Every Monday, I answer a few of the questions that my readers send me. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future Q&A post, just leave me a comment here or email me (thefrugalgirl [at] gmail [dot] com) and put Q&A in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you!
I read your blog all the time and I wanted to say that I love your kids’ names. Given that they are all somewhat of a different naming style (Joshua is Biblical and Zoe is in the top 100), I was just wondering how you chose their names. Did you pick them because they’re family names? Or did you pick them based on meaning? Or were they just names you and Mr. FG really liked?
-Amy
Mostly, we just picked names that we happened to like! We chose not to go the route of family namesakes just because it seemed like less of a headache, and so we spent some time thumbing through names books to find some we liked. We did consider the meaning of our children’s names, but that was not enormously important to us (as long as a name didn’t mean something dreadful, we were good.). Interestingly enough, though, the middle name we chose for Sonia means “little blue flower”. I think that’s awfully sweet because she has lovely blue eyes, which you would not expect from two brown-eyed parents. Obviously we didn’t plan her name to be so appropriate!
We tend to like more traditional boy names, and not-so-traditional girl names, but that’s about the only consistent thing about our naming practices. Oh, and I do almost always like “i” spellings better than “y” spellings…so that’s why we have Elise instead Elyse and Sonia instead of Sonya (fortunately, my mom chose to spell my name Kristen instead of Krysten!).
Joshua and Lisey’s names were the two we came up with when we first found out that we were expecting (we didn’t find out the sex of any of our children ahead of time, so we always had to come up with two names.). Joshua had been one of my favorite names for a while and fortunately, Mr. FG agreed. 
Lisey’s full name is Elise, and I’d wanted to name my daughter Elise for a long time (I read a book with a heroine named Elisa when I was a child, and I think that’s why I fell in love with the name.). Unfortunately, we never call Lisey by her real name, which is much more elegant than her nickname!
Sonia’s name was my husband’s idea and her middle name was mine (incidentally, her name is pronounced Sone-ya, not Sahn-ya. I just thought I’d share that so you all can pronounce her name properly in your heads! ).
We had kind of a hard time coming up with a name for Zoe. Actually, when she was born we still hadn’t decided for sure what we wanted to call her (we had a boy name waiting in the wings, but no firm girl name). We had narrowed it down to a few, so when she was born and we saw she was a girl, I just kind of decided on the spur of the moment that her name should be Zoe.
I think it was my husband’s idea to put Zoe on our list of names, so he deserves credit for that one. I felt a little bit iffy about the name at first just because it was kind of different, but of course I now can’t imagine calling her anything else.
(This next question is actually a comment from an older post, but I’m throwing it into this Q&A post just because I wanted to!)
One thing kind of frustrates me, when partners who work out of the home say they ‘help’ or ‘pitch in’ with chores around the house or with children.
These things a\re both the partners responsibility, and I do not see how a partner doing the dishes is ‘helping’ the other. Choice of words and language are a big thing I believe.
So instead of helping do the dishes, you were simply doing the dishes.
You are not helping by getting kids in bed, you are simply getting the kids in bed.
Everything is a joint effort.
I am also curious as to why you call yourself girl, when clearly you are a woman. Again, wording is more powerful than we think.
-Kayte
I clearly don’t have a problem with using the word “help” when it comes to my marriage, but my usage of that word is probably less problematic than you think it is. Like you, I believe that my marriage is a joint effort and that means that the helping doesn’t just go one way. I help Mr. FG in a myriad of ways, and he helps me too. We’re a team, after all, and team members work together to help each other achieve a goal.
He spends more time earning money and less time doing dishes, and I spend more time doing dishes and less time earning money, but we are still a team and we are still helping each other. The time Mr. FG spends at work helps me to be able to spend time with our children (I don’t have to go work a job outside our home). And the time I spend ironing Mr. FG’s clothes and packing his lunch gives him the freedom to spend time with our children. We are both dependent on each other for help and support, but we’re dependent in different ways.
I don’t know…I may be misunderstanding your concern, and if that’s the case, do feel free to clarify.
As far as the “girl” term goes, I guess I just don’t take that too seriously. It’s been almost two years now since I started my blog, and I can’t actually remember how I came up with the name! I never expected my blog to become as large as it has, and so I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the name.
I do think of myself as a confident, capable grown-up, so the name of my blog does not in any way reflect a self-image issue. And considering that I’ve heard my husband’s grandma talk about “going out with the girls”, I’m thinking that I’m definitely not to old to use that term for myself.
I’m working really hard at being as frugal as I can fast so I can stay home with my precious little girl. Our next big budget expense I’m working on is health insurance. Do you have any tips for frugal health insurance purchasing?
Thanks,
Elisabeth
I think that’s so great that you’re working on a plan to be able to stay home with your daughter…I’m sure that’s a great motivator for you!
Thankfully, we’ve always been able to obtain insurance through my husband’s employer, so I have no experience buying private health insurance. I’m sure that some of my readers do, so check in the comments to see what they have to say.
Occasionally we’ve been able to choose between several different health care plans, and when possible, we’ve opted for a high-deductible plan that functions more like car insurance does (it’s for disasters and not routine maintenance). When we have a plan like that, we pay a smaller premium and we put the money we save from that into an ING savings account to use for checkups and such. If you’re disciplined enough to set aside money to cover the deductible, that sort of plan might be a wise choice for you.
Probably my best piece of health insurance advice is to know your plan well and to double-check all of your health insurance statements to make sure that your doctor visits are properly covered. I’ve saved us hundreds and hundreds of dollars by finding errors and calling to get them corrected. Never assume that they got it right!
Readers, if you’ve had experience choosing a private health insurance plan, please do help Elisabeth out by sharing in the comments (and of course if you’ve got comments about the other questions, you can chat about those too! ).
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
First, I have to say that I think we live in a very torn world when it comes to how we view the old traditional family make-up – where a girl stays home and takes care of it as well as the children and the husband goes out and works. There are some very definate traditional roles here. Back whenever, if a man was to come home and do something it was frowned upon (woman’s work). The roles of husband and wife were very well defined and accepted. Today, the waters have been muddied and issues arise. For example, does a man baysit his children or take care of them. I can jokingly say, “he’s babysitting” because for me to be out without children most often requires a babysitter. Is he helping me by doing so?, oh yes. Do I see a problem with word choice?, oh no.
The wording of the matter is not so problematic as the interpretation. When we start assessing other people’s relationships and what makes them tick, we need to also remember “to each his own”. Today’s roles are not clearly defined. I don’t think this is an area where we should impress our personal views upon especially when the quality of the relationship and the happiness of the home is so obvious.
Now to keep it simple, if I go to my husband’s work and start handing him wrenches, then I am certainly helping.
Hey Laurie (and frugal girl) I wonder if Kayte would have the same opinion if it was a stay at home Dad? If the hard working career woman came home and did the dishes would her husband have been slacking?
I do all the cooking and the washing in my house and I would love to be a stay at home Dad, but at the moment I earn more money so it’s hard to justify.
To see if something is sexist I run a little test in my mind. I mentally see if the genders were reversed would it have been sexist? Ie if it was a stay at home Dad would the reaction have been the same
I think that this view of “traditional” households is not broad-based. The waters were always muddied and it depends a lot of what time and place you mean. Two hundred years ago in Western Europe, many wives assisted in their husbands’ shops. In the Middle Ages and even more so in the Renaissance it was common for a widow, not the lead apprentice, to inherit her husband’s guild shop. Fifty years ago in the US, only white nonpoor families were likely to have the arrangement you suggested; black women, for example, were likely to be domestics and thus working outside the home. Farming families, one of the oldest working set ups there are, have a wide assosrtment of “traditional” roles, depending on the country, technology, and product; for example, who does the milking? A hundred years ago in Western Europe, most laundries were staffed by women. The textile factories of 19th century England prefered women because they’d work for lower wages and create less trouble. My grandmother staffed my grandfather’s drug store, with my mother toddling around if necessary. And what did widows do? My grandmother’s widowed mother worked outside the home starting when her children (my grandmother and great-uncle) were 5 and 4; heck to say “home” was stretching it, usually it was a single room in someone else’s house, with the arrangement that great grandma would do extra work for the family after hours in return for the family vaguely watching the children after school hours while g’gma was working for pay.
My historical questions are totally separate from the question of what works for other people. As Kristen put it, “You don’t have to make yogurt.”
Thank you for this comment William. It’s always good to keep history in mind when talking about how much things have “changed nowadays”. And not only history, but each region’s particular history. I also appreciate that you mentioned the luxury of having a mother in the home was usually a privilege of the upper classes, and then, of course, they usually employed wet nurses, governesses, and used boarding schools. Issues of work, gender, and family are never as black and white as we would like them to be. A fabulous book on this subject that I really enjoyed reading is called “The Way We Never Were”. It’s a sociological study on family, work, and child rearing patterns and I couldn’t put it down.
I can see why someone wouldn’t like it if zir spouse “helped” around the house, because “help” implies that it’s not zir’s job; but not everyone feels this way. For me specifically, I wouldn’t mind if my spouse used the word as long as ze didn’t mean to imply ze meant the implication as well. Also, is the chore explicitly one partner’s reponsibility? Let’s say that the couple agreed that Bob cooks and Alice does dishes. For me, if Bob does the dishes, he’s helping Alice. YMMV and probably will.
What I loathe is when someone talks about “babysitting” zir own child. If it’s your child than you are simply doing your job as a parent.
- WilliamB, getting off the soapbox
I completely agree with the “babysitting” term being used by parents sounding strange, and implying that watching one’s own child is not just part of being a parent.
I also totally agree. Every time I hear someone say they (or usually their spouse) is “babysitting” for a time, I point out that when taking care of your own children it is called “parenting.” This frustrates me when people don’t treat their children as if they are wanted or part of the family.
I could not agree more with this statement:
What I loathe is when someone talks about “babysitting” zir own child. If it’s your child than you are simply doing your job as a parent.
My husband didn’t “babysit” my children when they were growing up anymore than I did. We both took care of them, as is our responsibility. Period.
Hellooo and a very good morning to you and family! Oh some tension in here… From one girl to another
My husband and I can’t wait to here about private insurances too. I have been paying straight cash for visits that were straight nec. BUT I think that it would be alot healthier having a check-up every year or so just for prevention( like skin cancer), treatments, allergy tests and so forth. Hum… And also for Dentist coverage…One tooth costs a weeks salary sometimes even more… 
My husband is working as a self-employer so yeah, any advice would be great.I can’t wait to here the audiences input. I have gotten alot of good advice here, so far. 
ty ahead of time
BTW I love helping my hubby and he loves helping me!
Love and family/God = happiness, peace, sanity, health, etc. Serve one another…T-E-A-M! 
I have a health insurance suggestion — Check the Dave Ramsey website and request a contact with one of his ELPs (http://www.daveramsey.com/elp/insurance/). Several years ago when we were no longer covered by an employer’s plan we contacted an ELP and he was able to help us find affordable health insurance for our family.
Haha I was actually just going to comment on the “helping” question regarding child care, but 2 people already beat me to it! I’m totally fine with the word “help” in a relationship – I help my boyfriend by making dinner or whatever, and he helps me by doing the laundry or whatever. I just define helping as doing something so the other person doesn’t have to, so in my mind it actually has a good connotation! To each their own though.
Regarding child care though, I HATE it when a man says he’s “babysitting” when he has to stay in and watch the kids on Friday night or something. What if both parents had that attitude? What if neither of them wanted to “babysit” one night? Who would watch the kids? I’m not married, and I don’t have kids, but I have to say that kind of attitude won’t last long when I do
Oh, one other thing – Kudos to you, Elisabeth, for making sure you have health insurance! I work in benefits and have heard of employees dropping their health coverage because “they don’t want to pay for it anymore” or “they can’t afford it”. As much as I feel for people who are money strapped, there are always ways of making health insurance work. To me, health coverage is non-negotiable – you have to have it!
I had always wondered about Lisey’s name … now I know!! I had almost written in to ask about it too, now I don’t have to – lol.
But … is it “LeeSee” or “LeeSay”? I’m gonna go with “LeeSee” now that I know it’s for “Elise”.
Also, I did say “Sahn-ya” in my head … now I know the correct pronunciation of “Sone-ya”.
Ohhh, I was going to include that and kind of forgot. It’s “LeeSee”. lol
That’s good to know. i didn’t know what her real name was, so in my head it was more like “Lis-sy” (with a short “i” sound…probably because I knew a girl named Alissa who was called that)
On the health insurance side of things… my husband and I have recently gone through the investigation and search for affordable medical coverage. After much research and thought/prayer, we went with a cost sharing program called Samaritan Ministries. It’s not true insurance, but a structured way to share medical costs with brothers and sisters in Christ. http://www.samaritanministries.org/index.php
Each month, we receive a newsletter with a family’s name and need and send them our monthly financial share. (Currently, the monthly share is $270 for a couple and $320 for a two-parent family.) We also receive a prayer guide so we can be praying for the other members each day.
We love it! We’re getting to pray for and encourage other believers and our “insurance” money isn’t praying for practices that we don’t support. My parents have used Samaritan Ministries for 15+ years now. When my mother had unexpected lung surgery in Nov ’07 and ended up with $100,000+ in medical bills, Dad worked with with the hospitals to negotiate prices and payments and sent the information to Samaritan Ministries. In the next month, encouraging notes and checks poured in from Samaritan Ministries members all over the country, paying all of Mother’s medical bills. Such a praise!
Perhaps this information will be useful for someone out there.
We have an Elise in our house, too! I wanted “Elise” and my dh wanted “Elyse” – I won, because I was the one who went through labour! LOL We called her “LeeSee” for awhile. One day, when she was about 2 1/2, she looked at me and said, “I no LeeSee, I LeeLee!” So we’ve called her “LeeLee” ever since! (She’s almost 7, btw.)
Another comment on the “helping” topic. I haven’t seen “joint responsibility” work very well…too much arguing about who has more time or energy to do such-and-such or whose turn it is. Having well-defined roles, each of which contributes to the family’s well-being in its own way, works very well in a practical way (which shouldn’t surprise us since the God who made us thought that up). Unselfishly “helping” each other wherever possible only helps strengthen the family and the marriage relationship as a whole. I believe the children ARE a joint responsibility, obviously, but again, the roles are different. In our family, Dad works hard to provide, but also teaches them skills (sports, woodworking, etc.) and plays with them (and lots of other things). Mom takes care of them all day, feeds them, clothes them, and many other things. It may be old-fashioned, but it works very well.
Yes, unselfishness is key. I think what makes a relationship and roles work comes down to heart attitudes. If both spouses have a heart for serving the other and serving the family, this sort of stuff is not so difficult to figure out, you know? But heart attitudes that are selfish will make this kind of thing very tough.
Hey! There’s nothing wrong with the name Krysten! Lol
I agree with others. “Helping” doesn’t bother me but calling it “babysitting” when the dad is taking care of the kids really annoys me.
Hee. I totally thought of you when I wrote this post.
Well, to be honest, Krysten wishes I had spelled it with an I. Too bad for her that she had no say in it and I like the letter Y. lol
I have a HSA. Health Savings Account. Its high deductable health insurance and a savings account attached to it. Similar to an IRA but for health care instead of retirement. I can deposit up to $3000 a year in the savings account and use that money to pay my deductable or leave it there to grow tax free. At some point, maybe age 65, I will be able to withdraw money for other uses too.
Lol, I like going out with the girls too. And the gals. And the ladies. And I enjoy helping my husband and him helping me, though he definitely parents and doesn’t babysit. Sometimes I think in blogland we don’t always “hear” each others’ voices.
I think when you start taking issue with a specific word, it’s because of an underlying issue. This sounds more like someone who wants validation. (That’s my pop psychology 2 cents.)
I think “helping” is a good thing. Someone early on stated very well that roles are as clearly defined anymore and that’s where conflict can start. My husband and I are totally a team. But our roles are pretty clearly defined (something we regularly discuss and review to avoid any resentment that might develop). He is the breadwinner. As a self-employed person, he works tremendously long hours at great personal sacrifice so that I can stay home with our children. I respect him so much for that. I do most of the “care taking” activities–laundry, housework, meals, dealing with the school, doctor appts. etc. for the entire family. He respects me greatly for all I do because I too have sacrificed, largely my career and all that goes with that. But that’s the key–respect. Because we have such great respect for the other, we gladly do our “roles” without complaint so that our children will have a happy, healthy childhood.
I have to disagree with this. Words mean things, and a lot of the words and phrases we use- such as the use of “babysitting”, discussed above- do have deeper implications that many people, understandably, have objections to. I can appreciate that not everyone will have the same objections to the words, but to write off those objections as a need for validation seems to summarily dismiss the valid concerns that are being raised.
I like it that I stay home with the 3 kidlets and my husb works at his job. What I don’t like is that in his mind, his “job” ends when he gets home, and mine doesn’t. He also doesn’t see that what I do during the day has value (apparently the laundry stays magically clean, and the dishes do themselves; we won’t even start with the housecleaning). He gets praise and positive feedback for his work at his job, and I get, why aren’t my pants clean? 1, because they are lying on the floor where you left them, 2 it isn’t laundry day, and 3 you didn’t ask me to wash them .
BTW I have unusual names for my kids as well. boys Liam and Koen ( sounds like Cohen), and girl Lilah , who didn’t even have a name till 8 hrs after birth (I had a traumatic repeat Csection) . We actually borrowed the baby name book from the nurses desk at the hospital.
Your complaint – with which I agree 100%! – reminds me of a joke. A husband comes home from work one day. The house is in chaos, the b’fast dishes weren’t done, there didn’t seem to be any lunch dishes, the kids running around, having fun still in their jammies and kids messes everywhere. The wife is in her lounging suit, lying on the couch, reading a book and eating chocolates. Very concerned, he exclaims “Honey!! Is everything OK?” She replies, “You know how you ask what I do all day? Today I didn’t do it.”
I can think of all sorts of things I’d do in your situation, none of which may actually help you. I offer one: do you think a “day in the life” report of what you and how long it takes, would help him understand? The other thing I’ve seen is switching responsibilities, say over a weekend.
Good luck, that’s a hard situation to deal with.
What a beautiful description of marriage. =)
To Kayte:
This really gets my goat as well. My husband used to say things like, ‘I did the laundry for you’ or ‘I cleaned the kitchen for you.’ Really? Because I thought I put your clothes away for you and cooked dinner for you. What really got me going was that I was working full time as well! Something I noticed, though, is that although he said ‘I did _____ for you’ the snide meaning wasn’t there. He didn’t seem to treat me as though I was failing him as a wife for not getting to the laundry in a timely manner. On that note, I started thanking him. I think I got the point across when I gave him a laundry list of things I was going to do *before* the laundry (cook dinner, clean the kitchen, help with homework, put kids to bed, feed dogs, take a walk, take a shower, etc.). I don’t know how it happened, but he now thanks me on occasion for the ‘girly’ things I do.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you can’t talk to Mr. K about this (for fear of an argument or him getting offended), try to work around it. I always ask myself if this is an issue worth getting divorced over. After 11 years, the answer is still ‘no’.
Good luck with this! I know it can be hurtful.
I’m in the very fortunate position of not having to worry about health insurance as it’s pretty well covered by our beloved National Heath Service. I pay a flat charge for prescriptions (nothing at all for my children) and subsidised dental fees, but the rest is free at the point of need. I take it so much for granted and cannot imagine having to providing my own cover.
True, but as a Yank in the UK, I just have to point out that for a “free” NHS here we pay extremely high tax for our petrol (gasoline), VAT (sales tax) currently at 17.5% (soon to be 20%) & other various taxes to fund it, which may/may not cover much needed drugs as per the post code lottery. Swings & roundabouts I say!
Just wanted to add that we’re currently paying $8.23 per gallon for gasoline – 70% goes to the tax man!!
I believe petrol should be taxed sufficiently to ensure that, as a finite natural resource, it is used judiciously and not squandered on unnecessary activities. I also have no problem with most forms of taxation as long as they are fare and are used to provide adequate levels of public services and benefits. The principle of each according to his means to each according to his needs is a sound one.
Oops! That should be ‘fair’.
Low cost health insurance and high cost gas is a much more sensible combination although one must keep in mind how much bigger the US is than any European country.
Illustrative joke: a Glasgow man moved to LA. A while later his brother called to say their mother is flying into Quebec and the LA man should pick her up. He replied “You do it – you’re closer.”
Hmm, not sure I agree re: healthcare, but I do really get a kick out of your jokes, William=)!
The U.S. has some of the lowest gasoline rates in the industrialized world, because it is highly subsidized in a myriad of ways. I was living in Japan during the first big gas crisis, when it was up to $4 a gallon, and they were all totally unsympathetic to the U.S.- “We still pay almost half that, what are they complaining about??” they would say, rolling their eyes. I agree with William- I’d rather have expensive gasoline and low cost health insurance, but he’s right that it is unfair to compare Europe to the U.S.- totally different culture, size, and different way of life.
Whoops, the comment below should say “DOUBLE that”
A word of advice from my husband’s experience with buying your own health insurance – find out what kind of prescription drug coverage you will have. If you know you need or may need a non-generic prescription drug, make sure your plan will cover that ahead of time. Many plans have a mail-in prescription service, which provides substantial savings.
Now about dental insurance… if you and your family have been blessed with good teeth, you may want to consider foregoing the dental insurance and instead putting aside money for the out-of-pocket costs of routine care and the non-routine cavity. It’s still extremely important to visit the dentist regularly for check-ups and X-rays – a small cavity is a lot less expensive and hazardous than a root canal! Do the math and compare the cost of your insurance vs. the cost of your dental services.
yay! my question has been answered. we did the same thing with our kids too – just picked names we liked. getting into family names would have caused entirely too much drama, so we just went with what we wanted instead.
and as for the helping bit, i think people get way too caught up in words. i don’t think that most people using the term “help” in a situation like this really see it as true “help,” rather, it’s just a way to describe adding an extra set of hands to a task that’s usually done by one set. that’s how we view it in our marriage at least. i love how you described it.
About the “girl” thing – I am 55, but somewhere something in me is still 18. Yes, I have matured and am far more wiser than an 18 year old “girl”. And other “women” are still girls to me regardless of their age. I think when we say girl, it’s more of a gender thing – you know we mean female as opposed to male.
How interesting! A friend just launched this project: http://www.reconstructinggirl.com/Reconstructing_Girl/Home/Home.html
It’s funny, my little sister is names Elisabeth and we called her Lissy and Missy when she was little. … after I moved away she took Liz (my nick name) and I haven’t been able to take it back since! But I still insist on calling her Missy.