, running and riding his bike rather than returning to the gym (they have re-opened in Texas)
Take care, Kristen! Thank you for always sharing such great posts!
Do you have any tips, other than just being careful, for schoolbooks lasting so long? Could be a Q&A.
Thank you. I have followed your blog for years but never commented, but I wanted to thank you for the diverse resources and your thoughtful, heartfelt post. A small beacon of light in a dark time. I am proud of you and you have inspired me to try to take some of the same steps.
Still formulating my thoughts on the important issues, so I will stick with my advice on tree trimming.
I will just comment on tree trimming since I have experience with that. We live in a somewhat large city, so I called a LOT of companies. I put their phone number with their company in my phone, so when they called me back I knew which company was calling. Then I saved the date they were coming for an estimate and the amount in my note section under their contact information on my phone. Unless they are a larger company, they don't have a lot of receptionists, so they call back at odd and inconvenient times and that was the only way I could keep it straight. I was shocked at the differences in estimates, (over $1000 difference) for our live oak trees. I am thankful we got it done, though, hurricanes are coming!
I am not on social media, but is that where the "Buy Nothing" groups are?
Yes! Buy Nothing Groups are on Facebook. They are grouped by neighborhoods/localities.
Our community doesn't have a current Buy Nothing group, but many of us list items for free on FB Marketplace.
I appreciate this so much and am relieved actually. I am a former Christian and have several Christian family members. I always feel such disconnect to hear them on the one hand talk about God’s love but then also parrot hateful rhetoric from right wing media. I have to confess when events happen in the world I have wondered “What does Kristen think about this as a Christian? Is she like my family?” It makes me feel better that your views on the world at large are consistent with your faith, at least thats how I see it.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I'm having a very difficult time putting my feelings and grief into words, and I'm very scared that when I finally try, I'll say the wrong thing without meaning to. It's paralyzing, and I admire you for speaking up.
Frugal stuff....
1. I sold quite a bit of unused clothing on Poshmark.
2. I got a kabocha squash in our produce box and tried to roast it. It was terrible, but instead of chucking it I pureed it and used it to make pumpkin bread.
3. I used up a head of cabbage and now have only 1 of the original 6 left.
4. I cancelled a subscription we don't need anymore.
5. I cut my husband's hair myself.
Hi, I am a long time follower and I
don’t think I’ve ever commented. I love your blog and I love that you commented on what’s going on in the world. It’s hard to ignore. I, too, have been quiet and not knowing what to say. Your post has made me rethink my silence. Thank you for that.
I think you did a great job of discussing the subject and suggesting other bloggers/online personalities. I was laid off this past Friday and was trying to find more frugal blogs to follow to get back to my old habits and could only find a lot of dormant blogs or blogs that didn’t really resonate with me. I’m happy to have suggestions of blogs to check out that will also help diversify my feed. 😀
I’m sorry you lost followers but if someone sees these posts and takes offense, well...they probably weren’t someone you’d want to associate with anyways.
I am sorry you were laid off. I hope you find new work soon.
I read your blog daily, and I admire and respect how you live your life. I am saddened that some have stopped following you because of your post. We must strive for unity and find common ground. It is very difficult to know the right words, but if we work together, we can learn.
Thank you for all that you share. I will share your blog with others. May peace be with us all.
Thank you Kristen.
You said something in your kind words.
Maybe some remind the song of silence, her`s a good listening to it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdVjVtpr55M
because saying nothing means denial.
Frugal: will build a shed/carport from stuff we have, stormsave (that´s an issue here), grandpa`s style, as if it will last forever. That is the thing that makes me sad:
when I was younger, I thought I would outlive these misogynist, chauvinist, racist people in the way from you too shall pass.
Disappointed, but not done yet.
Long time lurker, don’t post much.
If we don’t speak up, we are part of the problem. Thank you for speaking up. I’m following all the people you just listed and wouldn’t have found them without you.
Frugal....let me see.
1) using up what we have in the freezer, get from the CSA every week
2) planned an ice cream sundae party for my son’s last day of school tomorrow. Everyone is bringing something (it’s a small party, 4 kids total, part of our ‘pod’)
3) for entertainment, I have planned a scavenger hunt! I haven’t ever made one up before - it was fun. I hope the kids like it.
4) my veg garden isn’t producing a lot yet but the few strawberries and raspberries we are getting are so sweet. All the more for being something we grew.
5) we picked up 5 baby chicks to add to our 17 hens. Not really frugal when it comes down to it because of the cost of feed and such but it’s a great summer project for Beamish Boy to raise them and we have been swapping eggs for some things and giving eggs to friends.
Thanks for speaking up. My 6yo and I had our first conversation about racism yesterday. She has a number of black friends that she loves dearly and I struggled all year with when and how to destroy some of her innocence by telling her about the sin of racism that exists. But I realized that I wanted to be sure that her first conversation about it made it clear that racism is sin and we need to be brave to confront it when we see it. It's something that I've prayed for often - that as a white girl she will love and have the courage to defend her black classmates. But I know I need to pray for my own eyes to be opened as well. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-control. I need power to be brave, to love like Jesus does, and the self-control to truly listen to understand. And since my mind doesn't have the space for FFT right now, so I'll end here.
I really appreciated your Instagram recommendations (as I do all of your blog ) Thank you!
Thank you for this post. I've read your blog for years but haven't followed you on instagram but I'll start now to make up for one person that left! I think it takes courage to take a stand like you did and I appreciate that you did.
TFG -
LOVE that you sold those books asap. Nice job on getting additional estimates on the tree, as well. You never really know the price until you hear what someone else charges.
We made a crock pot dinner tonight that will last 3 meals and cost ~$3 to make or so, as it was from a deeply discounted chicken we had in the freezer + beans/rice. Fairly frugal, delicious, healthy and filling!
-Lanny
Can we consider that this may have been abuse of power vs racism? I have been on the other side of badges with egos the size of Texas. I am also a Christian, and my first thought whenever I think of this is "thou shalt not kill". My second thought is "where is the outrage for all of the other murders by people of authority (regardless of color)"? Knowledge is power - the stats are out there that support that this (abuse of power and even murder) isn't limited to African Americans. I am also so confused about people apologizing for their God-given skin color - I have always believed that people have the power to change their circumstances...I hate to say it, and am not saying it with malice (because someone DIED) but there are stories about the crimes committed, one violent one against a pregnant woman? No one deserves to be killed, NO ONE, but why apologize for your skin color or the privilege that you no doubt worked for or even associate the two? I am truly confused. And so sad. And I see no end, no working together when we're all so disconnected. Help me understand without attacking me.
I think when white people apologize for their skin colour, they do so because they realize that they are not subjected to racism simply because of the “accident of birth.”
I think of privilege as something we are born into, not something people work hard to get. Being born white into a family with generational wealth gives/gave many of us a great start. When I say generational wealth, I do not mean super rich, I mean have enough money to provide for one’s family which may include a small inheritance or financial support for post secondary education.
As a white person, I can walk down the street without fear when I meet a police officer or fear of being called names by another person. Or when I drive my car, I won’t be pulled over just because of the colour of my skin.
These are just a few of my thoughts and I hope I make sense. Thanks for reading.
I am not a fan of the racism that labels “white” people as if skin color defines us as a monolithic group. We all have different backgrounds, experiences, ethnic heritages etc. One thing that really bothers me about the “white privileged” discussion is that it presumes so much based on skin color. I am what people would call “white” but I grew up in an impoverished area, attended an urban public school with serious gang problems, lived in an area with high crime levels and feared being killed because of the violence and definitely felt I could be targeted because of being “white”. As it so happens, I was an ethnic minority in my community and I did experience prejudice based on my appearance. I was called “whitey”, “la wetta” among other things and was harassed or sometimes left out because I did not look like others and was an outsider to the “Latina” community. My mom struggled to provide as a single working woman and while there were many groups in our area that specifically looked to help minorities, there were none to help us as “white” people. We were kind of on our own. I’m not only not going to apologize for who I am, I’m not going to let people label me and my own life experience. It bothers me that we allow this type of racism. Having said all of that, the good news is I do feel I have a happy life overall, in spite of everything, and am grateful for so many good things that have happened, even along with the bad.
I will just say that referencing white privilege (I think that you mean this when you mention apologizing for one's skin color?), to me, is not actually about apologizing. It's in large part, acknowledging the fact that everybody has very different experiences in life and it's impossible to put myself in someone else's shoes, so I will not presume to know how they think or feel. The privilege part is difficult and subtle, and has many facets. But a book I am reading now had a nice example: when we hear the word 'race', we automatically think about black people. They are the 'race', while white is the norm. That's an example for how we put one group of people in the center and define them as the norm, while other groups are the exception. That's one way of having privilege.
This is a great way of explaining white privilege.
Hi-- I am seeking to understand. I think a helpful place for you to start may be by reading Peggy McIntosh's original essay from 1989, "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack." If you google those words, you should be able to read her essay for free.
That may help you to begin to understand how historically, societal & governmental structures in the USA have made it easier for white people (myself included) to "change their circumstances," as you put it. This is not to say that white people don't experience hardships but that our skin color is not another thing working against us.
I definitely am not apologizing for my skin color. I don't feel bad that I am white. It is not something I chose; it's something I was born into.
If I were born into wealth, I would not need to apologize for it; it wouldn't be my fault and by the same token, I would deserve no credit for it.
But the Bible says, "to who much is given, much is required." When we have wealth or privilege given to us, we do have a responsibility to use it for the good of the oppressed.
And I think listening is so important because we will never understand the oppression that black people experience until we listen. It's so easy to not see the extent of the problem because we don't experience it in our everyday lives.
I am a longtime reader and I applaud you for speaking out. We have a true problem in this country and the only way to make things better is to confront them. Thank you.
Hi Tricia,
Thanks for asking a difficult question and being open to hearing different responses. I’m white, so responding from my perspective.
To respond to the comment about this possibly being an abuse of power rather than racism, I’d like to suggest that they are not an either-or and can be (and in this case, I believe, are) present at the same time.
A person who indulges in abusing their power, is not a good person. A person who indulges in overt racism is not a good person (I’m leaving out covert, subtle, and subconscious racism here because police brutality is none of those). It is very possible that the person doing evil as a general abuse of power would also engage in evil, racist acts. I’m not suggesting a cause-effect here or even saying they have to be linked. Just saying two kinds of evil can exist in one person.
Also, if a person tended to be evil in the abuse of power “camp” then why wouldn’t that person add the evil choice to make use of a system that has built-in racism to get more power. Kind of like a school bully—they might not hate the most vulnerable child on the playground the most but that child is the easiest to attack.
One example of the systemic racism is that criminals committing the same crime have different sentences where the only difference in the two cases is race (a cynical person might say they’re both criminals, so who cares, but I’m more invested in rehabilitation than incarceration).
Another tool of systemic racism (and violence) is media representation. Black individuals are described in terms of the most negative things you could attach to their character. Today is Breonna Taylor’s birthday. She was an EMT, brutally murdered in her home when officers opened fire on her after breaking and entering without announcing themselves and while in plain clothes. They were ostensibly looking for another person, who lived in another part of town, and was already in police custody. The first article I read about this woman’s tragic death ended with the line: “no drugs were found at her residence.” This last sentence is disparaging (why would there be?? Why bother to look for drugs after you’ve already murdered the wrong person? More importantly, why do readers need to have this detail and associate her with a drug search at all?).
I do believe it’s not a line that would be present if the police abused their power and behaved negligently towards a white person.
Again, there is rampant abuse of power that affects non-Black and non-brown humans, the point about the existence of racism alongside this abuse of power is that the abusers have an extra twist to the knife at their disposal when it comes to racism.
Regarding the media, since the search was about drugs it was necessary to point out that no drugs were found. It could have been stated earlier in the article, but perhaps the reporter was emphasizing the poignancy of the tragic situation by ending with that significant fact.
Thank you for the recommendations. 🙂 <3
As always, Kristen, beautifully addressed.
My frugal five this week:
1. We started eating food from our garden (it's strawberry season here and we've been blessed with a plethora!). This is year two for the strawberries, so the yeild is very generous. Gardening helps practise patience.
2. My husband found three old bikes, fixed them up and he, my daughter and I have been taking nighly rides in our neighborhood. For less than $100, we have three really nice bikes (each cost well over $300 if purchased new).
3. We're still eating all our meals at home.
4. I repainted our very dingy laundry room using paint we already had on-hand. Maybe this will make doing laundry more pleasent? Probably not, but still frugal ;-).
5. Repaired our grill instead of buying a new one. It cost about $40 to repair. This saves not only the cost of a grill, but reduces electricity use (oven and AC).
Easy strawberry pie
4 cups diced fresh strawberries
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice.
1 can sweetened condensed milk
12 oz of COOL WHIP or similar whipped topping
Pour into TWO graham cracker pie crusts.
Chill 4/6 hours. Yum
Well written, Kristen. <3
I read all the comments so far and the high degree of civility in all of them speaks to the quality of the community you have here in your blog.
I appreciated your blog recommendations, sampled and enjoyed all of them, so thank you!
I don't think I can add much on any discussion of racism but my personal philosophy has always been to seek out and celebrate similarities rather than differences. One of the meditations I use says all people want the same things in life: safety, happiness, health and peace of mind. There is so much truth in that and I wish those things for everyone!
I know; I am very, very fortunate. In a lot of places, this type of discussion blows up in a hurry and I am grateful for the respectfulness shown here.
Thank you for your well written thoughts, I completely agree with that mindset.
1. We finished redoing our son's bedroom, after secondhand purchases and selling what he didn't need anymore it was only $29 for a completely new bedroom.
2. Library is still closed (boo) so I've had to resort to buying books. Have picked up 7 books and only have $12 out of pocket. I'll resell or pass them on when I'm finished.
3. Making do with the fridge and freezer, only spent $26 on groceries this week
4. Throwing a small end of year party for my kids and one friend for each, will likely spend somewhere in the neighborhood of $15 for ice cream and toppings, set up our outdoor movie projector and corn hole game and let them have a blast for next to nothing.
5. Still making all my own bread which costs about $.50 a loaf and is much tastier than anything I can get in the store.
Our library is opening up for touchless curbside pickup soon so we are pretty excited about that. I've been buying books too, and reselling them but I will be happy to just be able to use the library instead!
Instead of selling your Used Books, why don't you donate them to the library for their book sale? That way they will have extra funds for more books, activities, Etc.
That hasn't occurred to me! I suppose I've always been laboring under the delusion that libraries get more donations than they know what to do with, but to be honest, I haven't looked into whether that's true or not.
I think it varies greatly by area, so do give them a call. My library hasn't taken donations for several years. It is a lot of work to sort and process the donations, find the ones they can actually use, and dispose of the rest. I am disappointed, though I understand.
Our library has a separate little store where they sell book and video donations very cheaply. The donations in turn help fund our library. Most of the libraries in San Diego county do this.
Hoopla (if your library pays for a subscription) and Overdrive are options to use on your computer or tablet. I can get them on whatever medium I have available to use. I have found children's books, music, videos. So far I have not bought any books for my tablet, reader, etc. I know you can but you can't resell or pass it on that like you could a book.
Well... you can rest assured that I will continue to read your blog. And I too, agree with your mindset. Continue to be real. Continue to be you. God bless you and your precious family, especially during these trying times. Stay well!
Sometimes you just have to speak your mind. I think you did it with kindness and without divisiveness. I don't understand how others could be bothered by that.
You are doing well with your oak trees removal estimate. We had two removed in January and paid $5,700. The stumps do measure ~5 ft in diameter, so I understand the cost. I'm was sad to see them go, but they were not in good shape. Now I am learning how to garden in the sun instead of the shade.
I usually read your blog in a reader that doesn't let me comment, so I came here just to say THANK YOU for addressing this! I am also appalled that anyone would unfollow you because you chose to say something for the greater good. I am a white adoptive parent of a black child, and I'm constantly being told how great I am because I adopted my daughter (as if she is a charity case, when the reality is she is an amazing human being and there would have been literally dozens of other families who would have been ecstatic to adopt her, so we are really the lucky ones to have her in our lives).
I have honestly done a TERRIBLE job of being frugal lately. I make a decent amount of money and I feel some responsibility to spend it in my community to support the businesses here. That, and I feel like I have a lot less time and energy lately so ordering food once or twice a week is helping to ease that burden. But I am still making coffee at home every day, I'm driving MUCH less, I've been researching cheaper ways to get my dog's medication, and we're starting to take care of our pool ourselves.
I’m an adoptive mother of a white boy and people tell me the exact same thing. As if he wasn’t the biggest gift I ever could have imagined.
But you two gave your hearts to a child who needed it.
Why would anyone care that you commented on what is happening all around America- it is pretty tough to ignore. I commend you and agree with what you wrote.
Thank you for commenting on diversity. I am an extreme EMPATH so these are very very sad times for me ...over and over!
Frugal! Good news bad news...
1. Spending more on groceries because I am not shopping at more than one store, but not using gas or eating out.
2. Continue to get herbs and perennials for free off of local buy nothing group.
3. Walking and biking for r revise daily.
4. Terribly missing local library but finding free podcasts that I am enjoying. LOVE THE ONE ABOUT MR ROGERS
5. Using up odds n ends of foods in creative ways! Trying hard to not waste.
Thank you for this post!
Thank you for adding your voice to the millions of Americans who stand against racism.
Thank you for saying something and providing resources in other voices. I think you are right on.
Thank you Kristen for posting thoughtful words and saying what you choose to on your platform. I have read your posts for many years and enjoy your gentle corner of the internet.
Fear of saying the wrong thing is real. I commend you for risking losing followers, in the name of making your position clear. I've enjoyed your posts for some time and expect to continue to be a fan for many, many more years.
It is very easy to let that fear keep us silent, isn't it? What if we say something not quite the right way? But I think it's worth the risk, and that staying silent is more risky in terms of doing the wrong thing. Better to take a deep breath and give it a try. Practice and correction on the practice is what grows us!
I'm with you, Kristin. I've loved your blog for years and now I love it even more.
I'm sorry you lost followers. They are wrong and you are right. Thank you for promoting creators of color!
Oh, I am not asking for sympathy...me losing a few followers is really no big deal, particularly in comparison to the pain black Americans are feeling. I am happy to sacrifice a few followers for the cause!
Dear Kristen: Your comments today were very beautifully and sensitively stated and I appreciate that you had the courage to openly express them, even if meant losing some followers. I share your feelings about this not being a time for business as usual. It is not. A great and terrible injustice has occurred and we must not remain silent about it. Like many Americans, I feel a great sense of sorrow and grief over what has happened and along with it, a sense of righteous indignation on behalf of African Americans. My heart goes out to them for the wound and offense they must feel. I pray that justice will be done and that the racial reconciliation and healing that millions of Americans, black and white, have long sought and longed for, will finally come to pass as a result of this event. God bless you for having the courage to speak out. P.S. I love your blog, your budgeting ideas and tips, and your food and recipes. All wonderful!
Kristen, I really appreciate your thoughtful post and for providing a way for us to comment in community and love. Having my state at ground zero makes me even more committed to using my voice to help create the changes that are so desperately needed and way overdue.
Thank you so much for the beginning of this post, Kristen. It inspired me to put my own thoughts to paper, and to likewise broaden the list of things and people I follow. It seems like so little in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start.
1) Finally found a variety of thyme that will grow in my climate, and thus my herb garden is complete. I now grow oregano, rosemary, sage, parsley, and thyme. Money saved going forward? Not sure, but more than planting them cost!
2) Speaking of my herb garden, saved my parsley from the bunnies just in the nick of time by wrapping wire around it. Bunnies aren't supposed to like parsley!
3) I use paper towels wrapped around my produce in the fridge to keep it fresh, and now instead of tossing the towels out when they become damp, I'm drying and reusing. I'm swapping damp ones for dry ones now almost daily, and my produce has never been crisper.
4) I stayed on top of a cancelled air flight, even opening an investigation against the airline with my bank, and the refund was finally received this week. It took three months to get the money back, and because of that it is unlikely I'll be using this airline ever again.
5) We are continuing to get books via our library's eBook checkout, listening to Pandora, watching live concerts via YouTube, and listening to free lectures via Zoom.
Bunnies love parsley! Also guinea pigs love parsley too. They ate all the parsley in the garden and I had to replant it.
Kristen, thank you for what you wrote! I don´t normally comment here although I love your posts but I appreciate your words. I don´t write well but I read well & appreciate eloquence when I see it.
I appreciate the encouragement!
Thank you for using your voice, and for lifting up frugal bloggers of color.
Kristen, your blog is whatever you want it to be and despite what anyone thinks, you can write whatever compels you. For me, life nowadays can get me so emotional, that my husband has told me on many occasions to stop reading about it. Or watching it.. I have reacted to some of these by donating money, which is good. Other times, it affected me to a whole new level. I won't say much more, other than the hubby is right and I'll follow his advice.
Here's my Fab Frugal Five:
1) I earned enough Swagbucks for a Amazon GC to get hubby a Christmas gift- a gps tracker for his keys. .Savings- $10
2) I came home from work, started making yogurt orange blueberry muffins and went to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I saw a large part laying in the dishwasher (??!) and called the youngest to use his engineering mind to try to fix it. He picked up the part, and more pieces fell off. In the end, voila!, it got fixed. Savings- ?
3)I had gotten a Target gift card and got groceries with it. Savings- $25
4) My vision plan allowed me to get an eye exam and only pay $10 out of pocket. Savings- $240
5) I sold 2 more items on abay.
Thank you!
Hi Kristen -
Thank you so much for your post. I'm a lurker who loves your blog and I feel compelled to comment today.
I'd just like to say as a black woman, I'm pleased to see that you addressed the topic of racism in a kind and thoughtful way. And I appreciate the heartfelt, honest, and respectful discussion here from everyone on this post.
I feel for the family members of the man who died; however, I struggle with the background that I have learned about that individual. I'm not at all saying that he deserved to die, but this is a very complicated situation. I appreciate this safe space to have this conversation.
Now for my five frugal things (that have taken place over a few years):
1) I have learned to use most of what I have in my pantry and fridge at home. There have been times that I have purchased too many food items that have gone to waste.
2) I make my own coffee with whipped cream and all instead of buying it at Starbucks
3) I cook at home much more frequently (prior to the recent necessity to do so), thus saving money on expensive meals.
4) I tracked my spending which showed me how much money I was spending on useless items. I am more mindful of my spending now.
5) Not sure if this is considered frugal, but over the past few years (I am 54), I have actively worked on my retirement funding.
Re: retirement funding........
Yay, you!. I just read an article that showed that 33% of Americans have no retirement funds and 23% have less than $10,000. That's a lot of people who will wake up shocked some morning. https://money.com/retirement-savings-survey/
I am thankful for Kristen and others who share frugal-oriented websites.
Hi KT -
Thank you so much for the link!
My wake-up call was finding out that government pensions really can't be relied upon to fully finance retirement. I had a late start in my career and have worked in the public health field for 20 years.
Although I will have a pension, in my 40s I started a Roth IRA and then about five years ago, I started a deferred comp retirement account (the IRS calls it a 457 account). While I don't mind living frugally, there are some things I enjoy such as travel, ballet classes and Shakespeare. I would like to have a comfortable retirement where I can fully enjoy my life and not have to work unless I want to.
Blogs like this one help keep me on task and thinking about how I want to live in the future.
P.S. I'm actually more frugal than I thought: This morning after I submitted my previous comment, I started getting dressed for the day and realized that I didn't even mention how I make my own facial wash and hair products such as shampoo and flaxseed gel. Being frugal over the past few years is such a norm for me now.
No matter what his background is, he didn’t deserve to die like a wounded animal.
Yes, I think his background is fairly irrelevant to the discussion. I see a lot of people bringing it up, and I struggle to understand why.
Like, if a parent killed one of their children, it would be irrelevant to talk about how much sass the kid was giving or how difficult of a child they were. No difficult child deserves to be killed, you know?
Lots of people have backgrounds, lots of people commit petty crimes, lots of people get high or drunk, but none of that in any way justifies killing them.
Great Post Kristen! I feel like they should try disbanding the police force in the US. Just like they are discussing in Minneapolis. It's been coming for a long time. It would be a great country if the citizens just took control of their own neighborhoods and used less than lethal methods of control. Such as talking people down. You can do so much with that. I personally would feel much safer knowing I wouldn't be confronted with an armed police officer!
When I see suggestions like this, especially in light of the current political and economic context of our country, I immediately think of the Russian Revolution. I truly hope Americans realize, very soon, how devastating lawlessness, chaos and revolution are, and what they are suggesting we usher in.
Yeah, I'm not sure what exactly the solution is, but at this point, I'm not convinced that defunding the police is going to be effective. I read an academic article by a black man explaining why that could actually make things worse for the black community, and boy, I sure don't want that to happen.
I don't personally know what exactly the big-picture solution is; people smarter and more educated than me will need to figure that out. And there are lots of other ways that I personally can do something to be anti-racist.
Doing good is always good, so my prayers are with you. I was just thinking of a motto I will try to remember in these days where rage and destruction are proposed as a solutions....” be careful not to feed your rage because that will only make it grow.” I’m not going to put it on a tshirt, but maybe I will write it with small letters on my hand. Peace.
Thank you so much for this post. I am a white woman who has been on my own journey toward anti racism for years now inspired by our calling as Christians to love one another. I think of the followers you have lost as mostly folks who just don’t have the mental space to grapple with their privilege quite yet. I pray that we all listen to our black brothers and sisters and do all we can to secure justice for them.
Here are my frugal things:
1) We have spent the week relocated to a family home to open our house to home exchange guests. When all this is over we will enjoy a very frugal vacation at their home in California.
2) While in the country my husband has continued to work. Instead of spending any money, we have taken the opportunity to (socially distance) visit with friends and neighbors we haven’t seen in a while. Tomorrow hopefully we can go to my brother’s dock to swim.
3) We have been eating sandwiches all week made of homemade bread and some ham my parents gifted us.
4) The school system sent us an EBT card for food for the kids. We have more than we need, so my husband and I will use the card but donate all cash we save by using it to organizations that do racial justice work.
5) I don’t have any time to read paper books with four children underfoot right now, but I have been steadily working through audiobooks from the library. I was ashamed to realize I have never read James Baldwin, so I reserved a copy of one of his books.
Thank you for this post. We cannot begin to defeat racism until we are willing to talk openly about it as painful as that may be. Back in December I attended a seminar held by my employer on diversity and equality. As a white person it was a real eye-opener for me. I thought I was aware, but discovered I was wrong and quite ignorant in many ways.
I was going to post some frugal things I did but instead I would like to share that I used funds I had recently saved to support rent relief for black families who have been affected by Covid-19 in NYC. I also purchased some books on how to be anti-racist to further educate myself so I can do even more. I am not looking for a pat on the back, but thought I could share how others like me might put their savings to good use to raise their own awareness and take action to fight racism and help others.
I also really appreciate your list of other accounts and blogs to check out.
Thank you for your post and for amplifying Black voices in the frugal community.
I hope and pray that the this world and everyone in it realizes that we are all humans and everybody deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and kindness. Marvin Gaye’s song God is Love says it all and should be our anthem. Change needs to happen and I truly believe it is. Black lives matter and injustices can no longer be tolerated. Your intentions in addressing the issue are good and that is what is important. I commend you on that. Like Maya Angelo says - when you know better you do better. We know better and all need to do better! Together we can make this world a better place.
PS- I enjoy reading your posts.
I did go to the market last Sat. because of the 3-day sale. They had big packs of strawberries for very inexpensive which the grandkids snack on and have with their meals and a few other very, very reasonably priced items that we regularly use. We have 3 screens with holes. My husband thought it would be less expensive to purchase replacement. I called the glass company, and it was a bit less expensive to have the screen replaced (like $55)--so the screens have been delivered to be fixed. Our garden is growing. Seems like there may be a lot of strawberries and raspberries. The potatoes and corn (first) time are surviving. I did the 3 sisters corn method--corn, peas (it says beans but I had peas) and squash. We'll see what happens.
If people are unfollowing you for speaking up against racism, you're not missing much!
Does that make sense? I mean they are not important followers anyways (English is my second language...)
Yep, I understood what you were trying to say!
In one sense, I agree, and in another sense, I do hope that people who don't agree with me about racism will stay and listen and learn along with me. But (and this is where your point makes sense) if they are not open to even hearing about racism, they're probably not the type of people who are in a place where they are ready to learn or change.
Thanks for your thoughts on this very important matter to all of us. I am not racist, not even a little. 45 years in Brazil taught me many things; but one is that a person should be judged on how he lives and whether or not he or she is honest and has integreity. Some do, and some do not.
However, I do wish someone would answer a question for me: Just what "rights" do black people not enjoy in America? What are they denied? I would like to know. All those that are black, that I know have every right that anyone else has in this country.
The right to leave their homes without having to worry about whether what you or I would consider a routine encounter with law enforcement might end up in their death (George Floyd). The right to go to sleep at night in their own homes Without law enforcement mistakenly bursting in (looking for someone else who it turns out was already in custody) and shooting them in their beds (Breonna Taylor). Just to start.
Rights on paper and rights in practice are two totally different realities.
That's kinda what I was going to say, but Ruby beat me to it. Law and practice are not the same things, sadly...a law doesn't change people's attitudes (or, honestly, their behavior in a lot of cases).
I have read all the discussion here and have been given much to think about. I applaud you for taking a stand and you have inspired me to say something on my blog as well. One of the comments I received contained these words (which were carried on a placard at a demonstration in San Francisco) and I think they're very powerful... "I .understand I do not understand, but I stand". Words we should all live by.
Great post, well written. Thank you for speaking out on racism.
Thank you for this post, for acknowledging the pain our country is in, and has been in for a very long time.
Thanks for addressing the racism in our country and providing great people to follow so we can broaden our perspectives! I think it is so important to listen to everyone of all backgrounds so we can all love each other more like Jesus does. If people unfollow, that is their loss because this blog has been an awesome resource to me and so many others.